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THE FOOT'-KTLLEK, BOOMER, N, C.
PAGE THREH POLITICAL SERMON Preached at the Church of Saint Redemocan By Billy Bonehead. Text: Everthing iz awl rite, but hit needs fixinV My deer bruthern'& sistern, this iz the most goshawfulest okashun I ever wuz at. But I am glad 2 be heer, & I am glad 2 see so meimy ov yore good Redom- QCc.n laceo smiling up at me inie lyunares hav bin havin a hard time 2 make tung & buckel meet, & the prezident haz used his of f ishel capasity 2 giv them awl the releef possibul. Hit is thought now that most ov the millyunares will be abul 2 pul threw the winter without star vin or freezin if the porefoax will keep on contributing az lib erally az tha hav bin' doom. Amen! Glory 2 Ben! y remavKS, m (Reprinted by request.) THERE IS NO ONE BUT HENRY FORD. oreQ'om Two years Jftom now election coms The time to make another choice To chimp the present load of bums, And listen in to reason's voice. But who can lead us? Who's the man To get our decent rights restored? It seems to me that Henry can There is no one but Henry Ford. The Literary Digest recently; printed an article headed, "Why Do, We Laugh?" I can't answer for all, but about 3j0,000 people laugh because they read . The Fool-Killer. , a siiucK-pen lull ov trcst-bit pun- jeer trends, seem 2 indicate that Vv C vs had enough of lawyer rule, kins. I recldn we ort-2 be thank- awj we need iz a little moar ov 0f not-air artists wtare sick; ful that it ain't enny wuss. ww V7Q WC0(i hav if the condi- We want son man who ain't a fool, 10 er 15 years ago,- deer shuns were sich that we .xlident trends, when I fust begun 2 rite need anything only what we Jetters ier The Fool-Killer, I ccod git. indent hav no ldiz ov ever bem Mf Jktet ambis.hu" SUFFERING VERSUS DEATH uutt uiue wuz uea graxe cz tnd we WOUld like to hnve hm quick. We've hacKtoo many presidents With heads as hellcw as a gourd: We want a man with business sense; There is no one but Henry Ford. Uncle Sam is determined to keep out of that Near East fuss. As z proof of it he has just or dered twelve war ships to Con stantinople. How perfectly, sweet of him! S i o i-i-i ' Orthodoxy lays all its stress We've had too many "pa-tri-ots' lio "T; t a Oil the SUFFERINGS' Of Jesus. And dura sword-rattlers on the job; & lLT?E..ClW It talks iust as if the AGONY And now we want a man with lots t.r,,.. ,'"" X:i.fl" J"" L. w ,. tho f n sense to quell the mob. on 'the pint ov preechin my fust Let us ask: perlitikul sermunt. if Christ had not DIED could I . hev jist resuntly graddyat- anybody have been saved? i ed frum the most popular block- You answer No ade still m the countv with the .... decrees ov D P which means ihen ne mignt have hung on So let us all unite and sing Docketer ov Politix & hit doo the cross and SUFFERED for The praises of the flivver man, seem that politix air in need oviten years, and if he had not fmal- 3um docterin. You awl kno awl hy DIED he would not have re- 4. v vv r"1, 1 deemed tne worm. mir Kina ov ponxix tnan a lew a wigs ov goo old moonshine. It is some consolation to be told that President Harding has perfect feet. And, by the way, I guess they must be what he does his thinking with. Wonder if he hasn't anything at all at the other end ? s Orthodoxy tries to balance the We want a man who stands for peace WWII make a plowshare of the sword; There's one can do it slick a crease There is no one but Henry Ford. For we are certain he can bring Good times if anybody can. He is a great constructive power, But one the "statesmen" have nored; SUFFERING of Jesus against For leader in this trying hour the SUFFERING of lost souls in the place they call hell. But the reasonable and right way to look at it is to balance the ; Amen! Gosh! I hav tooken fer my text on this awtwistibus okashum sum words what I hope will go strate " "Everthin" is awl rite but EAfTH of Jesus against the nlS; fir, DEATH of the human race. The v;fllfh3 mv t s,JSUty was jpniy inci- est of what it owes. Wh hVtwPm the sacred feds dental, and has nothing m the 5StobKSwoft buTf d2 to do with the plan of sal- Atinviimv iha hlpsspd words Why, man, if SUFFERING air like the Bam ov Catnip 2 my could have saved the world it fTMihVdori Tha rontain more would not have been necessary There is no one but Henry Ford1. James Larkin Pearson. PARAGRAPHS. Europe is living on the inter- Have you read Kaiser Bill's I new book? Oh, don't apologize II haven t either. i T 1 They are no longer bothered If James M. Cox isn't thank- It Tu: w i for Jesus to die at all. He could ful for his defeat two years ago, sSSelM just have SUFFERED the re- he simply doesnt know when he dHp-hnards on quirea amounr, ana men step- iuvn. Tiri'n oinf Avar miv Vnnfrv ped down from the cross and 2-day we dont see nuthin rong. gone about his business. The Canitul iz still at Washing- But no. tun. & koneress is still drawin The debt that Adam owed was its breth & its salary. What not bUlii;KlJNU. moar do vou want? Glory halle- It was DEATH. Wy! And whoever would pay that We see that prezident Hard- debt must DIE. times iz faithfully perf ormin hiz Man, can't you se? offishel dooty. Ackordin 2 the it. T . m !. in tunes or capitalistic pros perity" the under dogs are told that they must ''work or starve.' But in times like taee they cut out the alternative of "work"' and simply tell the pore devils to 'starve." Cold comfort! Blessed is the man who stays out of a flying machine, for he can have the fun of getting killed some other way. X The Relroublicans can now un derstand how the Dummy cats used to feel. Wow! What'll yoa. have next? Speak up. The man who thinks with his belly can usually turn out a better grade of thunks when he gets right plum good and hungry' I know lots of church members who think so much of their re ligion and want tp take such good care of it that they never use it except on Sunday. And even then with counterfeit money in Eu- they are mighty particular about rope. Their money isn't worth -. u :r Supporting the government is all right, but most of our mbdem patrioteers are merely "holding it up." papers thar haz bin an unusually a luo; amount ov of f ishul Golf that jist Had 2 be played this sum- ' a Little Book of Verses by terest m Europe. She has some, at nr w 17 in na.Tiw i v i rr itrii -r i i , .siih in l irt-i. ILVJ-i JJ- "w " o 1 1 111 M VV M I IHI'P rPHTSlin. I w O Bill ETS AND BUTfERGUPS" . It is very unfair for Europe say that America has no in- I see in the papers that the price of radium is coming down. Bully for Buck! Now you hungry folks can run to the grocery store and buy yoa a mess of radium. t;pilin. The- government wuz 4hort ov , hands, & so the presi-.dent-jist pitched in and worked j r 'j. x.1 1 (' This little book of poems was writ- Smokers who use these-here ten by the wife of James Larkin long, cigarette-holders probably i " :JTT o .if V,o n-olf Pearson, editor of the The Fool-Killer, to it to get the smell as tar played in a way that wood be mt y - - ji. vlfevv written in the author s e-irlhoo biJJie. Knowledge is the shell that wisdom grows in, and I have known some cases where a mighty big nice shell turns out to be away from their noses as pos-' P 1Y J is nothing said about bare backs. LoUo-fri 9 Vit vnt.pva nv thft . J . tt.'i uu,' davs. but most of them in later life. r, r::''u"; ; It is .neatly printed, and has a nic- ine constitution says .YVitT-1. St o ture of the author. I mil send youlthing about-the rights of the noube " " ""-I o o. nostnaid for 25 cents, and i mil people to bear, arms, but there the peepul's Golf properly play- ttoow m for good asure an ed Hit iz an evvydent f akt that other llttle book ntltied An Auto" we kaint afford 2 pay tax for biographal Sketch of James Larkin Golf & then not git it played. Pearson," giving a complete history That wood bee a wicked waist ov Tne Fool-Killer and its editor. munnv history booklet will be of spec- & on top ov that, the prezident ial interest & folka who en U wnvVprl klmost dav & nite Jy riding the paper. Both booklets havin intervuze with the milly- together for 25 cents. Order today- unares, whitch iz anuther very important branch ov te goy- IVIrs, Cora Walla Pearson. , vnmoTitsi hizness. Tne nore mil-1 "j Just at this writing they are having another "conference" in Europe. If I have kept the count right, this is the 20th "confer ence" the nations have held since the armistice, and they have all ended just alike. they do is to call another "conference." Oar "patriotic" statesmen are some-1 very fond of rolling over their silver plated tongues the thread bare statement that we have in this country a "stable" govern ment. Stable? SniffI Sniff! Yes. I guess that accounts for its awful smeli. Most of the so called religion that people have is 30 "per cent ignorance, 30 per cent prejudice, 30 per cent pride, and 10 per cent fear. Net much religion, eh?