Road that Mad History.
A hundred years ago the eyes of
America were on the Southwest. We
were on the edge of a war with Spain
over the closing of the Mississippi, and
under orders from Washington Wil
kinson, in command of Fort Adams,
' held solemn conclave with the Indiana
who owned the east bank of the big
river, and by treaty established a sa
cred postroad through their country.
It left Nashville on the old Buffalo
trace, crossed the Tennessee at Col
bert's ferry below the Mussel shoals,
land striking the hills back of the Big
Black, came down to Natchez and on
to New Orleans, with a branch to the
Walnut hills. The road was more than
a military necessity, for so many pi
rates infested the Mississippi that mer
chants returning from New Orleans
needed a safer route home with their
money.
After It was opened It became all
things to the Southwest. Methodism
went down that way in the person of
Tobias Gibson, later Lorenzo Dow fol
lowed him with the camp meeting
spirit. Old Hickory marched his army
down to Natchez over this route In
1813 and marched it back again next
spring. And from that day till near
ly our own It has been the great cen
ter of that country's activity. Now
the railroads have come, the settlers
have moved down Into the valleys and
opened up poorer roads In the beds of
branches and through swamp low
lands. But the Trace Is still there
upon Its ridges, the best road of them
all. Everybody's Magazine.
How He Knew.
Newltt That was Dr. Pondruss who
was talking to you a little while ago.
He's a very learned man.
Plane He must be.
Newitt Why, how did you know?
He was only talking to you for a very
few minutes.
Plane Well, It was long enough to
make me very tired. Catholic Stand
ard. Young Prince Charts.
The christening of the lnfnrtt son of
the Prince and Princess of Wales Is
specially interesting from the fact that
one of the names given him is Charles.
The young prince is the first of the
royal blood to bear that name since
"Bonnie Prince Charlie."
It Was True Ixve.
"Are you sure he loves you?"
"Sure! Willie sneaked a tack in the
chair beside mine the other night Jut
ai be came, and he sat on that tack all
the evening and never knew it"
Houston Poat
Cnrran In the CoaTee Houae.
John I'hilpot Curran, the famous
Irish lawyer, ranks among the wittiest
men the Emerald Isle has ever pro
duced. His wit, however, was some
times turned against himself by the in
tended victim, the following story, taken
from the volume of biographical rem
iniscences, entitled "Mrs. Brookfleld
and Her Circle," furnishing an amus
ing example of how Curran was once
outdone. A brisk, young widow, In
some part of Ireland, used to preside
at the table of a coffee-house patron
ized by Curran. Her name was Honor,
and one day there was some disputed
charge. Curran slyly winked at the
friend who happened to be dining with
him, and proposed "Honor and hones
ty." "By all means," added the wid
ow, briskly, holding her glass to be
filled, "let us drink to Mr. Curran's ab
sent friends."
Hallowed Dirt.
Matron (at reform school, to new ar
rival) Come, little boy, you haven't had
your face washed yet.
Bad Dick (struck by a bright idea)
I ain't agoin' to have, neither. You
shan't wash my maw's kisses off !
Highly Accomplished.
Oyer Miss Strongmind Is highly c
compllshed In music.
Myer Indeed !
Gyer Yes. Why, she can actually
refuse to play the piano and stick
to It
Is c t r. 1 is
cFaVofiteS
Bonnie Bessie Lee.
Bonnie Bessie Lee had a face fu' o'
smiles
And mirth round her ripe lips was ay
dancing slee,
And light was the foot-fa', and wni-
sonie the wiles,
O the flower o' the parochln our aia
Bessie Lee!
With the bairns she would rln, and th
school laddies paik,
And o'er the broomy braes like a fairy
would flee,
Till auld hearts grew young again wi'
love for her sake
There was life in the blythe blink o'
bonnle Bessie Lee.
She grat wi' the waefu' and laugh'd
wl' the glad,
And light as the wind 'mang tfii
dancers was she;
And a tongue that could jeer, too, th
little lassie had,
Whllk keeplt aye her ain side fot
bonnle Bessie Lee.
And she whiles had a sweetheart, and
whiles she had twa,
A glalkit bit lassie but, atween yon
and me,
Her warm wee bit heartie she ne'ei
threw awa',
Though mony a ane had sought 11
frae bonnle Bessie Lee.
Bat ten years had gane since I gazed
on her last,
For ten years had parted my auld
hame and me.
And I said to mysel' as her mither'i
door I pass'd,
"Will I ever get anlther kiss frat
bonnle Bessie Lee?"
But time changes a' thingsthe Ill-natured
loon!
Were It ever sae rightly he'll no let
It be;
But I rubbit at my een, and I thought
I would swoon,
How the carle had come round about
our aln Bessie Lee.
The wee laughing lassie was a gude
wife growing auld
Twa weans at her apron and ane on
her knee;
She was douce, too, and wise-like and
wisdom's sae cauld
. I would rather had the ither ane than
this Bessie Lee.
Robert Nieoll.
Apropos 0f Legal Harder B1BU
Father's got conniption fits,
Put him out of pain ;
Mother's almost lost her wits
From the fearful strain.
Elector, can you hesitate?
Strychnine's yonder on the plate.
Baby's yelling with his teeth,
Poor, dear, little creature!
One above and one beneath,
Twisting every feature.
When his mouth he opens wide,
Give him the cyanide.
Fanny's had an awful blow,
Her engagement's broken ;
Can. you see her suffer so?
Not a word she's spoken.
Rougb-on-rats is painful, yet
It will help her to forget.
Uncle Thomas has the gout.
Feet and legs are swelling;
Cannot sleep or. move about
Hark ! You hear him yelling?
We, his heirs, have ail agreed
From his pain he must be freed.
-Saturday Evening Post.
When the Eyes Grow Dim.
When a man begins to bold off his
newspaper at arm's length like be was
afraid It would bite hlui it is a sign
that he has started down the western
slope and that the afternoon sun is
shining In bis eyes. Jewell (Kan.) Re
publican. Ancient warriors learned how to shake
spears before there was such a thing as
a Shakspearean scholar.
1
OLD
LFaVoriteS
Grandfather's Clock.
My grandfather's clock was too large
'or the shelf,
So It stood ninety years on the floor;
It was taller by half than the old mnn
himself,
Though it weighed not a pennyweight
more.
It was bought on the morn of the day
he was born,
And was always his treasure and
pride; .
But it stopped short never to go
again
When the old man died.
CHORUS.
Ninety years without slumbering (tick,
tick. tick, tick),
His life seconds numbering (tick, tick,
tick, tick),
It stopped short never to go again
When the old man died.-
In watching its pendulum swing to and
fro,
Many hours had he spent when a boy;
And in childhood and manhood the clock
seemed to know,
And to share both his grief and his
joy.
For it struck twenty-four when he en
tered at the door.
With a blooming and beautiful bride;
But it stopped short never to go
again
When the old man died.
My grandfather said that of those he
could hire,
Not a servant so faithful he found;
For it wasted no time, and had but one
desire
At the close of each week to be
wound.
And It kept in its place not a frown
upon its face;
And its hands never hung by its side;
But it stopp'd short never to go
again
When the eld man died.
It rang an alarm In the dead of the
night
An alarm that for years had been
dumb;
And we knew that his spirit was
pluming for flight
That his hour of departure had come.
Still the clock kept the time, with a soft
and muffled chime
As we silently stood by his Bide;
But it stopp'd short never to go
again
When the old man died.
Henry C. Work.
Logical.
Two Irishmen were digging a sewer.
One of thorn was a big, strong man
about six feet four Inches in height
and the other one was a little, puny
man about four feet six inches. The
foreman came along to see how the
work was prgressing and noticed that
one of tbem was doing more work than
the other.
"Look here," be cried, "bow is It
that little Dennis Dugnn, who is only
half your size, is doing nearly twice as
much work as you, Patrick?"
Glancing down to his partner, Tat
replied :
"Aad why shouldn't be? Ain't be
nearer to it?" Philadelphia Ledger.
No Trouble.
"What is the meaning of 'alter ego'?''
asked the teacher of the beginners' class
in Latin.
"The other I," said the boy with the
curly bair.
"Give a sentence containing the
phrase."
" 'He winked his other I.' "
11 Making- it Easy tor Her.
In compliance with a pressing Invita
tion the young woman seated herself at
the piano.
"You mustn't mind ' it, Miss Pink
plank," said Mrs. Sliptung, "if the dog
begins to howl as soon as he hears you
He always acts that way when the girls
start the graphophone.
RAILWAY 8I&NAL.
Paper Torpedo Which Is Perfectly
late and Harmleaa.
It has been found that thi! majority
of .the metallic torpedoes that are
used upon , railroads for signal pur
poses are exceedingly dangerous, often
causing Injury to those who use them.
A Pittsburg inventor has devised an
entirely new composition of paper or
a soft, fibrous material, whereby the
Injury caused by metallic torpedoes le
entirely obviated and a perfectly safe
and harmless torpedo provided. This
torpedo Is made of three cup-shaped
shells, one placed Inside the other.
The two inner cases or shells consti
tute a case in which the explosive
ATTACHED TO TUB BAIL.
compound Is placed, and are composed
of paper, cloth or other similar fib
rous material, which will not, when
the torpedo Is exploded fly in a man
ner to Injure anyone who should hap-
yen near it A strap to engage with
the rail is placed around the middle
casing and the outer and holding the
strap In position. Owing to the flexi
bility of the several shells, they are
capable of being Inclosed one within
the other and thus yield sufficiently
to at the same time permit the strap
to be embraced within the casing. Tbe
position of the torpedo on the track
when being exploded is such that the
wheel of a passing train is above and
the rail below the torpedo, making it
essential that there should be an ad
ditional edge. This strengthening edge
Is effected by a ring or band, also of
soft, fibrous material, around the edge
of the torpedo, which when exploded
will not cause injury and adds to its
safety and hnrmlessness. When tbe
torpedo Is completed It is subjected to
a coating of waterproofing compound,
as are also the shells before being as
sembled. Not Playing Futures. '
"Yis, mum, Oi'll make yez as good
a cook as the nixt wan."
"I don't know anything about the
next one, but you'll have to be better
than the last one." Houston Post
Walts Up tor Him.
During a heated political discussion
among a number of men some one ex
citedly asked :
"What is a boss, anyway?"
Nobody seemed anxious to answer,
but all turned somewhat expectant eyes
toward Mr. Meeklngton, who had been
taking a leading part In the discussion.
"You'll have to excuse me," said Mr.
M., noting the expectant attitude of the
crowd. "The only boss I know is the
head of my modest household, and po
liteness to a lady prevents me from
commenting upon her characteristics."
The Winning Card.
"What are trumps in the game of life?"
I nsked of all in the busy strife.
"Hearts," said the maiden, shy and sweet,
With hnppy eyes and blushes fleet.
The society belle smiled scornfully :
"Hearts for you, but diamonds for me."
"Clubs," drawled the blase man of the
world, '
Drifting down stream with his sails all
furled.
The gravedigger laughed as he plied his
trade. . .
"Spades are the final trumps," he said.
Baltimore American.
,t ( ';. --'l. '
Beginning to Doubt.
Foreigner Your Panama canal will be
splendid gift to hand down to posterity.
American Statesman Yes; but I don't
know whether we are going to hand it
down or pass it up.