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THE RECORD, KENNA, NEW MEXICO.
1) FOR SLUGGISH LIVER No sick headache, sour stomach, biliousness or constipation by -morning. Get a 10-cent bos now. Turn the rascals out the headache, biliousness, Indigestion, the sick, sour Btoinach and foul gases turn them out to-night and keep them out with Cascarets. Millions of men and women take a Cascaret now and then and never know the misery caused by a lazy liver, clogged bowels or an upset stom ach. Don't put in another day of distress. Let Cascarets cleanse your stomach; remove the sour, fermenting food; take the excess bile from your liver and carry out all the constipated waste matter and poison In the bowels. Then you will feel great. A Cascaret to-night straightens you out by morning. They work while you sleep. A 10-cent box from any drug store means a clear head, sweet stomach and clean, healthy liver and bowel action for months. Chil dren love Cascarets because they never gripe or sicken. Adv. CHANCE FOR OBJECT LESSON Bivalves Would Have Little Prospect of Escape If Karl Really Got Started Romancing. "Talk of opening oysters," said old Hurricane, "why, nothing's easier, If you only know how." "And how's how?" inquired Star light. "Scotch snuff," answered old Hurri cane, very sententlously. "Scotch snuff. Bring a little of it ever so near their noses, and they'll sneezethelr Uda oft." "I know a genius," observed Karl, "who has a better plan. He spreads the bivalves in a circle, seats himself in the center, and begins spinning a yarn. Sometimes it's an adventure In Mexico, sometimes a marvelous stock operation on the exchange. "As he proceeds, the 'natives' get Interested one by one they gape with astonishment at the tremendous whoppers which are poured forth, and as they gape my friend whips them out, peppers 'em, and swallows them." "That'll do," said Starlight, with a long sigh. "I wish we had a buBhel of the bivalves here now; they'd open easy." Out of Date. Muggins She's such an old-fash ioned girl. Bugglns How do you mean old' fashioned? Muggins She is positively effemi nate. Extravagant Diet. "My, but that woman's got money to throw away!" "How do you know?" "Didn't you Just hear her order oft-boiled egg?" SELF DELU8ION. Many People Deceived by Coffee. We like to defend our Indulgences and habits even though we may bo convinced of their actual harmfulness. A man can convince himself that whiskey is good for him on a cold morning, or beer on a hot summer day when he wants the whiskey or beer. It's the same with, coffee. Thou sands of people suffer headache and nervousness year after year but try to persuade themselves the cause is not coffee because they like coffee. "While yet a child I commenced using coffee and continued it," writes a Wis. man, "until I was a regular coffee fiend. I drank it every morning and In consequence had a blinding headache nearly every afternoon. "My folks thought it was coffee that ailed me, but I liked It and would not admit it was the cause of my trouble, so I stuck to coffee and the headaches stuck to me. "Finally, the folks stopped buying coffee and brought home some Postum. They made it right (directions ou pkg.) and told me to see what differ ence It would make with my head, and during that first week on Postum my old affliction did not bother me once. From that day to this we have used nothing but Postum In place of coffee headaches are a thing of the past and the whole family is in fine health "Postum looks good, smells good. tastes good, is good, and doea good to the whole body." Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read "The Road to Well- 'vllle," in pkgs. Postum now comes In two forms: Regular Postum must be well boiled. Instant Postum Is a soluble pow der. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly In a cup of hot water and, with cream and sugar, makes a delicious beverage Instantly. Grocers sell both kinds. Tbara'a a ReMon" (or Foitua. liAbUAKt b His Oratory Is Loud WASHINGTON. It la not often that the little state of Delaware is heard from In the house of representatives, but when she does arise to address the chair she bellows like a bull. It wasworth while listening to Representa allowed. In the midst of a hot debate arose. According to the gentlemen's statement," he said, "there are six cases pending in Delaware. If that is a fact does It not indicate that corporal pun ishment has not stopped these brutal crimes? In a little Btate like Delaware you have six cases at the present moment in which whipping is to be ad ministered." The house was all ears. "What state is the gentleman from?" "New York," replied Representative two states made the house laugh with However. Representative Brockson falo Smith that the last time four New were given the whipping post treatment The controversy reminded some of gotten incident where a Delaware representative assailed the state of Texas. He ranted for about an hour. Then a "It gives me great pain," he said, "to tleman from a state which has one county when the tide is up and one and a half counties when the tide Is down." Didn't Know Hearst, but T ARKER ANDERSON of North Carolina mingles with the great ot tne na if tlon with exactly the same nonchalance as he uses in lighting a cigar. Parker knows cabinet officers by their is always automatically reversed to "Welcome when Parker strolls into the office of a senator or representative. It was only a few days ago that he paid a call upon Commissioner of Internal Rev enue Osborn. The office was crowded with folks, big and little, important and unimportant, job hunters and 'patronage grabbers, and a clerk was keeping them all back in line until the commis sioner bad signed his mall. "I would like to see my friend Osborn right away, announced Anderson in a smooth voice. "No one gets in that door ahead ot nounced a shrill female who would home brandishing a war ax. "I got here 'Pardon me, madam," said Anderson, an attendant deferentially opened the to pass within Well, there are a lot of fellows like they want to. You see, Anderson is a nelb from the telegraph end. They tell a story of him in his light on the way the great men of the nation ask him to set down and listen to stories. Once, when he was an operator here In Washington, 'some fellow made an attack upon William Randolph Mr. Hearst became extremely Interested. and the New York American bureau was story of the speech which was being made, and then Mr.. Hearst was going to wire an editorial to his paper in the town where the fireworks were being shot off. The telegraph company sent Anderson over to the American bureau to handle the key. His fingers spat lightning for an hour. During that time a long person came out and sat by him. Anderson s cigar went out "Say, old timer, get me a match," the long person a resounding- thwack "All right," was the reply, and the "Hlvlns," said the janitor. "Don't "No," responded Anderson, still meet him." . She Gave the Crowd t WOMAN with a nubia over her t as spring water gave a crowd noon. She was brisking along Seventh street when she stopped with finances, water eyes trying to Then and yanked the her lap and She must when you calico cat with red ing, you clerk bad tied Into a bow and there safety pins and The price of each purchase did the gers on ber knee. But her anxiety flash of belated memory, she pushed a a pin with a glass eet that was better big again as any emerald ever dared to Tot obviously misting aims had Though State Is Little tive Brockson of that state when he took consid erably more than an hour in his effort to divest the house of the opinion that the whipping posts of Delaware are Inhuman, brutal, unconstitutional, and relics of a medieval age when pillories and alleged witchcraft walked hand in hand. Mr. Brockson received great applause for his oratory, which is just as loud as that of Repre sentative Slsson, who comes from a much larger state, Mississippi; and the applau3e was not lim ited to the members of the house. Over in the southwest corner of the gallery sat a man who ap plauded with his two hands just as loud as any of members. In fact, when Mr. Brockson made a par ticularly strong point this well-wisher clapped his palms so vigorously that a doorkeeper had to ad monish him that applause in the galleries Is not one of the numerous Smiths of congress aBked Delaware's .sole tepreBentative. Smith, and the contrast between the great glee. came right back at him. He told uur- York crooks came to Delaware they and never came back. the older members of an almost For Texan, with a long mustache, arose: hear my vast state assailed by a gen Was Glad to Meet Him first names, and the "Keep out" sign me!" an fSAY,Ol.DTlrie,CET') have been at first" bowing, as doosKor him that, and a lot of good they can do if newspaper man. He got Into the bus! telegraph days, which may throw some Hearst. It was a violent effort, and He happened to be hore in the city instructed by him to gt a telegraphic he said, and he leaned over and slapped on the leg. lanky one went out and got a box full. ye know that's Mister HearBt?" making the key hum; "but I'm glad to Something to Snicker At foreign black hair and with eyes as fresh something to snicker at the other after shocked suddenness to look in her brown cord bag. Something must have gone wrong with her for the inventory brought to the spring- that dlstratted look that comes from think up where the money went She repeated the rummage act, without relief. here's where the free show came In. She plumped herself down on the curbstone, bag open and spilled its contents in unwrapped each package. have been an early Christmas shop per woman, for her layout included a wool knitted clown with brass symbals that strike pull a string maybe, and there was a and a tiny set of tea things decorated flowers that come off at the first wash know and a child's hair ribbon that the was spool cotton and shoe laces and woman count np by thumping her fin showed no sigh of a let-up uutll, with hand under her jacket and brought out than a truly emerald, because it wa as be and a whole lot greener. been tracked to Iti UJr. S CHILD CROSS, SICK Look, Mother! If tongue is - coated, give "California Syrup of Figs." Children love this "fruit laxative." and nothing else cleanses, the tender stomach, liver and bowels so nicely. A child simply will not stop playing to empty the bowels, and the result is they become tightly clogged with waste, liver gets sluggish, stomach sours, then your little one becomes cross, balf-slck, feverish, don t eat, sleep or act naturally, breath is bad, system full of cold, has sore throat, stomach-ache or diarrhoea. Listen, Mother! See if tongue is coated, then give a teaspoonful of "California Syrup of Figs," and In a few hours all the constipated waste, sour bile and undigested food passes, out of the sys tem, and you have a well child again. Millions of mothers give "California Syrug of Figs" because it Is perfectly harmless; children love it, and it nev er falls to act on the stomach, liver and bowels. Ask at the store for a 50-cent bottle of "California Syrup of Figs," which has full directions for babies, children of all ages and for grown-ups plainly printed on the bottle. Adr. Some Big Pecan Trese. Like the Persian walnut the pecan long has been grown in this country, but its commercial possibilities were neglected. Some of the trees are of enormous size and known to be very old. In Mllledgevlllee, Ga., an old pe can tree stands which Is known to have been planted by tho Indians over 100 years ago. The owner values it so highly that be has recently taken out $300 fire insurance on it because it has been so closely surrounded by buildings that it is endangered. The largest pecan tree on record is near Little Falls, Okla.' It has an altitude of 130 feet, a spread of 110 feet and a trunk circumference of 23 feet taken four feet from the ground. In Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas and other sections pecan trees may be found in forests, reaching 170 feet in height A GRATEFUL OLD MAM. Mr.W.D. Smith, Ethel, Ky., writes! "I have been using Dodd's Kidney Pills for ten or twelve years and they have done me a great deal of good. I do not think I would be alive today If It were not for Dodd's Kidney Pills. strained my back about forty years ago, which left It very weak. I was troubled with inflam mation of the blad- W. D. 8mlth. ,jer. Dodd's Kidney Pills cured me of that and the Kidney Trouble. I take Dodd's Kidney Pills now to keep from having Backache. am 77 years old and a farmer. You are at liberty to publish this testimonial. and you may use my picture In con nection with It." Correspond with Mr, Smith about this wonderful remedy. Dodd's Kidney Pills, SOc. per box at your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co., Buffalo. N. T. Write for Household Hints, also music of National Anthem (English and German words) and reel pes for dainty dishes. All 8 sent free. Adv. Willing to Learn. Pauline motored to the station to meet her dearest friend, who was com. Ing down for a week-end. "Oh, Belle," cried Pauline, enthusi astically, "do you know, Mr. Barnum, the young millionaire, Is going to teach me to swim." - - "To swim!" exclaimed the guest, wonderingly. "Why, Pauline, I thought you had been taught already." "Yes, so I have, dear," said Pauline, "but not by him." 18 EPILEP8Y CONQUERED? New Jersey Physician Said to Have Many Cures to His Credit. Red Bank, N. J. (Special). Advices from every direction fully confirm previous reports that the remarkable treatment for epilepsy being admin istered by Dr. Perkins of this city, is achieving wonderful results. Old and stubborn cases have been greatly benefitted and many patients claim to have been entirely cured. Persons suffering from epilepsy should write at once to Dr. H. W Perkins, Branch 49, Red Bank, N. J. for a supply of the remedy which Is being distributed gratuitously. Adv. Old One. "Johnny, why did Washington cross the Delaware?" "Aw, why did de chicken cross de street?" Paur Knows Evervthlno. Willie Paw, what is the greatest lommon oivisori Paw Divorce, my son. TOMACH MY GAS. USUI- Pane's Diapepsin" fixes sick, sour, gassy stomachs, in five minutes. Time it! in five minutes all stomach distress will go. No indigestion, heart burn, sourness or belching of gap, acid. or eructations of undigested food, no dizziness, bloating, or foul breath. Pape'a Diapepsin Is noted for its peed in regulating upset stomachs. It Is the surest, quickest and most cer tain indigestion remedy in the whole world, and besides it Is harmless. Please for your sake, get a large fifty-cent case of Pape's Diapepsin from any store and put your stomach right. Don't keep on being miserable life Is too short you are not here long, so make your stay agreeable. Eat what you like and digest It; en joy it, without dread of rebellion la the stomach. - Pape's Diapepsin belongs In your home anyway. Should one of the fam ily eat something which don't agree with them, or in case of an attack of Indigestion, dyspepsia, gastritis or stomach derangement at daytime or during the night, It Is handy to give the quickest relief known. Adr. AS GREEK UNDERSTANDS IT Student's Rendering of Shakespearean Phrase Somewhat Literal, But He Had the Idea. A young Greek merchant of Wash ington, who has been taking lessons In English from a private tutor, has so far advanced that his teacher recently introduced him to the beauties and perplexities of Shakespeare. He was Instructed to read a passage several times until he bad the Ideas firmly fixed in his mind and then, closing the book, to put these ideas into his own English, following as closely as his memory permitted the author's text He had read over a soliloquy of Othello's several times and was re producing the Moor's somber thoughts with pretty fair approximation to the poet's words, but when he reached the last line: "Farewell, Othello's occupa tion's gone!" he stopped short, utterly at a loss. The original phrasing had quite escapped him. However, he had grasped the idea, for after a few sac. onds of frowning perplexity his brow cleared. 'Ah. I hat eet!" he exclaimed. "Eet es this: 'So long! Othello's lost hees jopt'" New York Evening Post Enjoy Being Miserable. There are people so pitiably consti tuted who, as Carlyle terms it, are "rich in the power to be miserable." Some people are never happy unless they are miserable and make others miserable. They never enjoy anything except poor health that's their spe cialty. WHY CRIP IS DANGEROUS. It I an Epldemio Catarrhal Feves? Caused by a Bacillus that Ganw My Laavaa the Patient Weak After the Acuta Stage Has Passed. Grip Patients Grateful to Peruna, the) Expectorant Tonio. Do not make the error of regarding? tnip as an exaggerated cold. Tber la a big difference between the two. Grip Is an epldemio disease that poi son the vital organs. When a per son has grip, the air passages are) alive with millions of bacilli poison ing the blood. The Infected person feels tired and exhausted. Peruna Is a Tonlo Laxative. It requires a good tonlo laxative to keep the body of the patient aa strong UM possible to counteract the effect of the polaons created by the grip bacil lus. An expectorant tonlo with some laxative qualities Is the safest rem edy. Such la Peruna. Beware es pecially of coal tar powders or tablets) because they lessen the vitality of the patient There Is no speclflo for the grip. Peruna has been used with good success In former grip epidemics. In dications point to the return ot grlpi. this winter. Do not fall to read the experience) of former grip patients with Peruna. Mrs. Gentry Gates, 121 First Ave, East Lake, Ala., writes: "I had a bad case of grip. I tried Peruna and It cured me. I can safely say It Is a line medicine.' Mrs. Charles B. Wells, Br, il Couth fit., Delaware, Ohio, writes! "After a severe attack of la anppe I took Peruna and found It a good tonio. IAiJr Your DruggM tor Fre Peru OA Luckjf Almwao tor 191 i.