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I v ) - When He Wu Frightened. "Yes," said the retired army officer, "I can recall two occasions when I wu mcst terribly frightened." f "Ohl" exclaimed the romantic young lady, "do tell me about them. 1 sup pose It happened when you were fight ing the Indians." "No," he replied, "one time was when I was married, and the other time was when we had our baby christened." Cleveland Leader. AN OLD QUESTION. oil She PXwln did this great money question start? He l'fwln Kve asked Arlnm for her weekly allowance. Detroit Free Press. Ther Cnn't Do So. The Chicago clrl's worthy of our bnwest defeniio; From her hat to her shoe she is simply Im mense. And we're happy to notice the failure, com plete. Of Jokers who've tried to belittle her feet. -I A. V. Bulletin. UhAUV. , 17. tr Mitchell Sillier.! wnuiin "Hello, Mary, old girl! Didn't sec you "Xo, there was an important nicctiug Club." tmmnterlul to Illm. Servant i'e been ctery where, Mr. Smith, und 1 cnn't llnd a single gooss. Mr. Smith Well, 1 don't cure any thing about Its matrimonial condition. Get a married goose, then. Dcui;rest's Cugazine. Dltlalnn of La I) or. She ran forofflco and swept everything Before her. as all the world Itnows. Behind her? Well, In her home,7 t least. Her husband sweeps, I suppose. Town Topics. "Beside tbe Bonnie Briar Bush." Up-to-Date, The Greek to Ills Girl. Maid of Athens, cro we part. I.et me have your marblo heart; When I fight upon the field, It will make a lint-class shield. Chicago Record. A Valuable Man. "We pay our minister $2,500 a year." "Ours gets $4,000." "Has he ever been tried for heresy?" "No, but he says eyethernnd nyther." -K. Y. VYorhL New Woman vn. Old, Our slstem on "careers" are set: Our grandanies danced the minuet. Our sisters for their brains we praise. Then sadly dream of "Uood old days." -N. Y. Truth. HOOK TITLE ILLUSTRATED. Plnnntarnn Wanted to Know. Flannlgan 1 met a man last week, and, bedad, I'd have sworn it was your self. . O'Toole And wasn't It? Flannlgan Niver a bltl But he was your very Image, barrln' he was a thrlflo gray. I suppose, now, ye haven't such a thing as a twin brother a few years old er than yourself 7 Tit-nits. Ensllr Remedied. Cleric We haven't anything but this inferior! quality of coffee left, Groceryman Well, we'll have to make the best of It. So the clerk took down the sign "30 cents per pound," and put up "60 cents a pound," In place of it. N. Y. Journal. , Straining After tbe Dlsnrre. "Sotnj .men will go to almost any length-tor the sake of being eccentric." . "Yes, indeed; there's Browning, for Instance'." ' "What's his freak?" "Won't ride a wheel." Chicago Jour nal. Poor Indeed. "Those folks next door must be dis tressingly hard up." "Why, have you been inspecting their clothes line?" I'Xo; but not n member of the whole family has a '07 wheel." Detroit Free Press. The Power of IlenlUm. "How do you llnd it possible to act that role of the persecuted wife so naturally?" asked the reporter. "It isn't very difficult," replied the great actress. "The villain is my real husband." Tit-Bits. v Biy nTfvisr A BItV CALLED. nt the culture club last night." ' of the house committee at t!ie Pants Too Dnnsrroai. "Xo, no; 1 wouldn't dare to have my husband help when we move." "Why not?" "He's a railway porter, you know, and he'd forget, und think he was.han dllng passengers' luggage." Tit-Bits. No Duplicate!. Arthur (sighing) A man can have a love !ik' that but once! George (consolingly) Well, I be lieve you're right. Judging from her photograph, I don't believe she ever had a double. Brooklyn Life. Can an llelll. "Why does Mrs. Van Meter hate Mrs. McMasters so cordially?" "Homebody told her they looked enough alike to be sisters." Chicago Journal. A floral Delusion. He How did you discover that she was from the country? She 1 overheard her saying thatcity people didn't know or caro anything about their neighbors. Brooklyn Life. Ought to lie Thankful. Critic Where did you get the Idea for thnt picture? Painter Out of my head. Critic You must be glad that it Is outl Tit-Bits. Ills Belief. "Do you think opals are unlucky?" inquired the superstitious man. "Yes," was the reply, "my wife wants one, and It's going to cost mo 950." Washington Star. From War Back. Mack I understand Ulgbec's fighting qualities are inherited. Wyld Yes. All his ancestors were great orators,. Up-to-Dutc. Prepared for the Worst. Dyer What did your wife's bicycle cost? Duell I can't tell until I receive the doctor's bill. Town Topics. Appropriate. Molly What flower is It thnt Lord Brokelelgh ulvtuys wears in his button hole? Dolly Marigold. H, Y. Journal. , A LEGACY OF DISEASE. Veterans of the War Ropaid In Sickness. Abnsha Itlsk Oiuy Lives Bccaase He Persevered Suffered Since the War With Kidney Disease. From tho News, St. John, Kansas. Every citixen oi Bt. John, ivansas, is ac quainted with Abasha Kink, one of the "Old Veterans" of the late war and resident of this city. A few months ago he was a com plete jibyiical wreck, from kidney trouble and diarrhoea, almost unable to get nround at all. Your correspondent, who had teamed he had found relief, meeting him on the Ureet recently, asked if he wouldn't give him all the facts, as he won interested, as were also all, his friends. Mr. Kuk said be was only 'too glad to let the people in general and his old comrades in particular, Iwjio he knew were suffering from com plaints similar to his), know what had bene fited him. He then made the following! statement "1 had been suffering for jears from a complication of diseases, among them kid ney and hver trouble and chronic diarrhoea. The greatest trouble of all, however, wan the complete wreck of my nenoussjsteni, resulting fiotn my Bcrvice in the anny. I was, in fact, in a most terrible and deplor able condition. I tried every remedy I could hear of without the least lnitir.inl (results, until I saw a testimonial of an "old ctcran who was in me same regiment with me during the war (with whom 1 was well acquainted), stating that he had been cured of a similar complaint by the use of Dr. Williams' l'ink Pills. 1 had almost fiven up hope, but concluded at last to give 'ink Pills a trial, as they might possibly help me. I began using them and won commenced to feci slightly bettei ; my im provement was very slow, however, but still it was noticeable, and this was encouraging. In the course of about three weeks rm- mn. dition w as vastly improved. To the present time I have taken 13 bocs of l'ink Pills, and can truthfully say I believe I am en tirely cured of my liver and kidney trouble, and nearly so of my diarrhoea. My nervous trouble, too, is so much better that I am sure a curs will be entirely perfected in a short time. "My wife ulso used the Pink Pills with great benefit. Her blood was in an ex tremely bad condition. Since using the pills, however, this condition lias entirely clisap I enrcd. I consider Dr. Williams' Pink Pills the most marvelous discovery of the uge. I cannot say too much in their praise." ahaSha risk. Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale People arc not a patent medicine in the sense tbat name implies. They were first compounded ns a prescription and used as such in general praeticci by nn eminent physician. So great was their efficacy thnt it was deemed wise to plsce them within the reach of nil. They are now manufactured by the Dr. Williams' Medicine Company, Schenectady, N. Y., and are sold in boxes (never in loose form by the dozen or hundred, and the public are cau tioned against numerous imitations sold in this shape) at 50 cents a box, or ix boxes for $2.50, and may lie had of nil dniem'sts or direct uy mail from Ur. Williams' Med. Co. The man who falls on a banana skin once will have sympathy, but he will only make fun for the boys the next time he lands on his back. Ram's Horn. Pisa's Cure is a wonderful Cough medi cine. Mrs, W. Pickert, Van fciticn and UlaLe Ave., Brooklyn, S , Oct 20, 'IM. The mad who trtlrVn'fnfe like it coffin, should not complain if lie linds no welcome. Ram's Horn. There are no excuses not to use St. Jacobs Oil for bruises. ! No great man e cr had time to play check ers in the middle of the day. Atchison Globe. Cacarct stimulate liver, kidneys and bowels. Xevcr sicken, weaken or gnpc, 10c. The man who ridc3 a hobby thiuks nobody else is making any headway. As it ccitainly cures it, St. Jacobs Oil is the Master Cure for rheumatism. i ii. A jury of ravens would not be long in de ciding that n linnet could not sing. . When bilious or costive cat a Cnwarct, candy cathartic, cure guaranteed. 10c, 23c. Xo old girl should have the nerve to crimp Iter hair in the back. With a rub or two luinlago is often cured by St. Jacobs Oil. Small cost, big profits. If a man works hard and gets along, lazy people say he is "lucky." THE GENERAL MARKETS. Kaphas crrr, Mo., April 5, CATTLE-Bcst beeves. 3 80 4 80 Stoclicrs. 1M9IIO Natlvocows. 2 4) Sl HOOS-Cholco to heavy 3 00 4 00 SHEEP 3 M 4 55 WHEAT-Nc, 2 red Mtf W No.2hard. T8 81 CORN-No. 2 mixed. 20 20H OATS No. 2 mixed 17 18 HVE No.2 30 31 FLOUR-Patcnt, per sack 2 40 2M Fancy 2 00 2 25 HAY-Choice timothy 8 M 9 CO Fancypralrto 5 SO 8 00 I3RAN (sacked) &3 M BUTTEK-Chotce creamery.... 17 18 CHEESE-Full cream 10H II EGOS Choice " & HI POTATOES 22 2J ST. LOUIS. CATTLE Nativo and shipping 3 60 4 40 Texans 3 60 4 15 IIOOS Heavy. ' 4 J5 SHEEP Fair to choice 2 00 4 10 FLOUR-Cholco 3 20 3 SO WHEAT-No. 2 red. 93tf W CORN-No. 2 mixed 215, 22 OATS-No, 2 mixed 18 18tf HYE-No.2. 3H 32 BUTTER Creamery. 17 13 LARD Western mess A 07 4 15 PORK. 8 900 CHICAOO. CATTLE Common to prime... 4 35 5 09 HOGS Packhwfnnd shipping.. 3 J5 4 11 SHEEP Fair to choice 3 25 4 65 FLOUR Winter wheat 4 30 4 50 WHEAT No, 2 red. 87 90 CORN-No.2. 2W 24X OATS-No. 2. 160 17H RYE 83 nUTTER-Crcamery. 10 21 LARD 22W PORK. sn 8 50 NEW YORIC CATTLE Native Steers. 4 35 5 03 HOOS-Oood to Choice. 4 20 4 50 WHEAT-Nc, 2 red H 83 CORN-No. 2 3W 3I OATS-Nc, 2. , 2! 22J BUTTER-Crcamcry. 15 22 PORK Mess 9 0J 0 25 Deafness Cannot De Cared by local applications, as they cannot reach the diseased portion of tbe ear. There is only one way to cure deafness, and that is by constitutional remedies. Deafness is caused by an inflamed condition of the mu cous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When this tube gets inflamed you have a rumbling sound or imperfect hearing, and when it is entirely closed deafness is the result, and unless the inflammation can be taken out and this tube restored to its normal con dit.on, hearing will be destroyed forever; lline Cases OUt nf tpn nm rucl Irv rfitnrrt, which is nothing but an inflamed condition of the mucous surfaces. We will give One Hundred Dollars for any case of Deafness (caused by catarrh) thnt cuiuioi Lie cureu uy nans catarrh cure, bend for circulars, free. , P. J Cheney & Co., Toledo, O. Sold by Druggists, 75c. Hall's Family Pills arc the best. . Some, very harsh. things have been said of the sin ot loafing, but no one can success fully dispute that loafing is very pleasant. Atchison Globe. fortune SeekJuir Emigrants. Many a poor family that seeks the western wilds in the hope of winning a fortune, is preserved from that insidious foe of the emigrant and frontiersman chills and fever by Hostettcr's btomach Hitters. So effectually docs that incomparable medicinal defense; fortify the Kystem against the com bined influence of a malarious atmosphere and miasma-tainlcd water, that protected by it the pioneer, tho miner or the tourist pioidcd with it, may safely encounter tbe danger. "U the sail the only thing that guides a ship?" asked the green passenger. "No," said the mate; "there are rudders." In dianapolis Journal. Fits stopped free and permanently cured. No fits after first day's use of Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. Free $2 trial bottle & treatise. Dr. Kline, 033 Arch st., Phila., Pa. The greatest objection we have to "free" things is that they cost too much. West Union Gazette. For a world in which there is nothing new under the sun there are a lot of discov erers. Truth. A dull, racking pain neuralgia. Its sure cure. St. Jacobs Oil. When a man slips he always stops to look at the place where he slipped. Atchison Globe. Juit try a 10c box of Caecarcis candy ca thartic,fincst liverand bowel n-gulatormade. It is a little singular that passengers are not allowed to converse with the man nt the wheel, though he is spokesman of the ship. The proof of it is thousands say St. Jacobs Oil cured us of neuralgia. Birds are supposed to have, in common with all living creatures, certain reasoning faculties, and et they arc the most flighty. No man has n good appetite if he can wait patiently for his dinner. Atchison Globe. Tho man who knows himself well will kno a great deal about other men Pistols and Pestles. Tho duelling pistol now occupies its proper place, in the xnusoum of the collector of relics of barbarism. Tho pistol ought to have bosido it tho pestle that turned out pills like bullets, to bo shot liko bullets at tho target of the liver. But tho pestlo bs still in evidence, and will bo, probabl7, until everybody has tested tho virtue cf Ayer's sugar coated pills. They treat the liver as a friend, not as an enemy. Instead of driving it, they coax it. They are compounded on the theory that the liver does its work thoroughly and faithfully under obstructing conditions, and if the obstructions aro removed, tho liver will do its daily duty. When your liver wants help, get "tho pill that will," Ayer's Cathartic Pills. ANDY rakcolvetk CUREC0HSTIPAT10N 10 aJi!IIILJLB.JIlJim ALL 2550 n I ITllI ABWLOTttYGUMlimW pit Mil booklet fret. id. STEULIXG REMEDT P sy sy ysysppsy ssy y p ssj sssy eysysysyip y y Ladies BEE TltAT THIS NAME 18 bTAHPKD OS Every Pair OF SHOES YOU BUY. IT IS A POSITIVE OCABAXTEE OF SUPERIORITY. Ask Your Dealer for Them. nDnDCVKCff ni3)TFRT (Irrs RlrO 1 n.i!ckr-tlfaiincurowcrt raae. Beml fur hooit of tellmi"iUle anil lO sort' treatment rm. BisK. II. duksvs Sojs, tiu,ta. b! 600 SECOND HAND BICYCLES $5 TO $15- Allmakri (JOOll A9M-.U, J u.l c rlMed out. Li.t-flu. L. A.MeadCycleCo. I hkairu. ah Biron. Tta Good. DM I litlma. SoKIDTdnaeMts. JSWglaBllBr)aMSjM El ' litlnm. SoKtBTdniaThta. aPI M GREAT detl of nowrntt hu frf-fti V7tUto&t-tBa DC Hcvedf about blood purifiers. What purifies tfce blood? THE KIDNEYS PURIFY H BL00B AND,THEY ALONE. 1Y AmmA. fimrv. tfiv rAAtvit- s aad the Uood continually ttfcotnca W3 more impure, every drop ot Hood In the body tjoes through the kidney the sewers of the system, every three SBJnutt, night and day, while lite endures. ptfbj the kidneys In perfect health, and nature does the rest. The heavy, dragged out feeling, the frffjotfi attacks, headaches, nervous unrest, fickle appetite, all caused by I poisoned niooo, win disappear wnca the kidneys properly perform their functions. There is no doubt about thk. Thousands have to testified. The theory is right, the cure is right and health follows as a natural sequence. Be self-convinced through per sonal prooz. W. L. DOUGLAS S3 SHOE ..BEST.n IN TIE WORLD! distanced nil competitors. ' : Indorsed by over l.OOO.OOO wrera u tb j best In tyl.. st and durability ot any slio Terofftred at S3 OO ' """ j jy ? fflf din S" tn" JATBST SHAPES and I BTYXJJS and of aTarr Tarl.tr of leather. j One dealer In a town .siren exdualTe awls J and i advertUed Is local paper on receipt of 1 ITV .".?iJr: rtwrfu lit caUloitua to ! V I UOUOI.AU Ilrockton. Kpii. I Far 11 v.,,, tht. .hfi. tiw.MMj tHHA i.i CATHABTIC Hill !Tf DRUGGISTS t: Wm Chicago, Montreal Can- orlSgw Teriu y ss JErFEHaO.V CITY, MOW. Wtiks Seal Wirkti, HAT, COAL. 6T0CK.ORADf, tlEMI A M V AND COTTON SCALES. IfTrJII.Vl llal- EinDIIIA Fr reliable lafoi rLUnlUA t Florida, apnlr a-raph taaaa.!. fLOBIDi IIOMUfli laformatlon Is referanety r ror asms sad lltaa- ViU CO. , kaaau lltj.Ba. iT IS THE BEST. YUCATAN:. A. N. K.-D 1681 WHEN WKITINUTO AltVERTISERS PLKASB . eute thai yen aaw tmo AaTaCUcateat In lUeu anr. m i Estsb.- w 1883. J g I JJ2J ttUvl Xir 50 "MllIWIWIOTIlt..liaH.t,,tW.M,,l,l,,m,,Me,,M BCrarlkE7! SOB ' S . iBl 19. a; If H f.i J C "ir-i ,i . t i 1 4. , 1 ii , I ' -V. ' i' , :Lii,V5 K:ilH.i w&t&ifyb jL o JV , "JX nfc V',Q?&BI!F.