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Stringing Her —Lemon Punch. A man was held up by two thugs who had to put up a terrible fight In order to get their victim under control. Finally, after a bloody fight the robbers got their man down and searched him. They found only twenty-five cents in his pockets. “Say, what’s the idea,” cried one of the thieves, after they allowed the fellow to get up, “of putting up such a tight for a mere two bits? You nearly had us both licked. Now beat it. But before you go, tell us why you fought to protect twenty-five cents.” “Well,” said the victim, “I was afraid you were going to find the I500 I have hidden in my sock." —Okla. Whirl wind. “Liza, let’s me and you get mar ked.” “Gwan, black trash. If you is gonna be crazy, be a kleptomaniac B«d jesp* pay.” —Okla. \V klrlwmd. 1J5S W*B know that the bicy clists at the theater this week bad been arrested?” “Mmmmm, what for?” •fedelmg without a license.” —Green Goat. It is better to have loved and lost . . . much better. —Cincinnati Cynic. “What became of the hired hand you got from the city?” “He used to be a chauffeur, and be crawled under a mule to see why it didn't go.” —Mugwump. (. ic, A WAIjO.i One of the members of.our new est class was taking advantage of one of the low rate photographers that abide around the city. The photographer was concerned about making as much profit from the deal as he possibly could and asked the customer: “Well, my man, will you have this mounted or plain?” "Say,” exclaimed the frosh in some heat, “I’ve been called a farmer by dozens of fellows, but you’re the first who ever mistook me for a cowboy.” —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. i 'vr ' “Silly idea, that, putting shoe polish in collapsible lubes.” "How so?” "They can’l fool anyone that way; I knew the difference the minute I got the bally stuff on my beard.” —Dartmouth Jack o’l.ontern. He: It's wonderful how my hair parts exactly in the middle. She: Yes, on dead center, as it were. —Cornell Widow. Kind Old Fellow: Don’t worry, little flapper, you're not any worse than your grandmother was. Flapper: Yes! That’s what makes me so furious. —like knell Belle Hop. 'Sr* Even if they wiped liquor from the face of the earth some fellow would try to buy the privilege of wringing but the towels. —Arizona Kiitykat. r “Why didn't you get vour trous-^ ers pressed?” ”1 couldn’t." “Why?” “Weil, every place I’d come to would have a sign, saying. 'Trous ers Pressed Inside.’ ” “Well?” “I wanted mine pressed on the outside." -~HP< omin Octopus. “I wish -every year had three hundred and sixty-five days of rest.” “Are you mad? Then we would have to work a day every fourth year.” —V. oI S. Cali!. Wampus. -s>r. “Aha, my dear Nincompoop, there are a tremendous number of casualties I see by the paper.” "Forsooth, my dear Iggledeboo boo. arid what paper?” ' F-gad, the fly |>aper." —Rice Owl. “That bull kicked me right in the pants," sobbed the prolessor, rubbing ilia chest. —O'Grad/s Goat. \ - - “Is it a sin to be pleased when a man says I'm pretty?" “Sure it’s no sin, but it’s a terrible responsibility for the man," —Collin. IN' THE LIBRARY Young Nouveau to Servant: One thing more—my mother wants bookworms sprinkled through all there volumes. We've just built art old family mansion. She wants eventhing in keeping. — Yale Record. “Those Kansas cyclones must he terrible/’ “(i wan, down in Florida the wind was. so strong it blew out the fuses.” —A'utre Dame Juggler. • "I'm getting so I can't sleep for love of you,” he said earnestly. “Let’s get married.” “Why?” she asked breathlessly. “So ] can sleep.” —Amherst Lord Jeff. “Haw. haw. haw. That joke you pulled wasn't so dusty/’ “Not a bit it was dirty ” —Wisconsin Octopus. INTERLUDE ZOOLOGIQUE The scene is a saloon. Two Irishmen are in the- saloon drink ing and conversing. Suddenly a large insect scurries across the polished surface of the bar. ' Faith, an’ did ye see the beetle?” asked Pat (the first Irish man). ^ “Sure, an’ that was no beetle at all; a cockroach it was.” re plied Hike (the second Irishman), i The two disputed amicably for a while without reaching a decision, and finally put the question in the * hands ol the bartender, one Tim by name. "Whisht now. ' yez is both wrong!” announced the latter triumphantly; “'twas a ladybug.” “Hegorra, Tim," exclaimed Pat and Mike together. "I wish to heaven I had your eyesight." — Dartmouth .lath v'Lantern. Post: That sergeant of mine ought to be hung! Helium: Not hung, my boy, hanged. "Hung, I say; hanging is too good for him!" —A’ebraska Awtwan. '»>»■ Prof: Where did the word ex aggerate originate? Cub student: In a newspaper office. —OMa. Whirlwind. One can forgive people their vir tues if their vices are sufficiently attractive. — Wisconsin Octopus. '. eaaft. “Where d’ja stay at Lake Chautauqua?” “At the Belvedere.” “I stayed at the Belva once, too.” ■Denison Flamingo. Cactus Dill: Air you the fre h young feller what sold me this stall yesterday arid said it was tooth paste? Clerk: Yes, sir. Cactus Bill: Well, 1 tried fer half an hour this morning, and I’ll be denied if it would make my teeth stick in. —Si an ford ('ha panal. Newsboy: Extra: extra paper! Passerby: All right, if you have an extra one. VII take it—thanks. —Wisconsin Octopus. My girl dresses to please herself she says. Well, it doesn’t take much to please her. —Ala. Rammer-Jammer. Joe College: I want to buy something—you know, the sort of thing lhat will make people turn around to look at me when 1 wear it on the street. Wise Clerk: Ah. yes—yes, second aisle over—pajamas. —Ncrthu'estnn Purple Parrot, ^r. “I want some winter under wear.” “How long?” “How long? I don’t want to rent Vm; I want to buy Vtm.” —Iowa I'rivol. “Cive me a sentence with the word vermin” "Before 1 go fish in’, I go ver min.” —Annapolis Log. Sheba: Sheik: JP'HI Do you ever walk in your sleep at night? No; I’ve never been asleep at night. "Pardon me, I'm a little deaf." ' "That’s all right; I’m a little Bohemian.” ~U. of S. Calif. Warn pm. A great commotion was heard in the darkness below. Rough noises, stamping of feet, scraping and bumping of furniture on a polished floor. A stifled voice, then a shout. “There's a man in the house. There’s a man in the house. I tell you!" The lights were switched on, but only the son of the house hold was to be seen below in the dimly lighted hallway. An elderly woman crying: "Are you hurt, my boy. are you hurt?” "No, Mother." as he gently gath ered her in his arms. The father, weapon drawn, shouting: “Where * is the man? Where is the man?” "Here." called the boy. “To night's my twenty-first birthday.” 1 —.Vorth western Pur pit Parrot. 'SNft A young husband came home one evening to find his wife sew ing some dainty little clothes. • “My dear, why. didn’t you tell me?"' . j. "Don’t be- silly,” she replied. "This is a new dinner gown." —iSee Owl. “So you think you know u much about iL as the coach. How do you figure that?" "Well, he just said himself that it was impossible for him to teach me anything.” —Okla. Whirlwind. Drowning Man: Help! Aid! Succor! 1 can’t swim! Absent-minded Prof: That’s nothing. I can’t play the bass viola. •Illinois Siren. Hit Opportunity Lott The small boy'll ad received many presents ou Ids birthday, but the best of all—a real watering can— arrived Just as he was going to bed, and despite bis tears and protests, the owner of this treasure was told that he could not use it till next morning. Soon after dawn Ids mother heard howls of anguish from the garden, and, looking out, she dis covered that these came from her small son, who stood in a drenching rain clad only in his nightshirt grasping the cherished can in his hand. “What on earth Is the matter?’* demanded the anxious mother. “Oh, oh, oil!” wailed the disap pointed one. “I did so want to wa ter the garden, and now God’s been and done it!" Good Money in Whaling The Vastfold district of Norway, where many of the old Vikings bad their homes,- is still the recruiting region of one of I lie most roman tic callings of modern times—whale hunting. Leaving their small farms in the care of wives and children, the men set out for south Georgia and the Ross sea in September and return#at the beginning of the fol lowing summer. The Norwegian whale bunting fleet numbers about 20 ships and employs 4,000 men. The work is very hard, but is ex traordinarily well paid, every man receiving a royalty from the catch. Some men average $0,000 a year, and the ablest, after years of good service, is trusted with the har pooning. Model of the Firmament A model of the heavens, which Is remarkable In a meat many ways, and which was constructed in Ber lin some time ago. is about to make a tour of the world and will be shown In all the large cities. The spectators outer a large dome shaped concrete building which Is unliglued. Suddenly thousands of glltterlug stars appear in what seems to be. I he infinite sky. More marvelous, suns and planets begin their majestic march across ihe heavens. In a few moments intri cate celestial motions are revealed so simple that you, who perhaps never huve opened an astronomy book, can understand mysteries of the universe that puzzled scientists lor centuries. Lifting Machines Old Idea Lifting machines wltli pulleys, , ropes and winding drums, are as 9 old as Archimedes, B. C. They were used in the Coliseum in Rome*. In the Middle ages for military purposes; and the germ of the Modem elevator is in the drawings of tiie universal inventor, Leonardo da Vinci, and in Agrieola. But the earliest known primitive passenger elevator is that In the convent of St. Catherine, on Mount Sinai, it was worked by a capstan, and car ried both people and stores to the tipper floors, to be safe from the desert robbers. Make your wants known M" • Insufficient Evidence. — I An Irish witness was lining ex amined as to his knowledge of a I shooting affair. “Did yon see the j shot, fired?'lfe1 ho Judge asked. “No, jsorr; I only hoard it,’’ was the eva sive reply. “The evidence is not satisfactory,” replied the Judge, sternly. The witness turned to leave the hox and directly his hack was turned he laughed derisively. The Judge, indignant at this con tempt of court, called him back and asked him how ho dared to laugh in Court. “Did you see me laugh, Your Honor?” queried the offender. “No; sir, but I heard you,” was the irate reply. “That evidence is not satisfactory,” said Pat. And this time everylxjdy laughed. Pathfind er. _- .n i —An Albanian brigand lias been sentenced to 11550 years in prison. Hut it is said that he hopes by good conduct to cut his term in half.—-Cleveland Plain Dealer. You Can Buy LUMBER At Almost Any Price. But you cannot liny Quality Lumber —the only lumber-you can afford to use to build your home—for any less than we are selling it. Get our prices, and REMEMBER-WE GUARANTEE THE QUALITY. Lake & Risley Co. —Jeffrey—So your son has been injured and is coming homo from college? I’ripgs- Yes, he sprained his ukulele linger. -Detroit News. Due of the tilings that mir,ht he included in iliai I' S. radio con irol hill is to limit the time used up by announcers. 8 Mi '-BUY— VI NortMieSd Baking Company --SPECIALTIES— ! Home-Made, Layer, Fruit, Found Cake —AT YOUR DEALER’S— OOOCOGOOOOOOOOOOOOGOOOOQOocooocooooooooooocooocoo<, Phone 914 — Wilson & Heffrich Plumbing and heath.g QUAKER HEATERS SOLI) and INSTALLED 110 S. MAIN STREET PLEAS A NT VILLE, N. J. P R E S T O N H ! E I I X i o n A M 0 IN 1 n Put on over your old roof—NOW Call, write, nr phone us at Ploasantvillfl and we will send our representative to jrivo you an c-.lincite. Time Payments if you wish South Jersey Asphalt Roofing Co Mill Ko:nl and Shore Las! Line Northfiehl, New Jersey 4 MOW SERIES ISSUED JANUARY and JULY Everybody Invited to Subscribe. Fixed Premium on Loans. • • i January Shares Now Ready. j Moots First Wednesday Evening j Each Month at ! *L. THE PLEASANTVILLE NATIONAL BANK l ^<y(<%>wy wy(v4*^v*4>*<pw<»w4>vvv4»^4*"vv%»vvv4>'* n»w4»w4»v«V^ v'r «<& - w '•' <v (' 4» v 4>w 4*'' 4»" 4*y <ir' 4»^ ★ ^ 4* * ♦ v —j Beauty and Utility A fence crm be a thing of beauty as well as a protection. Your home surroundings help to make your home. I You can select fencing here that reflects your ideals of home building. Or it it is rugged strength that you wish find it here in our ex tensive stock. Sturdy Fence Posts After all wood is truly the I natural as well as t he economical 1 fence material. Quality and designs II have improved with the years but the y basic material holds its own. I < )ur fence post s especially— the | backbone of .any fe.net—are sturdy D yet inconspicuous. They will !in«l favor with fl you. Come u;sd see. Come to us fur I