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AN ARDENT SWEETHEART.
For twenty years my sweetheart has been courting me she can Use the ardent efforts of the most effu sive man; In these years she's tried to win me by the art that love displays, And I confess she pins me by the sweet ness of her ways. She has no hesitation to embrace me or to kiss Me on my lips a hundred times am I wrong in telling this? She's a wooer most affectionate and she always says that she Wouldn't take the trouble of this living but for me. I onght to fall in love with her, and I'm certain that I would If I were but as honest and as true blue as she's good; For true enough she is to me my only bright sunshine My sweetheart is no other than that gen tle wife of mine. Denver News. HT was about 4 o'clock one after noon In February, and Hippesley was sitting on the veranda of the Cafe de Paris at Monte Carlo. He sat, deep In thought, his ears mechanically, listening to the strains of the little Hungarian band a few yards away from him. He was thinking of the rea son that had brought him to the place. He had been abroad for twelve years, yet, within a month of his return, he had left again and hurried to spend a few days on the Riviera before taking steamer at Marseilles It was absurd, be knew it, but the longing to see her face again was Irre sistible. He would not seek an oppor tunity of speaking with her the scheme on which their lives had been worked out made this impossible. He simply had an overwhelming desire to see her. Then he could go back to his lonely life, not happy he could never be that, but with a fresh picture of the one woman he had ever loved. He noticed a smart carriage draw np before the broad steps of the Casino, and, almost simultaneously, a man and a woman came out of the building. The man was middle-aged, a trifle heavy in build and faultlessly dressed. He handed the lady Into her carriage. Hip pesley, as he caught sight of her face, gave a start, and clutched hold of the table. She was a young Englishwo man, magnificently beautiful. The color left his face, and he riveted his eyes on her. He watched her smil ingly say "good-by" to the man on the steps, then the carriage turned and drove rapidly away. As it vanished from sight be sank back in his chair, his mouth twitching. His throat seem ed dry and parched; he stretched for ward and drank some tea at a gulp. Then the voices of two men talking Just behind him reached his ears. "That was the Princess Zandra she Is living at the villa Erondel, at Beau " lieu." "Enormously rich?" "She was till a day or so ago." The man lowered his voice. Hippesley found himself straining for the next words. "I happen to know," came in almost a whisper, "that the late prince was sufficiently ill-advised to invest nearly all his money in an enterprise that has recently come to the ground with a crash, and the princess, who never had the slightest suspicion of ber affairs not being in a satisfactory state, has suddenly been told that another year at her present rate of expenditure will leave her penniless." "What will she do?" "Go on living as she has done and marry again! Women with such beau ty can pick and choose there are no hard places for them. Rumor says it will be the man who has just left her. He is not a good man, but he is pas sionately In love with her, and a mil lionaire twice over." Hippesely rose from his seat, and, making his way round to the terrace, sank into a seat. He felt he could hear no more. It was all so- curious, so startlingly strange. To think that the girl he had left living with her father on the outskirts of a quiet English country town should have de veloped into this wonderful Princess Zandra, whose beauty was known throughout Europe. And they had loved one another! He had gone abroad with the hope of making a name for himself, of being able to claim her. But ill-luck had dogged him, and the time had never come when he could write to her. He had left her free, and as the years went by, bringing nothing but persistent failure, he knew that it was not for him to possess the only thing he counted worth having. Occasionally scraps of Intelligence as to the course her life had taken drifted to him. Her father had died, and she bad gone to live with a wealthy aunt in London. From stray papers that reached him he learned that her beauty had caused quite a sensation In society. Then at last came the news that she had mar ried a foreigner of great position. Prince Zandra. He wondered if she ever thought of him remembered the night he had confessed his love to her. Not a day had passed in those long years of fail ure but her image had been before him. Now, at length, when he had achieved some slight success. It was too late. All that was left for him was to take the absurd little Journey of sentiment. Early next morning he traveled to Beaulleu. He got out at the railway station and, following the path that led round to St Jean, passed the fishing village, and gained the point There he sank down on the ground, and gave himself up to his reflections. It was a perfect morning, a cloudless sky, the air soft and pregnant with the perfume of the roses that grew right to the edge of the tiny cliff. Some thirty feet be low him was the sea, not a ripple cn Its smooth surface, the clear blue tints gleaming in the sunshine. ' ' ' . " . "" Presently he was aware of a woman -gazing curiously at him. The next mo ment tbey bad recognized one another. She went suddenly pale and ber lips parted in wonder. "Ralph!'-she gasped. He looked at her mutely. He was face X A Sentimental Journey, f ; 1...... T DENMARK'S THREE LITTLE ISLANDS. Puerto The Danish West Indies, which Den mark has been notified must not be sold to any other power but the United States, are three little Islands lying immediately east of Porto Rico at the gateway of the Caribbean Sea. Santa Cruz is the larg est of the three, and contains seventy four square miles of territory, more than fire-sixths of which is under cultivation. Its total population is 20,000, most of which is of negro descent. St. Thomas is the second in size, and is the first in im portance because of its situation and fine harbor. St. Thomas also contains the commercial metropolis, of the islands, the town of Charlotte Amelia, which is bet ter known as St Thomas. Charlotte Amelia is a town of 12,000 inhabitants, and the total population of the island is only a few hundreds larger. St Thomas contains but thirty-three square miles of territory, most of it too rocky for culti vation. The third island in the bunch for which the United States now proposes to pay 13,240,0000, is St. John, a little rocky islet on which less than a thousand people live. Altogether the purchase would add but 34,000 people and less than 110 square miles of territory to the Unit ed States. In .1867 Secretary of State Seward made an attempt to bay these islands for $7,500,000. The Danish government agreed to make the sale, provided the people of the islands were agreeable to it The Rev. Dr. Hawley, pastor of the church which the Secretary attended at Auburn, N. Y., was sent to St Thomas to supervise an election held to give the people a chance to express their views. On all three islands but twenty-two votes were cast against the proposed anion with the United States, several thousand being recorded in its favor. The senti ment of the people was almost unani mous. But the plan had many opponents in Congress. Chief among these was Senator Sumner, then the head of the committee on foreign relations. He pigeonholed the treaty and prevented its consideration for a long time. A good many years later another at tempt was made to buy out Denmark's possessions in the Caribbean. This time the price was fixed at less than $5,000, 000, but in spite of the reduction, it came to nothing. Meanwhile King Chris tian and the Danish government have been growing increasingly anxious to sell. Denmark is not and is not likely to become a great naval power, and the chief value of the islands lies in the fact that St Thomas has a good harbor and commands the gateway to the Caribbean Sea. Besides, the islands are not self supporting. Whatever the islands may lack in any other direction they are strong In his toric and romantic interest. They were discovered by Columbus on his second voyage to America, in 1493. But Colum bus was not looking for a few little scat tered islands, and when he found how small they were he hoisted sail and went away after naming them the Virgin Isl ands. Then for more than 150 years they lay unvisited by white men. In 1657 some adventurous Dutchmen sailed into the. splendid harbor of St Thomas and started a little settlement there. That lasted for ten years. Then the Dutch gave up the attempt and a few years later the Danes took their place. Since then the English, French and Spanish have alternated In the control of one or more of the islands, which finally passed under the permanent control of Denmark in 1815. But the chief romantic interest which attaches to St Thomas lies in the fact that it was for years one of the headquar ters of the famous pirates and bucca to face with her at last and the blood went throbbing through his veins. "Yes just Ralph!" he said mechani cally. She held out her hand, and be took It awkwardly. "And to think it is you after all these years!" she said softly. ' Hippesley did not speak. His thoughts had flown back a dozen years to the night when he had left her. An indefinable idea came to him that she, too, was thinking of the same thing. "I won't lie!" he said, abruptly. "I am not here by chance. I heard you were on the Riviera, and, after all these years, I wanted to see you again just to see you. I had no notion of speak ing." She gazed at him steadily, as if try ing to read his thoughts. , "You have loved me all this time?" she asked, slowly. He bowed his head. She turned away with a little sob. "And you never wrote!" she cried. "Oh, why didn't you write?" "I was a failure such an otter fail ure I could not write to claim you," he said, hoarsely. "You did well; I wasn't worth waiting for." m She looked at him, the tears glisten ing in ber eyes. "What a Jumble Fate made of our lives!" she sighed. "It did not matter; you are the Prin cess Zandra." "Oh. I am tired, tired to death of It all!" she cried In a tone of weariness. "To have to live in an artificial world, among people who are not my people there is no one left to me now and to have to begin it all over again," she added In a half-sorrowful, musing tone. He understood. He remembered the words he had overheard at the cafe. It was all true then. She looked up at him quickly with "a smile. "But you, Ralph what have yon done?" she asked, gently. ' "For years nothing. Now, at last, I've got a small estate In Ceylon. It's a fair living whilst I worked hard not a bad life, too, for a man who has lost bis am bitions." , "No, not a bad life," she repeated. "A lonely one. though." She gave a little laugh; there was an Infinite note of sadness in it. "As lonely as mine has been!" . She lifted ber bead, and their eyes met He read something in her gaze neers who so long Infested and ravaged the Spanish Main. Before steamships were invented St Thomas was more than it is to-day. a roadhouse of the seas, a sort of ocean half-way house between the continents. Into its great harbor Span ish galleons and heavily laden slave ships ran for shelter, and the buccaneers bang ing close about were certain of good pick ing. Sometimes the pirate ships even pursued their prey Into the land-locked harbor, and under the eyes of the town captured it All three of the islands are thought to be the tops of what were once volcanic mountains. Io appearance they are typi cally tropical. When a ship sails into the harbor of Charlotte Amelia, for in stance, the passenger sees a fringe of low white houses along the shore, shining against a background of glossy green, while behind and above towers a line of stately hills, covered for most of their height with thick, tropical foliage. Al most all the houses have bright red roofs, and the whole landscape is a riot of vivid color. Charlotte Amelia is remarkable among tropical cities in that it is ex tremely clean a fact which must be laid to the credit of the Danes. Its straight streets, lined on either side with two story wooden houses, are paved with as phalt with wide gutters on either side. When rain falls on the hills swift cur rents of water rush down through these streets, washing out the gutters and mak ing it easier to keep the town clean. Almost every house has a balcony across the front of its second story. One of the most picturesque sights to be seen at St Thomas is the procession of coal carriers, which is ceaselessly passing from the docks down into the holds of vessels lying alongside. The coal carriers are all stalwart negro wom en, who carry great baskets filled with coal on their heads. They work in day and night shifts, and after darkness falls they sing weird songs as they work. In spite of the fact that the introduction of steam has taken much business away from St. Thomas, it is still a busy place, and as a result its people have little of the tropical lassitude and laziness about them. They do not even stop work to take a siesta in the middle of the day. Prior to 1848 both St Thomas and the larger Island of Santa Cruz . produced large quantities of sugar. In that year Denmark freed all the slaves, and as a result most of the negroes left the plan tations and gathered into the towns. The sugar planters could not get sufficient la bor to work their plantations, and the industry almost disappeared. More re cently it has been resumed on a consid erable scale, particularly on Santa Cruz, where there is a great quantity of fertile land. On this island many of the former slaves have set up as the proprietors of small plantations, and its annual produc tion of sugar is now 12,000 tons, a sup ply sufficient to supply the wants of the United States for two days. The temperature of the Island of Santa Cms ranges from 66 to 82 degrees. It has many magnificent driveways, leading through avenues of palms, tamarinds, and bananas. There are two towns on the island Fredericksted and Chrlstiansted. Neither is of any importance from a com mercial standpoint Practically all of the 20,000 inhabitants of the island speak English, and the only sign of their alle giance to Denmark is the flag and a lit tle garrison of about 100 Danish soldiers. Fredericksted Is a tumble-down town of stucco-covered, two-storied buildings, the fissures in the walls and the tumbling walls being a result of the sack of the city in 1878, when the negroes on the island revolted against the Danish government a something that sent him trembling from head to foot" "My God, EsmeP' he cried. "If if you were not the Princess Zandra!" He saw her eyes suddenly shine, the color rush to ber cheeks. "Remember only that I am a poor woman again P' she whispered. "That I've never forgotten, never could for get " Her voice died away. His brain was in a whirl it seemed hardly possible. "But the lifeP he cried. -Think, af ter all, you've " "I only loved once It was yon I thought had forgotten " The low, soft voice came to a stop. They stood looking Into one another's eyes. "Don't send me back to the old life again, Ralph," sbe murmured. Gilbert Dayle, In Mainly About People. EAGLE FIGHTS A MAN. Fierce Attack on a Maine Farmer by a Bis Feathered Bobber. . One of the fiercest battles between man and bird of which there is any re cord In Maine took place the other day In a Washington county barnyard. Rufus Berry, of East Machias, and an eagle of great size were the combat ants. The eagle, whose wings measured eight feet from tip to tip, bad previously visited the barnyard and carried off one of the farmer's sheep and had returned for more mutton when Berry happened to be around with a gun bandy. Berry's first shot knocked the big bird over and thinking the eagle was dead he ran to secure his prize. That was where Farmer Berry made a great mistake.1 No sooner had be touched the bird than it rose upon him. clawing and pecking fiercely at his eyes and face and finally sinking Its talons deep Into the flesh of his arm, so that although more than willing to call it a draw, he could not get out of the -ing. For half an hour Berry stood the pecking and clawing and gouging and the fearful beating of the eagle's wings and then backing up to a fence be man aged to get bold of a club with which be killed the bird. The eagle was mounted by a Bangor taxidermist and sold to a Milwaukee man, who placed it In a museum Eagles are common In the eastern and northern parts of Maine and when at tacked are very fierce. HOfiSE SHOE STYLES. THEY ARE GREATLY VARIED IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. None Can Eqnal American Makes for Utility and Merit of Workmanship Many Kinds or Iron Footwear in Vmo In Late Tears. On Twelfth street, near the new city hall, is a show window that holds many attractions for horsemen and lovers of the curious, says the St Louis Globe Democrat It contains nothing but rusty, discolored horseshoes, but such Is the variety and character of the col lection that it is surpassed by but one other in existence. Shoes ranging in style and beauty from the dainty rac ing plate that has been worn, by thoroughbreds In record-breaking per formances to the antiquated patterns used more than 150 years ago are in the collection, and about each shoe some thing of Interest can be told by F. C. Snow, the owner of the collection. Probably the oldest and most valued of the collection is a shoe known to have been made by a Pontiac Indian In 1743. The shoe was for years an ex hibit in the Detroit Historical society's headquarters, but came to its present owner through a member of the Case family, in whose possession the shoe has been kept for generations. Con sidering, the tools and the period, the shoe is really an excellent piece of workmanship. The calks, or toes, as people unversed in shoeing lore would term them, are small, the whole shoe showing that, with the exception of the improvement in manufacture, the gen eral conception of the horseshoe of that period Is still the basis of manufacture. Other shoes of interest rarely seen in these days are those for oxen. Each ox wore eight shoes in the old days, one on either toe on each foot " Like the horseshoes of the early part of the cen tury, those for oxen now used In the west have been changed but little In re cent decades. The smallest shoes in the collection are those of burros from the Rockies and old Mexico. In contrast with them the huge shoes commonly used in Eng land and Belgium are most noticeable. Both the larger makes are clumsy and exhibit poor workmanship. The aver age size of English shoes is greater than that of any other country. Comparison of American horseshoes with those of other countries easily gives the palm to the manufacturers in this country. A specimen of the French shoe of the variety known as "country shoe" shows clumsy work manship on a poorly shaped shoe with which square-headed nails are used. From Arabia Mr. Snow has secured two specimens of the shoes used upon the famous steeds of the deserts. One is a rough-shaped plate of hammered iron. From this blank the shoe is shaped to provide what horseman know as ."roller motion." The toe is turned up at an. angle of 45 degrees, the ends being shaped and fastened together with a rivet instead of being welded as in this country. Such a shoe would kill a horse if used upon the cobble stones of St Louis. Probably as odd a shoe as is found in the collection is one that was used"in Ireland. The iron shoe proper is of common pattern, save that it has two lugs, or projections, pierced with screw holes. By means of screws the shoe is fastened to a board platform two in ches thick and about twelve inches square. When it is desired to use the horse upon one of the peat bogs the wooden platform is .screwed or bolted fast to the horse's shoe. Despite the awkwardness of such footwear the wear ers soon learn to avoid stumbling and make surprising headway. Similar shoes are worn in the peat bogs of California. Among the new varieties of shoes are those with a rubber heel plate or cush ion, designed to break the concussion of the heavy blows struck by horses when moving rapidly over granite pave ments. Such shoes are worn by the horses in the city ambulance service. Among the other curious in the collec tion are mule shoes from Havana and Santiago, one from Gnayamos, Porto Rico, near which battery A came so close to a baptism of fire. Shoes from Australia and from a dozen other coun tries, all of which are little better in workmanship that those used In this country half a centurv aeo. nnri m equal to the shoes worn by the average aray norse in this country. Though many nailless shoes have been ed, they have never been successful. CHINESE TEACUPS. They Are Rapidly Growing: In Favor In Western Countries. Although it is several centuries since Occidentals adopted Chinese tea as a daily beverage it is only of late that they have begun to nse the Chinoao ta service. Like all Mongolian institu tions, it. is the opposite of our own. The service consists of a metal ntnn1 In which rests a large cup. Over the cup fits a saucer and alongside of it is sta tioned a little cup scarcely larirer thnn an egg. The metal stand is of brass or Dronze, tnough wealthy mandarins use silver and even eold. The in vera nrtT D should be of the handsomest porcelain. it is very rarely plain. The commonest variety have a monocrom fluid nn which are enameled leaves and flowers in color. . Another beautiful variety is made of crackle ware, nn whn sup. face is wreathed a bronze dragon. Swatow cups are generally decorated with little crabs, fishes, beetles or lo custs in natural color and high relief, while Nanking cups are tinged with sang de boeuf, imperial blue, or impe rial yellow. The saucer should be of the same material, according to tie tastes of the owner. The service In nlnrori hofnro the truests at the beginning of the meat A small quantity of tea leaves is thrown into the large cup, covered with boil ing water. To keep the steam in the saucer is Inverted over the cup. It is allowed to stand for two minutes and then the guest i holding the large cup wim tne tnumD ana middle finger and guiding the saucer with tho fnrofl strains and pours the fluid into the lit tle cup. It seems simple, but until a per son has practiced repeatedly it is a very difficult task. The average Occidental scaias nis fingers and drop the tea on the table, and often lets fall the cup and saucer together. The large cup will fill the small cup three times, and then boiling water is again poured over the leaves. If the leaf be of fine quality the second drawing Is about as good as the first After the second drawing Is finished the cup is removed, the spent leaves are thrown away and a fresh supply Is put In their place. The ser vice Is a very Important element In the Chinese household. The cheapest set costs ten cents In China and twenty five cents in New York. The figures run up from this limit and when crack le ware, porcelain and silver stands are employed they reach $5 and $6. New York Evening Post, i GOOD I Short StorieS The painter Mokart, who was some times as taciturn as Von Moltke, sat for an hour one evening at dinner next to the soubrette, Josephine Gallmeyer, without volunteering a word. Finally she" lost patience, and exclaimed: "Well, dear master, suppose we change the subject" The following unique claim is posted on a mine in the Grand Encampment, In Wyoming: "We found it, and we claim It by the right of founding it. It's omn. It's 750 feet in every direction except southwest and northeast, and there is 300 feet on each side of this writin'. It's called the 'Bay Horse,' and we claim even the spurs, and we don't want nobody Jumping on this Bay Horse that's what's these trees is around here for, and we've got the same piece of rope that we had down in old Missouri." During a confirmation tour in the dio cese of Peterborough, the late Bishop of London put up one evening at an old manor house, and slept in a room supposed to be haunted. Next morning at breakfast the Bishop was asked whether he had seen the ghost "Yes," he replied, with great solemnity, "but I have laid the spirit; it will never trou ble you again." Being further que tioned upon the subject, the Bishop said: "The ghost instantly vanished when I asked for a subscription toward the restoration of Peterborough Cathe dral." Tim Murphy, the popular comedian, saw an old colored woman sitting un der an awning fanning herself, when he was in Washington, D. C. "It's dreadfully hot, isn't It mammy?" ask ed Mr. Murphy. " 'Deed It Is, chile," said the old woman; '."deed it is. 'Tain't right for it to be so hot this-a-way. I tell you, forty years ago, when the blessed Lawd made the weather, we didn't have these stewing days, honey, no, 'deed, we didn't; but now these blggety men up at this here weather office has the making of the weather, they does send us anything they please, and they ain't skillful, chile, they ain't skillful." Lord Rathmore has told a friend how he once took "Ouida" In to dinner and how disappointed he was to find that the novelist devoted herself to the dishes rather than to intellectual re freshment He said at last in despair at having only been able to get "Yes" and "No" in answer to the different subjects he introduced: "I'm afraid I'm singularly unfortunate in my choice of topics. Is ther? anything we could talk about to interest you?" To which the chronicler of Society's shortcom ings replied: ."There is one thing which would interest me very much. Tell me about the duchesses; I have written about them all my life and never met one yet." Not long ago an American professor attended a reception in the royal pal ace, given by the Kaiser to an associa tion of scientists, at which William ap peared in the gorgeous robes of rovalty. preceded by liveried chamberlains bearing the crown and insignia. It was a most impressive display, and when the professor came away he said to a friend: "I am a republican to the back bone, but I believe that if monarchs are necessary they should be monarchs to the last bit of gold lace, Just as William is Kaiser." The next day his mend had an audience with the Kai ser, and in the course of the conversa tion told him what the American pro fessor had said. The Kaiser laughed heartily. "That is exactly what I be lieve," he said; "Dom Pedro of Brazil illustrated the folly of trying to be a republican on a throne." How ITon Spend ITonr Life. Did you ever stop to inquire how you actually occupy the hours of your life? Supposing you are an average business man, how will your account on the book of time appear when it is balanced at the end of three-score and ten years? The largest item will be sleep, which has consumed twenty-five jea-s--a lit tle more than one-third of your life. It counted rapidly during childhood, less rapidly in age, and was at a minimum during the working days of middle Ufa Those working days will count twenty one years, and in the course of them you will read for two years and write for a year and seven months. The next item will be that of pleasure, which will have consumed nine years, and your walking will have consumed six and one-half years more. Then your eating acounts will show that you have sat at the table, stood at lunch counters or cuddled elsewhere for five years. Sou will also have a dressing account of three and one-half . years, which will have been devoted to but touing and unbuttoning remember it is a man who is being considered. In this dressing account you will find eight charged to bathing account and seven months to shaving. New-York Herald. ' Seattle's Proposed. Canal. : Seattle purposes to build a canal eight miles long from Puget sound to Lake Washington, which is twenty miles long and 200 feet deep, and will make an ideal harbor. A good many women too good to gos sip take care to Invite several lively gossips to their parties, in order to keep the guests from going to sleep. The man who never forgives a" favor or forgets an injury isn't apt to mak a desirable friend. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over-SayinK that Are Cheer ful to Old or Young; Funny Selec tiona that Everybody Will Enjoy. "Yes; she rejected him after accept ing attentions from him for a year." "I think he was entitled to more con sideration." "O! I don't know. I think she was considering him all the time." Puck. After the Best One. Husklnby (chuckllngly) It wuz 12 below zero by my thermometer at 5 o'clock this mornin', an' Hi Badgely's on'y showed nine below at thet hour. Rubenhay (disdainfully) Huh! Mine registered twenty-three below at that very time. Husklnby By gosh! How much will yew take tew boot an' trade? Puck. Znaide the Man. First Grip Germ Ugh! What's wrong with this man's protoplasm any how? Second Grip Germ Oh, he's taking ten grains of quinine every three hours; let's vamoose. Ohio State Journal. Bnt. McSwigan I don't like that goat thet comes into our back yard. Mrs. McSwigan But McSwigan Exactly; that's why . I don't like It Ohio State Journal. Professional Kates. Irate Householder Say! If you'll stop playing "Hot Time," I'll give you nickel! Antonio "Holy City," five cents; "Hot Time," ten cents. Insurance Papers Please Copy. "I should think it would be pretty hard for you, with such a large family, to live on such a small income." "But," replied the family man, "con sider how much harder it would bp for my family if I were to die on it." Phil adelphia Press. Her Opinion of Compliments. "No," said Miss Cayenne, "I don't care for people who continually pay compliments." "But it shows an amiable disposi tion." "Perhaps. But to me the habit re minds me that some people are willing to pay only what costs them nothing 'and what they don't really owe." Washington Star. Girls Usually Do. "Have you Moore's poems?" inquired the sweet young thing. "I think so, miss; I'll look in a min ute," replied the clerk in the book tore. "By the way, here's a fine new story just out. It's called 'Just One Kiss.' and "I want Moore," she interrupted haughtily. Philadelphia Press. Misht Hesult Fatally. Woman If yon will saw that wood for me I will give you a good, square meal. Tramp I would, lady, but I had my fortune told yesterday and the gypsy Bald heart disease was going to carry me off, so I must be very careful. For the Landlord. Rigby Was the banquet an enjoya ble one? Sturgis From the landlord's point of view, yes. He got a big price for a mighty poor layout Boston Tran script. Friendly Interest. "She fell in love with me at the last Covent Garden ball, old man!" "Really? How were you disguised, old fellow?" Scrape. Hard to 1 ecide. "How that woman glared at you?" "Yes; I've either bowed to her when I don't know her, or else I know her and haven't bowed to her." Wou'd lake Pome. "What do you find in that stupid old paper to keep you so busy?" petulantly asked Mrs. Youngcouple. "I was just looking at the money market," he answered. "Oh, do they have a money market? Are there ever any bargains?" Indi anapolis Press. Qualified. Section Foreman Do yon think you can boss a gang of men? . Mr. Bear I think so; I've had my own way during thirty years of mar ried life. Ohio State Journal. 1 Welcome Heady. The Boss Mr. Bjonson, 'if you can't keep up with your work better, , we shall have to look for another man. Bjonson I'm glad to hear that I've been thinking all along that I was do ing enough work for two. Indianapo lis Press. : ': Brenlnac It Cp. "They have a new barber shop b Baltimore where every feature Is run on antiseptic principles." "It's a pity they cannot carry it to the point where some of the patrons could be treated to an antiseptic bath before entering the place." Cleveland Plain Dealer. He Was One. Snappy That's what Jars me. I Sappey What's that? Snappy Oh, some people are never satisfied to take things as they are, but always want to know the why and wherefore. . Sappey That's so. I wonder why It is. Philadelphia Press. Shocking. "By gum! ef the women in ther city ain't so bold an brazen that er modest one hez ter hang out er sign tellin' er bout it" Another Chance. Susan I just hate these conundrum fiends. Kitty Indeed! Why? Susan Because the other evening Mr. Stubbins nskpd m.. "Will vein my wife?" and when I said "Yes," he said he would give me another guess. . Detroit Free Press. Love in a Cottaee. "Will you be satisfied with love in a cottage?" he asked. "VjM! ' C- ll MnlinJ , il .. -. she had heard that the cottage was located at Newport Philadelphia Rec ord. The Unconquerable. "Why don't you discourage him if you don't care for him?" "Oh, he won't be discouraged. He is really in love." Characteristic. "Woman hns no sense of humor." "No; but she seems to have an awful sense or ueing humored." Mr. Tattered Hedges Howdy, Bill, whateher think of me new Raglan overcoat? Well, Well! .. "Old Crouch went to the masquerade the other night disguised as a bear.'' '.. . "Did anyone recognize him?" .'!s', "Nobody but his wife." Detroit Free Press. Present Needs. "Yes, that's a beautifully bound book,' of your sermons, Mr. Straitlace. Well, no, George hasn't read it yet. He only has time to read at night you know. Yes, he understands it's for the saving' of souls. But George is so practical. He thought he'd rather save his eyes first." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Correct, if Not Grammatical. Johnny Pa, Aunt Hannah 6ays bolls are healthy. Shouldn't she say "health-" fnl?" Wise Father Well, your aunt didn't mean to be grammatical, but I guess, she was this time. It is the boil that is healthy, not the fellow who carries it around. Boston Transcript. Wise Bird. "Give us a proof of your boasted wisdom," cried a lot of chattering magpies to the owl. "I will," he said, and flew away. Philadelphia Times. .' Her Triumph. ' "She seems so happy. Did she marry him for love or for money?" "Neither. She took him to spite a lot of other girls." Chicago Times-Herald. No Chance to Talk. Black Mumsey is not a good conver sationalist White No, he was the only boy In a family of nine children. Cleveland Leader. Invented by a Lunatic. The resident physician of one of the largest lunatic asylums in Great Briain stated, as an instance of the cleverness of lunatics, that a very valuable Im provement connected with machinery. and now in daily use everywhere, was invented by the inmate of an asylum, well known to everyone by name. As the inventor was afterwards quite cured, and became a prominent man, the physician did not give any details. but the invention, designed and model- -led as a diversion while absolutely In sane, has brought him in thousands of pounds. Another lunatic Invented a simple automatic contrivance for the head of a lawn-tennis racquet to pick up the balls and abolish stooping. It acted perfectly, and the asylum doctor advised his friends to secure a patent for him in case he should become cured. Can't Last Forever. . , " Hopely "What seems to trouble your baby?" Popley (wearily) "I suppose It trou bles him to think that eventually he'll have to go to sleep at night" Philadel phia Press. .