Rock Island Argus., November 29, 1912, HOME EDITION, Page 4, Image 4

About Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920

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THE ROCK ISLAND ARGUS. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1912.
THE ARGUS.
Published Dally at lt Second ave
. Rock Island. IIL (Entered at the
poetofflce aa seoond-claaa matter. )
lalaad Hesse ( tk A slats
BY THE J. W. POTTER CO.
t ' I k. P.MS Tea cents par week, by car
riar. la Rook la and.
I Complalnta of delivery aarrlca ahould
tea made to the circulation department.
i which anoald also be notified la over
I' Instance where It Is desired to bare
I paper discontinued, as eaniors hsre ao
' eathorlty In tbe premises,
J ! AO eommonleatlons of arg omenta tlvo
j : character, political or rellrlous. must
: hare real name attached for pnbUca
: Hon. Mo suck articles will be prlcted
r ever fictitious sla-catnrem
Telephones In all departments: Cea
; tral Colon. West 14s. 1141 and tl4l:
J Union EJectrle. 1148.
rTRADE3J'7c-i7l COUNCIL
Friday, November 29, 1912.
And Turkey has been almost reduc
ed to Greece.
Tbe Argus annual Good Fellow cam
paign in behalf of the poor children's,
Christmas will be next in order.
a ' A Grand Rapids, Mich., man tried
to commit suicide and failed and was
fined $50u. 1: costs money to live
these days.
A Hartford Judge refused to divorce
a man because he snored, holding that
snoring is a sign of resting. But can
other people in the same room rest?
Andrew Carnegie's proposal to give
ex-presldents a pension of 125,000 a
year, provided by himself, is not meet
ing with public approval. The concen
sus of opinion seems to be that the
American people themselves, and not
private generosity, should retain and
employ ex-presidents.
'18:' Ll'l'KV FOK WILSON.
It Is found that there are 13 letters
in "Woodrow Wilson;' that he was
elected on November fifth," again 13
leters, and in "1&12." the sum of which
four numbers Is 13. He will be in
augurated in 1913, and returns Indicate
that he will have 43C electoral votes,
the three figures of which number,
added together, make 13.
Also, The number of letters in the
name "Taff and "Roosevelt," four and
nine, respectfully, added together make
13 letters, so that his opponents com
bined to make Wilson a lucky num
ber. INFORMATION CO N C K K X I N G
CHOI'S.
A cablegram dated Nov. 23, 1912,
from the International Institute of Ag
riculture, Rome, Italy, has been receiv
ed by the United States department of
agriculture, giving the following lufor-
mat inn !
The production In 1912 compared
wVh 1911 in countries of the northern
;: hemisphere (specified in the October
' bulletin of the institute) Is as follows:
Wheat. 106.4; rye, 122.2; barley, 106.7;
' oats. 121.4; corn, 121.8.
'". The countries to which the above fig
l? tires n la are Prussia, Belgium, Bul-
t Kaila, Denmark. Spain, France, Eng-
. land, Ireland, Wales, Hungary, Italy,
; j Luxemburg, Norway, Netherlands, Rou
i; mania, Russia (73 governments), Switz
' erland, Canada. United States, India,
' Japan. Egypt. Tunis and Algeria.
' For Russia In Europe the prelimin
ary figured of production are for rye,
j 1,010.992.000 bushels; barley, 455.920,
f 000 bushels; oats. 972.080,000 bushels;
r corn. 79.C0S.000 bushels.
J SM ASH III K COAI, Till ST.
The people of the nation are depend-
' ent upon tbe anthracite fields of Penn-
I sylvan! for their supply of hard coal.
The production there exceeds 86,000.-
i 000 tons annually. Of this vast amoun
i railroad-coal companies control 8C ptr
cent, either by ownership or through
' contracts with Independent operators.
More, they control the railroads and
; fix the rates for moving coal to mar-
ket.
If a philanthropist anxious to reduce
. the price cf coal for the relief of the
v poor should acquire ownership of the
coal mines, he would be able to min
imize the cost of coal at the mine, but
that would be an inconsiderable econ
omy as long as the rates for coal car
rying remained ss they are now. The
big profit lu hard coal is not so much
in the profit over coat of production as
'j the profit made in moving the coal
by rail.
Controlling mines and railroads, the
coal-railroad companies, or coal trust.
' is able absolutely to dictate prices and
condl tons cf sales to dealers. It has
tn unbridled monopoly and the single
: restraint upon its avarice is the temper
Of the Amvictn people.
No trust should bo loft in nionopolis-
- tic control f a necessary of life; It is
Incompatible with our institutions. Pri
vate monopoly is abhorrent and lnde-
1 feasible. The coal trust should be
' smashed.
SAVINti 111' MAN LIFE.
Never in the history of the world
has there been such a general study
by scientific men and women, and by
societies of various kinds, to devise
methods of preventing and healing dis
eases, and prolonging human life, as 1
Is being dorie at present
One of the organizations that lc
making campaigns for saving human
lives, and one that is especially wor
thy of mention and commendation at
tjls time, is the Red Cross society.
During the holiday season, which is
cow approaching, the Red Cross soci
ety conducts a campaign for raising
funds to carry on its work. It has mil
lions of Red Cross stamps printed,
which are for sale in nearly every city
and hamlet in the land. These stamps
cost the users only one cent apiece,
and should be purchased in large
numbers by those who can use
them to put on their holiday corre
spondence, and on packages sent
through the mails. These stamps car
ry a lesson with them as well as a
greeting. They are ornamental as well
as significant They remind the send
er as well as the receiver of the duty
as well as the privilege they enjoy of
assisting to save human life.
Wherever there is sickness and sor
row, disease and death; wherever aid
is needed in the hospital, on tbe battle
field or In the sick room, there the
Red Cross messengers and ministers
of grace may be found giving aid and
comfort to those who are in need. The
work of this society should appeal to
every heart.
It is a work for God and humanity.
THE PARCELS POST.
The postoffice department is busy
with preparations for inaugurating
the parcels post on Jan. 1. Tbe public
must be thoroughly familiarised with
the opportunities offered under the
law for the prompt and cheap trans
portation of parcels, and postmasters
must be familiarized with all the facts
that will be necessary for thorough
comprehension of their duties.
The new law permits the mailing of
packages weighing
not more than
11 pounds, which must not be more
than 72 inches in length and breadth
combined. Up to four ounces there
will be a flat rate of one cent per
ounce, or part thereof, regardless of
distance.
For packages weighing more than
four ounces the rates vary with the
distance, as indicated In the follow
ing table:
Each
iUiJJ.';! , . add!-
First tlonal
pound pound
Rural route, city delivery .05
CO-mile sons 06
ISO-mile zone 06
300-mile rone 07
600-mlle rone 08
1000-mile zone 09
1400-mile zone 10
1800-mile zone .' 11
Over 1800 miles 12
.01
.03!
.04,
.051
.06!
.07
.09
.10
.12
Common opinion is that this law
marks only tbe beginning of the par
cels post system and that the latter
will be enlarged from time time as
necessity appears to demand.
THE LOSS OF HOGS.
Illinois farmers last year suffered
a loss of $15,000,000 in hogs that
died from cholera. Millions more were
lost through the sale of Immature pigs
v hich were disposed of at a loss be-
cause of the cholera. This year the
less Is Just as great, as the farmers
have been afraid to stock up. Instead
of being able to realize 75 cents a
bushel for their corn in fat pork, tbey
are obliged to sell it at from 42 to 45
cents a bushel. The big crop thrown
on the market forces down the price
and still lower figures may be looked
for.
The worst of this Is that the com
monwealth Is .helpless. The state fur-
! r ifheB Berum whlcn- U Maimed, w ill
act as a preventive, but so far there
has been no cure found. The trouble
lies in the fact that hogs "are subject
to a number of contagious diseases
which will sweep a community as an
epidemic. It is claimed that much of
the "cholera" is diphtheria, but,
strange as it seems, nothing has been
done to diagnose tbe different "chol
eras," and the one serum, while eaec
tive in one disease, falll to act in
another. Much of the money appro
priated by the state to fight these epi
demics Is wasted.
With veterinarians and experts
drawing big salaries from the state,
there is no reason why such condi
tions should exist. A great deal could
be accomplished if these veterinar
ians and experts-would apportion tbe
state among themselves and visit ev
ery locality. Proper feeding and prop
er care would do much to eliminate
these epidemics. Clean quarters and
clean and wholesome food would give
th- bogs greater disease resistance.
Outbreaks would be avoided and as a
rteuit mere would be no contagion.
Pioper disposal of infected dead hogs
as soon as the disease Is noticed would
also aid materially in preventing its
spreading, but all these things must
be taught either by direct instruction
or by laws with a stiff fine. Only a
small percentage of farmers are re
sponsible for tnese epidemics from
witch the innocent farmer who takes
proper precautions has to uffef.
Local authorities could ha made to
co-operate with the stale officials and
a united effort along these lines would
do more than millions spent according
to the present methods.
GLASS IS PECULIAR.
It Haa m Number of Curiews n4 Ceat
tradictory Qualities. ,
Glass la one of the most iotereetlni
s well as one of the most peculiai
things la the world. It has curious an4 j
contradictory qualities, and ma ay aa j
touisbing phenomena are connected i
with it Brittle and breakable as It la !
yet It exceeds almost all other bodies
In elasticity. '
If two glass balls are made to strlki
each other at a given force the recoil,
by virtue of their elasticity, will cm
nearly equal to their original Impetus
Connected with its britUeness are some
very singular facts.
Take a hollow sphere with a hole and
top tbe bole with the eager, so as to
prevent tbe external and Internal alt
from communicating, and tbe sphere
will fly to pieces by the mere beat of,
the hand. Vessels made of gigs that
have been suddenly cooled posjaese the
curious property of being sble to re
slst bard blows given to them from
without, but will be Instantly shivered
by a small particle of flint dropped into
their cavities. This property seems to
depend upon the comparative thickness
it ,j z
'
Some one has said, "Man lives by
what he digests, and not by what he
eats."
a I sit At my desk writing, a man
in an office, across the way, is eating
his luncheon and reading. Down on
the street below crowds are thronging
the restaurants for luncheon. My help
er and secretary have gone their re
spective ways for their noonday meal,
and when they return I, too, will depart
on the same errand.
The question arises: "How man7 of
the great throng of workers, and of
those in the home also, know anything
about the food they eat or why they
eatr
They will tell you that they eat be
cause they are hungry, and most of
them have, in all probability, never
known what hunger really is.
It has come time to eat and we eat.
To eat the food which helps to build
the body rather than clog and destroy,
that brightens the eyes, clears the
skin, keeps us young, active, clear
headed and capable that is another
matter.
To tell people what to eat and when
to eat Is treading not only on danger
ous, but obstinate, thankless ground.
No one wishes to be told what to eat
any more than children enjoy being
told It Is bed time, but we have learned
that to eat whatever Just "tastes
good without regard to the future means
we pay the price in more ways than
one sometimes wl'h money, some
times with ill-health, or both, and rare
ly ever can either be recovered when
once lost. The pendulum is swinging
wide, however, on the food question. It
Is the desire of most people to be
well.
A few years ago a man said to me,
"I would not give up as many things
as you do to be well. I want a good
time and to enjoy life." I tried to as
sure him I was not only perfectly well,
but happy, too. I recently met him on
the street and remarked upon his
changed appearance and how well he
looked. He replied, "Yes, I had to
come to it. I thought I could eat and
drink anything, but I found the ma-
chlnery was refusing to work and I
could not attend to business as I
should.
"Now, I am eating the food which
helps to develop both brain and body,
and I never felt better In my life."
Another business man, who was the
thinking power in a large concern,
came to me for some help for head
aches. After going over his food care
fully and when he had these head
aches I found that heavy meat lunch
eons, rich gravies, etc., were the ub
ual noon-day meal, and the headaches
usually followed in the afternoon. I
gave him menus for luncheons and
other meals, and he said: "Do you ex
pect to starve me?" He went on his
way for two years, and then, coming
into our cooking school one day, said:
GETTING OUT
(Chicago Journal.)
Ding, dong, dole.
Teddy's in a hole.
What let him in?
His trust plank was too thin.
How will he get out?
First he will write a letter insist
ing that it is someone else who is in
the hole; then he will write more let
ters explaining that what seems a
of the bottom: the thicker the bottom
is the more certainty of breakage by
this experiment. Some of these vessels.
It is stated, bare resisted tbe stroke of
a mallet given with sufficient force to
drive a nail into wood, and heavy bod
ies, such as iron, bits of wood, Jasper,
stone, etc., have been cast into them
from a height of two or three feet with
out any effect, yet a fragment of flint
not larger than a pea dropped from a
height of three Inches has made them
fly.
ELIZA WAS GENEROUS.
Har Munificent Offer For an Original
Five Act Tragedy.
People are likely to look back com
mlseratlngly upon the past in these
days of modern progress. When we
hear what the most prolific of present
day novelists receives a word and
what the weekly royalties of any well
known playwrights are we say that
the literary profession has come Into
its own. Some hark back to the con
trasting tale that Milton received!
only 5 for the first copyright of
"Paradise Lost" an epic In twelve
books containing a total of 10,565
lines, but that was over two centuries
ago- Poe received $10 for "The
Raven." That may be dismissed with
the statement that poetry never paid.
The modem way of making money
by literature la even more recent than
Is generally thought Alexander Hill
of Cincinnati, one of tbe best known
bookmen and collectors of the middle
west, has a letter in his collection of
autographs that proves this point
Twe generations ago Elisa Lugan
was a leading actress In America.
Read her letter. O budding genius on
the typewriter, and be glad that when
yon are paid it is space rates for tbe
local paper:
Tremont House, Bottom. May 17. ISi.
E. Duaaeault, Jr.. Chariest own. Mass.
lrr-l wish as origlaal fire act tragedy-
ice, Grtchell mrk
"I feel that I owe it to you to tell yu
that I am paying one of the highest
priced doctors for telling me the same
things to eat yon did two years ago.
If I had only followed your advice then
I should not have had these years of
suf erirg."
There are many who would eat the
right foods If they knew what they
were, and there are others doing bet
ter than they are themselves aware.
There are still others who would al
ways find it "too much trouble" to
cook the right foods. Of this class
would say that we could write on till
our fingers grow weary, and they may
read until their eyes grow dim, but if
it Is not with the determination of do
ing, then valuable space in newspapers
and magazines had better be used for
other subjects, not ours.
If there Is any medicinal value at all
in foods, especially so far as purify
ing the system and keeping it so, is
concerned, then every man, woman and
child should be familiar with it We
don't take our watches and open them
up to their fine, beautiful works and
poke sand, seeds and buttons into them
jand expect them to keep time for us;
but that is Just what most men, women
and children are doing to their bodies,
the most wonderful works in existence,
and then wonder why they cannot keep
well, strong and active. They imagine
they are growing old when they cannot
think and act quickly and clearly in
their business. All they need is right
food for an active liver and good di
gestion for as a man thinks and eats,
so he is.
There is no doubt in. thinking minds
today but that vegetables should play
a large part in the every-day menus.
I may work at my desk and my neigh
bor out of doors ; consequently she and
the baseball player or athlete need
more hearty vegetables, 6uch as onions,
cabbage, beets, stewed or baked beans,
thick pea, bean or lentil soup and sub
stantial steamed fruit puddings and
some pie and pastry made with a good
vegetable fat; foods, in fat, of quality
and quantity which are not digested
quickly, but have "staying" qualities.
Growing boys from 12 to 18, who are
exercising constantly in the open air,
require much the same type of food
with plenty of bread and butter with
a good sprinkling of sugar occasion
ally as a warmth and energy producer.
The man or woman doing sedentary
work requires food which will digest
more quickly and have the blood free
for the work of the brain thin cream
soups, nut loaf, salads, with all kinds
of green vegetables, rice, fruits and
light desserts.
The girl In the high school and the
mother in tbe home, generally, should
have the same as above, with added
vegetables for the mother.
The grandmother and the 4-year-old
require about' the same 'amount and
kinds of foods, plenty of eggs, light
soups, well-cooked cereals, more rice
than potatoes and stale bread or toast
with evaporated fruits.
Summing it all up, I would say, se
lect and eat the kinds of foods that
give health, strength and beauty, and
these in turn effect the mental, moral
and Intellectual side 'of our natures.
Feed the body, mind and soul and we
will then develop the highest type of
man or woman.
OF THE HOLE
hole is Just bis halo slipped down
airund his legs; then he will make a
few hundred additions to the Ananias
club; finally he will look over his list
of followers, pick out some poor devil
whom the public doesn't like, and
make that person the goat; for this is
T. R.'s regular method of procedure
when giving his celebrated imitation
of Little Johnny Stout.
the feature to be a heroti?--, myftelf the
txrsonator of it: the scene not to be laid
tn this country; the plot to be optional
with the author for which, if I like It I
will pay 15. Respectlfully,
ELIZA LOOAN.
Boston Post
American Leaf Colors.
It has been observed that the leaves
cf American trees, such as maples,
scarlet oaks and so forth, which at
home exhibit splendid colors in tbe
autumn, fall below tbelr reputation in
this regard when transplanted in Eng
land or on the continent of Europe
An English observer, who has been
studying the causes of the autumn
tints of trees, thinks the superiority
of our woodlands arises from the soft
and mild yet glowing climatic condi
tions prevailing here tn the fall. Eng
land. It is added, is rarely blessed with
an Indian summer. When the climatic
conditions permit the leaves to retain
considerable vitality in the autumn
the colored pigment is normally de
veloped; hence the glorious forests of
the United States. Chicago Record
Herald. 6he Didnt Do It
The family Jsr waxed fiercer.
"Tou talk about my being to blame
i for our marrying!" shrilly exclaimed
Mrs. Vlck-Benn. "John He -, did 1
hunt you out and then make love to
your"
"No." he snorted. "But you could
have given me the glassy eye and sent
me about my hasineas. and you didn't
do It madatB you didn't do It f Chi
cago Tribune.
Capital Punishment
"Mamma, did you love to flirt when
you were youns?"
"I am afraid I did. dear."
"And were yea ever punished for it
mamma T
"Cruelly, dear. I married your fa
ther." Parts Rlre.
Humor and
Philosophy
METHOD.
HAVE you sot your life in hand
That the movements you d treat
Of your colng-a out and In.
Making all the ends connect? s
Or are you a bit of chaff.
Juat a tool of circumstance.
As you wander In response
To thevfiokle law of chancer
Do you aay at early morn
Thua and thus the day shall be.
That along- a certain Una
Tou ahall march erect and free.
And when eventlme arrivea
Can you clear of conscience say
That you oanied out the plan
That waa laid at break of day?
No: I vary greatly fear
By the time the day la through
Tou have scarcely dona a thing
That at morn you planned to do.
As you hurried on your way
Circumstance were so strong.
So insistent and so rude.
That they carried you along.
Little method. little plan.
la there to the life we lead.
Though wo try to work them out.
It la aeldom wa succeed.
In the struggle of the day
Who Is strong enough to stand
With a purpose steadfast, strong
To the line that he has planned?
a. A 8ure Sign.
The minister was coming to dinner,
and the usual preparations bad been
made to Insure the good man a pleas
ant time. Dishes that would make the
mouth water were in tbe open, and the
best silverware was on the table.
At last the visitor came. He was
greeted by the daughter of the house,
a small girl but one big' enough to
know better.
"I knew you were coming," she said.
"And bow did you know I was com
ing?' "A little bird told me."
"What sort of a little bird?"
A chicken."
Easy.
"What did Tetterly make his money
onr
"On faith."
"Faith r
"Yes the other fellow's."
Impossible.
"Jones doesn't seem to be feeling
low this morning."
"No. Why should he?"
"Well, be was out on a spree till 3
o'clock this morning."
"Yes. and his wife blew him up
when he got home too."
A Life Long Task.
"He seems to Just enjoy being a
blamed fool."
"Who?"
"That pink voiced Paddlekins."
"Well. I like to see a man in love
with his life work."
How Ha Did It
"now did you vote. Uncle George f"
"How did I vote?" responded the old
southern darky.
"Yes, sir."
"In my mind, sah."
The Way She Fait
"Helen's going to marry Percy."
"For the love of Mike!"
'I suppose that's the reason. I can't
see any other myself."
Carving.
It's Turkey's neck the nations round
Are trying hard to land on,
Ai.d Turkey will be lucky It
It haa a leg to stand on.
Perhaps It seems a cruel thing.
But every country wanta a wing.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Lots of people get stone bruises on
their consciences traveling tbe rocky
road to fortune.
It would be something of a Jar to our
egotism if we knew the things for
which people pity us.
Borne women seem to wear their mar
tyr's crown Jauntily, as If they thought
it becoming.
Be good, but let others find It out
Don't tell t hem
Never get gay with an officer Just
after his gang has been muck raked.
Anybody can wear a campaign but
ton, but it is tbe vote that counts.
Cheer up! If your candidate didn't'
win you have plenty of time to select!
another.
The reason why women have no
sense of humor la because tbey are
slated to live with men.
Maybe be doesn't make the best use;
of them, but the man who doesn't wor -
ry conserves bis vital forces tbe long-
est .
Tou can't make everybody happy, but
If you st about It you can keep the
neighborhood amused.
His Title.
"No. I shall never marry," sighed the
aid bachelor.
Tbe spinster gazed at him scornfui-
I lw T.II tvurrAf" .hi. rkll
adelpfaia Record.
CIvfilzatlon is first and foremost
moral thine. A mlL
3p3
The Argus
A Christmas Dinner By P. A. Kitchel.
Copyrighted, ills. ty Associated Literary Bureau.
I lived, at my club, rooming ana eat
ing there, for I was a bachelor, twenty-
five years old, with no other home.
Roger was my especial waiter In the
club dining hall, and by tips and other
wise I secured his good will. One day
at noon I went Into a second class
restaurant for luncheon, and who
should step op to serve me but Roger.
He looked much put out at meeting me
there and without waiting for me to
say anything begged mebot to report
the fact to the club management, since
he was supposed to serve that Institu
tion alone. "I have a large family,"
he said, "and since the club Is up
town few members lunch there, so 1
have the noon hour to myself and can
earn something here."
I promised to keep his secret and
while lunching asked him If he earned
anything beyond what he was paid at
the club. He replied that he some
times assisted at dinner parties when
not needed at tbe club, adding: "Next
week Christmas comes, sir. There's
very few dining at the club on Christ
mas day. I'm to wait at a private
house."
My only Invitation to a Christmas
dinner was at tbe home of an aunt of
mine, an old lady, very deaf, and no
young persons In her family. I bad
made an excuse to decline it. I was
consequently one of "the few" who
would dine at the club. Tbe club
restaurant was solemn enough at any
time to its habitues, and Its loneliness
on Christmas day was enough to drive
"I WOULD LI KB TO KNOaOB TOO 1'ERMA-
NKSTI.Y
any member dining there into matri
mony with any woman short of a gor
gon. "Where are you going to wait on
Christmas, Roger?" I asked.
"At Mr. Pepper's, on Montague ave
nue, sir."
"I don't know the Peppers."
"Tbey haven't been iu tbe city long,
sir."
An idea came into my head for a
lark an expedient whereby I mlKlit
enjoy seeing persons at a Joyful Christ
mas dinner without being one of tbe
diners.
"Roger," I said, "could you get me a
Job as waiter at that dinner?"
Roger was too astounded to reply, so
I went on: "Take me with you and tell
tbein I'm a friend of yours who la anx
ious to learn bow to wait on the 'qual
ity' and you have brought me as your
assistant. Say I'm not to be paid any
thing." "Why. sir." replied Roger, "you'd
give yourself away directly."
"Not a bit of it 1 once played the
part of butler in private theatricals and
got a lot of applause. Do you think you
could manape It?"
"Of course I can take you as my as
sistant and no charge."
"Well. I'll think it over and let you
know at breakfast at the club on
Christmas morning.'"
I was not unknown In social circles;
but, these Peppers being new to tbe
city, 1 could count on their not knowing
me. Christmas morning was lowering,
and I felt that the day would be very
depressing to me. I told Roger at
breakfast that I bad decided to carry
out my scheme for waiting and, tak
ing my dinner at 5 o'clock, was ready
to go with him at 6 to Mr. Pepper's. 1
wore a discarded dress suit but rather
too good for the purpose.
Roger took me Into the bouse through
the servants' entrance in tbe rear, and
I fell to assisting in serving the dinner.
which was nearly ready. Following
Roger Into the dining room, be bearing
a tureen of soup, I a bottle of wine, we
found the hostess there, putting cards
on the plates, bearing the names of tbe
guests. She looked surprised at seeing
me. bnt Roger told her the story about
! my wishing to learn to welt under bis
snpervislon. and the lady seamed nntfo
pleased at tbe addition to the serving
force.
I
When tbe guests entered the dining 1
! room in couples I stood with my back
j to the wall, stiff as a ramrod, a napkin
! on my left arm and looking straight
! ahead of me to give the appearance of
: being there to serve and be oblivious to
all else, as a good waiter should. Until
the company were seated I kept ray
eyes fixed on tbe wall opposite, and
when I lowered them to bt-Kia my du
ties I encountered tbe gaze of a young
lady li::ed upon me. As soon as I look
ed at Ur fcbe turned her eyes la an
other direction and chatted with ber
dinner companion. I beard ber ad
dressed as Miss Phipps, and one of the
ladies spoke to her as Lucy.
Pbirinu. 1'tnnns?
Where had I beard
r i
IP
Daily Story
that name? When its owner was not
looking at me I studied her face, but
could not remember to have seen her
before. At times I was terrified lest
she suspected that I was a gentleuan,
but at others she ignored my pres
ence so completely that I felt assured
she was as much deceived as the
others, none of whom paid any more
attention to me than If I had been a
waiter all my life, a circumstance that
I did not consider flattering.
I confessed that I enjoyed that
Christmas dinner very much. I took la
all the good things that were said, and
there were a number of them, especial
ly Miss Phipps. who was remarkably
bright The only reason why I should
have liked to be one of the circle was
that I envied her dinner companion. . t
I was about to take my departure,
regretting that I could not assume my
own personality. Join the party, tell
them what fun I had had In listening
to their chat and observing tbelr man
ners, when Roger handed me some
glasses containing pousse cafe and
told me to take them into the com
pany. I told him that I thought I
wouldn't go further with the freak, but '
when he informed me that the hostess
had requested that I bring in the liquor
I concluded that it would be better to
obey the order, though I wondered why
I especially had been called upon. So
I took up the tray and proceeded to the
drawing room. I noticed as I entered
that most of tbe guests were looking
at me. Mr. Pepper, a genial man with
a bald head and mutton chop whiskers,
beckoned me to set the tray on a table
near which he was sitting and when I
had done so said to me:
"I understand from Roger that yoa
have waited on us to learn the busi
ness. I wish to say to you that you
are the best waiter I have ever seen, I
would like to engage you permanently."
There was a singular look in his
face when he said this, while the
guests ceased chattering and listened.
"Thank you, sir," I replied. "You
are very good, sir. But I don't think
I'm quite up to the work yet"
"What's your name?"
"Charles, sir."
"Do you know how to dance,
Charles?" "Dance? No, sir."
"Well, I expect you'll have to try.
There are Just fifteen ofs, and we're
going to dance the lancers. We're Just
one man short"
Every one arose, a couple of musi
cians were called In, and the men
chose tbelr partners. Miss Fhlpps was
the odd lady who was left out.
nad something occurred to reveal
my secret, or had these persons, being
short of a man to make up a set and
noticing my respectable appearance,
called roe in to help them out? I
must wait and see. I marched up to
Miss Phipps, made as awkward a bow
as I could contrive and led her on to
the floor.
In order to carry out my part as
wnlter I made no end of mistakes. 1
Invariably at "swing comers" turned
to the wrong lady and In the grand
chain got the dancers all mixed up.
For a time they refrained from laugh
ing at me, and I gathered confidence
that they were Ignorant of my Identity.
This encouraged me to make more
bluuders, and one by one they gave
way to laughter till the whole company
was in a ronr. When the dnnce waa
ended, with assumed confusion and
without taking my partner to a seat.
I was making for the door when the
host called out steruly:
"Charles!"
"Yes. sir."
"Where are you going?"
"I was going home, sir.
T have a
wife and seven small children waiting
for me, sir."
The burst of laughter that followed
this excuse removed all doubt that I
was known for what I was. Miss
Thlpps advanced and put out her band.
"You are not very complimentary,"
she said, "having once made love to
me and then forgotten me."
"I made love to you!"
ye9on the mimic stage. Some
years ago you took the part of butler
In. private theatricals, and I played
housemaid. The byplay was between
us. you trying to win me from tbe
coachman."
Then for the first time I recalled
her. Since my prank was discovered
there was nothing to do but confess,
and since the host and hostess would
not permit me to decide an invitation
to Join them in what remained of the
Christmas festivities I consented and
for the rest of the evening found my
self the center of attraction. I was
obliged to recount the circumstances
that led me to play the part of waiter
at a Christmas dinner to every one I
conversed with. Before tbe evening
was finished I voted it tbe Christmas
of my life. I made Intimate friends of
the host and hostess and retained tbe
acquaintance of nearly all tbelr guests.
When the next Christmas came round
I bad left my quarters at tbe club and
gone Into a bouse of my own. There
I entertained every one of tbe diners
I bad served the year beforr-and the
hostess on the occasion was Mrs. Lucy
Pblpps. with mine for a third name.
Nov. 29 in American
History.
17!iO Amos Bronson Alcott. educator
and author, born; died 1RS8.
1872 I!ora-e Orclcy, founder of the
New York Tribm.e. dk-d; born Feb
3. 1811.
lOOO-Rear Admiral Frederick McX.ilr,
Ir. S. V. a veteran of the civil war,
died; bora lS.':a
tlewett I expe-t to lenve footprints
on the sands of time. Jewtrtt It tsiks
sand to do it Woman's Home Com
panion. All mirt respect thoHe who resiw.ct
J themselves- Liacouatield.