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"Did yon say the man was shot in the woods, doctor?" "No. I didn't; 1 said ;he was shot in the lumbar region." jXonkers Statesman. The hostess I want you to meet Mr. ICawker. So interesting, you know. He ibelieves in nothing. The blase one tVhat enthusiasm! Ufe. ; "Diamonds are getting higher and higher." "Yes, dearie, but we can fix Ithat all right" "How?" "We won't buy any." Indianapolis Journal. Sunday school teacher (in Chicago) (Why did the wise men come from the East? Bright scholar Because they were wise men. Philadelphia Record, i Percy Where were you on your vaca Itlon last summer? Harold Oh, I went (to Niagara Falls. Percy What! Ia that place running yet? Chicago Jour nal ! First M. D. What a lot of things lhave been found in the vermiform ap Ipendlx. Second M. D. And look at the money that's been takes out of it! ILife. A life of terror: "What Is a bachelor. Aunt Martha?" "Oh, he's a man who (thinks every girl that looks at him in (tends to marry him." Indianapolis (journal. Hogan Do yon be lave In dreams. Mike? Dugan Faith an' I do! Lasht night I dremt I was awake, an' In the mornin' me dream kem thrue. Prince ton Tiger. "What is bad form?" "It is doing tilings In a way other people have quit doing them, or doing them in a way (they have not yet heard of." Indlanap lolis Journal. Rounder I see by the papers that Russell Sage takes a deep Interest in (American expansion and the Boer war. Flounder What per cent. 7 Town Topics. Losing Her Grip. Blanche Her for mer football training didn't prove of any use to her. May How's that? "Why, she let a millionaire slip through (her fingers." Brooklyn Life. "How is your brother. Tommy?" Sick In bed, miss; he's hurt hlsself." "How did he do that?" "We were play ing at who could lean farthest out of khe window, and he won." Tit-Bits. She Yon hesitated when I asked you llf I were the only girl you had ever loved! He Yes; I couldn't tell from your expression whether you wanted line to say "no" or "yes." Indianapolis UournaL ! Little Willie Say. pa, what's the dif ference between an optimist and a pes simist? Pa An optimist enjoys ,a (thing he can't J ike, and a pessimist (likes a thing he can't enjoy. Chicago pally News. f Talker Remarkable! Remarkable! (The weather man says the mercury 'will drop to zero In twelve hours. (Choker That's nothing. Talker Eh 1 (What's nothing? Choker Zero. Phil adelphia Press. I Reporter Mr. G rearman refuses to give his views. Editor Then write a (two-column, article attributing your (own views o bim. We will then get ibis views when he repudiates your arti cle. Town Topics. Servant A gentleman at the door ants to know If Mr. Brown lives here. Mr. Brown Tell him no; that Mr, rown boards here. Mrs. Brown la irobably the person he wishes to see. ston Transcript. Mike McLusher passed twenty-five saloons yisterday widout sbtoppin' in iwan av thlm, an' him wid a pocketful lav coin. Pat HIvins! Wor be In a thrance? Mike Naw; he wor In th' ipatbrol wagon. Exchange. t Con Ceet Yes, I'm going to the recep- Ílon. I understand the beautiful Miss Illton Is to be there. Cold Fact Well, iyou don't expect her to speak to you. Ido you? Con Ceet Why not? Is she so very bashful? Philadelphia Press. ' The moral: Sunday school teacher- fWhen the bad children called the old jman "bald-head" the bears came out fof the woods and ate them up! What does that teach us? Scholar To always climb a tree before calling names!" IPuck. "Will yon give me a kiss, Johnny?" tasked a spinster of a 5-year-old. "No, Indeed." replied Johnny. "Why not?" ishe asked. "'Cause if I did the next thing you would be asking me to mar iry you," was the unexpected reply. Minneapolis Tribune. i The tramp who bad made an unsuc icessful application for cold victuals (aid: "You don't know what It Is. ma'am," he said, "to have no friends." I" Don't I!" responded the woman of the (house, bitterly; "two of my children (have taken prizes at baby shows!" -Chicago Tribune. i lue vana. xvruuj, a mtu& you uugui to pay me something extra for lapping o many postage stamps. It makes my 1 stomach so squeamish that I can hard ly eat anything at all when I get home. The ProprietorOn the contrary, I think yonr boarding mistress ought to pay me something for the saving I Jmake for her. Boston Transcript GREAT DREAM OF THE FRENCH WARSHIPS WILL BE WHIRLED fTTj O CONNECT the Atlantic with the Mediterranean by a ship canal i capable of floating a modern man of war la the dream of the French na tion. It Is proposed to take advantage of the present waterways in the interior of France, and by deepening and supple menting them by others, fit them to the purpose. Contrary to what would seem the nat ural Atlantic terminus, says a corre spondent of the New York Press, it is proposed to neglect Bordeaux in favor of what will be practically a new port. Arcachon, with its great natural basin, lends itself Ideally to the kind of fortifi cation that would be demanded by a ca nal that would, by the fact of its exist ence, come to be the central strategic feature of the country. Arcachon, when the canal is finished, will be the Brest of to-day, a hundred times magnified. Bor deaux, that could never be made to give the necessary ease and security to a war fleet, will remain the great commercial port it is. Another advantage of the cabal as planned by the effervescent Gaul will be to furnish work for years to the French workingman, to the calming of the labor ing mind and the security of the republic, the calculations being for a permanent force of 30,000 laborers. At the beginning it was seen that ordi nary locks would not serve; with them the passage would require at least six days. One way of diminishing their number it is estimated that 200 would be necessary would be the old-fashioned plan of keeping the canal to the low alti tudes of the plains and then, arriving at the Col de Naurouze, to pass through it in a giant cut. It would be a cut 500 feet deep. To avoid the necessity of this WEBSTER DAVIS. Assistant Secretary of the Interior Began Ufe aa a Shoemaker. The career of Webster Davis, assist ant secretary of the interior, whose visit to South Africa and to Oom Paul occasioned considerable comment, is in many respects a remarkable one. He began Ufe as a shoemaker's son In Gallatin, Mo, and his father was bare ly able to give him the education which the town schools afforded. Young Davis, however, pushed on, took a course in the poor boys' school at Park vllle, where be received the idea that he was cut out for the ministry. He found his way finally to a religious seminary near Chicago, and there, be aald afterward, he discovered that the more he learned the farther he got away from the Idea. So be went back to his father and set to work at the cobbler's stool. His dislike for the trade did not escape the attention of his father. One day be made a bad Job of a pair of shoes, which came to the notice of Judge McDouglass, of Kansas City. "Send him over to my office," said the Judge. "He is certain ly a poor shoemaker, but he may make a good lawyer." That was the begin ning of his climb to the official posi tion, which he left to go to South Af rica. From the beginning he attracted the attention of rich and Influential men and they started him for the law school at Ann Arbor, where he com pleted his course. Upon his return as a full-fledged law yer, Maj. Warner, one of his patrons, found a place In the office of the sur veyor of the port in Kansas City. There he was thrown Into contact with poli ticians and started on this bent of his career. He bad a command of lan guage and a fluency which made him what they were pleased to call "a won derful orator," and he came -quickly .into demand as a stump speaker. Maj. Warner becoming a candidate for Gov ernor In 1892, Mr. Davis took to the field and went up and down the State, and, through Warner's influence, he himself secured the nomination for Congress. Both went down to defeat, but Mr. Davis had won fame through out the State which was to help him in the future. The campaign over, he went to Col orado, thence to Chicago. He returned THROUGH FRANCE WHEN THE GAUL'S LAST DREAM IS FULFILLED. '1S A GREAT SHIP ELEVATOR. almost impossible engineering feat, they have imagined a prodigious novelty, the ship elevator and the moving lock. The ship elevator is a great metallic reservoir that moves up and down hill on a great number of railway tracks, oper ated mnch after the manner of a funicu lar. There will be one at the top of the slope, another at the bottom. Each will receive a ship. The weight of the light est will be balanced by the addition of more water. Then, the equilibrium being attained, a comparatively moderate force will be sufficient to disturb it. Up will to Kansas City on the eve of a mayor alty campaign, and, since no one else cared to run, Mr. Davis was easily per suaded to make the race. Mr. Davis won, to everybody's surprise, includ ing his own. He Inaugurated an ag gressive policy, began the building of an extensive park system, but went out of office retaining only sufficient popu larity to name his successor, "Jimmy" Jones. In this campaign. In which he worked as he had for himself, be was charged with perpetrating "fakes" to win votes. One night he appeared before a polit ical meeting and declared that an at tempt bad been made to assassinate him as he was leaving the house. Whereupon he exhibited bis hat rid dled with bullets. The newspapers took it up and said he had done it himself. They secured statements from doctors to prove that he would have been shot to death, and all he could do was to deny the charges. This episode further diminished his popularity. The repu tation of Mr. Davis as an orator had spread into the national field, and he was engaged to stump Missouri for Mr. McKinley. Upon the election of the President Mr. Davis had come to be called "the administration orator." Following the election there came a period of inactivity for the orator until 1897, when, under Secretary Bliss, he was made assistant secretary of the interior. . During all bis career It has W1EBSTBB DAVUU NATION. . go one reservoir, and down the Nothing could be Bimpler. other. When ordinary locks are to be used.j the same principle of metallic basins bal-!; ancing each other, side by side, is to be' expioiteo, ior ine sane 01 eipeuiuuo. They are to be such locks as the world has never seen. Once through them and, into the Aude river, it will be plain tow- ing straight to Narbonne, which is almost! on the Mediterranean. Here is another! naturally protected port, like Arcachon, a great basin, impenetrable by a hostile I fleet. been admitted on all sides that his claim to attention Is his ability to hold large audiences. He Is emotional, tear ful, but bis speeches do not read so well. How a Dnke Earned Sixpence. How the Duke of Norfolk, one of the richest of England's peers, earned his first sixpence Is related by his friends with a great deal of gusto. A few years ago a large English, party beaded by the Duke went on a continental tour. The Duke busied him self very much on the Journey . In a kind-hearted way about the welfare of everyone in the party. At every sta tion he used to get out and go round to see If he could do anything for anyone. One old lady, who did not know him when she arrived at last in Rome, tired and hot, found great difficulty In getting a porter. So she seized on the Duke. "Now, my good man,", she said, "I've noticed you at all these stations loafing about. Just make yourself for once In your life. Take my bag and find me a cab." The Duke mildly did as he was bid and was rewarded with a six pence. "Thank you, madam," he said; "I shall prize this Indeed! It la the first coin I have ever earned In my life." Color in Medical Practice. ' The use of colors as a part of medi cal treatment is not a new one. Red light, for example, has been recently advocated In the treatment of measles and smallpox. Jean Gaddesden cured the son of Henry I King of England, of smallpox by surrounding the Prince with scarlet, clothing him ia scarlet as well as all bis attendants, and having red carpets and hangings in the room. The record shows this succeeded so well that his face was not even scarred. Vast Possibilities of Rósala. Should Russia ultimately succeed in her scheme for dominating Asia she will become mistress of some 800,000, 000 people. Our Idea of bravery and unexampled heroism Is for a poor preacher to differ In opinion with the most generous con tributor of his flock. Every one who owns a dog boasts that bis dog knows more than mosj grown persons- ... . ...... Teeth Made from Paper. Are the latest in dentistry. By a pe culiar process they are. rendered better than any other material. They may be fine, but most people would prefer their own. and this may best be accom plished by keeping: the stomach healthy with Hostetter"s Stomach Bitters, as. the condition of it affects the teeth. The Bitters will cure constipation, dy spepsia and biliousness. Mothers will find Mrs. .Winslow's Soothing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. There's no use talking. Tou can't have good health without pure, rich blood. Adam's Sarsaparilla pills keep- the blood pure and regulates the liver and bowels to perfection; 10 c, 25 c.p druggists. Coffee in pound packages sealed from the varied odors of the? grocery and marketed by the firm that, raised it; that is what you get whem you buy Telocros Java & Mocha.. Thelr ad appears In today's issue. HOW'S THIS. We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any cue ef catarrh that cannet be dured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO., Prom., Toledo, O.. We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney for the last 16 years, and believe him perfectly honorable in all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligation made by their Arm. Wist & Tbdax, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O Walino, Kiunan A Mabvih, holesale Drug gists, Toledo, O. Ball's Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, act ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur faces of the system. Price, 75c. per bottle. Bold by all druggists. Testimonials free. Hall's Family Pills are the best. If yon want to make your hornet pleasant, pay a little more attention, to the cultivation of plants in andt around your. home. A new catalogue lust published by F. A. Miller, 215 Hayes St., San Francisco, gives you a full list of the most desirable seeds,, plants and bulbs. Send for cata logue. Piso's Cure for Consumption has been, a God-send to me. Wm, B. McClellanr Chester, Florida, Sept. 17, 1895. Try Allen's Foot Ease. A powder to be shaken into the shoes At this season your feet feel swollen,, nervous and uncomfortable. If you have: smarting feet or tight shoes, try Allen's Foot-Ease. It rests and com forts; makes walking easy. Cure swollen and sweating feet, blisters and calous spots. Relieves corns and bun ions of all pain and is a certain cure for Chilblains, Sweating, damp or frosted feet. We have over thirty thou sand testimonials. Try It today. Sold by all druggists and shoe stores for 25c. Trial package FREE. Address, Allen S. Olmsted, Le Roy ,N. Y. LOST HA IT HIS EAR. Two Very Grateful People Speak Up- Mr. A. B. Hill of Vacaville feel that he owes his life to Dr. Chamley. He had a large cancer in his ear and. had consulted a number of the best Dhystcans he could find. He under went in all nine separate treatments,. In the course of which the cancer not only became worse, but one-hair of his ear had been removed. He ap nlled to Dr. Chamley, November 10 1897. and was treated by the latter for only two weeks. As a result, the cancer was completely eradicated, not a vestige of his terrible disease re maining. Mr. Mattlas Gartner of 2019 Fif teenth street is another convalscent full of gratitude and praise for Dr. Chamley. Like many inveterate smokers, he contracted cancer of the lip, and though his disease constantly grew worse, he could find no way of becking its inroads. He finally ob tained a copy of Dr. Chamley's 120 page free book on the cure of cancer without knife or pain, and as a result placed himself under the tatter's car at No. 25 Third street. With the ex ception of a small 'scar no trace of the oaneer la left. Women especially should consult the Doctor at the appearance of any lump in the breast, aa such will always prove to be cancer. 8. F. Examnler,. Feb. It IBM AnpVTC to sell Imported and Do UEilll J meitic Wines ft Liquor TO FAMILIES at Wholesale Price Special inducements to live men. Address with references CLYDE-STANLEY CO., 124, 126 k 128 First St, Sai Francisco. Cal. Kir. u.-L. a. No. 135 I ínñn 1 J There is every good (if reason why jj St. Jacobs Oil If , should cure 1- lj RHEUMATISM NEURALGIA f LUMBAGO " ; SCIATICA : . for the rest of the century. One par- ' ' amount reason Is it does cure, 1 I SURELY AND PROriPTLY