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“Papa, is there really honor among thieves?” i "No, Mary. Thieves are just as bad as other people.” —Oregon Orange Owl. Dear Editor: Last Thursday I lost a cold watch which I valued very highly, as it was an heirloom. I im mediately inserted an advertise ment in your Lost and Found column, and waited. Yesterday I went home and found the watch in the pocket of my other suit. God bless your paper! —Carnegie Puppet. Brown arrived home at three A. M. When he reached the front door he found a burglar jimmying it. “Wait a minute, old man," said Brown. “Let's strike a bargain. I’ll open the door if you will go in first.” —Oregon Orange Owl. ■%:X. ' He: The Lord created man, didn't he? Prof.: Yes, why ask such a (juestion ? He: Well, why did he let us pick our own teeth then? —Wash. Cougar's raw. 'KrX Cyril; What sise shoe do you wear? Gwendolyn: Well, four is my size, but I wear sevens because fours hurt my feet so. —Pf. I. T, Voodoo. Bride: I want a pound of mincemeat—please take it from a nice young mince. —BuckneU Belle Hop. -n.-X A pun is a joke at which izverv one groans, because they didn't think of it first. —Wisconsin Octopus. An old black man who had 5petit many years in a wheel chair wanted to go on one last coon hunt before be died. So he and his grandchil dren, accompanied by several dogs, started out. Hardly had they pcnclrated the swamps when they met a bear. All turned tail and ran, leaving poor Grandpap to his fate. 1 As they came panting into the yard they called, “Oh, Mammy, Mammy, Grandpap done got ct up by a b’ar.” “Foolishmcnt what yo’ speaks, chillen. Yo’ Grandpap done enme in ten minutes ago wid dc dogs!” —Dartmouth Jack o’Lantcru. An egotist is one who, reading a book and not understanding something in it, decides il is a misprint. —Goblirt. Wealth has wings, but it doesn't have any tail that you can put salt on. ■ —Nebraska Atcgwan. Fair one (tourist who is shav ing outside of his lent): Do you always shave outside? Tourist: Certainly! Do you think I’m fur-lined? —Northwestern Purple. Parrot. -itS There are two sides to every question—her side and the wrong side. —Missouri Outlaw. Eat. drink and be merry—and you’ll soon be drunk. —Cornell Widow.- - THE BESTwCOMEDY IN AMERICA ©, 1927, by Collegiate World Publishing Co. In arrangement with ( osnins Newspaper Syndicate. Inc. SUPER-COURTESY — Yale Record. \n? ( Soph: Have you rvcr heard of Ihc Scsqui-Ccntcnnial? Fresh: No. What’s the name of it? Soph: What ? Fresh: What did you say? Soph: ] didn't say anything. Fresh: Oh. I didn’t hear you. —Carolina Buccaneer. jf/' Cin: In that death scene of mine I moved them all to tears. Emma; Yes, they knew you v.-erc only playing dead. —Denison Flamingo. I..AST REQUESTS totb Century: Leave me if you must, bul spare our family honor! 2cth Century: Leave rne tomor row. but leave rne plenty of ali mony. —C a !i/o n::a /'c!ica tt. Prof: Ami did 1 make myself plain? Frosh: No, God did that. —('incinvati Cynic. Bane: Wouldn't your mother l»f' shocked if she saw you in that bathing suit? Slam: She sure would. It's hers. *■ -—Cornell Widow. “I can’t swim.” ‘Why?” “I ain’t in the wafer.” —Ala. Rammer Jammer. You can't rob a man of pride. If he has nothing else to boact about, he will boast that lie wears thp same weight underwear all year. —G'Grady's Gnat. Si Brown .stood on (hr corner of the main street in the busy city and.gazed .with open-mouthed as tonishment at the stream of ve hicles moving past. Finally he turned lo his companion and said in an awed voice: “Tee-rusalcm. Hiram, they shore are behind with their haulin', ain't they?” — KUmas Sour Owl. a r. Me: Do you know what they call lemons in Sioux City? She: -No, what? lie: Lemons! —Iowa Frivol. If. my son. a woman values your caresses above an unwrinJvlcd ball gown, she loves you. — M. 1. T. Voodoo. Hones, like co-eds, are man’s dumb friends. - Wisconsin Octopus. %. r The wheels of time grind slowly, but not so with a taximeter. —Colorado IPod* A freshman kicked a football through the window of a senior's room. He turned and started run ning. but the senior collared him. “You broke my window, did you not?” roared the irate senior. “Yes. sir.*’ said the fresh, “and I 3m running towards my hall to get money to pay for if.” —Noire Dame Jugglrr. OBuTHE. MORGUE Nurse';. .What'can be done.with the by-products of gasoline? Interne: Usually they are'taken to the hospital. .—Kansas ,Sour_Owl. Mug: Look atT the’condition that woman is in! Jug: Is that a condition? I thought it was a limousine. —Iowa Frivol.\ Mrs.: Look here, Mary. I can write my name in the dust on this chest.. JIary: Gawsh. there's nothing like eddication, is there, ma’m? —Green Coal. "For ten rounds they stood and traded socks.” “Well, well—must have been fraternity brothers." —Stanford Chaparral. Ari: Yes. sir. I had an ulcer all last year. El: 1 used to have one of those overcoats too. —Cincinnati Cynic. “The baby swallowed a bottle of ink!" "Incredible!" “No. Indelible!" —Cornell Widow. One of my best friends was dis cussing his roommate. He said, "Fred is one of those fellows who would hold the lamp while his mother chopped the wood.” —Grinncll ilaltfaser. “Stylcplus, my boy, how would you like to ride in an niryplane?" "I wooden lak it a-tall. It’s de ‘Terra-Firma’ for me, tin’ de firmer dc groun' de lesser de terror." —M. 1. T. Voodoo A man isn't married more than a week until his wife seeM just like one of the family. —V. of Wash. Columni. 1 rushed breathlessly into Neigh bor Brown's apartment. “Brown," I panted, “your wife just eloped with the saxophone player who lives next door.” (Pause.) “You don't seem ex cited.” “No. there’s no reason to be. We stood the saxophone groaning as long as we could. This morn ing the wife and I tossed to see who should get rid of him. She lost.” —Cornell Widow. “How arc you coming along will your reducing?” “I guess I must be one of thost poor losers.” ' —Northwestern Purple Parrot. -s.-« Proud Father: I understand, son. your school now boasts of a glee dub. The Son: No, sir, we don’t boast of it. —Scream, “Did you ever let a man kiss you?" “No, only a couple of college boys.” , —Grinned Unlteaser. Pretty Girl: I live at 515 East Fourth Street—now don’t you dare follow me. —Wash. Coupar’s Pea*. “Don't you think that Words worth was right when he said ‘Heaven lies about us in our in fancy’?” “Sure, but he forgot to add that everybody lies about us in out maturity.” —/lienors Siren. Powerless to Resist Sweep of Avalanche There were several destructive j avalanches in the St. Gut hard re- I gion in 1935. when the railway was j damaged at several points, and I many peasants and workmen were ' killed. Hut one rainy Sunday in ; September, 43 years ago, 100 per sons perished when a large portion of the Plattenbergkopf split off and slid down on the village of Elm. Early in the day great boulders began to come crushing down with disturbing frequency, and quite a number of men were out watching them. Suddenly they saw a whole cliff sway and topple over. Seven teen minutes later another cliff fell, and, to their horror, the doomed villagers saw that, the mountain had been thus undermined and was poised over thin air far above them. I Four minutes later it fell, shattered j into millions of fragments, and came sliding down at terrific speed. Through the village went the uvn- j lanche, across the tranquil mead- i ows of the valley, and up the op- I posite mountainside for a couplp j of hundred feet, when it diverged ; right and left, like the wash of n : spent wave, for many hundred I yards. i Douglas Fir Entirely. j Distinct Tree Species | The Douglas fir. a native of the ! > Northwest but now being planted j extensively in the Mast. Is beconi- j ing a popular Christmas tree, ac- j cording to the American Forestry j association. The species was i named for a Scotch botanist, who | discovered it on an expedition in I 1825. but its scientific name is psen- 1 dotsuga. meaning “false hemlock.” i As a matter of fact, it is neither a : hemlock nor a fir, and. though it is ! sometimes called n spruce, it isn't that, either. The tree belongs to an entirely distinct species. The j tree most commonly used for j Christmas trees is a real fir—the j balsam, so called because its blis ter-like po< kets" yield the resinous liquid known as Canada balsam, which is used among other things for attaching cover plates to micro scopic slides. Didn’t Hatch A school teacher relates that she was giving her small pupils a les son on birds, and after telling about the hatching of the eggs, the care of the mother bird and the first lessons in flying, she said: “Now, children, I am the mother bird and you are the little birds nestled in your cozy nest. I waut you all to spread your wings and fly away.” Each child, waving arms to the music she beat, skipped to the dressing room, with the exception of one little fellow who remained motionless in his seat. Turning to him she said: “Donald, why didn’t you flv away with all the other lit tle birds?’* “’Cause.” come the prompt aud unexpected reply, “ ’Cause I was a bad egg.**—Boston Transcript Make your wants known * —"Where i« your doll, dear?” asked the family visitor. "Oil," said the infant calmly, "the boy next door has the custody of the doll and I'm awarded throe lolli pops a week alimony.”—American Legion Monthly. —llo was a loyal little fellow and he wouldn’t let anything said against his parents; go unchalleng ed. One Sunday afternoon a boy friend said: Listen to your father snoring.” "Dad isul snoring," was the indignant, reply. "He’s dream in# about a dog, an’ I hat’s the dog 1 growlin'."—Pathfinder. | —“I wish 1 had money enough to get married.” Jim remarked. Katherine looked down and blush ed. “And—what—would—you—do?” she asked, looking very hard at. the carpet. “I would spend it traveling," I Jim replied.—Pennsylvania Punch L»owl. • —Unfortmmtely those accidents j that happen in the best regulated families are not always covered by | insurance. You Can Buy LUMBER At Almost Any Price. ' Hut you cannot buy Quality Lumber —the only lumber you can afford to use to build your home—for any less than we are selling it. Get our prices, and REMEMBER-WE GUARANTEE THE QUALITY. Lake & Risley Co. Yr "What do you think of Iho attacks on George Washington ?’* "They show wiiut a great man tlcor;;o was," answered Senator Sorghum. "Most of our heroes receive* pro- ' - • • I *2 | funetory eulogies. fieorpe is one . j ol‘ the lew still considered worthy 1! i o!' beiup attacked.” , % ! < ooooooooooooooc^ooooooo<xy^oooooc^oooooooyx>ooooct! 1 < NortSifield Baking Company --SPECIALTIES—* Home-Made, Layer,Fruit, Pound Cake —AT YOUR DEALER'S - r: ^300000<x/000c00c000000000000c0<xx>00000000000000c> Phone 914 Wilson & Helfrich Plumbing and heatlxig QUAKER HEATERS SOLD and INSTALLED 110 S. MAIN STREET PLEASANTVILI.E, N. J. PRESTON II o I) A M 0 N 1 n SHINGLES Put on over your old roof—NOW , Call, write, or phone u.-i at lMeasantvillo .'MO, and wc will send our representative to (jive you an estimate. Time Payments if you wish South Jersey Asphalt Roofing Co Mill Road and Shore Fast Line Northfield, New Jersey awsm&’&WsW&’SOTOT CARPENTERS’BUILDING & LOAN ASS N .‘I NEW SERIES ISSUED JANUARY and JULY Everybody Invited to Subscribe. Fixed Premium on Loans. January Shares Now Ready. Meets First Wednesday Evening Each-Month at | THE PLEAS ANTVILLE NATIONAL BANK Fruit of the Tree Probably there is no-build ing material more universally used than lumber. As a fruit of the trees of this earth, the building material which shelters us ranks with the food that nourishes us. Like all fruit, some is good for one purpose. Another kind is needed (or a different purpose. It, must be eared for. It must be used in the right way. Lumber Our Specialty Our business is the buying of lumber in large quantities in order to serve those of you who wish to use it. It is our business to know what kind" arc the hC3t for every purpose. It is our business to care for it to the best of our ability while it passes from tree to you. Most of all it is our duty to see that you get the lumber best suited to your needs at a price that is fair. We are trying to live up to these ideals in daily practice. Come to us for CLARK LUMBER CO. Phone 287 ^ Pleasantville, N. J. v