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'JVlotber Listobvn Humorist Dtituih of wu7. sottln' In ."lutl'tf barbershop to-du.. An' ol' i'oppei-coord Winn Stroked his ehln fin' paumd to n.i. That In PlttsbuiK Mary'.' lamb Couldn't be a white one. eh? Wicker took the subject up An' chipped in to say that when Wash day comes the clothes wus rU Clcarmr 'fore they washed 'em thun When they lump out on the line An' was taken in uK'iin. Ol' Moir laughed an' asked me If 1 would live there, an' I Rot Solltim-llke an' said: "If it's I'lttsburg stogie smoke, like Mott Is a-fllUn' up tho room Jlat nt present with. I'd not!" Detroit Tribune. EJDQP" F (Copyright 1905 by Dally Story Pub. Co.) A man camo down tho vhar at Bonner's Point and beholding Captain Silas Bugbee leaning over the rail of the schooner Amanda accosted him. "Can I hire this boat to take me to Rushton to-night?" he asked. Tho skipper turned his hard blue eye on the speaker, whose habiliments and manner bespoke a city-bred man. "You can't," he replied, "she's a job for to-night." "That's bad," responded the pros pective hirer; "I am anxious to be in Rushton in time to take the steamboat for Baltimore. I'd give ten dollars for the passage." The skipper moved uneasily. With the present sou'-west wind a run over to Rushton wouldn't take more than three hours. Ten dollars was not to be passed by and as a matter of fact this skipper expected to spend five dol lary that very night. "When do you want to start?" ho ashed. Til be ready at six o'clock and I suppose you can get me in Rushton bv nine. The steamboat leaves there at ten." fitill the skipper pondered. Ho pro posed to bo married that night and was then preparing to go across the bay for that very important accessory ti a wedding a clergyman. In fact, tin engagement had already been made with tho reverend gentleman. WfA m "You can't," he replied, "she's a job for to-night." However, a wedding can be postponed "iie day and a clergyman is likely to le Qt leisure most any evening and ihftn ten dollars "I'll do it," said tho skipper, "be i hrre at six o'clock." rhauled bis running rigging and nil ready for bis sail to RU3b Hie customer onrared oa tb? hour in a hired wagon which the cap tain know belonged in Bonner. "I wonder who tho feller is?" he mur mured; "I don't know of no strangers here." The man assisted another man, curi ously muffled for tho time of year, out of the wagon. A man very awkwardly clothed and muffled as to tho neck in a comforter. A slouch hat was pulled far over his face. "Something queer," muttered the skipper, "but it's no business of mine." "This is Captain Bugbee, the owner of the boat," remarked the man who had arrangd negotiations to his com panion. Tho muffled man emitted a sound very like unto a smothered laugh and turned his face away from the skip per. "My friend is sick," said the hirer of the boat. "Im anxious to get him to Baltimore. I'll help him up the plank." Then a big portmanteau was brought over the rail and the sick man went down into tho cuddy. The skipper cast off and was hold ing tho schooner hard against the wind when ho was hailed from a skiff which had put out from tho oppeviito side of tho bay. "Isn't that Captain Bugbee?" hntlod a man in tho little craft. To an af firmative answer ho went on. "I'm the Rev. Mr. Glubb and you were coming lor me this evening. I put out to meet. you. captain." Now, the captain, as before hinted, intended to marry Miss Arabella Pit kins that very night. Miss Pltkins had been left tho most desirable sum of $5,000 by her father, in possession of which sho was to como on attain ing her twentieth year. This event would occur tho coming winter and was viewed with apprehension by her uncle. Captain Abel Woods, in whose care she had been committed by her father. It was obvious that a girl a3 attractive as was Arabella and with money to boot would not long remain unmarried and when sho did marry tho $300 allowed him annually for her maintenance and schooling ceased. Then Captain Bugbee came on the scene and paid ardent court to Ara bella. It is possible that Captain Bug bee had had a regard for his parents and also as to the future welfare of his soul, but tho on thing he loved was money. Had no been a poet, and happily he was not, his Impassioned odes would have been dedicated to debars rather than to raven tresses or to liquid blue eyes. The very at tractive personality of tho girl was en tirely secondary to tho snug sum of money she would inherit and Captain Bugbee determined at all odds to have tho money and as a necessity tho girl. But he did not find favor with Arabella and the wily mariner enlist ed the support of Captain Woods by playing upon hi:, cupidity. Ho prom ised, that in the event of Arabella, warrvhxs htm he would reside with hir. wife r.t. tho Woods home and thn $:;0 would be increased to $500 A year. As Arabella was gentle and obedient Captain Woods nnd his wife had no doubt of succeeding in per suading her to consent lo marrying Captalt: Bugbee. Ho had no appar ent rivals, for country beaux were not countenanced and she knew no one outside of the village. True, she had spent two months in Baltimore tho past year with Mrs. Woods' sister, but she seemed to have made no acquaint ances. The negotiation dragged and Captain Bugbee's hunger to possess the money grew. Finally, Arabella was commanded by her uncle to pre pare to marry Captain Bugbee in throe weeks, and. to his surprise, tho girl made no violent protest. "You sop I wns all prepared for tho wedding." said tho clergyman as he reached the deck of tho schooner, pointing to a book In his hand. "It won't be until to-morrow night," re plied the skipper. "I was obliged to run up to Rushton to-night." "As long as I'm aboard I'll go with you," responded tho minister. "I've a few things to attend to in Rushton." "Are you a clergyman?" enquired the man who had hired the Amanda and who had just come up out of the cuddy. Mr. Glubb replied in the afflrmntlve. "Then," said the man, "I'd like a word or so with you." Tho two disappeared down tho cud dy ladder. "I hope that sick man won't die on, board," mused tho skipper; "he must bo worse or what would si preacher have to t'.o?" The o&cupants of the cuddy remain ed below until the schooner reached "Marriage be !" howled the skipper. its destination and then, with a pre occupied countenance, the Rev. Mr. Glubb accompanied the two puusen gers ashore, asking the skipper to wait a half hour for him. When ho camo back the marine in quired if he had burled the sick man. "Rather mysterious, but license all regular," replied the clergyman, "the sick man happens to be a well unman and I've just married her to the mau who accompanied Iter." "Did you find out her name," risked Captain Bugbee, turning pale. "Why, how else could I havo mar ried her? Her name's Arabellp Plt kins and she told me there was a hor rible old wretch trying to force 02r to marry him. She had to disguise her self as a man to escape. Tho mrr. she married sho met in Baltimore last your. He seems a very good sort of fellow." After an astonished pause tho cler gyman said sharply. "Please renem her my calling, Captain Bugbee. Such language as you are using is displace fill and I've a mind to refuse tc per form the marriage ceremony to mor row night for you." "Marriage bo ." howled the skipper and Mr. Glubb Hod down Into the cuddy. SHOWS A THOUGHTLESS SPIRIT Deaf People in Social Gatherings Too Often Forgotten. Sho was very (loaf, and so the con versation ran on busily about her, sho looked around with a pathetic little smile that said, plainly. "I know that I am counted out, and I try to be re signed." Once or twice, when laughter rang out or a hush of astonishment fell up on the company, she looked tip eager ly as if about to ask what they were saying. But then sho remembered that some one would hnve to come, sit close beside her, and speak very loud ly to make her understand. And she sighed a little and was silent, content ing herself with watching the changing expressions on tho faces around her. Yet she was the brightest woman there, the most gracious, the most cultivated and tactful. If some ono had only taken the trouble to sit be sice her and give her the clow to tho various remarks she could havo en tercd Into tho conversation and add ed much to it. But she was deaf and they were thoughtless and rudo. It is so easy just to neglect them and lot the con versation run over their heads. There iiro few faults of which a usually well bred company is more often guilty. Yet it is an extremely rude and un kind thing. There should be some one in every well bred gathering gentle enough of heart to draw the deaf person into the circle, and by tactful little comments and occasional repetitions of what is going on, make that ono feel that she is not overlooked nor counted -worth-loss just because the hearing is not as good as it once was. Chicago Journal. Sleeping in Sunshine. A man who has just returned from n sojourn at the seashore has solved the problem of taking a siesta on the beach in full sunshine without so much as the shade of a parasol and yot without injury to the eyes, says the Philadelphia Record. "It's simple onough when you know how," ho says, "and consists merely in putting a light-weight bandage over the eyes and fastening it in tho back so it won't como off during sleep. A hand kerchief will do if you haven't any thing better, but it is needlessly wide and a little heavy. All you want is a narrow strip which keeps out tho light and yet permits you to get all tho air you want, something which is impossible if you put a hat over your face. Tho bandage ought to be dark in color, too, it possible. A woman's long black silk stocking is just the thing. I learned this trick from an army offlcer, who says it's a common thing for soldiers sleeping in the open on tho western plains, where it begins to get light as early as 4 o'clock in tho morning and where sleep without such a bandage is impossible." Wrong Flavor for Bath. A traveling man who sells flavoring extracts registered at one of the largo hotels yesterday and told the clork that he wanted a bath. The city water was exceedingly muddy, hut the clerk forgot that. Ho assigned the guest to a room with a private bath attached. Fifteen minutes later tho clerk was called '.o the house tele phone. It was t'.io new arrival who wanted him. "Hey." caller! the traveling man, "you've given me the wrong Ilavor." "What do you mean?" asked tho puzzled clerk. "I've got a chocolate bath here." was the reply. "I want vanilla." Kansas City Times. She Jb a wife girl ho is knowi, :' be car?ari: tie declines tp J?so Co-Operatlon. William Crooks, ouo of the Labor members of the English Parliament, speaking the other day at the Crvstal , palace, touched on one of the radical difficulties of labor co-partnership thus: "I know what they say about co-operation. They growl, 'Ave we ?ot ter work as 'ard fer ourselves as we did fer the guv'nor'." 'Yes,' 1 say, 'you're your own guv'nor& now. Get at U sad orV as hp.rd as ryi can ' '