Newspaper Page Text
Published Dally and Weekly at 1024 Second
Ayenaa, Soak Island, in.
! w. Potter,
Tum-Daily tOc per month; Weekly 19.00
par annum ; In advance $1 .50 .
All commnnlcst'oi. of a critical or argntnenta
tive character, political or reliirions, id net hare
real name attached for publication. No encb.
articles will be printed over fictitious signatures.
Anoymon communications not noticed.
Correspondence solicited from every township
in Rock island county.
Sat crd at, Atjgust 27. 1893.
DGHUtRATlC SATIOSAL TICKET
For President QROVER CLEVELAND
For Vice President .... A DLA t K. STEVfiNsuN
ForGovernor JOHN P. ALTGELD
For Congressman at lartfe JOHN C. BLACK
For Cong ressman at larce . A N D HEW J . HU X TE K
For Lieutenant Governor JOSKPll B GILL
For Secretary of State WM H H1NRKJHHSEN
For Auditor DAVID GORE
For Treasurer RUFUs N. HAMSEY
For Attorney General M. T. MaLONEY
For Elector, 11th Dist J H IIANKY
For State's Attorney J.McPNIRY
For Circuit Clerk PBTIfiK FKEY
For Coroner WISSLOW HOWARD
Democratic Consnressional Convention
The democratic voters in the several counties
comprising the Eleventh Congressional District
are reqnes'ea to sena delegates to a conurrcB
atonal convention to be held at Monmouth, 111.,
THURSDAY, SEPT. 1, 1893,
at 10:30 o'c'ock. a. ra.. for tha purpose of nomin
atinu a candidate for congress, a member of the
board of equalization, and to transact such other
business as may oe presentea Tor tne consiaera
tionot the convention. The several counties in
the congressional district will be entitled to a re
presentation on the basis of one delegate for every
200 votes, and one for a fraction of 100 voles or
overcast ror fcdwaru s. wnson lor state treas
urer in 18'JO, as follows :
Counties. Votes 18N0 No. Del.
Rock Island 4 91 21
Mercer ,2 008 10
Henderson 944 s
Warren S.5tt 11
Hancock - - 4.005 90
McDonougb 8.958 1
Schnylvr ...1.9S4 10
By rrder democratic congressional committee
or the Eleventh, congressional (Unmet or Illinois.
J. W. POTTEH, Chairman.
IT. C. COOK, Secretary.
Monxoctb, 111., July 9. 18SX
Democratic Senatorial Convention:
The counties of Rock Island and Henry, com
Drieincr tiie Twentv-flrst senatorial district are.
requested to send delegates to a convention to be
neia at tne court noase in tne city or hock isl
ON TUESDAY. 8EPT. S. 1S99.
at 2:30 p. m., for the purpose of nominating a
candidate for representative, appointing a sena
torial committee and transacting sncn ocner on-i-
ness as may properly come oerore tne convention.
The basis of representative will be oue dele
gate for every 200 votes or fraction thereof of 100
or over of votes cast for democratic presidential
electors in ibss, as follows:
Koca Island county.... 3, 644 voteB 18 delegates.
Henry county a,3 " 19
L. C. BlANDINO,
L. F. Dm mick.
Bock Islabd, Ills., Aug. 18, 1892.
Both Cleveland and Harrison have de
layed their letters of acceptance so long
that the awful suspicion arises that
perhaps they may decline to run at all.
Albany Argus: The disclosure that
Thomas C. Piatt has a contract for the
labor of all the convicts of Tennessee
for $100,000 a year ought to excite no
surprise. AH employers of convict la
bor are protectionists.
Bo CTree Cockran declares the nomin
ation of Cleveland has been received in a
spirit of loyalty by all elements in the
democratic party in New York state, and
Bourke Cockran knows if any man does.
We have no desire, observes the New
York World, to impair the domestic in
fluence which republican journals are
striving to win by constant reference to
Mr. Raid's dutifulness in visiting his
aged mother in this busy time, but it
certainly does seem worthy of note that
Mr. Reid returned from Paris four
The New York World' western cam
paign fund is growing rapidly. It has
now reached the $20,000 mark and i
represented by about 3,000 individual
contributions. The World expects to
double the fund by Saturday night and
to have f 30,000 subscribed by the first of
September. The contributions range
form 5 cents to $10,000 the latter sum
been subscribed by Joseph Pulitzer, the
Catarrn Cant be Cared
with local applications, as they cannot
reach the seat of the disease. Catarrh is
a blood or constitutional disease, and in
order to cure it you have to take internal
remedies. Hall's Catarrh cure is taken
internally, and acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces. Hall's Catarrh
Cure is no quack medicine. It was pre
scribed by one of the best physicians in
this country for years; and is a regular
prescription. It is composed of the best
tonics known, combined with the best
blood purifiers, acting directly on the
mucous surfaces. The perfect combina
tion of the two ingredients is what pro
daces such wonderful results in curing
catarrh. Send for testimonials free.
P. J. Cheney & Co.. Props., Toledo, O.
Sold by druggists price 75c.
Bids for the construction of the stone
portico of the new building at Augus
tana college will be received until 6
o'clock p. m.. Sept 1. The right to re
ject any or all bids is reserved.
Drawings and specifications may be
found at tho office of J. Jesjiersoa. man
ager, to whom all bids should be ad
dressed. How to Read
your doctor's prescriptions. ' Send three
2 cent stamps, to pay postage, and re.
ceive Dr. Kaufman's great treatise on
diseases; illustrated in colors; it civ
their signs and abbreviations. Addre
A. P. Ordway & Vo., Boston. Mass.
"Success depends upon the liberal pa
ronage of printing offices." Astor.
MR. AND MRS. BOWSER
THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY MAKES
It Vfsjm't Exactly What She Thought It
XVmm, and an Atmosphere of Disap
pointment on One Side and Baffled
Generosity on the Other Prevails.
Copyright, 1892, by Charles B. Lewis.
When Mr. Bowser came home the other
evening he had a package under his arm,
and as he entered the sitting room he care
fully placed it on a chair and said:
"Mrs. Bowser, no one is to put hands on
this till after dinner."
"You haven't been buying another fire
escape?" she queried.
"Never you mind," he replied, with a
chuckle of satisfaction.
"It isn't a new machine for destroying
microbes, is it?"
"I BEE, I AM AS ASS!"
"Don't you worry about microbes. No
use of your trying to guess what it is, for
yon couldn't do it in fifty years, though it's
something for you."
"That's what I said; but yon can't see
it till after dinner."
Mr. Bowser, you are awfully kind and
thoughtful! How good of you to surprise
me with a new wrap! Jugt let me see one
little corner of it."
"Not a hairbreadth!" shouted Mr. Bow
ser as he seized her and went waltzing
around the room. "It isn't a WTap, but
nevertheless I hope it will prove a pleas
ant surprise. Come on to dinner."
During the meal Mr. Bowser was so
jolly and laughed so often and so heartily
that the girl looked at Mrs. Bowser in a
puzzled way and evidently desired to warn
her that some grave calamity was about
to happen. When they had finished and
returned to the sitting room Mr. Bowser
picked up the package and said:
"Here it is, and I hope you'll feel as good
over it as I do. I've been a whole week
selecting it, but I finally got a beauty."
"You are so good!"
"Not at all. It's a husband's business to
make life pleasant for his wife, it I
wasn't so infernally busy I'd bring in a
little surprise of this kind on you every
week or two. Open the box."
"I I'm so nervous! You open it!"
"Nervous! Well, here goes. What do
you think of that?"
And Mr. Bowser tore off the paper which
concealed a bandbox, removed the cover
and held up to view a bonnet. As Mrs.
Bowser stared at it without uttering a
word, he said:
"It's a jim dandy and no mistake! I
went into a dozen different places before I
got suited. Don't she knock the socks
ofTn anything you ever had before? You'd
have gone down and spent ten days and
tried on a thousand lionnets before you
were suited, while it took me just seventy
seconds to buy this after I saw it. What's
"Then what are you turning all sorts of
colors for? Isn't she a beauty?"
xes very nice, but"
"Mrs. Bowser, what on earth is the
matter! Here's a black bonnet, beautifully
jetted, trimmed up in the brightest sort of
red, with elegant lavender ties, and it cost
me twenty-three dollars. What's wrong
"It isn't my my shape!" she stammered.
"Your shape! "What has your shape got
to do with a bonnet! Are you too fat or
"I mean the brim is too wide, and I
couldn't wear thorn colors with my com
Your complexion! What has" your
complexion got to do with a twenty-three
"And those ties! Even a colored woman
couldn't wear lavender!"
"Why, durn my buttons, I had the milli
ner to take off the other ties and put these
on, and I paid her a dollar extra to make
"Mr. BowBer, you are awfully good and
kind, but I can't wear that bonnet. I
should look like a fright in it. You see,
"I see, I am an ass, Mrs. Bowser!" he
shouted, as he waved the bonnet on high.
"So is any other husband who plans a
pleasant surprise for his wife! Here I've
run my confounded legs off and paid out
twenty-three big dollars, and you talk
about complexion and lavender and col
"Please don't be angry, Mr. Bowser.
You see no man can select a bonnet for a
lady. There has got to be harmony between"
"Harmony, eh? She's got to prance
around for two weeks and try on every
thing she sees till she can match her eye
winkers, eyebrows, the bump on her nose
and the pimple on her chin! . That's all
right! You go prance!"
"I can probably exchange"
"No, you can't! This bonnet is not one
of the exchangeable sort! There she goes
into the alley, and perhaps it will harmo
nize with the complexion of the ashcan!
When I get up another surprise for you
there will lie an earthquake under it!"
"Mr. Bowser, if you will only let me ex
plain. You see"
"That's all right all right! She didn't
match! She didn't harmonize. I was an
idiot. Nothing further need be said. You
had better put that howling young 'un to
sleep, and if any one calls I can be found
on the back veranda!"
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Editor Takes the Reader Into Bis
IT Is TltCK. A Tucson paper announces
that we are laying wires to be elected to
the next legislature, and wonders when
our ambition will be satisfied. Yes, it is
true that we arei doing some preparatory
work in the direction referred to, and we'll
bet our running mule agaipst a jackass
rabbit that we "git thar" with both feet
when the time comes. The change in us
since we struck this town three years ago
Is perfectly amazing. Then we'd have
been overjoyed to shovel sand at a dollar a
day, and we had no ambition and no nerve.
As we began to climb our ambition began
to canter alongside, and at the present
date we'd feel perfectly at home in the
White House. We shall take a whirl at
the legislature, probably as senator, sim
ply to get the sand out of our hair for the
governorship. We feel that we have a call
in that direction. We are not exactly like
other editors in this glorious section of the
country. We are not hampered by native
modesty nor chained down by diffidence.
When we feel our ambition surging to
burst its bounds we let her loose with a
yell and bring up a peg or two higher.
Rather Embarrassing. On calling at
the residence of Widow Jenner the other
evening, as we had been invited to do, we
found eleven men in the house and three
on the doorsteps. All single and all there
to court her with a view to matrimony.
The widow is neither handsome nor rich.
but at least twenty men are ready and
anxious to wed her. While we are not one
of the crowd, it still makes it rather em
barrassing for ns to call and find so many
lovesick people lollypopping about.
In this connection we again call the at
tention of eastern women to the great and
pressing need of this Section. We want
wives. We want 'em badly. This county
alone would cheerfully embrace 800 mar
riageable females and make wives of 'em
wit hin two days. We don't ask for heiresses
nor beauties. W e don t bar the redheaded
nor cross eyed, and we shan't be too partic
ular about age, though perhaps none over
fifty should come. To settle up this great
territory there must be at least 50,000 more
homes. They can't be made without wives.
The section of country Immediately around
this town is now given up to the coyote, the
jackass rabbit and the cactus, but if 400
women were to pour in here tomorrow to
become brides no man would know the
country a year hence. We believe that a
public meeting should be called to take ac
tion in the matter, and The Kicker stands
ready to subscribe $500 toward any fund
which may be established in connection
with the project.
Sudden Death. Sunday evening, while
we were at church and in our place as lead
er of the choir, Joe Small, the half breed
whose tricky characteristics have won him
a very unsavory reputation, broke into our
barn, took out our running mule and head
ed for the Little Colorado river, where he
is said to have relatives. Our marine editor,
who also does dramatic and state news and
acts as foreman of the composing room.
happened to see Joe as he rode away. In
stead of coming to church and calling us
out and breaking up the singing he sent
word around to a few of the boys, and in
the course of twenty minutes a party of a
dozen well armed men were hot on the fel
low's trail. He could have kept ahead of
LEFT TO KEFLECT.
the crowd if he hadn't tried a short cut.
Our mule bucked at a dry ditch, and before
Joe could send him over the boys were up.
His plea was temporary insanity, but it
didn't work. The boys conducted him to a
tree just to the left of the crossing at Plum
creek, and after allowing him ten minutes
in which to arrange his earthly affairs he
was pulled up to a limb and left to reflect
on the vanities of life.
We here take occasion to thank the gen
tlemen who so nobly and promptly re
sponded to the call of our marine editor,
and shall stand ready to reciprocate the
favor whenever the signal comes. The
coroner rode out with a jury next day and
held an inquest, and the verdict wm the
usual one died of noncirculation of the
He Wua the Old Yahoo.
There were six or eight of us in the smok
ing car, and the conversation somehow
turned to the subject of marriage. At that
one of the crowd spoke up and said:
"There's a bridal couple in the next car
back, and it's enough to disgust everybody
to see how silly the groom behaves. He's
an old yahoo sixty yeurs old, and it's prob
ably his second wife."
"Yes, I saw him holdingher hand, added a
second. If I don't exhibit more Fense than
that at his uge I hope somebody will brain
me with a fence rail! The woman can't be
over thirty-five and has probably married
him for his property. I tell you, gentle-
HE STARTED FOR THE OTHER CAR.
men, there ought to be a law bearing on
such things. There ought to be a law to
send that old Joshua to prison for a year
for even thinking of marriage. It's no
wonder that society is what it is in this
"Is the bride good looking?" queried
the man who was smoking a Wheeling
"Naw! Nose turns up, face all freckles
and her teeth hang out to the weather!"
"Gentlemen, kin any of you loan me a
lead pencil?" asked an old chap across the
aisle, who was smoking a clay pipe.
He was handed one and he wrote for
three or four minutes in an old memoran
dum book, tore out a leaf and as he started
for the other car the leaf was handed to
the man who had opened the conversation.
He had written:
"First I am the old yahoo referred to."
"Second I am not sixty, but sixty-five."
"Third It's not my second, but waf
"Fourth Bride hain't pnrty, but awful
"Fifth Didn't marry me for m y property,
fur I hain't got any. I married her fur luv
and an 80-acre farm."
"Sixth Yes; I held her hand and Til do
It agin, and don't you forgit It!"
"Seventh The hull blamed crowd of ye
kin go to Halifax and be hanged to ye!"
Licking- the Editor.
On the second day of my stay In the town
I hunted up the printing office to pay my
respects to the editor of the only weekly in
the village. I found him to be a small,
stoop shouldered man, whose face hadn't
a grain of "sand" in it. As I knew the
population to be rather rough, I wondered
to myself how he managed when he had a
caller who demanded satisfaction. He
hadn't a weapon of any sort lying about,
nor had he provided a back door through
which he might fly if there was any pros
pect of a fuss. We were talking in a gen
eral way when I heard a yell at the foot of
the stairs and the noise of heavy feet ascend
ing. The editor heard it, too, and he
knocked on a door dividing his sanctum
Into two rooms and said:
"Hannah, get ready for bnsinessl"
BAKGED HIM AGAXXST THE STOVE.
Next moment a man entered with a copy
f the paper in his hand and yelled out:
Whar in Texas is the bloody hyena who
runs this infernal dishrag?"
"My friend, did you come to subscribe to
The Banner?" softly inquired the editor.
"Subscribe to nothing! I came here to
give somebody an all-fired licking for lying
"Yes I see. Don't want any job work?"
"Job blazes! I tell you I'm going to pul
verize the editor of this paper for lying
about me! Whar is he?"
"Won't an apology in the next issue do?"
"Not much! No man can insult me and
then crawl out of it! Trot out the editor
and let me lam him!"
"Hannah!" called the editor. "Hannah,
you'll have to step out. Sorry to interrupt
yon, but this gentleman is very aggres
sive," The door of the other room opened and a
woman six feet high and as broad shoul
dered as a man came out. She had on eye
glasses, but she removed them, spat on her
hands and sailed for the caller without a
word. She banged him against the wall,
banged him against the stove, seized and
whirled him about, and as he faced the
stairs she gave him a kick which lifted his
heels off the floor and jumped him down
three steps. He went clattering down
without a word, and when he had disap
peared she nodded to me and re-entered
"My sister and also the editor of my re
ligious department!" explained the editor
in his soft and gentle way; and the inci
dent was not even referred to again during
my call. M. QUAD.
Tuesdays, Aug. 30th, and Sept. 27th.
1892. the C. M. & St P. Railway will
sell harvest excursion tickets to points in
Iowa, Minnesota and Dakota for one fare
for round trip. Tickets are toofi for re
turn 20 days from date of sale. No stop
over permitted on these tickets.
E. D. W. Holmes. Agent.
Joseph Rubv.of Columbia. Pa , suffer
ed from birth with scrofula humor, till be
was perfectly cured by Iiom's Sarsa
TO THE AFFLi
frqio early indiscretion
Why pay bhx foes to qunclrs when the t-.
medical treutmi'i.tctin be had for rc:i. -i
able price of The lVriK'hemlcn! Co.. r--
Preq from the prescriptions of Ir. , m
iams,a physician fir world-wine rer '
YflllUR I1CU Butlcrlnrf from SerMn-.:
I UUnO lYlCr! and Nerrciiu !...,, .
Lose of Memory. Desnondencr. etc
a early Indiscretions or othor causes; also
who experienne a wonknem
tnadvanceof their years. Ki,l
ney and Bladder troubles, etc., will find our Method
of Treatment a Safe, Certain and Speedy CURB.
Crifltlll DAvTII I CC Experience proves that in
dL.Min.HL IHOI ILLLO, ternnl medicines aloa. will
Iwho has ni . special attention to these
til sen-sea for many years, prescribes Semi
nal Pastilles which act directly noon the
diseased organ. and restore viRor better
than Stomach Medicines, aa they are not
changed bythefrnstric Juice and require no
change of dietorinterrupUonlnbuatness.
HOME TREATMENT fmtolldays'
Costing from SH.AutoliUtfl nserl with un
,. . fallinrsueecBsforover thirty yearr i.Tr
Williams' private practice. Give them a trial.
NPFniFIr Un HI lorthcKldneysandBluddercnrai
wi lvii iw IiUiOI recent cases In one to four day.
IITRIUP CIITDPPUIP Sure Cure for all forms o.
WCnlnX CUIntrnlb Female Weakness, etc.
Call or write for Catjilocmnn.nd Infcimixtjnnhiifr
CousulUne others. Address
. THE CHEMICAL CO.,
'89 Wisconsin Stkeet. Milwaukee, HI
Rock Island and Burlington
TBI-WEEKLY PACKET CO.
rL .... ill 1
f un lmnwinil.'
"3" '-.. - " -
W. A. BLAIR, Master.
LON BRTSON, Clerk.
Will leave Rock Island
Every Monday. Wednesday and Friday
t5p.ni, ror Muscat me. Keiths bnrg,
Burlington and all interme
Xncal natronaee solicited. Fcr Information
apply to GEO. L.AMONT, Agt.
You tsime v!?y 'Ti5 SaTA Clu5?,
The HEASort's pLAid lnope,
As GOOD SaITNICK'S ItiE f A$OFq-E SlKf,
- af t
oo rps te rAP
O i Hit
I I if -
Kickapoo Indian Medicine Co,;
They are coming to Rock Island with their Grand
Free Indian Exhibition, Concert and
War Songs, War Dances
Scalp Dance, Buffalo Dances,
The Ghost Dance, and the Greatest of all
the SUN and TORTURE Dances.
Grand Balloon Ascension
FREE TO ALL. THREE WEEKS,
Wednesday, August 24th,
Gorner Twenty-eighth street and Fifth and-a-half
J. B. ZIMMER,
-THE WELL KNOWN-
and Leader in Styles and workmanship, has received
his FALL STOCK of Suitings and Overcoatings.
ISCall and leave your order.
Star Block Opposite Habpkb House.
J. T. DIXON,
And Dealer in Men's Fine Woolens.
1706 Second Avenue.
1803 Second Avenue.
OHAS, D ANNA CHER,
Proprietor of the Brady Street
Ail fcnds of Cat Flowers constantly on hand.
-Green Honaea Flower Stor
One block north of Central Park, the largest 1" la. 304 Brady Street. DaTinport, Iowa.
B. F. DeGEAR,
Contractor and Builder,
Office and Shop Corner Seventeenth St. . .
nd Sere nth Arenue,
All kind of carpenter work a ipeclsjty. Plana and estimates for all kinds of bnlldlan
rumlahed on application.
HarlllOOD RESTORED lpjp$&s
trn taaraitM to care all nrrroii diseases iifch a? WV "v-TTi
Lo of Urain I'ow-r. Headache. W . k r 1 . . . I . . u Jf "A.?""r'
aarous a after csixo.
yti.ns. RerToune..Ui!.iiule, all drains and loss of power of tb Uenerativ
(iriiang In either sex cause I b;oTrri.rui i - ...
use of -tobacco, opium ..r stimulants which soon lead to InamMtr- Consume
Gforfo. Ulth eTeryf. orHerwe gix a n'rn wrii.rlr curs
aire h? mni!
or-TOunu mcTiumry. circular iree. riureuAcn Meed o.. ( blruco. Ill
FVr oite in Rack island bv Hartz & Bahnseri. 3d Aveand 20th Ptreet.
QavenPrt Business College,
COMPLETE IN ALL. DEPARTMENTS.
FOR CATALOGUE ADDRESS
J. C. DUNCAN, Proprietor. .