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Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, December 16, 1893, Image 3

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. THE ARGUS, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16, 1893. ' , ; ' ' O
1
Id Uto best raacd for
tH ccmnlaiats peculiar
Sustain Home Industry
BY-
Calling for Book Island
Brewing Co., Beer.
The Best Beer Made,
On Tap everywhere.
TRY IT.
The Rock Island Brewing Company, success
ors to George Wagner's Atlantic Brewery, I.
Hater's City Brewery and Raible & Stengel's
Rock Island Brewery, as well as Julius Junge's
Bottling Works, his one of the most complete
Brewing establishments including Bottling de
partment in the country. The product is the
very best. Beer is bottled at the brewery and
delivered to any part of the tri-cities, and may
be ordered direct from the head offices or Mo
line avenue by Telephone.
IXCOIiro RATED UOEH THE STATE LAW.
Rock Island Savings Bank,
Rocs Islakd,' III.
IMa V froa a. . to p. tad aatardaj rraoun tram ? to etliek.
Fivt per cant Interest paid en Deposit Money loaned on PwmmI ool
Uural or Real Estate security.
f t IITClitL'.rwe. F CttKNKMAXX.Vkeltat'l. JH. BCFOSO. Casein
HarCTOB.:
r. L a tcBalL r. C lwkr, John crahanrfc. fill Mlten. B.P. UalL L. too,
K.W IUr.U i. M. Hufnril. Vol.
Jacfcaux A Udwi, utiHton.
I'M KMtMn Jalj I, ton, sns ercsOT tb natatert earner of Xitchcll LraeVs new MlUta
J. X. DIXON
Merchant Tailor
And Dealer in Men's Fine Woolens.
1706 Second Avenue.
JOHN GIPSON,
TOTt FIRST-CLASS
HORSE SHOER
S krtVcd ta ai tmm 19,
At 324 Seventeeath Street.
Uauiaeesaanrelalir. . . Oeenslai as OM ananl
Rock Island Brass Foundry
MD MCHITECK3U CCl OKI.
A:' k.d at anas. Nwie. sea ehwne weees eartlec. n akataa aad leaiem Mat
a shot ieit BMtal aauam aea erueUt vaca.
'i Owm-AI Ml I II arena., a rem laaolac. cc KLA,1-
J. MAGER, Proprietor
BUSINESS COLLEGE.
TWtimMaaitoattMSckarftowlM ef rjn ttta4w
aalag UMtr Wk4aMa,
112 .ml iU K-i Wnd DAVRNP0B1 IOWA.
8EIVEB3 6 AUDEECOUt
CONTRACTORS end BUILDERS.
AH State o CrpBta7ofiDoat
. T k imuL ma. I RftWSF.R TS T.ATT. UP
A aiMCAL BOOK weria
Eavcfep.
I iVr Until at DiM
BOe. Trial Fhto mm by mmXL
LritonfceMrtMKMktt
no 1? tr plipUruuis eab
WDPCI NMW 00.
- fcalaaai tmMUk.
HE MAKES THE MOST OF AN AILMENT
COMMON TO ALL,
Mrs. anjaei'a Patience la Tmnm ta Km
ttaMet mm the Daetnr la Callea la. hat
After a Week ef TorriMa SeOarlne; Baw
ICoprrlRht, 183. by Charles & Lewis.
When Mr. Bourn walL-xl ntA tko
the other errnlDR, Mm Bowser knew that
rone calumny bod occurred or waa ached
nled to occur at an rarlr ilitto n flemm
was all hnmped orer, hi legs Ang&ug as
lie moved, and on his face was a look of
deaolation and despair.
Mr. Bowser, what on earth has hap
pened?" he exclaimed as she met him at
the Hitting room door.
"I I'm laid npf hp Rasped In replr.
"Laid up! Have 70a been ran over or
hang off the car?"
S-no. It's on l):e buck of my neck!"
Mrs. Bowser is a very practical woman
and never loses bir head. She got him
seated in a chair and had hi collar and tin
off Inside of 30 seconds. She found a red,
hard swelling and asked:
"Ho yon mean this spot here?"
"Yes! I could hardly get hornet Ianp
poce it's blood poisoning!"
"It's nothing but a boil. Mr. Bowser!
Why, I thought from the way yon acted
thut yon"
Nothing but a boiir he moaned. "Noth
ing but something which will canse me the
most intense suffering for several weeks
and then result in my death!"
""It mty be a little painful," she sooth
Ififcly observed, "but it needn't lay yon np
at alL Don't V011 nmpmU4i rtion T lkfi1
that felon on my flngerf"
"1 d rather have 40 felons than this boil!
1. me lie down before I faint away!"
Mrs. Bowser helped him over to the
lounge and got his coat, vest and shoes off,
and thnfc Term th Umnnihif L. ..11
- ngtHuiupi ui n nii;& uu
of business for her. It wasn't a large, gen-
icuiurtiuiii-ii uuit, omit on tue man
sard roof .and dormer wiudow style. On
the contrary, it was a one story allair cov
ering a small extent of territory -just such
boil as a 6-year-old boy likes to have on
hand and rub against the fence when an
other boy is proudly showing .off a
stubbed toe or a sore finger. Mr. Bowser,
however, bad the idea that it waa as large
as a dishnan and as painful as a broken
leg, and Mrs. Bowser thought it wiser not
to undeceive hiia.
That evening he had to have toast and
jelly and wine and a poached egg. and
when Mrs. Bowser got his socks oil and
nililxd his feet with alcohol he feelingly re
marked that if the calamity bad to come it
w better that he should be the victim, as
he could stand the pain aomuch b?eterthan
she coald. Before going to bed Mrs. Bow
ser bad used at his suggestion camphor,
arnica, whiaky, bay rum, hot water, chloro-
TBITTD t.V TOE DOCTOD.
firm liniment and two or three patent pain
killers. After getting to bed he suggested
brandy, witcbbazel and a flaxseed poultice,
and he turned over to go to sleep with the
remark:
"Some husbands suffering what I do
wouldn't earc how much trouble they made,
but I don't want anyone to put themselves
out for me!"
Next clay Mr. Bowser had a stiff neck, a
might lie expected. As a consequence Mrs.
Bowser bad to he lp dress him uud put on
his socks and shops. As a further con
sequence he insistvrt on lying ou the lounge
anil mooting and groaning a large share of
the time. Mrs. Bowser assured him over
and over again tbr.t she knew all about
boils and how to bring them to a bead, but
he could not rest easy until n doctor bad
been called in. The doctor professionally
assured him:
First Tbnt it was a boil.
Second That it was a small boil.
Third That flax seed would bring It to a
head.
Fourth That it would burst in due time.
Fifth That a one story boil on the neck
was never known to break loose and tear
the human system np by the roota.
Mr. Bowser felt in better spirits after
that nt least fcr 10 minutes. Then be sud
denly exclaimed:
"Great binds, but suppose we have a con
flagration in this town while I am in this
helpless and suffering condition!"
Airs. Bowser reassured him on this and
several other points and watched that flax
seed poultice with all the solicitude be
could desire. He looked over the morning
paper and fatted to And an item beaded:
"Terrible Calamity! An Eminent Citizen
Confined to His llouhe With a Boil!" He
was going to declare that he would stop
his paper and add that the so called enter
prise of reporters was all a sham and a de
lusion, when Airs. Bowser checked him
with:
"You see, dear, they were probably afraid
of its influence on the stock market, and it
was very wise in them not to say anything
to unsettle business."
For five days Mr. Bowser aighed and
moaned and groaned and talked uf boils, and
for five days Mrs. Bowser extended a wifely
solace and sympathy. On three'dUIerent
occasions, when cheeky peddlers rang the
front doorbell, she returned to Mr. Bowser
to any that she thought it best not to admit
any reporters until be was stronger. Sev
eral of the neighbors called, but she posted
them in the ball, and they didu't hurt Mr.
Bowser's feelings by declaring that they
bad rather have five bo Us than one soft
com. On the morning of tbe sixth day Mr.
bowser waa oat of bed before her. She
asked after tbe boil, and he tamed oa her
with:
"Boil! boil! Mrs. Bowser, now that tbe
crisis has passed, I will say to yon that the
carbuncle which threatened my life burst
during tbe night, aad tbe danger no longer
exiata. Knowing what a nervous, bel picas
cratT you are, I didn't any much abont
It. la fact, 1 led you to believe that notit-
hur whatever ailed me except a touch of
lasiieaanani aad taereoy avotaed any
jetk around the boose. It was a
fat providence that sent the awfol
vhould now be a widower!
I jo down to breakfast." pie of persuaders leveled on him, and he I
go down to breakfast."
And as be left tbe bouse for the office be
halted a moment on the step to say:
Most think of K! ' Yon would have been
lead and buried by this time, while not a
trace of my awful sufferings and narrow
escape can be seen!"
CRUSHING ABRAHAM.
aa Occasion Showing the Superiority of
Klad Over Matter.
I sat on the seat with tbe cosred man
Who drove me down to tbe railiTad depot
with a sbacklety old wagon, and as we left
the hotel he snid:
"Boss, if yo' kin dun say ober a few big
words on de way down, de ole man will be
stremely disobleeged to yo'."
How big words do you want?"
Can't git 'em too big, bom. Fee a pow
erful hand to 'member big words an git
'em off when a calamitous occasion pre
dominates." 'Do yon expect to find nsc for some of
them this morning?"
"Reckon I does, sah. My son Abraham
Works down to de depnt, an whenever I
Stuns around be tries to show off ober me
ABRAHAM'S EVES ntTKG OCT.
an ranke me feci small. He'll try it on d:s
mawnin fur suah, an I jest want to lie dun
fixed to paralyze his desirability. Spit 'em
right out, boss, an de ole man won't forpit
yo' when de watermillyun seznn cums
ag'in."
We bad about half a mile to go, and be
fore we reachei the depot I gave bim a
large and choice assortment of Welister's
longest. When wedrewupat the phitform,
Abraham wastherc, and also a dor.cn white
people who were to go out on thcYnxin. It
was a good opportunity for tbe son to show
off, and he realized it and came forward
and waved bis arm and shouted:
"Yo' dnr, ole man, hain't I dun tolcd yo'
''bout 400 times not to sagaciatc dat stupen
dous ole vehicle in ce way of de omnibus?
Sum ole niggers doan seem to bev no' mo'
idcak of dc couaanguiuity of rectitude don
asqnash."
"Wasyo spokin to me, sah?" stiffly de
manded tbe father as be stood up and glared
at Abraham.
tf co se I was."
"Den, sah. I want yo' to distinctly under
stand dat when dc co-opernshnn of de im
perialism seems to assimilate a disreputable
infringement of hereditary avanciousness
1 shall retract my individuality, but not
befo' not befo', sab!"
Abraham's eyes bung out, his complexion
became ash color, and his knees bent under
him as if tbe springs were about to give
wav. It was a long minute before be could
Utter a sound, and then be reached for my
trunk, with tbe muttered observation:
"Befo' de Iawd, but things am gittin so
mixed up dat I cau't dun tell whedder I'm
bis son or bis ladder!"
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Few Facts Showing- l'p Colonel Smiley
la Ufa Trae Light.
KoT A MtsTERT. A local correspondent
of an eastern paper has been telegraphing
large chunks of news regarding what he is
pleased to term the mysterious disappear
ance of Colonel Smiley. lie says the colo
nel, who was a resident of tbe town for two
years, suddenly vanished off the face of the
earth, leaving not a footprint behind, and
he hints at foul play. We fail to see any
mystery about it. The facts in the case are
very brief. Colonel Smiley came to this
town to open a bank. When be discovered
that our ways of banking differed from
eastern ways, and that failure was followed
by a banging, he concluded not to go iuto
banking. He fooled around for a spell and
then originated "The Great Territorial
Town and Farm Syndicate." He wanted
to provide every critter in the United States
with a town lot or a 40 acre farm for the
trifling sum of !.
We hadn't any particular objections until
we made a personal investigation and dis
covered that be was the syndicate, and that
his assets consisted of about 75 cents worth
BE WAS TOO LATE,
of office furniture and a mountain of solid
granite belonging to tbe United States.
We had something to say about it in The
Kicked, and the colonel sued as for libel,
laying damages at $100,000. We made a
around invest igation and fult it our duty to
state that his office furniture wasn't worth
over half a dollar. He sued us again, lay
ing damages at CT5,OU0. Three weks ago
a Chinaman came over here from Presoott
to find tbe town lot he had bought of
Colonel Smiley for 4
Tbe colonel dodged the poor heathen for
a couple of days, and be finally came to us.
On general principles we don't like the chap
from the Celestial Empire, but in this eat
we felt it but just to explain to him that
he had been washed, ironed and done up.
Tbe colonel began a third suit, putting tbe
figures at I25,UX). Two weeks ago adeat
ana damn man dropped in on us to find
where his 40 acre farm was situated. We
aould only point to the mountain of gran
ite, but he tumbled. The colonel instituted
another suit, but it was only for tOO.OUO this
One day last week we went np to Colonel
Saailey's office to ace if be had increased hi
aasata. Aa we entered the door ha at
'ft ad to draw on as. but be was too lata.
1 , I Ir7tr
ple of persuaders leveled on bim, and he
caved. We aat down and had a little talk
with the colonel and found that be had
been laboring under a great mistake two
of 'em. In the first place, he felt it his
duty as a patriot to bring tbe population of
this territory np to tbe point where she
would be taken into the Union as a state,
and his plan was to offer real estate at bed
rock prices. In fact, be was offering bed
rock itself. In the second place, he was a
cuss who never fully appreciated the power
of the press. His idea waa that when an
editor got cantankerous he could be bought
np f 01 about (2.50 or scared out of his boots
by a libel suit. He was hugging the fond
delusion that onr hair was standing' on end,
and that we were waiting for a dark night
to skip the county. It was almost painful
to witness his awakening to the true facts
in tbe case. He bad been here two years
without even knowing that we had a pri
vate graveyard with 11 mounds in it! He
bad passed tbe spot two or three times and
seen us at work cutting tbe grass and
training tbe vines, but supposed it was a
field in which we planted such dead half
breeds as got drunk and froze to death on
the streets in tbe winter!
We had something to say to Colonel
Smiley about his assets, and that stone
mountain, and his libel suits, and we found
that he was quite anxious to agree with us.
We suggested a change of climate and fixed
the date of bis departure at 8 o'clock in tbe
evening, and be favored the change and
thought he could get ready by 7. We
don't know tbe exact minute of bis going,
bnt we are sure be went. For reasons of
hisxwa he didn't go round bidding tbe
public goodby, and he probably stepped
very high and very softly as he went down
the alleys. While it is true that Colonel
Smiley seems to have vanished off the face
of the earth, there is no particular mystery
about it. He bos simply vanished from one
spot to appear in another. Xo one blew
him np with a bomb or enticed bim to a
lonely spot and cracked his skull. We can't
say that he was in the best of spirits when
we last saw bim, bnt bis general health was
never better, and if nothing interfered be
walked at least 30 miles that night. We
have no objections against correspondents
of eastern papers making as long a "string"
as they can, but in case of sudden and mys
terious disappearances in the future it will
be as well for them to call around at The
KlCKEU office and get the inside facts. It
can be depended on that we are always
more or less mixed up with such cases.
A WISE INDIAN.
Xa Woodland Bride For Him After What
He Heard.
There was a gurgling, chuckling, cac
kling noise from tbe thicket in front such
a sound as yon have beard issue from the
lips of a traveling root and herb doctor as
he got the crowd warmed nn to pay a dol
lar a bottle for bis blood medicine.
The maiden started. She did not start
for home, hut just gave a little jump.
"Ugh! Waugh! Whoop!" came from tbe
thicket, accompanied by demouioc chuckles
of the most fiendish description.
- The maiden was about to start some
more, but before she could do so an Indian
chief broke cover and stood before her with
a ferocious expression playing over bis
countenance.
"Wbite Wolf, I know yon!" exclaimed
tbe maiden, trying bard to repress tbe emo
tion which thrilled her.
"Yes, the white maiden knows me!" be
chuckled, "and knowing me she realizes
her fate!"
"You will bear me away to yoar wig
wam?" "I wilt!"
"And oblige me to wed you?"
"I am one of tbe obliging kind!" he grim
ly replied.
"Have yoa no pity?" she asked as she
looked into bis gleaming eyes.
"Xone whatever!"
"Then I suppose I must go with you and
be your woodland bride, but I shall insist
on taking this along to hang on the wall of
our cute little wigwam."
"To what does the white maiden refer?"
asked White Wolf.
"To this half finished painting," she re
plied. "I came out from the city to paint
a few landscapes. Here is one which I
started two days ago. I think it just the
cutest, sweetest, nicest little gem ever
turned out by my hand. Observe that cow
in the foreground! See how natural the
waters of the brook glide along! You can
fairly see the leaves"
"Waugh!" shrieked White Wolf. "And
must this go with you?"
"It positively must. I'll finish it up some
day, and you can make a rustic frame for
it, and we'll baug it"
"Never!" he interrupted. "I'd just as
soon think of abducting a white maiden
who bad taken 24 lessons at a cooking
school! Young woman, farewell!"
"Are you going?"
"I am."
"And won't you bear me away to your
cute little wigwam beyond the blue moun
tains?" -
"Xo! Xever! Heap big Injun! Injun know
everything! Injun make no mistake on
white maiden who paints a cow's hind legs
under her shoulders!"
"I think you are just as mean as ever you
can be!" pouted the wbite maiden as she
painted another wbite spot on the neck of
tbe cow. But be dashed into the thicket
and rushed on and on, to be seen never
again. M. Quad.
Ib Black aad White. .
As I was going down the street I saw t wo
bootblacks. One was a black bootblack
and tbe other a white bootblack, and both
had black boots, as well as blacking and
blacking brushes. The black bootblack
asked tbe white bootblack to black his, tbe
black bootblack's, black boot with black
big. The white bootblack consented to black
tbe black boots of the black bootblack with
blacking, but when be, the white boot
black, had blacked one black boot of the
black bootblack with blacking, be, the
wbite bootblack, refused to black his, the
black bootblack's, other black boot with
blacking unless be, the black boot black,
paid him, the wl 'te bootblack, tbe same as
what be, the wbite bootblack, got for
blackiug other people's black boots, where
upon the black bootblack grew still blacker
in the face, called the white bootblack a
blackguard, at the same time bitting the
white bootblack with the black boot that
he, the white bootblack, bad already
blacked with blacking. Exchange.
What He Enjoyed.
"Do you enjoy holidays?" said Johnny's
uncle.
"Yes. air."
"What do yon enjoy most about them?"
"Beta able to stay home from school wita
out hem sick." Washington Star.
- AUtUeDcar. '
Clara Ua girls are getting np a
eociety. -Gaorge
What's the object?
What is
vGastoria is Dr. Sarancl Pitcher's prescription for In&nta
aad CbiMrcn. It contains neither Opium, Morpliino no
other Narcotic substance. It is a liarnilcss gubstitato
for Paregoric, Drops, Soothing Syrnp,and Castor OIL
It ia Pleasant, Its gnarantcs it thirty years nse by
3Iillioss of Mothers. C.istnria destroys Worms and allaya
feverishness. Castoria prevents vomitin Soar Card, .
cares Diarrhoea end Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
tccthins troubles, cures constipation and flatulency
Castoria assimilates tho food, regulates the stonuteh
and bowcis, giving healthy and natural sloop. Cas
toria Is the Children Panacea the Mother's Friend,
Castoria.
"Castor! Is an excellent Eiediclne fee cb3
drea. li others hare repeatedly told me of its
good effect upon tbeir cliildreB."
Da. G. C. Osoo-m,
Lowell, Uaas.
"Castoria k the best remedy for children of
' Which I tm acquainted, I hope the Liy ia sot
far distant when nioCiers will consider the rail
iDtcrrst of ihrir children, aad us Castoria in
stead or the TKriousqaack nostrums which an
destroying tfciir loved ones, by forcing opiv.m,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby """'i";
them to premature graves."
Da. J. F. Kqtcbxmw,
Conway, Ark.
Tha Ccataar Company, TT SXarray Street, Hew York City.
. " m:w
DIRT DEFIES THE
APOLIO
IS GREATER THAN ROYALTY ITSELF.
BALD
nat is i::e condition of yours? Is yovr hair dry,
harsh, brittle? Docs it split at the ends? lias it a
lifeless appearance? Does it fall cut when combed or
brushed ? is it fu!l of dandruff ? Does your scalp itch ?
Is it dry or in a heated condition ? If these are some of
y cur symptoms be warned in time oryou will become bald.
SkookumRootHair Grower
Is whatyoo rwl Its rfodnctlon i nntaa accident. Irat the reunite? aJeallfte '
research. Knowledge o it. p d of the hair and vain led an tiliav-
eirorfcowtotrwtiiem.
ITiUlau, U etui jaU& Aair. cure, amiruf a4 groK Antra tad
tVKero th Mlo clean, hciithy. ana free from Irritating eia 4I is ty
y?f ' .of lt:jwi!n Oistto v ttrautt tMoten, lout Sanf i
una cctmp the hair, t
U your unitTKi t caaant rrlT yvm tnxi dlraet tn nm. sua we mSt forward ,
frV. "2. i
ler jr:6i:wrUU.
THE SK00KUTI
7 Benin
THE NEW
City 'Bus and Express Line.
Telephone Rock Island or Harper Hotels for 'bus or express
wagon and yon will receive prompt attention,
TIMBERLASE & BPEnCSH, Prop.
DAVIS CO.
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Stpam Fitting,
SANITARY PLU1IBIUG.
A complete line of Fipe, Brass Goods, PacUssCc,
Fix Back Stc. Largest and back atjd3
establishment west of Chicago.
DA Via uuuu& atolins, 111 1 112. 114 7est Crrtsttc tS,
TatopkoM 8O0S.
Real Jnos
B. P: DeQKATV
Contractor and. Builder.
Office and Shop 228 Eighteenth Street
Castoria.
" Cfttoria t so well adapted to chH.il uutat
I rceosunentl K as superior toany pnaarJpOaa
knoxa to tue."
TI. A. Aacan,SL D
Hi Sx Oxford St., Brooklya. X. t
Our physidars ia tbe children's 1
inent hare apokea higbly at their
ence in their outside practice with
cud clthculi we only ham amorg acr
rcd.cai supplies what is knows as lesular
products, yet we are free to confess that tha
merits of C&aoria has won as to look Hfe
favor upon it."
Csirsa Hospital sd 1
Aurw C Sxrra, Pre.,
KING." THEN
HEADS!
.srootom ontstns neitlwe miveratt)arolla. it 1
viwti, t-J Oilnifl ; lor Si W. luail.lWJ
-
ROOT HAIR GROWER CO,
tun JLTence, new a ark. K. T.
HOPPE.
THE TAILOR,
1803 Second Awemus
Tatephoma I14
Talaohosa USS
t-
it
s
-'.a
tea to ana kMtojal ej yaa. Ma. eW r I
tmU aiasaa we badaeoo-
Claradoa't -w bat V fa

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