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Road that Mad History.
A hundred years ago the eyes of America were on the Southwest. We were on the edge of a war with Spain over the closing of the Mississippi, and under orders from Washington Wil kinson, in command of Fort Adams, ' held solemn conclave with the Indiana who owned the east bank of the big river, and by treaty established a sa cred postroad through their country. It left Nashville on the old Buffalo trace, crossed the Tennessee at Col bert's ferry below the Mussel shoals, land striking the hills back of the Big Black, came down to Natchez and on to New Orleans, with a branch to the Walnut hills. The road was more than a military necessity, for so many pi rates infested the Mississippi that mer chants returning from New Orleans needed a safer route home with their money. After It was opened It became all things to the Southwest. Methodism went down that way in the person of Tobias Gibson, later Lorenzo Dow fol lowed him with the camp meeting spirit. Old Hickory marched his army down to Natchez over this route In 1813 and marched it back again next spring. And from that day till near ly our own It has been the great cen ter of that country's activity. Now the railroads have come, the settlers have moved down Into the valleys and opened up poorer roads In the beds of branches and through swamp low lands. But the Trace Is still there upon Its ridges, the best road of them all. Everybody's Magazine. How He Knew. Newltt That was Dr. Pondruss who was talking to you a little while ago. He's a very learned man. Plane He must be. Newitt Why, how did you know? He was only talking to you for a very few minutes. Plane Well, It was long enough to make me very tired. Catholic Stand ard. Young Prince Charts. The christening of the lnfnrtt son of the Prince and Princess of Wales Is specially interesting from the fact that one of the names given him is Charles. The young prince is the first of the royal blood to bear that name since "Bonnie Prince Charlie." It Was True Ixve. "Are you sure he loves you?" "Sure! Willie sneaked a tack in the chair beside mine the other night Jut ai be came, and he sat on that tack all the evening and never knew it" Houston Poat Cnrran In the CoaTee Houae. John I'hilpot Curran, the famous Irish lawyer, ranks among the wittiest men the Emerald Isle has ever pro duced. His wit, however, was some times turned against himself by the in tended victim, the following story, taken from the volume of biographical rem iniscences, entitled "Mrs. Brookfleld and Her Circle," furnishing an amus ing example of how Curran was once outdone. A brisk, young widow, In some part of Ireland, used to preside at the table of a coffee-house patron ized by Curran. Her name was Honor, and one day there was some disputed charge. Curran slyly winked at the friend who happened to be dining with him, and proposed "Honor and hones ty." "By all means," added the wid ow, briskly, holding her glass to be filled, "let us drink to Mr. Curran's ab sent friends." Hallowed Dirt. Matron (at reform school, to new ar rival) Come, little boy, you haven't had your face washed yet. Bad Dick (struck by a bright idea) I ain't agoin' to have, neither. You shan't wash my maw's kisses off ! Highly Accomplished. Oyer Miss Strongmind Is highly c compllshed In music. Myer Indeed ! Gyer Yes. Why, she can actually refuse to play the piano and stick to It Is c t r. 1 is cFaVofiteS Bonnie Bessie Lee. Bonnie Bessie Lee had a face fu' o' smiles And mirth round her ripe lips was ay dancing slee, And light was the foot-fa', and wni- sonie the wiles, O the flower o' the parochln our aia Bessie Lee! With the bairns she would rln, and th school laddies paik, And o'er the broomy braes like a fairy would flee, Till auld hearts grew young again wi' love for her sake There was life in the blythe blink o' bonnle Bessie Lee. She grat wi' the waefu' and laugh'd wl' the glad, And light as the wind 'mang tfii dancers was she; And a tongue that could jeer, too, th little lassie had, Whllk keeplt aye her ain side fot bonnle Bessie Lee. And she whiles had a sweetheart, and whiles she had twa, A glalkit bit lassie but, atween yon and me, Her warm wee bit heartie she ne'ei threw awa', Though mony a ane had sought 11 frae bonnle Bessie Lee. Bat ten years had gane since I gazed on her last, For ten years had parted my auld hame and me. And I said to mysel' as her mither'i door I pass'd, "Will I ever get anlther kiss frat bonnle Bessie Lee?" But time changes a' thingsthe Ill-natured loon! Were It ever sae rightly he'll no let It be; But I rubbit at my een, and I thought I would swoon, How the carle had come round about our aln Bessie Lee. The wee laughing lassie was a gude wife growing auld Twa weans at her apron and ane on her knee; She was douce, too, and wise-like and wisdom's sae cauld . I would rather had the ither ane than this Bessie Lee. Robert Nieoll. Apropos 0f Legal Harder B1BU Father's got conniption fits, Put him out of pain ; Mother's almost lost her wits From the fearful strain. Elector, can you hesitate? Strychnine's yonder on the plate. Baby's yelling with his teeth, Poor, dear, little creature! One above and one beneath, Twisting every feature. When his mouth he opens wide, Give him the cyanide. Fanny's had an awful blow, Her engagement's broken ; Can. you see her suffer so? Not a word she's spoken. Rougb-on-rats is painful, yet It will help her to forget. Uncle Thomas has the gout. Feet and legs are swelling; Cannot sleep or. move about Hark ! You hear him yelling? We, his heirs, have ail agreed From his pain he must be freed. -Saturday Evening Post. When the Eyes Grow Dim. When a man begins to bold off his newspaper at arm's length like be was afraid It would bite hlui it is a sign that he has started down the western slope and that the afternoon sun is shining In bis eyes. Jewell (Kan.) Re publican. Ancient warriors learned how to shake spears before there was such a thing as a Shakspearean scholar. 1 OLD LFaVoriteS Grandfather's Clock. My grandfather's clock was too large 'or the shelf, So It stood ninety years on the floor; It was taller by half than the old mnn himself, Though it weighed not a pennyweight more. It was bought on the morn of the day he was born, And was always his treasure and pride; . But it stopped short never to go again When the old man died. CHORUS. Ninety years without slumbering (tick, tick. tick, tick), His life seconds numbering (tick, tick, tick, tick), It stopped short never to go again When the old man died.- In watching its pendulum swing to and fro, Many hours had he spent when a boy; And in childhood and manhood the clock seemed to know, And to share both his grief and his joy. For it struck twenty-four when he en tered at the door. With a blooming and beautiful bride; But it stopped short never to go again When the old man died. My grandfather said that of those he could hire, Not a servant so faithful he found; For it wasted no time, and had but one desire At the close of each week to be wound. And It kept in its place not a frown upon its face; And its hands never hung by its side; But it stopp'd short never to go again When the eld man died. It rang an alarm In the dead of the night An alarm that for years had been dumb; And we knew that his spirit was pluming for flight That his hour of departure had come. Still the clock kept the time, with a soft and muffled chime As we silently stood by his Bide; But it stopp'd short never to go again When the old man died. Henry C. Work. Logical. Two Irishmen were digging a sewer. One of thorn was a big, strong man about six feet four Inches in height and the other one was a little, puny man about four feet six inches. The foreman came along to see how the work was prgressing and noticed that one of tbem was doing more work than the other. "Look here," be cried, "bow is It that little Dennis Dugnn, who is only half your size, is doing nearly twice as much work as you, Patrick?" Glancing down to his partner, Tat replied : "Aad why shouldn't be? Ain't be nearer to it?" Philadelphia Ledger. No Trouble. "What is the meaning of 'alter ego'?'' asked the teacher of the beginners' class in Latin. "The other I," said the boy with the curly bair. "Give a sentence containing the phrase." " 'He winked his other I.' " 11 Making- it Easy tor Her. In compliance with a pressing Invita tion the young woman seated herself at the piano. "You mustn't mind ' it, Miss Pink plank," said Mrs. Sliptung, "if the dog begins to howl as soon as he hears you He always acts that way when the girls start the graphophone. RAILWAY 8I&NAL. Paper Torpedo Which Is Perfectly late and Harmleaa. It has been found that thi! majority of .the metallic torpedoes that are used upon , railroads for signal pur poses are exceedingly dangerous, often causing Injury to those who use them. A Pittsburg inventor has devised an entirely new composition of paper or a soft, fibrous material, whereby the Injury caused by metallic torpedoes le entirely obviated and a perfectly safe and harmless torpedo provided. This torpedo Is made of three cup-shaped shells, one placed Inside the other. The two inner cases or shells consti tute a case in which the explosive ATTACHED TO TUB BAIL. compound Is placed, and are composed of paper, cloth or other similar fib rous material, which will not, when the torpedo Is exploded fly in a man ner to Injure anyone who should hap- yen near it A strap to engage with the rail is placed around the middle casing and the outer and holding the strap In position. Owing to the flexi bility of the several shells, they are capable of being Inclosed one within the other and thus yield sufficiently to at the same time permit the strap to be embraced within the casing. Tbe position of the torpedo on the track when being exploded is such that the wheel of a passing train is above and the rail below the torpedo, making it essential that there should be an ad ditional edge. This strengthening edge Is effected by a ring or band, also of soft, fibrous material, around the edge of the torpedo, which when exploded will not cause injury and adds to its safety and hnrmlessness. When tbe torpedo Is completed It is subjected to a coating of waterproofing compound, as are also the shells before being as sembled. Not Playing Futures. ' "Yis, mum, Oi'll make yez as good a cook as the nixt wan." "I don't know anything about the next one, but you'll have to be better than the last one." Houston Post Walts Up tor Him. During a heated political discussion among a number of men some one ex citedly asked : "What is a boss, anyway?" Nobody seemed anxious to answer, but all turned somewhat expectant eyes toward Mr. Meeklngton, who had been taking a leading part In the discussion. "You'll have to excuse me," said Mr. M., noting the expectant attitude of the crowd. "The only boss I know is the head of my modest household, and po liteness to a lady prevents me from commenting upon her characteristics." The Winning Card. "What are trumps in the game of life?" I nsked of all in the busy strife. "Hearts," said the maiden, shy and sweet, With hnppy eyes and blushes fleet. The society belle smiled scornfully : "Hearts for you, but diamonds for me." "Clubs," drawled the blase man of the world, ' Drifting down stream with his sails all furled. The gravedigger laughed as he plied his trade. . . "Spades are the final trumps," he said. Baltimore American. ,t ( ';. --'l. ' Beginning to Doubt. Foreigner Your Panama canal will be splendid gift to hand down to posterity. American Statesman Yes; but I don't know whether we are going to hand it down or pass it up.