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The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, December 09, 1885, Image 1

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NO. 3
It is ii matter of reproach to our so
cial scientists that thu Imbits and cus
toms pf tho joke have received so littlo
attention, it is nu error of tho vulgar
to BlippO30 that :i juke la n literary iuo
toor that Dashes across the intellectual
sky for a moment and then disappears
forever. Even trained observers have
been deceived into expressing much
tho samo opinion; and a colobratod
scientist, whoso services to mankind
justify us in concealing his nanto in
connection with thc charge, was hoard
.to declare that a joke v.-.s "au instance
of intellectual aberration unworthy of
serious attention." Nothing could bo
further from tho facts. Loaving asido
any dipoussion of tho first causo ?of tho
joko, which would involvo us in tho
obscurities of metaphysical discussion,
wo may BtatO boldly that tho joko has
well-delincd habits and peculiarities,
and a study of its history and develop
ment is well worthy the attention of
the foremost minds in science
It is evident to any obscrvor thal tho
joko may ho accurately divided into
races and nationalities. No ono who
had paid tiio slightost attention to tho
subject could possibly mistako a Gor
man joko fur a French joke, or a
Flench jukw for a British joke. In fact,
they are as plainly marked nfl' from
each other as any two breeds of dogs,
ami each undoubtedly has its different
habits. An adequate discussion of tho
HUbjoctcan nut oven be outlined in this
column. Nevertheless as a sundi con
tribution lo au important subject, wo
offer the following account of a singlo
member of tho large and interesting
family known ?is tlc- American joke:
lt is eight months or moro since tho
chostnut joke first saw tho light. Its
birth is involved in obscurity, in spito
ol earnest efforts to trace its nncestrv.
In the early days of its existence it
gaYO no aigri <>i coining greatness. Wo
know the story of the school al Brion
nc, where Bourionno took thc prizes
over Napoleon; Bourionno is now re
membered not us the "prizo boy,"
but as Nopoloou's sccrotary. In a 1 i ko
manner Un; tin-pan joke or the nigger
baby juke of even dale, willi tho chost
nut Seemed surer of fame. At tho time
the chestnut appeared Ibo paiut-thc
lown-red joke was at tho Uolgbt of its
lanie. Its monthly appearance in Jan
uary was twenty-six thousand seven
hundred and forty-six, willoh is sur
passed only by its unprecedented No
vember record ul lliirly-cigltt thousand
yine hundred, ?lue lo Hie looal disturb
ing cause nf a Democratic victory that
month al tho polls. For thu same
month the chestnut appeared in public
but a bcguarly ono hundred and eleven
times. Ui'evious lo lhat dato it was so
insignificant as not to seem worthy of
record. Starting from this point, wo
soo tho gradual rise of tho chesnut and
the corresponding decline of paint-thc
towa-red. in February tho chestnut
appeared twelve hundred and forty
four times, and the paint-tho-lown-red
appeared twenty-live thousand niuo
hundred and fourteen times. This docs
not necessarily indicate any falling off
in the popularity of tho latter, for tho
cdfect of hard limes was most severely
felt lhat mouth, the total output of
jokes being six per cent under that of
January; bul th?: increase of the chest
nut joke under such unfavorable cir
cumstances is truly signilioant. Tho
following mouth palnt-thu-town-rod
nearly held ils own, appearing twenty
live thousand seven hundred and nine
teen time-, but the chestnut increased
lo ihh'ty-two hundred. Tao following
month it increased by eleven hundred,
while tim paint-lhc-town-rod declined
by Denny tho saine ll nhl bot'. But in
the month of May the chestnut leaped
nt one astonishing nound lo fourluoa
thousand seven hundred and eighty ap
pearances. Ils only ono livid coming
down something less than tho samo
lt is .scarcely neee-isary to go furthor
into deiai.s. The August returns givo
a tolai ol more than tweniy-nino thous
and uppqntalices tor incciieslnut,while
its rival is all but as extinct as Mr.
Crawford's "dado." Tho reports for
the lirst half of tho present month in
dicate that the total will fall littlo if
any belo v that of August, although
the ieturn-of-the-suiuincr-hoardor has
acted ns a disturbing oloinont. Wo
may ilSMlfdo however, from tho fore
going figured that tim ohos tn Ut has
re:.ched in full deveiopmout, and is
doomed to a speedy decline. It is dau
serous to generalizo nom but two or
three instances, but from tho obvious
similarity of I he caroora <>f tho success
fid American jok , ii ll almost cortain
that their existen :o is determinod by
llxcd nnd Imuiutablo laws. Wo havo
not tho Uguie* ot had to verify this
statcmont, but wo pronounce it in all
We may suppose, therefore that tho
chestnut must follow tho path alroady
troddVn bv paint-tho-town-rod and its
prodeeossors, and. after seeing tho rise
of some successful rival that is ovon
now In tho obscure throng, will bocoino
extinct in about eight months, its riso
Las taken an equal longth of limo, lu
spito of a few woll-known oxcoptiona
whoro a joko has boen nblo to survivo
in a toothless, mumbling condition fof
two or throe yoars, wo may aafoly
state that tho iivorago lifo of the suc
cessful Aaiorican joke is sixtoon or, at
tho moat, eighteen months. Tho sub
. 5octda ono of much inlorost.and should
attract sonio young and onthusiastlo
social scientist.
.'I atti ? vory"umid man," writes a
subscriber I* Ohio. "l ftm ".Ifou!
constitutionally timid; a vory coward,
ba fact. I stn ?shamed of lt, but 1
' can't help it. Now. what profession
or occupation eau I adopt In tho prac
tice of.which I will bo roost perfectly
?nfc from harm or danger?" Goto
France, roy son; go to Franco and bo
?duelist. Or you mi<;ht romalo in
. America and lie a pugi. -Sb"-brooklyn
There'll bo a protty how-do-do
ll WO t. y.~.-j -
among Now Jmvy lawyers if the
conn,follow un tho |tf-i'cedcnt t$i?>
lUhod by ViocChaniollor Bird In bis
decision that a lawyer who inducos a
client to give mi W-OOO wortftagofor
$970 and then ?oils it himself torW.iW
nuut turn the prudi ..vcr lo Ibo client
Imuesd of pookeih.$ ?I himself. Jptsey
pettifogger Will b?il >o ?eo the uso ol
being lawyers If they have to be tu*
honest a?other men.--UtetUown (fa.)
Curl'tu* Coins.
"What is that curious-looking eop^
per piocoP" asked; h reporter ot aUcal
or in old coins.
' That is tho Rotuna Acs, a coin
which was in usc in Koine about 2,200
yours ago. It is un original; it could
not bc spurious, mid for tho reason
that though tho coiu itself. SO far a< its
outward bil apo is concerned, might b,j i
counterfeited, it would bu Imposable
to imitate tho red patilla, ' br "Abating,
upon it. You soo, this coin Iii? two
coatin/gs of colored matter-ono green
aild tho other rod. Well, tho green
can bc imitated by modern ingenuity,
but tho red Staff can not bo pul upon
counterfeit coins by any process tit
prosent known to the world.
"Where do you got those ancient
coins that woro in uso so many years
agoP Whcro are they found?"
"Well, you seo, pcoplo in thoso an
cient times did not have banks and
bank vaults to deposit their wealth in
for safc-keoping. As you Know, tho
Kornaus wore almost constan ?ly at
warfare With others, and thoso "who
had money would frequently hide il ill
tho earth or secure il in the walls of
their dwellings when they went to liiu
wars. Those who were killed loft,
quito oftOD, 1)0 trace of where I hoir
wealth was biddon, and so ii rom ai noil
to bu resurrected by some modern relie
hunter. A great many ancient coins
have been found also in river beds. 1
think that in many instances they were
put into rivers by people who wished
to havo their history remembered hy
tho coining ages. There havo been
coins found in ibo Thames near old
London bridge by which wo eau trace
many of tho Kornau emperors. Tho
fact that they huvu thus been found
in order scorns lo clearly indicate that
they were deposited on purpose by per
sons desirous of perpetuating tho
names of tho rulers. Tims, by thcau
coins of ancient Koine, man)' things
pertaining to that great empire, which
ruled as mistress of tho World are inado
known to us. Many things arc indeli
bly impressed upon the mind by glanc
ing at tiieso coins nuil afterward be
coming interested in thu subjuot. 1
do uot believe there cati be a belter
educator of the history of any cou ll I ry
than a collection of its coins. Ibu
symbolic devices and inscriptions upon
thom have a priceless V.tiuo in lixing
upon tho mimi tho great facts and un?
odis to which they refer. Not only
does this apply lo ancient coins; ii is
equally lino of modern coins. Here is
something that to the thinking man in
dicates agr?ai social and business rev
olution in the manner ami customs of
tho pcoplo who uso it, for hero you seo
a specitnou of thu largest coin ever
J; now n to bo ill uso miy where. "
Tho reporter was ?truck with aina/.e
mout when informed that .the inigo
squaro copper phittor-liko affair was it
coin. Proceeding, thu dealer ?aid:
"Yes, it is a Swedish pioeo and gen
erally weighs from (J to 7 pounds. This
ono woig is G} pound-;, lt is 1"^ inches
wide by OJ Inches long, and is a very
raro coin, lt was mudo during tho
roigu of Frederick, king of Swollen, in
tho year 17~'.J. lu the emter of tho
piece, inclosed in u circle, you see tho
stamp '4-dolor,' und underneath tho
words 'Silt (bynt' (silver money), and
in ouch of tlie four corners, and m or
der to prevent tho coin hoing clipped,
thoy wore stamped with the royal coat
of arms."-Boulon (Lobe.
i .oi ?i f?oughton'H Peon Harli les.
As a poet it is easy to underrate Lord
Houghton, and it Is equally easy to
overrate him. With him il was ail of
lito to live, if not all of death to die.
To such thc richest fountains of poeti
cal inspiration mo never opel,ed. It
may bo doubted wholhcr any poet of
lils time, howover, moro adequately ex
pressed what aud nil of what ho felt
and wished to say. Persons of doubt
ful positions and things of a moro or
loss disorderly character had a strange
fascination for ids muse AS they li td for
him -elf. Ho folt mt lively a curiosity
to know a phenomenally bad niau us a
phenomenally good one, partly, per
haps, bo?ausu according to convention
al standards tho latter aro the rarer
Nothing human or inhuman lay beyond
tho rango of his Curiosity- a pi miliar?
ity Which I oneo beard illustrated by
tho following story. Whetlu r Iruo or
not, there is nothing improbable about
it. A criminal was to bu hiing at niuo
o'clock, tho event to bo announced to
tho public by tho tiring of a gun. Soma
ono ut Houghton'* breakfast table re
marked that it was after nine and tho
gun had not boon tired; tho execution,
thorofore, must havo been postponed.
"Oh no," promptly replied his sister;
"tho mau luis surely been hung, or
brother would havo had him hore at
bruakfast." Whether from a spirit of
generous toleration, or charity, or lovo
of fair play, or sympathy for tho Weak?
or party, or a curious taste for tho
paradoxical, or nil thoso combined, his
muso scorned to havo been coiisocratod
to tho defenso ot people and conduct
that woro ou tho defensive. Though
not ranking with tho great pouts of Ino
world, Lord Houghton long beforo his
doatli hud secured for himself an en
during pl:.ce among tim poets of Eng
land.-lion. John Bigelow, in Harper s
Magatine for iSovcmUe,r.
Wi.i.ted i .li/. ii> i ii, Anyway.
Hor affections center upon a doll
whoso name-the longos, tier tonguo
could frame nt tho timo it was bestow
ed-is Elizabeth. For some misde
meanor ot unusual gravity this young
lady was sent to bcd at nil early hour,
and in tho woo attending tho Infliction
of this punishment abe formt to tako
with hor tho cherished Elizabeth to
.diam her couch. Roiilizlng hor deso
lation sbo summoned hor mother by
calls from tho chamber:
. "Munmin! I want Elizabeth. PlcasO
bring Elisabeth up to mel"
'Ibis mitigation of tho p..nulty was
denied; but tba demand WU* ropeated,
oaoh refusal being followod by a yoi
more petulant raquent, until linully
thoro came a suggestion of thu hutt io
iort of maternal disciplino:
"Neil'?. 1 nui it?t'rtui 1 miall havo to
como up and punish you."
Quick cunio tim responso, punctuat
ed with sobs:
"Well, when you como up, pienso
brlug Elizabeth."--/ o?ton iiecord.
1 l'KKSO?. \I, l'AilAOP?AVllS.
~MV. H. Gilbeijt, Mr, Sullivan's col
abo u er, is io pass rtto winter in Egypt.
_ -KlngThocbaw is a handsome young
fell k).W pf I twenty-six.
-{-Col. J. Annoy Knox, of TcXftS
&ij[till(f*i lois admitted that bo ju tho
auifhor of ..Itoftuliful Snow.''
.Mle?rgO Wi Coble, Un1 novelist,
bas beebo'" Su,,,.h.iy'behool toucher
at' bi-; 'm'w hohiu i:1 Northampton,
Mas?. ".'**. ...
-Edwin Mooth wa- llfiv-two Vi \tl}'*.
old on November L'0,ti nd iielebVuloti'fj
tho anniversary in ti quiet way lu Hal- ',
timor?. I (
- Dr. Albert Thompson, a y.-ung!
Irish physician, lias been presold,! tl I I
willi Ibo Abell medal for remo vii
poison in a caso of diphtheria by sue
lng il away.
- Hr. Alvarez, Um (anion-; French I ]
llOtnueopaHlisr, bul, win? believes in bi; 1
doses in Hie way ol' bills, med for
$125,000'fbr medical attoudanco ot' a M
Princess, bili was awarded oulv $17,- '
OOo, though be bad refused $80,000 to ;1
compromise the mal ter.
- Sam dones managed to keep on. ! ,
of thc way of tho oycFono in his North- j
Western tour, but. he ha-- met with a
terrible blow in the discover) that ;
bogus Sam dones has been doing cit- I.
tirely successful revival work through I
rove ra I towns in Minnesota.
--A colored citizen ot'l*i ince Edward
county, Virginia, ascribes Cen, Lee's
election lo'ila; lad timi ho carried
charms. kio says Im "seed 'oin.''
When asked what tho ? harm- were, he
said, thc ?cit hind toot ol' a graveyard
tabbil, a vial ol' sliuupwntcr, and n
coon bone toothpick.
-Schiefer, the billinrdist, when
playing wears lull evening die--, lie
has a linc diamond stud in his shirt.
Maurice Vignnux also wears a bill
dress suit. Iiis diamond stud is worn
in the shirt-collar. Schalter cnrrii -
his cues in a green .nek, and a piece
of chalk in one ol' his vest pockets.
Vlguaux carries hisjoiuti d slick in a
leal her case.
- day Gould's father, a staid, honest
old farmer in Dclcwnrc county, Now
York, had very little faith in his son's
capacity to get on, because he was liol
fond ol'chopping, ploughing, towing
or reaping. When thc lad decided i
quit lils rural homo, tho elder Gould,
it is said, handed him hall' a dollar,
and tobi him Ito would curtaiuly go to
the devil. And he is still going there.
-Judge Kelley says that Ins p;-< soul
good health h hugely due to Iiis mas
lory ot'the tobacco habit. Ile burned
the weed live and ll fi y years and ho
actually has slop! with tho quid in his
mouth. Now hu neilin r (ouches nor
tastes tho Stuff and tho blood fri ls
much belier in his vein.-, limn when
the globules boro with thom a burden
of nicotine.
-Sir Noel Paton has nf proscnl on
his easel, far advanced toward com
pletion, a picture for'Qucun Vii i ?ria,
which deserves some notice on account
of the purpose for which it is designed
as well as for its own sako, Thc pi -
tare is to be thu centrepiece in the
private oratory ut Osborne, lis sui:
jed is ( 'brist in thc Garden liiuling the
three Disciples asleep, mid its proper
title is "Vigtlato el Orate." lt is to
be placed over Ibo prayer desk, be
tween two other! pict ores by tho same
artist, replions ol larger work-, enti
tled res-spectivefy, "The (.dod Shop
herd" and "Thc Man Qi'Sorrows."
Thc three pictures thus form in cll'ool
a trirtych, though they will nol be
aU'ectnnl?y joined.
HOW To oo'io OHAltLlSSTOX.
Tlio i'iip .siioi teiir.l, and .Umbi Mero Aureo
able Ullin formerly.
Thc traveling public aro greatly in
debted to the Atlantic I'ta-t Linc for
the making of a new and most agreea
ble ronlo from the up-country to
Charleston. This lino extends Crom
Columbio to Suinter by the. Wilming
ton, Columbia & Antills tn Railroad,
thence to Lane's by tho Central, and
from Loues to Charleston by thc North
eastern. Thc Coast Linc, already con
trolling the W. C. ?' A. and tho N. E.
il. P., bad but to build the Central,
forty-one miles, long, to havo this now
route from Columbia to Charleston,
one hundred and thirty-seven miles
long. Thc work was finished a littlo
overa year ago, and the new linc has
steadily grown in popularity. The
first Improvement waa in tho shorten
ing of tllO tillie between thc capital and
tho metropolis --- w Pleb, ol cours..,
brought thc competing line to do a
well, till now thc trip ls made in threo
hours and twenty minutes. When il
was made, a few yeats ago, in livo
hours, conservative pimple thought
that progress in rapid transit had
reached a climax 1
To make such good limo requires a
first-rate road-bed, and first-class roll
ing-dock. TheSO tho Coast Linc has
provided, and tho comfort of the trav
eler is infinitely greater than in tho
good old days when twenty miles an
hour constituted the height of railroad
Of course in making such speed,
there is no such waste ns "t\v my
minutes [or less] for Hiipper." There
is, thoretorc, a buffet car, furnished
with comfortable revolving chairs,
whereon the passenger may sit, :n at
the table of a first-class hotel, nod
enjoy bis ''snack" in peuce and at
leisure. Tho menu is simple, but
nicely pro pared and, nicely Served. It
I* nil that tho traveler wants tor sup
per or for breakfast. The prices charg
ed are very reasonable. The eon tras I
between a meal (?) at die average
railroad eating-house and the "binu-k"
on thc bullet ol the Coast line is very
suggestive of Mark Twain's "Five
minutes for dinner-America," and
"Thirty minutes for dinner--France."
Tho price of tickets is thc nnme on
all lines. .
- Frank Malton, Assistant Poll Utas?
tor-General, says it makes him sick bo
hear tho word "reformer," niul tolls
tho reason why. thus: "Thomen who
called themselves reformers used io
como up and comp oui in the corridors
of tho Post?nico Department whilo
thoy demanded offices for their rela
tives ftud eton for their wlvos' rela
He >-ivll?x ibo ItU'.o.
lt wv ti a Nebraska j.i, tavern, ..>?.
loo?, tltld renl-?stiltc ; .ev combined.
Tho dicr'df ci-?.i . nut . > woiooiw) tho
traveler, itiu! .'.> .> ? ? .. .... heuveryulc?
sor;, o? a lunn.
"Thing-- i .!;*! ju : I*il \\??:it 'ctn,
you kiioW," ho .'.;.?#..? .? lieully uh->
served, "L.u; lui . country, and
wo CHU*i h uvoryitnii;; nt otioo.
Make yoll|'SU?? ill L.) ;?...;i.5 VVilllu lllO
oail wotuuu dooks dinner."
Wi.?lo Uti hi ii;: for lim ??roiiti.ud ini'iil
(ino oi tito lix . or six t.. ?;. munging
u()!?ii.'A'.'-U? pbiub untyred m.! room
Mid asked :il>V:' ..?. i?r W
oh.icco. '? rtv - ., . . .
".Jim. you uiusu'l lio '.i you really"
:;oi n't,'1 ?tdd tho landlord. "1 want
:<> ?i ? what's rigid lind fun, hi : i must
I raw tho lino bli* o tv he iv. Von
inrd.s must not .: >. ;?. |>ti \ on;
JU :;n equality willi tho . . - o. y
"A j dl-blnl, do jon .. lyF' quivered I
?bo trayejor, as Jim u u.i'ii.iiv. ;
"Yes. He's in toi iv... mouthe. All j
.hal crow., otu lh.i;v j "n.*' ;
"Hui ivh.jio ? iti? j ..i.' '
.'Hight .i:iii;i:. . . .. . .10 siivct'mltUOd
palace, .i'.i admit, hit h's tn. hcjit ti?!
?on ii ty c:i;i ..n'oi .i."'
"Vi I: .;. . do J oi. io.-:. '. , ii jj?"
"Nu .v a- :'J'IILI. ;? look on j
my door."
"olini y? hm ptuvetiU 'om troin run-1
lin:;' oil.'"
"Nomina in |iortioi:h',r. it el;on
Lhoy'ii .... blear ..!!::.; UM (ho grill)
-?ls ?loo:- : ! ,? ..ii? ;,; \\ u{, v t?j0
ivlil.sk \. ' '
"And _\oi. .. o 'l liy . -. 'ctn?"
t'i i? ? .
jailor, timi : : : > . ? . count) -.t
.lon.., nm !.. .. ir.uttj'; (?ti! t.... hh?iv
burdoufi on in -St : york tjuta
drinker, lu,i lim-dis in sh? ellbrt.s of
killd ii'.: lo . I V ;.. c Io IJtrOlV 0?I
the awful Imbil," i; '. speaker at
:.. Koo tucky ??u.; ' . .TC . meeting.
"Don't you kimi hanker lifter it
now"'" asked ?. dy !poptie in thu' ornwd.
"No, .-it, not ne ut'.- vvorili." "How
did you Stop?" ".In ?I look tl little
whisky now mid Iholi, until tim taste
for beor was wholly ora lien tod. It
was a glorious triumph, gentlemen."
-Wit. hit*.
fino i Wo.. .>.' :U . f.lro SavliijrJWervlee,
The iinnual report ol' tho superin
etidcul oftiic life saving service shows
hat thc number of disasters lo docu
iiontcd vesssels within tin; flold of sta
ion operations during I bc year whs
???. There v. m c on board ol'these I
,'essels 2,20(1 persons, of whom 2,190
Vern saved and only (Oil lost. The
Kimber of iddpwrecked persons who
'octiivcii succor ai Blutions wits ?I'.*', to
ivhom 1,118(1 days' relief in lite nggre
pilo was ali'..nlci!. Thc ostinitdod
raino of Ibo vcVols involved in those
lisastdrs Wits $ft,ol9,."..?', an I of (hu
lingoes .-i,o- i.'jo... 'J I...- total value of
ho properly imperilled \vi*.s$ 1,(50l, I.Vi.
)f this amount $:),:i?2,7(?0 was saved
iud gi ,2?l,09? lost. The number of
les cl - totally lost was 59.
Thu following bible gives ti siinimu
.V ol'thc statistics of Ibo service from
ho introduction of ibo present system !
n 1871 to, tho end ol'(bc Ilseal veur,
I'ho loss of Ufo slated below Includes
8:1 lost nt ibo wrecks of (he Ttur?n
iud (ho Hfctvopolixt\vh\c\i tire really
tot chargeable lo Hie service:
fol iii iiuuiberol disasters.. 2,918
/Abie of property in vol veil.$.*?!,70:1,(591
/ailie ol' property saved... "10,277,920
iriihm of properly Ibsl. I5,'l80,7(??
dumber of persons involved 20,09:1
^umhoi'of persons saved... 2?,2.i?
S'lnnl.er ot'persons lost. I?7
^umb'?r of porsons succored
at slaltdiis. 1,829
iuinber of dave sueoOr nllbrd
ed. 13jol3
Deducting from thc number of lives
osi sri vi i nbovc tho loss ni wrecks of
he Huron und tho Metropolis, lhere
H presented Ibo remarkable exhibit of
illly 271 io?! within the -cope of the
ci vice during tho fourteen years om
iraced 1>" thc table.
South Carolina nt Sew Orlcaiut.
The Xi'tv Orlcius Times-Democrat
ays: "in conversing with Mi. A. I.,
teddeu, lim neting commissioner of
louth Carolina, n ropoiiorIcaijitod that
io had advices of tho shipment ol' tho
ollowing good i for thc exhibit
if that ?.Slate, which are expected
0 at'l'I VOID ll ?OW divs: Samples of
in i [lizers from sixteen different numil*
iieturera, a tpiantlty of sheaf rice, min
ral-, from tic celebrated Ilailc gold
nines, mineral water from tho denn
Iprings, orookcrv made of kaolin
iiiiicd in Som Ii Carolina) one block of
hi? kaolin will bo cxbltbed, weigliing
iver 1,000 pounds; cotton stied meal
lid <"il<e. samples of cotton goods
rom tivc different largo mills, onibrnc?
ng all ciassos of such goods mudo in
ho Stale, samples of boots and shoos,
woollen goods, chi un ware, bent-wood
m ail tu e, and bags and bagging lunn
he Charleston Dag Mauufaeuriiig
iompany. Thorc will bo ample space
irovldctl in this departir.cnt for thc
01 lectivo colored exhibit, which will
io both educational and Industrial, lu
ho pavilion of South Carolina will he
llsplnvod a lui! linc (d' the wines and
C(T of the State."
The armistice between Bulgaria
nd Servia closes one of the hl09t In it
iant and satisfactory campaigns ever
ought In war-scarrou Eu ropo. ?'i?nre
Ucxaildor has achieved ll splendid
kmc. lUsioat] of a scorned, snubbed
nj depreciated princeling ho ls ap.
H'OVOd u natural leader ami sovereign.
Ie cannot now be reckoned out in any
Cttlernent which the Powers may make
if (ho afthir. Hy pursuing (he Ser
'itins across tho border ho has gained
he full advantage of his success in a
var wantonly forced upon him. Tho
?ragging King Milan will pay for his
Igrailiood with his throne, und the
[reedy Servians will bc assessed nil
he damages. It is ns fino nu example
if retributivo justico as war orten
MRS. WINHI-OW'S SOOTBOKI svm r Miould nl
ruysbe oswt tor dill.IOM. teotlilnif. lt sootlics
h.. . luid, softens Ute Ruins, nll.iyu all pale.
wind colic, ind ts Um best remedy for
larr);o>a. TwonV-nTO cont? a Iwttlo.
.? uni) Kidiahln ?*o 1411s.
Wliuii two or muru lemnlus bonni a
car ;.t Ibo sumo lime, lt's a sign that
I hoy aro going lo qutUTuI us lo who
whl pa) thu larc, mid that Ihoy will
(iuuily end in thu Pitiiudulpbia plan.
NV bon a hoiuoh giri ?ind a pretty
girl walk ulong ii." ?ircut together, it's
?i sure sign that the homely girl will
curry thu parasol, und (hut shu will
cover thu pretty girl's taco with it.
When ll smalt ho) IS caught with
surreptitious urtiuios in his possession,
it's ?i .sijpi lh.it " 'ii.nie r fuiiut' done
When il pi'ifcOUC iiiturviowoi' in
tho still iou hoii'i'*, it' m si ju tiial ho's
?fbi f"" nuwiniii'."'. >t'* iivekty.
COLUMBIA & ?;I;T.V;':N.VILL1': U' R?
PASSKNUKK 1 >Kf .\liTMi:.V '
On and alter October Ul., iV^J?
Passenger Trains will run :is liere>
with indicated upon this road and ?ls
branches :
No. 55} -lp Pnssonger.
Lv < 'olutnbln (C GD) ll 00 n m
Ar Alston 12 00 a m
Ar New berry l 03 p m
Ar Ninety-Six D 2 19 p m
.\ r I lodges ."> '21 p m
A r Uelloii 1 27 p m
Art;reenvide ? ?() p m
No. 52-Down Passenger,
l.v Greenville 10 00 n m
Ar Holton ll 21 a m
Ar Hodges 12 .il p in i
A r N incl y-Si x l 25 p ra i
Ar Newberry ."> 12 p m
Ar Alston I 11' p m
A r < olumbia ? l? p m I
ld .MillA.
No. 53-Up Passenger.
Lv Alston 12 00 p m i
A r I rnion 2 17 p m
Ar Span'?f, S U &C depot ! l? p m i
Ar Spnrt'g, li & D Dep U ? 00 p in
No. 52-Down Passenger.
Lv S| tirPg ll & I) Dep H ll 05 ii m
Lv Spart'g s U & C Dep (i ll 15 a m j
Ar Union I 12 p in
A r . vl>ton i 00 p m
I .v I Iclcna 3 512 p tn
A r I itiurcn . i! .it) n m
Lv Cuiircus 8 <>o p m
A r I (. ?ena 11 00 a m
Cv I lodges .'i l? p m
Al' Abbeville I l? p m
Lv Abbeville ll 00 a in
Ar I lodges 12 00 m
I JV Bolton -182 p in
Ar Andcison <r> Ol p m
Ar Seneca City (i 17 p m
Ar Walhalla ' (J -l? p m
Lv Walhalla 8 80 a in
A r Seneca City 8 60 a in
A r A udcrsoii lb 27 a ni
Ar Belton ll 02 p m
A. With South Carolina Railroad to
and from Charleston* with Wilming
ton, Columbia and Augusta Railroad
from Wilmington and all points north
thereof; with Charlotte, Columbia and
Augusta Uni I road from Charlotte and
all points north thereof.
B. Willi Asheville and Spartanburg
boin mid for points in Western North
C. Atlanta and Charlotte Division
b'. ?? 1). lt. lt, for Atlanta and points
South :i!iil West.
M. ShAUaitTKIt, Cen. Puss. Acrt.
D.CAUDWKLI., A. C. Pass. Agi.
ti. L. nilli S., A. ami K.. and P. lt. and
A. Railways,
lu Kil'cctSeptember 27, 1885.
SLOWER THAN C. &>. C. lt. H.
Lv Spartanburg :i 00 p m 7 io a m
1 ,v Moote ;i 27 p in 7 60 a ni
Lv Wood ru il' 8 Is p m ?s 25 a in
Lv i hiorco I 01 p m ??l a m
Lv < Ira I 20 |? m '.' l? a m
Lv I .aureus ! !18 p m 45 a ni \
Lv High Point I 69 i? m 10 19 a m
Lv Waterloo ? 10 p ni 10 85 a, m
Lv ( ioronaca 6 80 p m ll 60 a in
Ar Greenwood 5 60 p m 1140 a in
Cv ( in enwood 5 60 a m 2 ho p ni
Ar Augusta 9 ?-? p m <> 62 p m
Ar Atlanta 7 oo a m
Cv At huila M l? p ni
Lv Augusta 7 l? u m 8 io a m
Ar ( I roon wood 11 00 a in l 26 p m
Lv ( I rconwood 11 00 a m 2 00 p m
Ar ( oroiiaica 11 20 a m 2 26 p in
Ar Watci i > ll 41 a m 2 66 p m
Ar Iii int 11 63 a in .Til p m
Ar ] .m cns 12 14 p in 8 40 p m
Ar t >. i 12 80 p m i io p m
Ar dion e 12 62 p m t 44 p in
Ar Woodruff l 09 p m ? 10 p m
Ar Moore 1 .">2 p m ? l? p in
Ar Spartanburg 2 oo p m G 26 pm
Cv Allgll8ta 11 80 a m 0 00 a m
Ar Boauforl 0 06 p m ? 26 p m
Ar Port Royal 0 20 pm 6 45 p m
Ar Charleston <> 00 p in
Ar Savannah 7 oo p m
Ar .Jacksonville H 55 a m
Lv Jacksonville 7 20 p m
Lv Savannah 7 80 a m
Lv Charlocton 7 06 a m
Lv Port Uoval H 10 am 6 15 a m
Lv Hean fort 8 22 a rn 6 31 a ni
Ar Augusta 2 00 p ni 6 20 p in
Connections nt Greenwood to and
from points on Columbia and Green
ville Railroad. At Spartanburg with
Asheville & Spartanburg R. lt., A. So
C. Air-Lino fer points North. At
Augusta with Georgia, South Carolina
....nd Central Roads.
Tickets on salo at Laurens to all
points at through rates. Baggage
oiieckcd to destination.
J. N. BASS, Supt., Augusta, Ga.
Can always bo found a full Uno of Medium and Cheaper Grades of
At lower prices than at any other houso this side of Cincinnati. This work
ls all made to order, is lighter running and better Mulshed than the data
of work generally sold as standard Vehicles. But I have just received a full
lino of Fine Family
Carriages, Phaetons and Cabriolets !
Juat received, another shipment of those Fino Open and Top Buggies,mada
upon special orders by tho best manufacturers North and East. Nothing be
ing used In the construction of these Vehicles but tho boat materials, and la
?uallty, stylo and finish, aro unequaled by any others now in tho market,
n stock a full Uno of
AU grades, which I will offer at lower prices than havo evor before been
known In the h'story of thu business. Milburn, .Studebaker and Staudard
Plantation Wagons, all sizes. Oak and Hemlock Bole 1 .euther, Calf Skins,Shoo
Findlng8, Carriage, and Wagon Materials, Harness Leather, Belt Lacing of
superior quality, Rubber ana Leather Belting. Also, a full Uno of
r uns, Shells, Powder, Shot, Table and Pocket Cutlery, Plow Points for all
m okra Nails, Axes, Hoes, Picks and Mattocks, Pitchforks, Shovels, .Spades,
Hi" , . 's ami Scalo Beams, Grindstones, Bakes, Padlocks, Carpenters'
SL?,1/ mtid Hinges, Window Sash, Doora and Blinds, Farm and Church
i%lr*u\Wr\ i" ... ' offering at lowest cash prices.
Bolls, which I am A. R. GOODYEAR, AOBNT,
(Successor to It, H. ?I1** Co"> at tll? 01d btand' W?lle Georgia Kail
road Bank, 704 Broad stree "
3fier to the public at large, the largest und handsomest stock of Cloths, >9aB,j|*
ners, Montaignacs, Beavers, Worsteds, .Meltons, etc., ever brought Sv?, % '
These will be made up into Suits, Overcoats, Trousers and VestB, at Prit fs
Unprecedented in this or any other market. Perfection in fit, and handsom
est trimmings, as well as Lowest of Prices shall be our motto.
Sole Agent for Dunlap, Knox, Youmnn's and other celebrated Hats.
Also, a thoroughly complete line of Underwear, Neckwear, Suspenders, Col
lars and Cuffs, Handkerchiefs, Umbrellas, and undoubtedly tho cheapest and
aest stock of Shirts in the city. The best $1.00 Shirt in the market.
Thc choicest stock of Overcoats in the market-our own make.
Wedding outfits a specialty, and satisfaction guaranteed.
All of the above are offered to the public, and the prices guaranteed.
Tailor, Hatter and Furnisher, 718 Broad Street.
Si ea IB?9 Marble & Granite Works,
.Manufacturo all kinds ot
Home & Eastern Granite Monuments,
529 Broad St., Near Lower Market,
THE CH li A P' ST Cv Kl'E I'rf IN UlioLlOIA*
Stock Larger, Prices Lower t'ian Ever liefere.
Carpets and House Furnishing G . -vis. tho large.it S nek S >.ith. Moquet, Brus
ela, 3-Plyand Ingrain Carpets, Rugs, .Mun mid Crumb Cloths, Window S nides
iVall Papers, Borders, Lace Curtain?, Cornices and l'oies. Cocoa and Canton Mat
ings, Upholstery, Chromos. J3y*Wrlte for samples and prices.
Mar. 17, 1885.-15 714 Broad S . Augusta, 0?.
! Columbia, S. C. Laurens, S. C.
ly buying your Drugs and Medicine.?,
'inc Colognes, Paper mid Envelopes,
(cmorandum Books, Kaeo Powders,
'oolh Powders, Huir Brushes, Shav
iig Brushes, Whisk Brushes, Illach lug
Irushos, Blacking, Toilet and Latin
ry Soaps, Tea, Spice, Pepper, Ginger,
>a?nps and Lanterns, Cigars, Tobacco
nd Snuff, Diamond Dyes, and other
rtlcles too numerous to mention, at
Also, Pure Wines anti Liquors, for
lcdieal purposes.
No trouble to show goods.
Laurens C. H., S. C.
OFFICK-Fleming's ("orner, Northwest
side of Public Square.
Office over W. II. (Jarrett's Store.
w. c. BENET,
August 6, 1885.
Pelot & Cole,
028 Broad Street.
'ictures made m any kind of weather
bj the
Instantaneous Process.
Special attention given to copying
nd enlarging Photographs.?
It. I". TOI)I>. W. Tl. MARTIN.
LAURENS 0. H., S. C.
Dr. W. H. BALL,
Oflkc days-Mondays and Tuesdays.
201 Vise Street, CIMCHWATI, 0.
Tho type nwnl on thia paper WM oatt by U*Q
above lowdry.-RD.

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