Myrtle was afraid. She jvas
bitten by icy fear. Cold shivers
ran up and down her charmingly
rounded vertebrae. It was not
physical fear. It was simply. that
she had failed. She thought of
the day, only three weeks back,
when she and Tom had become
' one. What faith he had had in
her! What implicit trust in her
ability to remove the least bit of
dust from his pipe stand, to know
what to do if he came home even
■ the least bit liquorish! To him she
had been the Minerva of the
Household—no culinary crisis was
too much for her. He knew it, he
felt it—and now she would have
to tell him. Something was hap
pening for which she had no
remedy. . . . Each day the
iceman freshly filled the ice box,
and she did not know what to do
twith the stale ice.
x —Vassar Vagabond.
Fair One (to escorting Mr.
Urown): Isn’t it funny—that
famous man’s name is Brown, too!
Is he related to you?
Mr. Brown: Well, not directly,
but indirectly he is—you see he is
''famous, too.
; —Carnegie Puppet.
-Ss®
U’ College Man: I’ve got a slick
' , 5°b with the electric company.
Another Lpafer: What doin’?
$ C. M.: I go around with the
Jfboy who reads the meters. I oil
'em so they’ll run faster.
—U. of S. Calif. Wampus
' "Yeh,” moaned the old-timer
dining in a restaurant, “yeh, this
is a spring chicken all right. I
Just bit into one of the springs.”
—Kansas Sour Owl.
“Will you have some pie a la
mode?”
“No, thanks. I’ll take mine,
with ice cream on it.”
—Crimson Colt.'
Officer: What do you mean by
going sixty miles an hour through
this town?
Husband: Why you—*—f—*
Wife (helpfully): Don’t pay
any attention to him, officer. He’s
intoxicated.
—Brown Jug.
Doodle: I wonder if Tom loves
me?
■ Decdoo: Of course, mon ami.
Why should he make you an ex
ception?
—Bison.
First Stude: Do you believe in
necking?
Second: Why, of course not.
First: Neither do I, you liar.
—Green Goat.
“Have you ever had any indecent relations ?”
"Yes, but they all died.”
•—Columbia Jester.
Customer: Five pounds of
coffee, please.
Grocer: Yes, anythin:; else to
day?
Customer: Well, if it isn't too
heavy a package, I’ll take it with
me.
Grocer: Oh, no, it’ll only weigh
three or four pounds.
—Red Cal.
S5
Some men earn their livelihood
by the sweat of their frau.
—Louisville Satyr.
Among the other wild things
that disappear during a rain arc
birds and taxi drivers.
-•Slink.
My co-ed friend says that the
way to a man's heart may be
through his stomach, but' who the
heck wants to go through, his
stomach?
—Georgia Cracker.
“I contribute to several leading
magazines.”
"Yes, I see you buying them at
the news-stand quite often."
—Northwestern Purple Parrot.
The flapper's little powdered nose
This modesty has shown.
It blushes like the timid rose.
Unseen till .fully blown.
-^Bowdoin Bear Skin.
-v K.
“Why, I'll have you cured of the
measles in a week.”
“Now, Doctor, no rash prom
ises.”
—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
She: Was the party last night a
;ood one?
He: It was great while I lasted,
■—Texas Ranvrr.
“Th.:s ought to bring down the house.”
—M. 1. T. Yoo Pro.
oingte: Does your wife select
your clothes?
Married: No, but she picks the
pockets.
—Carolina Buccaneer.
“I held a perfect hand last
night.*’ '
“Shook hands with yourself, I
suppose.”
—Antes Green Gander.
'
A college is a human hothouse
specializing in the sheltered rear
ing of persons who would be nor- •
mal if they were left alone.
—Pomona Sagcken.
Frosh: Why is the milk so blue
here?
Soph: Because it comes from
discontented cows.
-—TVe t Tie* i
The difference between kissing
in ipoo and 1927 is the difference
between discussion and perform
ance.
—Vanderbilt Masquerader.
Getting a husband is like buying
a car; one has to consider the
trade-in value.
—Cornell Widow.
“I have an idea that that fellow
is a low-down snake in the grass.”
“Sort of a snaking suspicion,
ch?”
—Washington Dirge.
‘ When I was ‘twenty I made up
my mind to get rich!”
“But you never became rich.”
“No, I decided it was easier to
change my mind.”
ANOTHER BEDTIME STORY
Once upon a time two Scotch
men made a bet.
—Wash. Cougar's raw.
"Do you know William?”
"Seems that the nomenclature
has reached my cars before, but
I’ll bite. William who?”
‘‘Willya marry me?”
—U. of IEc.sA. Columns.
A student arrested in town the
other day was found to have no
liquor on him. He is being de
tained for medical examination.
—Mugwump.
There's always one girl at every
dance who makes the others wish
they’d gone to the movies.
—M. 7. T.'Voo Doo.
Chivalry is the notion that the
girl to whom you arc engaged is
better than the others you date.
* —Illinois Siren.
He: Has he a good line?
She: l hope so; he's a tight
rope walker.
^ t *—Black & Blue Jay.
Max Brumbaugh announces that
he is going to enter the hog calling
contest and he asks that all his
friends come out to root for him.
—Brown Bull.
Stude: I call my Ford Lucy be
cause she’s always going to pieces.
Prunes: I call mine Virginia.
Shc’o such a little creeper.
—Sewanec Mountain Goal.
"How do you like your journal
ist course?”
"It’s all write.”
—Wash. Cougar's raw.
Marge: That serious-minded
boy is always telling me that I
should put something away for
a r ainy day.
Large: Well, aren’t you sav
ing his letters?
—Hamilton Royal Gaboon.
Triumphantly he rushed into the
house. “Marie! Marie! Y'ltoo!”
he cried.
“Yes?” came his wife’s answer
from somewhere or other. “What
is it?”
“Let’s see the mail order cata
logue. I’ve just got some money,
and now we can order those steps
to the third floor."
— Yale Record.
Gene Tunney, the heavyweight
champ, says, “I belong to the pub
lic.”
Well, one would think so after
what the public paid lor him.
-—Pomona Saprhrn.
CASTING HIS LOT WITH DAD
Willie had been naughty and was
being sent to bed by his mother
without any supper. He was nat
urally aggrieved at the feminine
sex, and tumbled into bed without.
saying his prayers.
“Willie,” his mother demanded^
"say your prayers.” t
, “I won’t!”
“Don’t you want to go t»
heaven?”
“Nali, us men gotta stick to
gether these days.”
—Denison Flamingo.
■te
Stage Manager: Yes, we did 3
have a vacancy in the chorus, but
you’re too late.
A Girl: Too late?
Stage Manager: Yeh, by about
ten years,
r —Red Cat.
.
ist Shipwrecked Traveler: Give
us a cigarette, will you?
2nd Shipwrecked Traveler:
Sorry, old top; I'm all out.
i st Shipwrecked Traveler:
That's all right; I'll smoke my
glasses.
—Tote Record. ;
•sss-e
My gal's so dumb she won't buy
cold cream unless it’s packed in
ice.
—Texas Ranger. '
•s-e
All that, titters is not bold.
—Williams Purple Cow.
-s*® i
*A seven days’ wonder, and on
the eighth she made up her mind.
—Cornell Widow.
Driver: .Say, did you ever have one of those headaches that
made your eyes all blurry?
Princeton Tiger. .
ALDEN LIKES ERSKINE.
H. W. Alden, chairman of the
Board of Directors of the Timken
Detroit Axle Company, knows au
tomobiles. He writes as follows
concerning the Erskine Six which
he recently purchased: “I have
driven my Erskine for some time
now and while I was under the im
preession that it was a very good
car, I did not fully realize how
good it was until I had driven it
myself. I think your engineering
a:id production departments have
produced a very unique vehicle.
The moro I drive it, the better I
like it."
*
Face the Sun.
Don't hunt for trouble, hut look
for success!
You'll find what you look for, don't
look for distress!
If you see but your shadow, re
member, I pray,
That the sun is still shining, but
you’re in the way!
MURDOCK PUMP
275 to 600 GALLONS PER HOUR
Simpler -- Surer --
Cheaper to Operate
The positive displacement vacuum
pump in Murdock Automatic . Water
Systems has only eight working parts.
The bore of the pump cylinder is harden
ed. The rotor and rotor shaft are one
piece of drop forged steel. The working
face of the head plates are also hardened
eliminating end wear.
Every pump carries a year’s guar
antee for satisfactory operation.
I Consult Anv Master Plumber and Be Convinced of
v MURDOCK SUPERIORITY
Pleasantville
Plumbing Supply Co.
FRANKLIN AVE. & READING R. R. '
Phone 750
Doh't grumble, don’t-bluster, don't
dream and don't shirk.
Don't think of your worries, but
think of your work.
The worries will vanish, I ho work
will bo done—
j No man sc his shadow who faces
the —Selected.
----
When hc -’o people (ell the trialh
It is only for the purpose of creat
ing trouble.
i
Phone Pleasantville 241
ANTHONY J. CORIO f
PRINTER \
Successor to PENHALLOW PRESS :
236 W. Washington Ave. \
-$QG&-- j
If IPs PRINTING, We Do It! 1
On Any
MEAD
Bicycle
whether you buy from
your Ijocal Dealer or,
from us direct.
On Tout1 tUcycfo
Prices From *2I50 Up
Get full particulars
by mail today. Use
coupon below.
Sold On Approval
You are allowed 30
days’ actual riding
test before sale is
binding.
WnfA T«<l-»wfor Catalog, Free
write today Premium Offer and
name of nearest Mead Dealer.
CUT OH THIS Line
Bead Cycle Co., Chicago, U. S.»,
Please send full information and namo of near*
est dealer.
Name .
Street or
F.O.Bo%_
Town..
Special
Offer
286
Stale
Tires
50
Each
Guaranteed. — Lamps,
wheels, equipment.
Low prices. Send no
money .Use the coupon.
Cycle Company
rSldU Dept, x Chicago
' ' te fr, &Vvt . ; ii - . M&. ■
When a public speaker pauses
for a reply it breaks him all up if
he gets it.
Chickens that come home tc
roost have more sense than some
people.
WILLYS-KNIGIIT OVERLAND
_ SALES and SERVICE
See the ‘WHIPPET’ the European Type Car
CITY GARAGE
66 E. WASHINGTON AVE.
“Woody” Dare Phone -*-866
—BUY—
Northfield Baking Company
--SPECIALTIES-*
Home-Made, Layer, Fruit, Pound Cake
—AT YOUR DEALER’S—
fc.
PRESTON
.f.
%
H
E
X
D
I
A
M
O
N
D
SHINGLES
Put on over your old roof—NOW
Call, write, or phone us at Pleasantville
C40, and we will send our represcn<st.;7*
* to give you an estimate.
Time Payments if yon wish
South Jersey Asphalt Roofing Co
Mill Road and Shore Fast Line
' w Nortlifield, New Jersey
The Health Guardian
Nature’s own way of providing refrigeration Is with
pure, sparkling ICE. Nothing can replace It In its efficient
and dependable work for man. ICE, as it changes from
its solid form to cold-laden air is economical, safe and
sure.
NEIL S. CAMPBELL
34 Adams Avenue Pleasantville, N. J. -
Phan* 465
Need Female Help?
Try. Press Want Ad. I . ;