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ONLY SEVEN IN A CENTURY.
BEGINNER IN THE COUNTRY. He la Advlncd to Go Slow at Flrt to Avoid a Failure. There Is no better motto for the be ginner in amateur funning or poultry raising tlnin "Go slow," snys American Homes nnd Gnrdens. The beginner In these very engrossing pursuits Is npt to proceed with a speed thut sometimes approaches that of a railroad express train. He begins by purchasing a farm. This means that In most cases he pays more for his land than It Is worth to Its preceding owner. It means, prac tically, permanently locating himself In a new and untried region, to remove from which would entail considerable expense, and which may be an opera tion he will have great dllliculty in ac complishing, especially If he must sell his property before removing from It. The next step will be the purchase of a quantity of tools and material and then, If he fancies poultry raising, a start on as large a scale as his means permit. Then the troubles begin. The min ute directions of the various books and periodicals lie has so eagerly studied are found to be dilllcult of practical application. Unforeseen circumstances arise with disheartening rapidity. The season is bad, his stock sickens and dies, he has no Idea what to do and no place where he can obtain the neces sary Information. Like the gentleman of scripture, his second state Is worse than his first, and there Is no health lu It. If he can he withdraws from the operation, a chastened nnd money less man. If he can't, his soul become! consumed with hate, liate for his land, his house, his fowls, his trees, his gar den, his fruits, his vegetables. Too late, he realizes that the more haste the less speed. The newcomer to the country must be prepared to find everything different from what one has been accustomed to In the city. It would not be the coun try were It otherwise. One moves Into the country not only for greater space, but for the complete change of life which is one of the inseparable charms of country living; Yet the difference between the two modes of life are apt 'to be very great. Wlfclj Forethought. Wife It's all right If you have fail ed. I have $1)00 saved up from money that you've given me from time to time. Husband That will be a big help. Wife Help? 1 guess it will. Why, that will just buy my winter outfit. Boston Globe. cneaT as xiua. "l was going ovei Westminster bridge the other day, and I met Patsy Hewins. 'Hewlns,' says I, 'how are ye?' 'Purty well, thank ye, Donnelly,' says he. 'Donnelly?' jays I; 'that's not my name.' 'Sure an' mine isn't Hewlns,' says he. An' bo we looked at each other again, an' It turned out to be neither of us." A Trifle Unconventional An eccen tric ' farmer was married the other night. "Do you," said the preacher, "take this woman to be your wedded wife, to love and to cherish in sickness and health, for better, for worse, fo rich or poor, until death do you part?" There was an awkward pause. , Then the bridegroom finally replied "Them's the calculations." Punctuation A high Bchool girl said to her father the other night: "I've got a sentence here I'd like you to punctuate. You know something about punctuation, don't you?" "A Ut ile," said her cautious parent. This is what he read: "A five dollar bill flew around the corner." He studied it carefully. "Well," he finally said, "I limply put a period after it, like this." "I wouldn't," said the high school girl; "I'd make a dash after It" Disappointed. "I would like you to meet my young friend, Mr. Googerly." "I would love to meet him." "He would make you a husband of whom you need never be Jealous." "Gracious, la he that ugly." Houston Globe. Umbrella Improvement Have Not Been Frequently Patented. Up to a few years ago, It Is said, by the American Inventor, only seven pat ents on umbrellas had been Issued In the United States In one hundred years. The ribs and stem of an umbrella are generally made In factories having a specialty of these Items and are sent thence to the real manufacturer. Here first the man whose work It Is to as semble the parts Inserts a bit of wire Into the small holes at the end of the ribs, draws them together about the main rod and puts on the ferrule. In cutting the cloth seventy-five thicknesses or thereabouts are arrang ed upon a splitting table, at which skilled operators work. In another rooms are a number of girls who op erate hemming machines. A thousand yards of hemmed goods Is but a day's work for one of these girls. The ma chines at which they work have a speed of 3,000 revolutions a minute. After hemming the -loth is cut Into triangular pieces with a knife as be fore, but with a pattern laid upon It The next operation is the sewing of the triangular pieces together by ma chinery. The covers and the frames are now ready to be brought together. In all there are twenty-one places where the cover Is attached to the frame lu the average umbrella. The handle Is next glued on and the umbrella' Is ready for pressing and Inspection. The development of the umbrella has been rapid in the last few years. We pick up even a cheap one nowa days, press a button nnd the top spreads Itself like an eagle ready for Its flight. We are going away and an ordinary umbrella is too long to put In our grip. We find among our as sortment one that is meant for Just such an emergency, and which, in most ac commodating manner, folds up to suit the size of our traveling bag. Other new ones lock with a key. Some spread their shade over eight or nine feet of territory, and manufacturers aver that these are but a few of the Improvements which we may expect. fie Waited. "Supposing you wn'.t hero lu this comfortable seat by the elevator while I match these two sam ples of ribbon," said Mrs. Mayfalr sweetly to her husband, who had beon entrapped Into going shopping with her. When she came back she said contritely: "Have I kept you waiting an unpaxdonably long time, you poor dear?" "Oh, I haven't minded It" he said, cheerfully. "I just jumped on a car and ran out to the league grounds and saw most of the ball game, and then I took a little spin In the park with Dorton In his new auto. Did you match the samples?" "One of them. It's so provoking. I'll have to come In again to-morrow, for they are closing the store now." Hard on Norah. Scene: The Wilsons' dining room. Norah, the slovenly cook, puts her head in at the door. Norah Flaze, ma'am, will ye be, afther tellin' me whin I'm to know whether th' puddin's baked or not? Mrs. Wilson Stick a knife Into t).a middle of It and If the knife comes out clean the pudding is ready to send tu the table. Mr. Wilson, And, Norah, If It s come out clean stick all the if the knives in the house into the piling. Woman's Home Companion Be Not Rash. - One need not thrust bis hand into a raging furnace even thmisli !:a knows that a precious jewel lies therein. He may be patient until the flames are spent From "The Bishop's Niece," by George H. Plcard. Every bahli.ftded man secretly en vies a pocUe A Chicago cereal food company recently ordered fifty tons of Ink for use in print ing their packages. Appetite Decides. Teaclier: Can you tall me the difference between "like" and "love?" Small Boy: Yes, ma'am. I like my father and mother, but I love pie. ' The Ruling Passion. "Yes, 1 quar reled with my wife about nothing." "Why didn't you mnke up?" "I'm go ing to. All I'm worried about now la the indemnity." Queer Charge! "You are charged," said the policeman, "with having voted twice." "Charged, aml?" mut tered the prisoner. "That's odd. I expected to be paid for it" Clean Banisters. Mistress: Mary, these banisters always seem dusty. I was at Mrs. Johnson's to-day, and hers are as bright and smooth as glass. Mary: She has three small boys, mum. Seeing the Metropolis Stephen Ruralborn: Father, tlint tall structure Is the famous "flat-Iron" building. Hiram Ruralborn: Well, well! thet's where they make the flat-irons fer the hull world. He Proved It. Lady in party lng stone, quarry): And which is th foreman?" Casey proudly) Oi au Lady Really? Casey 01 kin prove ut. (Calls to laborer). "ICelly. Kelly yer folred!" Pretty Lucky Friend of the Fam ily: You are very lucky, my boy, to be the seventh son. It will bring you everlasting fortune. Son No. 7: It hasn't so far. All lfs brought yet is the old clothes of my six brothers. "Do you think that the automobile will displace the horse?" asked the conversational young woman. "It will," answered the nervous younii man as he gazed down the road, "If It ever hits him." Washington Star. A Rehearsal. "Elsie!" exclaimed the girl's mother, "why are you shout ing In that horrible fashion? Why can't you be quiet, like Willie?" "He's got to be quiet, the way we're plnyln'," replied Elsie. "He's papa coming home late, and I'm you." Careful. Philip had gone to bring in the new kittens to' show them to a visitor. His mother, hearing a shrill mewing, called out, "Don't hurt the kittens, Philip!" From the hall came the reassuring answer,' "Oh, no. I'm carrying them very carefully by the stems." Absent-minded "Talk about absent mindedness! Jenkins is the most absent-minded man I know." "What's he done now?" "Why, he wrote the combination of the safe on a piece of paper to keep from forgetting it, and then locked the paper in the safe to keep from losing it." Contrary Counsel. The church was packed, even the aisles lined with chairs. Just before the benediction the thoughtful clergyman, who loved order, thus admonished bis hearers: "In passing out please remain seated until the ushers have removed th chairs from the aisles." Fully Explained. Teasing' Friend: "What makes that new baby at your home cry so much, Tommy? Tommy (indignantly) It don't cry so very much; and anyway, If all your teeth were out, and your hair off. and your legs so weak you couldn't stand on them, I guess you'd feel like crying yourself." "I wish to adopt a child," said the wealthy woman In the orphan asylum, "what have you?" "Oh, we have them In all shades," replied the polite lady superintendent, "which do you pre. fer?" "I think a blonde child will be most appropriate," answered the wealthy woman, "my auto is finished In bra" Puc. The Old Story. "But papa, he says, he can't live without me." "Give us a new one; I told that same story to ycur motherl" The Automobile Fright Sidney Why don't you talk as we ride? Rodney--Well! I can't think with my hair standing on end. No Escape. Bell Boy (outside of room 55) Say, the gas is escaping In there. Countryman (inside of room 55) No, it ain't; I locked the door. A Vacuum. A pupil in a Lynn (Mass.) school was asked by his teacher to give the definition of a vacuum "I can't just describe it" said he, "but I have it in my head." Wanted a Circus. The Chlld-Aro you the trained nurse mamma said was coming? The Nurse Yes, dear; I'm the trained nurse. The Child Let's see some of your tricks. Those Foreigners. Doctor (after careful examination) Some foreign substance is lodged In your eye. Deu nis Oi knowed ut! Thot's what 0 git f'r wurrukin' wid them Dagoes! She Whistles. An Irishman asked a Scotchman one day why a railway engine was called "she." Sandy re plied: "Perhaps It's on account of the horrible noise It makes when it tries to whistle." "There She Blows!" On the voyage a school of whales was sighted, and the millionaire plumber rubbed Ms hands In ecstasy, "wiiy is he so happy?" asked a passenger. "Because," whispered the captain, "he imagines each spout is a bursted water-pipe, to be repalreC t regular rates." What He Hurt. A well-known judge fell down a flight of stairs, re cording his passage by a bump on e1 ery step until he reached the bot tom A servant ran to his assistance, nnd, raising him up, said: "I hope your honor is not hurt?" "No," said the judge, sternly, "my honor Is not hurt, but my head Is." Not wonderful ! He pointed out to a newly arrived Paddy the grandeur of tLo Niagara, with the words, "There, nowl Isn't it wonderful?" "Wonther ful!" repliedPat; "what's wontherful?" "Why, to see all that water, come thundering over those rocks!" "01 can't see anything wontherful In that what is there to hinder it from coin ing over?" CoaJs to Newcastle. Wife What is meant, John, by the phrase, 'carrying coals to Newcastle?' Husband It is a metaphor, my dear, showing the do in? of something that Is unnecessary. Wife I don't exactly understand. Give me an illustration a familiar one. Husband Well, if I were to bring you home a book entitled, 'How to Talk,' that would be carrying coals to New castle. The Way out of It When preaching fcr a public charity, a note was hand- I ed up to the clergyman, asking If it would be right for a bankrupt to con tribute. Having answered that such ' contribution would be robbery, the ' -penker added: "And, my brethren, I I would most strongly advise you, who are not Insolvent, to contribute this r.oming, since, If you are seen to pass the plate, your neighbors will be sure to say, 'That's he! That's the bank rupt!' " His Guide. . "Why Is it that the performance of sc very few musicians please you?" "Well," answered Mr. Cumrox, "to I tell you the truth, I don't know much , about It. I am merely going by what i the musicians say of one another." Washington Star. , , t Manchuria's climate corresponds to that of Canada ; Its size is six times that of England and Wales ; its population 20,000,000.