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MINES AND MINING.
Klondike Output of Gold for the Year 1900 Will Beach u local of S25.OO0.000. Dawson, V. T., August 18. The Klondike output of gold during the yeai 1900 will reach $25,000,000. Improved methods of mining, resulting from tne introduction of suitable ma chinery, together with a better knowl edge of conditions here, etc., cheapen ing the cost of production, and ground that was formerly unprofitable is now paying. Wages are fairly good, $0 per day and board being the ruling pay, and, while there are many idle men complaining of dull times, one who rta'ly wauts work can get it. i The action of the Canadian govern ment in prohibiting relooations on all the creeks and closing Bonanza and El dorado to locations, is driving out the prospector and small miner, and re- tards developmment to that extant. Capital is coming in, however, . and ' groups and blocks of claims ara being l.ought up for large workinga. It is the old story of the individual miner giving way to the syndicate, an -hunting new prospects.. Hundreds ( .these during the last spring have leu the Klondike and gone to American ' territory, where, it is claimed, the poor ' man has a better chance than here. ', Nome has taken the majority, but nam- have gone to nearer poirts. An early rush went to the Koyuknk, Vat late reports from there are very unfavorable. Parties just returned say that very little gold lias been taken out in that camp, and the ground JJis ex ceedingly difficult to work: on account of glaciers which overlie the bedrock. The Forty-Mile and Birch Creek dig gings, both of which were practically deserted in the rus"n to Dawson in 1897 and later in the Nome stampede last fall, are again coming into favor, for it fas never been disputed that there is much good ground there that will pay wages and more. The latest candidate for popular fa vor is the Tanana district. Reports from there are generally good. The ground is three to seven feet deep only, overlaying a slate and porphry bed-, rock, and there is plenty of water for sluicing, all of which makes it an ideal counrty for summer working. It is said to be easily approached from the Tanana river. One to four ounces per day is said to be the usual amount per man, shoveling into the sluices. The recent action of the United States government in surveying a rail road and telegraph route from Valdes to Eagle City, and its promptness in pushing through a trail with stations, etc., along the line, is attracting much attention here. The further fact that the various civil officers for the eastern division of Alaska, embracing the Koy ukuk, Tanana and Yukon water-sheds, are now duly installed at Eagle City, gives great satisfaction. It is a long Etep in the right direction, and great developments may be expected in Alas ka within a few years. Korthwest Notes. In Yamhill county, Or., hoppickers are quite generally paid by the pound. Walla Walla apples have taken a third prize at the Paris exposition. Deer are reported to be more numer ous in Coos county, Or., than for some years past. Spokane's assessed valuation is about $20,000,000, and the city's indebted ness is $2,388,159. Pomeroy. Wash., is rapidly rebuild ing, and in several cases substantial brick buildings will replace the old wooden ones destroyed by fire.. An evaporating plant of 20 tons ca pacity daily is in course of erection at Spokane. It will handle prunes and apples, and next year will also engage in canning. The barbed wire telephone line, con necting Condon, Or., with several of the ranches in the neighborhood, has been completed, and is pronounced a "great success." The Walla Walla Watchman has suffeied from "Too Much Johnson." A solicitor of that name made adver tising contracts for the paper, collected on them and suddenly departed. Work has commenced on the con struction of Rose burg's, Or., new water system. Pick and shovel men are ex cavating for the reservoir pn the hill between the town and Riverside addi tion. The Albany Herald says that people who are coming home from the moun tains report that numerous parties are hunting Denny pheasants. The game warden and his deputies are doing their best to stop the unlawful shooting. Mrs. L. J. Davis, of Jefferson, Or., met with a singular accident one day last week. She was canning green beans and a can exploded, the contents striking her in the face. Fortunately, her eyes were not seriously injured, and she will soon recover. A deal was consummate. 1 recently in Baker City, whereby 8,000 head of sheep changed hands and a check tor nearly $20,000 passed in payment. The sheep were the property of Gale Bros., of Baker, and the flock was one of the finest in the country. The purchaser was Mr. Nealy, of Idaho. The sheep will be transferred across Snake river into Idaho as soon as cool weater sets in. Pat Shine is the name of the chair man of the Spokane county Populist central committee. The outlook for beef-raisers is pretty good at present, says The Dalles Times Mountaineer. Buyers are offeiing to contract for cattle at 4 cents for fall delivery. " The Butteville, Or., hop region is the largest in the state, and the agree ment of growers to pay 35 cents a box is having an important bearing on the price to be paid pickers generally. Crass and water are both reported short in the mountains of Grant coun t , Or., and many bands of sheep will be in poor condition for the winter. From August 1 to 11 Walla Walla sent 35 carloads of fmits and vegeta bles to the North Central states. The shipments consisted principally of ap ples, pears, plums, potatoes and onions. The fund for work on the road be tween Eugene and Blue river, Or., has reached the respectable total of $5,241.50. Of this sum, Lane county's commissioners subscribed $2,500 and the Lucky Boy Mining Company $500. ALL ARE EAGER TO BUY. Countrj I Actively Preparing; for the Fall Trade. R. G. Dun & Co.'s weekly review of trade says: After a great wave of ad vancing prices, optimism as to business is generally dangerous. But the top was reached the middle ot March, since j which time reaction has tome to every I great industry, so that consumers are asking wbether in some directions the decline may have not been reasonably 1 large as was the advance, and whether buying on the present basis of prices is 1 not fairly sure. There are fresh evi dences of weakness in raw materials, notably the break in structural iron, but each one is availed of to place heavy contracts. New York is wel coming buyers from all over the conn- j try in larger numbers than for many years at this season, in drygbods, 'groceries,- in jewelry and in hardware, and if contracts are not placed to as large a volume as expected, it is be cause of the conservatism of those who think tbey may compel some further shading of prices. Reports this week from other important points of distri- . bution show the same eagerness to buy I when the time seems right. It is be coming more apparent that the bottom has been reached in prices of iion and steel. The decline was severe and re covery must be slow, but gradual ad vance and moderately increasing activ ity are more healthy than violent changes. In no single division is the improvement more striking than in any other. Except steel rails, all forma of iron from the ore to the finished pro- j duct are being sought more eagerly and with less effort to secure further con cessions in prices, but when the secre tary of. agriculture was reported as pre dicting "dollar wheat" before the end of the year, the market showed an in clination to disagree, and the Septem ber option fell below 80 cents for th first time in two months. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Seattle Market. Onions, new, lMc Lettuce, hot house, $1 per crate. Potatoes, new. $15. Beets, per sack, 85c$l Turnips, per sack, 75c. Squash 4c. Carrots, per sack, $1.00 Parsnips, per sack, $1.25. Cauliflower, native, 75c. Cucumbers 10 20c. Cabbage, native and California, 2c per pounds. Tomatoes 50 60". Butter Creamery, 25c; Eastern 22c; dairy, 15 18c; ranch, 14o pound. Eggs 24o. Cheese 12c. Poultry 12c; dressed, 14c; spring, 13 15c. Hay Puget Sound timothy, $11.00 12.00; choice Eastern Washington timothy, $16.00. Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $25; feed meal, $25. Barley Rolled or ground, per ton, $20. Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.50; blended straights, $3.25; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $6.00; gra ham, per barrel, $3.00; whole wheat flour, $3.25; rye flour, $3.804.00. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $12.00; shorts, per ton, $14.00. Feed Chopped feed, $19.00 per ton; middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal, per ton, $30.00. Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef steers, price 7Kc; cows, 7c; mutton 7; pork, 8c; trimmed, 9c; veal, 9 11c. Hams Large, 13c; small, 13 Hi breakfast bacon, 12c; dry salt sides, BHc. . Portland Market. Wheat Walla Walla. 54 c; Valley, 55c; Bluestem, 57c per bushel. Flour Best grades, $3.10; graham, $2.50; supertine, $2.10 per barrel. Oats Choice white, 87c; choice gray, 35c per bushel. Barley Feed barley, $15.0015. 50; brewing, $17.00 per ton. Millstuffs Bran, $13.00 ton; mid dlings, $20; shorts, $15; chop, $15 pex ton. Hay Timothy, $1112; clover,$7 7.50; Oregon wild hay, $67 per ton. Butter Fancy creamery, 45 50c; store, 27 Mc. Eggs 17c per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c; Young America, 14c; new cheese 10c per pound. Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.00 3.50 per dozen; hens, $5.00; springs, $2.504.00; geese, $4.005.00 for old; $4.506.50; ducks, $3.004.00 per dozen; turkey s, live, 16 17c per pound. Potatoes 40 50c per sack; sweets, 22c per pouna. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 75c; per sack; garlic, 7c per pound; cab bage, 2c per pound; parsnips, $1; onions, 1 Uc per pound; carrots, 90c. Hops 2 8c per pound. Wool Valley, 15 16c per pound; Eastern Oregon, 15 16c; mohair, 25 per pound. Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers and ewes, 3c; dressed mutton, 7 7)4c per pound; lambs, 6c. Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00; light and feeders, $4.50; dressed, $5.006.50 per 100 pounds. Beef Gross, top steers, $4. 00 4. 50; cows, $3.504.00; dressed beef, 6 7 c per pound. Veal Large, 6c; small, 8 8o per pound. San Francuco Market. Wool Spring Nevada, 11 13c per pound; Eastern Oregon, 1014c; Val ley, 1618c; Northern, 910c. Hops 1899 crop, 11 13c per pound. Butter Fancy creamery 2222.1i'c; do seconds, 21 21c; fancy dairy, 19c; doseconds, 16 18c per pound. Eggs Store, 17c; fancy ranch, 22c. Millstuffs Middlings, $17.00 20.00; bran, $12.5018.50. Hay Wheat $8 12; wheat and oat $8.00 11.00; best barley $8.50 alfalfa, $6.007.50 per ton; straw, '2537c per bale. Potatoes Early Rose, 30 75c; Ore gon Burbanks, 90c $1; river Bur banks, 30 60c; new. l&2c. Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia, $2.753.25; Mexican limes, $4.00 5.00; California lemons 75c$1.50; do choice $1.752.00 per box. Tropical Fruits Bananas , $1.50 2.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom inal; Persian dates. 66c per pound. T 1 I Science gSSrffvemion Railway authorities of the Mexican government have been ordered to use certain safety appliances. All the pas senger cars must be so equipped before the end of 1904. Forty -oue gas engines using blast-furnace gas are working in Germany, the total horse power aggregating 21,950. The horse power of such engines in Belgium is 3,700, France 3,250 and En gland 2,000. A company formed by English and American capitalists is about to build the largest wood-pulp plaut in the world at Grand Falls, New Brunswick. The works are to cost $0,000,000, and they wuT'-be capable of turning out 5,500 tons of white newspaper, 225 tons of ground wood pulp and 175 tons of sulphite pulp daily. A Russian chemist has found that copper is dissolved by an alkaline solu tion of gelatin, the copper going into solution as colloidal copper. The old rule that the metals are insoluble in water is being widely disproved, solu tions of metallic gold, mercury and sil ver, and now of copper, having been prepared quite recently. In all these the metals are in a very fine condition, but are true metallic solutions. In painting or papering the walls of tt room the question often arises, What color reflects the most and what the least light? Recent experiments in Ger many gave the following results: Dark blue reflects OVi per ceut. of the light falling upon it; dark green about 10 per cent.; pale red a little more than 10 per cent.; dark yellow, 20 per cent.; pale blue, 30 per cent.; paie yellow, 40 per cent.; pale green, 461:! per cent.; pale orange, nearly 55 per cent.; pale white, 70 per cent. Glossiness and var nish of course increase the amount of light reflected. The play of "Robinson Crusoe" Is now given in one of the Paris theaters with four animals in the cast of actors. These are a goat, a monkey, a paroquet, and chief of all, a dog who enacts the part of Robinson's faithful companion, Toby." The dog's real name is Faro, and a wrfter in La Nature says Jie will respond to that name only when in the street or at bis master's home, but on the stage .he answ'ers promptly the call, 'Toby." When Robinson shoots a bird, "Toby" runs and picks it up, climbs up a ladder into Robinson's but, and gives the bird to "Friday," who acts as cook. This vapor in the air is entirely In visible until the air. is brought to a tem perature just below the dewpoint, when a fog is formed. How often a dense fog in the morning is dissipated by the sun, and we say the sun has "burned off" the fog. Fog rarely forms except In a perfectly clear, still air. This per mits intense radiation from the ground and smoke particles, and this cooling finally brings the air to its saturation point, when the vapor either condenses on the smoke particles or on moisture particles, thus becoming visible in fog. When this fog occurs far above the earth It is cloud. A PLUCKY YACHTSWOMAN. She Steered a Boat a Long Distance with a Broken Wrist. The heroine of the Long Island coast is Miss Annie It. Tinker, only 19 years old, and the daughter of Henry C. Tinker, of New York. While out yacht ing she was steering the boat when she was struck by the fiying spokes of the wheel and her wrist fractured. She made no outcry, however, but remain ed at the wheel as if nothing had hap pened. Mr. Tinker's country residence, "Brlarcroft," is on the west side of the bay at Port Jefferson. Some time ago he had a yacht built, and when the boat was finished announced that in the near future he would give a lunch eon party to the men who worked upon It and their families. It was arranged that the party should be carried from the village of Briarcroft in one of Mr. Tinker's launches, and when the party got aboard Miss Tinker took her posi tion at the wheel. The minute the craft got under way the wheel spun round and struck Miss Tinker on the right arm. But not a word did the brave girl say of the accident, and steered the boat for a mile and a half withher left hand, to her father's land ing. When all were ashore she ordered her horse hitched and drove three miles to a doctor's office, where the bone was set. Returning home, she made no mention of the accident and assisted in entertaining her father's guests. SARDINES CANNED IN AMERICA. Few of the Toothsome Little Fish Are Brought from Abroad. "Next to the French the American leople are the largest consumers of sardines in the world," said a leading wholesale dealer In such canned goods In New York to the writer recently. "Last year the consumption of sardines in the United States amounted to 2,000,000 cases, or 200,000,000 cans. Of this quantity 1,400,000 cases were the product of the State of Maine, 150,000 cases were put up in California, and the remaining 450,000 cases came from France. Thirty years ago all the sar dines eaten in this country Were Im ported from France. To-day nearly 'nK TOI-Nf? TACHTSWOMAIT. three-quarters' of tire sardines sold her are put up in fifty-one packing-houses in Maine. These concerns are con trolled by a trust-company, which em ploys 6,000 workmen, who can turn out 1,500,000 cases of the fish annually. "In Maine sardines are caught off the western shores of the St. Croix River and Passamaquoddy Bay. The fishing season commences early In May and lasts until late In the fafl of the year. The fish are taken In brush weirs, re sembling "ordinary pound " nets, into which they are led by means of large leaders and wings, which terminate in a funnel-shaped entrance. Their, escape is prevented by the extension of these wings into the Inclosure, thereby form ing a triangular. hook at each end of It, so that the fish, as they circle inside tha weir, are directed past the entrance. When the fish are-plentiful in the nets quantities of scales appear upon the surface of the water. The nets are then lifted and their contents are dumped by the fishermen into their boats. -The fish make a little squeak when taken from the water and die almost instant ly. An ordinary cajch of sardines gives to each boat anywhere from 2,000 to (5,000 fish, the price of which is from $2 to $2.50 per 1,000, according to the quantity of fish that are being caught. "Arriving at the packing-house, the fish are carefully cleaned. This opera tion over, they are sorted according to size and carried into another part of the establishment, where they are put Into pickle. "The length of time required by this operation varies according to the size of the fish. After this the fish are washed and placed with care upon wire nets, called 'grills,' on which they are sent to the drying-room, where they aredriedby means of large fans or ven tilators run by powerful machinery. When dry and while still upon the grills the fish are cooked by plunging them into tanks containing boiling olive oil. After this cooking the sar dines, still upon the grills, are left to cool, and when cold the work of plac ing them in halves and quarter cans filled with olive oil, tomato and mus tard sauce is begun. This work done, the cans are sealed with, solder and are ready to be put in cases, holding 100 tins, for the market. "Like canned goods of every descrip tion, sardines are cheaper now than they formerly were, and American sar dines are sold for less than the im ported. American sardines are now exported from this country to the West Indies and South America." Washing ton Star. GUIDED BY HIS SON'S GHOST. Successful Gold-Seeker Was Piloted to a Find by a Spirit. There was something uncanny In the story that Albert Davis told at the Union depot. Albert Davis is a Blue Mountain prospector, bound for his old home in the village of Arkwrlght, N. Y. Not far from his home is Casadagua Lake, the assembly grounds of the Spiritualist cult, and from association with Spiritualists Mr. Davis became in time a sort of lukewarm believer in their teachings. He returns, he says, a true believer. He also returns with wealth in prospect. Mr. Davis told his story in the presence of several fellow passengers at the depot. It was In sub stance this: Three years ago his only son died. The father was all but heartbroken; he would not be comforted by the prom ises of his Spiritualist friends that the young man would come back to him. But oue night the boy did come, and again and again. After several of these nocturnal visits, the son told of ac quaintances that he had made In the spirit world, among them, he said, being one whose name was John Fremont. This spirit told of his wonderful life in the West, and among -other tales, one of a rich mine that he had discovered, but which never had been found by others. On subsequent visits the son told more particularly of the mine and gave detailed descriptions of its situa tion, until Mr. Davis became so deeply interested that he resolved to go in search of it. Two years agg he came to Colorado, and after a long search found the range of mountains that had been described to him. They were the Blue Mountains, near the Utah line. But his search was not completed. Weeks and months were spent in pros pecting and hunting for the marks on the surface that would disclose the hiding place of the treasure. He was on the point of giving up, and also of losing faith in the spirits, when one evening he'eame ftnto the very spot that he was searching for. He knew It, he said, as well as if he had been there be fore. Mr. Davis lost no time in making a mineral location, and is now returning to bis old home to get money, when he will return to Colorado to develop the mine to which the spirit directed him. He has not yet found ore, but he ex pressed a firm belief that it was there. Denver Republican. Honor to White of Selborne. Gilbert White, the father ofall tht nature lovers and observers who are so common since Thoreau, is to have an ideal memorial. The forest of Wool nier, one of the crown properties of England, is to be made into an asylum for the wild creatures of England, and surrounded by defenses to keep out all intruders, though the forest will be al ways open to men of White's sort. A statue of the Selborne parson will stand at the main entrance, with hand raised in the act of liberating a bird that has been trapped. Gamekeepers and watchmen will guard the forest night and day; cat nor dog will be al lowed to enter the paradise of free life. This is a wonderful thing to contem plate in this day of indiscriminate and exterminating slaughter, and it Is a beautiful honor' to Gilbert White. Springfield Republican: No Oysters in the Baltic. Oysters cannot live in the Baltic Sea. The reason Is that it is not salt enough. They can only live in water that con tains at least thirty-seven parts of salt In every 1.000 parts of water. One of China's Superstitions. Black dogs and black cats are the fa vorites in China in the line of food, be cause when eaten In, midsummer they will insure health and strength. "I have lived nearly eighty years," an old man said the other day, "and have seen very little to live for." SET BURGLAR UP IN BUSINESS. Novel Experience of a Physician Who Dressed a Housebreaker's Wounds. . "The strangest patient I ever had," said a prominent physician of this city the ether evening, "was a burglar. My acquaintance with him began in a sin gular manner. "After I was graduated I was en gaged at night in one of the lacgest hospitals In New York, where I saw many strange sights. One night our ambulance brought in a prisoner pa tient, accompanied by two policemen. The officers said .that the, man had been surprised while attempting to rob an apartment In a large flathouse. A po liceman was called, who chased him Into a room with a window opening on an airs!) a ft. "It was warm weather and the shaft window was open, as was also the window in the apartment on 'the op posite side. Finding himself closely pursued, the burglar, who was young and athletic, Jumped from one window to the other, jumped across the airshaft "He landed In the other apartment all right, but fell plump on a man who was asleep In bed close to the "shaft window. The sleeper so rudely awak ened gave a yell and attempted t& seize the burglar The mtter, in seeking to elude him and at the same time avoid the policeman, who was at the opposite window, threatened to shoot, fell down the airshaft and was badly Injured. "I made an examination and found that he had broken his right leg at the ankle, was considerably bruised, and also suffering from shock from his fall. I fixed him up all right and he remained ? prisoner in the hospital for several weeks. At first he was morose and surly, but gradually he began to show gratitude for the kind treatment he received. He became a favorite with all the doctors and we gradually learned his story. "He had been an honest, hard work ing man in another city and had come to New York to better himself. Hav ing no friends here, he was unable to obtain work and soon spent all his lit tle savings. He kept getting poorer and poorer, and while penniless and almost starving attempted his first burglary by breaking Into the - flat where he was caught "We took such an Interest in him that, although he was convicted, the judge suspended sentence upon our proving his previous good character and that it was his first offense. He' was an expert tinsmith and we raised a subscription and set him up in busi ness in a little shop. We sent all our friends to him and he prospered and now has a large store he-e. He mar ried and has several children and 1 have been his family physician for years. Although all the doctors at the hospital helped him at the start, he showed his gratitude especially to me, as I received him and fixed up his broken leg the night he was brought a nrisoner to the hospital." '. William Pett Ridge, the author of "Mord Em'ly" a story of the East End of London has had his new novel, "A Breaker of Laws," published In this country by the Macmillan Company. Mrs. Esther Baker Steele has built a fine public library in Ehuira, out of the royalties from her own books and the text books of her late husband, J. Dor man Steele. This Is to "be called the Steele Memorial Library, in memory of her husband. "The Enslavement and Emancipa tion of the People" is a little book by J. B. Herboldshimer, in which phases of a prominent question of political economy are considered. The author paints the present condition of the in dustrial world, and suggests an original and practical solution of its problems. The work Is published by the author, at Gibson. City. III. An author's manuscript often has strange experiences before It reaches Its destined publisher if it ever does. Certain members of the new firm of Doubleday, Page & Co. received the other day the "copy" of "The Sea-Far-ers, a novel by Mary Gray Morrison. Each remembered it as a manuscript they had passed favorably on some years ago, when they occupied the po sitions .of under readers in separate houses, but, alas, the head readers did not agree with tbem, and so the manu script started on its wanderings once more. It will now travel no further, for its date of publication has been set for the near future. Minute Measure lor Temperature. Prof. S. P. Langley, of the Smith sonian Institution of Washington, has recently improved his wonderful bol ometer, an Instrument for accurately measuring the most minute variations of temperature. He is now able to de tect variations in temperature as slight as the one eighteen-millionth of a de gree Fahrenheit If the temperature of the air were slowly and steadily to rise at the rate of but one degree a year this instrument could measure the change which would tale place at this rate In each second of time. The ap paratus is kept shaded and fully pro tected in a constant temperature room, which is not allowed . to vary more than a fraction of a degree the year around. Southern Moonshiners. The great majority of moonshiners are to be found in the mountain fast nesses of Georgia, Alabama and Ten nessee, and here they live in conditions of civilization as crude as their ances tors, most of whom were English fugi tives from justice who reached this country more, than a century ago. In deed, in many respects these descend ants have retrograded rather than ad vanced. Had they been surrounded for a century by a Chinese wall they could not have been more destitute or ignorant of the modern conveniences. It doesn't pay to stick your nose into other people's business unless you ar a lawyer. In a quarrel, the one that gets tha worst of tt is the first to become mean. HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Curious and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Por trayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun. Anxious Father I suppose among other virtues you are training Freder ick in economy? Employer He's pretty well up In that; you ought to see how careful he Is about wasting steps! Nashville American. Table Talk. She That Mr. Boorisch, of Chicago, is a .man of pronounced tastes, is he not? . He Monotonously so. He makes the same sounds over his soup as he does over his meat or pie. Philadelphia Press. . At the Summer Hotel. "Who is that good-looking young waiter who is tossing the plates across the room? Is he a student, too?" "Yes, He holds the record In Harvale for discus throwing." Cleveland Plain dealer. Family Pride. Small Child (calling) 'Ere, Billy! Run and fetch ve bloomin' amber lance! Billy (from distance) Wot's up, ven? Small Child Muvver's met ve lydy wot pinched ar doormat Sketch. Her Weakness. "I don't suppose your wife will care to go to the lecture on 'Cannibalism' to-night?" "Oh, yes, she will. She never neg lects to go anywhere where they talk about things to eat." Cleveland Plain dealer. -There Are Many Such. Mrs. Hoon You can believe very lit tle that Mrs. Gabbleby says. Mr. Hoop No; the poor woman is sadly afflicted with palpitation of the Imagination. Puck. In the Rhetoric Class. Young Professor Give me an exam ple of sarcasm. Sweet Junioress The phrase, "Man's superiority to woman." Somerville Journal. A Real Vacation. "You and your wife don't seem to talk to each other much when you travel." "No; we agreed before we started that we'd get rested." Chicago Record. Rather Ambiguous. Old Gentleman How old are you, my little man? Newsboy Nearly 7, sir. Old Gentleman And how long have you been in the newspaper business? Newsboy Oh, ever since I was a kid. Chicago News. Needed No Help. Sympathetic Friend Won't you come down to lunch? Shall I bring anything up for you? Seasick Sufferer Thanks. No, I can do all that for myself. Fun. Wanted a Wife. Miss Antique You ought to get mar ried, Mr. Oldchapp. j Mr. Oldchapp (earnestly) I have wished many times lately that I had a wife. ' I Miss Antique (delighted) Have you, really? I Mr. Oldchapp Yes. If I had a wife she'd probably have a sewing machine, and the sewing machine would have an oil can, and I could take it and oil my office chair. It squeaks horribly. New York Weekly. Different. "Did you ever enjoy a straw ride in the country?" "No." "By George, old man, you ought to go on one once!" "I have. I said I never enjoyed one." Puck. Could Speak Feelingly. "Her father, you say, gave you a pretty broad hit that he didn't want you coming there any more, did he?" "No. 10, E width," brefly responded the young man. Chicago Tribune. teemed Fair. "I'd like to know, of course," said the new man, with some concern, "whether my job Is to be permanent or not." "Well," returned the employer, "you can stay as long as you please. That's fair, Isn't it?" "Certainly. I'm much ob " "On the other hand, I reserve the right to discharge you whenever I please. That's equally fair, Isn't it?" "Ye-es, I suppose so:" Chicago Trib une. - 1- ' A Scandal Spoiled. Miss Goussip I haven't heard any thing of Miss Pechis since I got back from abroad. Miss' Kidder No, she's living under another name now. Miss Goussip (scenting a scandal) Aha! I thought that girl would come to that. She thought she was so hand some, and Miss Kidder So did Mr. Milyuns. That's how. she happened to become Mrs. Milyuns." Philadelphia Press. Midsummer Science. "Pa, what is action and reaction?" "Well, George, my white duck suits make me cool, and my laundry bills make me hot" What He Paid to Learn. "I waited three solid hours for that palm reader id get around to me." "Well?" "He told me I didn't get on in life because of my tendency to fool away time." A Hot-Weather Error. "Did Wiggs' garden party go off all right?" "No; they took ns all into the house and made us play euchre." Diagnosed His Case. He I feel like a fool to-night. She So glad you've recovered. Journal Four Tous. A Good Suit. Bobbs Clothes do not make the man. Dobbs No, but many a lawyer has been made by a good suit Baltimore American. Swelling the Lost Dog Column. "Do you keep a dog?" "Never more than a couple of days." Cleveland Plaindealer. An Explanation. Mistress Why, Jane, what In the world Is the matter with the cream? Jane I don't ,see anything wrong with it, ma'am. Mistress But what makes It so pale? Jane I reckon that's because I nearly beat the life out of it when you ordered it whipped, ma'am. Chicago News. Egotistical. She I adore all that is beautiful, grand and noble. He Really, you flatter me. Chicago News. Recovered It. "Mrs. Highsome did not seem to be in good voice at that musicale the other evening." "She was after she got home. I heard her roasting Highsome for having in sisted on her trying to sing." Chicago Tribune. Ask for What You Want. "My dear, won't you give me a Iocs of your hair?" "With pleasure, my darling." "And a nice gold locket to keep It In? Sondags-Nisse. Parental Beduction. Mrs. Homestead Onr son at Yale writes that he received our letter and immediately takes pains to reply. Mr. Homestead Thet don't surprise me any the fust sight of anythin' re sembliu' work tillers gave that boy a pain somewhar or other. Judge. Too Wise to Let Go. "Why can't you afford a vacation trip, Billy? You need a rest." "A rest? When I go away for a week: the other boys in the office pile up three weeks' work on me." Chicago Record. Their Deceit. She-Appearances are deceitful. He Yes; a person can never tell Just how much it is going to cost to keep them up. Puck. Built to Fit the Flat. "Oh, Isabel, what a queer looking grandfather's clock!" - "Grandfather's clock! That's our Ice chest" Indianapolis Journal. Premature. "Well, old man, I am going down to, the seashore to visit my fiancee," "Who Is she?" "How do I know?" Life. The Cheerful Idiot. "I can't see," said the shoe clerk boarder, "why a Sctochman should say 'hae' for 'have.' " "It is his economical disposition. He saves a V every time he does so," said the Cheerful Idiot Indianapolis Press. Miss Summit That young Mr. Gallo way doesn't know nearly as much as L thought he did. Miss Palisade You must remember he has been out of college fully two years now. Life. The Reply Unkind. Leading Lady What did you think of my facial expression? Soubrette I didn't notice any. Ha per's Bazar. He Settled It. It was In the 'bus. "Let me pay your fare," the first girl said. "No; let me pay yours," said the sec ond. i "No; I insist on paying yours." "No, you don't; I will pay yours.1 "Nor; I will." 1 "I will!" ) "I " There Is no telling what might have happened had not an old meddler, who was seated opposite, leaned over and said: "Listen, young ladies; do not lose your heads. I think I can settle this matter without blood being shed. Each of you pay for the cither, neither for herself; that will make it right neither of you out. Do you see?" 'Oh, how nice!" they both exclaim ed, and when the conductor came round they did what the old meddler sug gested. Both then sat pleased and magnanimous looking until the end of' the ride. , -' ' The more a boy expects the less h gaams to acquire,