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THE ARGUS, SATURDAY, JANUARY , 1894. 4 ZOA-PHORA, mMit ClftLte rlale,lerftt. Stwluemn at aad thai prrrenu lilfc-loac weakness, Retrains ami etaes Orrrtrrkril n men, Rxhannua Mothm, aad pieveata prolapsa. Cam rnlpitnUmi. Slerple MMM, IKnom hrmkiag itwn (oft -v. preventing Insanity), providing a ? Chnnne of Life, sad a bete and N harpy M ace. Krsdrr, saffrrlef frma aay rmnrimat lrvMr to the female trt. EO A-TOOK A I worth evprrtMsl In Jna. Xrl"-rt (n advlra, marked "Cnarahiag Priartawat." are era by wir fcliylin nnlT HM-IHURA in, n.li.COHAX.Ppr jr, Kalamazoo, Xirb. THE FALL OF BOWSER HE STRIKES A TACK AND COMES DOWN STAIRS WITH A CRASH. "OlSftfSS WW Sustain Home Industry BY -4 ' Ualling for Book Island Brewing Co., Beer. The Best Beer Made, On Tap everywhere. TRY IT. The Rock Island Brewing Company, success ors to George Wagner's Atlantic Brewery, I. Huber's City Brewery and Raible & Stengel's Rock Isbnd Brewery, as well as Julius Junge's Bottling Works, his one of the most complete Brewing establishments including Bottling de partment in the country. The product is the very best. Beer is bottled at the brewery and delivered to any part of the tri-cities, and may be ordered direct from the head offices on Mo line avenue by Telephone. It la Eaay Baaogfc la Pat Dmfa a gtalr Carpet If mm Only Em Bow.nd Bow Hf Thlaks B. Dot-Xtmra for a Fi nal Separation. ' (Cois rig-ht. 1801. by Charles B. Lewis.) "AYhat's tblfer" uked Sir. Bowser as lie entered the sitting mom after the evening mrni ana louna a bundle m bis favorite ehair. "That . Ohv ftotl mt ensa." replied 1. Mr. IIowmt aa she removed it. ".More towels for the kitchen, eh? Bow many thousand roller towels does that girl .-n away with in the course of the Tear?" Its cmxh for the stairs. The carpet is petting a bit worn In the middle, and I ' want to save it. The carpet man aaid he'd come up and pat it down this evening, bat lie was probably too mist." In other words, be hcd growled Mr. Bowser. I never knew a carpet man vet who wouldn't lie rather than tell the troth. What was your object in paying him & ur 18 to put that thing down?" Six or tot hy, be will only charge SO cents!' "Well, have we any SO cent pieces to throw away? Mrs. Dowser, let me call your attention to the fact that this country La keen on the verge of bankruptcy fort bo last six months." "Well, we can save SO cents In crash and wear out $10 worth of carpet," she an swered as she noticed that ho was stnok- tug his usual brand of cigars two for Si certs. "We will save the ".0 cents and wear out nothing. 1 shall put down the crash my self. I was jnst wishing there was some little job around the bouse I could do." "Do y.u think think you could make a good job of it?" she bcsitnl ingly asked. "And why not. Airs. llow" "Well, you know you get out of patience if t hings don't go just riplit, and it always ends in your blaming nie." "Never got out of pnt'ttice in nil my life. Never blamed yon in all my born days. I'll hnve that crash down inside of 13 minutes. nml it will be as neat a job as you ever saw dune. AH 1 ask of you is to remain right here and not do auy Itossiug." Mr. IJowscr cot hammer and tucks, tin folded the crash on the sLairscnd removed his coiit and vest. He had just kesun work when Mrs. Bowser came to the foot of iie stnirx and queried: "Iio you expect to pet that down straight without a measure or guide to go by?" "IVrhnps yon have written a book en titled "What 1 Kuow About Crush," re plied Mr. Bowser as he hammered away. "You won't get it straight without a measure." Mr. Bowser whistled and hummed to Mmw his indifference, mid he was looking l the Lend et a tack with one eye and had r: ixcoKPouATCD cxnr.u ra stats law. . Rock Island Savings Bank, Kuck Islaxb, III. Opa 'if fen t a. at. to a a. Mk, and Hetanlay evrrisn- fcon T to .'clock. rive per cent Interest paid on Depnslta. Money loaned on Personal col lateral trr Real Estate security omcav: . L. ItlTClltlA, TTrS t. F C. DESKM.YN J, VU' Praat. J. a BVFOUD, Cashlei oiazcrnns: r. L. Mitchell, r. C. Ir.ifaiin. J.ih rahoreh. PM1 Mltrkrll, II. P. Uull, t Blmoa, . W llnr-t. J. M. Hiifunl, Joaa Vols. jAtkMlK A, Uuar. SulHTftoTa. Saa bketnan July I, l-lu, erru th tonthraet eorccrof Vitebcll LradCa aew kaildiai J. T. DIXON HE11GHANT T41T,OB And .Dealer in Men's Fine Woolens. 1706 Second Avenue. JOHN GTPSON, TIIE FIRST -CLASS K rm Ma'.ta ta kl su taoa. At 324 Seventeenth Street. "Uaat (beet a asreutity. lb OK BUSINESS COLLEGE. Ts. Ibum-ixti lst srhm ?rrr l lhh .rWr-J 1 TrrtfctJ by amra ttaaa K0 dlOcrcot Penile sisf tbvir atwlcau, Hi and IU East Second Strict, DAVENPORT, IOWA. Roek Island Brass Foundry AID ACSHITECTORU 1803 COM. AP atasia af btava, Huns' wut shnslsssi bessa. castta. all thm&m aa4 Ira icre a iwriar at brae, awial iHMiera sad arttauc wota. iwit at brae, awial iHMiera sad arttauc wota. tmt Sb UrrMS-AI lull Pltet mm. bear tit au tllac BUCK ULAVD. J. UAOER, Proprietor: UETROPOlViTAM Ca. aieiHaaa att aw Kaasai tCSICMS. bsesaw.s Mtstsvertoa. aMCas aoaawiaa. m,m . ... . B b.H mtm aataMtrMns.ts.-b:- nai. St. bw rm fU nnt.Jm n mMl SMnavsamar m biwi an. on ania a)anisa a awuMtt r. an ausat c. ml respective lawyers will settle the question f alimony. Good night, designing woman! Thank' heaven, bat my eyes are open at lastl" - HE SAW A CYCLONE. A TtcUas Telto the fftory Haw It Caaba and Went. . When It was understood that the old man with his bead bandaged up and his face crisscrossed with stripsof court plaster had been a victim of the cyclone, we gath ered around to hear his story. "The first thing I heard. -e began as he looked around, "was a terr.e tnoanin and groanin." "That was the coming of tne cyclone. aaid one of the passengers. "Wall, no. I afterward found out that it was my old woman. She'd fell off n a chair and hurt her back. The next thing I took notice of was a rnshin sound, as if a thousand trains of cars was humpln alont;." "Thnt was the forerunner," aaid a second passenger. "No. it wasn't. I thought It was, but X was mistaken. It was only some niggers iallin off the roof of a shed. Then I heard Male s-v5jO "TO AT CTCLOXE STHCCK TIIE HorSE." v?b a shriek as 1 hope never to hear agin If I live to be a thousand years old. It jest made my flesh crawl." "That was the exultant voice of the de- sion of the storm," said a young woman A-ith evcclnssrs and a poeticnl look.. "Xo. ma'am, it wasn't," replied the old man. "I thought it was, but it turned out 1o lie my darter Sal. She, was elosliin around harvfut and trod on a fishbone. I was tellin her that I was glad on it when t hat cvclone struck the house with a roar like thnt of a millvon wounded lions." "And it was nicked up like an autumn leaf," said a fat mau with bide whiskers as he crowded closer. "Xo, sir. No, the house is right there. same as ever." "But it was unroofed?" "Xo, the roof is all right. When that cvclone tack led niy house, Bbe bit off more'n she could chaw nnd bnd to let go. She jest dodged to the left with a roar like a biilyon titers nil roarin at once and struck into my orcuard." Aud devastated everything in its patb of course," remarked a tall young man with a Koman nose and two watch chains. "Wall, no.' She devasted one peach tree which I was goiu to cut down that same day, but the rest of 'cm refused to be dev ested. Then with a scream like thou sands of schoolma'ams acreamin in chorus she' "See here, old man," interrupted the con ductor, "did that cyclone sweep away any of your projierty?-' "Xot a doggoned sweep!" "Aud how did you get hurt?" "My blamed old mewl run away with me next day aud pitched me inter the bushes." "Then what are you talking about? ' "'Bout the cyclouc of course. These cre folks never seen one, and though I hain't much of a hand to talk I'm willin to tell 'em nil I kiu 'liout the screams of fury mad shrieks of despair appallin devasta tion wreck and desola.shun aud two of my niggers losin their hats and one of my corucril'S bciu uuroofed. Arter breakiu down that peach tree shegotupand howled likcmillyonsof wolves u-howlin iu chorus, and theu" But that was the end. The crowd melted away like soft snow and left the old man alone, and after borrowiug a chew of to bacco of the man on the seat in front he leaned over nainst the wiudaw and fell into a peaceful sleep. THE ARIZONA KICKER. at Viter the town graveyard, and when we xsSk the father up there to see tt we noticed that some patent medicine man had erected a headboard for the sake of ad vertising his cure all. When we informed the father of lie way his son John met his fate, he promptly acquitted the marshal of all blame. He furthcrexpUiinedtbat John had set out for the far west to become a bad man, and that what he lacked in sand he made up in whooping and cracking his heels together. Mr. Wyman not only took a sensible view of the mat ter at every turn. but his words expressed his relief and grat itude that .his son was not hung instead ol beine shot. Indeed he was so n leased with our people ami their way of doing business that before going home he purchased two vacant lots oa. Apache avenue and will re- I turn here in the spring to become a perma- I nent resident. As the head of the local government, as well as the editor and pro- I pnetor of a great family newspaper, we take great pleasure in assisting the rela tives of a late deceased to secure all possi ble particulars of bis taking off, and in the future as in the past shall hold ourselves in readiness to do whatever con be done in any and every case. Living relatives who may wish to consult us after 11 o'clock at night will nlease riu? t-.; umier bell aud announce their names liefore the door is I opened. We have It ad to adopt, this pre caution to guard against would be assassins. Asotheh Case I Point. On two or three diQerens occasions The KtCEER has felt called upon to warn tourists from the 1 east that the people of this town had their idioms and stuck to them like a ton of porous plasters. When we were in Chi cago a year ago, a man took our $50 over coat and left a (5 one in excliauge. We recognized it as one of the idioms of the town aud raised no row. . When we were in St. lxmis last summer, some one took 27 out of our hiud pocket. Idiom again, and wc telegraphed home for more. The idioms of our people are ierhaps maui- lesteU in a game of poker more than inany- tliiug cle. The game is played here in all its original luxurionsiiess that is, each player is ent itled to lay two cuns on the ta ble before the cards are dealt. The guns may be loaded or not, but empty guns arc not much of a bluff out tins way. In the east t liree aces beat three kings in a game I of poker. In this community they some tiuies do nnd sometimes don't according to how you have sized np the other feller. la the east they never have over four aces in a park of cards. Here we often find six. v e fully explained all these things to i stranger nnnitd Parker, who arrived here the other dav to see if the climate would help his astuma, but he went right over to the Wild Horse saloon, sat down to a game of poker with oid Tom Srott aud tried to rake iu the pot under the lielief that threes beat two iiairs. That would be the case in some localities, but it is not here. Mr. Scott had to t-baot Mr. Parker ia the shoul der before he would lie convinced, and we think he leit town feeling that he had somehow been injured in both miud and body. If Mr. Parker had had two six shooters on the table, then his threes would have knocked two pairs silly, but he didn't have t hem. We offered to lend him one a9 he left the office, but he refused the loan. end thereby lost $50 in cash and got in the way of a bullet. One is no longer 0011514 to drink with a stranger or fight in this town, but we hnve lots of other little cus toms and legends and idioms which fly up and hit the head when trodden on. A Gentleman tfhow Drink Was Cold Plsen Is frotnptly Laid Away. A GnATtri'L Max. Ou Saturday of last week we had a call from a stranger named Wyman of Iowa, whose object iu visiting this locality was to get news of his sou John, who had not been heard of for some months. As soon as he gave us a iersoual description of his long lost sou we remem bered him a lop shouldered chap, lame in the loft leg. cross eyed and his bat on his ear; would have lnxn a red treaded man but for the grass- aud burs in his hair; had two guns and a voice like a lost mule. Many of our citizens will remember that nowssn ovrnrtALANCEp. the other cn Mrs. llowwr whtu the hr.m- mer struck his thumb, mid he uttered a yell which mat! 3 the rook in the kitchen drop the teakettle lie alxo sprung up and kicked the top stair three times as bard as he could swing hi leg. "1 knew how ii would tie. The carpet man would have put thnt down" , lbc carpet man l tiangetl: limn t I tell you to go away? 1 ou are hanging around here cxprrting to see me knock my nose off. but you'll lie disappointed. You either got iuto the sitting room or I give up this job! When I can't rmnagc to tack a piece of blamed old crash over a blamed old stair carpet. I ll go off and bury myself." "Well, please get it straight, because ev ery bit of it will show from the frontdoor." "Straight! Am I a squint eyed China man or a purblind Kskimo? If 3 ou start it straitrht, it's bound to come out straight. There may be a bald sot ou top of my bead, Mrs. Itowser. but there is nothing baldheaded about my etesigut." Siie went away, and be bad reached the middle stair, wiien she returned to take an other look. One glance wasenouuli. "Mr. iSowavr, you've got that down crooked. You've pulled it way over to the left as yira came down. I knew you'd do it, without a guide." "llev? You Iwck again? Where ia it pulled to the left?" "It beg:us on tbo second stair from the top." "Xever! If that isn t a bee line, I II eat dough for a week." "Hut measure it with the hnndlc of your hammer. It's an inch more to the left than to the right." Mr. Uowfccr measured. It was at Icastan inch and a half. He couldn't deny it, for Mrs. llowser wasat the Ixittom of the stairs ready to come up. Iiedid the bestthingho could do under the circumstances, or he started out to do it. "It'astruightcrthan the ntraightest line ever drawn by mortal hand!" be shouted. "TALi rr; ?? z .rrr m" cold -"" "' """"'-" "". . . i.i.j..n(i,rfin..m;i He bad his back to ber. He seized the j - w s....- 1. - 1 1. .i .v.i it fT ,i. galloping into tuia vowu on a cayuse wuicn step above him and was movingou the next ! k"" am-ung and limped in all four cbM bis left knee struck a tack waitiuir tor M""-- - " - 1 job. The sudden pain and surprise over- i balanced bim. and Mrs. itowser suddenly i aw sometuiuKcomiuKdownstuirs. It was , Mr. Bowser. He never missed a step. It ' What -riaraiTi:piTiTiTiniV imr" ir rVN-ri" "SX 1 , nril. j Castorl is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infitnts and Cbildren. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Karcotlc substance It isa harmless substitate for Paregoric Drops, Soothing Syrups, and Castor Oil. It Is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years use by Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays feverishness. Caetoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd, enres Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves " teething troubles, cures constipation and. flatulency, Castoria assimilates tbo food, regulates the stomach and .bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas . toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend. Castoria. " Castoria Is an excellent niedlctne for chil dren. Hotfeers have repeatedly told me of its good effect upon their children." Da. u. c H-moooo, Lowell, Ibus. Castoria Is the best remedy for children of which I am acquainted. I hope the day is not far distant when mothers will consider the real Interest of their children, and use Castoria in stead of the raricus quack nostrums which are destroyinc their loved ones, by forcins opium. morrbine, soothing syrup and other hurtful agents down their throats, thereby sending jtbem to premature cr." L'B. J. F . AJ3CBXV, Conway, ark. Castoria. " Castoria is so veil adapted to chOdren that I recommend it as superior to any pieauipUaa known to me." TX. A. Attcmra, X. D, Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, If. T. " Our physiciara fn the children! depati tnent have spoken highly of their experi ence la their outside practice vriia Castoria, and althcucb. we only have amoeg ur medical supplies what is knowa a tender products, yet we are free to confess that tba merits if Castoria has won us to look wllk favor iron it." Ukito Bospxtal asi DrsnsnABi, Bostua, 1 Auts C. Smth. fret.. The Caotaor Ctaipiuy, 17 M array- S treat, Vear Tork City. A HANDFUL OF DIRT MAY BE A HOUSE FUL OF SHAME." CLEAN HOUSE WITH An American Fable. A traveler over a certain highway was ctoppud by a robber, who made the usual demand, accompanied by the usual horse pistol. The traveler shelled out every dol lar he had with great promptness, but after he had done so be raised his voice in lam entation and cried: 'Alas! it needed onlvthis to undo me, and I am a ruined man!" 'You have given me only $50," replied the robber as be counted the cash. "Let me explaiu the case. I am in trou ble with my neighbor about a line fence. I was ou my way to see a lawyer and retain him to briuK suit. Having been robbed of my money, I shall not now be able to secure justice." 'ily dear man," said the robber as he spat over his riht shoulder for luck, "you should congratulate j ourself on t his fortu nate meeting. Had you liegun suit, your neighbor would have been compelled to de- feud it, hue the courts might have set tled the question in time, both far 111s mould long before have passed into the hands of the lawyers. It is true that you lost (M in cash, but at the same time you save a farm and the troubles and anxieties of a law suit. Again, the neighbor you are at war with happens to be my uucle, and bavin? saved his farm from the lawyers he will now lie quite willins to move that line fence inches aud thus settle the point iu dispute forever. Takeu all around '- bay no more: joyfully interrupted the traveler as he extended his baud. "I see how it is and appreciate your kindness and self sacrifice. You are not only welcome to my money, but shall have half of my buck wheat crop." Whenever you would go to law, try to meet a roblier somewhere. AL Ol'AU. What is the condition of yours? ts your hair dry, harsh, brittle ?xDoes it split at the ends? lias it aC liXeless appearance? Does it fail out when combed or Si brushed? is it fu!I of dandruff ? Does your scslp iich ? Is it rtrv or in a heated condition ? If these ere some of i your symptoms be warned ia time or you will become bald. SkoolomRootHair Grower reseiirx'h. Kurm-ietlire of the disease of the ii&ir AEt acalD led to tLe dlscor- i cry of tiowta treat tliem. kooktira "coutalna neii her Qiioeravlstfenroll?. It the faliMlc it sloj uUkm.g huir, cum damdrmjf mi grots hair em 6atd , heads. 1 . trr Keep the rm)n cui. hc!thT, twd free fmm Irrtttet tr'jrtkww- hy 1 tutd destroy the hair, Ii T'liurdn'rcI.'traaTir.tgnrTilTTOiif'rid tflrret tr tBfc Ett w wffl f'i iin . prepaid, m cs tptol fiue oruis cr, $ia) per uulUe ; 4 Xor ZjAJik, Soap, Sue . per jar; qwi --j. THE SKOOXUn ROOT HAIR GROWER CO- sBArrWARK S? ymik riftk Atnn. Km Tk. . T. f. nifrrmi - mn DAVIS CO. Heating and Ventilating Engineers, Gas and Steam Fitting, SANITARY PLUMBING. Had Practiced. Cardinal Richelieu once listened to au earnest sermon by a shoemaker. The mau was simple aud unaffected aud apparently not at all dismayed by the presence of the cardinal. "How could you preach to mo with so much confidence?" Kichclieu asked him iu evident surprise. "MouMirneUi, replied the shoemaker. "I learned my sermon by reciting it to a fit-Id of cabbage heads iu the midst of which was one red one. and this practice enabled me to breach to you." Youth's Companiou. Explained. Uits riul erly I passed by a candy store yesterdav, but didn't go in. lounir Tutter by, how was that? 1 didn't suppose you ever could pass a candy store wit bout going in. Aiiss I'lnkrrly Don t you remember f You were with me! Trnth. A complete line of Pipe, Braes Goods, Packing Hose, Fire Brick Etc. Largest and best equipped establishment west of Chicago. OAVIU tsiAJum. Atolire, HI Telephone 2063. 1 12. 1 14 West Seventeenth at. Telephone 1148. Residence Taleohone 1 109 IIWI B Bs THE TAILOR, 18C3 Second Arenuej reaching the critter rolled off his beast and stood on the i steps and waved bis arms and shouted: "I am a livin thunderbolt from Mount i San Francisco, which is 40,0uu feet h)L;tl and ..i.i... i i .i ;ii.. cduck iuh oi KDzr.iy u ars, rattlesnakes """ ...v... . j M.. f. ..i .i ..... KM rlrno srtor In first class lilav. TLTe i ""l""' J were eiht steps, and Mr. llowser uttered ud r drink cold piaea. W hen I roll my ciKht yells. As be brouht op at the hot- r, ,,(, 1?-" "BUU, np torn one of hU feet struck the ball tree and I -J" J. " " tirait.andtheotheracntachau-crabhingi W?0"".11" bUake8 A ,oa ..,i...t th. . .1., . " " uo won i tail " " A I 1. I l.lr mt liiml Wl l -U-. -Arm un hurt tr tlioiml MciWrd I - " """ Usl H the dust settled down. i critter wUl refuse to tell rue of a place whar Surprising. Brown Jones is an odd stick. His wife gave him a letter to mail the other day, aud what do you suppose be did with rtf feuuth I can t iiiiRwnne. Urown by, mailed it of course. Brooklyn I.ilc Mr. Bowser slowly cot np and limped into the aitUsg room and sat down. For 10 min utes he sat and glared at Mrs. bowser in a old and atony way and then finally acid: I kin sit buzzsaws, bowie knives, b'ars' claws and mewls hoofs for luncheon t" The city marshal would have taken the atranger in and cared for him, but he re- 1 - . a. , ,1 1 I - ' u- in l i n . 1...1. - i.- sisusu amas nuu nuiieu u kuds. j ue re- .iw.,.nn..i ...J.ni wm.f.t.t.l. acnniuiaee, iu which he was that o'clock train for your mother's. You can tvtvs the custody of the child, and our killed, with no one to blame but himself. Uia grave is the second one to the right as KxacUy. First Passenger I wonder why we are making such a long stop at this station? Second l'ayseuger (a traveler of experi ence) I presume it is because no one hap pens t be trying to catch the train. Tit- liitS. - I A rropositiaa. Professor Succi Tauna What will yon pay me to undertake a 40 day fast at your miiseum? Manuger Well, I'll pay your board while vou fcibt. Puck. SEIYESS & ANDEIS0N. CONTRACTORS and BUILDERS All Kinds ol Carpenter Work Done. ' . Qeaeral )obking dona oe short actica and ntiarsctloa goarantecd. OOhaa mm Kb Tgl Twalftli Str t, . ROCK If LAND B. F. DeGEAB, Contractor and Builder. Office and Shop 225 Eighteenth Street ROCK ISLAND, ILL. SBTAJl kinds of Ou pester work a sperialty. Flans sa4 eitiavitca foe all Idads of brfate it Iamltlw4 oa laylrn w. 'f.1 1