OCR Interpretation


The Illinois free trader. (Ottawa, Ill.) 1840-1841, April 24, 1841, Image 1

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn92053237/1841-04-24/ed-1/seq-1/

What is OCR?


Thumbnail for

l l i.
7-
THE ILI1I0I
FMEE TEA DECS.
Oar Country, bcr Commrrct, and her Frte Institntiom.
VOLUME I.
OTTAWA, ILLINOIS, FRIDAY, APRIL 24, 1841.
NUMBER 49.
rUHLISIlKll WKF.KLT NT
GEORGE F. WEAVER & JOHN HISE,
'Canal Street, nearly opposite the Mansion House.
terms :
Two dollars and fifty cents per annum, if paid in
advance; Three dollars if not paid before the expi
ration of the first six months; And three dollar
and twenty-five cents if delayed until the end 01
the vrar.
Advertisements inserted at $ per square for
ihn first itm-rlmn. ami 23 CCIlU for eacU 8UI1
lilieral discount made to
those who advertise bv the year.
fXjNo paper discontinued until all arrearages:
are paid, unless at the option of the editors.
All communications, to ensure attention, must
be post paid.
JOB WORK
Of every description, executed in the neatest
manner, at the usual prices.
OTTAWA is the seat of justice of La Salle
county; is situated at the junction of the Fox river
with the Illinois, SUO miles, by water, from Saint
Louis, and mid-way between Chicago and Peoria.
The population of Ottawa is about one thousand.
. Agents lor Ihe Free Trader.
M. Mutt, ) r ha Sallc comitv, ill.
I. H'lFFMA, 5
C. (J. Millki", Dayton.
A. O. Smith, tSuiith's mills.
Jahox (li'iti.Kr, Troy (Jrove.
1.. W. Uinmuck, Vermilionvillc.
IlKsnr lu i t.i.1 r, Muiisoii, (Indian creek.)
1'. XV. llBrvotns, 1 M. 1'oiitiuc.
KitK M ) :i v, Morgan' mill.
Jimks (!. l'Ltei, Bristol, Kane Co. 111.
Wilmim Uinkt, near Van Curen, III.
Wiliiam K. Uii'iwx, Sunliury, Illinois.
IlK-nv Hicks, Hicks' mill, Do Kalh Co. Ill,
W. XV. XVtss, Oswe.ro, Kane Co. III.
Avnioxt 1'iTZKii. lioonesboro', Oslo Co. III.
IKK itm.WBJrt.W'' VJSl&XZmr
TO lMlt.llKKS.
Neut be your farms; 'tis long confessed
Thn neatest farmer is the best.
l.arh bog and marsh iiithiKtrioii drain,
Nor let vile bulks deform the plain ;
No bushes on your headland grow,
For briars a sloven's culture show.
JXeut be your barns, your houses neat,
Your doors be clean, your court yaids sweet ,
No moss the sheltering roof enshroud,
Nor wooden pains the window cloud,
No filthy kennels foully flow,
Nor weeds with rankling poison grow ;
Dut shades expand and fruit tieis bloom,
And flowering shrubs exhale perfume;
With pales your garden circle round ;
Defend, enrich and clean the ground ;
Prize high the pleasins;, useful rood,
And fill with vegetables good.
THE COtTAUK IIEAIITII.
Ah ! if there be one spot on earth.
Where cloudless joy and bliss have birth,
Where blighted sorrows seldom come,
And envy's bitter tongue is dumb
The spot of quiet peace and mirth,
Is found biaide the cottage health.
Thrice happy lot, where friendship's light
On many a lovely eye is bright
Where heart and hand to kindness given,
Prepare an antepast of heaven,
And consecrate an humble cot,
With that which kings in vi i i have sought.
Short I'alrnl ftcrnions.
I have selected the following, bv J. E.
Dow, a namesake of mine, as a text for
this occasion :
Old Time! old Time! youv'e passed away,
And men have sadly altered ;
The robber walks amid the day,
Unchided and unhaltercd.
The statesman talks away hi time,
And leaves the people starving,
The scales of Justice lean to crime,
And doctors cure by carving.
My hearers Refinement and corrup
tion are always found to be wedded to
gether. They are so closely allied that it
is difficult to distinguish which from
which, or 'tother from 'lother. In fact,
refinement, such as we boast of at the
present day, is nothing but a mass of cor
ruption, coated with a beautiful exterior
of hypocritical pretension. Old Time
has not wholly passed away, as my text
might seem to imply ; for he is destined
to drive his chariot (the wheels to which
are rolling years) into the edge of eternity,
before he can be reckoned among the has
beens ; but old time have passed away,
and present times have fallen into such a
state of degeneracy, that I doubt much
HrAlrtAw av r atinll Y ifA tnir (imAa nl nit 1-v t
WllCliici vj M ouaii atij bunt, a ah an try
and by. We talk of improvement! What
kind of improvement do wc make T Man,
after having soared upon the wings of
science to the celestial cities of the stars,
and explored the aerial desert of space
havinir frunr tin in balloons nmonn- the
""o o r n
dark billowy clouds, and ascertained, by
analyzation, the component parts of thun
der and lightning is, after all, farther olf
irom heaven now, than he was five hund
red or a lhmiftsinri vnir qirn Tt it tKa uiit
of telescopes and a kind of delusive fancy.lyonr heads. Such arc our statesmen,
, he brings objects from above, apparently
. ncar and then foolishly imagines that he
at last has arrived at the very door
of heaven ! What folly! what vainness !
Why, my friends to tell you the plain
truth, as we advance scientifically, intel
lectually, and socially, we digress moral
7u. -There is no moTe mistake about it
than there is in twice two. Good morals
can't exist where fashion and refinement
n oa!stffll Ufitfl Vllf - Yml m in-lit nm
' ...... ..WW, - " .J,... W
soon think of catching trout from a putrid
pool, or of breeding musquitocs from a
living spring. The morals of this and
i r i
tail, while vice keeps turning up and cur
ling under, like the posterior embellish,
ment of a cur. As the accomplished arts
flourish, morality is left in the shade ;
nnd it cannot grow while such weeds are
sapping it of its vitality. While this
state of things remains, man may grow
wiser and wiser with each returning day ;
hut, depend upon it, he can become no
better. Wc have among us a swarm of
tinkers of public morals ; but while they
endeavor to stop one hole, they are sure
to make ten more if they don't even ex
pose their own rottenness. In fact, my
friends, morals arc like an old shirt : they
may look cleaner for washing, but, at the
-i . !
same lime, iney are worse man ever,
and more liable to rip in the back. The
jonly way to forward the growth of mo-
Erality is to cut away and make a bonfire
of all such noxious brushwood as avarice,
cupidity, venality, fashion, and selfish
ness, and then it will flourish spontane
ously upon the uncultivated soil of the
heart, and make man appear as he once
was pure, spotless and undented.
My dear friends it is a melancholy
truth that man has sadly altered. I don't
believe that he looks any more like the
model which the creator made as a pattern
for us all, than a ribbed-nosed baboon
looks like Prince Albert or the king of
the Cannibal Islands. His moral attri
butes are not the same, and his exterior
ias lost all its original marks. Oil! how
1 - at M
degenerate is man : anu un, now corrup
tion oozes from the sores of society !
Not only the professional robber walks
unchided and un haltered in the broad light
of day, but you also yes, you, ye uncer
emonious robbers all of you, are permit
ted to rob one another, 'by way of trade,'
as the saying is, or in other words, 'just
for a lark,' with perfect impunity. Yes,
you lie, cheat and steal all the week for
the sake of mammon, then go to church
and pile up your sins at the foot of the
altar, and then hurrah for more money,
either by fair or by foul means. You
dare not deny it, you sin-scathed sons of
avarice, that many of you have been
known to drive over dead mendicants
bones, on your unhallowed errands of i
venality ; and I have no doubt that many I
of you are only
free from the chargo of ,
picking pennies from a blind beggar's hat
on the ground that no opportunity has yet
been afforded. Now, my friends, you j
must know that you are paying a very I
every community nave, ior a iung uuie,
been growing downward, like a cow's
heavy tax for the privilege of being miser-'the
able; and I really wonder that you don't!
bring about a reform of self-government.
and let peace, contentment and happiness
once more hang their evergreen wreaths
in the blighted bovvers of the heart.
Our Congressmen, my friends, what are
they ? Nothing but blood suckers upon
the cheek of Uncle Sam. They talk and
drink for eight dollars a day and you have
... i .1.. . . r . i. .1 : i
to stand the treat. Don t be deceived.-
While they pretend to be strengthening
the pillars which support our temple of,
liberty, they are often, by their very acts,1
undermining its base : and vou must not
lie surprised if the whole fabric come
down, one of these days, with an awful
crash, and upon its ruins spring up the
deadly upas of despotism. The fact need
not be concealed that our Senators and
Representatives who are now feeding
upon government fodder at the District of
Columbia, will gamble at the faro banks,
play cards, dice, make use of profane Ian
guage, quarrel, fight duels, and drink gin
cocktails. It is true they go to church,
but it is for form's sake. They seldom
read their bibles, and their bosoms are
well stuffed with selfish pride and vanity.
Instead of walking and watching upon the
walchtowers of the nation, they are loaf
ing, idling and blackguarding their time
away ; therelore, don t be deceived, 1
repeat, in your estimation ol tlicm over
such hewers of wood and drawers of wa
ter, as we common folks are. They may
preach as much as they please about the
rights and privileges of the poor; all they
care for is the glory and honor of .their
stations. They are always ready to sac
rifice paltry words for the sake of free
dom, but vou don't catch them sacrificing
any thing of greater value. They ask
you to give them a boost into the tree of
office; and what do they do? they cat
the apples and then throw the cores at
and such is man at the present day. Ojr
doctors are working hard for death and
the devil on shares. There was a time
when tlicv could live and let live ; but
now they cut and slash at poor humanity,
as though it were an inanimate lump of
clay. They feed the jaws of the sepulchre
with all the coldness and wn froid that
ever n menagerie keeper threw a pluck to
a tiger. But I will not dilate upon this
uncongenial topic.
My friends as the good old days are
gone forever, and never more to return,
we most try to prevent th rust, which
has now gathered upon the times, from
spreading farther, rather than, in useless
endeavors, to rub it wholly off. If you
have a mind to try, there will be no diffi
culty in getting smoothly on, till you ar
rive at that blessed countiy where the
times are first rate, and strict morality
prevails forever and ever. 5o mote
it be ! DOW, Jr.
From the Albany Cultivator.
To Wratera Emigrants.
By sundry assurances from unknown
fri mis, that my articles have answered
some of the purposes for which they were
written, I am encouraged to continue
Even if they did no other good than to be
the moving cause of bringing "two Dur
ham cows" from my native state of Coil'
necticut, to feed upon our boundless past
ures, I should be satisfied. I hope Mr
Allen will give the required information,
as to cost of freight, iic. And here 1
will take the liberty of saying to all per
sons desiring information connected with
the great cause of improvement in agricul
lure, upon any branch within the exten
sive knowledge of A. Ii. Allen, or his
brother Ii. L. Allen, of nuffalo, that they
have but to ask, and they will receive.
If they wish similar information from
Chicago, address John S. Wright, Esq.,
Editor of the "Union Agriculturist
No emigrant need fear any difficulty in
bringing along cattle and hogs. -Several
of the masters of steamboats on the Lakes,
seem to take great interest in the ship
ment of choice stock to the West. I have
had three lots of pigs, shipped from Buf
falo to Chicago during the last summer,
in the sole care of the master of the boats,
and from the appearance of the pigs on
arrival, they must have been treated like
cabin passengers. In fact, none but
brute could maltreat a Berkshire pig.
In the shipment of furniture, emigrants
need advice. Great care should be taken
in packing everything in the most compact
manner, in barrels and boxes, strongly
hooped and nailed ; and very plainly
marked with full directions. The freight
upon the canal is charged by the pound.
V T . W 1 1
upon me Jake, anu upon storage in
ware-houses it is charged by the barrel
bulk. The best way is to contract in
New
York or Albany, for the whole
charge
of transportation clear through,
and pay it, and take a receipt, specifying
the contract completely. If you have
family, you will have enough to look
after, without watching your freight all
journey. Many articles are lost,
through the carelessness of the owners.
Articles are sold every year in Chicago
"for freight and charges," that never had
any mark upon them of owner's name or
destination, l ou cannot be too careful
Be economical, prudent and good natured
upon your journey. Avoid haste, and
hasty words although often provoked,
3 and be determined to have a pleasant
B: i c.. .. :n
journey, and my word lor it, you will
have. And at whatever sacrifice, be sure
to sutilo all your business before you
start, for I have found out that "money
to come from the East," is a very snail
of a traveller; it but rarely overtakes the
emigrant ; and as for "going back after
money," you can earn two new dollars
here while you can hunt up one old one
there.
If it he possible, always fix upon some
definite spot for your location before you
start and when you arrive in a new settle
ment, beware of sharks, lie careful to
settle in a healthy spot, although the soil
should be less rich. Nothing disheartens
the new settler so much as a season of
sickness in the first year ; and it is often
brought on by great imprudence.
One prevailing fault among new settlers
is undertaking too much the first years
I have known many to completely pros
trate themselves in the vain endeavor to
fence and cultivate forty acres with strength
only sufficient for ten, and after months
of toil finally compelled to witness the
destruction of the whole crop, in conse
quence of their inability to "finish the
fence." Not only the loss of crop, but a
severe fit of sickness, brought on by over
exertion and exposure. For probably,
while toiling at the field, the finishing of
the house has been put off, and at last
when placed in a situation to require
comfortable shelter from storms and windslliad become, through the intervention of
there is nothing of the kind. I have per
sonally known much suffering, and some
times death, to arise from such circum
stances. How much better lo make a
email beginning. To be sure and make
the cabin as comfortable as possible, for
at the best, it is to a family that have
never been used to the like, but a tempo
rary convenience, generally occupied more
through necessity than choice. Not but
that a log house can he made most com
pletely comfortable, and I have often seen
those of a very rough exterior, which
shewed the highest degreo of neatness
within. But there is such an anxiety
among many emigrants to get a large
farm, that the dwelling is neglected. This!
is all wrong, it is better to have a "littleall assembled, and among them many of
land well tilled," and a house, if notlthe customers of the two stores. Angeli
"vvell filled," inside, at least have all thelca and Thomas lookrd as happy as well
cracks in the outside well filled, if youCcould be, and the old gentleman was, if
expect to keep the wife, "well willed."
Many an ague fit is brought upon the
new settler by the unusual exposure to
vvnicii mey sum en themselves in an un
finished log cabin with all the cracks open,
perhaps without door or window, and but
half a chimney, and sometimes neither
floor or fire-place.
aucn a cnange irom an tormer usage
cannot be submitted to with impunity,
although in the summer time, and though
it be merely for that indefinite period.
"when I get over my hurry." The fact
is that an industrious man on a new place,
where every thing is to be cieated by the
work of his own hands before it can be
called a farm, is never out of a hurry.
And I am sure that I shall have all the
female part of my emigrant friends upon
my side, when I insist that it should al
ways be the first thing to do as I am sure
it is the first duly of the emigrant, to
make the dwelling house as comfortable
as the circumstances will possibly admit.
If a man will expose his own health, he
is bound by the strongest ties to protect
that of his wife and children at all times,
and doubly so. when he has brought them
away from the thousand comforts thats
they have been reared to, "to begin a new
home in the wilderness." And although
the new settler's log cabin is necessarily
i rough uncouth looking dwelling, it can
with a very small amount of labor, be
made tight, warm, comfortable and pleas-
ant. now many oi my readers now
1 welling in their handsome mansion hou
ses, will, as they peruse this, look back
to the positive happy days that they en
joyed in a log cabin.
That many of their descendenls who
are disposed to partake ot the bounties
I 1 a a
that nature has provided for the industri
ous man in the Great West, will yet en
joy life in the same kind of humble habi
tation, is the sincere wish of their hum
ble log cabin friend.
SOLON ROBINSON.
Lake C. II. Ia., Jan. 28, 1841.
A fk'crrt warlh Knowing.
"Truth is strange stanger than fiction
Under this head the Long Island Star
publishes an interesting tale, for the ex
tended details of which we cannot find
room, but must content ourselves with
giving Hie leauing laeis in a con
densed form, for the benefit of our read
ers.
A young grocer of good character and
correct habits, commenced business in a
rood and improved neighborhood. His
stock was small, as were his means, and
his stock of customers was still smaller.
His sales hardly met his expenses, and
he was evidently going "down hill," and
in old grocer on the opposite corner pre
dicted that he vvovld soon be at the bot
tom.
1 hat the young grocer had reason to
regret this opinion of the old grocer will
appear. 1 lie latter had a daughter who
had won the heart of the former.
lie of-
fered himself to her and was rejected. It
was done, however, with the. assurance,
that he was the man of her choice, but
that she acted in obedience to her father's
onimaud.
Assured of the ailVctions of the woman
of his choice, he set himself about remov
ing the only obstacle in the way of their
union ; the father's objection to his pe
cuniary prospects.
A year had elapsed, and lo, what a
change t The young grocer was now
going up hill with the power of a steam
locomotive ; customers flocked to his
store from all quarters, and even many
had left the old established stand on ihejfortune, and not me. Do you know, Ma-
opposite corner, for the young favorite,
'I here was a mystery about it which puz
led the old grocer sorely, but which he
could not unravel. At length be became
nearly sick with losses and aggravations,
and vain attempts to discover the secret of
his neighbor's success.
At this juncture, Angelica for that was
the daughter's name contrived to bring
about an apparently accidental interview
iictween tnc parties. Alter me old man
the daughter, tolerably good humored,
he inquired, with great earnestness, of the
young man, how he had contrived to ef
fect so much in a single year, to thus ex
tend his business, and draw oil' the ens
toiiiers from oilier stands.
' The young man evaded an answer, but
inquired if he had any further objection
to his union with Angelica. "None,
replied he, "provided you reveal the se
cret of your success." This the young
man promised, when his happiness was
made complete. The old man commend
ed his prudence on this point. The af
fair was all settled, and the marriage then
took place.
The friends of the young couple were
possioie, nappier man mey. The bridal
cake was about to be cut. when the old
man called out for "the secret."
"Aye, the secret, the secret," exclaim
ed fifty voices.
"It is a very simple matter," 6aid Tho
mas, "I ADVERTISE!!!"
The old gentleman was very, very old-
lasluoned, and while he shook Thomas by
the hand, and kissed Angelica fifty times
over, he merely muttered,
'WAi, the dick
ens dhrnt think of that T
A Warm foriwr.
A couple of resurrectionists started for
a subject one cold night, in a small cover
ed waggon and succeeded in finding one.
When they had disinterred the body they
dressed it up in a frock coat, hat, &c..
placed it between them in their waggon,
and started for home. The weather
being very cold and coming in sight of a
tavern they concluded to stop and "take
a drink," which they did, leaving their
inanimate companion sitting erect upon
his seat, with the horse's reins lying in
his lap. The ostler observing three indi
viduals in the wagon when it was driven
up and noticing thai but two went into the
house, thought he would inquire of the
third why he did not follow his compa
nions. So he walked up lo the wagon
and asked the reason for his
behind.
No unswer was returned. After ques
tioning the dumb gentleman some lime,
he took hold of him and found that his
Chan J was upon a dead man ! Although
terrified at first, his mind soon solved the
mystery, he recollected that one of the
individvals who was sipping toddy at the
bar was a medical student. "So," says
the ostler, "I'll have some fun with these
larks." He hoisted the body from the
wagon and carried it into the stable, when
ho took off its clothes, put them on him
self, and then placed himself in the wa
gon ; after a short lime the students re
turned one of them jumped up beside,
as they supposed, the dead man, and in a
merriment struck him upon his knee, ex
claiming, "how would you like some flip,
my old fellow ?" The moment the words
had passed his lips, he observed to his
companion in a low and trembling voice,
"Ben, he's warm!" This started Ben.
but he recovered his self possession in a
moment and after reproving his friend for
fiighlening him unnecessarily, stepped
up and touched the ostler himself; in an'
instant choked with fear, he repealed
what his companion had just said, "lie
is warm, by heavens." "And so would
JUU m It WlltU I IH, US III I , III ll UlliiniMt ll
'-!! lift ' rnidlml llio nll.tH in AnMiKi.lrl
and ghostly tone, "if you had just bei
stolen from hell, as I am." The students
took to their heels and never once turned
to claim their horse and wagon.
Choosing n lliitlmud.
really don't know which I love
'I
best," said Jane Manvrrsc to her friend
Marian Westell, as she returned from a
splendid party where she was "the admir
ed of all admirers," "William Stanton or
Frederick English. Out of a host of ad
mirers that my fortune, now that I nm an
heiress, has brought to my feet, 1: have
selected them. They arc neither rich
both are filled with sentiments of honor,
as far as expressions and general conduct
go. Hoth love me. Neither has ex
pressed it in strong terms but both only
wait for the nc sary encouragement, 1
am sure, to pop the question. To cither
my fortune would he an advantage; ami
they may it is an ungenerous thought.
but I cannot help entertaining it love mv
an, 1 nave strong thoughts ol putting
III:
their love to the test ?"
"How can you do it ?"
"I have thought of a way. You tuny
remember that I hail a cousin who wns
supposed to be lost at sea, and the pro
perty which has made a poor, unnoticed
girl so much courted, was to be Ins, il hel
tAaan !!! "
"Yr, but you have had the full andaTtunun, late of Athens, Geo. He wasl
positive proofs of his decease." Estopping ul a tavern up the country,' and
"I know it, but the world docs not.Bused to lounge about the bar, and ' come!
nor can my two lavoureii lovers oc c-it over me people s uquor. oi agias.
quainted with the fact. I thcreforo pro-Kcnuld be left for a moment but, he would,
pose to state in the papers that my .cousipghlily slip up and drink its contents. " One
is not dead as was supposed.' To givegday a stage driver came in, nnd called a
up for a time my splendid cstablislniu iu.Estiir horn of brandy toddy. John iinine
aud lo retire into comparative poverty. Gdiattly shufdled to the bar. The dri
ll is said thai kings and heiresses rarclyQvcr knew his man, and immediately play-j
hear the truth from tho flatterers by vhoui3ed possum by leaving his brandy while
they are surrounded. This will at IcastShe steppped to the door, ihe bait tool
lust mv itiuiiua. , iiii.iv hiuiiiv uu ui uiVH
fM:...u ilT I, . k . 1, ...... ...
plan , i 'ft
"Exccllent-r-try it, by all means.'
J he idea was acted upon, and it was
curious to see how Jane's admirers drop-l
pedAifl one by one. Her two lovers!
wailed upon her at first in her retirement,
and Jane was more puzzled than ever
which to choose. Frederick EnglishV
visits became Id a short time more like
angel's that is, few and far between'
while William Stanton's, werccohetinf.
Upon one of these he said, "My dear
Miss Manvcrs, I have known you long.
In the days of your prosperity snrround
as you were by many lovers who were
aflluent, I did not dare to disclose to you
a passion which I had felt from the mo
ment I knew you, and whieh has grown
and strengthened with my acquaintance.
Now that you are poor, like niysel.f, the
diffidence which had else hermeticillv
sealed my lips from divulging my hearts
passion, is removed. I nm not affluant,
hut I can support you with respectability
at least, and if you will accept for your
husband one who loves you devotedly,
I do not think that you will ever regret
the hour that makes vou mine. At least
1 1 will try never to give you cause.
Til 1 ll"lt a
i ueueve you, near imam, sa'
Jane, "and if you will accept a beg
for I am little better V
"Say not so, dearest I cannot list
to such wrong, even from your lips."
"Your fortunes wiil not sutler by C
union." ?;
i u:vt tney never can
our marriage take place !"
"Next week, if you will."
"At your lodgings here !"
"No, at the house of a friend. Call
for me, and we will proceed together
there."
At the day appointed, William was in
readiness, accompanied by Fiedcrick Eft-
glish. They were both surprised ot thi )
magnificence of Jane's attire, and thought
it somewhat out of character with her cit i
ininiofiMnnc )n 1 1 rt ii' i ti rA innrfl enrnvSa.' 1
i. iiiii.i unit uiu lion in vn u iiiuiv ciiii'ii0
t a
eu were tney when stepping into n car
riage with Jane and Eliza, they were dii
ven to Jane's former residence, and found
Iter still the mistress and the heiress, and
learned the plot by which she had tested
her lovers. The way Frederick cursed
himself and his fortune was not slow.
Girls, you, who possess money, make
it a point of finding out, before the irrevo
cable knot is lied, whether you are loved
for yourselves or your fortunes.
Frvrr nnd Agae. .
The editor f the Champion of Demo
cracy thus "lets out." We do not envy
the man his ague, but we are not sorry he
has it. It shakes a capital article out of
him :
"We can shake hands with an earth
quake, crack jokes with a tornado, dance
at the top of a volcano, out laugh a thun
deistorm, whistle the wind out of countf-
uance, drive a hurricane landuin,. catch
whales in a Maelstroom and broil them in
ill die crater of Vesuvius; wc can kiss a pret
,3iy woman, and laugh when we fvel our
. . . . . ft f t
Mb ' 11V V l till LL II' lllltll't HIV IIMK HV'll l J V t
delicate hand, but wo cannot write edito
rials, when our njnie fit is threatening to
make ten thousand little stars from the
fragments ol this world on which we live.
All that we can say is, thala man can't
he expected to do much, when he is alter
nating between those agreeable states of
heal and cold, wherein consists the beau
ly of f ver and ague. Some old philoso
phers were of opinion that the wicked
would be punished hereafter by being first
par boiled and then cast into an ice bath
and this process was to be continually re
neated. Only think of it, a whole eterni
ty of fever and ague! ,i f
A poet once said "variety's the spice
of life that lends existance half its' zest ;"
hut the poet although he was good at the
ory, knew nflthing at all of practice. . Hot
and cold, cold nnd hot, there's variety, no
pice about it, unless quinine comes under
that genus, and so far from "lending exist
ence" to any ihing it knocks a man into
nonentity njiieh quicker than n rail road
I'onhl. . ' '
Confound the fever and ague !
Hold on we take that back. Spoke
too late, by George ! Here it comes with,
kind of a sha-a-a-a-a-a-king, and shi-shi-ili-shi-vering.
and hu-hu-hu-hudlings and
a-a-a-a-a- oh Lord! !"
A tiooA Joke
Hi 111 4 ' la Itrtfjt M C Pil riln a fitf A riKalllt TK II I
CI .t..t..i.ri.m It t emir Ittrt nlvcsi Am '
hmi iv'miuut u v fmpij
and exclaimed, with all the diabolical hoes
ror he could effect, , ., . ., '
"Brandy and opium enough to kill for
ty men who drant uie puen j , , .
"I! ' stammered John, ready to give
up the ghost with affright.' I
i
V

xml | txt