OCR Interpretation

Orangeburg times. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1872-1875, February 21, 1872, Image 1

Image and text provided by University of South Carolina; Columbia, SC

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn93067790/1872-02-21/ed-1/seq-1/

What is OCR?

Thumbnail for

?-?-j-~-:-;--~?;-;--;?j?j-, . : -~ <? '?-,
n F*2R ANKUM, 5- "On vre *mpvp indissblubly firm ; God und nature bid tho Bame,Vij J jy ADVANCE
Is published every
\Y E 3) N E S D A Y ,
v ?
\ srnsniirriox i;at!>?:
S?\n year, in advance?$1 for si\ months.
V Xn\\ I'ltlNTIXti in all its departments,
jic:itfy executed, (livens a call.
p< > i-:rr i { y.
Say, come! a, word so simple,
0, speak when duty calls;
It may win an erring brother,
And save him ere he falls.
Say, come! an invitation
So gentle and so kind,
May prove a friend's salvation,
A . heal* for glory bind.
fitvptSmie! to youthful maidens,
And little children, too;
And gather for .Christ's garner,
Of Hindi treasures, not a few.
Say, insu."! the tempter mingles
A. cup witli poison fraught,
And previous suuls are bartered,
,Their fearful ruin wrought.
Say, come! tu all who wander,
far oiii on danger's track,
O, follow ?villi entreaties,
And .iiiug ilie wnuderer? 1 ?:rk.
? '? . ;!
When" I married tuy second wile, she
wim <lre:idf'til ?st about going on on n
bridal tour. I told ber that she'd better
? ? .i it. i
wait six months or a year, und 1 d try to
jtm with her, und she -aid she'd rutjior go
nlone.?when si wonm.t wtj? traveling ft
nuui was :m out-aud-out uniuhtig.
So J. gave iibr .seventy live cfcnhi, und |
told her to go und have u good time. I 1
in . !)iil 'jo.) lid ? . ... ,
never begrudge money wuen my wiles
happiness is concerned. My frst \vit? *
never could complain of pot g fing any
?wher\ for I urn dreadful fierce (?? go oil']
on a jzooii time myself, and always was.
I .don't pretend to, hay now many time.
I took her out to see the sights, and there
Svhfj no end to the free lecture* 1 let bor
go to. The neighbors ti!*cdi to say "It
beats all bow tlie Skinners do pi."
When Si^tmr Uli!/, was in Skiinksville
with his wonderful canaries, lie gave n\v
wife a cbmpilmenthry ticket. 1 not
only sold that ticke; for my wife, but
gave her half the money. T don't !><>a-t
of it. but I only mention j| to show how
intteh 1 thought of her happiness.
I don't think tiny man ought t'i g
married until he can consider hi* wife's
happiness only second to his own. ?lohn
AVi.se, a neighbor of mine, did thiisly, und
when I got married 1 concluded to do
But the plan didn't work in the ruse
of my second wife. Xo?I should say
not. 1 broached the >? object kindly.
'?Matilda,'' said lt *'t suppose you ore
aware that I am now voifi; bird and mas
ter T
"Not much yon ain't," said she,
"Mrs, Skinner," fluid, 1, "you are fear
fully disorganized. You are cranky."
And I brandished my now sixty Cent um
brella wildly around In r.
She took the itnibreliu away From me,
and locked mo up in the clothes press.
1 am quick to draw an inference, and
the. inference that 1 drew here was thai 1
was hot it success us a reorganize!- of i' -
male women.
After this I changed my tactics. 1
let her have her own way, and the plan
from the vcrv first worked to a charm.
It's the best way ?f managing a wife that
I know of.
Of course, this is between you nnd me.
Its a business worth knowing.
So when my wife said she was bound
to go on a bridal to^ anyhow, I cordi
ally assented.
"(Jo Matilda," said I "and stay as long
as you want to; then if you feel as
though you would like to stay a little
longer, stay my dear."
She told meto stop talking, and go up
Stairs and get her red flannel night cup
and that bag of jHmnyroya} for her Aunt
Abigail: My \vife.,is a very smart wo
man. She was a Baxter, and the Bax
ters arc a smart family, indeed. Her
mother, who is going on eighty, can fry
more slapjacks now than halt* of these
primp up town gii;L-?, who rattle on the
piano, or walk the streets with their fur
belows und fixings, pretending t<> get
mad it' u young chap looks at tin ni pret
ty hard, hm getting mad in earnest if
you take im notice of tliani at ail.
Ali? girls ain't what they used to be
when J was young, ami the fellows arc
Worse siill. When 1 went courting, for
ihstiiuce, 1 never thought ol' staying till
aller ten o'clock, ami only went twice a
welk. Now they j_ro seven nights in tho
week, and cry because there ain't eight;
t!:on they wiite touching notes to each
oilier through the day?"Dear George do
you love Jilt? as much nS you did at
a cjhartcr to 12 Ihst niglit? Say you
do, dearest, and it will give nth courage
Lo go down and tackle, tluni cold ? beat is.
Lit o\vr !ro::i yestord.-ty."
Well, well, 1 suppose they enjoy them
selves ami it ain't for us old folks, whose
hearts have got a lime calloused by long
wear, to interfere. Let them get to
gether and i'ouil jfliit'v like it?and I
think ;n.-y do. I Wa; forty-seven when 1
..iiitr;.ai tny present wife, but it seethed
tu-t as nice to si. oh a little e'rioUot nt
her feet, ami ii-t lior smooth my hair as
it did thirty y mc- ago.
A ! said hol'or ', my wife was a smart
w'nnmiT, b ;t -he couldn't be anything
;'el?e ithd by a Baxter. !?he us:-.mI to give
lectures "ii woiiuut's rights, and in one
place where .-In. lectured u big college
conferred the tille L. L. I j. upon I tier",
llui .-in! wouldn't take it. "No, gentle
men,'' .-nit! she, "give it tu the poor."
She was always j list so charitable. She
gave my boys permission to ?o bare
footed all winter, and insisted on it so
much in her kind way that tho boys
couldn't refuse.
She '.airly dotes upon tny children, and
i've seen her many a tinie go for tjieir
trowsors pockets alter they had gone to
Sleep ami tiikeout.their peroiies and pnl
them in her bureau drawer, for fear' they
mioht lose them.
J started to till yen about my Wife's
bridal touiybut.thu fuel is, J never could
lind out much about it myself, I believe
she had a good time. She can hack
improved in health, and i found rut be
fore she was in the house twenty-four
hours that .-ho had gained strength also,
.1 don't say how 1 found out. I simply
say, 1 found out.
Jn conclusion, 1 would say to all
young men, marry) out second wife first
and keep out of debt by all means, dven
i!' von have to borrow the money to do
it. ,
llow to Dwahf a 'Town.?Horace
Greely presents the following as a suro
means of destroying the prosperity id'the
most promising lo>vn; There can be no
doubt ol' its cflicacy.
I "If you wish to keep a town from
thriving dont put up any nu\ie buildings
I than you can conveniently iieeupy your
- - -t- : j ?? - - = ?
self. If you should accidentally have an
empty building, und* any should want to
rent it, ask three times the value of it.
Demand a shy lock price for every spot
of ground that God has given you stew
ardship over. Turn a cold shoulder to
every mechanic or business man seeking
a home among you. Kurl" down the
work of every now workman. <4c
abroad for warts richer than deal with
those who seek to do business in our
midst. Fail to advertise, or in any way
support your paper; so people nbroad
may know whether any business is going
on in town or not.1 Wrap yourselves
with a eont of impervious sei fish n ess j
There is no more ef'ectual way to rei
tard the growth of a'.town thriu nerton.?!
like those enumerated, and There' nrt^jfdb]
pie in every town who ure purAiu'hg tliq
same course every day of their lives,'and
to whom the above, remarks are respect
fully offered for their consideration/'
Judge Bond.
The Washington correspondent of the
Baltimore Evr.xtxi; Jornx.Yi. gives tho
following sketch o!' ?Judge Bond:.
As many papers in t me country arc mak
in'gsi great hue and cry tilmi-.r the Kv. Klux
in South Carolina, suul.thc administration
of justice by Judge Bond, it is but just to
let them know who Judge "Hugo Luin
nmx" Bond is, and so.no of his anteced
ents, lie is; well known in this city, sis
ave the means he used to secure his pres
ent appointment, and ?continuation after
appointment, tlieJaWf r bidt\gstrongly op
posed by Charles Augustus, of the Plun
derer's (>rgan of your city, and who is m?w
his chief eulogizer.
J have been informed by reliuble persons
that when ho was Judgo of tho Criminal
Court of your city, he compelled the crier
of'snid court; (who was once in tlie ?log
busin ss in Baltimore, alsoan engine house
keeper, but mow a post-ofiieo detective,) to
divide Iiis salary (which was larger than
that < f the Judge) with him. He (the
Judge) was the delegate tb the Methodist
Episcopal ('hureh ('onferonce :it Winches4
ter, Virginia, who seceded from the Con
ti rchee because of his strong pro-slavery
views, which were antagonistic to the ma
jori; v of tlie (Vinfer?uc<.
lie it was; while a Judge of the Crim
inal Court of your eity,'and as suchst con
servator of the pesiee, begged sin officer
of the United States ninny to release front
his custody Major Harry (?llnior, (a
prisoner of war,') in Baltimore, and send
his guard home, so that the Union men
could hang him (Mujof Gilmor) to lamp
post; and he it was who caused the ar
rest of many Southern sympathizers in
your city during the late war, by means
of his influence witii the commanding
generals und their provost marshals.
While this prating Judge professes
Chnalianity, he never was known to
improve any opportunity for sowing the
gm.d seed, or of teaching, either by pre
cept or example, the lessons which we
are taught to believe as coming direct
from the fountain-head, and certainly his
actions do not sippesir to be influenced
by the constant kindliness und gentle
hearing of those who understand Christi
anity to signify not. only faith, purity
stud devotion, but also, that pesiee sind
good will among men are it.s fundament
al principles stud essential elements, Mo;
none pftliesol Duplicity is his forte, stud
has frequently and faithfully served him.
In Iiolloek's "Course of Time" 1 lind a
photograph of this .lodge (?) and his
characteristics: i
"The Hypocrite has left his ma.sk, und
In naked ugliness. He was a man
Who Mole the liveryof tlie Court of Heaven
Tqscrvothc Devil in.
TiikLihpinu Offickr.?A good stor^
is told of ft lisping office* having been
victimized by a brothci\officer, who w
noted for his cool deliberation and stron
nerve, nnd Hi* getting squitre with hit
in the following manneri
The cool joker,' the Captain,'wH?ul
ways <pi iz>.ing thd lisping officer for hi
nervousness, and said' One day to him ii
the pvesencc of his company:
"Why, norvousness is all nonsense; I
tell yon, '.Lieutenant, no brave man will
be nervous."
"Well," inquired his lisping friend,
"how would you do, suppothca thcll Witbi
an inch futhc thotfUr*~drof> "itself in il
wWiort I fthgle', ?lh -^rrtfli^t'riiio? ti'kei
>mM'tW !Wih rt^6h(\)?niy'hf flirtVp tiirVo<e4*
"Mid" Whtftt oftWhtn^Wrt^ta^flr'yoti 'iTUl
^urf nofl're' you'll ??? pVeppcred ?"
"Mow," said the ' captain, winking at
the circle, "why I'd take it cool und'
spit on the fuse."
The party broke up, and all retired;
except the patrol. The next morning, a|
number of soldiers were assembled on
the parade ground, and talking in cir
cles, when along" came the lisping Licu-j
tenant.- Lazily opening his eyes, he
"I want tO try an experiment thithj
line morning, and sec how exceedingly1:
cool you can be."
Saying this, ho walked deliberately in
to the Captain's quarters, where a fire|
was burning on the hearth, and plucedjj
in the hottest centre a powder canister,
and retreated, .There, was hut jone mytteJ
of egress from (lie quarters^ and that was
upon the parade grouud, the. rear heiug
built up for defense. The occupant took
one look at tho canister, comprehended
his situation, and in a moment dashed at
the door, but it was fastened.
"Charlie, let me out, if you love me!"
shouted the Captain.
"Thcpit ou tiie canister! "shouted the
Lieutenant, in return.
Not a moment was to be lost; he
had first snatched up a blanket to cover
his egress, but now dropping it he raised
the window, and out he bounded;
and with hair almost ou end,
he dashed upon the full parade grouud.
The shouts w hich hailed him drew out
the whole barracks, to sec what was the
"Why didn't you thpit on it?!' asked
the Lieutenant.
"Why, because there were no sharp
shooters in front to prevent a retreat,"
answered the Captain.
"All I've got to thay, then,ith that
you might thniely have done it; I'll
thwear there wathn't a grain of powder
in it."
The captain has never spoke of nervous
ness since.
TnK AVay Pat Got to Boston.?
Som.' years ago a son of the Emerald Isle,
in the city of Portland, Maine, accosted
the captain of a steamer (plying between
that city and Boston) to enquire the fare
to Hoston, when the following colloquy
"Good mornin,' captain. Could ye
be. ufther tellin' nie what's the fare to
Boshton ?"
"Three dollars," answered tiie cludiiin
"But suppose 1 Winto?fode?*^
-in M&m*g^^
n'go lor two dollars. % j
This' was undoubtedly iieyond the ex
tent of 'Pat's worldly possessions ;80 ho
scratched his head and looked perplexed
for ti few moments, when a bright thought
seemed to sivike him.
"I say, captain, dear, what would ye
be ufther takin' a hundred and sixty
pouuds of freight for?"
I... ''Sevcnty-fivo, cents," replied thpcap
tain, i
"Bejahen?, thin ye may put me down,
ciiptnin, for I'm j ist tjjjb boy that weighs
T)m,,captain' turned to the clerk, say
Wa.,i m i ? - '
"Put on tlic freight list one hundred
and sixty pounds of live Irishman, und
stow him in the hold."
Serious family and political differences
are said to exist l>ctwcen the Czar Alex
ander of Russia and his,eldest son, the
. hercdtti?* (l#nrfl)uke. The Czar pre
kfer?" to'spbak in' the German huutuage?
jnf^^ftYrgdtijilj (oY: hirnu^'ner onTwife?
?Ir^khCHT?xft^Buke, who Is the leader
ttfAho National or Old Bussinn party,
the basis' of which is antipathy to all
foreignisms?converses only in LMissiait,
and allow.; no one to 'address hint in a
foreign language, unl :ss it be afAteucr.
In piirsiufncc of his rigid BtissuiirBi, the
Grand Duke discards all those fereigu
customs which havo heretofore been
prevalent at the Court of St. Petersburg.
The consequence is that the breach'be
tween Jiiuv und? his Imperial father is
constantly/ wiiiyhiug/ ttdfj the) "Czar it Is
reported,, docs not wish his eldcsT/feiln t?>
sAiceceiLdJiim, dint""fuaUlfii} brother
Constanthio I. should I Ik? Krhperor after
him. i fyv'.'hn'd ? '?< to ri
..jSomegiris arc Jiko old musket**?they
use a gooji deal of powder but won't
' "Naoltil; tlie datigllfer or Kuoeh, was
?ISO years old when she married. What
a world of hoj>e florets in this.
"Whatever Midas touched turned into
gold. In these days touch a man with
gold ana he'll turn into anything.
What is the, characteristic of a watch?
Modesty?because it keeps its hands be
fore itv face, und runs down its own
A wretched old bachelor says: *' After
all a woman's heart is the sweetest thing
in the world?it's a perfect hon^kmibo
?full of sells." H
A Kentucky girl says when she dies
she desires to have tobacco planted over
her grave, that the weed nourished by
her dust may be chewed by her bereaved
lovers. There is poetry in the idea.
AVhile last year planters generally ex
pected to plant more corn than cotton,
this year they intend planting more cot
tou than corn, and we are afraid that
they will find it a bad.policy^
The white voting population of the
town of Union, in this State 112. and
colored 103. The number of persons
between 10 and 45, and subject to per
form "street duty," is 190?whites ?9,
colored 101.
The spirit in winch-the Puritans have
dealt with the question ot slavery was
commercial in the beginning, political in
tho end. The moral part is all bosh.?
Norfolk Virginian.
We have at last found ottt what it
requires to make a,, umu tru^lgyal iu
the jjouth^ ^'h>J|$cr,iii his, ,qlji|l%cm
tyi^W" thoothcr
J^^jfjfj)caku)g .va\ the rebel General
Loiigstreet, said that he "had furnished
the highest possible evidence of repent
ance, loyalty ami general good character,
by joining the Republican party." Thi.%
then, is to be tho test of a man's loyalty,
and the only tiling that will entitle him
to the rights and privileges of a citizen.
If he joins the Radical party bissins are;
at once wiped out.
Pittthtirg Pott.

xml | txt