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THE VIEWPOINT OF JOKES. .
durllfth and Aneflcana Can't Seethe; Humor In ISach other'a Wll. ""Fellers been writin' to (he papers; about the difference between English and American jokes," a British visitor; remarked at the Baltimore last flight, to a man Jn the next chair. ""Duffer1 dou't know what he's talkiu' about. If lie has any regard for the reputation of American humor he'll stop writin' let ters In its defense." ;"Wby?" "Why, my dear chap, why?" he re lated. "Why? Because the American feller asks the British feller to 'ex plain' the humor of an English joke." "Well, what of that?" "Haw ! How could anybody explain an English Joke? I never, could." lie regarded his fawn spats meditatively.; "Look at 'that famous joke in Tunch. Everybody has heard that joke." v "Not I," corrected his neighbor. : "Haw ! That's your rotten bad luck, then. Chappie wrote to Tuuch au' ask ed his advice for those about to marry. Au' Punch just replied 'Dou't' Haw I bnw " His glass fell. The other uiau was regarding him with a frozen stare. -Now, that's Just It, deau boy," he argued, screwiug the monocle back into place again i "that's a rattlln' good joke, but strike me putrid If I can ex plain It. But Punch Is always makln' jokes like that. Said once that the re formed British war office was a joke. I confess, though, that I never saw that I'm In the gawds, y' know. An' those' reformin' beggars changed our mess dress uniform four times in one jear. That cost our fellers a pot of money an' we couldn't see the joke a bit." His neighbor did laugh at that. "But strike me if I can see the fun In your American jokes," the visitor went on. "Comln' here from Colorado a feller told me one. He said that an India rubber factory caught fire an' all the workmen except one escaped. He was on the top floor of a seventeen story buildin'. Couldn't get down. So be wrapped himself round an' round in rubber sheetln', yards an' yards of it, an' let himself fall out of the win dow. Feller said that the poor beggar had made himself so clastic that he lwHinced an' bounced for two days, an' was starvln' to death right thpre be fore hundreds of people. To cut short the agony a policeman used his re volver and killed him!" "Well?" laughed the oilier man. "Well?" repeated the visitor, indig nantly. "I don't see any joke in that I think that constable exceeded his duty." , , The Girl He Left Behind. There is a public library in Baltimore that has a regulation by which any menjDer wanting a particular dook which Is not "in", can. by paying a small sum, secure the next turn, and upon the book's coming in the librarian sends hiin a notification. In this con nection an attache of the library tells of an amusing incident. A member de sired a copy of a novel entitled "The Girl He Left Behind him." The boofc sot being in, ' he made the customary deposit land ;in due. course received a notification. This , the member's wife received to her alarm, at first for It read as follows : "Mr. Blank is Inform ed that 'The Girl He Left Behind Him' is now in the library and will be kept for him till Friday morning next." Success Magazine. V fCnicMNft farllaiuemary ApplutiNe, An innovation is. said to have crept Into the English House of Commons re cently, when hand-clapping, familiar the. world, over, but forbiddfn in the mother qf .Parliaments, was for the first, time heard. . The custom of the House calls for; "liefer I" Hear " as the ex pression I .of i approval, often ironical.' mea! Hear,!',' . according to learned authorities, is a modern shortening of "Hear htm!"' ttear hiin!" the regular parliamentary shout of approval down to the early part of the last century. AN ACTOR'S ADVICE. Stage Favorite Telia Hon to Beat Time and Keep Young. The way In which Henry E. Dixey preserves his youtufulness is a wonder to the profession. lis hus practically changed none in personal appearance In twenty years. "Adonis" Dlxey he was nicknamed just twenty-two years ago, when he first appeared in the title' role of the phenomenally successful piece of that name and never was the title bet ter deserved. To-day be is still the fascinating, de bonair, graceful, merry Harry, who looks 35 and Is ten years older, who has seen vast audiences rise to fron ted applause at his efforts to amuse them In one theater for three years at a time, and then has seen himself the star in another when he could not get a corporal's guard to do him honor. Nevertheless, bis eye twinkles as mer rily, his dark hair has still to find its first gray, bis face is as unwrinkled, and be is Just the same careless Prince Charming to-day as he was when he was first called "Adonis." How does be do it? How docs he manage to keep so young that DeSoto's Fountain of Youth would dry up with envy could It behold him? What woman Is there who wouldn't give her choicest possession, her dear est treasure, any'tbing or everything that she could command for the secret? Well, here it is. "Don't worry! That Is the whole se cret" says Dlxey. "Always be cheer ful and happy, for, as the slang' little boy once said, The worst is yet to come,' and no matter bow bad things look there Is always some redeeming feature of the situation if you'll only stop to think of it, and there is always some reason to laugh It you only know enough to find out what it is and then obliterate all the other phases of the situation from your mind. In fact, I think perhaps I'll have lo take back my first statement and give half the credit for my having preserved the snme ap pearance for twenty years to having the faculty of seeing the funny side of things and laughing unrestrainedly, at them. Exercise and nygienic diets are all very well in their tray, no doubt, but for nie the ability not to worry and the ability to laugh are much more de sirable. Whoever saw a man who was always laughing, with gray hair or lines of care making railroad tracks all over his countenance? And whoever saw a man who could refrain from wor rying who was not a success in what ever he undertook? Fate simply cannot keep people with those two qualities from getting the very best of every thing." During the Record Rare. The dark-goggled, leather-jacketed chauffeur lowered bis .bead like a ram and chuckled with glee. "We are now going at 100 miles an hour!" he shrieked. "Great Hercules!" gasped the novice at his side. "Isn't there a chance of an accident?" "Fear not! Don't you see tliaj we carry emergency tires?" "I I know, but I I'd feel better If we had a few emergency arms and heads along." But the chuuffeur laughed demoniac ally and turned the curve on one wheel. Bottled Wrath. "Oh, dear, the auto has broken down and we are ten miles from town." "Yes, just about ten." "Well, can't you do something? Don't you usually do something when it breaks down?' "Yes, but it handicaps a fellow when he Is accompanied by1, a lady." Hous ton Post. The Hard-Working Reformer. "Sometimes," said Uncle Eben, "it 'pears to me like a reformer was one o' deshere people dat has to talk two hours an' a half to 'spress one o' de ten commandments. An' dar warn't no dls pute 'bout dat In de firs' place."- -Washington Star. REWARDS OF THE COUNTRY. Some of Ita Advantage aa Com pared with the City. . To those who have tried the harsh experiences of the city, and In whose memories there lingers, perhaps as faint, ' Idealized pictures, some vision of the old home in the country, the cry of "Back to the farm!" represents u hope, says the Philadelphia Ledger. The tendency to rush to the city ex cites the amazement even of the one who at an earlier day bad answered the same call. The city offers to a cer tain mentality a reward more glitter ing than the country holds, a political aud social power of which the country had no knowledge. Nor does the coun try need to .regret this. It has Its own rewards and they are better than gold. Moreover, the personal failure in the city is a tragedy. Beggary haunts the crowded street. Vice beckons Into the shadows. The city toller, to rise above a dead level where his fellows abide, has to be of extraordinary force of character; In application, untiring; In deals, per haps unscrupulous, and he must be at tended by the goddess of good fortune. The usual life of the city laborer or wage earner is the barest. lie cannot save money. There are few Innocent pleasures upon which he can expend the little be, may have to spare above the price of rent and bread. Even fresh air and the clear light of the sun are luxuries denied. He may look upon splendors, but have no part in them; be aware of wealth, with small chance of attaining it. In the country there is no need to be rich in order to be Independent There is no limit to the sunlight and the pure air. There is no danger of starving. The smallest farmer, If he exercises thrift, may live on food that the poor man in the city would dream about. The funny men of the news papers Joke grimly concerning the long hours the farmer must work, although they themselves are drudges. It is only at certain seasons that he needs to work longer than the creature of wages sweating in the city, and he has the satisfaction of knowing that he is work ing for himself. No man, In city or country, lives by himself alone. Each must maintain relations toward the rest of the world. But there Is no other man. rich or poor, who Is so near ly his own master as the farmer. Sartorial Salliea. "Why is it?" asked the thin man, "that they are always spoken of as 'vested Interests?' Why not 'coated in terests?' " - "They are," replied the fat man, "but It's usually a coat of whitewash. Of course that garment excites unpleasant public discussion, so It's always cov ered with a cloak of respectability." "How about trousers?" grinned the thin man. , "No difficulty there," said the fat man qilickly. "Vested Interests never lose control of the national pantry." Judge. What Did She Meaaf A philanthropic person heard of a negro family that was reported in des titute circumstances and, calling at their home, be found the report true. The family consisted of mother, a son nearlng manhood's estate, and two young children. The benevolent old gentleman, after bearing the mother's story, gave her oldest son $1 to get a chicken for the Thanksgiving din ner, and took bis departure. No sooner was be gone than the ne gress said to her son : "Sambo, you done gib me dat dollah and go get dat chicken in de natcbral way." More Ambition. Phroogle If you want to get ahead, why don't you cut clown your personal expenses? Wrounder Because anybody can do that. I'm trying to get ahead without cutting down my personal expenses, and let me tell you, old fellow, that's some thing that requires genius. 18 CHINA DECEITFUL! It la Aaaerted She la Play Ins; aDeep I.nld Plot In Tankeedom. According to the London Times and Its Chinese correspondent, whose In genuousness is not always beyond ques tion, the visits of Chinese emissaries to this country are not friendly at all, but part of a deep-laid scheme to deceive Yankeedom into the belief that Tsi Ann and her be-braided aristocracy really admire us so much that they have come over to discover "how we became so great" for purposes of Imitation. This, It seems, is intended to lull us into n state of fancied security, says the New York Globe. In the meantime China will still further perfect her army, and when she is ready kick the foreigner, bag and baggage, out of the empire and thereafter keep him out, missionaries and all. "China is still for all purposes of civilization," says the corresiwndent, "as unregenerate as when she sent forth the Burlingame mission on a sim ilar errand forty years ago." She does not want to be reformed and will not eb If she can help it. Her only interest In the western nations is to learn their fighting methods. When she has mas tered these and is able to marshal her 250,000,000 subjects to the defense of her own ideas of government, western civilization, religion and trade pro moters will receive short shrift. "The diplomatic! success of Wu Ting Fang in the United States," says a Times leader, "who took the exact measure of the ignorance and weak nesses of Western democratic com munities and learned to play upon them with a singularly udroit and deli cate touch, have not been thrown away upon the dowager empress and her councilors." In short, the Chinese com missioners are gay deceivers, only playing with the affections of the American eagle, and they mean to wring his neck as soon as they are strong enough. Whether Great Britain Is actuated In giving us this warning by real anxiety for our welfare, or is simply jealous, her conclusions, we fear, are substan tially correct. China has long had a not unjustifiable feeling that the ce lestial empire really belongs to the Chinese, and her increasing familiari ty with the western view as to a na tion's rights In its own bailiwick will certainly not tend to disabuse her of this notion. Japan's success has shown that Asia can thrash Europe on occasion. The great Chinese Uip Van Winkle has evi dently read this moral from the Rus sian defeat, and intends to run his own establishment just as soon as the neces sary arrangements can be made. That Japan is secretly encouraging this at titude there Is every reason to believe, and, as the Times correspondent says, "It seems Inevitable that sooner or later either the trade treaties will once more have to be enforced vi et armis or the rights they confer be largely abandoned." A Secret. A man ,who had purchased a fine looking horse soon discovered that the animal was blind, and after several weeks he succeeded In disposing of her, as the defect did not seem to lessen her speed nor detract from her general appearance. The next day the new owner of the horse appeared. "Say, you know that mare you sold me?" he began. "She's stone-blind." "I know it," replied her past owner, with an easy air. "You didn't say anything to me about It," said the purchaser, his face red with anger. "Well, you see," replied the other, "that fellow who sold her to me didn't tell me about it, and I just concluded that he didn't want It known." Sorry He Spoke. "Won't you sit down, ma'am?" said the fat passenger, rising in the crowded street car. "0, no, thanks," responded the thin woman, who had been standing up fifteen minutes or more. "I couldn't think of it. Keep your seats, sir." Chicago Tribune.