AN ARDENT SWEETHEART.
For twenty years my sweetheart has
been courting me she can
Use the ardent efforts of the most effu
In these years she's tried to win me by
the art that love displays,
And I confess she pins me by the sweet
ness of her ways.
She has no hesitation to embrace me or
Me on my lips a hundred times am I
wrong in telling this?
She's a wooer most affectionate and she
always says that she
Wouldn't take the trouble of this living
but for me.
I onght to fall in love with her, and I'm
certain that I would
If I were but as honest and as true blue
as she's good;
For true enough she is to me my only
My sweetheart is no other than that gen
tle wife of mine.
HT was about 4 o'clock one after
noon In February, and Hippesley
was sitting on the veranda of the
Cafe de Paris at Monte Carlo. He sat,
deep In thought, his ears mechanically,
listening to the strains of the little
Hungarian band a few yards away
from him. He was thinking of the rea
son that had brought him to the place.
He had been abroad for twelve years,
yet, within a month of his return, he
had left again and hurried to spend a
few days on the Riviera before taking
steamer at Marseilles
It was absurd, be knew it, but the
longing to see her face again was Irre
sistible. He would not seek an oppor
tunity of speaking with her the
scheme on which their lives had been
worked out made this impossible. He
simply had an overwhelming desire to
see her. Then he could go back to his
lonely life, not happy he could never
be that, but with a fresh picture of the
one woman he had ever loved.
He noticed a smart carriage draw np
before the broad steps of the Casino,
and, almost simultaneously, a man and
a woman came out of the building. The
man was middle-aged, a trifle heavy in
build and faultlessly dressed. He
handed the lady Into her carriage. Hip
pesley, as he caught sight of her face,
gave a start, and clutched hold of the
table. She was a young Englishwo
man, magnificently beautiful.
The color left his face, and he riveted
his eyes on her. He watched her smil
ingly say "good-by" to the man on the
steps, then the carriage turned and
drove rapidly away. As it vanished
from sight be sank back in his chair,
his mouth twitching. His throat seem
ed dry and parched; he stretched for
ward and drank some tea at a gulp.
Then the voices of two men talking
Just behind him reached his ears.
"That was the Princess Zandra she
Is living at the villa Erondel, at Beau
"She was till a day or so ago." The
man lowered his voice. Hippesley
found himself straining for the next
words. "I happen to know," came in
almost a whisper, "that the late prince
was sufficiently ill-advised to invest
nearly all his money in an enterprise
that has recently come to the ground
with a crash, and the princess, who
never had the slightest suspicion of ber
affairs not being in a satisfactory state,
has suddenly been told that another
year at her present rate of expenditure
will leave her penniless."
"What will she do?"
"Go on living as she has done and
marry again! Women with such beau
ty can pick and choose there are no
hard places for them. Rumor says it
will be the man who has just left her.
He is not a good man, but he is pas
sionately In love with her, and a mil
lionaire twice over."
Hippesely rose from his seat, and,
making his way round to the terrace,
sank into a seat. He felt he could
hear no more. It was all so- curious,
so startlingly strange. To think that
the girl he had left living with her
father on the outskirts of a quiet
English country town should have de
veloped into this wonderful Princess
Zandra, whose beauty was known
throughout Europe. And they had
loved one another! He had gone abroad
with the hope of making a name for
himself, of being able to claim her. But
ill-luck had dogged him, and the time
had never come when he could write
to her. He had left her free, and as the
years went by, bringing nothing but
persistent failure, he knew that it was
not for him to possess the only thing
he counted worth having. Occasionally
scraps of Intelligence as to the course
her life had taken drifted to him. Her
father had died, and she bad gone to
live with a wealthy aunt in London.
From stray papers that reached him he
learned that her beauty had caused
quite a sensation In society. Then at
last came the news that she had mar
ried a foreigner of great position.
He wondered if she ever thought of
him remembered the night he had
confessed his love to her. Not a day
had passed in those long years of fail
ure but her image had been before him.
Now, at length, when he had achieved
some slight success. It was too late. All
that was left for him was to take the
absurd little Journey of sentiment.
Early next morning he traveled to
Beaulleu. He got out at the railway
station and, following the path that led
round to St Jean, passed the fishing
village, and gained the point There he
sank down on the ground, and gave
himself up to his reflections. It was a
perfect morning, a cloudless sky, the
air soft and pregnant with the perfume
of the roses that grew right to the edge
of the tiny cliff. Some thirty feet be
low him was the sea, not a ripple cn Its
smooth surface, the clear blue tints
gleaming in the sunshine.
' ' ' . " .
"" Presently he was aware of a woman
-gazing curiously at him. The next mo
ment tbey bad recognized one another.
She went suddenly pale and ber lips
parted in wonder.
He looked at her mutely. He was face
A Sentimental Journey, f
; 1...... T
DENMARK'S THREE LITTLE ISLANDS.
The Danish West Indies, which Den
mark has been notified must not be sold
to any other power but the United States,
are three little Islands lying immediately
east of Porto Rico at the gateway of the
Caribbean Sea. Santa Cruz is the larg
est of the three, and contains seventy
four square miles of territory, more than
fire-sixths of which is under cultivation.
Its total population is 20,000, most of
which is of negro descent. St. Thomas is
the second in size, and is the first in im
portance because of its situation and fine
harbor. St. Thomas also contains the
commercial metropolis, of the islands, the
town of Charlotte Amelia, which is bet
ter known as St Thomas. Charlotte
Amelia is a town of 12,000 inhabitants,
and the total population of the island is
only a few hundreds larger. St Thomas
contains but thirty-three square miles of
territory, most of it too rocky for culti
vation. The third island in the bunch
for which the United States now proposes
to pay 13,240,0000, is St. John, a little
rocky islet on which less than a thousand
people live. Altogether the purchase
would add but 34,000 people and less than
110 square miles of territory to the Unit
In .1867 Secretary of State Seward
made an attempt to bay these islands for
$7,500,000. The Danish government
agreed to make the sale, provided the
people of the islands were agreeable to it
The Rev. Dr. Hawley, pastor of the
church which the Secretary attended at
Auburn, N. Y., was sent to St Thomas
to supervise an election held to give the
people a chance to express their views.
On all three islands but twenty-two votes
were cast against the proposed anion
with the United States, several thousand
being recorded in its favor. The senti
ment of the people was almost unani
mous. But the plan had many opponents
in Congress. Chief among these was
Senator Sumner, then the head of the
committee on foreign relations. He
pigeonholed the treaty and prevented its
consideration for a long time.
A good many years later another at
tempt was made to buy out Denmark's
possessions in the Caribbean. This time
the price was fixed at less than $5,000,
000, but in spite of the reduction, it
came to nothing. Meanwhile King Chris
tian and the Danish government have
been growing increasingly anxious to
sell. Denmark is not and is not likely to
become a great naval power, and the
chief value of the islands lies in the fact
that St Thomas has a good harbor and
commands the gateway to the Caribbean
Sea. Besides, the islands are not self
supporting. Whatever the islands may lack in any
other direction they are strong In his
toric and romantic interest. They were
discovered by Columbus on his second
voyage to America, in 1493. But Colum
bus was not looking for a few little scat
tered islands, and when he found how
small they were he hoisted sail and went
away after naming them the Virgin Isl
ands. Then for more than 150 years
they lay unvisited by white men. In 1657
some adventurous Dutchmen sailed into
the. splendid harbor of St Thomas and
started a little settlement there. That
lasted for ten years. Then the Dutch
gave up the attempt and a few years
later the Danes took their place. Since
then the English, French and Spanish
have alternated In the control of one or
more of the islands, which finally passed
under the permanent control of Denmark
But the chief romantic interest which
attaches to St Thomas lies in the fact
that it was for years one of the headquar
ters of the famous pirates and bucca
to face with her at last and the blood
went throbbing through his veins.
"Yes just Ralph!" he said mechani
cally. She held out her hand, and be took It
"And to think it is you after all these
years!" she said softly. '
Hippesley did not speak. His
thoughts had flown back a dozen years
to the night when he had left her. An
indefinable idea came to him that she,
too, was thinking of the same thing.
"I won't lie!" he said, abruptly. "I
am not here by chance. I heard you
were on the Riviera, and, after all these
years, I wanted to see you again just
to see you. I had no notion of speak
ing." She gazed at him steadily, as if try
ing to read his thoughts. ,
"You have loved me all this time?"
she asked, slowly.
He bowed his head. She turned away
with a little sob.
"And you never wrote!" she cried.
"Oh, why didn't you write?"
"I was a failure such an otter fail
ure I could not write to claim you," he
said, hoarsely. "You did well; I wasn't
worth waiting for." m
She looked at him, the tears glisten
ing in ber eyes.
"What a Jumble Fate made of our
lives!" she sighed.
"It did not matter; you are the Prin
"Oh. I am tired, tired to death of It
all!" she cried In a tone of weariness.
"To have to live in an artificial world,
among people who are not my people
there is no one left to me now and to
have to begin it all over again," she
added In a half-sorrowful, musing tone.
He understood. He remembered the
words he had overheard at the cafe. It
was all true then. She looked up at him
quickly with "a smile.
"But you, Ralph what have yon
done?" she asked, gently. '
"For years nothing. Now, at last, I've
got a small estate In Ceylon. It's a fair
living whilst I worked hard not a bad
life, too, for a man who has lost bis am
"No, not a bad life," she repeated.
"A lonely one. though." She gave a
little laugh; there was an Infinite note
of sadness in it. "As lonely as mine has
She lifted ber bead, and their eyes
met He read something in her gaze
neers who so long Infested and ravaged
the Spanish Main. Before steamships
were invented St Thomas was more than
it is to-day. a roadhouse of the seas, a
sort of ocean half-way house between the
continents. Into its great harbor Span
ish galleons and heavily laden slave ships
ran for shelter, and the buccaneers bang
ing close about were certain of good pick
ing. Sometimes the pirate ships even
pursued their prey Into the land-locked
harbor, and under the eyes of the town
All three of the islands are thought to
be the tops of what were once volcanic
mountains. Io appearance they are typi
cally tropical. When a ship sails into
the harbor of Charlotte Amelia, for in
stance, the passenger sees a fringe of low
white houses along the shore, shining
against a background of glossy green,
while behind and above towers a line of
stately hills, covered for most of their
height with thick, tropical foliage. Al
most all the houses have bright red roofs,
and the whole landscape is a riot of vivid
color. Charlotte Amelia is remarkable
among tropical cities in that it is ex
tremely clean a fact which must be laid
to the credit of the Danes. Its straight
streets, lined on either side with two
story wooden houses, are paved with as
phalt with wide gutters on either side.
When rain falls on the hills swift cur
rents of water rush down through these
streets, washing out the gutters and mak
ing it easier to keep the town clean.
Almost every house has a balcony across
the front of its second story.
One of the most picturesque sights to
be seen at St Thomas is the procession
of coal carriers, which is ceaselessly
passing from the docks down into the
holds of vessels lying alongside. The
coal carriers are all stalwart negro wom
en, who carry great baskets filled with
coal on their heads. They work in day
and night shifts, and after darkness falls
they sing weird songs as they work. In
spite of the fact that the introduction of
steam has taken much business away
from St. Thomas, it is still a busy place,
and as a result its people have little of
the tropical lassitude and laziness about
them. They do not even stop work to
take a siesta in the middle of the day.
Prior to 1848 both St Thomas and the
larger Island of Santa Cruz . produced
large quantities of sugar. In that year
Denmark freed all the slaves, and as a
result most of the negroes left the plan
tations and gathered into the towns. The
sugar planters could not get sufficient la
bor to work their plantations, and the
industry almost disappeared. More re
cently it has been resumed on a consid
erable scale, particularly on Santa Cruz,
where there is a great quantity of fertile
land. On this island many of the former
slaves have set up as the proprietors of
small plantations, and its annual produc
tion of sugar is now 12,000 tons, a sup
ply sufficient to supply the wants of the
United States for two days.
The temperature of the Island of Santa
Cms ranges from 66 to 82 degrees. It
has many magnificent driveways, leading
through avenues of palms, tamarinds, and
bananas. There are two towns on the
island Fredericksted and Chrlstiansted.
Neither is of any importance from a com
mercial standpoint Practically all of the
20,000 inhabitants of the island speak
English, and the only sign of their alle
giance to Denmark is the flag and a lit
tle garrison of about 100 Danish soldiers.
Fredericksted Is a tumble-down town of
stucco-covered, two-storied buildings, the
fissures in the walls and the tumbling
walls being a result of the sack of the
city in 1878, when the negroes on the
island revolted against the Danish government
a something that sent him trembling
from head to foot"
"My God, EsmeP' he cried. "If if
you were not the Princess Zandra!"
He saw her eyes suddenly shine, the
color rush to ber cheeks.
"Remember only that I am a poor
woman again P' she whispered. "That
I've never forgotten, never could for
get " Her voice died away.
His brain was in a whirl it seemed
"But the lifeP he cried. -Think, af
ter all, you've "
"I only loved once It was yon I
thought had forgotten "
The low, soft voice came to a stop.
They stood looking Into one another's
"Don't send me back to the old life
again, Ralph," sbe murmured. Gilbert
Dayle, In Mainly About People.
EAGLE FIGHTS A MAN.
Fierce Attack on a Maine Farmer by a
Bis Feathered Bobber. .
One of the fiercest battles between
man and bird of which there is any re
cord In Maine took place the other day
In a Washington county barnyard.
Rufus Berry, of East Machias, and an
eagle of great size were the combat
ants. The eagle, whose wings measured
eight feet from tip to tip, bad previously
visited the barnyard and carried off one
of the farmer's sheep and had returned
for more mutton when Berry happened
to be around with a gun bandy.
Berry's first shot knocked the big
bird over and thinking the eagle was
dead he ran to secure his prize. That
was where Farmer Berry made a great
mistake.1 No sooner had be touched
the bird than it rose upon him. clawing
and pecking fiercely at his eyes and face
and finally sinking Its talons deep Into
the flesh of his arm, so that although
more than willing to call it a draw, he
could not get out of the -ing.
For half an hour Berry stood the
pecking and clawing and gouging and
the fearful beating of the eagle's wings
and then backing up to a fence be man
aged to get bold of a club with which
be killed the bird.
The eagle was mounted by a Bangor
taxidermist and sold to a Milwaukee
man, who placed it In a museum
Eagles are common In the eastern and
northern parts of Maine and when at
tacked are very fierce.
HOfiSE SHOE STYLES.
THEY ARE GREATLY VARIED IN
None Can Eqnal American Makes for
Utility and Merit of Workmanship
Many Kinds or Iron Footwear in Vmo
In Late Tears.
On Twelfth street, near the new city
hall, is a show window that holds many
attractions for horsemen and lovers of
the curious, says the St Louis Globe
Democrat It contains nothing but
rusty, discolored horseshoes, but such
Is the variety and character of the col
lection that it is surpassed by but one
other in existence. Shoes ranging in
style and beauty from the dainty rac
ing plate that has been worn, by
thoroughbreds In record-breaking per
formances to the antiquated patterns
used more than 150 years ago are in the
collection, and about each shoe some
thing of Interest can be told by F. C.
Snow, the owner of the collection.
Probably the oldest and most valued
of the collection is a shoe known to
have been made by a Pontiac Indian In
1743. The shoe was for years an ex
hibit in the Detroit Historical society's
headquarters, but came to its present
owner through a member of the Case
family, in whose possession the shoe
has been kept for generations. Con
sidering, the tools and the period, the
shoe is really an excellent piece of
workmanship. The calks, or toes, as
people unversed in shoeing lore would
term them, are small, the whole shoe
showing that, with the exception of the
improvement in manufacture, the gen
eral conception of the horseshoe of that
period Is still the basis of manufacture.
Other shoes of interest rarely seen in
these days are those for oxen. Each
ox wore eight shoes in the old days, one
on either toe on each foot " Like the
horseshoes of the early part of the cen
tury, those for oxen now used In the
west have been changed but little In re
The smallest shoes in the collection
are those of burros from the Rockies
and old Mexico. In contrast with them
the huge shoes commonly used in Eng
land and Belgium are most noticeable.
Both the larger makes are clumsy and
exhibit poor workmanship. The aver
age size of English shoes is greater
than that of any other country.
Comparison of American horseshoes
with those of other countries easily
gives the palm to the manufacturers
in this country. A specimen of the
French shoe of the variety known as
"country shoe" shows clumsy work
manship on a poorly shaped shoe with
which square-headed nails are used.
From Arabia Mr. Snow has secured
two specimens of the shoes used upon
the famous steeds of the deserts. One
is a rough-shaped plate of hammered
iron. From this blank the shoe is
shaped to provide what horseman know
as ."roller motion." The toe is turned
up at an. angle of 45 degrees, the ends
being shaped and fastened together
with a rivet instead of being welded as
in this country. Such a shoe would kill
a horse if used upon the cobble stones
of St Louis.
Probably as odd a shoe as is found in
the collection is one that was used"in
Ireland. The iron shoe proper is of
common pattern, save that it has two
lugs, or projections, pierced with screw
holes. By means of screws the shoe is
fastened to a board platform two in
ches thick and about twelve inches
square. When it is desired to use the
horse upon one of the peat bogs the
wooden platform is .screwed or bolted
fast to the horse's shoe. Despite the
awkwardness of such footwear the wear
ers soon learn to avoid stumbling and
make surprising headway. Similar
shoes are worn in the peat bogs of
Among the new varieties of shoes are
those with a rubber heel plate or cush
ion, designed to break the concussion
of the heavy blows struck by horses
when moving rapidly over granite pave
ments. Such shoes are worn by the
horses in the city ambulance service.
Among the other curious in the collec
tion are mule shoes from Havana and
Santiago, one from Gnayamos, Porto
Rico, near which battery A came so
close to a baptism of fire. Shoes from
Australia and from a dozen other coun
tries, all of which are little better in
workmanship that those used In this
country half a centurv aeo. nnri m
equal to the shoes worn by the average
aray norse in this country. Though
many nailless shoes have been
ed, they have never been successful.
They Are Rapidly Growing: In Favor
In Western Countries.
Although it is several centuries since
Occidentals adopted Chinese tea as a
daily beverage it is only of late that
they have begun to nse the Chinoao ta
service. Like all Mongolian institu
tions, it. is the opposite of our own. The
service consists of a metal ntnn1 In
which rests a large cup. Over the cup
fits a saucer and alongside of it is sta
tioned a little cup scarcely larirer thnn
an egg. The metal stand is of brass or
Dronze, tnough wealthy mandarins use
silver and even eold. The in vera nrtT
should be of the handsomest porcelain.
it is very rarely plain. The commonest
variety have a monocrom fluid nn
which are enameled leaves and flowers
in color. . Another beautiful variety is
made of crackle ware, nn whn sup.
face is wreathed a bronze dragon.
Swatow cups are generally decorated
with little crabs, fishes, beetles or lo
custs in natural color and high relief,
while Nanking cups are tinged with
sang de boeuf, imperial blue, or impe
rial yellow. The saucer should be of
the same material, according to tie
tastes of the owner.
The service In nlnrori hofnro the
truests at the beginning of the meat A
small quantity of tea leaves is thrown
into the large cup, covered with boil
ing water. To keep the steam in the
saucer is Inverted over the cup. It is
allowed to stand for two minutes and
then the guest i holding the large cup
wim tne tnumD ana middle finger and
guiding the saucer with tho fnrofl
strains and pours the fluid into the lit
tle cup. It seems simple, but until a per
son has practiced repeatedly it is a very
difficult task. The average Occidental
scaias nis fingers and drop the tea on
the table, and often lets fall the cup
and saucer together. The large cup will
fill the small cup three times, and then
boiling water is again poured over the
leaves. If the leaf be of fine quality
the second drawing Is about as good as
the first After the second drawing Is
finished the cup is removed, the spent
leaves are thrown away and a fresh
supply Is put In their place. The ser
vice Is a very Important element In the
Chinese household. The cheapest set
costs ten cents In China and twenty
five cents in New York. The figures
run up from this limit and when crack
le ware, porcelain and silver stands are
employed they reach $5 and $6. New
York Evening Post,
I Short StorieS
The painter Mokart, who was some
times as taciturn as Von Moltke, sat
for an hour one evening at dinner next
to the soubrette, Josephine Gallmeyer,
without volunteering a word. Finally
she" lost patience, and exclaimed:
"Well, dear master, suppose we change
The following unique claim is posted
on a mine in the Grand Encampment,
In Wyoming: "We found it, and we
claim It by the right of founding it. It's
omn. It's 750 feet in every direction
except southwest and northeast, and
there is 300 feet on each side of this
writin'. It's called the 'Bay Horse,'
and we claim even the spurs, and we
don't want nobody Jumping on this
Bay Horse that's what's these trees
is around here for, and we've got the
same piece of rope that we had down
in old Missouri."
During a confirmation tour in the dio
cese of Peterborough, the late Bishop
of London put up one evening at an
old manor house, and slept in a room
supposed to be haunted. Next morning
at breakfast the Bishop was asked
whether he had seen the ghost "Yes,"
he replied, with great solemnity, "but
I have laid the spirit; it will never trou
ble you again." Being further que
tioned upon the subject, the Bishop
said: "The ghost instantly vanished
when I asked for a subscription toward
the restoration of Peterborough Cathe
dral." Tim Murphy, the popular comedian,
saw an old colored woman sitting un
der an awning fanning herself, when
he was in Washington, D. C. "It's
dreadfully hot, isn't It mammy?" ask
ed Mr. Murphy. " 'Deed It Is, chile,"
said the old woman; '."deed it is.
'Tain't right for it to be so hot this-a-way.
I tell you, forty years ago, when
the blessed Lawd made the weather,
we didn't have these stewing days,
honey, no, 'deed, we didn't; but now
these blggety men up at this here
weather office has the making of the
weather, they does send us anything
they please, and they ain't skillful,
chile, they ain't skillful."
Lord Rathmore has told a friend how
he once took "Ouida" In to dinner and
how disappointed he was to find that
the novelist devoted herself to the
dishes rather than to intellectual re
freshment He said at last in despair
at having only been able to get "Yes"
and "No" in answer to the different
subjects he introduced: "I'm afraid I'm
singularly unfortunate in my choice of
topics. Is ther? anything we could
talk about to interest you?" To which
the chronicler of Society's shortcom
ings replied: ."There is one thing which
would interest me very much. Tell me
about the duchesses; I have written
about them all my life and never met
Not long ago an American professor
attended a reception in the royal pal
ace, given by the Kaiser to an associa
tion of scientists, at which William ap
peared in the gorgeous robes of rovalty.
preceded by liveried chamberlains
bearing the crown and insignia. It was
a most impressive display, and when
the professor came away he said to a
friend: "I am a republican to the back
bone, but I believe that if monarchs
are necessary they should be monarchs
to the last bit of gold lace, Just as
William is Kaiser." The next day his
mend had an audience with the Kai
ser, and in the course of the conversa
tion told him what the American pro
fessor had said. The Kaiser laughed
heartily. "That is exactly what I be
lieve," he said; "Dom Pedro of Brazil
illustrated the folly of trying to be a
republican on a throne."
How ITon Spend ITonr Life.
Did you ever stop to inquire how you
actually occupy the hours of your life?
Supposing you are an average business
man, how will your account on the book
of time appear when it is balanced at
the end of three-score and ten years?
The largest item will be sleep, which
has consumed twenty-five jea-s--a lit
tle more than one-third of your life. It
counted rapidly during childhood, less
rapidly in age, and was at a minimum
during the working days of middle Ufa
Those working days will count twenty
one years, and in the course of them
you will read for two years and write
for a year and seven months. The next
item will be that of pleasure, which
will have consumed nine years, and
your walking will have consumed six
and one-half years more. Then your
eating acounts will show that you
have sat at the table, stood at lunch
counters or cuddled elsewhere for five
years. Sou will also have a dressing
account of three and one-half . years,
which will have been devoted to but
touing and unbuttoning remember it
is a man who is being considered. In
this dressing account you will find eight
charged to bathing account and seven
months to shaving. New-York Herald.
' Seattle's Proposed. Canal. :
Seattle purposes to build a canal
eight miles long from Puget sound to
Lake Washington, which is twenty
miles long and 200 feet deep, and will
make an ideal harbor.
A good many women too good to gos
sip take care to Invite several lively
gossips to their parties, in order to
keep the guests from going to sleep.
The man who never forgives a" favor
or forgets an injury isn't apt to mak
a desirable friend.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-SayinK that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young; Funny Selec
tiona that Everybody Will Enjoy.
"Yes; she rejected him after accept
ing attentions from him for a year."
"I think he was entitled to more con
sideration." "O! I don't know. I think she was
considering him all the time." Puck.
After the Best One.
Husklnby (chuckllngly) It wuz 12
below zero by my thermometer at 5
o'clock this mornin', an' Hi Badgely's
on'y showed nine below at thet hour.
Rubenhay (disdainfully) Huh! Mine
registered twenty-three below at that
Husklnby By gosh! How much will
yew take tew boot an' trade? Puck.
Znaide the Man.
First Grip Germ Ugh! What's
wrong with this man's protoplasm any
how? Second Grip Germ Oh, he's taking
ten grains of quinine every three hours;
let's vamoose. Ohio State Journal.
McSwigan I don't like that goat thet
comes into our back yard.
Mrs. McSwigan But
McSwigan Exactly; that's why . I
don't like It Ohio State Journal.
Irate Householder Say! If you'll
stop playing "Hot Time," I'll give you
Antonio "Holy City," five cents;
"Hot Time," ten cents.
Insurance Papers Please Copy.
"I should think it would be pretty
hard for you, with such a large family,
to live on such a small income."
"But," replied the family man, "con
sider how much harder it would bp for
my family if I were to die on it." Phil
Her Opinion of Compliments.
"No," said Miss Cayenne, "I don't
care for people who continually pay
"But it shows an amiable disposi
"Perhaps. But to me the habit re
minds me that some people are willing
to pay only what costs them nothing
'and what they don't really owe."
Girls Usually Do.
"Have you Moore's poems?" inquired
the sweet young thing.
"I think so, miss; I'll look in a min
ute," replied the clerk in the book
tore. "By the way, here's a fine new
story just out. It's called 'Just One
"I want Moore," she interrupted
haughtily. Philadelphia Press.
Misht Hesult Fatally.
Woman If yon will saw that wood
for me I will give you a good, square
Tramp I would, lady, but I had my
fortune told yesterday and the gypsy
Bald heart disease was going to carry
me off, so I must be very careful.
For the Landlord.
Rigby Was the banquet an enjoya
Sturgis From the landlord's point of
view, yes. He got a big price for a
mighty poor layout Boston Tran
script. Friendly Interest.
"She fell in love with me at the last
Covent Garden ball, old man!"
"Really? How were you disguised,
old fellow?" Scrape.
Hard to 1 ecide.
"How that woman glared at you?"
"Yes; I've either bowed to her when
I don't know her, or else I know her
and haven't bowed to her."
Wou'd lake Pome.
"What do you find in that stupid old
paper to keep you so busy?" petulantly
asked Mrs. Youngcouple.
"I was just looking at the money
market," he answered.
"Oh, do they have a money market?
Are there ever any bargains?" Indi
Section Foreman Do yon think you
can boss a gang of men? .
Mr. Bear I think so; I've had my
own way during thirty years of mar
ried life. Ohio State Journal.
1 Welcome Heady.
The Boss Mr. Bjonson, 'if you can't
keep up with your work better, , we
shall have to look for another man.
Bjonson I'm glad to hear that I've
been thinking all along that I was do
ing enough work for two. Indianapo
lis Press. : ':
Brenlnac It Cp.
"They have a new barber shop b
Baltimore where every feature Is run
on antiseptic principles."
"It's a pity they cannot carry it to
the point where some of the patrons
could be treated to an antiseptic bath
before entering the place." Cleveland
He Was One.
Snappy That's what Jars me. I
Sappey What's that?
Snappy Oh, some people are never
satisfied to take things as they are,
but always want to know the why
and wherefore. .
Sappey That's so. I wonder why It
is. Philadelphia Press.
"By gum! ef the women in ther city
ain't so bold an brazen that er modest
one hez ter hang out er sign tellin' er
Susan I just hate these conundrum
Kitty Indeed! Why?
Susan Because the other evening
Mr. Stubbins nskpd m.. "Will vein
my wife?" and when I said "Yes," he
said he would give me another guess. .
Detroit Free Press.
Love in a Cottaee.
"Will you be satisfied with love in
a cottage?" he asked.
"VjM! ' C- ll MnlinJ , il .. -.
she had heard that the cottage was
located at Newport Philadelphia Rec
ord. The Unconquerable.
"Why don't you discourage him if
you don't care for him?"
"Oh, he won't be discouraged. He
is really in love."
"Woman hns no sense of humor."
"No; but she seems to have an awful
sense or ueing humored."
Mr. Tattered Hedges Howdy, Bill,
whateher think of me new Raglan
Well, Well! ..
"Old Crouch went to the masquerade
the other night disguised as a bear.'' '.. .
"Did anyone recognize him?" .'!s',
"Nobody but his wife." Detroit Free
"Yes, that's a beautifully bound book,'
of your sermons, Mr. Straitlace. Well,
no, George hasn't read it yet. He only
has time to read at night you know.
Yes, he understands it's for the saving'
of souls. But George is so practical.
He thought he'd rather save his eyes
first." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Correct, if Not Grammatical.
Johnny Pa, Aunt Hannah 6ays bolls
are healthy. Shouldn't she say "health-"
Wise Father Well, your aunt didn't
mean to be grammatical, but I guess,
she was this time. It is the boil that
is healthy, not the fellow who carries
it around. Boston Transcript.
"Give us a proof of your boasted
wisdom," cried a lot of chattering
magpies to the owl.
"I will," he said, and flew away.
Philadelphia Times. .'
Her Triumph. '
"She seems so happy. Did she marry
him for love or for money?"
"Neither. She took him to spite a lot
of other girls." Chicago Times-Herald.
No Chance to Talk.
Black Mumsey is not a good conver
sationalist White No, he was the only boy In a
family of nine children. Cleveland
Invented by a Lunatic.
The resident physician of one of the
largest lunatic asylums in Great Briain
stated, as an instance of the cleverness
of lunatics, that a very valuable Im
provement connected with machinery.
and now in daily use everywhere, was
invented by the inmate of an asylum,
well known to everyone by name. As
the inventor was afterwards quite
cured, and became a prominent man,
the physician did not give any details.
but the invention, designed and model- -led
as a diversion while absolutely In
sane, has brought him in thousands of
pounds. Another lunatic Invented a
simple automatic contrivance for the
head of a lawn-tennis racquet to pick
up the balls and abolish stooping. It
acted perfectly, and the asylum doctor
advised his friends to secure a patent
for him in case he should become cured.
Can't Last Forever. . , "
Hopely "What seems to trouble your
Popley (wearily) "I suppose It trou
bles him to think that eventually he'll
have to go to sleep at night" Philadel
phia Press. .
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