THE ARGUE?, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14, 1893.
if AT. H -W m
v . r-7ir rue-
"-5 IANERICAM PRESS ASS
Ill MA PECEIVKS HIM.
i-M' 10 cents' worth of saffron,
. the bad buy to tlie grocery
i'. itww in the grocery on a gallop
w. morning with no collar on and
j,. looked as though he had been
,., Cr.t of bed in a hurry ami had
,, ii i'.ito his pants and boots and put
' ,-f,.it and hat on the run.
il. i.'t'Kei p saffron," said the grocery
a- he pil led np a barrel of ax han
.'l,, l,ov had tippcil over in his hurry.
vvant to pi over to the drug store
i, rurin -r if yo" want saffron. But
t tariH is tlie mat"
ti point the boy shot out of the
li-.pin-' over a basket of white
'. and iii-ap'H areii in the drug store.
'.'rf.,"t ry man g"t down on his knees
. .;,'...v.-i!k and scooped up t lie lieans,
,:av Lmting over to the drug
just as lie got ineni pieicpu
ani'- out of the drugstore and
d.-lil nit'.'ly toward hi home, as
i;-r- was no particular hurry.
. . i.i - i.
..,,, , r. tiiali looiieo auer nun, iook
,:. tit li iMille, spit on his hands and
.n1, ;.i the Im.v to come over pretty
. wanted to talk with him.
, v 1I..I ii"t coiiie to the grocery till
,!'! 'ru'nt. but the grtH-ery man had
i in niniiiiig di'wn town a dozen
i!-.r;n the d.iy. and once he roiie
. ;t .. 1 oi . with the doctor, and the
. . . .Mil vi ,1 what was the trouble.
-.. i: 1 nih: the 1kv came in i:; a
;, . -. ;: i t a tin d way. sat down 0:1
i ; . ! .-'.u-ii' and i'cvi r spoke
Wi. .: ! it a boy or girl':" said the
. - : ,.: i. wi!:!:tv-';!t an o!.i ladv wi;!i
i ad who was trying
ovi i a pi!rle-r of yeast
m$m w mctp,
bSy's Pa vith cheese and sattron and a
number of such t hinge.
'Oh, Pa will pull through. He want
ed to boss tlie whole concern until Ma's
chum, an old woman that takes snuff,
fired him out into the hall. Pa sat there
on my hand sled a perfect picture of de
spair, and I thought it would be a kind
ness to pli y in on him. I found the cat
asleep in the bathroom, and I rolled the
cat up in a shawl and brought it out to
Pa- and to d him the nurse wanted him
to hold tlie baby. It seemed to do Fa
good to fed that lie was indispensable
around th s house, and he took the cat on
his lap as tenderly as you ever saw a
mother lu Id her infant. Well. I got in
tlie back ball, whore he couldn't see me,
and pretty so;.:- t cut began to wake up
and stretch l:ii:i-.-if, ami Pa said 'S-h-h.
tootsy: go t. sleep now and let its Pa
hold it." ami 1'a he rocked back and forth
on the hard i-led and began to sing 'By,
low. baby ' That settled it with the cat.
!:n iv anyt hue: j
Me lit and wi:
a. li a s;irl,
..1 - -iioi:::)i."
; cat p;.:y;n
i; . i u
on ! no
('. :.'t 1 bail al out it," said the
31..:;. man as he opened the door for
jf .,; l:f. Such tilings are bound to
,)jr:r. hit you take my word for it. that
ri::..- :.e is going to have a hard life
al-. vu mend your ways. You will
tyr.si!;g it for a cork to a jug or to wad a
A: with i he tirt thing your Ma knows."
f I wouldn't touch the darn thing with
te'ig-. .-aid the boy as he rallied
to tat some crackers and cheese.
:h ti.i-1 iieese tastes good. I hain't
r.; tiling to eat since morning. I
t i' n aii over this town trolling for
-. Tiny think a boy hasn't got anv
'. Da! I wouldn't care a goldarii
rn bi t been sending me for n. u
j."ii.r.i:e and hay fever stuff all
vh U she walltfd to get rid of
l. '.v.. o.nii' into tlie room lots of
. .. !t M.i and the sewing girl were
: - me t!arm 1 things, and Ma
.' ;i;i'!n in a basket and send me
: n:i me. 1 was deceived tip to
' i-k this looming, when 1'a
feolll and pulled lue out of
-' 'Mr eii the west side after
i wuiiiati that knew Ma, and they
: ! tie whooping ever since. What
i a Ley want of a sister unless it is a
:r: don t want no sister that I
P't to told and rock and hold a
:V V. r. This affair breaks me all np,"
' '-'"' picked the cheese out of his
J.!iTr:tii a sliver he cut from the coun
'1"','' 1:'AV lloos "our ra tac it?"
-:! :Lc m.'cery man as ho charged the
:ny way. an
get our of t
an. ii;ni. i'V
Pa veil. .; '
ir.i va- i
v. st with i.
i'.i I i! nv r
does V. llel. 1
foofyo; iji, ti slit jt luiir."
ime -.its can't stand music
1 the move the cat want d to
a- shawl tin- louder Pa sung,
i I: ard Mine thing rip. ;;nil
e.,t. ! r, h; lite;' nil, when i
must go una" see it he and the cat have
And the boy went out and put a paper
6ign in front of tho store:
: LEAVE YOt'R MEASURE :
! FOR SAFFRON TEA. :
THE BABY AND THE GOAT.
""Well, how is the baby?" asked the
grocery man of the bad boy as he came
into the grocery smelling' very "horsy"
and sat down on the chair with the back
gone and looked very tired.
"Oh, dam the baby! Everybody asks
me about the baby, as though it was
mine. I don't pny no attention ' to tho
darn thing, except to notice the foolish
ness going on around the house. Say, I
gness that baby will grow np to be a
fire engine. The nurse coupled the baby
onto a section of rubber hose that runs
down into a bottle of milk, and it began
to get up steam, and pretty soon the
milk began to disappear, just like the
water does when a tire engine ,couples
on to a hydrant. Pa calls the baby 'Old
No. 2.' I am 'No. 1,' and if Pa had a book
and ladder truck and a hose cart and a
fire gong he would imagiue he was chief
engineerof the fire department. Butthe
baby kicks on this milk wagon milk and
howls like a dog that's got lost.
"The doctor told Pa the best thing he
could do was to get a goat, but Pa said
since we nishiated him into the Masons
with the goat he wouldn't have a goat
around no how. The doc told Pa tho
other kind of a goat I think it was a
Samantha goat he said wouldn't kick
with its head, and Pa sent me up into
the Polack settlement to see if I couldn't
borry a milk goat for a few weeks. I
got a woman to lend us her goat till the
baby got big enough to chew beef for
f 1 a week and paid $1 in advance, and
Pa went up in the evening to help me
get the goat. Well, it was the .Wildest
mistake you ever see. There was two
goats so near alike you could not tell
which was the goat we leased, and the
other goat was the chuui of our goat,
but it belonged to a Xirish woman. We
got a bed cord hitched around the Xirish
goat, and that goat didn't recognize the
lease, and when we tried to jerk it along
itrared right up and made things real
quick for Pa. I don't know what there
is about a goat that makes it get so
ovni r of the bail 1 !,
hisself against Pa'.
nails and yowling.
the !o! and began to !..'';
;or a! .1 r IP;.- the mii.is.i i
gets i x. iie.l in dMir.-h.Mi.'
then Pa p. eked tip the si. ,', and se.-nv ..
to be looking for ine or the cat. but both
of us was i fV'.-.l ;-eave. Don't you t'ninic
there are i'.::cs when hoys and cats
kind of tew ari.iniil th. ir acciistoim i"
haunts? Pa don't look s- though he w: r
very smait. but he can hold a cat abmii
as well as the next man. But I iimsorrv
for Ma. Sin- was just getting ready
go to Floi ida tor her neuralgia, and this
will put a stop to it. Yans she has to
stay and take care of that young one.
"Pa says I will have a nice time this
summer pushing the baby wagon. By
the great, lorn spoons, th. re has got to 1
a dividii!-. line somewhere bet ween busi
ness am! i leasure. and I strike the line at
winding i baby. I had rather catch a
String of -torch than to wheel all the ba
bies ever was'. Tin y needn't procure no
baby on my account, if ir i? to amuse
me. 1 di n't e why babies can't be
tawed off onto j " opie that need them in
their business. Our tolks don't need a
baby any more than you need a safe,
and there are people just suffering for
babies, r ay, how would it be to take the
baby som i night and leave it on some
bachelor".' doorstep? If it had been a
bicycle o- a breechloading shotgun, I
wouldn't have cared. But a baby! Bah!
It makes mo tired. I'd nither have a
prize package. Well, I'm sorry Pa al
lowed mo to come home after be drove
me away last week. I guess all he want-
I ed me to come back for was to humiliate
me ana send me oij crroitus. Well. I
o man can afford to have a sick Wife or
Daughter, nor, in such times as these,
A Lig Doetor bill. Zoa Phora curea
the sickness, eaves tha bills.
What is the condition of ours? Is vour hatr dry,
harsh, brittle? Does it split at the ends? Mas it a
lifeless appearance? Does it fall out when combed or
brushed ? Is it full of dandru f ? Does your scalp itch ? ?
Is it dry or in a heated condition ? If these are some of
your symptoms be warned in time oryou will become bald.
ASkookumRoot Hair Grower 2
I f , hr j I ' whaf you ofl. Itn production in not an accident, but tb rwnlt of elMitino !
. . V tW . - m I l'rtn h. K tww1jx1- 1-1 f t lis rinn.ci.il -f i hn hmp and araln thn riicenr. r
"v "t tanwtotrrat them. "Miooltum "co italni neither mmeralBDor oflg. It J
is not a Dye. but a delightfully ck .Iidz and refreshing Tonic By stimulating
t!caJ C"'' uli"'U Uutr, cure dunUruJJ' and grots hair oit baid m
, f Ect the icaln c1.in. hculthr. and free from IrrllatlnK emntlonn, liy "J
tne u4 of &kOKum &xtn ouo. ItUt-siroys itarastfio tntfccU, uhch tea on Z
and tlcrtm, ii,r hfiir. tr
It your urui;iiiKt cannot iiiprW yon wt 1 direct to n. nd w will forward a
prepn..! .11 recviptot ifitc. "brower. ii.Alfccr UitUe; 6 tot fiM. boap.SUu.
5 inr f -.'.au. D
THE SKOOKUfl ROOT HAIR GROWER
"Where dirt gathers, waste rules.-
GREAT SAVING RESULTS FROM THE USE OF
"Oh, it lammed him.'"
spunky, but that poat peeme. to have a
grudge against Pa from tlie first. If
there were any places on Pa's manly
form that the goat did not explore with
bis head, Ta don't know where tho
"Oh, it lammed him, and when I laffed
Pa got mad. I told him every man ought
to furnish his own goats wheu he had a
baby, and I let go the rope and started
off, and Pa said he knew how it was, I
wanted him to get killed. It wasn't that,
but I saw the Xirish woman that owned
the goat coming around the corner of the
house with a cistern pole. Just as Pa
was getting the goat out nf the gate the
goat got crossways of the gate, and Pa
yanked and doubled the goat right up,
and I thought he had broke the goat's
neck, and the woman thought so, too, for
she jabbed Pa with the cistern pole just
below the belt, and she tried toget a holu
on Pa's hair, but he had her there. No
woman can get the advantage of Pa that
way, 'cause Ma lias tried it. Well, Pa
explained it to the woman, and she let
Pa off if he would pay her $2 for dam
ages to her goat, and he paid it, and then
we took the nannygoat, and it went
right along with us. But I have got my
opinion of a baby that will drink goat's
milk. Gosh, . it is "like this stuff that
conies in a spoiled cocoanut.
"The baby hasn't done anything but
blat since the nurse coupled" it onto tho
goat hydrant. I had to take all my play
things out of the baseinmt to keep the
goat from eating them. I gno-s the mil;;
will taste of powder and singed hair now.
The goat, got to eating some ronmn can
dles nie mid my chum had laid :iway in
the coal bin and chew, d them nrouml t!io
furnace, and tlie powder leaked out, and
h coal fell out of the furnace cm tlie
hearth, and you'd 'a' die d to s. e Pa and
the hired girl mid the goat. You see. Pa
can't milk nothing but a milk wagon,
and he got the hired girl to milk the
goat, and they were just hunting around
tho basement for the goat with a tin cup
when the fireworks went off. Well,
there was balls of green and red and blue
fire and spilled powder blazed up, and
tho goat just looked astonished and
looked on as though it was sorry so much
good fodder was spoiled, but when its
hair began to burn the goat gave one
snort and went between Pa and the hired
girl like it was shot out of a cannon, and
it knocked Pa over a wash boiler into the
roal bin and the hired girl in among the
kiiidling wood, and she crossed herself
and repeated tlie catekism, and the goat
jnmiied up on the brick furnace, and
they conldn't get it down.
"I beard the celebration and went
down and took Pa by the pants and
pulled him out of the coal bin, and he
said he would surrender and plead
guilty of being the biggest fool in Mil
waukee. I pulled the kindling wood off
the hired girl, and then she got mad and
said she would milk the goat or die. Oh,
that girl has got sand. She used to work
in tlie glass factory. Well, sir, it was a
sight worth 2 shillings admission to 6ee
that hired girl get upon a stepladder to
milk that goat on top of the furnace,
with Pa sitting on a barrel of potatoes
bossin? the iob. They are coine $x
a gangplank to get the goat down off
the furnace. The baby kicked on the I
milk last night. I guess besides tasting
of powder and burnt hair the milk was
too warm on account of the furnace.
Pa has got to grow a new lot of hair on
that goat or the woman won't take it
back. She don't want no bald goat
Well, they can run the baby and goat to
suit themselves, 'cause I have resigned.
I have gone into business. Don't yon
smell anything that would lead yon to
surmise that I had gone into business?
No drug store this time," and the boy
got up and put his thumbs in the arm
holes of his vest and looked proud.
"Oh, I don't know as I smell anything
except the faint odor of a horse blanket.
What you gone into anyway?" and the
grocery man put the wrapping paper un
der the counter and put the red chalk in
his pocket so the boy conldn't write any
sign to hang np outside.
"You hit it the first time. J have ac
cepted a sitnation of teller in a livery
stable," said the boy as he searched
around for the barrel of cut sugar which
had been removed.
"Teller in a livery stable! Well, that
is a new one on me. What is a teller in
a livery stable?" and the grocery man
looked pleased and pointed the boy to a
barrel of 7-cent sugar.
"Don't you know what a teller is in a
livery stable? It is the same as a teller
in a bank. I have to grease the harness,
oil the buggies and curry off the horses,
and when a man comes in to hire a horse
I have to go down to the saloon and tell
the livery man. That's what a teller is.
I like the teller part of it, but greasing
harness is a little too rich for my blood;
but the livery man says if I stick to it I
will bo governor some day, 'cause most
all tlie great men have begun life taking
care of horses. It all depends on my girl
whether I stick or not. If she bikes the
smell of horses, I shall be a statesman,
but if she objects to it and sticks up her
nose I shall not yearn to be governor at
the expense of my girl. It beats all,
don't it, that wimmen settle every great
question. Everybody docs everything to
please wiminen. and if they kick on any
thing that settles it. But I must go and
umpire that game between Pa and the
hired girl and the goat. Say, can't you
come over and see the baby? 'Tain't big
ger than a small satchel," and the boy
waited till the gr.x-ery man went todraw
some vinegar, when he slipped out and
put up a sign written on a shingle with
YELLOW SAM) WANTK1)
Co be e n dim d.
A New Theory of Sleep.
Some discussion has been going on
concerning Herr Eoseubaum's recently
proposed theory of sleep namely, that
the ana-niic condition of the brain is due
to an excess of water in the brain cells
of that body. The supposition, as stated,
is that sleep is essentially a matter of
nervous action, and the direct cause is
thought to be fatigue of the nerve cells
which communicate with the heart and
bring about some change in the circula
tion. The nerve cells are thus supposed
to Vie full of water when sleep dimes on,
and this water during sleep passes into
the venous blood as waste, and the nerve
cells then receive nourishment from
fresh arterial blood. Then when the proc
ess is entirely over the sleeper awakes.
According to this theory, sleep is not
Eolely healthy because it rests the body
and brain, but r.lso because it invigor
ates them. It is also to be inferred
from Koseiibamn's theory that the nerve
cells and brains of infants v.-ho sleep so
much must contain more water than is
to lie found in those of adults, and that
the effectiveness of brain cells is in in
verse ratio to the water contents. New
Morie. of Circat Luck.
Captain Ben Ferguson, collector on the
ferryboat Hite, is always reminiscent.
The other day the captain said to me:
"You seldom hear of a man making
$90,000 in one night in these days, but I
know of such an instance. Mr. Cole
man, who ran a foundry ou Washington
street, near Brook, did it. In relating it
to me he exhibited no delight whatever.
His words wore: 'Captain, I made $90,
000 last night; went to lied carTyand
slept soundly. You know the price of
iron went up. and fortunately I had
enough on hand, which I had purchased
at a low figure, to net me a fortune.' As
Captain Ferguson concluded the story
he told another of how Dennis Long
made fc'MU'Oj because the price of iron
dropped out of sight. It was just at a
time when Mr. Long had failed in busi
ness and told Captain Ferguson that he
was Kn. nio ia debt.
"Well," said thecaptain, "DeuuisLong
went np to Indianapolis to bid on the
construction of the city waterworks.
There was but one other bidder, and
Mr. Long w:i; awarded the contract.
Not long afier iron legan fluctuating,
nnd Long's estimate having been made
on the basis ttiat iron would advance
still more in price, it already being high
at the time, he of course found that as
it decreased he v.-as reaping a golden
harvest. Well, iron went down and
down. When it stopped, it was worth
hardly anything. Mr. Long, as I said,
made f2tK,000 by this, and he's been
making money ever since." Louisville
Tbrashed a Han Twice His Bizs.
The other day a email, harmless looking man
entered a New York street car, and accidentally
trod on Hie toes of a big ix-footer. He apolo
Kteed. but Hie six-fooU-r waen't eatisfied. He
talked for some time, and finally invited the lit
tle man to leave the car and settle tho natter on
the sidewalk. Greatly to his astonishment, the
hitter accented. Those who witnessed the con
test gay that it didn't last lonf , but that the big
fellow bad to be carried home in an ambulance,
while his diminutive antagonist walked away
with a cheerful smile. And go it is with Dr.
Pierce' Pleasaut Peilcts. They're not half u
big as most of their rivals, but they do' their work
quietly and tuarontihly. For sick headache, bil
iousness, constipation, dyspepsia, etc., there is
nothing like them. They are the only liver pills
absolutely sold on trial 1 Your money back, if
they don't give sat isf action 1 ?.
i v i
Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants
and Children. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Narcotic suhstancn. It is a harmless substitute
for Paregoric, Drops, Soothing; Syrups, and Castor Oil.
It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years' use by
Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays
feverishness. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd,
cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
teething troubles, cures constipation and flatulency.
Castoria assimilates the food, regulates the stomach
and bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas
toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend.
" Castoria is an excellent medicine for chil
dren. Mothers have repeatedly told me of its
pood effect upon their children.'
Dr. G. C. Osgood,
Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which I em acquainted. I hope the day ia not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
interest of their children, and use Castoria in
stead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby sending
them to premature graves."
Dr. J. F. EikcbetiOb,
" Castoria is so well adapted to children tlunV
I recommend it as superior to any prescription
known to me,"
H. A. Archer, H.
Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, N. T.
" Our physicians in the children's depart
ment have spoken highly of their experi
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only have among er
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that u
merits of Castoria has won us to took wtta
favor upon it."
United Hospital ni Dispehsar.
Allen C. Smith, Pre.,
The Centaur Company, 77 Murray Street, New York City.
THE MOLINE WAGON,
Tlie Moline Wagon Co.
Manufacturers ol FARM, SPRING AND FREIGHT WAGONS
A roll and complete line of Platform and other Spring W aeons, especially adapted to the
'Vetera trade, of superior workmanship and finish tllnatrated Price Last free on
vi'iication. See the MOLIKB WAGON before purchasing.
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Steam Fitting,
A complete line of Pipe, Braes Goods, Packing Hose,
Fire Brick Etc. Largest nd best equipped
establishment west of Chicago.
DAVIS bL.uijii. Moline, HI j 112. 114 West Seventeenth st
Telephone 2053. j Telephone 1148. Eockialmi
Residence TeleDhone 1169
Evc?ry thing in the line of spring vehicles, and; the
largest assortment of
Harness, Laprobes, Whips, Etc.
Mason's Carriage Works,
East Fourth Street. - - DAVENPORT, IO Wa.
B. F. DeGEAR,
Contractor and Builder.
Oflice and Shop 225 EigliteeiithoStrcet
ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
a-AU kinds of Carpenter work a specialty. Plans and etimatcalfor aUIkinds of buildlnea
famished on application. fa
Carpenter and Builder,
OFFICE, NOr282lrSIXTH AVENUE,
Shop on Vine Street
BOCK ISLAND, ILL,
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