The San Juan County index., October 09, 1903, Image 2

About The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??

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THE INDEX
Ti o
hi n v gv. T
AZTEC.
NEW MEXICO.
TiMir Mr K.'rr.e has inly $.''..i't.onn
!!!. Si h ru l pimity is pitiiul to
Lehtiu.
When you cant get 'central" you
are ready to believe ihat tho telephone
is u holler nu kcry.
liain may help tin late crops, b'i'
it seriously interferes with the l.ui
t of hits ua the hall field.
The lesson ymi nmst easily learn
is yon (irinv o'.iler is that the older
you trow the hankr it is to learn.
It is authoritatively denied that
Harry I.ehr wears frills on the ends
of hU draw.rs.-- Chira-;. R- tin! Her
ald. Some Eastern tills have invented
what they i ail the piazza mat hat.
l:s shape i improved hy being Kit
t;; n.
A V.-i oüsiii ;a, ho night have
i. v t-: ii::; his ho. -irr corrí
V.I (if 1,-1. !,v !!..!. ad. :i!.d í :Ci 1 ii
J L . ' j 7 ó peai!.
Kins A ; ai;ij. r an I Ijueen Iha-a
had ai e.mniliiteil debts a:ii:int iitu to
Jvumu, anil yet some people question
e, their ability.
Harry I.ehr i an illiist rat nm of tlie
fai t that if some ir.-n i an only got
In tnselves talked ahoMt, tin y don't
i are w hat i said.
Ufe is not all a hed of ruses; and
if it were we would miss ami howl for.
ham and eggs, garlic, minee pies and
autolliohiles. Judge
The man who realizes Hint he has
made a fool of himself ( vpci cines
eonsideralde dillienlly In keeping oih
ers from finding it mil.
The Dowager Empress of China ap
pears to he having tier annual thirst
for goto, lis ipner how long the
J.ord lets some people live.
The boys have about quit dying
iron) the efforts of Finit'.li of July
fireworks, lull tin- green apple vii
litns are now beginning, to he heard
of.
St. 1'aiil. if we mistake not. is the
lirst large city to take decisive action
against the toy pistol of l'io, ,m si.
I'aul will lie le.-s loin .nine as i i -xi
lolls on.
Now that heef hps gone up. it t
proiiahle that ihire won't I. so pinch
of it no down wiih people who must
keep tile living expenses below a (el
lain II fin re.
"We are In the hands of a leciiver."
writes a Ilillville edllor, and may the
Lord make him duly thankful for
what he is aliout to rciclvc!"- Atlanta
Constitution.
I. is thought Ihat Hip Humberts,
the Ilk Paris swindlers, will get hut a
light sentence. It will he remembered
ihat hoy were wise enough to steal
M'Voral millions.
Manila correspondents say the sul
tan of Sulu is so infatuated with
Singapore that lie will never return
to Sulu. First i hey had him die, and
now they l ave him resign.
Colombia "prefers war to humilia
tion." Our sympathy with that noble
sentiment. Is somewhat dulled by the
consideration that South American re
publics prefer war to almost any
thing. The Washington baseball team is
for sale. Ii is apparent thai the own-
rs of the team hav e a g I ileal of
I erve. They ought to oiler to give it
away with half a pound of tea or
toiiietliltig.
A sixty horse power engine used on
western ranches will plow sixty acres
n day. lietweeii that groat machine
and (lie automobile people who like
horse meat should be aide to get it at
1-nrgalii rati s.
Egyptian mummies under a recent
ustoms derision are to be admitted
to ttiis country without having to pay
iiutv. Although no protest by somn
infant, industry has yet arisen, you
never can ti II.
Permits w ho come back wearied and
exhausted by the pleasures of their
online tour should cheer up with the
reflection that about fifty weeks must
intervene before they have the same
experience again.
- English clergyman has entirely
los his memory as Hie result of tak
ing a bath a circumstance which will
confirm many people in their convic
tion that bathing is not only foolish
hut a dangerous custom.
That American girl who is going o
paint a portrait of the empress dow
iiger of China should he careful not
to make It true to life if she cares
o get her pay without making the col
lection of it in an International Inci
dent. Hrilain has given liberty to seven
teen unreconstructed lioer prisoners.
The most dangerous feature about
these Irrecoiicllables Is that they re
fuse to work. Kven a small number
cf Idlers may make considerable
trouble.
According to a Calais, Me,, dispatch
a man has just died down ihat way
who took out a life Insurance policy
Fix weeks ago because he dreamed
three nights running that he saw hit
own dead body. And no doubt Iher
are people who wonder if I lie com
any will not protest against paying
An automobile has made the run
from San Francisco to Chicago ip
fifty i:ays. The chauffeur must have
ftarte.l out with the Intention of prov
ing to the public that It Is Mill pos
sible to go glow!)' In a j uff waon.
l Y
As Kevisedby"'
y5&n.to3 - Dvrmotvt
"Will you fly with me. my dar'lns, to m( htppirr distant clime.
Where tlie uiiiv i-rin-1 pari-nt is relentless Falht-r Timi-'.'
Seven Summers have ill inrleil since the Idesai'd day 1 knew
That in all the Snlnr Sslein there was mine like unto you.
"lis your plute-atll, iater who has ever helil ni back.
CelJiy srii-emiK as lie shovels coupons in a lMilm; sack.
And lie swears In she. kim; phrases that hep ne'er consent to me
As a memhi-r of his houselinlil till I've heaped up millions thiee.
Now, I'm shy two million ilucals. anil a half A million mere,
We must tin- or II y toether. li t the King of Finance roar"
Then she spoke: "We'll wait no lunger, let u go this very night.
Are on sine the airship's reply anil the engine's working rliiht?
I will meet you in the vanlt-n wre'ii the strek of mldnlglit rings.
Now be boO'J. dii-.l leave me, darling. 1 must go and pack my things."
When n winced phantom sweeping with a hisclnc. sighing rush.
S'-ltleil gently In the shadows of the sleeping garden's hush.
There w.-re whispers: "'Test the current, oil the fans and steering wh"e;
Try the motors, shift some ballast forward of tie- sliding keel."
Tie-re's a flutter and a rustle, and a stilled, tolibii.g cry;
"Hurry, (ieorge, all Is discovered; oh, 1 knew that I shall die."
As a mighty wind of Autumn sings ntiimtf the lossini; trees,
So the tnrsliip Hurrtrana sw-nt tier pinions lo the tirei ze,
llislnif slowly till th.: city faded in a smudce of black.
Then she wini.-.l her hurtling passage oir the moonlit southern trade.
Knglnes throbln-d. the sti it was vibrant. !-'ald the Captain: "T'hatTI do.
l-hk'hty knots, sir: any harder, and she'll shake herself in two."
Hut hi hiiicl. portentous 1, nulling, growing larger nil the while.
Showed a shadow Ihst meant trouble m another living mile.
Slid the Captain: "Tint's the flagship of II, Aerial express.
She can do an easy hundred, and a trltlc more. I kucss."
In a moment o'er the ipiarry Hashed a searchlight's blinding glare.
While tin- maiden shrieked, half fainting. In the depths of her despair.
"i'b-ar the rapid-lirlni; ritle that we ktr1 for pirate crews.
Lead," said tieiirge, "and blow him out of both his wicked shoes."
" 'Tls my father! cried the inalih-n. ''Spare him. for he loves me JO
"All right, liunner. only wing her-better aim a trille low.
Ami you'll smash a shaft or engine that will cripple the machine,
And vnur father, tlarltmr Nora, will be in the sunn tureen."
Hang! the gunner hit the target and the
.Xs a iiroK'-n-witigi-u eagle imiui.-s. stri. Keu In nis priue.
"Thev'll ii, if ii.-rwh- 1 in In ibmei-r lorn inn- s..-t ri-l Itetit '" c.-illed the ninte
"Manning parachute preservers." "See 'em hustle!" "Ain't it great'.'" I
Soon thrro dropp-'d a rotund object, like a fat pear from a tree.
Falling gently, kicking wtldlv. shouting language black and free.
"Hood-bye. father, keep your hut en. an,j be careful where you light!"
Laughed the maiden, while the sailors yelled u jubilant "(iood nialiL."
Where the palm trees droop 'neath tropic skies this mod- rn pair were wrd,
And the airship's thirst v sailors made the isle a vivid red.
lut the apoplectic falling star came down upon a fence.
And In his cushioned trame were knocked some rather painful di.nts.
lie lives alone, and mourns the day he ever iiid pursue
That willful daughter, her young man and 1 lurrleatia s crew.
-HAI.l'll 1). 1'AINF. In New York Time.
Had "Money
"Money to burn" is n phrase that
one is likely to regard as belonging t
modern slanii, and of recent origin,
hut it was used inore than fifty years
ago, with a slightly different mean
ing, by a fanner living in western New
Hampshire.
This man who may he called
Smith, as that happened to be his
liamo was sued for a debt which he
declared that he did not owe, and he
contested the charge hotly, but never
theless judgment was found against
him. Smith said the evidence was
false, and vowed he would never pay
the amount. As the law at that time
allowed Imprisonment for debt, he
moved over the line into Vermont to
escape arrest.
Now, Mr. Smith had always prided
himself upon being an honest, law
abiding citizen, who paid his taxes
and owed no man a penny, ami the
injustice of the action against him
rankled in his soul. He wished to
show his utter contempt for t ho de
cree and the court that had made such
a travesty of justice, and to outwit its
officers in their effort to take him
into custody. So every Sunday old
"Cash" Clay's
The following story Is related of
Gen. Clay's power as an orator:
A man was once being tried for
murder, and his case looked hopeless
indeed. He had, without any seeming
provocation, murdered one of his
neighbors in cold blood. Not a law
yer in the county would touch the
case. It looked bad enough to ruin
the reputation of any barrister.
The man. as a last extremity, aii
pealeil to Mr. Clay to take the case
for liim. ICvery one thought that. Clay
would certainly refuse. Hut when
the celebrated lawyer looked into the
matter his lighting blood was roused,
and, to the great surprise of all. he
accepted.
Then came a trial the liko of which
has seldom been seen. Clay slowly
carried on the case, and it looked
more and more hopeless. The only
ground of defense the prisoner had
was that the murdered man had
looked at him with such a fierce, miii
deroiis look that out of self defense he
had struck first. A ripple passed
through the jury at this evidence.
The time came for Clay to make his
defense. It was settled in the minds
Gen. Butler
"When I was a boy in I-owoll just
after the war." said a Massachusetts
man, in the Washington I'ost, "1 met
Gen. lienjamin V. Hutler on the street
one day, and following him was a
hoy who was yelling: 'Old Hen Hut
ler, Cockeye Hutler!' and dodging and
running whenever the general made
a motion to catch liim or strike him
with his stick.
" 'Son,' said he to me, "I 11 give you
fifty cents If you'll thrash that boy;
but I want you to thrash him good.'
" 'What do I get if he licks me'." I
asked, for. as a Yankee boy, 1 wanted
all there was in it.
"'A quarter if he whips you, and
fifty cents if you thrash him. Now,
give It to him rood.'
"I made for the boy, who was about
my size, and In a second we were
making the fur fly. We hadn't been
at it long enough to give any Idea of
the outcome when one of the two or
three policemen the town then had
grabbed the air of u.i and marched
us off to the station house, which was
Ths Infk-ence of Radium.
A report of experiments with radium
In I'mschail. St. Petersburg, is as fol
lows: Twenty-one nilci were placed
In glass vessels, covered with netting,
upon which a radium cell was placed
lor periods of from one to three days.
Six other mice wure similarly Im
prisoned whuut being exposed to the
A-
.ship turned on her side, V"l
ii.
to Burn."
Smith crossed over the Connecticut
river from Vermont and paid a visit
to his old neighbor, Aimer Craln. lie
made no secret of his coming, secure
in the knowledge that the law could
not reach him on Sunday, and he
look good care to get back befor
I he hour which u.diered in the legal
weekdays.
After dinner Mr. Craln and he used
to take a stroll about the place to
look at the crops, and then settlu
themselves comfortably in chairs on
1)ie Kia,y ,,,1-cli and take out their
pipos for a quiet smoke. This was
Smith's happiest moment. Reaching
down into his trousers pocket, hi
would pull out a big roll of bank
notes nnd peel one off the bunch.
I.eisusely folding the note lengthwise
into a spill, he would then roach over
and light it at the pipo Mr. Crain was
already puffing, and. as he applied
the burning paper to his own, he
would remark in complacent tones
between the puffs:
"I ve got money to burn, neighbor;
money to burn; but I'll never pay that
judgment with it, never! I'll burn
it all f'.rst!"
Black Loot
of the spectators that the man was
guilty of murder in th.! lirst degree.
Clay calmly proceeded, and laid all
the proof before them in a masterly
way. Then, just as he was about I o
conclude, he played his last and inci
ter card.
"Gentlemen of the jury," he said, as
suming the fiercest, blackest look, and
carrying the most undying hatrüd in
it ever seen "gentlemen, if a man
i
should look at you like this, what
would you do?"
That ivas all he said, hut that was
enough The jury was startled, and
some even ipialled In their seats. The
judge moved uneasily on his bench
Alter some fifteen minutes the jury
filed slowly back with a "Not guilty
your Honor.'' The victory was com
plete.
When Clay was congratulated on his
easy ictory he said :
"It was not so easy as you think
I spent days and days in my room
before the mirror practicing that look.
It took more hard work to give that
look than to investigate the most oh
truse case." Louisville Courier-Journal.
Got Even.
! but half a smmv or so away
The
general
charges
followed, and after the
were made against us ho
said:
How much collateral do you
want to release this boy?" Indicating
mo. '1 know his parents and will send
him home.'
" 'Five dollars will be enough, gen
eral,' said the man in charge, which
the general put tip, and I left the sta
lion with him.
"'Now, as your attorney, I t li i tilt
yon had better go fishing to-morrow,
said he. 'Go early and stay all dav
Here's your fifty cents. You didn't
lick him, but 1 believe you would.'
"I took his advice; the case was
called the next day and my recogniz
ance was forfeited and I heard no
more of It. The other hoy got off
with a lecture, I believe.
"Ten years after that, while Gen,
Hutler was in Congress, I called on
him, brought myself to his recollec
tion, and through his good offices I
obtained n clerical appointment
which I held for several years."
influence of radium. These six re
mained lively and gained in weight,
but all the others died on the fourth
or fifth day from paralysis of the
spinal cord and brain.
Fast Automobile Travel.
An Englishman has covered 42"
miles in 21 hours and 1C mluutes with
his automobile.
Magnetie Steering Gear.
In spite of the numerous and often
Ju8t complaints against the motor car
because of Its abuse from a apeed
standpoint, this, vehicle Is gradually
gaining the ground, which wiil make It
In the near future indispensable coru
metclally. It is reaching this plane
ouly by the efforts of the inventor to
improve on the .crude Ideas which
originally obtained as to horseless
carriages and every device which
gives the driver increased control of
the machine advances the automobile
a long step toward this perfection.
One fault with. motor cars is the
inefficient means of controlling the
steering apparatus, the front wheels
belpg liable to jump to one side or
tita other, when ttriking an obstrue-
Device to Steady Wheels.
tlon In the road. In spite of the chauf
feur's efforts to steady the steering
leviT. To Improve on this Is shown
on electromagnetic steering gear,
which, while still making use of the
lever to guide the machine, has a pis
ton r.nd cylinder arrangement to
steady the moveirYont. The cylinder
contains a heavy liquid and the cylin
der has valves opening in opposite di
rections and under the control of
magnets electrically connected with
the steering lever. To turn the ma
chine the lever is'pushed to one side,
cloning the circuit to open the proper
valve and allow the liquid to flow
through the valve inside the piston
with a steady movement, the combi
nation of the liquid and the piston in
the cylinder serving as a cushion to
prevent the sudden turn of the steer
ing gear in either -direction. Herman
Lwao of Lynn, Mass., is the Inventor.
Vest Pocket Check Punch.
Every one will willingly admit that
he would like to have frequent use
for the article shown in the Illustra
tion and those whom fortune has so
favored that they need a check pro
tector will doubtless find this one
much to their liking. In the first
place, the small business man who
nas been barred from using a check
protector on aceytnt of Its high cost
can 'prrtbaltry'JHVt 0 'Utry "tills one.
Then its small size enables It to be
carried In the pocket, instead of re
maining in a fixed place In the office
or store. This makes It especially
convenient for the traveling man, who
Would otherwise be often compelled
to do without the protection thus af
forded. As will he seen, there is a flat plate,
carrying small disk? with figures
Especially for the Traveling Men.
raised on the surface, while at the
rear are hinged perforated plates cor
responding to the raised numbers.
When the cheek protector is to be
used it is only necessary to lay the
slip of paper on the plate and de
press one of the hinged numbers over
it to cut the figure from the paper;
then the check is placed over the
next figure and so on, until the
amount for which tho check reads
has been indicated.
Tlie inventor is A. Connor of Pitts
burg. Is All Matter Electric?
According to a theory advanced
by Sir Oliver Lodge, tho eminent Eng
lish physicist, it is possible that mat
ter may be nothing moro than an
figgregation of minute electric
charges, although he cannot explain
how isolated charges, such as he sup
poses, can exist, la a single atom of
matter there may be, he says, hun
dreds of thousands of these electric
points, or electrodes, but they are In
dividually so small that their dis
tances apart may be relatively as
great as that of the planets in the
solar system. The idea that an atom
of matter is further divisible was sug
gested several years ago by Professor
Thomson of Cambridge, England, In a
theory that has since become famous.
He believes that an atomic "chip"
constitutes a charge of negative elec
tricity. On this theory electricity is
t'othing but flnely divided matter.
Lodge has reversed the Idea and
makes matter the sum of myriads of
tiny electric charges. August Suc
cess. Making Stone from Skimmed Milk.
Skimmed milk, in spite of its valu
able properties, has so far been llttlo
used. It Is known to contain a con
siderable portion of nutritious matter,
and one quart is about equal to a quar
ter of a pound of meat. At the Hy
gienic Milk Supply Exhibition, which
was lately held at Hamburg, there
were exhibited a number of objects
which seemingly had nothing what
ever to do with hygienic milk supply.
There were shown, nicely arranged
In glass boxes, combs seemingly made
of horn; cigar holders, with amber
colored mouthpieces; kl.ives and forks,
with handles Bimilar In appearance to
ebony; ferrules for umhrrellas and
sticks, and balls, rings, chess figures,
iominoes, etc.: also a small table with
an U-laM tua.-ble dab, aad finally a
n i
i H H J
SCIENCE-
number of thick slabs and staves with
every imaginable variation of marble
colors, but of considerably less weight
than real marble. These objects were
mode galallt'n" i. e.. mil.; stone. The
principal albuminoid substance of
skimmed milk, the casein. Is the raw
material cut of which the new product
galalith, Is manufactured. An ad
vantage of this milk stone over eel
lullold Ts the fact that It does not ig
nite so easily ai:d is entirely odorless.
Trials have proved Ihat even when
kept for weeks in water it does uot
distend more than the best quality uf
buffalo horn; after one mouth it bad
not soaked in more than 20 per rv t
of water.
Liquid Air.
One of the greatest disappointments
of the day In the lino of utilizing i
product of the laboratory is liquid ah'.
So soon as it was known to lie pos
sible to produce a very low tempera
ture by compressing air to great den
sity and liquefying it, it was supposed
to be available for a great many In
dustrial purposes, but it now appears
that the expense of producing liquid
air is far greater than the methods of
obtaining low tbmperaiJires now in
use, and all the schemes based upon It
have had to bo abandoned. "If wo
worked our ice factories nnd cooling
plants by the use of liquid air," says
Dr. Van Linde, in Cassier's Magazine,
"the cost would bo from twenty t
fifty times gTeater than the methods
now In general uso.''
Prevents Soiling the Fingers.
If it were not for the delicious fla
vor of sweet corn it might find Itsc'f
barred from the table on account, of
the necessity of holding it in the flu
gers nnd gnawing the kernels from
the cob, but it is loved too well to
count It out of the hill of fare. Nev
ertheless, a sigh of relief will folio
the Introduction of the device pre
sented In the drawing, as few people
are so accomplished as to he able to
eat torn from the cob in a daiLty
manner.
The picture shows fine pair oí hold
ers la use and a second pair resting
Forks Hold the Ear of Corn.
on the plate in front of the ear Í
corn. These forks have very short
tines, arranged In a triangular man
ner about the center, and are pro
vided with rests, extending at tight
angles from the handles. When in
use one fork is fixed at each end of
the cob, bringing the rests to an up
right position to hold the ear on the
plate. Hy turning either handle the
ear can then be rotated for seasoning
the kernels, and finally both handles
are grasped to elevate the ear to the
mouth for eating. If properly Insert
ed in the cob there is ltttle or no dan
ger of the forks becoming detached,
and the ear can really be manipulated
with greater ease by their aid than
without thein.
F. P. Pflegher of New Haven, Conn.,
is the owner of this device.
Swimming Without Water.
The thought of a bona fide swim
ming match without the presence of
water seems preposterous, but among
the new inventions recently designed
for the amusement and edification of
tho human rare, is a device hy which
it will be possible to hold a swim
ming contest within the limits of a
small hall.
The device consists of a sort of a
trolley arrangement supported from
an overhead track. A sling on a stout
spring Is arranged for the support of
the person operating the machine,
and the bands and legs are also sup
ported by similar springs, lint of less
tension. The supports meant for the
hands are further supplied with a
ratchet or pawl connected with the
foremost of the two pairs of wheels
running along the elevated track and
in this manner the "swimmer" Is
driven along by the motion of the
arms. It is evident that the stronger
and more skillful man will have the
"Swimming" Through the Air.
advantage in this kind of a contest,
as he would In a swimming contest.
Tesla at Work.
Even since Mr. Tesla retired from
the public gaze and hid himself in
Long Island, he has been credited
with performing strange feats. These
rumors are at last confirmed. For
some time residents about the labora
tory have been startled by vivid
flashes of light emanating from a tall
lower erected by the Inventor. Just
what this tall tower, and the gleams
and flashes which come and go, may
mean, no one knows; but it Is in
ferred that Mr. Tesla Is bent upon 1m
proving the present methods of tele
graphing by Hertzian waves.
Radium s Rays.
M. Curie, the discoverer of radium,
has found that the rays of radium coi
or glass a violet blue.
The present population of the
United States is about SO.000.000, a
few cf whom have not yet written
novels. ÜMrago Evening Pest
.i
HERE. THERE.
Score One for the Grocer.
The little town of Mercer, Penn..
boasts a gre?n grocer with all the
wisdom of Solomon. The other day a
countrywoman, famous the county
over for the quality of her butter,
called on this old Silas Treevls with
the odd request that he take a five
pound roll of her making, giving her
In place of cash, an equal amount of
butter from his own stock. Knowing,
as he did, that her butter was better
than any he ever handled, and know
ing tt, thrt she knew that it was,
the olá fellow became somewhat sus
picious and questioned the woman's
motive.
"Well, you see," she said finally
"when I come to do the churnln' this
week I found a mouse drowned in the
cream, and somehow our folks feel
kind o' offish about eatln' this here
butter."
"And do you expect mo to sell that
kind of butter to my customers?"
"Now, look here, Silas Treevls,"
said the old woman, "my butter's bet
ter'n any your customers ever gets,
and as for the mouse well, what
they don't know won't hurt them."
The old man took the butter and
weighed it, went to his cellar, and af
ter a little while returned with a roil
of a somewhat different shape, rbut
very much the same in general ap
pearance, and this being satisfactory
to his customer, she took it and went
out.
About a week later the country
woman happened In again.
"How'd you like the butter?" asked
the old philosopher.
"First-rate," replied the woman.
"Folks eat it?"
"Yep."
'Well, maybe you was right, after
all, about what people don't know
not hurtin' 'em. You et the butter
with the mouse in it, after all. I jes'
changed the shape of the roll a little."
Racing Term A Hot Finish.
Tricky Miss Dainty Foot.
"Oh, dear!" said the girl with the
protty foot, "my shoestring has come
untied again, and it feels loose enough
to drop off."
"Let me tie it for yon," said hor ad
miring and accommodating young es
cort, and he knelt upon the step upon
which the young woman had poisod
a dainty little shoo, while she looked
off into the distance, raising her fluffy
skirts over so little that the offending
string might be manipulated.
"Can't you do it?" she queried a
minute later, as there was no evidence
of progress on the step.
"Er er I" began the young man,
and the girl looking down, blushed
rosy red, ducked the small foot back
into place again in a jiffy, and pro
tested vehemently that she had for
gotten entirely that she had changed
the laced for the buttoned boots.
Not Angling.
"Well, there is one thing that can
be said of Crawford. Although he
went fishing himself on the Sabbath,
bo didn't let his little sonHsh."
"I am glad to hear that. Was the
boy at Sunday school?"
"No; baiting the hooks."
y a.
With complexion like the rose,
'Mid the snows
Due to powder on her nose,
I suppose
She twirls upon her toes
In abbreviated clothes,
And exhibits spangled hose
To the beans.
Useless Irffort.
The young woman who had con
siderable time on her hands Joined
the Young Men's Christian Association
auxiliary, and was ready to enter into
the work with great zest. The first
notice she received read as follows:
Meeting at 3 o'clock this afternoon.
Come and pray for young men."
She read it seriously, and then
threw it to one side Irritably, with the
remark:
"I'm not going. I've been praying
for a young man for three years, and
I know It's absolutely no use."
In Her Line.
Wife (after returning from church)
"You should have been in church
this morning. We had a beautiful
sermon."
Husband 'I'll bet you can't repeat
the text."
Wife "Yes, I can. It was tho tenth
verse ot the sixteenth chapter of Eze
klel I girded thee about with fine
linen, and I covered thee with silk."
Husband Huh! It Is no wonder
you remember it."
r'.'lw v
EVERYWHERE
Why the Clergyman Treated.
They sat on the veranda of the
summer hotel in the dusk of the
evening, gazing seaward and sipping
through long straws at cooling drinks,
and thoroughly enjoying their cigars.
One of the men was a noted clergy
man, whose sermons are quoted every
Monday morning in many newspapers.
Nautical Term.
On the bosoni of a heavy swell
What he sipped through his straw was
orangeade. Ono of the other two
was an equally well-known writer of
historical novels. Tho third was a
distinguished looking man whose occu
pation was unknown to the others.
All three had come together with tho
easy good-fellowship only possible In
such resorts. What the writer and
tho stranger sipped was not orange
ade. "Yes," said the distinguished look
ing stranger, in reply to a remark
from the clergyman, which had been
seconded by the writer, "head work
is, Indeed, very trying, and the men
who earn their living by it need a
vacation now and then." He smiled
a little in the darkness, for the
clergyman nnd the writer had lost no
time in announcing their particular
professions and in descanting upon its
(lifiicultie:-,.
"Yes, it is true," said the novelist,
"head work is tho most trying of all,
especially when the hours are long."
"How many hours a day do you
work?" a.d;eil the stranger.
"1 always put. in six hours' literary
work every day." said the novelist.
"And you. sir?"
"I f'.nd four hours of mental strain
sufficient," said the clergyman.
"So you've bin eoachln' the college
ball team, hev ye? Wall, I guess yer
had better keep yer hand in this
summer an' drive the 'bus down to
the depot and back."
"And I work ten," remarked the
stranger.
"Really? Head work?" asked the
clergyman and the novelist in chorus.
"Yes; every bit of it."
"Special or general literature?"
"Neither. I am a barber," said the
stranger sweetly, and he glanced al
most longingly at the novelist's fa
mous head of hair.
The clergyman was the first to
speak, and looking at the novelist he
said:
"Ah-h! Hem! To speak in the
vernacular, I fancy that the the
drinks are on us."
"They are," said the writer.
A Cautious Patient.
Physician Your trouble is compli
cated and I think you would better
let me call two other physicians in
consiiultatlon.
Patient Very well, doctor. But
you will have to wait until I can
call some talent in to defend me.
A Future Diplomat.
"Remember, Willie, I told you If
j you ate peaches and cream you could
j not have the watermelon."
"But, mamma," said little Willie, "I
did not make up my mind that I
wanted the watermelon until I finish
ed the peaches and cream!"
As Bad as Their Name.
Small Louise lived on the river
shore, where fresh fish and ugly blue
green crabs were caught every day.
Many a time she had watched Aunty
Chloe and her daughter, Lily Bell,
In the process of deviled crab making
but had never known whence came the
name. One day, however, having pur
zled her little brain over the question
and found no answer to the riddle, she
ran to Aunty Chloe to see If she could
solve the mystery.
"Is debil crabs made out ub de
debll?"
"Naw, honey, chile, doy ain't," re
plied the old colored woman, "but
lommo tole you, dry am de débil ta
make!"
Making Her at Home.
Mrs. Suburb (Joyously) "My dear,
I've succeeded In getting a servant glrí
at last. Go to the kitchen and klsa
her."
Mr. Suburb "Kiss her?"
Mrs. Suburb "Certainly. I had ..
promise that she should be treated a
one of the fitn)y."