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"Mamma says n woman never can understand men." "Does she?" "Yes. She says If a girl has -taken piano lessons, her husband will not buy her a piano, but If she has taken cooking lessons the first thing he will buy Is a range." Music in the Air. Yeast Did you ever see one of those musical rocking chairs? Crlmsonbeak Did 1? Well, I guess I did! I used to own one. "You did?" "I certainly did." "How did you like It?" ' "Like It? Say, the first night after I bought It I went home and fell over it in the dark; took all the skin off my shine, nearly broke my nose, put one eye out of business; and when I . picked myself up, blow me If the pesky thing wasn't playing "Home. Sweet Home!" Yonkers Statesman. He Was Beady. "At a certain Swiss hotel," said an American tourist, "when I got ready to go I tipped everybody who had waited on me to the slightest extent and was ready to drive off when an Individual appeared and asked If I had forgotten his existence. " 'And what did you do for me?' I asked. " 'I ara the undertaker in the can ton,' he replied. " 'But, thank heaven, I have not needed your services.' " 'That is not my fault, monsieur. For two weeks have I been ready to patch up your mangled remains and send them on to your friends with my condolence and yet you have refused to go up on the mountain and meet with a fall. It is not for what I have done, but for what I should like to Uave done.' " Working; on Bumps. "Is your husband at home, madam?" asked the caller at the door. "Sure and he's not," said the big, red-faced woman who had opened the door. "You see, madam, I am a traveling phrenologist, and I'd like to examine the bumps on your husband's head." "You're too late. We did have a bit of an argument this morning, and my husband's gone down to the doctor's to have him examine them. Yonkers Statesman. Reversing the Hule. The Parson Young man, in order to succeed in any undertaking in life, you must begin at the bottom and work up. Youug Man That wasn't my father's motto. He began at the top and worked down. The Parson And made a failure, I suppose. Young Man Not on your life. He made a fortune mining coal. A Ooo 1 Idea. "If you had a choice of names," said the teacher to a little girl pupil, "what particular one would you choose?" "Jones or Smith, please," was the prompt reply. "But why Jones or Smith?" "So that my country relations couldn't find me so easily when they came to the city and wanted to stop for dinner." OUTWITTING THE PRUSSIANS. The little village of Josnes is situ ated on the route covered by the Prussians in the Franco-Prussian war of 1871. The peasants of the neigh borhood never weary of relating their experiences with the soldiers from over the border. The Prussian soldiers had a little way of carrying off with them any good horses they came across. Mon sieur I.emaire owned the finest horse In the village, and was determined not to give the animal up if he could help it. A company of soldiers passed through the town, picking up' several horses as they went, much to the chagrin of their owners. After the raid was over the neighbors were sur prised to learn that Monsieur Le m a ire's horse had not been among those seized. The quick-witted Frenchman had tied a piece of twine about the horse's hind leg, utmost stopping the flow of blood. The leg swelled, and the animal became so lamo that the officers who saw him lu the pasture did not even make an attempt to take him. After the pass ing of the soldiery, the string was re moved and the member carefully ban daged. In a week the horse was as well as ever. At various times the peasants were compelled to quarter the soldiers. Not only were they forced to supply food and lodging, but anything of value in the house was pretty likely to be seized by the unwelcome visitors. The pride of one little home was a clock that had been owned by the family for nearly a century. When it was learned that the solictors were coming, at the suggestion of the mater fa mllias the clock was taken to pieces and the parts hidden in different places about the house. The soldieds arrived. After they had been there a couple of days the peasant returned from his work at night to find the clock standing on the shelf, ticking away as usual. One of the Prussians, being of a mechanical turn, had discovered the ruse. He had accordingly hunted up all the pieces of the clock and put them together. The soldiers were ordered clscwhare a day or two later, but the clock was left behind. All through that section of the coun try, known as the "granary of France," there are windmills. Unlike the mills of Holland, or the very mod ern windmills of our own farms, which turn as the wind shifts, the huge funs of the French mills .are turned about by a hand-lever. During the war these mills did good service in indicating to the French officers the whereabouts of the Prussian army. The fans of the mills were so arranged that they faced the spot where the forces. of the enemy were the thickest, the mills thus serv ing us signals that could be seen a long distance away. The Prussians never learned the trick, which was employed all through the war. Magnetic Minds. In the district of Stnvangor, in the southwestern part of Norway, there is a place called Juederen, a flat strip of coast less than a mile long, which is notorious for shipwrecks. Now a Nor wegian physicist lias discovered that the sand of Jaederen Is strongly mag netic, owing to an admixture of mag netic iron ore. He found also that at a distance of three miles from the shore a ship's compass showed a devia tion of a whole degree from Its true position. The cause o.' the numerous shipwrecks, therefore, is obvious. Different Points of View. Old Grimes did chide his luzy son, 'cause he in bed would lay, instead of getting up to work with the dawning of the day. He told him how a poor man once at sunrise in the field, had found a leather purse which did a thousand dol lars yield. "Oh, that's nil right," the youth replied, "an early bird was he but the jay who lost the money was earlier, don't you see?" His Shoes. Mrs. GIgly What's that, may I ask? Mrs. Hubly Oh, that's all I ever see of John Henry when he's at home, so I fixed it up to keep me from being lonesome. A Freak ot Nature. Not long ago Colonel Cody, better known as "Buffalo Bill," was relating to a professor of ethnology some of his many and varied experiences among the Indians during his early days. The Philadelphia Tublic Ledger tells of the little joke which the scout played on the professor. "By the wny," asked Colonel Cody, abrutly, "did you ever see a red-headed Indian?" "Never did, and never heard of such a freak, colonel," was the reply. "I saw one, a Cherokee, down on the Fort Scott trail," quietly answered Cody. Then he stopped, waiting for a "rise." It came. "Rather an unusual sight that, wasn't it?" "Rather; but you see, this Indlna was bald." He (at breakfast) Do you remem ber Waggsby, who bombarded us with rice when we were married? She Yes. What of him? He Oh, nothing, only I've Invited him to take dinner with us to-morrow, and I want you to make some of your famous biscuit. Good Address. "You will hardly do for the place," says the prospective employer. "What we want is a man of good address." The shy, awkward youth drew him self up at this, and asked: "Do you know of anyone who has a better address than mine? I live at the corner of Swelle avenue and Nobb street." Too Superstitious to Work. , Hobo Excuse .me, lady, but I can't chop no wood fur yer. I'm supersti tious about beglnnin' any work on Fri day. Housekeeper Well, you can come back to-morrow, then. Hobo Ter tell yer the truth, lady, I'm so awful superstitious that all days look alike to me. Chicago Journal Might Have Been Worse. Mrs. Gabbsby My! I was at the dentist's this afternoon, and he made me keep my mouth open a whole hour. It nearly killed me. Mrs. Stillwater Yes, but it might have been worse. If he had made you keep your mouth shut for half that long it would have killed you tor sure. Baltimore American. Natural Conclusion. The teacher was giving a lesson in Russian history. "And it was Ivan the Terrible," she related, "who slaughtered so many in nocent people. Why did he do It?" "I guess It was because he owned an automobile," spoke up the boy whose father is a 'chauffeur. Warned in Time. Mr. Hardnut I admit, sir, ihat my life has not been what It should be, but I truly and unselfishly love your daugh ter, and if ever I give her a moment's pain I hope I'll be made to suffer tor ture for It. Old Gentleman (warningly) Oh, you will. You don't know her. Household Frugality. Mrs. Newed Do you notice any dif ference in the milk, dear? Newed I should say so; this is much better than the kind we hare been get ting lately. Mrs. Newed Indeed It is. I got It of a new man, who said he would guaran tee It to be perfectly pure, so I bought enough to last a couple of weeks. FORE8TRY WORK IN GERMANY. Vast Areas of Poor Land Planted with Pines by Government. The total area under forest admin istration in Prussia In the year 1903 amounted to 8,270,134 hectars (I hec tar Is 2.47 acres), 2,558,709 of which belong to the state and 72,421 to tho crown, while the rest was owned by municipalities, corporations, and pri vate landowners. All forests belonging to municipali ties and corporations are administered under government supervision, if not by government officers directly, says a writer in the Forum; the large private owners invariably engaging foresters who have passed the examinations re quired for the administration of gov ernment or municipal forests. For ob vious reasons, there are no statistics at hand of the income derived from the greater part of the municipal and private forests. But the kingdom of Prussia realized a net income of 1U murk per hactar, or 40,935,504 marks, in the year 1003. These figures, however, do not tell the whole story. In the eastern part of northern Germany there are vast areas of poor soli, frequently consist ing of pure sand, unable to bear any crop. The government acquires such t lands and reforests them mostly with the common German pine (plnus sil vestris). One can hardly imagine how much labor and money bucu planta tions call for; but the work is con tinued, year after year, until u young, promising forest of pine stretches where formerly white sand greeted tho eye of the traveler. The outlay for all this is charged against the forestry department. The same is true where the ever lasting fight ognlnst the land-devouring seas prevails. Sand-dunes on the shores of the North and the Baltic sens are first sown with weeds, whose long roots hold the sand and what littla ' earth there may be together. Later humus is carried there to be planted with seedlings. As a large proportion of the trees ofthe north German forests consists of the' common pine mentioned above, it may be readily understood that the net income therefrom cannot be very large. Still, the government derives a considerable amount of revenue from lands which would be looked upon as deserts in our country. In other parts of Prussia, and in the rest of Ger many, the net income is considerably larger. But the main points always are: (1) to sow or plant and let grow all trees that promise to pay sufficient interest; (2) to cut and market tim ber whenever it pays best to do so; and (3) to take care that future gener ations are bo worse off than the pres ent Popular. "Poor Mrs. De Olde! Her eyesight is failing so fast she is of very little use In society." "Oh, she Is in great demand." "What for?" "All the girls want her as chaperon." Improved Rapidly. Singing Master Why, you have no voice at all! Singer Well, but I always pay for my lessons double the amount usually paid by others. Singing Master Say that again; your voice sounded much better, I thought. Proof Positive. "Did my client, to your knowledge, ever incite another to perjury?" asked the attorney for the defense. "Yes," answered the witness, "I once heard him ask a woman her age." i In After Years. Old Fogy Father My father never supplied me with money to squander on fast horses, theater parties, late dinners and the like. Up-to-Date Son Oh, that's all right, dad. You must remember that I come of a more artlsocratic family than you did.