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THE FOOL-KILLER, BOOMER, N. C, OCT.. 1922: USE THE LITTLE DEVIL This is only a suggestion, but there may be great possibili ties in it. Anyhow, I want to pass it along. I have been reading a good deal here of late about the boil weevil, and it seems that he is getting to be such a power in the land that the whole cotton raising industry of the South is seriously threatened: I live in the South, but not exactly in a cotton-raising section, so I have not seen much of it with my own eyes. The situation is so serious thac "Senator Smith of South Carolina has proposed that the entire South take a year off and plant no cotton at all for one year, thus giving Mr. Weevil a chance to starve to death, as he will not eat anything except cot ton. The Senator from South Carolina thinks that is the only way to get rid of the boll weevil, and he is probably right. But looky here! As I stated at the opening of this chapter, I want to make a suggestion. Maybe it isn't necessary to get rid of the boil weevil. If our in ventive geniuses would put their heads together and study right hard, maybe they could discover or invent some way to use the little devil. What I mean is this think up some wTay to convert him into an asset and make him pay for his feed. Why, it hasn't been many years siite cotton seed wTere a waste pro duct and not worth anything at all. The gins hauled them off and dumped them in gulliespr in the river to get rid of them. But today the seed is about the most valuable part of the cotton crop. What made the change? Simply this: The people went to work and discovered some use for the seed. If that hadn't been done they would still be throw ing away half of the cotton crop. Now what I suggest is this: Let's do the boll weevil just like we did th cotton seed find a use for him. When a crop is thrust upon us which will plant itself and produce such an abun dant yield without any atten tion at all, it seems like a rather short-sighted policy to be want ing to exterminate it. From all accounts, the boll weevil is just such a crop. It is said that each married couple of weevils can raise -12,000,000 children in the course of .a year. In other words, if you have a bushel of seed- weevils to start with in the spring, you can har vest a crop of six million bush els. Think of your profits ! Even at twenty cents a bushel and anybody that wanted weevils at all would be willing to pay that much your profits would be over a million dollars a year. And then to, think that people are trying to stamp out and ex terminate such a crop as that! The only thing necessary to raise a crop of weevils would be to plant cotton as usual, but not with any intention of harvest ing the cotton. Let the cotton get up about so big, and then take your seed weevils out and sow them carefully over the field. Let them eat the cotton (which they seem to be doing anyhow) , and then at the proper time you can harvest the weev ils and sell them. Let's see, now what could boll weevils be "used for? Since they eat nothing but cotton, it is very likely that their innards axe sorter tough and stringy. We might cross them with spiders and teach them to do their own spinning. That would cut out the expense of building and operatig so many cotton mills, and it would release milions of mill-hands and give them leisure to enjoy life. Boll weevils, when fully ripe, have got a good deal of juice in them. This, could be pressed out and used as lard for cooking purposes. The name of it would be "Bugoline", of course. Then the dried pulp could be worked up into some new kind of break fast food, to be known as "Weevil Flakes" or "Bugum", or or something like that. A page acTin the Saturday Evening Boast ought to sell it liKe hot cakes. There is no telling how many uses might be found for the boll weevil. He might be used to make nearly anything from pot ted ham to corn likker. So let's not be too fast about exterminating the boll weevil, i le may be an angel in disguise. DON'T SCARE YOURSELF. I reckon we are the doggondr est smartest race of two-legged critters that ever lived in this ! world. Anyhow, we are always finding new solutions for every problem under the sun. Mrs. Anne Besant has found one. She says she believes the mental and sexual faculties are opposed to each other. In an Australian paper that comes to this office Mrs, Besant is quoted as saying: The more cultured men be come the less pronounced do the reproductive instincts become. I want to see a great increase of mental ability." Now let s see about that. Just suppose, for instance, that Mrs. Besant s theory turns out to be true. Then a great increase of mental ability would shore-to- goodness end all our troubles. Just let man get so wise, so in telectual, so full of knowlege, that he lost all inclination to re produce himself, and" all the problems that have vexed hu manity for many thousands oi years would be solved at " last. War would come to an end. Drunkenness and prostitution wouitt vamsn irom tne eartn. Poverty would exist no more. Crime would cease to be. But wait a minute. There is just one dark blot on the fair picture. There wouldn't be anybody alive .to enjoy it unless it is true, as the Bible Students tell us, that millions of people now living will never die, and that the dead are going to be raised to such a state of per fection that they will not die any more. ANOTHER NEW THING .UNDER THE SUN If the Hon. John W. Solomon, late King of Israel, were here to day he would have to revise his old saying. For indeed the new things are coming so thick" and fast that we can hardly count 'em. Yes, honey, ! am always look ing after the new things. Some of them are humbugs, to be sure, and some of them are not. The : nly way to get the benefit ofition. The trotting of the dog: the good new things as they come along is to "prove all things and hold fast to that which is good," as the Rev. Paul used to say. If we are so skeered of the bad new things that we refuse to investigate anything that is new, we are going to slip up and miss a lot of mighty good things that we might have had. That's the gospel according to Pearson; All right. And now if nothing goes wrong with the' running-gear-of my gab-trap for the next few minutes, this is going to be a sockdoliger of a Sermon on the very newest way to knock old man Charles H. Death off of his roost. There is a little bald-headed son of Abraham out about old Frisco who elaims to have rung the bell for shore-certain. This here son of Abraham that I am talking about is a doctor man, but besides being a doctor he seems to be also a great scientist ;and expert electrician. His name is Div Albert Abrams, and he has been working on his idea for a number of years, trying to find out if there was some way to make electricity do it all and let the pills and powders take a rest. Well, he says now that he has succeeded far beyond his wild est dreams. The pill-boxes and the bottles of belly-wash can now go to thunder antLstay there. Electricity will tell you what's the matter and cure you while you wait, and the only way any body can die will be to get so tickled over their good health that they will laugh themselves to death. The new method is, called the "Electronic Reactions o f Abrams," and it seems to be a sort of doubled-and-twisted twin cousin to the radio telephone. It doesn't seem a bit, more strange or unreasonable than the radio, and if one is tine the other may be. With my own ears I have heard music and talk ing which came 800 miles through the naked air. I know i Lu .1AU- ".j1 few years ago that would have been a miracle. Anything that we thought couldnt be done is a miracle 'until it happens often enough to make it common, and then we wronder why it used to seem so strange. Same way with Dr. Abrams and his new method of cheating the grave. It is so strange now that we can't conceive of the posibility of its being true. But it may be true; after all. I sorter think it is, but am not going to be too sure about it till I see fur ther, r As to the inside workings of the thing, I can't tell you muchi about that. I am neither elec trician nor professor of physics. But common sense teaches me a few things. I know that a fice dog can trot across a bridge and: shake it when a heavily loaded wagon would not cause even a tremor. The bridge is "tuned" to a certain key or pitch of vibra- hits that key and starts it ta vibrate. Enogh trotting dogs would soon shake it down, but any number of loaded wagons would not budge it. - -Roughly speaking, that is the principle on which Dr. Abrams is working. He says he has dis covered that everything in na ture is Radio-Active, and he has invented an apparatus delicate enough to record the vibrations. He says each disease has its own peculiar vibration as shown on the dial of his instrument, and then the same vibration given with more intensity will cure the disease. Once upon a time the great singer Caruso, after a banquet, sat at the table tapping with his finger upon his empty wine galss. ! Having discovered the pitch j or note at which it vibrated, he i sat back and sang that note at the glass and shivered it to bits, That's the idea. Vibration, And if diseases have a certain vibratory rate, and if an instru ment has been made to detect and record that rate, and to in- i tensif y it, then it seems reason- able that any disease might be put out of business just as easily as Caruso shivered the wine glass with his voice. Other doctors in different parts of the world are flocking to San Francisco to learn the new way of healing and to get the instruments. But the gen eral run of old-fashioned drug doctors are up in arms against it and declare that Abrams is a humbug. Maybe so. Well just wait and see. This is an age of wonders. We believe it is the dawning of the' Gkden Age. We are looking for something to happen that will !do away with sickness and death. K7e ,S,UUI! at blessings will come hroh the Jews. Dr. Abrams- imu- ,d:ui i a. 1 is a iew. xi is worcn xnmKing about. Good-by. Come again. It is hard to tell whether Greece is in the frying-pan or in; the fire. Man is just about the low do wn-est animal in all the hu man race. Maybe King David will sign: the bonus bill about the middle of the millenniun. Be patient, boys. It is really pathetic to see how intensely this administration does love the soldier boys. Boys, why don't you go and hug the dear old administration's neck.