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: “Shine, mister?” ' “No, I’m just sunburned.” j —N. Y. Medley. First Maid: How do you like to work for the professor and his wife? Second Ditto: Pretty good, yet not so good; because they keep me busy running from the keyhole to the dictionary. —Oklo. Whirlwind. EVOLUTION Old Gentleman: Am I headed right for the monkey cage, my boy? Bright Boy: Yes, sir; but you’d stand a better chance if you had a tail. >, —Orphan. Frater: Isn’t that hair tonic in the green bottle? Also: No, that’s mucilage. Frater: I guess that’s why I can’t get my cap off! —Wash. Cougar's Paw. Wagner: A guy once told me this here violin was over a hundred. years old. Kreisler: Don’t worry; seems to sound ’most as good as new. —Middle bury Blue Baboon. 'K-.r FOR THEY’RE ALL SWEETIES “Last night Jack told me I looked sweet enough to eat.” “Yes, Jack is fond of plain food.” —Coblin. Father and mother, after studying the “college” movies, visit their ion. -. —Wisconsin Octopus. Copyrighted, 1927, by The Collegiate World Publishing Co. (ffllqeHumor) Through Bell Syndicate. Guide (to tour party of the Ford plant): Do you know what' Would happen if that man on the right side ever missed a .day at work? Interested Onlodker: No, what would happen? Guide: Twenty-two hundred md sixty-one Fords would go out of the factory without springs. Interested Onlooker: Say, mister, that fella’s been sick a lot, ain’t he? —Minn. Ski-U-Mah. THESE MODERN DRESSES Scantier and scantier? Well, it all goes to show— —Princeton Tiger. -Ss® “Forsooth, Petrulius, and which do you prefer, to be guillotined or boiled in oil?” “Don’t alt me.” —W. Va. Moonshine. -s*® Half: What makes you think that my head is made of cork? Pint: It always seems at the mouth of a bottle. —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. -e*® “Why don’t you marry Bill?” “I was going to. But Father gave his permission. So there wouldn't be any fun in it now.” —U. 0/ S. Calif. Wampus. 'W-w. “Mary, what did you put in this hash?” “Oh, a lot of little things that were hanging around the kitchen.” “I thought I smelled a rat.” —Amherst Lord Jeff. Suggestion to government: Print air mail postage stamps on fly paper. —Grinnell Malteaser. . -s>® An optimist is the guy who gets the filling station man to sprinkle gas on his suit so his girl will think he has just had it cleaned. —Texas Ranger. * «"••• 1U Bad Man: Halt, or I’ll shoott Drunken Gambler: Go ahead, I’ll fade a half. —California Pelican. Pete Wheeler of Hickory Holler had ordered four tire covers from a mail order house. They were sent to him, and a few weeks later the manager of the mail order house was surprised to find the following letter on his desk: . “Gentlemen: A few weeks ago I ordered four tire covers from you. I put them on, and hadn’t drove fifteen miles be fore the blame things had wore clear out. Now I want some new tire covers or my money back. Pete Wheeler.” —Kansas Sour Owl. If you like something, avoid it. It’s bad for you., —Princeton Tiger. Willis: A million germs will live on the head of a pin. Gillis: That’s a strange diet, isn’t it ? —Crimson Colt. A monologue is a conversation between the man who went to Eu rope and the tpan who remained behind. —Notre Dame Juggler. Actresses who sign syndicate features should always read their own articles carefully before writ ing them. ■—Colbv White Mule. ADVICE TO WIVES If at first you don’t succeed, shoot, shoot again. —Lehigh Burr. t . Hop: I’ll guarantee I’ve got the funniest second-hand car you ever saw. Prom: Don’t doubt it, but then, why? Hop: It runs. —Middlebury Blue Baboon. Lady Godiva, so the legend says, made her famous ride in Heidelberg in 1157. The University of Heid elberg was founded in 1158. —Wisconsin Octopus. -ft.*: “Say, don’t drink any of that eggnog; it's fierce.” “What's the matter with it?” “I just saw them pouring milk in it!” —Virginia Reel. Diner: How much is my bill, waiter? Waiter: What did you have? Diner: I don't know. Waiter: Hash is a quarter. —Penn. State Froth. Definition of rouge: the pink of perfection. —Burknrll Belle Hop IN KENTUCKY Col. Jones: Are you still em ployed at the zoo? Col. Bones: Yes, I’m the b’ar tender. —Washington Dirge. *8*® One of my closest friends is Scotch. —Golden Bull. He (to partner at dance): I gotta sedan outside. She (sweetly): Ask him in. —Stanford Chaparral. Tram#: I say, sir, could you give me a job? Barber: Well, sure. Here, paint this barber, pole. Tramp: 0. K., boss. Where do I get the striped paint? —Reserve Red Cat. ® “I noticed they arrested another big gang of bootleggers in Chicago yesterday.” “What for? Getting behind with their deliveries?” —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. “Do you know that I have the soul of an artist?” “I knew you painted the minute I looked at your face.” —Northwestern Purple Parrot. “What mechanical contrivance figures largely in the works of Washington Irving?” “Give up.” “Ichabod Crane.” —Cannon Bawl. -e*® He called his sweet woman Maine so he could remember her. —Cincinnati Cynic. -8J<® Hotsy: I haven't a decent frock to wear to the prom tonight. Totsy: Then why not wear that indecent one you had on last night? •Drcxerd i% 11A1UML KUALri'IUtS Skeptical Observer: Your back 5eld all seem pretty slow when it tomes to totin’ the pigskin. Coach (casually): Yes, but what’s time to a hog? —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Gregory Cohen: Who is yon fellow? Another Dane: Oh, he’s a me chanic. G. C.: Well, I have nothing against him; some of my best friends are Irish. —Boston Beanpot. Marriage License Clerk: But lady, the law requires that I record all previous marriages before issu ing a new license. Movie Actress: Good Heavens! And I’ve a taxi waiting outside! —Goblin. Women are steadier drivers than men, say scientists. But a woman can use both hands for driving. —M inn^Ski-U-Mali. r wow, all bands needing a haircut will get same immedi ately. ( —Annapotts Lot• Conductor: What are you doing . with those towels in your suitcase? -•*» Passenger (with presence of mind): Oh, they are some I used v‘ - the last time I was on this train. . - I had them washed and brought them back. st!i u —Princeton Tiger. “Why did you get that fur coat four sizes too large for you?** “I’m a big man where I came from.” !—Wisconsin Oclotms. Two is a company—until they become one, then it seems more like a crowd. • -<§,$>_-* You can’t convince a self-made man that he gave himself the worst of it. . -_ If a woman isn’t quite sure of her husband she always advertises for a plain cook. Lots'of men are failures becauso they nover attempt anything. Most men find it easier to take two steps backward than to take one forward. -&& Be sure you are right—but don’t be too sure that everyone else is wrong. -— — Job was a patient man, but there is no record of his ever having put a tooth-cutting baby to sleep. -- After working the political boss for a job a man can afford to take it easy. . ' : ~ .— [ MURDOCK PUMP 275 to 600 GALLONS PER HOUR I Simpler -- Surer — Cheaper to Operate The positive displacement vacuum pump in Murdock Automatic Water Systems has only eight working parts. The bore of the pump cylinder is harden ed. The rotor and rotor shaft are one piece of drop forged steel. The working face of the head plates are also hardened eliminating end wear. f Every pump carries a year’s guar antee for satisfactory operation. Consult Any Master Plumber and Be Convinced of MURDOCK SUPERIORITY Pleasantville Plumbing Supply do. FRANKUN AVE. & READING R. R. Phone 750 • •- . V.' Many a mail’s unpopularity is due to his attempt to wear a mis fit mantle of greatness. -m/ Even it a man's good deeds live after him, lie isn't in a position to care. A jack-knife is a dangerous thing, but it isn’t half as dangerous as a jackpot. -@><§. Speaking of fruit, I ho first apple caused a lot of trouble for the first pair. 000000000000000000000000000=000002000000000000000 iji Phone Pleasantville 241 | | ANTHONY J. CORK) PRINTER I j . ' Successor to PENHALLOW PRESS | 236 W. Washington Ave. I :i; ' •—mm—< | If It’s PRINTING, We Do It! 1 >000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 JQ Days' Free Trial On Any * MEAD Bicycle whether you buy from your Local Dealer or from us direct. Swtrwys On Your Bloyolm Prices From *2IS0 Up Get full particulars by mail today. Use coupon below. •» Sold On Approval You are allowed 30 days’ actual riding test before sale is binding. 117*4. 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Time Payments if you wish South Jersey Asphalt Roofing Co Mill Road and Shore Fast Line Northfield, New Jersey Winter Systems ..Puzzled about Water Supply? 'VWhat you want is not just a V water system—you want satis factory water service. "That’s why Duro offers a free Advisory Service. When you take advantage of our Service we accept responsibility for *hs installation. Ask us about your water supply. No obligation. DURO PUMP 'CO.11 West Washington Ave. ■ (Opp. First St.) | PLKASANTVIL,L,K, N. J, | [ W. W. EDWARDS f Phono 7UaFac. Rop. * The Health Guardian s Nature’s own way of providing refrigeration is with pure, sparkling ICE. Nothing can replace it in its efficient and dependable work for man. ICE, as it changes from its solid form to cold-laden air is economical, safe and sure. t. _** j. It.#• litHI NEIL S. CAMPBELL 34 Adams Avenue Pleasantvillc, N. J. P.h»n» 465 v Need Female Help? Try Press Want Ad. !