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Hard on Htm.
JSflf He (trying to make an impression) The poems I write are not only about Imaginary tblngs. I have only to open my eyes like this to see something beautiful before me. She How charming. How I wish I could say the same. Would Be Foil? to Be Witt. The Motorist Funny thing they can't keep this road in better order. Seems to me absurdly bumpy. The Sketch. Made of KDony. A Massachusetts gentleman met I colored man who had recently worked for him, and Into whose family, says the Boston Herald, a girl baby had come shortly before. "What have you named her?" asked Mr. Green, on being told by the father of the addition to his family. "Dat's what we can't 'clde on," was the reply. "I wants her name Clara and my old woninn wants it Nettle." "Well, then," suggested Mr. Green, "why don't you call her Clarinet?" "I declare, Marse Green," said the colored man, admiringly, "dat Is pur tier dan either of 'em." Meeting his colored friend several weeks later, Mr. Green was amused to hear him say, "We's named her Clari net." Why He Worried. "I'm worried." ."Not feeling well, eh?" "No, it ain't that" "Financial matters, maybe?" ' "No, no." "Anybody In the family 111?" "Not at all." "Then, what In blazes worries you?" "Well, It's this way. It looks to me as though both the candidates for Governor are going to run very close. And what worries me is this: Suppose the result of the votes should be a tie." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Frequent Ocenrrence. Roderick What do you think of the sight of his wife's hat driving a Chi cago man to drink? Van Albert Very remarkable; but If It had been the bill for the hat thai started him drinking he would have the sympathy of a thousand other men who have been there before. Om Kant Wfedosm. "VzeuM me, wr," wid tb btuto, ut t UTi a ionia that will podttvtb pom hair on that bald head of rout "Pont want any of tt," NptWd fl totta la the ehair. "Betu aiiHI faaa t feroror to rotnata balk Everything Limited. The old farmer went to one end of the swaying coach to wash his hands. He could find only a few remnants of soap. ''Boy," he drawled, "there don't seem to be much soap here?" "No, sab," chuckled the porter, "you know dls is de limited. Ebbything abohd am limited." ' Then the old man tried to fill a glass from the water cooler. He could only force out a few drops. "Where's the water, boys?" "Not much water, sab. Dat am lim ited, too." Presently the ' porter brushed the old farmer down and the latter hand ed him nine coppers. "Why, boss," protested the porter, "yo' gib de porter on de udder train a quarter." "I know that," clv.ickled the old farmer, "but you know this Is the limited, and everything should be lim ited." Chicago News. Sympathy. One afternoon last summer there en tered a hospital in the poorer quarter of Philadelphia a little girl of about 8 years, bearing in her arms a fox terrier whose forefoot had been crushed by a heavy wagon. To the attendant who tells the story the little girl explained that she desired to have the doctors "fix the doggy's foot." The physicians were for refusing the case at first, but in view of the great distress of the youngster, they finally permitted their good nature to get the better of them. Chloroform, instru ments and bandages were produced, and a neat operation was performed, the child bravely assisting. "Now," said one of the doctors, "you may take the dog home with you." The little one's eyes widened. "Oh," she explained, "it ain't mine. I jest found it, an' I think you oughter take care of It." And off she went, leaving the dog In their custody. Harper's Weekly. Borrow of It. "More trouble," sighed McNutty, putting on his coat "If It ain't one thing if a another." "What's the mattor now?" queried bis good wife. "More labor troubles," answered Mc Nutty. "Not another lockout, I hope," eald the partner of his sorrows. "No, it's worse than that," answered the alleged bead of the house. "The boss has yielded and I've got to go to work again." Chlcaco News. A Spelling Rule. At a school inspection some of the boys found a difficulty in the correct placing of the letters "1" and "e" in such words as "believe," "receive," etc., when the Inspector said blandly: "My, boys, I will give you an infalli ble rule, one I Invariably use myself." The pupils were all attention, and even the master pricked up his ears. The inspector continued: "It is sim ply this. Write the T and 'e' ex actly alike and put the dot in the middle over them." London Tele graph. As She Is Spoken. "Art you going to take that little trip with me I spoke about last week?" "I haven't thought about It" "Well, think of It this week, will you?" "Yes, if I think about It, I'll think about it." "By the way, I saw you on the street the other day and you never noticed me." "I never noticed you." Puck. A Others Bee Us. "They say," remarked the very young man, "that ignorance la bliss, yet I am not altogether happy." "That," rejoined the aage of Sage Tllle, "may be due to the fact that you've got Juat enough sense to know what a chump you are." Another Fleh Story. Eayth Jack and I are going on a fishing trip to-morrow, , Mayme Tom and I went yesterday. Edyth Did you eatch anything? Mayme Nothing but Tom. Chi ta go Newt, Get What You Ask For! THERE Is a Reason Why the Good People of America buy Cascarets as Fast as the Clock Ticks. Every second some one, somewhere, Is Buying a little Ten-Cent Box of Cas carets. I, 2, 3, 4, 5, 660 times to the Minute. 60 Minutes to the Hour, 3600 Boxes an Hour, 36,000 Boxes a Da of Ten Hours, 1,080,000 Boxes a Month, and then some. Think of It 220,000 People take 'a Cascaret tablet each day. Millions use Cascarets when necessary. The Judgment of Millions of Bright Americans is Infallible. They have been Buying and Taking Cascarets at that rats for over Six years, It Is not an Experiment, not an Acci dent or Incident, but a sound, Honest Business, based on Time-Trled-and-Tested Merit, never found wanting. There is a Reason. Cascarets are the implacable foe of All Disease Germs; the Incomparable cleanser, purifier and strengthener of the entire Digestive Canal. They Act like Exercise on the Bowel Muscles, make them strong and active able to Help Themselves do their work keep themselves clean. Cascarets are the safe-guard of Innocent Childhood against the Dreadful Death dealing Dangers that threaten the Lives of the Little Ones. They are Purely Vegetable, absolutely Harmless, always' Reliable and Efficient, Facrsin the Case. "I suppose," said the new parson, "your husband is kind to you and the children." "Oh, yes," answered the drummer's wife, "but his kindness Is too often of the unremitting kind." "Excuse me," said the good man, "but I'm afraid I'm a trifle dense." "You see," explained the lady, "he sometimes fails to remit when away from home." Somewhat Different. "This question' whether a word should have its adverbial or its ad jective form seems to me to have lit tle to do witli the sense. Now, what Is the difference between talking loud and talking loudly?" "No difference," replied the peda gogical friend. "But look here: for a large fee you give legal advice freely, but you don't give It free. I think that will retain you for a while." One on William. In searching about the house in which the great William Shakspeare was born the historians observed a quaint old curtain still hanging over the window. "And what is this?" asked one of the party. "Possibly the shade of Shakspeare," replied the local buffoon, and the Joke seemed so original he sold it to the London comic Daoers. Chicago Newa. Natural Deduction. The fair summer boarder wae hav ing a look over the farm. "What are those queer-looking birds?" she asked. "Them's geese,", answered' the farm er. "Oh, yes!" exclaimed .the fair one. "And do they lay all the gooseberries rou use?" Columbus Dispatch. . Empty. Dummelgh What about this canteen problem? Brisque Oh, there's nothing In it!" Cleveland Plain Dealer. a true, faithful, loyal servant of Mankind. Over Five Millions of Dollars have been Spent to make the merits of Cas carets known, and every cent of It would be lost, did not sound merit claim and hold the constant, continued friendship. Patronage and Endorsement of well pleased people year after year. There Is also a Reason Why there are Parasites who attach, themselves to the Healthy Body of Ca caret's success Imitators, Counterfeiters, Substltutors. They are Trade Thieves who would rob Cascarets of the "Good Will" of the people, and sneak unearned proflt3t earned and paid for by Cascarets. A Dishonest Purpose means a Dishonest Product and a Disregard of the Purchas ers' Health or Welfare. Beware of the Slick Salesman and his ancient "Just as Good" story that com mon sense refutes. Cascarets are made only by the Sterling Remedy Company, and the famous little Ten Cent "Vest Pocket" box is here shown. They are never sold in bulk. Every tablet marked "CCC." Be sure you get the genuine. VT FREE TO OUR FR1XNDSI We want to send to oar friends a beautiful French-deslened. GOLD-PLATED BONBON BOX, hard-enameled In colors. It is a beauty for the dressing table. Ten cents In stamps Is asked as a measure of good faith and to cover cost of Cascarets, with which tWcIafnty trinket Is loaded. 786 Send to-day, mentioning this paper. Address Sterling Remedy Company, Chicago or New York. Were Cluaalo Ada. It seems curious to American ideas to know that there is a firm of bouse decorators In London which has been mentioned by some of the most emi nent English writers, it started In 1(593, and Jane Austen, Thackeray and Lord Lytton are among the many writers who have placed their heroes or heroines in rooms decorated by this firm. This might be called classic ad vertising. Dorothy is a sweet little maid of two and a' half. Her father never carrlea a cane, and when a caller came in with one one day, she was observed standing before it rapt in contempla tion. "Well, Dorothy," said her mother, "what's that?" Dorothy looked up with a puzzled expression. "Umbwella wlvout any clothes on," said she. Lipplucotfa Magazine. A Blackmailing Inurnment, The street musician paused at the steps. "Mooslc?" "No, no. Here's a quarter for you. Move along." "Tanka, signor. It is such a fins org'." "Fine! It's the worst box of discord ant whistles I ever heard!" "It is do finesto org' Pietro ever own. It playa da tune not so much, but It brings da more mon'." Had a Ijnoky Escape. Mrs. Shrewsbury That man who just passed us was Mr. Batcheller. I haven't seen him since we were mar ried. He proposed to me once. Tou should have seen the look be cave you. Mr. Shrewsbury That so? Gloat ed, did he? Philadelphia Ledger. stale. Stubb There goes Miss Flasher. Bays ahe la just back from Newport and htf complexion la aa brown as a nut Pann Yes, a chestnut " .