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The FooHliller & Monthly Mustard-Plaster for the Blood-Boils of Society, Charch and State. PUBLISHED &ONTHLY, 'femes Larkin .Pearson - - - Editor BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA. , mi " SUBSCRIPTION BATES: Single subscription, one year, 25 cts. In Clubs of Five or More, 15 cts. Entered as second-class matter &aiah 2 1916, at the postofflce at boomer, N. C, under the act of search 2. 1878. TAKE NOTICE Do not send postage it&mps on sub rlption. ' Remittances should be made by postered letter, express or postofflce ony order. B careful to write your own name feat address plainly, and direct all patters and make all orders payable THE FOOL-KILLER, Boomer, - - - - North Carolina. Reduced Rates Well, folkses, I have decided to risk my chances on putting The Fool Killer back to its old price. Print paper is still costing me twice as much as it did before the war; but the general trend of prices is down ward, and I want to give my readers the benefit of all possible reduction, because I know times are hard and money scarce . So please tell everybody you see and send word to the rest that they can now tret The Fool-Killer again at the old price 25 cents for a single susbcription, or 15 cents eacn m cjuds of five or more at one time. Now please rush in the subs like you did in the old days, and I'll do my level best to Keep 'em awace. Let Us Talk It Over Well, dear sinner friends, this is The Fool-Killer. How does it set on your stomach? If .you like it you can get more at headquarters. The Fool-Killer is not even a forty 'leventh cousin to any other paper on earth. It stands in a class by itself, and its field is as broad as the English language. This paper wears no bell, muzzle, collar nor halter You can put that down to start with. I am the fellow who works at tbe pump-handle on this rag of reform. I never travelled any to speak of, but I have re'ad a great deal, and have thunk some. And then I started The Fool-Killer, just to quiet my nerves and to keep the old press irom getting rusty. From the seclusion of these wooded hills there will go forth each month a bundle of literary dynamite that will shake the rotten foundations of society and cause the church of Mammon to at least turn over in its sleep. The Fool-Killer is a monthly mus tard plaster fjr the blood-boils of .Society, Church and State. It is written with a red-hot poker dipped in razor-soup. It rides the devil a-straddle without a saddle, and spurs him at everv lope. It is salted with wit, peppered with humor, and seasoned with sarcasm. Every line cuts like a whip, and every word raises a blister. , If you are a fool you had better not subscribe for The ool-Jviller. it you are wise you will, and that:settles it JAMES LARKIN PEARSON Boomer, N. G. THE FOOL-KILLER, PARAGRAPHS. It wilbsoon be time to put on another quilt. Yes, honey, the world is get ting no better awful fast, It isn't always the longest prayer that punches down an answer. After all, sole-leather is about as cheap as gasoline, and a whole ot healthier. If the year keeps on going till it stops, how many miles will it be tili Christmas? Prosperity?- Yes-sir-ee! Even the soup'house business is begin ning to prosper. It seems, after all, that they have just invited China's left hind foot to the disagreement fuss. The people who perished "to death before the famine came will never know what they missed. Why don't some kind-hearted inventor get up in his sleep and invent a smokeless cigarette? People sometimes get so doggon full of "religion" that there ain't any room in thei-u iVr common honesty. The U. S. Senate with Tom Watson in it is like a can of rotten oysters with a dynamite in the middle of it. Well, the old year 1921 has quit Septembering for this time, and now it is going to do some Octobering for awhile. Instead of thinking twice be fore they speak, some people just talk continually and never think any at all. Thaf awful smell you see com ing from the east is nothing but cigar smoke. The Leegonashuns is in session over there again. T . i. . i 1 . . in times or capitalistic pros perity" the under dogs are told that they must ''work or starve." But in times like these they cut out the alternative of "work" and simply tell the pore devils to "starve." Cold comfort! Early in the present year some body started the motto, "1921 Will Reward Fighters." And tbe soldier boys thought that meant a bonus for them, but they are about to slip up and miss it. They will very likely get more fighting to do, but some other fellow will get the reward. BOOMER, N. C ;If an original thought should go to kicking around in the aver age man's head, the lice would think it was an earthquake. Blessed is the man who stays out of a flying machine, for he can have the 'fun of getting killed some other way. And you'd better get some beef taller and grease up them old brogans. Maybe they'll last an other winter. ' The Retr6blicans can now un derstand how the Dummycats used to feel. Wow! What'll you have next? Speak up. What about them old last win ter's breeches? Better hunt 'em up and get the old woomern to patch the gable eend of 'em. The man who thinks with his belly can usually turn out a better grade of thunks when he gets right plum good and hungry. I notice that the people who talk about the advantage of being poor are always willing to give somebody else that advantage. Take a piece. 4 If Norman Happen-to-be-good continues to make progress at his present rate, he will be ready to vote for Debs in 1924. The way orthodox churchanity makes goo-goo eyes at this-here pay-triotic plutocracy reminds me of a barrel of dried fish trying to make love to a keg of nails. If you've got any disagreeing you want done, just box it up and ship it to Washington about November 11th. The Disagree ment Conference will attend to it for you. I know lots of church members who think so much of their re ligion and want to take such good care of it that they never use it except on Sunday. And even then they are mighty particular about who rubs up against it. The present administration has made 17 different promises to re lease Debs, and has followed them up with 47 different excuses for not doing it. And nary one of the 47 excuses was the true reason. The real reason-oshy Debs is rot released is the identical same rea- son why Jesus was not released because hs is in the hands of a blind and ignorant set of Mam mon worshippers who never will learn any sense until the wrath of God falls on them like the side of a mountain falling on a nest of snake-eggs. OCT., 1921, A preacher in 'this community recently boasted that he didn't know anything and didn't want to know anything. Well, if lgnor- I ance is what it takes to make a preacher, that feller shore has got it. Let us pray. If it wasn't for the trouble . we have in life we would all get so satisfied that tfe 'would be plum miserable. Blessed is the man who has just enough trouble to keep him happy. Zl It may be that the millionaire is the poor man's friend, after all. He claims that his riches are a sight of trouble, and he is doing his doggondest to keep the poor man from having any trouble of that sort. ' I often hear people say that if they had their lives to live over again they would do better next time. And yet they don't make any effort to do better with what they've got left of this life. Well, people are quair things, anyhow. I have often noticed that the less a rpreacher knows the more fuss he can make. His brains evi dently leak down into his chest and all turn to lungs. Senator Capper's Man Friday has rolled up his sleeves to try to demolish Socialism. And his poor little argument reminds -me of a dry -land terrapin trying to con vince a whale that the ocean is made out of saw-dust. Real genuine Christianity is like pure gold the more you use it the brighter it gets. But most of this-here stuff they call Christi-- anity these days is plated stuff and soon wears thru to the black. How is yours, mister? .-i , ! Eugene Debs has just three chances to get out cf prison. First, he may die out. Second-, he may live till his ten-year sentence ex pires. Third, he may be voted out of prison and into the Presidency in 1921. Let us hope that the third chance wins. I, know of some people lwho "git religion" at the "big meet ing" about once a year, and then, lose it before, they get home from meeting. Such people are to be pitied. They wouldn't know a real case of religion if they met it in the road, and they couldn't tell the grace of God from a bar rel of rain water. Of course some of you will think that old Pearson is crazy. But just wait and watch things happen. Then think some more. Last thoughts are better.