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Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, December 02, 1910, Image 4

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' Published Dally and Weekly at 1624
Eecond avenue Roclc Zslaad. I1L IEn
tered at the. postofflce aa second-class
TERMS. Dally, 10 cents per week.
Weekly. $1 per year In advance.
All communication of argumentative
character, political or religious, must
have real name attached for publica
tion. No such articles will be printed
over fictitious signatures.
Correspondence solicited from every
township la Rock Island county.
Friday, December 2, 1910.
Help Santa Claus take care of the
poor children at Christmas time. Do
It now. The Argus shows you the
The next house of representatives
will comprise 227 democrats,. 163 re
publicans and one socialist. The dem
ocrats will thus have a majority of 63.
Et tu Brutus! Pinchot has now
turned on Roosevelt. He declares
Teddy's straddle in the New York
state convention was the party's un
doing In that state.
The Pullman company has an
nounced to the interstate commerce
commission its compliance with the
commlfcsion's proposed reduction in
sleeping car berth rates. Certainly.
Had the Pullman company not been
willing it is doubtful if the new
schedule would have been thought
Some one estimates that the Amer
ican people annually consume 2.P95,
000 pounds of bad eggs. They are
bought and stored when cheap, and
after indefinite confinement are Fold as
"rots,"' "spots," and "leaks" to bakers
for use in pastries. The one way to
remedy the abuse and destroy the
lever that holds up the price of eggs
when production is heavy, is to limit
the time eggs may be kept in cold
Dix and l-'oss.
Governor Dix of New York proposes
to confine himself strictly to his con
stitutional function. He will have no
hand in the selection of a United
Statrs senator. That is the business
of the legislature. Governor Foss of
Massr.chussetts, on the contrary, pro
poses to take a hand in the selection
of a successor to Senator Lodge. There
is ono essential difference in the polit
ical iiuation in New York and Massa
chusetts. In New York the legisla
ture as well as the governor is demo
cratic. In Massachussetts the governor is a
democrat, but there is a republican
majority on the joint ballot in the leg
islature. The outcome of gubernator
ial generalship In the two states will
be noted with some curiosity.
Some Needed Reforms.
Rockford Star: Under the rules that
govern the lower house of the legis
lature It is quite impossible for that
body to legislate intelligently and hon
estly. The committees ate strongly
partisan and the chairman of each is
the v.-hole thing. If he desires to pre
vent a report on an important meas
ure he refuses to call the committee
In session. If it is desired to kill a
bill and dodge responsibility it is re
ported so late in the session it can
not be considered. Another weakness
is that legislation, as a rule, is so
Ill-considered and ill-digested that the
laws often contain errors enough to
nullify them. What is needed is a
bureau of imformation such as Wis
consi.i has.
.These and other reforms are suggest
ed oy Representative Hruby, a demo
crat, of Cook county. Mr. Hruby s sug
gestions are as follows:
That the democratic party Is opposed
to any alliance with the republican
party, or any of its members, unless
that alliance contemplates the elec-
- tion cf a democratic speaker.
That the house committees should
be organized along non-partisan lines
and that both parties be given repre
sentation upon all committees and
That the democratic party pledge
Itself to investigate the high cost of
government in the state and favor
legislation to reduce that cost and in
cldsnlally taxation.
Tb.U the house rules should be so
amended that all bills must be report
ed out of committee within a fixed
- time with a complete report as to their
disposition, to be signed and filed by
the chairman.
, That all bills, except appropriation
mils rnd emergency bills, be placed
upon the order of their passage and
that no bill 'be tglven preference over
the others.
That the house establish a bureau
of s information or legal department
where members may procure legal as
sistance in the correct preparation of
their hills.
That the house establish a reporting
service, by the means of which the
statements and speeches of members
tnay be recorded properly.
That an effcient stenographic ser
vice he established.
That the house, instead of meeting
two days in a week, and-thereby pro
longing the session for five months,
should meet five days a week and
complete the work in two months.
Lessons From a Bad Fire.
Yesterday's fire in the New Harper
,; which during its early progress threat
- ened to prove one of the most dis-
astrous in the city's history, empha
I 6lzed four things. One is that Rock
Island possesses, as has often been I
aid la The Argus since the inaugu-
ration of the paid department, one
of the best organized, moBt courag
eous and altogether one of the most
intelligent band of fire fighters in
the country.
Another is that the city has acted
none too soon in the installation of
an automatic fire alarm system, now
happily on the way. How the city
could have gone along for years
heedless of the danger of delay in
providing this essential seems past
comprehension. Fully 10 minutes
time was lost yesterday when the
fire was in its incipiency In seeking
to reach the fire department by tel
ephone. Once the alarm was com
municated the firemen were quick
to respond, and despite the circum
stances that It happened at the hour
of day when some of the men from
each station were at dinner, the men
did wonderful service.
Another thing that was demon
strated is the necessity of the or
dinance regarding the right of way
that should be given the fire depart
ment on the streets at all times.
Awkwardness on the part of a team
Eter caused a collision at Third ave
nue and Seventeenth street and held
up the Central station hook and lad
der truck 10 minutes. It was only
by the most expert driving that the
hose wagon from the same station
preceding the truck cleared the ob
stacle. Chief Newberry, himself a i
clever driver who was on the box j
of the truck in the absence at din-
Tier of the reeular driver, did his i
best to avoid the accident hut the
offending vehicle was driven directly
across in front of him. The conse
quence was delay and the loss to the
department of a valuable horse.
Another fact that was brought out
by thp fire is the need of a fire en
gine in the business district. Be it
said to the credit of Mayor Mc-
iCakrin this ia a provision that he
hinn urn-ori f rt t- como timo Vvor
j since the putting in of the last pump j
I at the waterworks, the force of t ri j
water supply has been woefully de
ficient. This may be attributable,
j Tartly to the mains, but whatever i
(the cause the stern fart oxists that!
j the city has not the water facilities!
'to cope with a fire in a high buildin
; The only ro'medy is a fire engine.
(That should be considered and witli-
out delay.
Iist of Her Race.
The passenger has passed.
solitary passenger pi'seon, endinpr Iter;
life at the zoological garden in Cin-j
cinna i. is toiay all that remains of an!
Amor can species that early in the last '
; century swaimed over the continent'
in fioks numbering billions. With the
daii of this pole survivor of a bird'
tribe, whose nesting pla.-.-os often cover
ed hundreds of spuare miles, there will
I soon disappear tho last trace of the
iv jld pjgeons that have been slaughter
ed by the millions by men who fed
tho'r hogs upon the carcasses they
; could not carry away. Though it is too
late to save the species, special efforts
are new being made by the Audubon
socio-.- workers to bring about the ro-
;siora..cn o
f fithpr Kirfitf 1 1 p rnn
, value that must otherwise share the
isame fate.
For many months systematic search
has oeen mrle throughout tho conti
nent !y officials of the Audubon asso-
Iciatioi for relics of the once profolic
ipasonper pigeon. Members of the
; orgA lization headed by Prof. C. V.
: Hodpre of Clark university have made
a sta viing offer of $1.5V to anyone
discovering a nest of th;s species; but,
;thougii ihcusands have been trying
eagerly for the prize, not one single
claimant has appeared. In response to'
I a rece.it Inquiry by T. Gilbert Pearson, f
secretary of the National Assoiation
! of Audubon societies, the authorities i
jof tli-i Cincinnati Zoo have just f nv-!
I nisho.l the last chapter in the tragic;
tale of these butchered birds. The
iast ot the Passenger Pigeons is a i checks had come home without a mur
femalf. 18 years old. whose mate died ; raur the teller allowed that It nyist be
recently without any issue at the age , an right. And right at this minute
of 24 years. j Tifft has two bank accounts, both of
As late as 1 ST7 what is no.v know ; which he opened with the one word
to have been the last noetir.g placo I Tifft.
of these wild birds was found in the ! Now there are two young Tiff ts, and
state cf Michigan, where their nests j the odd part of it is that both of them
thickly covered the trees over an area! have perfectly good front names. The
2 miles long and 4 miles wide. Resi- j idea of a junior Tifft or of a Tifft- 2d
dents of New York city declare that in j didn't look good to him, and. besides, it
1R30 they flocked over Manhattan j didn't look good to Mrs. Tifft, which is
Island in such numbers that they ob- j more important.
scurei the sun and that ships loaded j Be it said for those who haven't a
in bulk with the bodies of these birds i dictionary handy that shooks, painted
lay i t the wharves selling them at a
cent apiece. Audubon is quoted as
observing a roosting place of wild
pigeons in Kentucky early in the last
century that extended 40 miles and
was 3 miles in width. On its edges
men with guns, nets, clubs and torches
slaughtered the roosting birds, each
often bagging five hundred in one day.
When the wholesale butchers could
carry away no more, they let loose
droves of hogs to fattten on what was
ieft. About 1S53 this treatment began
to thin the ranks of the passenger
pigeons till two years ago it was dis
covered that only seven could be found
on the whole continent, four at Mil
waukee and three in Cincinnati.
Sad as is the passing of the passen
ger pigeon, its lesson may avert the
extinction of other valuable species,
it is declared, if the American people
rally at once to save their remaining
bird resources.
Dec. 2 in American
1S23 The Monroe doctrine promulgat
ed in President Monroe's message.
1S92 Jay Gould, capitalist and rail
road magnate, died in New Tork
city, leaving an estate of $72,000,
000 to his family; born 1S36.
, Population two 2.13S.093
(Increase 15.3 per cent.)
Population ISM) 1.828.6?7
Population :f'.. 1.513.017
New Yorker, Known as Simply
Tifft, Seems Satisfied With
lft Choice of Another Word to the
Son and He Decided to Uct It
Go at That.
Tifft, that's his full name not John
J. Tifft uor Horatio Q. Tifft nor Peter
X. Tifft nor yet Myque St. Patrick
Tifft just Tifft. If you don't believe
it you are at perfect liberty to go down
to the New York Produce Exchange,
ask the starter how you get to the of
fices in the tower and come face to
face with a sign which reads:
Box Snooks
E. R. Tifft A. H. Tifft
For twenty-five years the general
public has been unacquainted with the
fact that there is a person in New
York who owns no initials first name
or addendum to his name. In the re
cent rule of England it was not un
common to see official statements ema
nating from Buckingham palace sign
ed "Knollys" pronounced Noles but
that was not because he didn't own an
antepenulta! syllable; It was attribut
able to the European custom.
"It happened this way," said Tifft.
"My father thought that perhaps I
wouldn't like the name that he gave
me, my mother thought that perhaps
I wouldn't like the name she gave me.
and so they decided to leave it to me
j until I got old enough to choose ono
i tor myself.
Always Merely Tifft.
""VWil. it went alone, and I found
that I was not exactly endowed as
other persons. The boys at school
wanted to know what my name was.
a nd I told them Tifft. If they wanted
to know anything about my first name
I told them Tifft. Thnt was all there
was to it. and so what do you suppose
they called me? You guessed right
the firt time. Tifft just that and
nothing more."'
And so his childhood pacd.
On?e in awhile some overlasistent
companion wanted to know just why
it was that there was no first name.
and after awhile Mr. Tifft
becan an
swering by physical prowess. But, as
a rule, there were few queries. Such
things spread.
And then it came to the time when
h! would have to vote. He and his
father, who was one of the original
members of the shook firm, went to
the family counsel and asked him
what about it. Tho lawyer looked up
everything that had happened iu that
lino sinco the common law was writ
ten and discovered that the only case
of a one named man was a rasTpiker
)n Boston
That person seemed to be able to
prrr.cglo along v. l'.hout much trouble
on without anything- like police inter-
j nr.. T-c , . I.. - .n
would risk it. He lives in Brooklyn,
and he found that in his town as It
then was and in New York there
were enly four or five Tiffts. and all
of them were cousins, aud he didn't
think they would do anything disa
greeable about it.
Votes That Way Too.
The first time Tifft went to vote the
inspectors of election wanted to know
what about it. IIo told them that it
was just Tifft, and tliorp wasn't any
use in arguing. It got by.
Pretty soon Tifft got far enough
along in the world to start a bank ac
count. The receiving teller took a good
look at him when he shot through a
sample of his signature and wanted to
know why he was so stingv with the
ink. But by the time a "couple of
on Tifft's doQf, are the parts of a box,
its sides and its top aud bottom, be
fore it is assembled.
A Clean Cut.
Sykes My eyes met hers. and. would
you believe It. she cut me.' Tykes
How very rude! Who is she? Syltos
Oh, a lady barber. She was shaving
me. aad this is the cut. Londoy Tele
graph. Life Lines
(Copyrighted. 1910.)
Conscience is the clock which tells
the i'me to work and the time to
worship; conscience controls conduct.
You may think that whatever you
think is right; your conscience is your
critic but rarely a good criterion for
others to go b3-.
Conscience when listened to, make?
men feel rlj:ht, while concurring in
the conventional makes them look
right to others.
You can t cover up the wrong by
training your conscience to voice it as
right; a seared conscience is neither
sincere nor contrite.
When conscience does not approve
then you must not teach or do what
does not appear right to you, even
when others say that it is "for the
best"; man but acts the fool if he
doe3 not listen to the voice of con
sciencs in every tesuj
-ft H
t -
'V,.- y VWy t, i
i 'A
NEW YORK. A cablegram from Paris announced the weddine of Char
lotte Katherine Palmer to James C. Parrl3h, Jr., a relative of the Van
derbilts. The Parrishes are very wealthy and have a beautiful home
tear Southampton. Mr. Parrish. Jr., is a Harvard graduate, and was ad
nitted to the bar this year. Miss P.Vimer formerly wa3 in "Wang," and
ilso with the Lew Field forces. In London she numbered Mrs. OGcar Lew
ohn, Mrs. xienry Lyndhurst Broce and Sir Georg Preecott among her de
roted admirers.
The Argus Daily Short Story
A Christmas Stocking
Copyrighted. 1910, Ly
"De cbil'en' is gittiu' big enough to
! understand about brismias uow. and
! I reckon we better git some toys fo'
: 'em. Tommy is five yea's old. and
! Pinkey is nearly feu'. Ie gen'lemau
what visit de house las' month gib me
' some money fo' takin" keer ob his
; horse, and we kin spend it fo' a fust
clas Christmas."
j "And de iai'.y v. l.at was wid him gib
' ni" money fo" wushin' some lace
"othes. AYo kiu hab a Fsr.i Christmas
'ils yea". Missy Ali-o lone tole me
' he goiu' gib rs a turkey."
This conversation or urred between
i Ben and his wife. Sue, a young couple
i who were slaves on a plantation in
j Virginia. The time was a week be
! fore Christmas, aud preparations were
being made both by the whites and by
j the colored people to celebrate tho
day. From that moment Ben and Sue
I spent all the time they were allowed
j for themselves planning to give their
children the first Christmas they had
: ever known or nt least could appreci
J ate. The last Christmas little Tom
t was 111, and his "father and mother
were hourly expecting him to be taken
I away from them by death. That he
! had been Kpai'M to them and was now
In good health added zest to their
I preparations to make the coming cele
i bratU'n the Christmas of their lives,
i Ben secured a rocking' horse for Tom
j my and smuggled it Into the cabin
! when the children were asleep. Sue
bonpht a doll with a flue china head
; for Pinkey and made the clothes for
1 it herself. Besides the gift of the tur
key, a lady living on a neighboring
plantation -gave them a whole mince
pie for their Christmas dinner. A few
little things might be expected from
i the church.
j Every night when Ben came home
i from work Tommy would run out to
i meet him, and the father would take
I his child up in his arms and say:
! "Christmas comln', honey."
"Wlid's Kismas?" the boy would ask
i with shining eyes, knowing that It was
something enjoyable, buj ignorant of
its nature.
"Chrlsfmas Is de day de blessed Lord
was bo'n. Fust yo' wake up in de
mawnin' and holler 'Merry Christmas,
pop! Merry Christmas, moml Merry
Christmas, Pinkey I' and we all holler
'Merry Christmas: to you. Den we go
to de stockin's-hangin' to de chimbley
and see what Santa Clause bning fo
de chil'eD. And we take 'em out and
gib yo' yon's and Pinkey hers. Den
we hab a' fine dinner ob turkey and
stuffin' iu it and mince pie, and yo'
chll'en play wid yo toys all day. Won't
dat be fine?"
And the boy would share his grati
fication by tightening his arms about
his father's neck and cpvering his face
with, kisses.
,H iv . ... -v
i. H 1
By Lucy K. Vynkoop.
Associated Literary i're.
The preparations went on and the
anticipations continued to rie till tho '
day bofore Christmas. Then Bqn sur
prised Sue by coming t- the a bin an
hour earlier than usual, and the mo
ment she looked at him she knew that j
someiiiing frrible had happened
His j
face had taken on that sickly hue j
which in the colored race corresponds j
to pallor in the whites. He came In j
and threw himself face down on the J
lied. :
"Oh. Ben." crh'd his wife, ' what is '
it:- " !
There was ro reply.
"Tell me. Ben! Io till me what's
de matter."
"Tommy's sold."
The mother dropped as If she had
been shot. Ben had been told the
news by hH master and sent home to
break It to the wife and mother. Colo- ,
no?. Torrance, the planter, had for some
time intended to got rid of some of '
the children he owned. lie had no
Idea of doing so at this Christmas sea- :
pen. but a trader bad come along, had
made an oftVr of ?:iOO for Tommy, and ,
Ids martcr had concluded to accept It. :
The southern gentleman pi inter was ;
usually a kind man. whose slaves were (
fond of him. But a slave was a chat- ,
tel representing a certain sum of mon- ,
ey, and a thrifty owner would 11a tu- ;
rally lunke the most of his capital.
Colonel Thomas was one of this class. !
He rtis'iked to separate families, but!
under the system of slavery it at times '
became to his Interest to do no. And ;
what was his Interest he considered
his duty to himself and his family.
Be;i, hearing his wife fall, sprang up '
aud took hrr limp body in his arms
nnd laid it 0:1 the bed. Just as she
came to herself the children toddled
Inio the room and Tommy, seeing that
something was the matter, began to
cry. This started his sister. The two ,
wt lit to the mother, who, seeing her
boy, arose nnd with a moan took him .
in her arms. I
"Oh, what a Christinas eve!" wailed
the father.
There was a rap at the door. " !
"Don't come in heah!-' cried the
mother fiercely. "Yo' shan't take ma ;
boy! I'll kill bim befo' 1 11 let him be !
taken away from his mother!" j
Nevertheless, tthe door was opened, j were free.
The face of a young girl appeared. j
"What do you im an. Sue? I haven't Mp.iv persons find themselves af
come to ti:e your boy. I"ve come to feet 1 with a persistent cough afer an
bring you the turkey for Christmas
Here it is." And she held up a four
pound bird.
"Ob. Missy Alice," said the father,
"wo don't win no turkey. Dry ain't
no Christmas fo" v.r.. Ie Lawd bah
Says the housewife who uses
.4 T HE
They are always light, tender and snowy white.
They never cause indigestion when eaten hot.
Rumford makes all food light, more nourishing
and more wholesome. You ought to uzc it.
The best of the high-grade baking powders. It
struck us down. Mars' done sol'd
Tommy to a trader, and de trader
gwiae take him down souf. Take do
turkey away. Missy Alice. We ain't
got no use f o' it."
The visitor, Alice Wharton, vat a
girl of twenty, whose face bespoke the
kindliness of her nature. But over
kindliness triumphed indignation.
"It is brutal:" she exclaimed.
The mother continued to moan. Sev
eral times A!ie essayed to speak
words of comfort, but her lips refused 1
to say what was untrue. There was i
no comfort for her to rpeak. Colon?l
Torronre prided himself upon his
strength of will to do whatever h con
sidered it to be his duty. He had had
Ftich unpleasant episodes in his life be
fore and had never shrunk from carry
ing out his plans. Alice took the hand
of (he father in one of hers, the moth
er's hand in the other, pressed them,
und with the words, "God help you,"
turned and left the cabin.
It was, as Ben had said, a melan-
choly Christmas eve. Little Tommy
was pur 10 oeu eany, cis mouier lying
beside him. On the morrow he would
pass out of their lives.
It was near midnight when there
came a rap at the door. Ben arose and
opened it. A boy stood la the opening,
but he was as black as the night and
consequently invisible. Ben heard a
voice say:
"Missy Alice tole me to tote yo' de
stockin' fo to hang up on de ctimLly.
She sais she done tole Santa Claus to
bring somepln nice fo' Tommy."
Ben felt a stocking shoved Into his
hand, beard the departing footsteps,
closed the door, hung up tho stocking
and returned to bed.
When It began to tie light Tommy,
who did not know that anything had
occurred to interfere with Christmas,
"Merry Christmas, pop! Merry
Christmas, moml Merry Christmas,
The only reply he received from his
parents was a sigh. They lay for a
while, dreading to get up. It was
Christmas day, but the day as well
that their little boy was to be taken
from them. Finally Ben, urged by the
children, arose nnd uncovered Tom
my's rocking horse and Pinkey's doll.
He glanced nt the stocking Miss Whar
ton had sent, but, seeing that it gave
no more sign of contents than when
i he had hung it up the night before.
pftid no further attention to it. But
Sue. with n woman's inclination for In
vestigation in such matters, took it
down, put her hand iuto it and pulled
out a bit of paper. This she opened,
and on it in large printed letters that
she and Ben could rend was written:
Merry Christmas! I have ho';,rht Tom
The -father and mother looked at
each other for a moment before the
full meaning of the words penetrated
their brains; then, taking the two chil- j
dien in tin: arms, all were united in,
a single embrace.
In a twinkliug all was changed. Miss
Wharton now being the owner of
Tommy, his parents knew v:ll that he j
would never be separated from them, j
The girl was beloved by the colored !
people, both her father's slaves and '
those on other plantations, for she de- I
voted all her time to miuisteriug to ,
them. She had a little money of her
own, and as soon as she knew of '
Tommy's sale went to the trailer, of- '
ered him a good profit on bis pur
chase, it. was accepted, and the boy :
passed into her ownership.
As soon as Ben and Sue felt assured
that Miss Wharton had arisen they
started for her home to hear the j;ood
news from her lips and thank her for )
hating been the. means of sparing'
them a suffering worse than their
child's death. She met them with a
smile not less happy than their own.
Ben tried to speak his thanks, but
failed. Sue then tried, but did not got ;
very far before she broke down fn tears, j
And so it was that the Christmas j
wbi. h eamo so iio;ir heim; a day of j
ni'iiy was saved to this humble fam-
i ly by an aivel of mercy. The chil- !
dreu enjoyed the toys and the turkey J
and the mince pie. But there was
in their parents that which did not
come of several t'liie.-s. for theirs was
a great comfort of the soul. That
which they held most dear bad bc:,
taken on Christmas ovo and returro:'
on Christinas morning.
Tommy remained for several year,
with his motlwr, it being hi owner's
intention to give him free papers as
soon as hoiwas of an atre to take are
cf himself. Rut before lhat time came
nr und a Croat chance had eome over
the CiilTcd peoolo of the south. Tt wns
fser.ved for another to rive Tommy
his freedom. Abraham I. in vhi one
day wrote h;s name, and nil the slaves
attac of influenza. As this cough can
he promptly cured by the use of Cham
berla i s cough remedy, if. Fho'ihl not
be allowed to run on uritil It becomes
troubicsomo. Sold by all drm-frists.
A hi
aking Easy
Humor and
MAN may scorn to beat a traction
company out of a fare and yet rit
the man who saws his wocd down 5
cents an hour ou his uages.
Some men know enough to quit when
they are ahead of the game, some quit
even, but most quit broke.
The new bat which lta owner thinks
a dream hev husband calls a night
mare. The actress might have a hard time
making both ends meet If she didn't
j marry a millionaire occasionally.
A rounder is never on the square
with his family.
If fashions never changed, how
would the church committee get ar
ticles for its rummage sale?
You can't always tell by the size
of the rally bov many votes your
candidate won't get.
When a man's wife keeps him In
hot water all the time, cau you b!am
him if he boils over once in awhile?
Language Stimulant.
In language unconventional
Down on that mule he bore.
It v.-asn't quite Intentional,
But I feel sure he iwore.
lie did bis best, made pause for reit,
And then he tald come more.
The mule was quite unbending,
A patient bast and low,
Jot In his pride pretending
Tiiat he was built to ko.
He'd rather stand and view the land
And hear the language now.
The drtver. full of phrases
As nuts are full of meat.
Made little language blazes
Hush up and down the street.
To persons who tho line ai new
It might have been a treat.
To drive a mcle procession
By ineana of whip and Iur.gr
Finds things In its expression
That loosens up the tongue
And always cause a man to paue
, To hear the charges rung.
To aret his English fluent
One need not go to school. 0
No; he can be a truant
And d'Robey the rule
If he will but professors cut
And learn to drive a mule.
Unfounded Anxiety.
"Why do you look so distressed, mj
poor man because you are hungry?
'Tartly, ma'am."
"Yes. ma'am."
"And what Is the further reason?"
"I am oppressed by fear."
"Of what?"
"That I shall disgrace my relative!
by dying rich."
The Grouch.
"Laugh and the world calls you fool
ish." "In that case what do ou rccom
rrwuid ?
"Yes. for then It will get busy and
either take you i:i or tire you out"
So Thoughtful.
"I feel so thankful to tho owners of
t!;e Mayflower."
"Because they brought over the pil'
"No. not that so much."
"Why. then?"
"Because they didn't ton me It tb
June Bug?"
Better Still.
"He Is an ideal husband."
"(Jives all bis money t his wife?"
"No; takes ail her advice."
A Mystery.
"T can find water with a crooked
stii k." said ihe active little man.
"Can you indeed?" said the person
With the larce red nose.
"You bef 1 cau!"
"What do you want to find wtr
Never on Foot.
"We want men from every walk In
life on the committee."
"Kvery walk?"
. "That is what I said."
"Then you are goiog to leave out the
a jtoists."
Get It Early.
"Do you believe we will ever have
universal language":"
"It Is here now."
"Who talks it?"
'Ail the babies iu the world."
I wonlor where the comet strayed
That cuii so Mir a fuss.
And all that iillt and furore mad.
And if It mlM 03
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niont is applied a cure may be effected
I in tiice or four days. This liniment
j is one of the best and most remark
0 fi
able preparations in use. Sold bj all

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