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Office Boy Miss Keys, please me look at your face? Miss Keys What for? Office Boy Why, the boss said some of tlie paint was scratched off his typewriter. I dldu't know whether he meant you or the machine. Errors Didn't Matter. "No," said the publisher, "we have no room for you; in fact, we've dis charged all our proofreaders. Don't need' em." "You don't!" exclaimed the appli cant. "No. We're publishing nothing but dialect stories now." Philadelphia Press. The answer-to-correspondents editor was engaged In opening his mall. "What," wrote a fair maid, "should a girl do when she realizes that she has been jilted?" Seizing his trusty pencil the a-to-c editor dashed off the following: "It Is up to her to get busy and see all her friends for the purpose of ex plaining just why she had turned the young man down." Dance Auction Uny. A custom that has existed for some vcuturles Is still maintained In certain towns on the lower Khinc Karly In the year on auction day the towu crier or clerk calls all the young peo ple together and, having chosen attrac tive maidens, sells to the highest bid ders the privilege of dancing with them, and them only, during the entire year. The fees go Into the public poor box. DiHqtiictinR Suspicion. . "Do you enjoy your wife's teas and receptions?" "No," answered Mr. Cumrox, "to be candid, I do not. I can't help harbor ing a suspicion that if I didn't happen to be her husband, Mrs. Cumrox wouldn't consider me of sufficient so cial consequence to be invited." Washington Star. All In. Dottle Oh! Mr. Scott, I've had a perfectly delightful evening. All those magnificent roses, the box at the opera and that delightful supper afterward how can I ever repay your kindness? Scotty Well, you might lend me a car ticket to get home on if you have one. Cleveland Leader. A Knock-Out Blow. Oatcake When my uncle Zcke wuz in his prime he wuz sum punkins as a fighter, but he fln'ly got a blow wot knocked him out fer keeps. Hayrlx Who wuz It hit him? Oatcake Didn't nobody hit him. lie went tew th' city an' delivered th' blow hisself, b'gosh! Hayrix Heow wuz that? Oatcake He took an' blowed out th' gas. Not a Fair Deal. Teacher Who was the first man, Johnny? Johnny George Washington. Ho was first in war, first in peace and first Teacher (interrupting) No, no, John ny; Adam whs the first man. Johnny Oh, well, if you are going to ring in foreigners, I s'pose he was. Bad Bill. "Closewood must be sick. I see the doctor is calling." "How many times do you think he will call?" "About one hundred times." "Goodness! You don't mean to say he is that sick?" "Well, the doctor will call twice for medical services and the rest for the bill." WHAT MEN DID AFTER FORTY. Falsity of Dr. Osier's Rash Statement Is Demonstrated. Beginning with Demosthenes, we find that the great Athenian delivered his oratorical masterpieces the ora tions "On the Crown" at 54. Aristotle did his greatest work after 50, and Plato after 55. Chaucer wrote the "Canterbury Tales" and other famous works aft er 40. Spinoza wrote his epoch-making book after he was 42. Lawrence Sterne wrote "Tristram Shandy" when he was 47. Cervantes was 50 when he began to write the Immortal "Don Quixote." Defoe was 54 when he gave the world "Robinson Crusoe." Oliver Cromwell did not begin his wonderful life work until he was 43. Titian was over 40 when he began work on the renowned masterpiece, "The Assumption of the Madonna." Leonardo da Vinci, who, we are told, comes nearest to being history's "uni versal genius," was 45 years old when he painted "The Last Supper." Sir Christopher Wren designed St Paul's Cathedral at 40 and the towers of Westminster Abbey at 80. John, Hunter, the celebrated physi cian, wrote his greatest treatise when 60 years of age. Tasteur was 53 before he fairly got to work on his hydrophobia cure. Morse was 41 when he gave the world the telegraph. Tast 40, too, was Mohammed be fore he began to write the Koran and to organize the scattered tribes into Islam. Mommscn was on the shady side of 40 when he wrote his monumental his tory of Rome, and the other great Ger man historian, Itnnkc, did not begin his "History of the World" until he was 80. Rev. Thomas B. Gregory, in New York American. A Natural Inference. "How long have you been the hus band of the defendant?" "Twenty-four years." "Eh! She's just testified thnt her age is but 28. How do you explain this?" "We-we married young, your hon or." Cleveland Tlnin Dealer. Told in Confidence. Mrs. Homer My husband tells me that you allow your husband to carry a latchkey. Is it true? Mrs. Peckem Yes; but this is con fidential, mind it doesn't fit the door. I let him carry it just to humor him; be likes to show It to his friends for the purpose of making them believe he Is independent The Exception. Biggs I never yet saw a man Who could meet death without blanching. Diggs Why, what's the matter with your two sons? Biggs What do you moan? Diggs Well, I should think they ought to be able to do it; one is a doe tor and the other is an undertaker. His Observation. "Did you ever observe," queried the typewriter boarder, "that the villain in a play is always a man?" "Yes," rejoined the old bachelor, "and I have also observed that there Is always a woman at the bottom of his villainy." VerlBed. "Casey, hov yez iver hur-rud thot if yez are ut th' bottham av a tall chim ney yez kin sne th' sthars in th' day toime?" "OI hov, me bye, awn Oi hov sane tbim." "Yez sane thlm?" "01 did. 01 fill down th' chimney." Tempters. Editor In this article you say that a great deal of thievery Is caused by handbaggers. You mean saudbaggers, don't you? Writer No, handbaggers. Women who go around swinging handbngs for crooks In the shopping district to grab. - Tim The declaration by Charles S. Young, advertising manngor of the Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Paul Rail way, In a university extension lecture that railways hove found newspaper advertising more profitable than any other form of advertising, points to a truth that has been growing steadily In recognition for several years. It is only natural that it won early recogni tion as truth among those in a voca tion attracting, as railroading con fessedly does, a large share of the best ability of the age. Concurrently with railway mana gers, the managers of all kinds of theatrical and other amusements, an other vocation demanding the most alert Intelligence, recognized this same truth, and the huge crop of posters, lithographs and other "window and wall paper" they had long maintained disappeared. The superlative quality of any par ticular thing could hnrdly be fortified more conclusively than by these two unqualified testimonies in precept and practice from two of the professions in which it is most of all necessary that methods shall be both Intelligent and modern In the best sense. Modern advertising may be said to have been born with the modern news paper and to have grown up with it practically as a part of It. Its aim is the dissemination among men and women of prompt knowledge of where they may secure on the most accept able terms whatsoever they may le gitimately desire. Its best medium, therefore, Is one which keeps abreast with Its time, takes hold on the atten tion of the largest number of people who want things and maintains for itself a character for honesty, respon sibility and intelligence that com mands the respect and confidence of the community Chicago Chronicle. The Choice of a Wife. A German professor selects a woman who can merely stew prunes not be cause stewing prunes and reading Pro clus make a delightful harmony, but because he wants his prunes stewed for him and chooses to read Proclus by himself. A fullness of sympathy, a sharing of life with one another, is scarcely ever looked for except in a narrow, conventional sense. Men like to come home and find a blazing Are and a smiling face and an hour of re laxation. Their serious thoughts and earnest alms in life they keep on one side. And this is the carrying out of love and marriage almost everywhere in the world, and this the degrading of women by both. From One of Mrs. Browning's Letters, 1840. Never judge a woman's age by her store tf .th. At Bacon Ridge. The Postmistress It's pesky little use I have for that Mrs. Stylor from town. Silas Redboot Why, at one time you used to say she was all right The Postmistress Yes, but then she used to write all her affairs on postal cards. Now she writes sealed letters an' I can't find out her business to save my life. Same Sensation. Returned Explorer You don't seem at all appalled at my description of the way I was chased by a boa con strictor. Miss Fluffy No; I was chased by a garter snake once, and I know just how you felt. Detroit Free Press. The Senate judiciary committee of the California Legislature has unanimously reported in favor of the passage of an anti-trading stamp bill. Helps Pnrfume Trade: "The perfumery business never wa9 better," said the perfume dealer the other day. "I sell more perfume than I ever did before, and I think my heavy sales are due In a large part to the automobile craze. "You know the odor emanating from those gasoline autos Is not' pleasant. Lovely woman docs her best to over come It by using lots of perfume. Just take notice the next time an auto whizzes by you and see If you don't get a good strong whiff of perfume with the gasoline If there Is a smartly attired woman In the machine. "Women may be going in for ath letics more than ever, but they are go ing In for perfumes, too, and the most expensive kind. "It would surprise you though, to know how many men have the per fumery hab'It as well. I think the new fancy Bilk handkerchiefs may have something 'to do with thnt." An Excusable Tip. Bilkins Seems to niu the custom of tipping is spreading everywhere. It's outrageous! Wilkius In some cases It is excusa ble. "I'd like to know in what cases?" "Well, you can't get weighed without tipping the beam, you know." As Compared. Myer A scientific writer claims that a growing squash Is capable of lifting a weight of nearly 5,000 pounds. Gyer And at that when It comes to a matter of strength, the strenuous squash Isn't in it with the meek and lowly onion. Could Spell, AM night. "And you want a position, do you?" asked the man. "Yes, sir," replied the boy. "Are you good at spelling?" "Yes, sir." "Well, spell 'hypochondriac' " "Oh, well, I can't spell it unless I have the book!" Yonkera Statesman. Or eat Help. The Parson Yeas, Bruddah Beazly did a great deed foh de church. The Deacon Huh! Did he donate much money? The Parson No, but he got up de Idea of putting an alarm clock on de end ob de collection basket to wake up drowsy bruddahs en sistahs. Hur t on Ihem. Hicks Isn't it awful the way Dum ley brags of his ancestors? Wicks Yes, it excites my sincere pity. Hicks Pity? Nonsense, the chump doesn't deserve any pity! Wicks Oh. I don't pity him, but his ancestors. Catholic Standard and Times. Feminine Strategy. Mrs. Sayitt Mrs. Browne has been treating her husband rather cool for some time. Mrs. Askitt Yes, so I have observed. I wonder what is the cause of it? Mrs. Sayitt Oh, it's merely a hint that she expects a new sealskin sacque this winter. Unecessary. Sapleigh Me aw physician told me I wequiahed a complete rest. Miss Cutting Indeed! Sapleigh Yaws; he even forbid me to aw think, doncher know. Miss Cutting And did he have the nerve to charge you for advice like that? Equal Rights. Mr. Newed (two weeks after marriage) Don't sit up for me to-night, dear, as may be detained down town until after midnight. Mrs. Newed Oh, that'll be all right. By the way, in case you should return before I do, kindly leave the gas burning in the hall, will you? A Baggage Room Dialogue. "There!" said the suit oase, ruefully. "That baggage man forgot to give me a check and now I'm broke!" "I wish I could help you," answered the Saratoga trunk, "but the fact Is I'm strapped myself." Cleveland Leader.