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Wot a Full Call.
The driver of the Oaktown stage wm a person of much amiability and a large fund of anecdote, but hip mem; ory was by no means of the beat. The inhabitants of his native town hi ado many excuses for him, but. -summer visitors found his failing "a particu larly trying one. " " "That man should be 'complained of, and should lose his position as express agent and mail carrier!" said one ex asperated man who' had been' obliged to remain in Oaktown over another night, owing to Hauuy Toot's forget ting to call for hiiu. "Well, now, II guess you didn't im press it on Ranny that he was to take ye," said an Oaktown man, moved to mild remonstrance. v "Impress it on him!" echoed the summer visitor. "I wrote my name on his order book in the postolBce. I should like to know what more I could have done." "Well, now, it's like this," said the farmer, with a half-apologetic air. "Sometimes there's a number of or ders on that book, and Uanny might happen to forget one of 'em, so what folks most generally do is fust to write their names in the book, and then speak to Uanny about It whan he's up on the trip before the one they want to go on. And then they ask Leinu'l the postmaster to kind of remind Itanny when he stops for the mail. And then we always deem It wise to be all ready to start In time enough so's we can walk down to the cross-roads and head Runny off, just for fear it might slip his mind, allow ing time to go back for a trunk In case there's one to be lugged." Whence Come Microbes. A writer in Le Figaro of Paris (Dr. Ox) at the close of a long article on the origin of microbes declares that the bacillus of consumption originally capie from blades of rye, wheat and corn and that the human luug Is Its adopted abode, where It would perish were It not replenished. That rare atmos pheres ore beneficial to consumptives Is not because they are thin, but be cause rye, wheat, corn, etc., are not grown there. Larry's Description. farry had just landed in America and It was his first sea voyage. '' Kirn did yez git sae-sick?" auiSona 0 .flqulred Mary Ellen. "01 did," replied Lary, with a dole ful shake of his head. "Awn how did ut fale?" Larry thought a moment and then said: "Did yez Iver see an umbrllla turned wrong side out In a windstorm? Well, the way that umbrllla looked 01 felt" Domestlcntlng an Angel. The leading lady had just received a proposal from the company's richest back er. "An 'angel' all to myself," she said. "Well, I guess yes." So they lived happily for several months. Soothing Delusion. Newpop My baby used to cry all night, but I've got a scheme now that fools him every time. Wedderly What's the scheme? Newpop As soon as he begins to cry I get up and light all the gas Jets In the house. He thinks It's daylight, then, and roes to sleep at once. a. . Effect of Overwork. Adam had just named the giraffe. "It really ought to have been a longer name than that," he said, "but I'm all tired out from naming the megatherium and the ichthyosaurus." Wearily turning away, he deferred the job of christening the brnithorhynchus un til the, next dav. . i She Work at Home. Hicks I understand Mrs. Bias has learned how to keep her husband; at home. , - - ' Wicks Nonsense ! Bias is out with "the boys" -nearly every night Hicks You misunderstand me.'' 1 mehu the work she does at home keeps him. She's a dressmaker; you kuoflr. Philadelphia Ledger11 1 " ' '' ;."; GETS FORTUNE FROM SKUNKS. Ranchman on Missouri River Raises Animal for' His Hide. John Lucas, living southwest of Elk Point; S. D., in the great bluffs along the Missouri river, Is slowly amassing a fortune by the raising and killing of skunks for their bides and oil, says the New York Herald. He has been doing this for several years and now has a veritable farm of these ani mals. He has made an inclosure of stout wire covering an area of an acre. The wire fence Is six feet high and the wires are buried three feet below the ground. As the bluffs form a natural home for the skunk, he has no bouses or shelter to build for the animal. Tho low marshes in one corner and the heavy growth of bushes at one end of the inclosure make a hiding place for the timid creatures. The skunks derive their source of nourishment from small mice they catch along the bluffs and from frogs in the summer time. The time for killing the animals for their hides begins about Nov. 1, or a little earlier should the weather be cold. Only a stick Is necessary, for Luces, walking among the bushes and poking in the holes, gives each speci men he selects a slight knock on the head, rendering the victims dead in an instant, and not injuring the fur, as a trap or rifle would do. Over 300 prime furs were collected last fall. The skins are shipped to Sioux City and Omaha and other mar kets and bring good prices. Tho pure black ones are being bred in preference to others, where found practicable, as the pure black skunk hide is as valuable as mink. "We shall wrest the secret of your wealth from you," said the bold brigand of the mountains. "You shall hang by your thumbs for two hours." The captive breathed a sigh of re lief. ; . , ., "Thank goodness!" he answered. "I thought you were about to say I should hang by a strap two hours. I used to ride on the Chicago street cars." Only Remedy. Mrs. Blinks Our son John doesn't eeem to have a bit of energy. He'll never be good for anything until he marries. Blinks How will marriage benefit him? , Mrs. Blinks Oh, after he's married a few weeks he'll get over the hahtt of hanging around the bouse. The Burglar's Grasp. "Did It ever strike you that a burg lar, of all men, Is most sensitive to the fitness of things?" , "Can't say It ever did. How do yon make It out?" "He, always throws light, on his shady transactions with a dark lan tern." Baltimore American. Interested Inquiries. "Young man, how do you intend to support my daughter, if you marry her." "By working, sir." "Yes, yes. I understand all that, but what I want to know Is whom you are going to work? Baltimore Ameri can. Kent the Letters. "I learned the game of love once," sighed the young man in the blue waist coat ' "So?" asked his chum. "Yes through a school of correspond ence.' I took ten lessons." "And did you realize anything?" "Only that I was a lobster. She kept . the letters and sued ma for breach' of promise." 4', From Pig to Pork. "'" Passerby Is that your pork down there pa the road, guv'nor? , 'i Farme'r-'-Pork ! ; What d'ye' 1 mean? There's 1(1; o' mine out there. ." ' 1 Passerby Ah, 1 but there's a( mofor car just been by. London Puricbl , ,; Art Critics and Art. Some one was to be married, for they were buying a wedding gift in a certain east side store, bearing that manner of having money to spend, which will inevitably assure the atten tion of the shopwoman. A certain paint ing, rainbow hued and Inclosed in a large gilt frame, bad attracted, their attention. It was $1.G9. "What Is It?" asked one, peering closely. "It Is an oil painting," answered the saleswoman. "It has no name on It," announced the first woman, with an air of having found out what was wrong with the work of art. "The best artists never sign their work, ma'am." "Are you sure It Is hand painted?" "Certainly, ma'am." It will hang on the wall of one bride's home. Brooklyn Eagle. Knew What It Meant. Bleeker I say, old man, why don't you consult a phrenologist nud find out what that peculiar looking bump on the back of your head Indicates? Meeker Oh, I know what it indi cates, all right. Bleeker You do, eh? Meeker You bet I do. It Indicates that my wife has a well-developed mus cle. Everything? Orderly. "What's the excitement down there at the corner?" asknd the stranger. "There ain't no excitement, mister," said one of the bystanders. "A feller with a camera took a snapshot of a wed din' party as they were comin' out of church, and the bridegroom is kick in' him around the block." Just Like a Woman. It was 2 o'clock in the morning when he staggered up the stairs. "Here you come at last!" exclaimed his better half. "I've worried myself half to death over your absence." "Well, if that ain't (hie) jus' like a woman," he replied. "They only (hie) half do things." "Your wife is a very cultured wom an, I understand." "Y-e-es, I " "They tell mo she is at home In mu sic, literature, art, science " "Uh-huh but " "But what?" "But she's never at home.'V-Cleve-land Leader. Possible Reasons. "Senator," asked the inquisitive con stituent, "why are appropriations for in ternal improvements, such as erecting public buildings, making rivers naviga ble, and the like, called 'pork'?" "Because," said the statesman, "you fellows squeal till you get it, and Uncle Sam grunts when he gives it out." Wanted a Square Deal. Mrs. Newed I'd like a nice steak. Butcher Yes, ma'am. You want a round steak, I suppose. Mrs. Newed Oh, I don't care any thing about the shape, just so it's ten der. Longing. A chap out of work up in Michigan Said : "I wish I had my posichigan. With my salary back I could ride in a hack And could buy all the things that I wichigan. j Houston Post.. 1 No Limit. v "It's too bad the average man can't be satisfied with a good living and not be hungering for more money." "The average man is satisfied with a good living. The only trouble is that his idea of a good living grows with his in come." He Knew. Teacher How many eggs are there in a dozen? -''' Grocer's Boy Five good , ones, five fair ones and two bad ones. Cleveland Leader. - ! - ,:. All Things Come, Ete. ". , "That man was a waiter, for ten years, and now he's worth a million!" ' !,i "All for waiting ten years?" : , "les, his; rich undo: died then.". , ! Outside of the Capitol. First Farmer Did you hear that fellow pray' for the Senate? Second Farmer He didn't pray for the Scnnte. He looked at them and prayed for us. Tough. Lawyer You have a very hard case. Burglar So did the vault, but I cracked It nil right, all right Hard Luclc. The Wooden Soldier Confound this military life, anyhow. Here I've been on duty for three days without a re lief. Too Hasty. "There's Charlie, leaving Miss Jones'. I wonder if she has accepted him?" "What time is it?" "Five minutes after 9." "No. She's refused him." "How do you know?" "He told me he was going to propose at 9 o'clock sharp." Cleveland Leader. Didn't Appreciate Him. "How In the world do you think I can compose music with all the noise there Is In this house?" yelled the mu sician. "Mercy!" cried the landlady. "I should think after all the racket you make with that piano you'd be used to noise !" A Free Lanck. Benedick Not married, eh? I'll bet you're fond of a girl, though. Batcheller Oh, yes, Indeed. Benedick Who is she? Batcheller Her name Is Legion. Philadelphia Ledger. Not Literary Worlg. The Lady And you say that you were doing stpry work soma time ago? Short story, eh? , Rambling Richard No'm, second story. Columbus Dispatch. What Would Happen? Gunner I see where a New York man has a $19,000 overcoat. Guyer Whewt Suppose he should come hope some day and discover his wife tad given It to a tramp? Might Be True. "Honesty is the best policy," remark ed the quotation fiend. "Perhaps you are right" rejoined the skeptical person. "Anyway, an insur ance policy Isn't always the best hon esty."' men There. Gunner I wonder what will be the first thing they sight at the north pole. Guyer Why, Eskimos selling souve nir postal cards, of course. Bmlle Robin, r the aged vice president of' the French Society for the Saving of Shipwrecked, assists similar societies in other countries. ' ,'. . ,f