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"Robbie, you should be ashamed ot yourself for striking your little broth er." "But, mamma, I had to do It to pro tect myself." "Why, the Idea!" "I did, though. If I hit any other boy's little brother, the other boy will whip me." Papa's Fault. Mrs. Westende You never think of the future. You live only in the pres ent. Westende Well, your father Is to blame for that He gave us our house for a wedding gift. Bare Occasions. Old Chap Young man, you must be op and doing to attain success In this world. Do you ever see the sun rise? Young Man Once in a while Old Chap When? Young Man Oh! On my way home In the morning. Inertia. The City Boarder Things are mo notonous here. I look out across the cornfield and .that awful scarecrow is always standing motionless in the same place. If it's not taken away I'll go crazy! Farmer Foddershucks That ain't no scarecrow, ma'am. That there's the hired man. Cleveland Leader. Nothing New. "Some one will dramatize the cook book next" "Eat at my house some day and I'll bow you several tragedies that have been adapted from that classic' Judge. I Rhymes of the Season. When the summer time ling ended and the snucy outifmn breeze Gets to toying with the loaves on all the brilliant colored trees, Ah, 'tis then the hearts grow lighter and the spirits start to rise, When the frost is on the pumpkin and the pumpkin's in the pics. When the days are growing shorter and the birds have gone away, And the corn is "growing riper in the fields from day to day, There's a rosy glow pervading ail the hazy nutiimn skies, When the frost is on the pumpkin and the pumpkin's in the pics. When the hammocks have been put away and open cars are gone, And you never see a tennis player chas ing on the lawn, When the college people gather and you hear the football cries, Then the frost is on the pumpkin and the pumpkin's in the pies. , You recall with lots of pleasure all the summer days could give, But since the autumn days have started, then you know 'tis joy to live, As your mouth begins to water, and there's gladness In your eyes, When the frost Is on the pumpkin and the pumpkin's in the pies. Chicago Chronicle. She Knew. Mr. Bore I believe that every man has some i.nlmal or vegetable charac teristic about him. Miss Cnustlque Lots of men are very small potatoes. ' A Sol fish Monopoly. Two men were discussing monop olies, one 'maintaining that there are both good and bad monopolies, and that those he was connected with are distinctly of the good sort. Then, says the New York Tribune, he proceeded to Illustrate what a bad monopoly Is, and to show the nature of a bad nio- j nopolist: There was a young man In the South who went one summer on a visit to some relatives in the North. On his return he sought out another young man, and said, Impressively: "Look n-hcre, I understand that you took advantage of my absence from town last month to go calling on Miss j Henrietta Brown." "You are mistaken," the other man answered. "It Is her sister, Miss Clarissa Brown, that I've been calling on." "Well, sir," said . the first, "that makes no difference. I've got my eye on both them girls." Difficult Task. "How can I get the ladies of my congregation more Interested In heav en?" sighed the earnest young rector of the fashionable church. "You might Intimate that things will be exclusive there," replied the old preacher, sadly. "By such means you may be able to arouse a mild interest" Pittsburg Post Completing the Quotation. Little Elmer (who has an inquiring mind) Papa, what Is the rest of the old saying about people living in glass houses: "People living in glass houses should not" what papa? Professor Broadbead Sbould not have neighbors within a stone's throw, I imagine, my son. Puck. "i ' mtmt i jr ' OUR BUDGETOF FUN. HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokclets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born Sayings and Doings that Are Old, Curious and Lnujtliuble The Week's Humor. Truth Conies Out. She Where did you pass your va cation? He At the seashore. She And did you leave your heart behind you when you returned tt town? He No, but I left my trunk. Useful. "I hear that you really take pump kins for subscriptions to your paper," drawled the old farmer, who had mount ed the winding stairs to the editorial rooms of the rural paper. "For awhile," replied the editor. "'Bout how long?" "Until the autumn poets stop sending In poems. We pay them off In puaip klns." Sour. Edwin No, they never get on, now that tbey are married, and yet they courted under the shade of the old apple tree. Katharine Indeed! Well, it must have been a crabapple tree. Idleness Justified. DIggsby I don't see how you can af ford to loaf so much of the time. Higgins I can afford It because I only get 75 cents a day when I work. Diggsby But that Is just the reason why you should got in more days. Higgins Oh, I don't know. When I don't work I don't lose much. See? Drawing the Line. "I like to believe that all men are .honest," said the moralizer. "Same here," rejoined the demoral izer, "still, I always draw the line at taking the same patent medicine for liver complaint that I use for toothache, no matter how the label reads." A Poor Plan. Miss De Fashion Mother, what shall we send Miss De Style for her wedding present? Mrs. De Fashion Will tlit list be published in the paper? "No; she says that's vulgar." "Send her a plated saltspoon." Real Breakers. Gunner Did you hear about Spender? Some one rescued him from the break ers out in Lake Michigan. Guyer Great Scott! Was he bath ing? Gunner No, ho was on one of those floating poolrooms where the breaker! break the lambs. Qiieorness of Man. Man is a queer and strange device, No woman e'er denies it; He growls all winter at the ice And in the summer buys it. She I wouldn't marry the best man In the world. He rardon me, but your remark was entirely uncalled for. She Why, pray? He Because I never asked you to marry me. Saving the Hoy. Father I wish you'd cut the woman's page out of the Daily Bluster before giving the paper to our son. Mother Goodness me! Why? Father I don't want him to become tired and sick of women before he's old enough to marry. Her Opinion. "The automobile," remarked Mr. Malaprop, "will undoubtedly prove a great bleslng to poor people." "Why do you think so?" queried her next-door neighbor. "Because," explained Mrs. M., "only few of them can afford to keep a horse." Modesty. Lieutenant I have a very pretty eompliment for you. One of the young ladies thought I was the author of your latest poem. Fliegende Blaetter. m By MX THE gfBEST DEALERS 'Jam m A.J. TOWER CO.. ESTABLISHED 1836 eo&TON raw york chicaoo 1 TOWER CAWAMH,f0".1 Lewis' "Single Binder" straight 5c cigar, made of extra quality tobacco. You pay 10c for elgurs not so good. Lewis' Factory, Peoria, III. Chinese Ruler. The Empress Dowager of China was sold Into slavery at the age of eleven, to save her family from starvation. Afterwards she was presented to the late Emperor, and, upon his wife's death, became Empress. Her feet were never bound, and she was taught to read after persistent pleading. The sterling qualities of this- wonderful wo man, like those of Plllsbury's vltos, have overcome every obstacle. And she holds herself at the head of China, as does vitos at the head of breakfast foods. More Careful with His "Wife. Mrs. Gliddcn You held that um brella so far over Miss Charmer's head that you got yourself all drenched on one side. Mr. Glldden Funny, isn't it? When you and I go under the same umbrella it is always you that gets the drench ing and not I. Boston Transcript Beware of Ointments for Catarrh that Contains Mercury as mercury will surely destroy the sense of smell and completely derange the whole system when entering it through the mucous surfaces. Such articles should never be used except on prescriptions from reputable phy sicians, as the damage they will do is ten fold to the good you cai. possibly ueiive from them. Hall's Catarrh Cure, manufactued by F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, O., contains no mer cury, and Is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. In buying Hall's Catarrh Cure be sure you get the genuine. It is taken internally, ind made in Toledo, Ohio, by F. J. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free. Sold by Druggists, price 76c. per bottle. Take Hall's Family Pilla for constipa tion. f ITC Permonastlj cured. No St tt BeT- I J wrioj attar rt day! M f lit. KVnii'o Clrnttt Korvi Restorer. tianX lor FRE JJ.M trial bottle and tr0c D. K. 1L EX.UTO. IAH, 111 Arcs St.. FMl- A number of needed Improvements have recently been made in the build ings and equipment of the Los Angeles State Normal School, the effect of which is seen in the Increased at tractiveness of the rooms and in the greater efficiency of the work of the several departments of instruction. The departments of Geography, Phy sics, and Physical Culture, in particu lar, have benefited by these changes and increased facilities. Generosity. Beggar Pardon, sir, but this nickel you gave me is lead. Benevolent Old Man Why, so It is! Well, keep It, my man, as a reward of your honesty. Le Journal. At the Market Price. "Baron, what did you give your boys for birthday presents?" "Soldiers." "And your daughter?" "I bought her one, too a lieutenant." Fliegende Blaetter. L. A. N, U. 1905-50 S CURES WHIRt All USE FAILS. Beat Cough Bjrup Tutea fitood. Cm "f V In time. Soid by druggist. l .