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THE EAULK: VKI)XKSIAY, ' OCTOItKR lf, 1895.
13 PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. ! Feline. The Younger One "I wonder if I will lose my looks, too, when I get to your age?" The Elder One "You would be lucky 11 you did." Washington Star. Customer "These trousers don't fit just right about the hips." Tailor "They're all right what you need is something more in the pockets." Chicago Uecord. Old Cashly (giving his son a check) "Xow bu careiul, my boy. Kcmember a foul mi his money are soon parted." Spend". I t :f lily "Yes, sir, and thank you for having obliged me so prompt' Jy." 'i'il-Lus. A Cho'.j. "I have finished your portrait, '.r.s. Do Fash," said the art ist, "all Lvt the coloring of the face." "A :ul why do you not finish that?" "1 waiitj.l i hear from you as to wheth er you pre-erred me to have you look healthy or merely interesting." Har per's liuzar, "Do you think, sir," said the girl's Kiolher, "that you have the patience und forbeurauce to be a kind hus band?" "Madam," replied the young man in earnest tones, "1 can put a fourteen and a half stand-up collar on a number fifteen shirt without saying a single strong word." And she con sented to the match at once. House hold Words. "I'm in a quandary," said the emi nent official. "What's the matter?" inquired his wife. "They are talking about having a prize fight right under my very nose. I've got to do some thing, or the law and order element will be after mo." "Well, issue a proc lamation forbidding it." "Yes-and !f I do that may be they'll go and have the prize fight somewhere else." Washington Star. "Augh-waught" It was the baby, lie had ri-peated the remark sixty times in the past hour. Mr. Newleigh's hair, sucti as it was, stood on end. "Gwow ahwb wowbkgwow fllwaugH" added the baby, while people living across the street got up and closed their windows. Mr. Newleigh took a whetstone out of the table drawer and ground his teeth. "To think," he groaned, burying his face in the pil lows, "that I should grow up to be como the father of a union depot train crier!" Rockland (Mo.) Tribune. "My doctor Is a real Joker," said a Lewistuwn lady. "I didn't know that my talldng bothered him when ho was writing proscriptions until yesterday, lie never mentioned it, and I always asked him all sorts of questions while ho was writing them out. Yesterday he examined mo, and sat down to write something. I kept talking. Suddenly lie looked up and said: 'How has your system been? Hold out your tongue.' Í put out that member, and he began to write. Ho wrote and I held out my tongue; and when he got through he said: 'That will do.' 'But,' said 1, 'you haven't looked at it' 'No.' said he, 'I didn't care to. I only wanted to keep it still while I wrote my prescription.'" The Novel KxoiIuh i'r!ic Moruiona from The most remarkable- case of house moving ever heard uf was at Nauvoo, 111. When the Mormons were driven out of Missouri by ua tinned force they built the town of Nauvoo ou the banks of the Mississippi. Here they erected their temple and constructed a thriv ing town. Then the Illinois people arose, burned the temple, murdered the prophet. Joseph Smith, and the entire community fled to Utah. Mennonites from Russia came along and bought the land. They had no use for the three hundred and fifty buildings in the town. They wanted the lund to plant vineyards upon. They sold the houses to a M'tssourian by the name of Boyd for a tri.le. "The next winter he began to put rollers nudm the houses, slid them down the bunks to the surface of the frozen river, and then slid and rolled and pushed them six miles up the river and founded the town of Fort Mudison. la., all except about forty of the houses whk'h ure to-day on the left bank of the river, opposite the site of the extinct town of Nauvoo." Tree TruiiUn 8 Filter on Ships. A well-known Australian engineer, M. Pflster, is stated to have discovered a remarkable properly of the trunks of trees, n-inely, tliut of retaining the suit of seu-wuter that has filtered through the trunk in the direction of the fibers, lie has consequently con structed an apparatus designed to util ize this property m obtaining potable water for the use of ships' crews. This apparatus consists of a pump, which sucks up the sea water into a reservoir and then forces it into a filter formed by the tree trunk. As soon as the pres sure reaches l.fi to 2.5 atmospheres the water is seen at the end of from oue to three minutes, according to the kind of wood used, to make its exit from the other extremity of the trunk, at first in drops and then in fine streams, the wa ter thus filtered being potable, freed, in fact, from every particle of the usual saline taste which is such a draw back to water obtained in the ordinary manner. Whitest City In the World. There cannot possibly be a whiter city than Cadiz, unless it be built of snow. The best way to appioach the port is to take a trip on one of the small steamers which ply between the ports of Morocco and Spain. As you near the coast you see in front of you a white mass which appears to be floating upon the water, just as you are. The first thought of a foreigner is that he is in sight of an iceberg. The white mass, glittering in the sun and rendered more dazzling by the blue sky and sea, looks exactly like a monster ice mountain partly melted, so that outlines of castles and hills ap pear upon it; but only for a second does the illusion lust, for you know there are no icebergs in that part, and you arc quickly informed that you are looking at Cadiz. No other town in the world presents such a limbic ap I pearaiKe. TOO MANY GIRLj. What The Uo In Chía When 8uoh It the Caia. As maid-of-all work, the Chinaman has won a fair reputation; but he is un doubtedly wrong on the woman ques tion. A correspondent of Frank Les lie's Monthly tells of her Chinese serv ant's peculiar conduct when twin girls were born to the household. Sue Kung had been with us three years, when twin daughters blessed our home. He came in to look at them, and laid a new coin on their pillows mil some tiny cups under the crib, and then asked: "Him girls or she boys?" We said, two girls. His face was a study, and wildly waving his hands, with the gesture of wringing the neck of a fowl, he said: "Too much girlie; ling hims neck in China. Too much girlie cost too mucliee; allee time want nice clothes. Too much boys good, 'cause they makee muchee money in the banks." When ho came in the next morning he said: "Me likee you belly (very) much, but me no likee to stay in any pi ace where hira gettee two girlies allee same time." He made us numerous and elegant presents, such as beautifully embroid ered mantel draperies and highly col ored silk handkerchiefs, and some pret ty china trinkets and ornaments for "them too much girlies," and left our jmploy. larrluc Hbnfti of I'ulp. New uses are being constantly found for wood pulp, says an exchange. One of the latest devices is the manufacture of carriage shafts, wood pulp (in con junction with iron) being the chief ma terial, with a covering of leather. Pat ents for the invention have been taken out in France, England and Belgium, und it is claimed that the shafts are very strong and unbreakable, a point regarded a important, so far as safety of passengers is concerned. These shafts are already In use in Paris, and they are appreciated by cab owners, not only for their strength, but for their comparative cheapness. A Neat Rejoinder. On a crowded elevator a young wom an arose, upon the entrance of an elderly one, and with a wave of the hand toward the seat, which the new comer seemed reluctant to accept, said: "Age before beauty." "Thank yon," was the reply, as the newcomer dropped into the seat; "but one would need glasses to see the beauty." "Per haps," was rejoined, quietly; "but none would be required to sec the age." A Napoleon Anecdote. When Napoleon was a student at Bri enne he happened to be asked by one of the examiners the following ques tion: "Supposing you were In an in vested town threatened with starvation, how would you supply yourself with provisions?" "From the enemy," re plied the sublieutenant of artillery; and this answer so pleased the examin ers that thoy passed him without fur thur questioning.