’ WINDY
L WOLF
SAYS
First, let me say it’s leap year!
Frank Coyle tells me it happened
on the Egg Harbor road one night
last week.
The long, lean, black roadster
cut through the night. In it were
a man and a maid. He drove.
She nestled close to him, her arm
about him, her fragrant hair
brushing his cheek.
Her voice: “Roger dear, I love
you. Will you marry me?”
The car came to a dead stop.
His voice: “Why, Ethel! The
very idea of such a thing.”
Her grip on him became more
deadly.
Her voice: “But I thought
that you cared for me just a lit
tle bit. Come on, promise me.”
His voice: “You must give me
time to think it over, Ethel; but
I am afraid that mother would
never consent.”
Her voice (as she draws away
from him) is hard and cold:
“Then get out of my car and
walk back, you good for nothing
flirt.”
* * *
Knowledge is power, but a man
doesn’t feel any stronger when
he gets the information that his
bank account is overdrawn, sighs
Arthur Griswold Walker.
* * •
Former Mayor Brehman had a
rather exciting experience on a
recent hunting trip. For two
hours he had trolled in vain. In
desperation he turned to the
shore for the last time. Scarcely
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had he started to pull in his line
when—tug, a huge fish swallowed
his hook. The whole boat lurched.
For two hours they fought, the
fish and the man. He pulled this
way and that; the fish ran to the
north, south, east and under
neath. It was terrific. The man’s
arms tired rapidly, when he
looked up and perceived an
island close by. “Ha!” said he,
triumphantly, and managed to
get on shore, where he tied the
fish to a huge oak tree.
“I shall come back in the morn
ing after him.”
The next morning he went
back. The fish had pulled the
island a mile to the northwest.
* * *
Freddie Eisler says if girls say
what they think, we’d hear some
thing like this:
“Why, of course I don’t want
to stay at home this evening,
George. Doesn’t it ever occur
to you to buy any theatre tick
ets?”
“Well, you are without a doubt
the worst dancer I’ve had this
evening. What school of danc
ing do you follow?”
“My dear girl, straighten that
headdress of yours. It’s been
crooked all evening and it looks
terrible!”
"This candy you brought is
rather stale, Dick. Next time
try Mrs. Snyder’s, even though it
costs a little more.”
“Now, Alice, you know you
have no idea of ever coming over
to see me. You’ve been coming
for the last two years.”
“Say, Casper, please ring off.
I don’t know why you insist on
these endless telephone conversa
tions every evening.”
“Edgar, please don’t sing
again. I hate to tell you, but 1
guess I must. You 'haven’t got
a voice.”
* * *
Speaking of bathing in famous
springs, said the tramp to the
tourist, I bathed in the spring
of ’86.
* * *
Mrs. Hopkins testifies, from a
long and diligent attendance at
the movies, that she has commit
ted to memory the following ax
ioms of life: That the prodigal
cannot return, except through a
terrific storm, probably snow;
that succor for the distressed can
not arrive until the fifty-ninth |
second of the sixtieth minute of
Walter T. Margerum
PLUMBING AND HEATING j
Jobbing a Specialty
17 SO. VICTORIA AVE.
Phone—Neptune 76-J
IT PAYS WHEN
BUILDING
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To choose your own con
tractor, but to insist that he
USE
MURTLAND MATERIALS
John Murtland, Inc.
209 N. Arkansas Ave.
Sole Distributor* of Nationally Famous Builders’ Supplies
MURTLAND MATERIALS
“The Life Insurance of the Home"
Marine 2204 and 464S
in # |
Send the Bride an Electrical Present
Get it from
L. L. JONES Company
Dependable lighting Contractors
1019-1021 Atlantic Ave. [
the eleventh hour, and that a
bandage around the head is the
badge of a convalescent, no mat
ter what the accident or illness
may have been.
* * *
It isn’t so much fun to picnic
in the country nowadays, because
of the scenery left by other pic
nic parties.
“I’m doing ponjola bobbing—
do I need an occupation license?”
queries the feminine voice over
the telephone to the City Clerk
at Ventnor, according to Charlie
Repetto.
“No, ma’am, barber shops don’t
need occupation licenses,” was
the milk retort of the clerk as he
scratched his bald head.
“Say, I’d like to get my Hands
on your hair—if I wouldn’t give
it a pull—I’m not running a
barber shop, this is a beauty par
lor.”
“I haven’t got any hair—I’m
bald,” said the clerk.
“I thought so,” was the scorn
ful reply as the receiver was
hung up.
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The Montrealer
Through Service between
Philadelphia and Montreal
via Hell Gate Bridge Route
Beginning Sunday, June 15, a new international through train service
will be inaugurated to and from Montreal, Canada, via New York
City, the Hell Gate Bridge and the Connecticut River Valley.
This through service will be operated on the following schedule:
THE MONTREALER
DAILY
Leave West Philadelphia (Pennsylvania Railroad) - 5.11 P.
Leave North Philadelphia .... 5,21 P.
Leave Trenton ------ 5.57 P.
Arrive New York (Pennsylvania Station) - - 7.15 P.
Leave New York (Penna.Sta.,N.Y. N.H.& H.R.R.) 7.30 P.
Arrive Bria'geport ------ 9.05 P.
Arrive New Haven ----- 9.30 P.
Arrive Meriden ------ 10.04 P.
Arrive Hartford ------ 10.30 P.
Arrive Springfield ------ 11.15 P.
Arrive Northampton (B. & M. R. R.) - -dll.54 P.
Arrive Brattleboro ----- 1.09 A.
Arrive St. Albana (Central Vt. Ry.) - - - 6.05 A.
Arrive Montreal (Canadian National Railways) - 8.05 A.
Arrive
Montreal -
9.25 A. M.
»2.40 P. M.
S2ZSSE22S2SSSS
THE WASHINGTONIAN
(Begin* running June IS)
Lear* Quabae
Arrive Montreal -
DAILY
1.20 P. M.
0.05 P. M.
lIU*
Montreal (Canadian National Railw
St. Albans (Central Vt. “
.Central Vt. Rjr.) -
Leave Springfield (N. Y. N. H. & H. L L)
Leave Hartford - . . •
Leave Meriden • > ■ ■
Leave New Haven - - > ■
Leave Bridgeport - • > .
Arrive New York (Pennsylvania Station)
Leave New York (Penna. Station* Panne.
Arrive Trenton • -
Arrive North Philadelphia
Arrive West Philadelphia
ya)
R.)
8.15 P. M.
10.10 P. M.
5.05 A. M.
5.41 A. M.
5.07 A. M.
0.41 A. M.
7.05 A. M.
8.40 A. M.
0.05 A. M.
10.25 A. M.
11.02 A. M.
11.23 A. M.
d” Stops to discharge passengers. “r” On Sundays arrives Quebec 4.40 P. M.
Through Sleeping Cars and Coaches between Philadelphia and Montreal
Through Sle p ng Cars between Philadelphia and Quebec
Through Parlor Cars between Philadelphia and Springfield, Mass.
Dining Car Service
The inauguration of this through service will greatly facilitate travel between
the cities of the Middle Atlantic States and Montreal, Quebec, Ottawa and
eastern Canada. Good connections will be made in Montreal for Ottawa, and
at Quebec for the Northern Resorts.
This will constitute the only direct
all-rail through service to and from the
Metropolis of Canada, making the
Summer Resorts of the Province of
Quebec more accessible, and bringing
into still closer relationship the people
of the two great American Countries
HELL GATE BRIDGE
Th« connecting link in all-rail wrric* between the Middle AU—Hl
Statee and New England and Canada
For detailed information, fares and Pullman reservations apply to Ticket Agent* or
JAS. S. MURPHY, Division Passenger Agent,
Telephone Marine 4607 1303 Pacific Avenue, Atlantic Gty, N. J.
Pennsylvania Railroad System
The Standard Railroad of the World