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CONFESSION OF A MILLION ARE.
A millionaire confessed the secret of his success in two words hard work. He Snt in the best part of his life gaining dol irs and losing health, and now he was putting in the other half spending dollars to get it back. Nothing equals Hostetter's Stomach Bitters for restoring health. It' ' cures dispepsia and indigestion. Next Thin to It. He Oh, by the way, the doctor ad vised me to eat a water cracker before going to bed: said it would prevent my insomnia. Are there any in the house? She The only thing in the house approaching a water cracker is the ice pick. Indianapolis Journal. Do Not Suffer!. Suffering is unnecessary. Cascareis Candy Cathartic kill disease germs, clean oat the body, remove the first causes of suffering. All Druggists, 10c, 25c. 50c. The Impossible Im Society. "hey are impossible personal" "Tesí" "Yes. they have no ancestry what ever!" Derroit Journal. There was a young man from Lenore, Who boldly went oil to the war; The "beef made him sick He recovered Quite qick By the prompt use of old Jesse Moore. Utica Toilet Compound for the hands an-e skin. Salt or fresh water baths, shampooing, poison oak, bites, cuts, sores, burns etc. "Dwiggins is getting over his bicycle craze. " "How do you know V "He lets his wife clean his wheel for him." Detroit Free Press. SHAKE INTO TOUR SHOES. Allen's Foot-Ease, a powder for the feet. It cures painful, swoolen, smarting ner vous feet and instantly takes the sting out of corns and bunions. It's the greatest comfort discovery of the age. Allen's Foot Ease makes tight or new shoes feel easy. It is a certain cure for Ingrowing Nails, sweating callous and hot, tired, aching feet. We have over 30,000 testimonials. Try it today. Bold by all druggists and shoe stores. Bv mail for 25c. in stamps. Trial package FREE. Address Allen S. Olm sted, Le Roy, N. Y. Local Prejudice. "Benjamin Franklin sleeps in Phila delphia. " remarked the reverent tour ist "Well.' answered the New York salesman with the plaid clothes, what else is there for a man to do in Phila delphia T" Washington Star Ask your grocer for Utica Cleansing Com pound for washing clothes, blankets, flannels. Bilks, carpets, and for general household use. HOITT'S SCHOOL. Menlo Park, San Mateo Co. Cal., ac credited at the Universities. Location, Climate, and careful attention to Mental Moral and Phvsical training, placet Hoitt's among the formeost Schools for boys on the Pácitic Coast. S. F. Chroki- scxe. Will re-open in the new building Q'August 15h, (9th year) Ira G. Hoitt Ph. D,. Principal. Crops are that part of vegetation which always gets too much or too little rain, Chicago Record. If COIXMBrS BUGGY COMPANY'S vehicles are not carried in stock bvyour local dealer, write to A. G. J.Q. GLENN, Columbus Repository, Pacific Coast head quarters, 1321-1323-1325 Market St., S. F., for our illustrated catalogue and further information. New Elegant Repository re plete with latest styles. Ask for Kleeno Washing Powder. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow'i Soothing Syrup the host remedy to asa 'or their children during the teething period. rjTC Permanently Cured. Nofits ornerrous ness after first day's use of Sr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. Send for FREE 2.00 trial bottle and treatise. Dr. . H. Kusi, Ltd. 930 Arch St. Philadelphia. Pa Utica Cleansing Compound, Ctica Compound Paste, Utica Toilet Compouud. Utica Liquid Compound in packages for family use. The farmer's boy looks with scorn at the city boy, who doesn't know which tho off horse and which the nigh horse is. Somerville Journal Wa nted Men and women everywhere to dis tribute samples and advertise California Or ange Syrup: 2 per day and expences paid: cash every week : particulars for '.Scent stamp. CALIFORNIA ORANGE SYRUP CO, San Francisco CaL State or Ohio, City of Toledo, Lvcas Cocsty. B Frank J. Cheney makes oath that he is the senior partner of the firm of F. J. Cheney & Co., doing business in the city of Toledo, County and stat aforesaid, and that said firm will pay the sum of OSE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and every case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by the use of Hall's Catarrh Ci p.e. FRANK J. CHENEY. Sworn to before me and subscribed in my presence, this 6th day of December, A. D. 1&S6. Í ) A. W. GLEASON, seal Xitary Public Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally and acts directly on the blood and mucous sur faces of the system. Send for testimonials, F. J. CHENEY A CO., Toledo, O. Solibv Druggists. 75c. Hall's Family Pills are the best. y I know that my life was saved by Piso's Cure for Conusraption. John A. Miller, Au Sable, Michigan, AdHI 21, 1895. Yonr grocer sells Kleeno Washing Powder. diseases of Men. Veneral, Blood, Skin. All Nervous Dis eases, Kidoey, Liver, Urinary diseases. Cure when accepted for cuje. 31 Yaars Successful Experience. DR. GORDINS SANISARIUM, 514 Pind St. (Above Kearny,) San Francisco r.iiats UHíaí ai i hrí filis. Beat Cough Syrup. Tastes Good, tin r in time. fcoll grnggista. nwt 'rh IhImBi Sin P. N. TJ.-L. A. No. 97 "Would you say 'honest politics Is r 'are?'" "'Is,' of course. Honest politics is always singular." Indian 1 polis JournaL "So old Yabsley is dead, eh? WeU, well! Did he leave anything?" "Yes. it broke his heart to do It, but he left everything." Tit-Bits. Vera Goodheart Mrs. Von Tank is a rreat social light. Isn't she? Ida tiownee Well, rather! Regular Four Hundred scandal-power. Life. In 1900: Teacher Willie, tell the :lass about the battle of San Juan. Willie Up-to-Date Whose story do you R-ant Shatter's or Davis'? Brooklyn Life. Biggs I once wrote for Sribbler's Magazine. Boggs Did you? Biggs Yes; but they refused to send It to me unless I paid my subscription In ad vance. Ex. McFingle Poor Broome! He's gone over to the silent majority. McFangle Why I when did he is he dead? McFingle Well, no; but he's married. -Tit-Bits. "Some day," said the bJgh-browed roung man, "I expect to have the world at my feet." "What have you been doing all this time," snarled the synic; "walking on your hands?" Washington Star. " Mallaby Bragleigh boasts that no living man could forge his name suc cessfully to a check and get It cashed. Has he such a very peculiar signature? Homans Xo; but he hasn't any money In the bank. Tit-Bits. Dobbs There's a man who shaves several times a day. Wiggin You don't mean It? Should think there'd be nothing left of his face. Dobbs It doesn't hurt his face at alL He is a barber. Harlem Life. "I should like to know when you are going to pay that bill. I can't come here every day In the week." "What day would suit you best?" "Satur day." "Very well, then, you can call every Saturday." Tit-Bits. Schoolmaster So, then, the reptile is a creature which does not stand on feet, and moves along by crawling on the ground. Can any one of you boys name me such a creature? Johnny Please, sir, my baby brother. Tit-Bits. "Colonel,' you swear positively that your regiment never received a pound of embalmed beef In Cuba. How is It possible for you to be so absolutely certain?" "Because my regiment never got farther than Tampa, sir." Detroit Free Press. "They's to be some kind of musical doin's at our church next Wednesday night. I've forgot what they call It." "Mebby It's a recital." "No; recitals is for pianos. Our church has got an or gan. I guess It's an orgy they're goin to have." Exchange. Papa See the spider, my boy, spin ning his web. Is it not wonderful? Do you reflect, try as he may, no man could spin that web? Johnny What of it? See me spin this top! Do you re flect that, try as he may, no spider could spin this top? Household Words. Would-be Swells at the Opera: First Swell (pretending to mistake for a waiter a rival whom he sees standing In dress-clothes at the cloak-room of the theater) Ah! have you a program? Second Swell (up to snuff) Thanks, my man, I got one from the other fel low. Exchange. "Johnny," said a teacher to a South Side groceryman's 6-year-old, "a lie can be acted as well as told. Now, If your father would put sand In his sugar and sell it he would be acting a lie and do ing very wrong." "That's what moth sr told him," said Johnny, Impetuous ly; "and he said he didn't care." Columbus JournaL . "It's hard to be happy, once you'v got a reputation for saying sarcastic things," remarked the sad-eyed man. "What's the trouble?" "I've lost an other friend. I complimented him on being the most cool-headed person 1 ever sa-iv. He took It as an allusion to the fact that he is totally bald." Washington Star. Inventor I've hit a money-making thing at last. The preachers will go wild over it, and it will sell like hot cakes. It's a church contribution box. Friend What good is that? Inventor It's a triumph. The coins fall through slots of different sizes, and half-crowns, shillings and sixpences land on velvet; but the pennies and half-pennies drop on to a Chinese gong. Tit-Bits. An Irishman, In order to celebrate the advent of a new era, went out on a little lark. He did not get home until 3 o'clock In the morning, and was bare ly in the house before a nurse rushed up and, uncovering a bunch, of soft goods, showed him triplets. The Irish man looked up at the clock, which said three, then at the three of a kind In the nurse's arms, and sa)d: "Ol'm not superstitious, but thank hivlns that Ot didn't come home at twilve!" Ex chinga. HE STILL LIVES. A Cue Where Medical Seleses Hade a Little Miscalculation. "Medical science occasionally makes a grand miscalculation," said an old citizen. "I never pass a certain bouse on lower Prospect street without re membering that 28 years aga a certain noted doctor of this town he died re cently condemned me to death. You have but a week to live,' he said. "This was information of somewhat serious import to me, although, at that time, I didn't much care whether it was a week or a mouth. But I went to another doctor. 'Are you really fright ened?' he asked. 'No,' I said; 'I've got beyond that. ' Then he remarked, 'You can't last a month.' Somehow this cor roborative testimony didn't satisfy me. Before I got through my search for in formation I consulted eight doctors. And, by the way, I was hunting through the second week before I made the rounds. Of course they all agreed pret ty well. The most liberal man of the lot said I might pull through for a year, but he greatly doubted it The other medicos gave me from a week to three months. "Well, sir, I've attended the funerals of five of those doctors, and, please God, I'll eee the other three under the eod before I quit "Understand rae ! was a pretty tough object at that time. A bronchial trouble had worn me to skin and bone. I walked with a crutch and a cane. I could scarcely talk. All the doctors agreed that my lungs were past mend ing. Five of them said I had but one lung left and that they claimed, was on its last legs. "Well, when I went to the ninth doctor, I was mad clear through. I knew he didn't have a blessed idea con cerning my case. But he tried hard to look knowing and went back to his lit tle drug tank and presently returned with a neat package wrapped in white paper. I handed him the $2 he demand' ed and walked away. 'Here, ' he said you've forgotten your medicine.' I turned back. 'No, I haven't' I said hotly ; 'I left it there purposely. Give it to the next credulous fool whose case you don't understand. ' Say, it did me good to get mad. I went home, chucked every drug into the ash barrel, staid out in the open air all I could, wasn't the least bit careful about myself, worked about the house every day until exhausted and began to get better. By George 1 Inside of a year I was in tiptop condition I Look at m: new! Sound as a dollar! Yes, sir, science does .occa sionally slip up with considerable unan imity." Cleveland Plain Dealer. It Lit. "Gimme a match, will you, old maní" Toppington had entered Throttle's office just before the noon hour. "Of course," said Throttle, offering his call er the desired article, and as Topping ton lighted his half burned cigar Throt tle exclaimed,í"Oh, by Jove, old man! Did I show you a novelty tb jt I picked up when I was down in New York last week?" "No; what was it?" "A peculiar kind of a match, " was Throttle's reply as he rose and dove into the pocket of his overcoat that hung on r. peg the other side of his desk. ' Returning, he held out to Toppington a handful of matches that looked like the ordinary article. "What's different about them?" ask ed Toppington. "Why, you throw them in the air and they light See?" Accompanying his word with the ap propriate action. Throttle tossed one of the vestas from his hand. It fell as any ordinary match would have done. "There," exclaimed Toppington, "it didn't do anything of the kind. It didnj;t light"' "You're "mistaken," was Throttle's reply. "It did, don't yon see, it lit there on the floor. " Toppington paid for the luncheons. Detroit Free Press. All About It. "There's one thing about the north pole," asserted the returned explorer emphatically. The crowd leaned eagerly forward to learn the result of his investigations. "Yes," repeated the returned explor er, lighting his cigar with great de liberation. "Er what did we understand" it was the man with the inquisitive nose who spoke "you to say it is, pro fessor?" The returned explorer threw away his match. "It is the ice, " he explained kindly. In Iceland men and women are in every respect political equals. The na tion, which numbers about 70,000 peo ple, is governed by representatives elect ed by men and women together. Pure Tea in packages at grocers' chillings Best English, Royal Marriages. The English royal marriage act is one of the time honored absurdities which survive in spite of common sense and enlightened public opinion. By it the matrimonial choice of the English princes is practically restricted to the swarms of "the German hive" and the proverbially handsome English women are forbidden. The legal prohibition was enacted in 1772 at the persistent command of George III, he "being thereunto incited," first, by the mar riage in 1776 of his brother, the Duke of Gloster, to the Countess Waldegrave (Maria Walpole), and, second, by the taking to wife by a young brother, the Duke of Cumberland, in 1771, of the widow of Colonel Christopher Horton. The first provision of the act forbids to the descendants of George II matri mony without the consent of the crown under the great seal, necessary excep tion being made to cover the marriages of princesses abroad. The second pro vision has been the especial mark of raillery. It enables marriage by one above the age of 25 against the will of the crown, under certain conditions. The Gun Bárrela Grew. In the early days in the northwest, when the Hudson Bay company laid the foundations of great fortunes by trade with the savages, and a gun paid for as many beaver skins a3 would reach to the muzzle of it, the skins packed flat and the gun held upright, it was alleg ed that tha barrel of the weapon grew and grew with each successive year un til the Indian, after he had bought it with the peltry, had to borrow a file and cut off a foot of useless metal. 44 He That Stays Does the Business." AH the world Admires "staying power." On this quality success depends. The blood is the best friend the heart has. Hood's Sarsaparitta is the best friend the blood ever had; cleanses it of everything, gives perfect health and strength. 'HlaaMBMtÉámity' KALAMAZOO. Have yon beard the pretty legend, sad and mournful and yet trae. Of the brave and dusky lover and the Indias maid Mahzoof How they lived and loved and wandered on the river's shady shore. Happiest of Indian love ra in the days that are no more? All day long the maiden labored, weaving baskets by the stream. Thinking of her love, her Kahla, weaving him into her dream ; Then he comea she hears the rowing of his light birch bark canoe. Kahla 1" calls she. Cries he, "Coming, com ing to my own Mahzool" Ah, one night she waits in silence! Bad her face her love is dead! Wounded in the chase, her warrior in a fort night to be wed. , In the morn they find sweet Uahzoo lying silent in the stream, I Bone unto her lover Kahla, nevermore to watch and dream. ; Btlll the echoes o'er the river may be heard soft throngh the air ' Echoes of the warrior Kahla and of young Mahzoo the fair. : All the trees repeat the whisper, all the rip I pies murmur, too. ! In the stream that bears their name now bears the name "Kalamazoo." . Kalamazoo TeleeraDh- TAPE WOREU3S MA tape worm eighteen feet long; at least came on the scene after my taking two ! tAstAKbib. this 1 am sure lias caused my ' bad health tor the past three years. I am still talcing cascareis, the only catuurue worthy of 1 notice by sensible people." blU. W. BOWI ES, LlUlrU, iliSS. Pleasant. Palatable. 1'otent. Taste Good. Po Good. Never Sicken. Weaken, or Gripe. Klc. 2jc. 50c. ... CURE CONSTIPATION. ... UHbf ha M?. ". Ma.lr.aL. Ira Trk. 313 lift-Til RIP Sold and muranteeil by all drug RU I U-DAlf Kuts to CU JIJE Tobacco Habit. ' y-k DR. XABTKX'S BOOK. Kelief for Women' heatfrm, in plain, Mtued enTelopa. vv rite to-day for this Book, containing Particu lars and Testimoniáis of DEL XA.RTlvL.'S French Female Pills. Praised by thousands of satisfied ladies aa safe, always reliable and without an equal. Sold bv all dramridtB in metal box. French flag on top In Blue, white and Red. Take no other. French, Prug Co., 381 ft 383 Peart St.. Vew York City. SURE CURE FOR PILES. ZTCHIJf 9 Piles produce moisture and cause itchins This form, as well aa Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Piles areoored by Dr. Bo-san-ko's Pile Remedy Stops itching and bleeding. Absorbs tumors. oOc a Jar at druggista or sent by mail. Treatise free. Writ me about your eaa SB. BOSA2TXQ. Philaria. fa. ff J CATHARTIC J S .TRADE MARK - COULD NOT SLEEP. Mrs. Pinltham Believed Her of AH Her Troubles. Mrs. Mathje Babcock, 176 Second St., Grand Rapids, Mich., had ovarian trouble with its attendant aches and pains, now she is well. Here are her awn words: "Your Vegeta ble Compound has made me feel like a new person. Before I be gan taking it I was all run down, felt tired and sleepy most of the time, bad pains in my back and side, and such terrible headaches all the time, and could not sleep well nights. I al so had ovarian f i trouble. Through I the advice of a 1 g i í J friend I began V ili I Hi teuseof LydiaK t " I Pinkham's Vege- and since taking it all troubleshave gone. My monthly sickness used tobe so painful, but have not had the slightest pain since taking your medicine. I cannot praise your Vegetable Compound too much. My husband and friends see such a change in me. I look so much better and have some color in my face." Mrs. Pinkham invites women who are ill to write to her at Lynn, Mass., for advice, which is freely offered. Where the Funde Went. As an instance of the happy go lucky character of the early darky the follow ing extract from the Albany city rec ords may prove interesting: "In 1826 the trustees of the African Baptist church applied to the common council for permission to circulate a public subscription paper in aid of tliQ funds of the chnrcb. It was moved to lay the petition on the table, pending investigation, for the reason that the principal part of the funds secured by a previous subscription. for the African church bad been used by the trustees in 'treating themselves to hot sup pers. " Albany Argus. KLEENO f ASHING POWDER Softens the Water, Makes Fine Suds. For washing White Clothes, Flannels Wollens, Laces and General House use It has no equal Saving labor and time. Does not burn the hands. ÍSK YODR GROCER FOR IT. TAKE NO SDBSTITOTE. WHY ARE YOU SICK When a little simple cleaning np of the blood will remove that tired feeling, pains in the back, head aches, etc., etc.? Take Moore's Revealed Remedy It's a medicine with honest merit pleasant to take. 1.C0 per bottle at your druggist's. ir '-sjíWtK: pension I r BICKFORD. Washington. D. C. they will receivequick replies. B.óth N. H. Vols Staff 28th Corps. Prosecuting Claims since 1S73. DR. GUM'S improved ma i es liver rlLLd ONE FOR A DOSE. Care Sick Heartache and Dyspepsia, BemoTe Pimples and Purify tha Blood, Aid Digestion andPrerent Biliousness. Do not Grips orSicken. Toconince you, we will mail sample free, or full box for 25c. DR. BOSAKKO CO., rollada. Penas. Sold bj Druggists. CURE YCUR3ELFÍ IT sms Riff sil ff- nnn.l.,! discharges, luÜ&mcuuioQg, of macona mmhr.nci. i PrarcBca cocuafiaa. Painless, and Dot atttria tTHEfcvAHSCHEM'CllCn. or poisonous. CRM T.,0 .RJ T3 "J rui,iiB. . V-nr p?nt in nlain wnniuf "-táVB Kft or 3 bottles, f2.7X BUY THE GENUINE SYRUP OF FIGS ... XAinTFACTtTKED BY ... CALIFORNIA FIQ SYRUP CO. trXOTK THE HAM E. w i Insure your Crop now It's easy and cheap and sensible, in fact you can't afford not to. One of our pumping plants don't cost very much but will pump oceans of water. Send for catalog. . Hercules Gas Engine Works 365 MARKET ST, Sao Francisco, Cal