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TRi-WEEKLYEDITION. WIINNSBORO, S. C., APRIL 9 1895. SALSE 89
The New York dog show Is said to be
a howling success. , I
Electricity presents an ingenious the
5ry that light is produced by noise
- osh! Look at Congress.
Chicago has decided that South Da
kota divorces are bad. And this may
be regarded as an expert opinion, too.
Count Castellane and Anna (ould
were married twice: but probably one
divorce ceremony by and by will be
Horses are now so cteap out West
that when a horsethief is captured he
is not lydched, but is sent to the near
est insane asylum.
After all, girls. the best way to get ,
husband is to pick out an eligible bach
elor and listen with -a pleased air to
every word he says.
The Cincinnati Enquirer has disco'v
ered a "negro monstress" in Ohio. We
feel quite certain that Noah Webster
niever could have done It.
It Is queer that there should be any
difficulty in retiring the greenbacks.
Our experience has shown that green
backs always are too retiring.
England has such a horror of war
that she goes on spending millions in
building torpedo boats, battle ships.
and long-range guns warranted to liill.
A San Francisco man was arrested
and fined $40 for sneezing in a theater
during a performance. California the
atricals are evidently not to be sneezed
Envious critics who are wondering
why Chicago suspended a policeman
for sleeping on his beat should remem
ber tiiat there were no saloons open in
Hetty Green's opinion that the wnrha
Is going to smash loses nothing of its
fervor from the fact that she faces the
prospect of paying taxes just like peo
ple who have less to pay on.
The Toronto woman whose husband
h:-l her life insured for $290,000 did
e.jht in having the policies canceled.
lu ier modesty she probably reckoned
that no living woman was worth the
A Washin.gton dispateh says that
in.ton to cscapo publicity and was one
of the lions at a recepiion given by the
Brices list nigIft" iD is ideas of escap
Ing pnblife:t are certainly uuique.
A Berlin street car company has just
paid S2710o in the city treasury fpr
the privilege of crossing -a certain
frcet. hI ose slow-going foreigners
have no comprehension of real modern
political methods. They could have
bought the entire City Council for less
Our sympathies go out to Actor Ham~
* Woodruff. Young Mr. Woodrazf was
indieed to go to college in order to
educate himself up to the requis;ite
matrimonial standard of the Gould
family. Nowv he has lost the girl and
tinds~ himself with a good .education
on his handIs and no way to get ihe
cashi on it
A faw yearR ago California offerea
a bounty of $5 each for rooyote scalps.
It was thought then that there were
about 2,000 coyotes in the State, but
thie claims for bounties for the last
three months aggregate $53,000, with
seventeen counties yet to hear from.
Coyote raising is fast becomning one
of the most proitable industries of the
The faculty of Harvard by a two
thirds rote hare deelared that intereoi
leglate football onglit to be abolished.
Thec recommendatlon is advisory only
and the committee on athleties is ntot
under obligation to adopt it except up
on its own conv~etion that the interest
of the university would thus be pro
moted. The consensus of op!nicon amon
the best educationTal elements in the
country has long been against football
as it has been played of late S ears. It
has ceased to be sport. It has become
mere thuggery. Prize fights forbidden
by lawv in nearly all civilized countries
and possible now only by denattce and
elusion of police rarely presented rrtore
revolting features than have be<-n wit
ne'ssed in professed gentlemen's games
of football conducted in the name ad
under the auspitces of great institutious
of learning. Indian games In the old
rock inclosures of South and Central
America were not more sacrificial of
life or limb; the cripplings, melmmin;:s
and deaths due to football for a few
years past reaching an aggregate tha t
may well make college suthorities con
sider whether such. a game. so played,
belongs in ain era of civilization or tg
recientiou deemed exploltive of s'ill..
Weather or Cofice?
Landlady-Is it cold enough for you?
Boarder (vindicti vely)-Do you mean
Friend from the next street (to hap
py father)-H-alloa, Jills, let me con
gratulate you. I hear that you have :s
new boy at your house. Happy father
-By G;eorge. can you hear him all that
Banker (to applicant for clerkship)w
"Have, you had any experience in a
bank?A Applicant--"Yes, sir; I was .a
depositor in one, until the cashier ran
away w ith all the funds!"-Harper'i
WHERE BRAVERY FORSOOK HIM,
He had tramped the wilds of Africa ant
seen the wild giraffe,
And had gazed on lions fierce with greab
le had listened with tranquility to the
striped hyenas laugh,
And faced tigers with a courage that
le had scripped with big prize fighterr
in the zenith of their fame,
And had fought a dozen duels with the
greatest of temerity;
Re had entered burning buildings and
saved women from the flame,
And had swum Niagara's rapids with
tIe'd played quarter back at football and
had come out safe and sound,
And had waded through gunpowdes
with a candle that was lighted; .
Ie had rescued prisoned miners in the
caverns under ground,
And in scenes of slaughter he was
When no one knew just how the clotA
that's bullet-proof would work,
He had worn it while the maker experl
There was searcely a known danger hi&
courageous heart would shirk,
And the more the risk the more he waA
But one bargain day, while saunterinh
past'a mammoth dry goods store,
When the weather was a-sweltering
And his friends dared him to try to pas.
the women round the door,
He refused, for his courage went a,
-New York Sun.
HER OLD FOSSA.
HERE was 8t
much talk about
-/ Professor Ches.
ney before he ar
rived that Larry
sick of the sub
Larry was the
only one of the
family who had
not met him, and
with her usual
up her mind not
to like him. * He
was learned In mathematics, which
iuly scored against him in her eyes.
"The calculating power alone should
S t.a human, of Qluali
ties," she quoted, her small nose in the
air. -"There is sometgli wrong about
a man whom everybody likes. My
prophetic soul tells me I shall not take
*o him, at least."
The Wednesday the professor was
expected Larry went for a long walk.
She met Ned Erskine and Harry Win
throp, two young artists with whom
she was good friends, and enjoyed her.
self very much, getting in barely in
time to dress for dinner.
They were assembled around the
(able when she slipped Into her place,
and there was a reproof in her mother's
Voice when she said: "My third daugh
'.er, Larinda, Professor Chesney."
If there was anything that her third
daughter hated, it was being addressed
by her bal~ismal name. With a pout
of' her red under lip she bowed hastily,
and it wa s not until she had disposed
of her soup that she looked at her op'
A tall, thin man with brown hair ant
t short brown beard and moustache,
thickly streaked with gray, a large
domelike forehead, and near-sighted
gray eyes? that looked kindly at her
through his spectacles.
He was a little surprised at the hos.
tile expression in the brilliant brown
eyes. which surprise deepened into a..
tcnishment when, in answer to a low
voiCed remark, the young lady replied
also in a I nw tone, but so distinctly that
h~e heardl 'very word: "I think he is an
Notwitlistanding this, several timeb
during the meal his eyes strayed to the
white-robed figure, the bent, shining
brown head, and once, in the midst of
a remark from Augusta, he turned
Iquickly to listen to a peal of merry
'aughter from Larry.
Several of her friends came In during
the evening, and she devoted herself
to their entertainment, completely .i
norin;g the professor. When she kept
up this behavior for nearly a week it
nitracted the attention of her family as
well as that of the visitor, and when
genftle hints w'ere scorned Larry was
severely r:'r rimanded.
"You are positively unladylike." sakt
.uMrs. Austin. "and I insist on at least
civility. ie must think you an ill
nranne red child."
"I dare say I do seem a child to hb
a.dv.anc'ed years," saucily answered
"You are exceedingly impertinent,'
mswered Mrs. Austin, who was now
v-ery an;:ry. "I insist on your being
iite~ to l'rofessor Chesney, and doing
your share tow~ardl entertaining him, of
,shall certainly coinplain of you te
rtour father. Leave thezroom, miss."
A little ashamed and wholly angry
L-irry whisked out of the room al-most
itro the irofessors armus, with such
'.jrc' as to ramther stag:;er him.
With a hasty "1E.cnse me!" she sped
alonig the c'orridior and up the stairs
w:':1l the "estimabtleh gentleman" steci
-ind looked after he'r.
'An old fossili!" he murmnured, with a
~ ht smile. strekmu.; his beard.
Sho~rtly after thlis. to the surprls"o 0
.:11. La:rry suddenly ebauged he.r taicties,
ned at dinner one da:y addresse'd the
pofes~sor. lHe answeredl courteously,
::nd v'ery readily joined in the argm
ment bet ween hersalt and .Tim. Hem
Ir.marka were bright and amusing. li
somewhat crude, anci tne brown eyes4
and changeful face were very attrac. mi
tive. In the evening she played and So
sauz for him. and was as brliht and be
witching as the heart of man could de- J1i
sire, much to the surprise of some and si
the annoyance of others of her family. St
"She means mischief," thought Jim, wi
uneasily. "Are you beginning to suc- 11
cumb to the professor's charms?" he til
whispered. "You know I gave you a ht
"I am thinking of getting up a collec
tion of fossils," she answered, with a fc
mocking laugh, "and this is too fine a w
specimen to lose. Don't you dare in- rA
"Poor wretch," rejoined Jim. "He
has my sympathy." z t
Unable to account for the change iD tb
Larry's manner, the professor never- ly
1heless found her very agreeable, and,
though never neglecting anyone else,
it soon became evident that she was the
attraction. The other two reluctantly
gave way to her, and it was she who
went with him to picture galleries and r
4ctures and concerts, who was the life
of theater and opera parties-saucy,
willful, charming. PC
With all his gravity and erudition it &
was plain that he admired this ill-regu- a
lated young woman. He had never be
fore been thrown closely into compan
ionship with such a creature. He ad- V
mired her beauty, her dainty costumes, te
even her girlish extrivagance of speech
and saucy disregard of his opinion 5.
pleased him better than Augusta's to
unvarying politeness or Gertrude's o1
cleverness. His eyes followed her ev- ar
ery movement, a wistful light in them
that sometimes touched Jim.
_Larry was carled up in a deep win- is
dow sill, overlooking the park, basking
in the sun, for she was a veritable q
Persian in her love of sunlight, when ge
Professor Chesney came into the room. re
He leaned against the side of the win- a
dow, looking at the picture she made be
in her quaint puffed and furbelowed
gown, the sunlight falling on her brown
Larry looked up, nodded with a amil6
that showed her small white teeth, and
settled back in'her original position, t
waiting for him to speak. And so he ly
did after a while, but not as she ex
"I am going away to-morrow, MfisC
Larry," he said. "My pleasant visit has
come to an end all too soon." Ia
"To-morrow!" echoed the girl, sitting
ap straight. "I am very sorry you aro
And, much to her own surprise, shi
realized thatthe remark was perfectly 1
"I am glad to hear you say that," said
the Professor, trying to keep his voice M
steady. "It makes It a little easier to in
Iay something that is in my heart" be
Then he told his story in warm, eagej as
words, ve usual calm tones
-words arry strangely. fr
There w q ipression on her as
pale face as she stood before him. re
"Professor Chesney," she said, with to
4uivering lips, "I am not worth the ht
love you have offered me. You'll real- as
ize that when I tell you that I have in
only been pleasant and civil to you all to
these weeks, not for liking for you, but 0
to-to plague the others." Eu
IThoroughly ashamed, she bent her m
aead, unable to meet his eyes. at
"You mean th'at you have deliberatel) m:
played a part all these weeks? You p1;
wfhom I thought so frank and true? BI
How could you do it? Then you have .by
not the slightest love for me in your ad
heart--that, I suppose, Is out of the BI
There was a hurt, shocked tone in hI6 dr
voice that touched Larry keenly.- ht
"I don't love you," she answered, "but th
? shall be very grateful if, after what tel
I have told you, you will let me be your
She put out her hand and moved a
atep nearer to hitn, but to her mortifi- eg
cation her extended hand remained un- Bi
"By and by I may be able to appre. de
liate your offer. I shall try, but you've
taught me a hard lesson, Larry, one I'm
not likely to forget Perhaps I ought to
have known better"--but with a break
in his voice-"I'm not used to women.ei
I'm only an old fossil, after all." d
And without another word he left her. St
U'p in her room Larry was still more ha
iurprised to find a bit of crying neces
sary. She could not account for the h
unhappy feeling that took possession;
of her as she reviewed the past weeks s
and realized that the kindly, pleasant I i
companionship she had accepted so ch
heedlessly was at an end. j y
"I suppose he'll hate me now and for'
ever more," she thought between, herfr
Eobs, "but how could I say I loved hioim
when I didn't"
Then she sobbed all the harder. Is
The Professor left the next afternoona ye
while Larry was out ' th
A box of white roses lay on the table. S~
Addressed to her, a card attached, on tir
which was written: "From your friend1, tic
Roger Chesney." That was all, but she1 wl
guessed dimly what an effort it cost him th:
to write it. wi
With trembling fingers she made
three parts of the flowers and gave a<
them to her mother and sisters. cou
"I don't want them," she' said proud. th:
iy, in answer to her mother's remon- an
strange. "I was only civil to him to th<
please you all." Ill
Jim noticed that the brilliant eyes~ sh
store full of tears and that she took va
dhe card away with her. (of
"It must be a relief to you to have sh
1uim gone," he said, as they stood for a s
mnoment in the hall. "Association with WI
such a serious man must have been a m
trial to you." |s
lie was unprepared for the way she f e,
3l med out at him. | ed
"Saich a trial as makes me more will. ID
lng to accept the statemient that mani is be
n~ade after God's own ima;ge and podc
mses some god-like attributes. Now
knd he did, a lurking smile under h
istache and a most emphatic "1)
ye!" upon his lips.
)ne bright morning early In Junt
n opened the door of Mrs. Austin's
ting-room. Larry was there alone.
e had an industrious fit on her, and
th the sleeves of her blue morning
ess turned back, displaying two pret
y rounded arms, feather duster in
.nd, she was whIsking the dust olf
me rare pieces of old china.
"Larry, here is an old friend or
urs," Jim announced. "Treat him
?ll, for he sails for Egypt to-morrow,
ver to return. I'll be back in a min
Rte vanished,' and there, Inside th-,
>sed door, stood Professor Chesney,
inner, grayer, but with the old kind
smile on his lips that she remem
red so well. Startled out of her self
ssession, Larry stood with her duster
spended over gran'ma's hundred
ar-old teapot. -
'I sail for Egypt to-morrow," said the
ofessor, taking a few steps Into the
Dm, "and I may never return. Wout
u wish me godspeed, Larry?"
"rash went gran'mfa's priceless te-.
t in a dozen pieces on the polished
or. and the next thing Larry knew
e was cryin'.
rhe Professor approached her.
"Are you crying because I'm going
ray or because you have broken the
pot?" asked the visitor.
"Both!" cried Larry, with a convul
re sob, which was smothered in the
ds of the Professor's coat as the arms
that estimable gentleman closee
"How about your prophetic soul?'
n asked, later on. "I thought you
lled him a fossil?"
'So I did," answered the young lady,
te unabashed, "but I also said I was
ttng up a collection of fossils, sud
:gnized the fact that he was too fine
specimen to lose. Don't you remem
[n the early days of interior MissourI,
ys the Green Bag, the late Judge E.
t cord-wood, cleared up his home
ad farm, and was employed, on near.
every case that came.up; for he was
r some years the only lawyer in the
untry. He had no books save an old
Lther-covered Bible and an odd vol
2e or two of history; he had only read
w In Kentucky a short time during
i youth. -
k young attorney from the East set
d In the little country town, with his
rary of half a dozeniiew and hand
ind on his
at appearance ir-court-he brought
>st of his library to the justice's office,
a fine, beautifully flowered carpet
g. E. was engaged against him, and
usual, had not a book. .
When his adversary drew his books
)m the pretty carpet-bag, E. looked
tonished, but quickly recovered his
idy resources, and asked the justice
excuse him for a few moments. He
rried to his homestead, half a mile
ray, put his old Bible and histories
:o a grain-sack, brought them into
art, and laid them on the table.
rhe evidence was introduced, and tht
stern man, who was for the plaintfff,
tde his opening argument, and read
some length from his text-books. E.
tde his characteristic speech In re
r closed by reading from his old
ble a law just the reverse of thai
his opponent, and took his seat His
versary reached over, picked up the
ble, and looked at it
'Your honor." said' he, eagerly ad
ssing the justice, "this man is a
mbug and a pettifogger! Why, sir,
is is the Bible from which he has pre
ided to read law!"
[he old justice withered him with a
'Set down!"hle thundered. "Set down
hat better law can we git than the .
le decided the ease in favor of the
An Invalid Suiamp Collector.
Ednee Brower, the 12-year-old 'h
rings, Ark., invalid who was known
her personally or through correspon
nce to people all over the United
tes, Is dead. For seven years she
d been unable to walk or move any
rt of her body except her hands and
ad, on account of injuries to her
ne, received by a fall when she was
ly 5 years old. She was a bright
ld and could read and write. For a
r or more past she has been collect
canceled postage stamps, and
ends from all over the Umited State's
re sending them to her. In this
y she supported herself by selli1:.
mps to dealers. During the pasitI
ur she collected 1,000,000 stamps in
s way, for which she received $100.
e had to lie on her stomach all the
ie, and in that uncomfortable. posi
n she would work day after day,
iting letters and counting stamp9
tt had been sent her, but she was al:
tys bright and cheerful.
L few daysego the malls brought bei
:opy of the Washington Post, which
itained a notice that she was a fraud,
Lt she was not an invalid. This was
error, which probably grew out of
fact that a Miss Edna Brown, of
nois, is also collecting stamps in a
rlar way for the support of an in
lid sister. This notice had the effect
breakig Ednee Brower's heart, for
became fil and died shortly after.
e talked of the publication all the
lle, and said she would collect no
're stamps, for she would rather
re than be pronounced a fraud. A
moments before she died she open
her eyes and asked the physician,
.W. H. Barry, how long It would be
fore she could go to heaven, then she
sed her eyes as though she had only
LET US ALL- LAUG1i.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
Plesant Incidents Occurring the Woft
Over-Sayings that Are Cheerful to the
Old or Young-Funny Selections thas
-Vverybody Will Enjoy Beading.
"Got It this time!" shouted the in
"Got what?" asked his friend.
"Got an Idea that is going to make
.ny fortune. I have invented a furnace
that gets hotter on cold days and cools
off as the weather warms up. All I
want now is to see a capitalist"
"Capitalist! What you want is to see
. doctor."-Indianapolis Journal.
"I see," said Maud, who was reading
the newspapers, "that in discussing
currency they nearly always have
something to say about 16 to 1. I won
der wh'at it nieans."
"Oh," replied Mamie, with an air of
superior knowledge, "I guess it meaus
that the chances are 16 to 1 against
Congress doing anything about it."
"He called me a gibbering idiot,"
ahouted the violent man. "Now, I ask
you candidly, what do you think of
"I should first wish to know just wha
ae meant by gibbering," rejoined .the
cautious party.-Detroit Tribune.
Didn't Worry Her.
Mistress-My goodness! this is awful.
There you are reading dime novels, s'd
;oor little Tommy crying something ter
Jane-Oh, mum, I don't mind it a bit.
Algie-Did she set the dog on you?
Cholly-Yaas; had to hold it the whole
Boy-Mister, would you like to see i)
,dog do a smart trick?
Gentleman-What can he do?
"Most everything. Give him a nickei
and see him go across the street and
uy some candy."
"Very well. Here, doggle! Hum! He
cook it but dropped it and evidently has
20 intention of picking it up."
"He thinks it's a counterfeit, mister.
3ut never mind, I'll go over and pass It
myself.' T~EIaTas honest as he Is."
The Reason of It.
Hillson-I see that, the cheap excur
sions westward are all crowded just
Moxy-Yes; a Dakota judge has just
announced a job lot of divorces below
cost-New York World.
Might 8ave Fuel.
St 1Peter-.Well, who are you?
Newly Arrived Shade-I'm an inven
tor of a smoke-consumer from St.
St. Peter-They need you down be.
Hicks-You are so handy making oves
things I wish you would do something
Mrs. Hicks-What do you want made
Hicks-That box of cigars you bough;
me.-New York World.
"What warrant have you for think'.
ing that Shakspeare was a' broker?"
"Oh. none, only the fact that he hab
turnished so many stock quotations."
A Sure Means.
The following boardIng-house dia
ogue is rep~orted by an excliange:
Jones-"This chicken Is fourteen
Smnith-"How can you tell the age or
Jones--"By the teeth."
Smith-"By the teeth! Chickens don't
ave any teeth."
Jones-"But I havel"
Completed the Circuit.
Spencer-"Has an inquest been held
ver that man who got under the wheel
f a trolley car?"
Fergusou-"Yes. But the jury did
ot agree upon a verdict. They could
iot make upl their minds whether he
as crushed to death or electrocuted.'
A Witty Comedian.
Foote, the comedian, was once threat
ned with a whipping because he had
aricatured a certain man. He apolo
ized fervently, adding: "Why, I take
yself off sometimes!" and slipping
hough an opening in the fence he illus.
;'ated the deed.-Youth's Companion.
Among the Wall-Flowers.
Miss Sears-What is there about Mr.
humpley that he should be'a society
Miss Fitz-He ia the king of beasts.
ew York World.
Her One Regret.
When a woman is jostled by the
.nan who goes out between the acts
her one regret is that he isn't sitting
behind her new theater hat instead of
beside it.-Washington Star.
New Rteporter-"I went to the Hon.
Mr. Mudd's house at S p. m. and they
taid he was in Europe."
New Reporter--Then I went again
it 9, 10 and 11. but each time they said
hae ws. still in Erope." '
NEW STYLE DRESSING CAS.
Has the Novel and Convenient Feat1 p
ure of a Triplicate Mirror. . I
One of the newest shapes in dressint h
!ases is represented in the illustration, c
from the Housewife. The novel fea4
ture of this dresser is that on either side t
of the mirror is attached a much small. 14
er mirror, which works on hinges, so g
that you can see your side face In them g
-in fact, a triplicate mirror, which can D
be closed when not in use, and is very a
serviceable as a gentleman's shaving v
A NEW STYLE DRESSDNG CASE.
glass. Another feature is the two clos- i
ets, one on each end of the dresser'top, Ip
where ladies' and gentlemen's hats can r:
be kept. The fancy toilet set which +1
Is used on this dresser is made of fine
butcher's linan worked in violets, which
is the fashionable craze at present. Th1;
toilet articles are of Dresden china. :
The lMarket Place.
There is no doubt that the protection .
which used to be accorded to the mar- a
ket place from the earliest barbaria:
times has played an important, thou.igh
not an exclusive, part in the emancipa
tion of the mediaeval city. The early
barbarians knew no trade within their
village communities; they traded with
strangers only, at certain definite spots.
on certain determined days. And, in &
order that the stranger might come to e
the barter place without risk of being
slain for some feud which might be run
ning between two kins, the market wai
always placed under the special pro- C?
tection of all kins. It was inviolable,
like the place of worship under the
shadow of which it was held.
With the Kabyles it is still annaya.
like the footpath along which women )
carry water from the well; neither must P
be trodden upon in arms, even during
inter-tribal wars. In inediaeval times '
the market universally enjoyed the .
same protection. No feud could he'
prosecuted on ite place whereto people
came to trade, nor within a certain ra
dius from it; and if a quarrel arose u
In the motley crowd of buyers and sell- i
ers, it had to be brought before those
under whose protection the market d
stood-the community's tribunal, or the r,
bishop's, the lord's, or the King's judge. a,
A stranger who came to trade was a
guest, and he went on under this very
name. Even the lord who had no sern
ples about robbing a merchant on the
high road respected the Weichbild, that P
Is, the pole which stood In the market e:
place and bore either the King's arms it
or a glove or the Image of the local- w
saint, or simply a cross, according to
whether the market was under the pro- ti
tection of the King, the lord, the local
church, or the folkmote-the vyeche-- it
The Nineteenth Century.-.
From the moment when people -ceased
to observe the regular bedtime of ani
mated nature and began to sit upl atc
nights, there beg-an a new era in hu
man affairs. We dont know much
about that Palpeolithic man who hunt
ed bears and rhinoceros and such small I '
deer about our primeval forests; cer
tainly not enough to say whether he
used lamps or candles, or pe'rforce I
contented himself with the, ruddy glow W
of the fire, around which he would sit n
with his family, toasting mammoth Id
marrow or grilling hyena steaks or
o ther toothsome morsels.
Perhaps our prihiitive 'nan was too
fond of fatas an article of diet to care
to waste it in experiments, else he
might easily have invented the rush gm
light, so simple and primitive is it, and w
still made and used in primitive houise- ec:
holds such as you find now and, then fe
among the Welsh hills.w
A bundle of dried rushes dirped sev i
eral times in melted mutton fat, there in
;fs all the process, and a capital miniia- to
ture torch Is the result. which the most w
boisterous winds can hardly extin- t
gnish. Now, somethinug off this kinidont - at
primitive man may have ixnown how w
to make. If he had not :irrived at d (i
his muttons, the fat of the c-are bear y
or the bison'-might have served his a
turn.-All the Year Round. - di
Money would be more eni.ioyable if it .
took people as long to Speud it as it
does to earn it. b!
Praise a man, and somebody will tell a
you something "on" him.
How much a plumber's kit resembles r
a burglar's kit of tools. L
,Tudge Radsdale tells of a Clarksinn -
youth who' wanted to maury. Ht. wei
awfully freckled and homily buit he
said he-axed Sal and she said:
"Well, John, I want to marry. 1
know, but I wants a man all eno~ color." I
-Atlanta Constitution. C
A Kensington youth, who hadi h'.ev
told that a certain young latiy's frmner
had plenty of dough. pro~pos.-dl to her
before he discovered that the oild mI:i
was a baker.--Philadelphiia R-c. ril.
When some women entertain i**.
work so hard that you can't enjoy yot: 1
riit for feelnn enory for th'm~ _
Had Fast Trains Even Thea.
If anybody were asked what coM.
irison exists between the speed of
tilroad trains now and fifty years ago
? would probably say that hardly any
Ln be made.
The difference, however, is far les -
ian Is generally supposed. fu May,
08, the Great Western Railway en
ne Great Britain was driven by En
Leer Almond from Paddington to
idcot, fifty-three miles, in forty-seven
Inutes, starting and stopping. When
e consider that the brakes in those
iys were very crude this is pretty fast
Nor was this done once, but repeat
The broad-guage expresses are fr6
uently timed at the rate of a mile in
)rty-eight seconds, or seventy-five
tiles an hour. and even a higher maxi
tun was attained for short distances.
The Bradshaw for 184S shows that
ie morning express was timed to
,ave Paddington at 9:50 o'clock and
urt again from Dideot at 10:47. Al
wing four minutes for the stop at
ideot the train must have been offi
Ally timed at a mile a minute.
The railway records show that th.
-ain often arrived under time.
.hese facts should silence a grea.
any persons who prate about the
tienomenal progress recently made in
ilroad matters in general and rapid
ansit in particular.
Wanted a Suoject.
"I don't believe you can read mina.,
ncher know," said a chappie to a pro
"Oh yes, I can." replied the lattek
leasanly. . "Bring around somebody.
-ith a nind and I'll soon prove that I
Mrs. Houser-Have you any ide.
hat "speaking terms" means, Mr.
ouser? Mr. Houser-Certainly, mad
u. Anywhere from fifty to two -hun
red dollars per night, according to
te prominence of the lecturer.-Buffalo
She Was No Politician.
''Dd you see all those dreadfil.
mi rgps the papers make against you?"
tid the politician's wife.
"1 did," was the reply. "What am
going to do about it?"
"Why," she answered, almost sob.
[ng, "I-I'd make that horrid editor
cove every word of them, so I would."
"Prove 'em. Great guns! That's ex
tly what I'm anxious to keep hiw
-ou doing If I cani"
'Here's a feller," said Plodding Pete,
ho had been indulging In literature,
mvot says dere's too much labor agit&
on in dis country."
"Dat's wot dere-is." replied Mean
"ring Mike. -"I suffers from it me
i. Every time I think of labor it
,Itates zne."-Washington Star.
Cross Examining a Witness.
A well-known criminal lawyer, who
-ides himself upon his-skill in cross
:amining a witness, had an odd-look
g genius upon whom to operate. The
itness was a shoemaker.
"You say, sir, that the prisoner is a
"Yes, sir, 'cause why, she confessed
"And you also swear she bound shoes
r you subsequent--to the confession?"
"I do, sir."
"Then," giving a sagacious look to the
urt, "we are to understand that you
aploy dishonest people to work for
>u, after their rescalities ar'e known?"
"Of course; how else could I get *8s
stance from a lawyer?"
The counsel said'"Stand aside" in a,
ne which showed that if he had- the
itness' head in chancery little mercy
ght have been expected. The judge
arly choked himself in a futile en
avor to make the spectators believe
at a laugh was nothing but a hic
ugh, while the witness stepped down.
The Debtor and the Dentist.
A curious story reached me of the
anner in. which a man to whom a bill
as owing dealt with his debtor. A
rtain gentleman went to a dentist
r a complete set of artificial teeth. He
ore them for a considerable time, and
nored the repeated requests.for-pay
nt, which the dentist made. .At last,
add Insult to injury, the gentleman
ith the false teeth called on his credi
r and loudly protested his annoyance
the repeated requests for payment,
ith the further renmkrk that the teeth
r not fit. "Oh," said the dentist, "will
>u kindly take a seat that I may look
them?" The visitor did so, and the
ntist carefully drew. the teeth out
en, with a stroke of the pincers, he
ttly snapped the setting Into pieces
d flung the teeth into the waste
sket. Then ha-ving- apolbogized that
y work of his should have cau'sed an
ance, he delivered a graceful, bow
d sent the toothless one home to the
sm of his. famnily.--Birmuinghan
Ti~llsn say's he does not see why there
ufli lbe any objection to women en
rin; the legal profession. NIne out of
'rv te n marrir'd m'n know wel
we that her word is law.-Buffalo
Jimuiets--Why did you leave The'
td! e so suddlenly? Did your num
ii.e-k--"Nn.: but my wife did."-'
w YOLi World.
t a pair of stockinzs etween a womn