Newspaper Page Text
E. E. PARMEXTER,
TTORXET AT LAW" Office in Mitchell
Lynde t new blocm.
JACKSON & HURST,
ATTORSBTB AT LAW. 0ee in Bock Island
jimconai bank Eaiidu.. Kock Island. iiL
.. W-KSBT. C.I.W1U1L
SWEEXET A WALKER,
ATTORSKTS AND COCXSELLOrlS AT LAW
Osce la Be&Keto&'a r.'ock. Hoes Island. 111.
McEMRY k McEMKV,
ATTORN SVS AT LAW Loan coney or, cood
security, make collections, Kefarsree. M:;ch
ii Lynda, backer. OSm Is PoiioSc bioca.
S. W. ODELl,
ATTORNEY AT LAW PormerlT of Port Byron,
and dortnz the past two years with the firm of
Brownine & Entr.ken at Molioe. ha now oined
mm office in the Auditorium building, room at
E. M. SALA, Mi D.
OSc orer Kreil St Math's Restaurant.
In office t mil honrs.
VTSpecial Offlce Hoars: 9 to 11 m. m., 2 to 4
ltd 7 to 8 p. m.
Tn-mmu No. IMS.
DR. CHAS. M. ROBINSON,
Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat
Office M cCnlktagh Baitding. 14 W. 3d St.
Hoor : 9 to 11 mm ; 1 to 4 pm.
DR. E. B. JOHNSTON,
Office, 223 Brady St Davenport,
(Orsm Rstsoldb & GrrromD'm.)
nrsl J Prom 9 to 11 m. m.
HOURS .. s w4 p m
Diseases of Women a Specialty.
Drs. Myers & Holderead,
Physicians and Surgeons,
Specialties Surgery tsd Diseases of Women
Corner Second avenue mnd Fifteenth street
Telephone, If 43. Office hoars evenings
Dr. Myers, from 10 to 12 mm mnd 8 to 5 pm : Sac
day it to 1 ; residence 2nd mve : telephone 1300.
Dr. Holderead. from 8 to 10 mm mnd 1 to 3 pm ;
Sunday. 8:90 to 10:8 j; residence mt office; tele
R, M. PEARCE,
Aoom S3 in Mitchell Lynde's new block.
DR. J. E. HAWTHORNE,
. Teeth extracted without pmln by the new
ethod. ,, . ,
No 1716 Second mvenue. over Krell r Math s.
DRS, B1CKEL &SCHOEMAKER
Mitchell &. Lynde'a Block. Rooms 29-31.
fTak e K1evator
Represents, amont other ilme-trted mnd wel
known Fire Insurance Companies be following:
Royal Insurance Company, of England.
Weschester Fire Ins. Company of N . Y.
BaSmlo German Ins. Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Rochester German Ins. Co., Rochester, It. Y.
Citisens Ins. Co., of Pittsburgh, Pm.
Ban Fire Office. London.
Onion Ins. Co., of California.
Secaritv In.. Co.. New H-it.h, Conn.
Milwaukee Mechanics Ins.Oo Milwaukee, Wis
Oerman lire Ins. Cow,of Peonm.IU,
Office Cor. 18th St., and Second At.
ROCK ISLAND. ILL.
J. M. BUFORD,
General . .
Tbe'old Fire and Time-tried Companies
Losses Promptly Paid.
Rates as low a any reliable company can afford.
Your Patronage is solicited.
A series of Six Cm certs will be pi Ten by
'KUr. Ullv a siwiahi x-.
Admission SO cents Lad lea accompanied with
ffentlumen free. .
Take Elm street electric cars dirct to grounds
1 B. OTTO. Manager.
ICE CREAM 7"SeVonds
By the wonderful SOUTHWORTH FREEZER,
pitented March 1893. AU kinds of lees made iu
itmiitly. The trreatest eell.ng articl- manafac
"red. Agents are selling ) per week. Price 5.
"St&XttZS? Salesmen wanted
Address TneSontbworth Freezer C. Box Sol,
Xlddletowa. N. Y.
THE EDITOR GIVES THE POSTMAS
TER FAIR WARNING.
A, Beautiful Souvenir of the Private
Graveyard. Which I Described ia Elo
quent Language by the Editor and
ICopyrisrLt. lse. by Charles B. Lewis.
It MCbT Come. We shall have to shoot
the postmaster of this town, and we t-Lall
have to shoot him stone dead. We have
ought to dcxlt'e the issue in every possible
way, but it wiil not be tlodtrcil. Two years
ai;o, when he was appointed, we stated that
he was teetotally unfit for the position and
ought to refuse it. It wasn't three months
before we had to shoot him in the shoulder
in the interests of our subscribers. Four
months later we felt it our duty to shoot
him again to expedite the mail sen-ice.
Ninety days since we got the drop on him
again, and but for his promises of reform
we should have created a vacancy in the
postal service. Saturday lat we received
a score cf complaints from subscribers re
garding the nonarrival of their papers.
The package for Lone Tree hail not reached
that office at all. Clinch Valley was six
teen papers short. Of eighteen papers sent
to Turkey Bend only eight went through.
We called at the postoffice to make our
statement and ask for an explanation, but
the postmaster refused to see us. He sent
out word that he was running that she
bang, and if we didn't like his style we
could move on to the next town. He also
added that if we came prancing around
again he should open on us through the
general delivery window with two six
Saturday evening we called a meeting at
The Kicker office, which was attended by
twenty-two of our most prominent citizens.
We made our statement of the cane, and
after considerable discussion the following
resolution was presented by Judge Baxter
and unanimously adopted:
Resolved, That it is the duty of the editor of
The Kick kr. as a man. a citizen and an editor,
to shoot the postmaster on sight.
We do not wish to rush affairs of this
kind. Sunday afternoon we sent a copy
of the resolution to the postmaster and
asked him to get his official affairs in
shape as soon as possible, and Monday
morning we telegraphed Mr. Wanamaker
that there would probably be a vacancy to
fill before the week was ended. We owe a
solemn duty to our subscribers, and we
shall not shirk it. When a person sub
scribes for The Kicker we guarantee to
get it to him regularly every week, even
if we have to clean out two or three post
offices to do it. Should the postmaster call
at this office and make reasonable excuses
and promise better things for the future
we should probably be inclined to leniency,
but if he doesn't show up within a day or
two there will either be a new editor of
this paper or a new postmaster in the
shanty on Apache avenue.
As A SotVEVlR. From and after Sept.
1 each subscriber to THE KlCKEU will re
ceive ns a souvenir a ln-autiful lithograph
6 by 12 in size, of our private graveyard by
moonliaLt. The cut herewith published
does not betrin to do the lithograph justice.
There are ten graves in all, five on each
side of the main walk. The whole lot is a
beautiful pra.-s plat, with trees, shrubs
and flowers in prof ;ision, ami a white picket
fence surrounding the rt. The total cost
np to date has leen about $1,J, but tour
ists who have traveled in every country
declare that they have seen nothing to
betrin with it. We believe there is an editor
some'-vhere in Idaho who has a private
graveyard with three graves in it, but we
have be.-n told that he killed his victims
with a pickax while they were drunk.
The lithograph represents a full moon
shining down upon our p. k. and bringing
out every detail as clearly as if seen under
the noonday sun. A sort of halo is thrown
upon each grave, and the trailing arbutus
and blossoming violets produce a softness
of detail which gres right to the heart of
the beholder. We wanted our artist to
show the figure of our esteemed contempo
rary looking over the fence a:id kicking
himself because he never shot anybody in
his life, but there was no room. The fol
lowing is the list, as printed on the back
of the souvenir:
No. 1 Had Man Johnson, from Montana,
who wanted to kill an editor on general
No. 2 Unknown pilgrim, who got two
shots at us before we could draw, but fired
No. 3 Not fully identified, but supposed
to be Sam White, of Nevada. Drew on us
because we accidentally spit on his boots
on a windy day.
No. 4 Unknown pilgrim, who threw a
rock into our lied room window at mid
night and then foolishly waited around tc
see if we were going to come out.
sjre were giving him a fatherly lecture on
the sin of loafing around he drew oa us
and got three shots the start. His identity
has not yet been established, bnt it was
ascertained that he came here from Gila
City with some rustlers.
A GRAVEYARD FAILURE.
US T tttttt " "i
No. !5 Colonel Bill Hastings, from
Scott's Valley, who called and demanded a
retraction and began shooting before we
could make it.
No. C Joe Davis, cowboy from Clinch
Valley, who took possession of our office
for about three minutes. We had a sore
finger and were rather slow that day.
No. 7 Unknown pilgrim from Scott's
Valley, who rode into town on a mule at
midnight and fired a charge of buckshot
into our bedroom. Shot all went into the
lead board above us, and while he was
waiting for returns he fell off his mule
No. 8 The Montana Terror, who was
probably hired to attempt onr assassina
tion. Our gun fouled and we bad to do a
good deal of dodging and running, but the
Terror was not a man to take advantage
of circumstances, lie had wasted eleven
shots when he quit.
No. 8 A genuine, old fashioned bad man
from the Bill Williams creek section, who
thought the country was being civilized
too fast and who objected to a published
item to the effect that this was no town
for him to prance around in. He was a
two handed shooter, and we were grazed
four times before be went hence.
No. 10 A humble and downtrodden
pilgrim whom the boys called "Oar Bir
die." He didn't appear to have the sand
of a grasshopper, but one afternoon while
Bill Did the Right Thing, bnt It WaJ
All in Vain.
When we staked out claims on China
man creek we had three camps within two
piiles of us, and every one of them had a
! graveyard. Up the creek was Hoosier
town, and it had a graveyard with five
graves in it. Down the creek was Nugget
City, and it had a graveyard with four
graves in it. Up on the side of the moun
: tain was Jimtown. and it had a graveyard
: with three graves in it. Hooeiertown felt
' justified in putting on airs over the othei
towns, while all three looked down upon
os with supreme contempt. The idea may
I' seem curious to you, but the fact was that
no mining town felt itself to be Anything
or anynxij cum it dwi a tjrae) aru. i :
known a miner to quit his claim for a week
to carve name, date and a verse on a head
board. There were about a hundred of ns in the
new town, which we called Rocky Flat, and
our feelings were awfully hurt by the way
the people of the other towns used us. The
citizens of Hoosiertown being a five grave
town were so insulting that we almost
had a riot one day. A man would come
down, look around and finally inquire of
"Excuse me, mister, but would you be
kind enough to show me your graveyard?
I understand you've got something which
take the rag off the bush, and we want to
get a pointer."
And when we had to admit that we had
nothing of the sort, being still a young and
struggling town, up would go his nose and
he would walk away as if he were the salt
of the earth and we were only dust. The
people of Nugget City and Jimtown, hav
ing fewer graves, were not quite so stuck
up, but they never came down among ns
without an effort to make ns feel small and
mean. I remember that I went tip to Jim
town one day to get a pick repaired by a
blacksmith. He looked me over for a min
ute and then asked:
"Got a graveyard ?"
"HumphI I'd like to accommodate ye,
stranger, but I've got more work on hand
than I kin possibly turn off fur the next
It's no use to say that we didn't feel cut
np and shamefaced. We weren't to blame,
of course, but it was our misfortune. One
of our gang was an old fellow who had
passed sixty and was no good except to
cook and chore around. His name was
Bill Preston, and he seemed to feel the
rr L4 I
J - , T -a ... 1
"An tot married a gal named Evangellnal
"Of co'se I did, an she is yo'r daughter."
"Does vo' lib in dat cabin jest be van da
1 brick ya'd cabin wid a pale blue front
"Waal, mebb? I decs tlisremember yo!
Let's see? Yo' dun had a leetle pa'ty at
yo'r house t'odder night?"
"Dun had ice cream an strawberries?
"Yo dun tole yo'r fadder-law to git dar
at half past S o'clock, an when he arrov
a I rj V r.'H t
HE WAS WILLING,
situation rather more keenly than any one
else. One day, after Hoo.-iertown had
put st ill another insult u pon us by refusing
to sell us any soap, old lill called a meet
ing at noon and said to the loys:
"This 'ere thing of havin no graveyard
cuts me to the quick. It's got .so that I
can't look one o' them fellers in the face
no more. Boys, I'm old and shaky and
about ready to jeg out anyhow, and I'll
tell ye what I'm willin to do. I'll ftart a
graveyard fur ye. Thar won't l but one
grave, but it'll be sumthin fur ye to start
on. I've bin thinkin it mcr, and I'm firm
ly resolved to do it. I'll be all ready fur
ye by mornin, and ineble a committee had
better lay out the ground this arternoon."
Old Bill's proposition was received with
much enthusiasm, and no one attempt ml
to dissuade him from carrying out his pur
pose. Indeed. Colonel Jones shook his hand
with great heartiness and said:
"Bill, you old cuss, yon don't amount to
shucks as a livin man, and you are doin
jest the right thing to make the boys love
ye. I'll round up yer grave with my own
hands. I will, and I'll personally see to it
that the epitaph is a buster."
That evening old Bill went around shak
ing hands and bidding folks goodby, and
we all turned in hoping for the best. It
was generally understood that he would
hang himself on a tree np the side hill, and
when daylight came everybody turned out
with his face in that direction. A rope was
dangling from a limb, but old Bill's neck
wasn't in the noose. We began an investi
gation and the result was astounding. He
had kept his word, but those Hoosiertown
chaps had somehow got onto the racket, and
after he was well hanged had come down
and stolen the body! They even had the
gall to invite us to come up and see theii
six grave burying ground and have a good
time! Poor old Bill had sacrificed himself
for the benefit of our enemies, and knowing
that luck was agin us we pulled up stakes
and went over into Cinnamon gulch and
jumped a Chinese graveyard with eleven
"plants" in it.
He Diiremcmbercd Him.
They met just at the corner of the hotel.
One was a tall, ancient looking darky,
who dragged his legs as he walked, while
the other was short and chunky and
stepped along briskly. As they met they
halted. For sixty seconds they stood and
looked at each other without a word. Then
the chunky man held out his hand and
"Uncle 'Kastus, I hain't mad at yo'!"
"Who am yo', sah?" demanded the old
man. with much dignity.
"Come, come. Uncle 'Rastus yo' knows
who I am. Let's shake hands."
"No, Bah no, sah! I nebber shake hands
wid total strangers. If I eberseen yo' befo'
I doan' disreckolect de occashun. Was yo'
from de town of Pikeville, sah?"
"Look a-heah, ole man," replied the
chunky man, who was evidently nettled
over the situation. "I want yo' to under
stand dat I has got jest as much dignity
ha yo' hast If yo' doan' want to speak, to
me I doan' want to speak to yo'!"
"Hnl Look out, nigger! I'ze powerful
bad when I'ze roused np!"
"Nigger yo'self ! If yo' wasn't my fadder-law
I'd broke yo'r chin right off!"
"Yo'r fadder-law! I dun doan' know yo',
eah! Hole on a leetlel Seems like I'd dan
heard dat bazoo befo. Was yo' a pusaoa
earned Tony White?"
"Of co'se I was."
THE MOLINE WAGON,
JUOK. OUT, X1GGER!"
oar wasnt nuffin left! Eben de plates had
bin licked off, an all he got was a banana
peelin an a glass o' buttermilk!"
"But yo' see, Misser Jackson, I dun
"Sah! Was yo' distressin yo'r remarks
toward me!' icily demanded the old man,
as he drew himself np as stiff as a tele
"Of co'se I was."
"Den yo' was dun mistaken in the rus
son, sah! We nebber met up befo'. We
doan' know each odder. Good mawnin.
stranger! If yo want to inquar' abont dis
town yo'd better ax dat gem'lan across de
road. I was werry busy dis mawnin an
hain't got time to fool with strange nig
gers!" The Railroad Sandwich.
The man looked at them heaped i:p on a
plate as he sat at the lunch counter and
"Are those sandwiches?"
"I've read of 'em. When we:: they
"In ISsO, sir."
"Twelve years ago, eh? What kind of
"Hani, sir ham about ten y. .rs old
when we put it in."'
"Was, en? Warran d to produce"
"Death, sir, and that within tweiity-fo-ir
"I see. Must le petrified by 'is time"'
"Well. I think I'll try one."
"They are not for sale, sir."
"What! pin't vou s-ll ;i.uvv; V-s
"Sometimes, sir, but .c pick, or- cus
tomers. Have you a card wit h you .
"Of course I have. There it is, and I'd
like to know"
"Sorry, sir, but I can't accommodate
you. You are the marine editor of a news
paper all rik-ht enough, but that won't go
here. We sell only to the funny man. and
ne ver two to the same man. Heller try the
fried cakes and custard pie, sir. Sorry,
sir, very sorry, but you ought to haveleen
the funny man and v ritten five or six col
umns per week on the railroad sandwich."
Mr. Chas. A". Hatter
Of Frederick, MJ., suffered terribly for over
ten years with abscesses and running sores on
his left leg. lie wasted away, grew weak and
thin, and was obliped to use a cane and crutch,
l-.vi-ry thins which could lie thought of was done
without good result, until he began taking
which offfcte.l a perfect cure. Mr. Ilnucr Is
now in the I'est ot health. Full particulars of
his case w ill b sent all who address
C. I. Hooo & Co., Lowell, Mass.
HOOD'S PlLL8 nre the beat after-dinner riua,
a&sist digestion, euro lieadiche and billonsneaa.
3 TO 6 DAYS.
r AN ABSOLUTE CURE I
WILL NOT C.AIIRP
I STRICTURE, ask for
Bio Q no pain, no stain. I
FULL INSTRUCTIONS WITH EACH J
BOTTLC AT AlL DRUGGISTS.
Central Chrmiral Co
ucaaro ana i'eorla.
T. H- THOMAS, Sole Agent,
The Great English Remedy.
Promptly and perma
nently enres all forms of
Nervous Weakne. Emis
sions. Spermatorrhea, Im
potency and all effects of
abase or execesset; been
prescribed over 35 years
in thousands of cases; is
the only reliable and hon
est medicine known; ask
drngeists for Wood't Phospbodikb; if he offers
some' worthless medicine In place o this, leave
his dishonest store, enclose price in letter, and
we will rend by retnrn mail Price, one package.
$lt six, $5; one wi'l pleae, six will enre: pam
phlet in plain sealed envelope. 9 stature; aldress
THE WOO'J CHKM'CAL CO..
181 Woodward avenue, Detroit, Mich.
Before and After.
The Moline Wagon Co.,
Manufacturers ol FARM, SPRING AND FREIGHT WAGONS
A full mnd complete line of Plmtform mnd other Spring W aeons, especially aaapteo. to the
Western trade. of superior workmanship and finish. Illustrated Price List free on
application. 8ee the HOUSE WAGON before pure has lag.
3TTry onr brand of SMOKED MEATS.
H. Treman & Sons,
All telephone orders promptly filled. Telephone Ne. 1103. 1700 Third Ave.
WE ARE ALWAYS IN" IT WITH
THE FINEST OF
Bread, Cakes, Buns and Pies
In the city.
Delivery wagons always on the road. Parties desirous of
having them stop at their residences, will please notify the
same at oar premises.
MUNROE, DeRUE & ANDERSON.
First-class Hotel and Restauran iMarket Square,'
back of Thomas' drugstore.
LUNCH COUNTER IN CONNECTION.
JSjgFGood Kooms by day or night.
UNDERBILL, & GLASS, Proprietors.
Roek Island Brass Foundry
AKD ARCHITECTURAL IRON WORK.
All kmde of bra?, brocz; and aluminum bronze casting, all shades and temper. Make
a specialty of brass metal pattern and artistic work.
SHcr and Office At 1511 First avenue, near Ferry landing, - - BOCK ISLAND.
J. MAGER, Propiietor.
SEIVERS & ANDERSON,
CONTRACTORS and BUILDERS.
All Kinds ol Carpenter "Work Done.
General Jobbing done on ehort notice and satisfaction guaranteed.
Offioe mad Skov 721 Twelfth Street. ROCK ISLAND.
A. BLACKS ALL.,
Manufacturer of all kinds of
-BOOTS AND SHOES-
(Penis' Fine Shoes a specialty . Repmirlnp done neatly mnd promptly ,
A share of your patronass respectfully solicited.
1618 Second Avenue, Rock Island, HI.
GEORGE SCHAFER, Proprietor.
1601 Second Avenue. Corner of sixteenth Btree - Opposite Harper's Theatre.
The choicest Wines, Liquors. Beer and Cit?ars always on Hand
rree Lunch Xrery Day
Sandwiches Furnished on Short Notlc
Ton can save money by trading at the Old Reliable
5 AND IO CENT STORE.
Crockery, Cutlery, Tinware, Class w? re and "Wooden
SIRS. C. MITSCH'S, 1314 Third Ave.
St-sSE3 THE POSIT! VEi CUR1 fkais
rSf - ' -, . - TT-Y BnOTlfS. s Wmrren 8U rir Tort Prion 60 ctL-S52S
ErerrMAN who would knowths RRAKnTRtrnS. thn Plain Facts. tbe
Old Secrets mnd the New DiscoTeriem of Medical Scienco as applied to
Married JJfe. should write for oar wonderful little looU.. called
-A TKEAT1SB FOB MKN ONLY." To any earnest man we will mall one
Copy bUi-cJx I"re, in plain sealed coTer. A refuse from the quacks."
THE ERIE MEDICAL CO., BUFFALO, N. Y.