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THE ROCK ISLAND ARGUS. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1912. THE ARGUS. Published Dally at lt Second ave . Rock Island. IIL (Entered at the poetofflce aa seoond-claaa matter. ) lalaad Hesse ( tk A slats BY THE J. W. POTTER CO. t ' I k. P.MS Tea cents par week, by car riar. la Rook la and. I Complalnta of delivery aarrlca ahould tea made to the circulation department. i which anoald also be notified la over I' Instance where It Is desired to bare I paper discontinued, as eaniors hsre ao ' eathorlty In tbe premises, J ! AO eommonleatlons of arg omenta tlvo j : character, political or rellrlous. must : hare real name attached for pnbUca : Hon. Mo suck articles will be prlcted r ever fictitious sla-catnrem Telephones In all departments: Cea ; tral Colon. West 14s. 1141 and tl4l: J Union EJectrle. 1148. rTRADE3J'7c-i7l COUNCIL Friday, November 29, 1912. And Turkey has been almost reduc ed to Greece. Tbe Argus annual Good Fellow cam paign in behalf of the poor children's, Christmas will be next in order. a ' A Grand Rapids, Mich., man tried to commit suicide and failed and was fined $50u. 1: costs money to live these days. A Hartford Judge refused to divorce a man because he snored, holding that snoring is a sign of resting. But can other people in the same room rest? Andrew Carnegie's proposal to give ex-presldents a pension of 125,000 a year, provided by himself, is not meet ing with public approval. The concen sus of opinion seems to be that the American people themselves, and not private generosity, should retain and employ ex-presidents. '18:' Ll'l'KV FOK WILSON. It Is found that there are 13 letters in "Woodrow Wilson;' that he was elected on November fifth," again 13 leters, and in "1&12." the sum of which four numbers Is 13. He will be in augurated in 1913, and returns Indicate that he will have 43C electoral votes, the three figures of which number, added together, make 13. Also, The number of letters in the name "Taff and "Roosevelt," four and nine, respectfully, added together make 13 letters, so that his opponents com bined to make Wilson a lucky num ber. INFORMATION CO N C K K X I N G CHOI'S. A cablegram dated Nov. 23, 1912, from the International Institute of Ag riculture, Rome, Italy, has been receiv ed by the United States department of agriculture, giving the following lufor- mat inn ! The production In 1912 compared wVh 1911 in countries of the northern ;: hemisphere (specified in the October ' bulletin of the institute) Is as follows: Wheat. 106.4; rye, 122.2; barley, 106.7; ' oats. 121.4; corn, 121.8. '". The countries to which the above fig l? tires n la are Prussia, Belgium, Bul- t Kaila, Denmark. Spain, France, Eng- . land, Ireland, Wales, Hungary, Italy, ; j Luxemburg, Norway, Netherlands, Rou i; mania, Russia (73 governments), Switz ' erland, Canada. United States, India, ' Japan. Egypt. Tunis and Algeria. ' For Russia In Europe the prelimin ary figured of production are for rye, j 1,010.992.000 bushels; barley, 455.920, f 000 bushels; oats. 972.080,000 bushels; r corn. 79.C0S.000 bushels. J SM ASH III K COAI, Till ST. The people of the nation are depend- ' ent upon tbe anthracite fields of Penn- I sylvan! for their supply of hard coal. The production there exceeds 86,000.- i 000 tons annually. Of this vast amoun i railroad-coal companies control 8C ptr cent, either by ownership or through ' contracts with Independent operators. More, they control the railroads and ; fix the rates for moving coal to mar- ket. If a philanthropist anxious to reduce . the price cf coal for the relief of the v poor should acquire ownership of the coal mines, he would be able to min imize the cost of coal at the mine, but that would be an inconsiderable econ omy as long as the rates for coal car rying remained ss they are now. The big profit lu hard coal is not so much in the profit over coat of production as 'j the profit made in moving the coal by rail. Controlling mines and railroads, the coal-railroad companies, or coal trust. ' is able absolutely to dictate prices and condl tons cf sales to dealers. It has tn unbridled monopoly and the single : restraint upon its avarice is the temper Of the Amvictn people. No trust should bo loft in nionopolis- - tic control f a necessary of life; It is Incompatible with our institutions. Pri vate monopoly is abhorrent and lnde- 1 feasible. The coal trust should be ' smashed. SAVINti 111' MAN LIFE. Never in the history of the world has there been such a general study by scientific men and women, and by societies of various kinds, to devise methods of preventing and healing dis eases, and prolonging human life, as 1 Is being dorie at present One of the organizations that lc making campaigns for saving human lives, and one that is especially wor thy of mention and commendation at tjls time, is the Red Cross society. During the holiday season, which is cow approaching, the Red Cross soci ety conducts a campaign for raising funds to carry on its work. It has mil lions of Red Cross stamps printed, which are for sale in nearly every city and hamlet in the land. These stamps cost the users only one cent apiece, and should be purchased in large numbers by those who can use them to put on their holiday corre spondence, and on packages sent through the mails. These stamps car ry a lesson with them as well as a greeting. They are ornamental as well as significant They remind the send er as well as the receiver of the duty as well as the privilege they enjoy of assisting to save human life. Wherever there is sickness and sor row, disease and death; wherever aid is needed in the hospital, on tbe battle field or In the sick room, there the Red Cross messengers and ministers of grace may be found giving aid and comfort to those who are in need. The work of this society should appeal to every heart. It is a work for God and humanity. THE PARCELS POST. The postoffice department is busy with preparations for inaugurating the parcels post on Jan. 1. Tbe public must be thoroughly familiarised with the opportunities offered under the law for the prompt and cheap trans portation of parcels, and postmasters must be familiarized with all the facts that will be necessary for thorough comprehension of their duties. The new law permits the mailing of packages weighing not more than 11 pounds, which must not be more than 72 inches in length and breadth combined. Up to four ounces there will be a flat rate of one cent per ounce, or part thereof, regardless of distance. For packages weighing more than four ounces the rates vary with the distance, as indicated In the follow ing table: Each iUiJJ.';! , . add!- First tlonal pound pound Rural route, city delivery .05 CO-mile sons 06 ISO-mile zone 06 300-mile rone 07 600-mlle rone 08 1000-mile zone 09 1400-mile zone 10 1800-mile zone .' 11 Over 1800 miles 12 .01 .03! .04, .051 .06! .07 .09 .10 .12 Common opinion is that this law marks only tbe beginning of the par cels post system and that the latter will be enlarged from time time as necessity appears to demand. THE LOSS OF HOGS. Illinois farmers last year suffered a loss of $15,000,000 in hogs that died from cholera. Millions more were lost through the sale of Immature pigs v hich were disposed of at a loss be- cause of the cholera. This year the less Is Just as great, as the farmers have been afraid to stock up. Instead of being able to realize 75 cents a bushel for their corn in fat pork, tbey are obliged to sell it at from 42 to 45 cents a bushel. The big crop thrown on the market forces down the price and still lower figures may be looked for. The worst of this Is that the com monwealth Is .helpless. The state fur- ! r ifheB Berum whlcn- U Maimed, w ill act as a preventive, but so far there has been no cure found. The trouble lies in the fact that hogs "are subject to a number of contagious diseases which will sweep a community as an epidemic. It is claimed that much of the "cholera" is diphtheria, but, strange as it seems, nothing has been done to diagnose tbe different "chol eras," and the one serum, while eaec tive in one disease, falll to act in another. Much of the money appro priated by the state to fight these epi demics Is wasted. With veterinarians and experts drawing big salaries from the state, there is no reason why such condi tions should exist. A great deal could be accomplished if these veterinar ians and experts-would apportion tbe state among themselves and visit ev ery locality. Proper feeding and prop er care would do much to eliminate these epidemics. Clean quarters and clean and wholesome food would give th- bogs greater disease resistance. Outbreaks would be avoided and as a rteuit mere would be no contagion. Pioper disposal of infected dead hogs as soon as the disease Is noticed would also aid materially in preventing its spreading, but all these things must be taught either by direct instruction or by laws with a stiff fine. Only a small percentage of farmers are re sponsible for tnese epidemics from witch the innocent farmer who takes proper precautions has to uffef. Local authorities could ha made to co-operate with the stale officials and a united effort along these lines would do more than millions spent according to the present methods. GLASS IS PECULIAR. It Haa m Number of Curiews n4 Ceat tradictory Qualities. , Glass la one of the most iotereetlni s well as one of the most peculiai things la the world. It has curious an4 j contradictory qualities, and ma ay aa j touisbing phenomena are connected i with it Brittle and breakable as It la ! yet It exceeds almost all other bodies In elasticity. ' If two glass balls are made to strlki each other at a given force the recoil, by virtue of their elasticity, will cm nearly equal to their original Impetus Connected with its britUeness are some very singular facts. Take a hollow sphere with a hole and top tbe bole with the eager, so as to prevent tbe external and Internal alt from communicating, and tbe sphere will fly to pieces by the mere beat of, the hand. Vessels made of gigs that have been suddenly cooled posjaese the curious property of being sble to re slst bard blows given to them from without, but will be Instantly shivered by a small particle of flint dropped into their cavities. This property seems to depend upon the comparative thickness it ,j z ' Some one has said, "Man lives by what he digests, and not by what he eats." a I sit At my desk writing, a man in an office, across the way, is eating his luncheon and reading. Down on the street below crowds are thronging the restaurants for luncheon. My help er and secretary have gone their re spective ways for their noonday meal, and when they return I, too, will depart on the same errand. The question arises: "How man7 of the great throng of workers, and of those in the home also, know anything about the food they eat or why they eatr They will tell you that they eat be cause they are hungry, and most of them have, in all probability, never known what hunger really is. It has come time to eat and we eat. To eat the food which helps to build the body rather than clog and destroy, that brightens the eyes, clears the skin, keeps us young, active, clear headed and capable that is another matter. To tell people what to eat and when to eat Is treading not only on danger ous, but obstinate, thankless ground. No one wishes to be told what to eat any more than children enjoy being told It Is bed time, but we have learned that to eat whatever Just "tastes good without regard to the future means we pay the price in more ways than one sometimes wl'h money, some times with ill-health, or both, and rare ly ever can either be recovered when once lost. The pendulum is swinging wide, however, on the food question. It Is the desire of most people to be well. A few years ago a man said to me, "I would not give up as many things as you do to be well. I want a good time and to enjoy life." I tried to as sure him I was not only perfectly well, but happy, too. I recently met him on the street and remarked upon his changed appearance and how well he looked. He replied, "Yes, I had to come to it. I thought I could eat and drink anything, but I found the ma- chlnery was refusing to work and I could not attend to business as I should. "Now, I am eating the food which helps to develop both brain and body, and I never felt better In my life." Another business man, who was the thinking power in a large concern, came to me for some help for head aches. After going over his food care fully and when he had these head aches I found that heavy meat lunch eons, rich gravies, etc., were the ub ual noon-day meal, and the headaches usually followed in the afternoon. I gave him menus for luncheons and other meals, and he said: "Do you ex pect to starve me?" He went on his way for two years, and then, coming into our cooking school one day, said: GETTING OUT (Chicago Journal.) Ding, dong, dole. Teddy's in a hole. What let him in? His trust plank was too thin. How will he get out? First he will write a letter insist ing that it is someone else who is in the hole; then he will write more let ters explaining that what seems a of the bottom: the thicker the bottom is the more certainty of breakage by this experiment. Some of these vessels. It is stated, bare resisted tbe stroke of a mallet given with sufficient force to drive a nail into wood, and heavy bod ies, such as iron, bits of wood, Jasper, stone, etc., have been cast into them from a height of two or three feet with out any effect, yet a fragment of flint not larger than a pea dropped from a height of three Inches has made them fly. ELIZA WAS GENEROUS. Har Munificent Offer For an Original Five Act Tragedy. People are likely to look back com mlseratlngly upon the past in these days of modern progress. When we hear what the most prolific of present day novelists receives a word and what the weekly royalties of any well known playwrights are we say that the literary profession has come Into its own. Some hark back to the con trasting tale that Milton received! only 5 for the first copyright of "Paradise Lost" an epic In twelve books containing a total of 10,565 lines, but that was over two centuries ago- Poe received $10 for "The Raven." That may be dismissed with the statement that poetry never paid. The modem way of making money by literature la even more recent than Is generally thought Alexander Hill of Cincinnati, one of tbe best known bookmen and collectors of the middle west, has a letter in his collection of autographs that proves this point Twe generations ago Elisa Lugan was a leading actress In America. Read her letter. O budding genius on the typewriter, and be glad that when yon are paid it is space rates for tbe local paper: Tremont House, Bottom. May 17. ISi. E. Duaaeault, Jr.. Chariest own. Mass. lrr-l wish as origlaal fire act tragedy- ice, Grtchell mrk "I feel that I owe it to you to tell yu that I am paying one of the highest priced doctors for telling me the same things to eat yon did two years ago. If I had only followed your advice then I should not have had these years of suf erirg." There are many who would eat the right foods If they knew what they were, and there are others doing bet ter than they are themselves aware. There are still others who would al ways find it "too much trouble" to cook the right foods. Of this class would say that we could write on till our fingers grow weary, and they may read until their eyes grow dim, but if it Is not with the determination of do ing, then valuable space in newspapers and magazines had better be used for other subjects, not ours. If there Is any medicinal value at all in foods, especially so far as purify ing the system and keeping it so, is concerned, then every man, woman and child should be familiar with it We don't take our watches and open them up to their fine, beautiful works and poke sand, seeds and buttons into them jand expect them to keep time for us; but that is Just what most men, women and children are doing to their bodies, the most wonderful works in existence, and then wonder why they cannot keep well, strong and active. They imagine they are growing old when they cannot think and act quickly and clearly in their business. All they need is right food for an active liver and good di gestion for as a man thinks and eats, so he is. There is no doubt in. thinking minds today but that vegetables should play a large part in the every-day menus. I may work at my desk and my neigh bor out of doors ; consequently she and the baseball player or athlete need more hearty vegetables, 6uch as onions, cabbage, beets, stewed or baked beans, thick pea, bean or lentil soup and sub stantial steamed fruit puddings and some pie and pastry made with a good vegetable fat; foods, in fat, of quality and quantity which are not digested quickly, but have "staying" qualities. Growing boys from 12 to 18, who are exercising constantly in the open air, require much the same type of food with plenty of bread and butter with a good sprinkling of sugar occasion ally as a warmth and energy producer. The man or woman doing sedentary work requires food which will digest more quickly and have the blood free for the work of the brain thin cream soups, nut loaf, salads, with all kinds of green vegetables, rice, fruits and light desserts. The girl In the high school and the mother in tbe home, generally, should have the same as above, with added vegetables for the mother. The grandmother and the 4-year-old require about' the same 'amount and kinds of foods, plenty of eggs, light soups, well-cooked cereals, more rice than potatoes and stale bread or toast with evaporated fruits. Summing it all up, I would say, se lect and eat the kinds of foods that give health, strength and beauty, and these in turn effect the mental, moral and Intellectual side 'of our natures. Feed the body, mind and soul and we will then develop the highest type of man or woman. OF THE HOLE hole is Just bis halo slipped down airund his legs; then he will make a few hundred additions to the Ananias club; finally he will look over his list of followers, pick out some poor devil whom the public doesn't like, and make that person the goat; for this is T. R.'s regular method of procedure when giving his celebrated imitation of Little Johnny Stout. the feature to be a heroti?--, myftelf the txrsonator of it: the scene not to be laid tn this country; the plot to be optional with the author for which, if I like It I will pay 15. Respectlfully, ELIZA LOOAN. Boston Post American Leaf Colors. It has been observed that the leaves cf American trees, such as maples, scarlet oaks and so forth, which at home exhibit splendid colors in tbe autumn, fall below tbelr reputation in this regard when transplanted in Eng land or on the continent of Europe An English observer, who has been studying the causes of the autumn tints of trees, thinks the superiority of our woodlands arises from the soft and mild yet glowing climatic condi tions prevailing here tn the fall. Eng land. It is added, is rarely blessed with an Indian summer. When the climatic conditions permit the leaves to retain considerable vitality in the autumn the colored pigment is normally de veloped; hence the glorious forests of the United States. Chicago Record Herald. 6he Didnt Do It The family Jsr waxed fiercer. "Tou talk about my being to blame i for our marrying!" shrilly exclaimed Mrs. Vlck-Benn. "John He -, did 1 hunt you out and then make love to your" "No." he snorted. "But you could have given me the glassy eye and sent me about my hasineas. and you didn't do It madatB you didn't do It f Chi cago Tribune. Capital Punishment "Mamma, did you love to flirt when you were youns?" "I am afraid I did. dear." "And were yea ever punished for it mamma T "Cruelly, dear. I married your fa ther." Parts Rlre. Humor and Philosophy METHOD. HAVE you sot your life in hand That the movements you d treat Of your colng-a out and In. Making all the ends connect? s Or are you a bit of chaff. Juat a tool of circumstance. As you wander In response To thevfiokle law of chancer Do you aay at early morn Thua and thus the day shall be. That along- a certain Una Tou ahall march erect and free. And when eventlme arrivea Can you clear of conscience say That you oanied out the plan That waa laid at break of day? No: I vary greatly fear By the time the day la through Tou have scarcely dona a thing That at morn you planned to do. As you hurried on your way Circumstance were so strong. So insistent and so rude. That they carried you along. Little method. little plan. la there to the life we lead. Though wo try to work them out. It la aeldom wa succeed. In the struggle of the day Who Is strong enough to stand With a purpose steadfast, strong To the line that he has planned? a. A 8ure Sign. The minister was coming to dinner, and the usual preparations bad been made to Insure the good man a pleas ant time. Dishes that would make the mouth water were in tbe open, and the best silverware was on the table. At last the visitor came. He was greeted by the daughter of the house, a small girl but one big' enough to know better. "I knew you were coming," she said. "And bow did you know I was com ing?' "A little bird told me." "What sort of a little bird?" A chicken." Easy. "What did Tetterly make his money onr "On faith." "Faith r "Yes the other fellow's." Impossible. "Jones doesn't seem to be feeling low this morning." "No. Why should he?" "Well, be was out on a spree till 3 o'clock this morning." "Yes. and his wife blew him up when he got home too." A Life Long Task. "He seems to Just enjoy being a blamed fool." "Who?" "That pink voiced Paddlekins." "Well. I like to see a man in love with his life work." How Ha Did It "now did you vote. Uncle George f" "How did I vote?" responded the old southern darky. "Yes, sir." "In my mind, sah." The Way She Fait "Helen's going to marry Percy." "For the love of Mike!" 'I suppose that's the reason. I can't see any other myself." Carving. It's Turkey's neck the nations round Are trying hard to land on, Ai.d Turkey will be lucky It It haa a leg to stand on. Perhaps It seems a cruel thing. But every country wanta a wing. PERT PARAGRAPHS. Lots of people get stone bruises on their consciences traveling tbe rocky road to fortune. It would be something of a Jar to our egotism if we knew the things for which people pity us. Borne women seem to wear their mar tyr's crown Jauntily, as If they thought it becoming. Be good, but let others find It out Don't tell t hem Never get gay with an officer Just after his gang has been muck raked. Anybody can wear a campaign but ton, but it is tbe vote that counts. Cheer up! If your candidate didn't' win you have plenty of time to select! another. The reason why women have no sense of humor la because tbey are slated to live with men. Maybe be doesn't make the best use; of them, but the man who doesn't wor - ry conserves bis vital forces tbe long- est . Tou can't make everybody happy, but If you st about It you can keep the neighborhood amused. His Title. "No. I shall never marry," sighed the aid bachelor. Tbe spinster gazed at him scornfui- I lw T.II tvurrAf" .hi. rkll adelpfaia Record. CIvfilzatlon is first and foremost moral thine. A mlL 3p3 The Argus A Christmas Dinner By P. A. Kitchel. Copyrighted, ills. ty Associated Literary Bureau. I lived, at my club, rooming ana eat ing there, for I was a bachelor, twenty- five years old, with no other home. Roger was my especial waiter In the club dining hall, and by tips and other wise I secured his good will. One day at noon I went Into a second class restaurant for luncheon, and who should step op to serve me but Roger. He looked much put out at meeting me there and without waiting for me to say anything begged mebot to report the fact to the club management, since he was supposed to serve that Institu tion alone. "I have a large family," he said, "and since the club Is up town few members lunch there, so 1 have the noon hour to myself and can earn something here." I promised to keep his secret and while lunching asked him If he earned anything beyond what he was paid at the club. He replied that he some times assisted at dinner parties when not needed at tbe club, adding: "Next week Christmas comes, sir. There's very few dining at the club on Christ mas day. I'm to wait at a private house." My only Invitation to a Christmas dinner was at tbe home of an aunt of mine, an old lady, very deaf, and no young persons In her family. I bad made an excuse to decline it. I was consequently one of "the few" who would dine at the club. Tbe club restaurant was solemn enough at any time to its habitues, and Its loneliness on Christmas day was enough to drive "I WOULD LI KB TO KNOaOB TOO 1'ERMA- NKSTI.Y any member dining there into matri mony with any woman short of a gor gon. "Where are you going to wait on Christmas, Roger?" I asked. "At Mr. Pepper's, on Montague ave nue, sir." "I don't know the Peppers." "Tbey haven't been iu tbe city long, sir." An idea came into my head for a lark an expedient whereby I mlKlit enjoy seeing persons at a Joyful Christ mas dinner without being one of tbe diners. "Roger," I said, "could you get me a Job as waiter at that dinner?" Roger was too astounded to reply, so I went on: "Take me with you and tell tbein I'm a friend of yours who la anx ious to learn bow to wait on the 'qual ity' and you have brought me as your assistant. Say I'm not to be paid any thing." "Why. sir." replied Roger, "you'd give yourself away directly." "Not a bit of it 1 once played the part of butler in private theatricals and got a lot of applause. Do you think you could manape It?" "Of course I can take you as my as sistant and no charge." "Well. I'll think it over and let you know at breakfast at the club on Christmas morning.'" I was not unknown In social circles; but, these Peppers being new to tbe city, 1 could count on their not knowing me. Christmas morning was lowering, and I felt that the day would be very depressing to me. I told Roger at breakfast that I bad decided to carry out my scheme for waiting and, tak ing my dinner at 5 o'clock, was ready to go with him at 6 to Mr. Pepper's. 1 wore a discarded dress suit but rather too good for the purpose. Roger took me Into the bouse through the servants' entrance in tbe rear, and I fell to assisting in serving the dinner. which was nearly ready. Following Roger Into the dining room, be bearing a tureen of soup, I a bottle of wine, we found the hostess there, putting cards on the plates, bearing the names of tbe guests. She looked surprised at seeing me. bnt Roger told her the story about ! my wishing to learn to welt under bis snpervislon. and the lady seamed nntfo pleased at tbe addition to the serving force. I When tbe guests entered the dining 1 ! room in couples I stood with my back j to the wall, stiff as a ramrod, a napkin ! on my left arm and looking straight ! ahead of me to give the appearance of : being there to serve and be oblivious to all else, as a good waiter should. Until the company were seated I kept ray eyes fixed on tbe wall opposite, and when I lowered them to bt-Kia my du ties I encountered tbe gaze of a young lady li::ed upon me. As soon as I look ed at Ur fcbe turned her eyes la an other direction and chatted with ber dinner companion. I beard ber ad dressed as Miss Phipps, and one of the ladies spoke to her as Lucy. Pbirinu. 1'tnnns? Where had I beard r i IP Daily Story that name? When its owner was not looking at me I studied her face, but could not remember to have seen her before. At times I was terrified lest she suspected that I was a gentleuan, but at others she ignored my pres ence so completely that I felt assured she was as much deceived as the others, none of whom paid any more attention to me than If I had been a waiter all my life, a circumstance that I did not consider flattering. I confessed that I enjoyed that Christmas dinner very much. I took la all the good things that were said, and there were a number of them, especial ly Miss Phipps. who was remarkably bright The only reason why I should have liked to be one of the circle was that I envied her dinner companion. . t I was about to take my departure, regretting that I could not assume my own personality. Join the party, tell them what fun I had had In listening to their chat and observing tbelr man ners, when Roger handed me some glasses containing pousse cafe and told me to take them into the com pany. I told him that I thought I wouldn't go further with the freak, but ' when he informed me that the hostess had requested that I bring in the liquor I concluded that it would be better to obey the order, though I wondered why I especially had been called upon. So I took up the tray and proceeded to the drawing room. I noticed as I entered that most of tbe guests were looking at me. Mr. Pepper, a genial man with a bald head and mutton chop whiskers, beckoned me to set the tray on a table near which he was sitting and when I had done so said to me: "I understand from Roger that yoa have waited on us to learn the busi ness. I wish to say to you that you are the best waiter I have ever seen, I would like to engage you permanently." There was a singular look in his face when he said this, while the guests ceased chattering and listened. "Thank you, sir," I replied. "You are very good, sir. But I don't think I'm quite up to the work yet" "What's your name?" "Charles, sir." "Do you know how to dance, Charles?" "Dance? No, sir." "Well, I expect you'll have to try. There are Just fifteen ofs, and we're going to dance the lancers. We're Just one man short" Every one arose, a couple of musi cians were called In, and the men chose tbelr partners. Miss Fhlpps was the odd lady who was left out. nad something occurred to reveal my secret, or had these persons, being short of a man to make up a set and noticing my respectable appearance, called roe in to help them out? I must wait and see. I marched up to Miss Phipps, made as awkward a bow as I could contrive and led her on to the floor. In order to carry out my part as wnlter I made no end of mistakes. 1 Invariably at "swing comers" turned to the wrong lady and In the grand chain got the dancers all mixed up. For a time they refrained from laugh ing at me, and I gathered confidence that they were Ignorant of my Identity. This encouraged me to make more bluuders, and one by one they gave way to laughter till the whole company was in a ronr. When the dnnce waa ended, with assumed confusion and without taking my partner to a seat. I was making for the door when the host called out steruly: "Charles!" "Yes. sir." "Where are you going?" "I was going home, sir. T have a wife and seven small children waiting for me, sir." The burst of laughter that followed this excuse removed all doubt that I was known for what I was. Miss Thlpps advanced and put out her band. "You are not very complimentary," she said, "having once made love to me and then forgotten me." "I made love to you!" ye9on the mimic stage. Some years ago you took the part of butler In. private theatricals, and I played housemaid. The byplay was between us. you trying to win me from tbe coachman." Then for the first time I recalled her. Since my prank was discovered there was nothing to do but confess, and since the host and hostess would not permit me to decide an invitation to Join them in what remained of the Christmas festivities I consented and for the rest of the evening found my self the center of attraction. I was obliged to recount the circumstances that led me to play the part of waiter at a Christmas dinner to every one I conversed with. Before tbe evening was finished I voted it tbe Christmas of my life. I made Intimate friends of the host and hostess and retained tbe acquaintance of nearly all tbelr guests. When the next Christmas came round I bad left my quarters at tbe club and gone Into a bouse of my own. There I entertained every one of tbe diners I bad served the year beforr-and the hostess on the occasion was Mrs. Lucy Pblpps. with mine for a third name. Nov. 29 in American History. 17!iO Amos Bronson Alcott. educator and author, born; died 1RS8. 1872 I!ora-e Orclcy, founder of the New York Tribm.e. dk-d; born Feb 3. 1811. lOOO-Rear Admiral Frederick McX.ilr, Ir. S. V. a veteran of the civil war, died; bora lS.':a tlewett I expe-t to lenve footprints on the sands of time. Jewtrtt It tsiks sand to do it Woman's Home Com panion. All mirt respect thoHe who resiw.ct J themselves- Liacouatield.