The Newtown bee., March 04, 1879, Image 1

About The Newtown bee. (Newtown, Conn.) 1877-current

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BY INDUSTRY WE THRIVE.
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Job Work
NEATLY EXECUTED AT TEST LOW nOCBJEJ.
VOL. II.
NEWTOWN, CONN., TUESDAY, MAECH 4, 1879.
NO. 37.
THE HEWTOWH BEE
. 13 PUBU3HED
AT '
IEWT0WH, FAIRFIELD COUSTY, COKH.
JOHN T. PEAROE,
Editor and rubUmKer.
Newtown
t - 1 w.3 v.il aa. s.lfS
Inch I .T5'$l.'i00 $4.00 SS.00 10.00
1 Inche. 1.451 1.TS IH 40 9.U 11.00
Inches 1.50 1.00 .00 S 00 10.00 IS.08
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1 Oolnmn 0.00 8.00 11.00 X).00 6S.00
. lid lid
Professional Cards,
"Yr J- WILE, M. D,
niYSICIVN AND SUBGEON,
Handy Hook, Conn.
Li. WILCOXsiON, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AND SUBGEON,
Beidenoo 3onth Conter District, Newtown,
Ooi'iicotioot.
E. I3ABBEK, M. V.,
Uilice and Residence, Center St., Bethel, Conn.
( Cirri t bniw cant of Methodist church.)
AV
flLLlAM BURKE,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOB AT LAW,
Danbury, Conn.
3r Collections prompt. Office in Benedict's
I lo'.
C
LLLST A. BENEDICT, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AND SUBGEON.
291 State Street (Marble Block), Bridgeport.
Electricity one of the Tberapeatio Agents.
OFFIOB HODBS:
Tuesdays and Fridays from 8 A. if. to 6 P. X.
In Bethel, every Saturday from 1 to 8 P. m.
W,
J. BIDEB & BON,
SUBGEON DENTISTS,
Danbury, Conn.
W. n. Blder is at his office at Diok'i Hotel
every Saturday. Nitrons Oxide Gas adminis
tered In extracting teeth.
"YyiLLIAM COTHBEN,
ATTOBNEY AND COUNSELOB AT LAW
AND
BOLICITOB IN CHANCERY,
Woodbury, Conn.
c.
R. HART, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AND SUBGEON,
Bosidenoe and Office, Fisher's block, over 0. b
M. A. Leppert'a barber ahop,
' Bethel, Conn.
J A. WILSON,
ATTOBNEY AND COUNSELOB AT LAW,
Office and Residence,
Sandy Hook, Conn.
It
N. BE ITS, Jb .
Saudy Hock, Conn.
My offloe in Brook Hold is opened very
Wednesday, oyer Lowib Osborne's at ore.
I'nro Nitrous Oxida Oas administered at
either place in extracting toith.
ESTB1CTINO TEETH, WITHOUT OAS,
TWENTY-FIVE CENTS.
Business Cards.
S
TEBLING HOTEL,
Main Street, head of Wall,
Bridgeport, Conn.
Centrally located in the business portion of
the city. Bates, 2.00 per day.
ATWOOD & WHITING, Tropr's.
-T7- B. SNIFFEN,
WATCHMAKER AND JEWELER.
Sandy Hook.
Dealer In Watches, Clocks. Jewelry, Spec
tacles, eto. All repairing receives prompt and
careful attention. Prices nnifornily as low as
Is oousUteut with good goods and workman
ship. A r. SMITH,
PAINTER.
rATER-H ANQING, KAL80MINING,
, . PAINTING AND OBAINING,
Done at the shortest notice and in the best
manner. Newtown, Conn.
; -JEWTOWN ACADEMY.
Rev. Jakes P. Horr, A. M., Principal.
Popils of all ages received at any time, and
instructed separately. Tuition lower thau in
any similar school.
For oironlars, reductions in Tuition, etc,
apply to the Principal.
Jjl C. BAN FORD,
'carpenter and Builder,
Offers his servioes to all who contemplate
building or repairing. For good work upon
the most reasonable terms, address,
F. C. SANFOBD, Newtown, Conn.
J N. H ALLOC K,
Wn.SOXxiM.altor,
. Glover's Building,
SANDY HOOK.
Good work at low prioee. Repairing a spe
cialty. Give me a call, and I will do my best
to plnase yon.
T
UYLOR 4 WILSON,
FURNISHING UNDERTAKERS,
Handy Hook. Conn.
Every requisite furnished at short notice,
and at bottom figures.
JQ W. SNYDER,
HORSESHOEB A GENERAL BLACKSM ITU,
fNear the Grist Mill).
Z "5
r X Sandy Hook, Conn.
CJT -Stonecutters' and Masons' Hampers
X made to order. Working in Steel a specialty.
XJio pairing done neatly and prom pt 1 j.
Sariay Hook M&rlset,
Dealer iu FREK AND CURED MEATS, Etc.,
Near the Bridge,
Sandy Hook, Conn.
ST Terms Casb.
HARNESS
OF EVERY DESCRIPTION MADE TO OR D E
Repairing neitly done and with dUpatoh.
Second door south of G. Bradley's store,
WOODBURY, CONN.
(Formerly of West 8ide).
W. W. BETT8, Agent.
WH. BO WELL,
. SBALCa IH
N v WATCHE9. CLOCKS, JEWELRY,
Spectacles, Gold Fens, Silver-Plated Ware, Eto.
uepainng promptly aone. -
, J" All good, sold neatly eDgraved free of
. charge.
U tohoock's Block, Woodbnry,
J B. GILLETTE,
Architect and Builder,
Designs, Flaii., Speoinoations, detail and
working drawings famished at reasonable
terms. Commnuioations by mail will receive
prompt attention. Address.
P. O. Box 13, Newtown, Conn
yM. B. PBINDIJE,
V . NEWTOWN, CONN.,
I prepared to furnish anything in the above
not c snori notice ana at reduced prices.
Unbn Granite Works.
XX. X-VX3XIO,
Kos. 29 to X)S Fs irfinkt Avenue (one door from
y Main street;,
t:iCZTCtV. . CONN.
of Granite or Garble for
- - ft r -fvr.:i ra-
3
A
i it i
err
3,
is.
The Mother's Hymn.
WORDS FOB XU8IC.
In the cloud-land of the west,
Sinks the royal sun to rest ;
Day is done and shadows dim
O'er the glimmering landscape swim,
Sleep, baby, sleep 1 .
Chimes the mellow evening-bell,
Bounds of labor cease to swell ;
Lowing cattle, bleating sheep,
From the darkening pastures creep,
Sleep, darling, sleep i
As the dews of sleep descend,
Sire and mother o'er thee bond,
Soft thy rosy lips are press'd,
Soft with prayer thy dreams are bless'd,
Rest," cherub, rest 1 .
Seraphs of the land of dreams
Waft thee o'er Elysian streams,
Far beyond the bending sky,
Where the heavenly pasturos lie,
Sleep, angel, sleep'!
When the day-dawn crimsons bright,
When the green leaves dance in light,
When the early song-birds wake
Their sweet mnsio for thy sake,
Wake, baby, wake I
Isaac McLtUan.
THE HEAVY CROSS.
Robert Hope and Samuel Hullins had
lived neighbors for more than twelve
years; and it is probable they would al
ways have been on good terms, had not
Samuel, who had served under Admiral
Nelson, gained at Trafalgar a small pen
sion, which he had paid for by the loss
of one of his legs. This leg less, and this
pension more, were for Robert a contin
ual source of jealousy; he accused fate
for having loft him his two feet, and
complained bitterly that he had not
been able, as he said, to sell his legs at
the same price with Hullins. Every
time he went to pay his rent, he re
peated grumblingly that his neighbor
was very fortunate; that he was in a
condition to meet his bills, since the
king gave him a good pension; while he,
poor fellow, had hard work to make both
ends of the year meet, without taking
into account his creditors.
Robert at first contented himself with
making these reflections inwardly, but
by degrees his dissatisfaction was ex
pressed aloud, and became his habitual
and favorite theme of conversation.
One week that his rent had fallen be
hind-hand, and he was sadly advancing
toward the house of Mr. Taylor, in or
der to make his excuses for the delay.
he met Neighbor Hullins, who was as
regular as clockwork in paying his rent,
and had just been for that purpose. -
The very sight of Samuel produced
on Robert the effect of a fit of sickness;
so, when he bowed in reply to the sa
lute of Hullins. his glance sintmlarlv
resembled that of a bull shaking his
horns at a dog.
Arrived at the house of the proprie
tor, Hope did not fail to be reprimand
ed. The example of his neighbor was
cited, who always paid punctually, and
to the last penny.
'Yes, yes," murmured Robert;
"some people are born with a silver
spoon in their mouths. Hullins is very
fortunate, and I am not surprised that
he pays punctually with such a ten
sion."
'Hullins has a pension, it is true,"
replied Mr. Taylor; " but his infirmity
is a heavy cross, and if you were afflicted
with it, I should pity you much more,
"Not so," said Hope. "If I had
been so fortunate as to lose a lee like
him, twenty years ago, it would have
been a productive day for me. I would
sell all of my limbs at the same price.
Do you call hia oak leg a heavy cross ?
I think his pension should render it
light. The heaviest cross that I know
of is to be obliged to labor incessantly.
Mr. Taylor was a man of joyous hu
mot, but a close observer. He had for
a long time noticed the envious disposi
tion of Robert, and resolved to
convince him that the lightest cross
might become heavy to a discontented
mind.
I see, said he to Hope, "that you
are disposed to do nothing. Well, I
will exempt you from this obligation to
labor, of which you complain so bitterly.
If you think the cross of your neighbor,
Samuel, so easy to boar, will you accept
a lighter one, if I will engage to give
you your rent?"
"That depends upon what kind of
cross it is," said Robert, anxiously, for
he feared that the proposition would net
be acceptable.
xnis, said Mr. xayior; taking a
piece of chalk and tracing a white cross
on Robert's jacket.
is uauis vuu UUlO
that yon wear this, I shall not demand a
penny of your rent."
Hope thought, at first, that his land
lord was jesting; but being assured that
he Bpoke seriously, he exclaimed:
By or. George! you may say that
you have seen my last money, for I am
willing to wear this cross all my life
time."
Robert immediately went out, con
gratulating himself on his good fortune,
and laughing all along the road at the
folly of Mr. Taylor, who had let him off
bo cheaply from paying his rent.
He had never been so joyous as at the
moment of returning home, as he found
nothing to complain of, and his dog
came to sit down at his feet without his
punishing him for his familiarity,
As he seated himself on hia arrival.
his wife did not at first notice the white
cross which he had on his shoulder ; but
having passed behind her husband to
wind up the clock, she suddenly ex
claimed, in a shrill voice
"Why, Robert, where have you been
You have on your back a cross a foot
long. ' You have been to the tavern, and
some drunkard 'among your friends has
played you a trick to make you ridicu
lous. Oet up and let me brush off this
tins crca."
" Amty exzlkae .1 Hope, : hastily
"2yclotl:doiitt te&J your brunlir,
co xri r"? i " taa in rva
"That shall not be I" exclaimed Mrs.
Hope, in a voice more shrill. "I will
not have my husband become the laugh
ing-stock of the whol village, and if I
tear your jacket to pieces, you shall not
wear that ridiculous cross."
And as she spoke thus, the wife at
tempted to brush Robert's shoulder ; and
the latter, who knew that resistance
would be useless, walked off, shutting
the door after him violently.
" What a fury I' muttered he, as he
went away. ." "If she had been more
gentle, I would have told her of my
good fortune; but she does not deserve
to know it."
" Oh 1 oh I Robert," exclaimed old
Fox, at the moment when Hope turned
the corner of his house, "what is that
white cross on your back ?"
" Tpe care of your own clothes," in
solently replied Hope, going his own
way.
"Mr. Hope," said little Patty Ste
vens, the grocer's daughter, ' Btop one
moment, if you please, that I may rub
out that great white cross you have on
your shoulder."
"Go and sell your herrings, lazy
girl," replied Robert, " and do not con
cern yourself about the passers-by."
The little girl, silenced, hastened to
re-enter her mother's Bhop.
At this moment Hope arrived at the
house of the butcher, who was convers
ing on the threshold with his neigh
bor the blacksmith.
"You . are just the man I wanted,"
said the latter, stopping Robert; and
he began to speak to him on business;
but hardly had he commenced, when
old Peggy Turton arrived in her plaid
gown and blue apron. s
"Mercy! Mr. Hope, exclaimed she,
taking up her apron, " what is that on
your back ?"
Robert turned to tell her to let him
alone, but the blacksmith then perceived
the mark made by Mr. Taylor.
Heavens 1" said he, laughing; "he
might serve for a sign" to the White
Cross."
"I suppose," said the butcher, "that
his wife has marked him thus for fear of
losing him."
Hope felt that there was for him but
one metnod of escaping at the same
time from the apron of Peggy, and the
jokes of the butcher and blacksmith, so
he hastened to leave the spot, not with
out some abusive language to his neigh
bors; but the cross had begun to weigh
more heavily upon his shoulders than
he had at first supposed.
The unfortunate Robert seemed des
tined this day to provoking encounters,
for he had gone but a few steps when he
found himself opposite the schoolhouse.
School was just out, and the scholars
were at this moment issuing from the
door, ready for any fun that might pre -sent
itself. Hope was terribly uneasy,
and imagined. he already heard cries be
hind him. His fears were soon realized ;
he had scarcely passed the schoolhouse
door when a long shout was heard, and
fifty scholars at least began to pursue him
and point at him, throwing up their caps
in the air.
"Look, look!" exclaimed one; "there
is a sheep marked for the butcher."
"Don't you see, "replied another, 'it
is a crusader just setting out for Pales
tine." And the shouting and laughter recom
menced more loudly.
Hope became pale with anger; he
turned like a cross dog pursued by chil
dren, and perhaps would have cruelly
revenged himself on his young perse
cutors, had not Mr. Johnson, the school
master, suddenly appeared at the door
of his house,
Robert advanced
Loward him, corn-
plaining of his pnpi
las being insolent.
Mr. Johnson replied
it he would not
for the world encoun
?e impertinence in
them, but that the w;
ite cross which he
had on his back migli make wiser peo
ple than boys laugh. 1
wnat is this crostto you ? replied
Robert, crossly. " Bitot my-back my
own property ?" .
The schoolmaster eailingly assented,
and Hope went on hi way. But the
cross was growing heaer and heavier.
lie began to think uac it would not
be so easy to pay his ant in this man
ner. So much raillery ijad already been
heaped upon him, whaiwould it be if
the cause were known! His landlord
might as well have wrften on his back
a receipt in full,
As he reflected thus, Robert arrived
at the tavern. He was psing by when
he perceived Mr. Tayloa himself at a
few paces distance, and pn the other
side his neighbor Hullin
dragging his
wooden leg, and conversi:
with Harry
Stokes, the carpenter,
was the wit of the vil
tarry Stokes
and Hope
would not bftva encounter
him before
Hallins for the world,
took refuge in the tavern.
But the place was not
le therefore
png tenable.
The drinkers did not fail i
f pwceive the
cross, and to rally Hope, hc grew an
gry ; the quarrel became vident, and
the inn-keeper, fearing some .serious
result, turned Robert out of doortX
The latter had left home with tU in-
ten tion of examining some work wlichl successfully to elude the police, although
t.J l.n. a..J i.- 1 - a n.I.I.U.lu u 1 1 . ' .ill
had been offered to him in a neighbo-,
ing village, but his mld had been sc
disturbed by old F Patty Stevens,
the blacksmith, be butcher, Peggy
Turton, and the schoolboys, that he re
solved to return home, thinking that
would be, after all, the peaceable place.
Have you ever seen in the. month of
September, a young partridge, the last
of the brood, fluttering along through
the, fields, with a wounded .wing ? Suoh"
was Robert on his way to his home at
the other end of the village. Now he
walked rapidly lest he should be over
taken, now slowly, lest he should meet
some one ; now in the road, now in tlie
fields, gliding behind the br-hes, limb
irj the walls, and shunrdr jxnces Lke
a Cj-y who kas etolca at -ickri f r i
a i r " T C'J :
xoent the white cross was an insupport
able weight.
At last he reached his dwelling, and
this time hoped to find a little rest.
Rut as soon as his wife perceived him
she began to cried out:
"Are you not ashamed to come back
as you went ? Five or six of our neigh
bors have asked me if you had lost your
senses ! Quick ! let me rub out that
cross J". '
" Away, woman I" exclaimed Robert,
exasperated.
"You shall not remain so, Howe; I
will not have any one belonging to me
so ridiculous. Take off that jacket !
take it off this minute, I tell you 1"
As she spoke thus, Mrs. Hope attempt
ed to seize her husband's arm; but the
latter rudely repulsed her. Mrs. Hope,
who was not remarkable for patience,
replied by a blow, and the result was a
eeuffle between the two, to the great
scandal of the neighbors, who ran to
separate them.
Everybody blamed Robert, who, when
he became calm, understanding that
there was no hope of rest or peace for
him otherwise, effaced the cross of his
own accord.
The Monday following he carried his
rent to the house of his landlord.
" Ah ! ah ! Robert," said Mr. Taylor,
on perceiving him, "1 thought you
would soon repent your bargain. This
is a good lesson for envious and im
patient dispositions, who are incessantly
complaining. Do not complain of being
less fortunate tjhan others, for you know
not the sufferings of your neighboi. All
crosses are heavy ; the way to render
them light is to bear them with pa
tience, courage and good will.
Snakes as Pels.
Of all ungrateful, ill-conditioned,
disagreeable reptiles, the black snake
takes the lead, and, with the exception
of the common water-snake, is the most
pugnacious of all serpents I ever handled ;
it would bite fiercely when caught, and,
further, it would bite in captivity when
ever the temptation offered. We could
not tame it to any extent until, by beat
ing it smartly and repeatedly, we at
length succeeded in getting it to a state
of sullen, reluctant decency. Its bite
caused some blood to flow, but other
wise amounted to nothing. The water
snake was as snappish and unappreoia
tive of kindness as the black snake;
would bite when first captured and also
afterward during captivity, though in
this latter state not always, but as the
caprice seized it. The copper-head we
had only in two instances. One was
brought to us half dead, and died the
same evening. The other was captured
alive by placing the foot (well-booted)
on the reptile's neck, and inserting the
snake by degrees into a box. It was
always an uncivil, untamable animal,
utterly indifferent to the comforts and
allurements of civilized life. We con
tented ourselves with letting him alone
and looking at him through the wire
gauze front of his box. A large rattle
snake was sent us from the Blue moun
tains, but it had been so long in captivi
ty before reaching us, that all the spirit
was out of it. It had large fangs, but
never showed any disposition to use
them, and though we took it from its
box a dozen times a day, and handled it
sometimes not over-delicately. still it
never resented any of these liberties.
Twenty-five years have since passed
away, yet when I now think of our te
merity in this instance, it is never with
out a shudder. What I did then with
impunity aDd without thought, I would
not now repeat for a million of money.
Science News.
A Colorado Mining Camp.
A correspondent at Leadville, Col.,
says the rush to this wonderful camp
continues at a rate heretofore unknown
in the history of Colorado mining towns.
All day long may be seen footmen,
horsemen and loaded wagons coming up
the main streets. When night arrives,
and with it the numerous coaches from
the valleys, a perfect mass of human
beings are emptied into the streets and
begin the hunt for beds; a task in which
all do not succeed. Many must be con
tent with a shelter and a few blankets,
while others crawl back into the coaches
and remain there for the night. How
ever, they usually find quarters the
next day. There are but few who escape
the mining fever. Merchants, doctors,
lawyers, mechanics, -laborers all, rich
or poor, are more or less interested in
mining. The number of bullionaires
seen on the streets now, and who .were
scarcely able to buy bread a few weeks
since, only serves to stimlate the less
fortunate to greater exertions. Such is
the extent of the precious deposits that
most all have faith that they will reach
it by going deep enough. Amusements
of all kinds draw well. Four theaters
are now in operation and have fall
houses nightly.
How He Eluded Them.
Here is a little story about the Eng
lish burglar Peace. -It has always been
a cause of wonderment how he contrived
waa wiuuiu : auaouit iruui u.ia well
known haunts. A number of his visi
tors were discussing this point in the
Sheffield jail, and Peace was greatly
gAtified at the expressed' admiration of
his ngenuity. Said the affable assassin :
" Dl want to know how I dodged the
bobbV?" and on receiving a reply in
the af&niative, he said: " Well, I will
tell you Then he asked them to turn
their bacr,s to him. They did bo, , and
were asto
to find that Peace oom
pletely alfi
the expression of his
f ace, and
curled bis
protruded bis chin and
that in ordinary ciroum
stances it wo
been impossible
to reooniza
especially rs he had,
by ti:e peculiar
f:-r - It" a tl?l
r i - "Hi
Ved
Hp
nJVhave
hin
oo Abortion
THE PIE-EATER.
Varied and. ThrilllDSc Adventures of the
Champion of Posey County.
"Yes, sir; I'm the champion pie-
eater of the United States. You've
probably heard tell of me."
"Sit down, Mr."
" Gnzzler, sir. Crampton Guzzler,
sir, of Posey county. You see, Mr.
Editor, I thought as how I'd step in and
tell you some of my experience during
the two years of my professional career.
You can print it in your newspaper if
you like. I don't keer."
He turned up the lappel of his coat
and exhibited a badge.
" D'je see that, stranger?"
" Yes," we ventured. " New style of
button?"
Button ! Blazes, no 1 Why, that's
my badge. That s me championship
medal. These here fellows what walk'
so many miles in so many dissecutive
hours are all frauds. Everybody ought
to be able to walk. That only requires
legs and wind. But it takes a man of
indomitable character to eat pie."
'.' How did you first get into the pro
fession, Mr. Guzzler?"
" I'll tell you, mister, how that was.
One day I cum up hyar to the city and
went into a bakery to get something to
eat. I was allfired hungry, and the
first thing I seed was a tablefull of
fresh-baked pies. An idear struck mo.
I axed the baker what he'd take to let
me eat as many of them pies as I wanted.
He looked at me all over, and after
taking my measure, he said I might have
a'cart blank commission for fifty cents.
"I took him up and paid my half dol
lar rather rashly. I had no sooner done
it than I regretted my rashness kinder,
and I offered him a dime to let me off,
and I'd pay for what I got. But he said
a bargain was a bargain. Then I got
mad and set to work, beginnin with the
specie called apple. I had absorbed
eight pies, and was on the pint of quar
tering a pumpkin beauty, when I be
came aware that the baker was in
terested. When the third pumpkin pie
had sucoumbed he tried to buy me off
said he'd give me back a quarter if I'd
call it square. I told him I guessed
not. Now that I had got my hand in, I
reckoned I might just as well see how
far I could go without bnstin' a blood
vessel.
Then I tackled a new row and laid
em in promiscuous-line. There were
just forty-two pies of assorted variety oi
that table, and I swamped 'em all. If
the pies hadn't given out, I might have
found my capacity then and there. The
baker was speechless. I axed him
twice before he could answer if he knew
of any tavern near-by where I could git
a square meal. He said he didn't; but
there was a pork-house out at the
stockyards. As I went out of the door
I heard him tell his boy to go and build
the fire up in the oven again.
' Yes, sir. Well, I hadn't got to the
corner when the baker came running
up, and, said he, 'I've got an idea. I
thought he was going to say he had
baked some more pies; but he only
wanted to make a deposition. He said
there was millions in it that plan of
his. I should travel and give free eatin'
exhibitions. He would furnish the pies
if I would perform, and we'd divide the
profits. I agreed, and we drew up ar
ticles of partnership."
"Well?" we suggested, intensely in
interested, as he hesitated, with a rue
ful cast of countenance.
"It didn't work. The baker lost on
the pies, and drew out at the end of the
week $250 behind."
" People didn't appreciate your tal
ent ?" we suggested.
"Yes they did, though. That's what
swamped us. It warn't the natural
business that cost, but the angcores,
You see they insisted so much on me
repeatin' an act that the pies piled up
like thunder. May be you wouldn't
believe it, but I've been called out afore
the curtin as many as six times a night.'.'
v He stopped to reconnoitre for the ef
fect of his statement. Feeling assured,
he added : -
An every time I had to eat another
basket of pies."
"After the show broke, Mr. Guzzler,
what did you do ?"
" Why, then I went into the champion
business. That was two years ago come
Decoration day. Since then I hev et
seventy-two matches, an' lost only two
of 'em." z-.
"Lost, did you?"
Yes, sir. " I'm 'shamed to tell it,
but I lost 'em. 'Twarn't fair, however
'twarn't by fair means. First time I had
to knock under was up in Vigo county,
My competitor ware a feller who had no
fine pints of honor about him, an him
an' his backers set it up on me."
j"Hqwbo?" " '
Why. the rascal brioed the con
tractor who furnished the pies. WelL,
sir, d'ye believe it, the apples in his
pies had been cooked and swelled afore
they were .baked. Some way or 'nother
they succeeded in puttin' my apples into
the ornst just as they cum out of tile
bag? You kin guess the rest. - 4
Not exactly," we urged.
; f Well, while I was oorralin' the sixth
pie, them blamed apples I bad already
overcome began to soak and swell into
me. Then, mister, I had to cease far
ther operations, and tend to the contract
I already had taken. ; Never had sich a
time in my life. I could jest feel them
dried fruit swellur' up under my waist
band like bubbles from a pipe. They
kept a-swellin' and a-swellin' till I
thought I'd heve to git cut open."
"But you didn't?"
No,v.Kdir' JUter-they had inflat
ed to their full capacity, I found I had
breathin' room left, but that was: about
till. '- "Hy'fteart'ra'a pu8toa away to one
side, and had to thump and do duty off
in one corner for half a day,"
"Narrow escape," we suggested,
"IT: : rc-.:rr! Well, I eho-' 1 try
rv C v i cI tlt-i (?-'. ' i -
would have blown my head right off my !
shoulders like a busted biler."
"And your second defeat ?"
"Cum about in thiswise:. That was
up in, Grant county. Jtty component
didn't try no dried-apple dodge on me
not much. It wouldn't hev been
healthy ef he had. But it was my own
fault. I had told my baker to hev the
pies ready sure at the appointed hour
when we were ready to start. Well, he
'em ready too red-dy."
Gnzzler smiled at the pun, and then
suddenly winced and sucked in a mouth
ful of oool air as he seemed to recollect
something. -
Them pies had just come from the
oven, and were so hot they would have
melted stone. The hour was at hand.
however, an' I must either eat em or
lose the match. Well, sir, there never
was nothin I would not attempt, and I
charged."
"Charged?"
Yes, sir; I attempted to carry 'em
by storm. It was jest awful. Talk
about yer Chicago fire. Twarn't no
comparison.
Guzzler picked up his hat and tried
to fan away the recollection before he
continued. "
"I didn't get through the contract.
They tell me it was an awful sight while
it lasted. The smell that rolled out of
my mouth was like burnt cracklings.
The tears poured down my cheeks, fell
on the pie, and were turned into steam
till my face was scalded like a hog on
the outside, and though I couldn't see two
inches before my eyes, I kept it up till I
fainted."
Fainted?"
" Wall, yas, I might as well own up,
I fainted. But, Ptranger, if you had
seen the inside of my mouth durin' the
two months I was in the hospital, you
wouldn't have wondered that I fainted.
tell you, mister, the doctor said as
how the roof of my mouth got so hot
that it cooked the lower globe of my
brain. He wanted to open my head
and amputate the cooked globe, but I
said I hadn't any to spare, cooked or
raw."
" Then you lost the match ?"
" Lost the match ! Well, I reckon I
did; and I e'en a'most lost my demed
head in the bargain. I claimed foul on
t'other fellow, but the refugee wouldn't
low it. He said if I didn't know when
it got too warm for me, he guessed I'd
have to smoke."
Mr. Guzzler appeared to have finished
hia. reminiscence, for he untwisted his
legs, poised his hat on his scorched
cranium, stood up pretty much as a
telescope is drawn out. and tendered
us the following challenge for publi
cation:
To ALi who It may pisoebn: I hear
buy challenge enny man (or wumman)
in the U. S. black white or yaller be
tween the ages of six and sixty to ete
pize with me. Sed Pize to be uv stand
ard materile uv equel sighs with tu
krussts and an inch uv insides. Steaks
To Bee 5 hundred 8 np:
CbAMPTON GtJZZIiHB,
Pozy Co. Ind.
P.S. Pize to be cold. P.P.S. Dried
appel pize hard. - C. G.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Scolding.
With some, scolding is chronic Life
is one long fret. The flesh is feverish,
the nerves unstrung, the spirit per
turbed and in a state of, unrest. The
physical condition and the material sur
roundings may have a strong tendency
to disturb our equanimity and to exas
perate our feelings; but we are apt to
bear in mind that the scolding never
did anybody good, and withal grows to
be very uncomfortable to the party who
indulges in it.
Inappropriate to anybody, scolding
appears most hateful in parents and
ministers. Set to be dispensers of kind
ness and love to those with whom they
are more especially associated, it is hor
rible to see gall distilled instead of char
ity that blesses both parties. Scolding
turns a household into a pandemonium,
and a church into an inquisition. Bear
in mind that kindness and gentle speech
are a great deal easier to practice than
their opposites. Why practice the worse
thing when harder ? Arrest yourself in
the indulgence of this bad habit right
here. Begin now, and put yourself uut
der bonds to be good natured. Zion's
Herald. . ' ' -. .
An Astonished Editor. ;-,
An exchange says: "We find upon
our table one of the newest of pictures.
It is beautiful in design, small, but
showing great artistic skill in its make
up. The prevailing colors are green
and black, the two blending so harmo
niously that the effect is pleasing in the
highest degree. We shall not, of course,
presume to give an exact description of
this picture, but some of the characters
look so noble, bo striking, that we can
not refrain from describing them. The
head center, or rather the hero of the
picture, holds in his left hand a banner,
in his right hand a sword; his hat is
thrown on the ground, his head is thrown
back, his left foot extended, and, taken
altogether, his appearance is that of one
challenging another to mortal combat,
waiting for the other fellow to knock off
the chip. His eyes are cast upward,
resting on the word fi Hello! what's
this ? Great snakes t if it isn't a five
dollar bill ! We took it Jor some new
kind of a chromo that had come in the
mail. But we-see how it is either our
devil has been robbing a bank or some
delinquent subscriber has been conscience-stricken.",.
7 The natural selfishness of mankind Is
never- more strikingly set forth than in
the sSprem-e ' pleasure with which the
comfortably -housed railway paeaerrs
en jay sefiiijg C .train niie a farrier's
ts-am run awpy rrl r 3 ti t-"" l
r -.. f - - j jj. i - It" i
FARM, GARDES ASD HOUSEHOLD
Reclpea
Eoo Sauce. Boil the eggs hard; cut
them into small squares and mix them
in good butter sauce; make very hot.
and squeeze in some lemon juice before
serving.
Suet Pudding. One cup of suet,
one-half cup molasses, one and one-half
of sweet milk, three cups flour, cream-
tartar and soda; cup of raisins; steam
two and one-half hours.
Applk Jeixt. Core and cut out all
bad spots from the apples, then add a
very little water, and stew -as for apple
sauce; when done, put into a bag and
hang np to drain; when cool enough,
squeeze gently; be careful not to get
the pulp through. To a pint of juice
add a pound of sugar; boil twenty min
utes and it is done.
Fish Fritters. Take the remains of
any fish which has been served the pre
ceding day; remove all the bones, and
mince fine; add equal quantities of
bread crumbs and mashed potatoes; sta
in two beaten eggs; season with pepper
and salt; add enough cream to make ths
mass of the proper consistency to mold
into little balls, and fry them in boiling
lard.
Indian Light Biscuit. One quart of
sifted Indian meal, a pint of 6ifted
wheat flour, a very small teaspoonfnl of
salt, three pints of milk, four eggs.
Butter a sufficient number of cups or
small, deep tins; nearly fill them with
the batter. Set them immediately into
a hot oven, and bake them fast. Turn
them out of the cups, send them warm
to table, pull them open and eat with
butter. They will puff up finely if, at
the last, you stir in a level teaspoonful
of soda, melted in a little warm water.
Cbect, ob Cabbot Soup. Procure
six fine red carrots, scrape and wash
well, and slice very thin; also two heads
of celery, two onions, two ounces of
ham, similarly ; two cloves, one blade of
mace, one sprig of thyme, one teaspoon
fnl of salt, one of sugar, half teaspoon
ful of pepper, one small bayleaf, if
handy. Place the whole in a stew-pan,
with three ounces of butter; stew gently
for one hour; rub through a flour seive,
place the pulp in the same stew-pan,
add two quarts of " stock" or broth, and
bring to a boil, stirring all the time; add
a little plain boiled rice.
Uoaaehold Hlata.
Lamp wick dipped in hot vinegar is
said to prevent offensive . smell . from
lamps.
Crusts and pieces of bread should be
kept in an earthen jar, closely covered,
in a dry, cool place.
Tortoise shell and horn combs are
preserved from cracking by being oc
casionally rubbed with oil.
Lard for pastry should be used hard
as it can be cut with a knife. It should
be cut through the flour, not rubbed.
Yellow ivory-handled knives may be
restored to their original whiteness by
being rubbed with sand-paper and
emery.
Keep salt in a dry place ; yeast in
wood or glass ; fresh lard in tin vessels;
vinegar in wood or glass ; preserves and
jellies in glass ; meal and flour in a cool,
dry place. -
Kerosene explosions are often caused
by allowing lamps to sit on mantel
pieces and in other warm places during
the day. The oil becomes heated and a
dangerous gas is generated in the vacant
space above the oil.
If a sponge, after being used a week,
is then put away to thoroughly dry, and
another used for an equal time, the
soft, flabby and worn-out sponge re
covers its texture. Sponges treated in
this way outlast three ordinary ones.
The most effectual means of ridding
birds of lice is to spread over the cage,
at night, a fine bleached cotton cloth.
In the morning, when, the cloth is re
moved, dark specks will be found upon
it, almost infinitesimal to the keenest
eyesight, but nevertheless, when crush
ed with a finger, it will be found that
blood from your bird was secreted
there. Boston Traveler.
' Maaactasi Fralt Tree.
A Bucks county, Pa., subscriber asks
the following questions, and we answer
them in their order:
1st. " Having a number of fruit trees,
what would be the proper time for trim
ming?" .-
We prefer to prune in the early fall,
or at the close of summer. The buds
are forming for the ensuing year, and
there is yet time for wounds made by
the pruning-knife to heal before winter
sets in. . . -
- 2d. " What is the best time for trans
planting?" . " '
Transplanting in the fall checks the
growth less than the spring, and is,
therefore, to be preferred. In either
case stake well to prevent the shaking
of the trees, and the consequent loosen
ing of the earth from the roots by high
winds. Use - strong,7 tall stakes. If
short ones are used the band, whether
of straw or twine, will chafe the- bark,
perhaps cut through it, and injure if it
does not destroy the trees. The manner
of transplanting is more important than
th6 selection of one or other of the
above seasons. Dig well around. and
under the roots. Remove them with as
little injury as practicable, and with as
much adhering earth as possible. Pre
pare roomy holes; set the trees in the
former position, as regards depth, and
impact the earth round the roots by
wetting and pressing it. Practical
Farmer. ) ' ,- . ..
Caltvs sf Csnaaia, : ' : '
A writer in Cblman'g Rural World
says : The currant has been, and is yet
to a greater or lesser extent, mort
shamefully .neglected. A few "plzrii
arcrrberjl froo ese: crrrrrynin, cr
1 j t ,r-a t:::l ii t c ;m
, . a-- J (
themselves. The land on which they
are to be planted should be aet 6x6 feet
in rows, the ground having been first
deeply plowed and harrowed.
Keep all weeds down and the soil
well stirred with a cultivator until hot
weather sets in, when they should be
mulched with straw, thick enough to
keep all weeds down; after the second
year they must be pruned every fall or
early in the spring, allowing cot mora
than five or six young shoots to remain.
Care should also be taken to cut away
the hard substance which frequently
grows around the stock, jnst above the
ground, which is the destruction of
more currants than anything else, be
cause it is generally not noticed until
it is too late. A well-kept currant bosh
will yield from one to two gallons of
fiuit, bat not in the fence corners, with
grass and weeds three or four feet high
all around them.
Denouncing the Paragrapher.
Mrs. Blake, in her "Plea for
Women," goes for the paragraphers
with a sharp stick. She starts off with
a general denunciation of newspaper
men in general mi the paragraphers in
particular, and winds up her discourse
with a plea that newspapers devote
more space to the wants of women, and
and less to paragraphers to make fun of
them. Always anxious to let our light
shine, we will give Mrr. Blake's argu
ment a place in our columns, and prom
ise not to charge a cent for the favor.
She starts off by saying : You take up
a newspaper, for instance, and looking
throngh its columns you will scarcely
find anything of direct interest to
women until your eye lights upon a
fashion letter. TLis is all very well.
We heartily believo in the gospel of
good gowns," but it is discouraging
that this should be all, and it usually
is all until you turn to a column headed,
perhaps, "About Women," or "Femi
nine Items." On looking down this
you will find it made up of a little so
ciety gossip, some more fashion notes,
and paragraphs which the funny man
exhausts himself in writing, as, for in -stance
:
" The true girl has to be sought for,"
Bays Oliver Wendell Holmes. She does,
Oliver, she does; especially if you want
her the day milliners have their fall
openings. She has to be sought for
pretty theroughly then.
We would like to remark that the
true man" has to be sought for a
good deal more diligently, and that it
is a difficult thing to find him, at axy
time, by reason of his going to much
worse places than millinery openings.
And here is another.
Ladies are the watches pretty
enough to look at; sweet faces and deli
cate hands, but somewhat difficult to
regulate" after they are set agoing.
We beg to say again that although
gentlemen do not resemble watches by
having "sweet faces and delicate
hands," they do resemble poor watches,
in that they are very apt to go " too
fast," and as a consequence to get veiy
much " run down," nd as for regu
lating " them that is quite impossible.
Here is another witty paragraph :
If young Udies attending church
would give more attention to the num
ber of the hymn the pastor gives out,
and not so much attention to the num
ber of hims that are in the church, they
would not be so apt to aing one hymn
while the congregation are singing
another.
To which we would reply that to few
young men go to church at all that .if
the young ladies do look at them
which we do not for a moment admit
it is because they are natural curiosities;
and what young men do go, nev&r by
chance do anything else but look at the
pretty girl.
Oar friend Mrs. Blake then goes on to
say: "Instances of the sort we have
here given might be indefinitely mul
tiplied, and it is difficult to take up a
funny oolumn anywhere without feeling
that woman must be regarded by the
paragrapher as some queer and rare
animal, like a dodo or a plesiosaurus
a singular being occasionally discovered
by the naturalist, and of whom all sorts
of strange things may be stated sweep
ing assertions with regard to the
whole sex being constantly made which .
have only reference t J a fractional por
tion of it. Lovely woman, says the
orator of the evening at a public dinner.
and never remembers the toiling Ihon
Bauds of plain feminine creatures who ai a
struggling for their wretched existence.
If a party of ladies were to toast ' Lovely
man' it would be no more absurd.
Anything trivial or criminal that women
do is duly chronicled in the papers;
anything serions that they undertake is
passed by unnoticed or compressed into,
the briefest possible statement. Ac
counts of the first sort amuse male read
ers of the papers, accounts of the latter
weary them; while matters even of grave
import to women are lightly noticed, as,
for instance, during Horace Greeley's
day, the Tribune chronicle! three wife
murders under the head of Minor
Items."'
From this subject she goes on and
clamors for woman's suffrage; wants to
vote, drive street oars, play billiards, be
a politician ; and finally prays for the
time to come when women will have
money enough to print a great journal,
which shall be written by women, for
women and about women. We advise
Mrs. Blake to confine herself to the
columns of the papers already estab
lished. Starting a newspaper has de
moralized many a full-grown fortnne,
and many a man has retired a wiser and
poorer man after having tried the ex
periment to his entire satisfaction.
Upon the othsr points of the discourse
we are ia per!c:t accord with the lay,
and prc"i:s ret to pels ray dots fza
a till Tr:--rT'J xra c'A Kt-IaL-J-aet'
'n C-:''A