VOLUME I. FLORENCE, PINAL COUNTY, ARIZONA TERRITORY, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1881, NUMBER 40. PROFESSIONAL. Kiivvf a. howakd. marcts p. hatke. HOWARD & HAYNE, Attorneys and counselors at law, cornkr Sixth and Fremont streets. Tombstone, A. T. A. H. PARKER, MlNJJia INGINEKR AND V. 8. DEPl'TY M1KKRAL Surveyor. Oilir in San Francisco Jewelry Store, No. 4.S0 Allen streot, south niile, bt tweeu l'tmrth anil Fifth stn 9 , Tomlwtone, A. T. JOUX U. Mil LAP. J. H. LUCAS. LUCAS & MILLER, ArrORXITS A1C1I COUNSELORS AT LAW, OPTIC, rooms 5 and 7 Gird building, corner of 1" runout and Fonrth, Tomb-tour. A. T. Unf H. DAVIS. GEO. B. WILLIAMS. WILLIAMS A DAVIS, AtTOU-NIYH AT LAW. GIRD'S Nrw Bl'ILMMO, oernsr of Fourth and Fremont sta. , Tombstone, A. T. WELLS SPICER, ATTORKKT AND ConNsILOB AT LAW, 113 riFTH rtmt, Tombstone, C'achise Co., A. T. Aim Kotary Iublic; t;. S. C'onuuiii"H,r of Ie4a lor California. J. G. PARKE, ClTTL SSrilNMR AND 0. S. MINERAL M'RVEYOR Purveying done in all iU branches. Office, Tremoot (treat, TombsUsis, Arizona. 6. T. HENDERSON, Physician and bubo eon. ottick, 60 nue haoit straet. Tombstone, Arizona. A. 0. WALLACE, Jnsrtca or the peace, fourth street, tar dvor below Fremont, Tombstone, A. T. K)HN M. MURPHY Attorney at law, aoou 28, brown's hotel Tombetoas, Arizona. L F. BLACKBURN, DtrvTT aiiFRirr and avd collector. ornc with A. T. Jones, ofrioe lluaclma Lumber Co.. Fourth street, below Fremont. All official business promptly attended to. Collections a specialty. J. r. HUTTON, Attornet at law. omc ox nrru street, baeweeu Fremont and Allen, Tombstone, Ari asna. G. C G00DFELL0W, M. D. Omci in tickers svildi.no, frxmont street. Tombstone, A. T. P. T. COLBY, Attorney at law. will practice in all ta oourts of the Territory. Ottioe in Gird's bofldrnK, itims 11 and 12, ooruer of Fourth and r remont streets, 'I"mhtne, A. 1. (VUBD HaYMOND, W.-iaiuouto City. A. M. Walker, lolilbstoue. WALKER & HAYMOND, Attorneys at law. promt attention 6iv a to all business iutnwted to them. C'-olUo- ttons made a sperinlty. A. M. n Hiker Com' sniawutr or ieei Tor ir.e rta oi .-sevaim. A. J. FELTER, JPHTlCK OP THE PEACF, SoTaRT Pl'BLlC AND Saal Estate Aireut. trtlios on rrvtuont street, between Fourth aad Filth, TojulxW", A. T. PR. R. H. MATTHEWS, FHTAICIAS AND BURlKOW, TOMBSTONE, AIUKZO M. Otfioe with W. Street, Fourth street, near Aflen. a O'slBLTINKT. O. 0. TOASTUM. O'MELVENY k TRANTUM, Attorneys at law. rooms 3 and 4 gird's boflding, corner Fourth and Fremont streets, Tarobstone, A. T. S. M. ASHENFELTER, Attorney at law, clipton, a. t. prompt Mention (riven to any business entrusted to mv MILTON B. CLAPP,- notab y public, co n v e y a n c e r AND PIKE INSURANCE AGENTS. OfSoe at Saflorrl, Hudson & Co. 'a Bank, Tombstone, A. T. Thomu Wallace, Mt.lINO broker, real estate agent and CooTeraneer. Allen street, Toniltstone. Bodman SI. Price, Jr.. Cmt ENGINEER AND IT. R. DEPUTY MINERAL Surveyor. Otfioe Voisard building-, Allen street. Tombstone, A. T. Java. G. .H rward, (Late of 1 ot Angeles.) Attohnet at law. at prkkent at the op- torn of J. W. Httunp. Tombstone, A. 1 . W. A. Ilaj-wood, Notary pcblic, cohner pophth and pre saont streets. Tombstone, A. T. T. J. Drum, Attorney at law. oppicb in ticker's building, 431 Fremont street, Tombstone, A. T. E. P, Voisard, AMAYPK AND NOTARY PUBLIC, ALLEN STREET, Tombstone, A. T. Charles) Ackley, OmLENSINEER AND DEPUTY 1!. 8. MINERAL Surreyor, Tombstone. A. T. Office on r"re mont street, between sixth and Seventh. J. V. Vicker, REAL ESTATE AGENT, AUCTIONEER, CONTEY- arvl M inintt Uiwrator. r remout street. Fifth, Tombstone, A. T. A. G. Lowery, ATTomiEY AT LAW, PKEMONT STREET, BETWEEN lourth and Fifth, Tombstone, A. T. Will practioe in all courts. Agent or mining prop arty. Conveyancing and collecting promptly attended to. Keft;rnees yiven. r. U. aMITlL 0. W. BFAULDINO. Eavrl, Smith & Spaulding, ATTORNETB AND COl'NKELORS AT LAW. OPriCE la Drake's block on Pennington street, Tucsou, Ariuma Territory. John Roman, ATTORJCET AT LAW, TPCSON, ARIZONA. Webb Street, Attorney at law, 113 fourth stritet, tom- , Arizona. J. W. Stump, Attorney and cocnhei.or at law, roouh ? and 4, Kpitupli' Building, Fremont street, Tembstone, A. T. Will practice in all tlie oourta of the Territory, and attend to business before the Department at Washington, D. C. Bpedol attenUon given to U. S. patent and pensltm business. Dr. GilUngbjun, Dr. ciLi.moHAM (late op tikginia oty) is now associated, in the jirnctice of Medicine and Surgery, with Dr. liildersleeve. UlKce, Epitaph buildiiiK, Tombstone, A T. Dr. P. HeUer, r!(TR0R)V AND PIITMKTIAN. OI TICF ON PIPT tree, below Allen, Tombstone. A. T. O.'BUCKALEW. BUCKALEW & Florence ; Pinal Gaunty, At T, Silver King, Pinal County A T, Cssa Grande, Pinal County, A, r. Globe, Gila County, A. 2 A Full Stock of Dry Goods BOOTS, AND SHOES, HATS AXD CAPS, CLOTHING, FANCY GOODS, EOISERY, AND MIXING SUPPLIES, HARDWARE, GROCERIES, LIQUORS, TOBACCO AND CIGARS. ALSO FLOUR, GRAIN, . LUMBER, AGENTS FOR FALK'S MILWAUKEE EXPORT BEER. ETC., SILVER .5 v - BOOTS. SHOES, HATS, CAPS, Groceries, Liquors, Cigars and Tobacco, orXin, FLOUR, MINING SUPPLIES, Etc. The GLOBE-STORE Plats, Caps, Mining Supplies, FLOUR AND GRAIN, IN FACT AT CASA GRANDE WE ARE DOING A Groceries, Provisions, Grain, Flour, Produce, Genfs Furnishing Coods, Etc.1 Prompt Attention Given to Goods Consigned to our Care WE FOB ID H! ZLHrVTE -RZ- Mark Goods "Care of B. & O. Casa GENERAL -WHX ALWAYS BB POt'KD KING KEEPS CONSTANTLY OJH IIAXD A TVLL LIKE OF KETER TAIIJ! TO HAVE A OOOD STOCK OF Hardware, "Wagon Material, ' Groceries of Every Description, TO SUPPLY TIIE WANTS OF THEPE0PLE IS0UR GREATEST AIM Nr r--v- $Jr "V ' V 0 TJ W ir 'V' & OT" BEING ALWAYS SUPPLIED WITH AHE always prepared to contra gt OF MACHIlTEEir OIR JTSr FEEIO-HT TO ANY POINT IN THE TERRITORY. JOSEM.OCHOA. OCHOA, smw ,fw -T4 rfli -J V-ssil y-y m$ STORE S 3 Grande, A. T. THE OLD BBOW.Y SCHOOL 1T0USE. BI TTJK BEV. D WIGHT WILLI AME. In mfruory'B hall hsnss the pictnas. And yearu of pad care are between ; It haiigB witli a beautiful gilding, And well do t love it, I ween. "' It stood on a bleak conntry comer. But boyhood's youiiR heart made it warm ; It plowed m the sunshine of summer; Twaa cheerful in winter and storm. 0, pay were the sports of the noontide. When winter winds frolicked with snow; Ve laughed at the freaks cf the storm-king And shouled him on, all aglow. We dashed at his beaut iiul sculpture, Rc Bardies of all its ari-ay; We plunged in tlie feathery snow-drift, And aborted the winter away. We at on the nld-faph toned benches, Beguiled with our pencil and slate; We thoufihtof the opening future. And dreamed of our manhood's estate. O, days of my boyhood, 1 blews ye, While looking from 1 te's buy prime; The treasures are lingLrirg with me I gathered in life's eai iy time. O, still to that b'eak country corner Turns my heart, in wcarineps yet, Where, leading my gentle young 'slaters. With youthful companions I met. 1 cast a fond glance o'er the me&dow ; The hi! Is just behind it I see; Away lit the charm i f the distant? Old fcehoo;hoU5et a bleeding on thoo I Ohe Debt's Payment. It was the dusk of evening, and night's shadows were quickly gathering in the little German vulage through whose outskirts two lovors fctrolleJ. They had loft behind them the cot tages, and had. wandered off among the green fields and under the shade of the trees, behind vhich the sun had al most sunk to rest. It was an old story, the story of their loving. They had been betrothed since the girl was 1-4. It was well-nih five years now, and on her 19Lh birthday they were to be married. She was an orphan, and her snug dowry, lying eo. safely nestled away in the village bank, she had accumulated by the labor of her own hands. But a shade was on her lover's face .to-night, and even in the shadow her quick eye discerned it. " Sing to me, Hans," she whispered, knowing that in song Hans Werter for got all else. After a moment's silence, he obeyed her, and tlie sleepy birds woke in their Bests and almost indignantly drew their heads from beneath the soft shelter of their wing, to listen to this strange, won derful rival to the sweetness of their notes. The air was tilled with the ex quisite melody. It rang full and clear and sweet. It sank down to the violets, as they stirred in the listening wind, then soared to the stars. Poor little Marguerite ! Hans' music always brought the moisture to her blue eyes, bnt to-night it seemed filled with something she had never heard before, and her little hands were tigbuy inter laced, and her red lips parted in a sort of painful ecstasy. But at the close she was all unpre pared to pee him end the last note in a dry sob, theu fling himself down on the swum and bury his face in bis hands. "Hans, what is it?" she cried, sink ing herself down beside him, and trying to raise his head upon her breast. Was he weeping ? She had never ii a!! these vears seen him thus mt.ved His powerful frame eeemed shaken to iti innermost center by the torrent of emo tion that Bwept over it. Almost rndely, in his unconsciousness to all but his own suffering, he repulsed her, only the next moment to be filled with remorse. Conquering himself by a mighty ef fort, he drew her to him with gentle for;e. "Forgive me, dear," he said, softly, " but never ask me to sing again, Mar guerite. It only teaches me what I might have been, and hat I am. Think what it would be if I had the money to reach Italy ! I could have the world at my feet, Marguerite I could be great, and famous. I know it I feel it. Bat I am chained here, tending my herds and feeding my cattle, powerless to break the chains. I need so much money so much aud I have so little. Though I sold all I have in the world, it would not bring me to my journey's end. No, no 1 I muRt give it all up ; but never never aitk me to sing again." The girl answered him nothing, as 6he stroked the hot brow with the little, cool hand, which, all browned aud hard ened as it was, fell very softly, very lov incrly. In her eyes he was a King, this shep herd lad. Instinctively she kuew that silence is oftentimes more healing than npeech ; and, beside, a wonderful, daz zling thought had crept into her own busy brain, and driven all lighter thought away. Still silently they rose, and walked silently home. At the door of her little cottage, he stooped and kissed her on the brow, as they stood beneath the stars. In two more months he was to share her cottage the home left her by her dead parents so they both had thought scarce an hour agone. To-night, Mar guerite knew difft rently. How much would it bring, the sale of this humble little she ter ? It was this problem which banished slumber through the long night hours. It was solved three days later, when the sum for its possession by strangers lay in her hands, and, added to it tho nest egg from the bank, made in the child's eyes a fortune. What mattered it that she was beg gared ? It was for Hans' sake ! It was now her turn to be silent, as, hand-in-hand, they walked beneath the gold studded sky. She felt, for the fir t time, timid, al most afraid, in his presence. That she had performed an act of almost heroism, she never dreamed. He was a hero ; she was but a little, humble maiden, whose proudest duty was to serve him. " Hans," she said at last, very softly, " I have been thinking, dear, since the other night, and and, Hans, we won't be married yet awhile. A wife would only pull you down, instead of helping you soar to the birds, where you belong. I don't want you to think of me. I want you to go away and study to bo a great singer" In the gloom, the man could see the pallor on the speaker's face, as it grew reflected on his own. "Are you mad. Marguerite?" he ques tioned, at last. "I've crushed the dream, child! Don't float it again before my fancy." " You couldn't crush it, Hans, for it is no dream, but a very part of yourself, and that is the highest, noblest part ! Nor is it madness, Hans. See here !" and she unloosed the f-trinsr of a l.ttle bag she held tightly clutched in her trembling bauds, and showed to his daz zled eyes the glittering gold pieces lying on a snug little pile of notes. "It's enough, Hans !" she sa'd, in answer to his gaze of utter bewilderment. " It's more than what I heard you once say would let yon be tua;ht for a whole yar.- And it's yours, Han? all yours." And, as she spoke, she strove to thrust the bag within his grasp. " Marguerite !" she shrank from the sternness of his tomi "how did you get the gold?" " Houestly 1" she answered, proudly. " The gold was to have been my dowry ; the notes I I sold the cottage for those." " You did this for me, and yon think so meanly of me aa that I would accept such a sacrifice ?" His voice quivered as he spoke, f "Hans, I was to have been your wife," she whispered. " Who had the right, if not I ? Oh, I shall be so proud so proud, some day, when you come back for your little Marguerite and I shall be tue wife of the great singer 1 The will point at me and say, ' Yes, he married this little nobody, this little Marguer ite, but they say he loves her,' and they will think it strange that you should love me from your great height. But you won't forget to do that, Hans ever, ever will you, my love ?" "Never, until my voice forgets its music. I would pray God to still it for ever, could my heart prove so false. Something within me, Marguerite, con quers myself. It is hope springing within my breast. - I will take your money, little one, a sacred debt. Wait for me two years, fraulein. Then I will return to give you richest payment. I swear it, and I seal it with this kiss." Hans had gone, and Marguerite was left alone. She lived now in one little room, high up many stairs up which she toiled wearily mjthe evening's gloom. There were no more restful walks under the 'stars now. She might have had lovers, like other girls ; but no Hans must find her without reproach on his return. All day she had to labor from early dawn, even for the humble shelter now hers. ' Sometimes 6he was hungry, sometimes cold, but all mattered not to her. It was for Hans sake. The winter's icy breath but hastened the spring's blosaoms, and their first fragrance would herald the incoming summer, which would make the year complete since Hans had left, and then there would only be another year to wait. At long distances apart, letters came. Oh, how eagerly Marguerite spelled them out I She slept with them under her pillow by night, and they sank and fell with every pulsation of her heart by day. Labor grew light. She even for got her loneliness, for they told her that step by step Hans was nearing his goal. Then there were weeks aye, months when she heard nothing, and the child's figure grew thin and her cheeks pale, while every night she would run breathlessly up to her room, only to find the table vacant and that the poBt- man had had no errand lor her. But one evening, when she had al most given np hope when the great dread lest Hans should be ill, ovine or dead remorselessly shadowed her path way the silent messenger smiled her a welcome. She burst into a passion cf tears ere she broke the soaL It seemed as though the joy must kill her. But at last she unfolded the sheet, when southing white and fluttering fell to the ground. She stooped to pick it up. ' What did it mean? It was a little slip, with some figures in one corner. They represented the exact amount she had given Hans. Bewildered, she turned to the letter. Its hrst words explained : I pay oq my debt. Think, my little love, ht it cost us, yet I earned it earned it, Margui rite, on tiie very night of my dflnd. I have song, and people have listened.' I looked about among alt the faces on all the young and beautiful women, with their eyes fixed upon me but nothing inspired me. Then I thought of yon, and, looking straight into space. I forget them all. darling. There was nr sweet, pale face floating in the air, your bine eyes looking, not as theirs looked, but down iuto my soul, and I sang to yon, darling to yon. The flowers rained at my feet. Great ladies tore the roses from their breasts ; but I would have given them all, darling, for one little tiij blo-som your hand had plucked. They say I will be ri 'b and famous. I eannot toil the world is fickle. The village banker will aamIi vour order. But von ned not buv b ck the little home. I am coming for yon -ooo, to bring you to a cage better worthy my mountain-bird. Again and again Marguerite read and reread the precious words. What cared s e for the money? It had made Hans great. " Going back to your native village vou. who have the world at your feet ! lighed one of Florence's most famous beauties, as she looked into the. young singer's eyes. Six mouths had passed since he had paid his debt to Marguerite, and still he lingered. He had spent thrice the amount since then on. a trinket to clasp some fair lady's arm. Did he, in hold ing it so lightly, forget that once it had lieen a girl's all? Why, then, did the -uh the lady uttered find a response in his own breast ? " It is duty which calls me." "Duty 1" she murmured. " Are you mre it is not mistaken duty? Ail vour life has changed, Herr Werter. H, in its early time, you pledged it to some rustic maiden, think could she fill its measure now ? The beauty's voice trembled. The cool softness of her flesh pressed lightly against Iris burning palm. "And if I give her up," he said, " what then ? You will be mine ? " But the "Yes" she uttered was hushed by the madness of his ki-ses. And Marguerite watched and waited. He was coming, therefore he did not write. " He is great now. Marguerite ; he has forgotten you, tue gossips said, vhile she turned her back upon them. in the hottest wrath her gentle spirit had river known, that they dared thus ma lion him. It was the second anniversary of the day whi'.'h was to have celebrated her wedding, when they burst into her ro m. " Ha, ha ! " they said, " did we not ell you so? pointing, as they spoke, to the paragraph in the paper, which .-..nuonnced tho betrothal of Herr Werter and the greatest beauty in all Florence. " Leave me," she said at last, when they looked to see what she would do. " I wish to be alone." But one of kinder heart, after some hours had passed, stole back into the darkened room. The child lay tossing in d3lirious fe ver, and the physician, when called, shook his head. Tlie strain h"wi been too grett, he said. She must die ! On the third day after, as the watchers sat about the bed, a step sounded on the .stairs. A man, stained with the dust of travel, burst impetuously into the room. " Marguerite !" he exclaimed "Mar guerite !" Then he stopped and gath ered the import of the scene before him. " I did but falter," he cried, falling on his knees beside her bedside. " I cume back, my wild German daisy, to tell you so. Oh ! Marguerite, is it thus I pay my debt? Then, as though that voice must pene trate even the ni.Vs of fever, tLe blue eyea opened, a wonderful ecstatic light in their depths. "Hans, she whispered "iiansl Forgive me for the doubt which killed e!" And with the words a dagger-thrust in his own remorsrf ul heart the spark of life flickered and went out. Marguerite was dead. She who had lived for him died for him. They found the paper he had sent her among his letters. Thus had he redeemed his debt ! An empty slip of paper, worthless to all, to return to him, but bearing' the interest of a broken heart. Girl Life in India. On the day of her marriage she is put into a palanquin, shut up tight, and car ried to her husband's house. Hitherto she has been the spoiled pet of her mother; now she is to be the little slave of her mother-in-law, npon whom she is to wait, whose commands she is implicitly to obey, and who teaches her what she is to do to please her husband f what dishes he likes best and how ok them. If "j" mother-iii-law is le will let the "url go home occasionally to visit her mother. Of her husband she sees little or noth ing, bhe is of no more account to him than a little cat or dog would be. There is seldom or never any love between them, and, no matter how cruelly she may be treated, she can never complain to her husband of anything his mother may do, for he would never take his wife's part. Her husband sends to her daily the portion of food that is to be cooked for her, himself and the chil dren. When it is prepared she places it all on one large brass platter, and it is sent to her husband's room. He eais what he wishes, and then the plat ter is sent back, with what is left, for her and the children. They sit together on the ground and eat the remainder, having neither knives, forks nor spoons. Wlale she is young sue is never allowed to go anywhere. The lit tie girls are married even as young as 3 years of age, and, should the boy to whom such a child is mar ried die the next day, she is called a widow, and is from henceforth doomed to perpetual widowhood ; she can never marry again. As a widow she must never wear any jewelry, never dress her hair, never sleep on a bed, nothing bnt a piece of matting spread on the hard orick floor, aud sometimes, in fact, not even that bttwten her and the cold oricks, and, no matier how cold the night may be, she mtut have no other covering than the thin garment she has worn in the day. She must eat but one meal of food a day, and that of the coarsest kind, and once in two weeks she must fast for 4,4'enty-four hours. Then not a bit of ood, not a drop of water or medicine must pass her lips, not even if she were dying. She must never sit down or speak in the presence of her mother-in-,aw, unless they command her to do so. Her food must be cooked and eaten apart Irom the other women's. Sue is a dis graced, a degraded woman. She may ever even look on at any of the mar riage ceremonies or festivals. It would oe an evil omen for her to do so. She may have bet n a high caste Brahminic 'Usui ; but, on her becoming a widow, any, even the lowest servant, may order uer to do what they do not like to do. No woman in the house must ever speak one word of love or pity to her, for it is supposed that if a woman shows the slightest commiseration to a widow she will immediately become one herself. I saw an account a short time ago in an English paper that they had beeu trying to take the census of the popula tion lately in India, and, as fur as ttiey ii ad gone, they found that there were ' 80,U00 widows under 6 years of age !" Can you imagine the amount of suffer ing that little sentence tells of and fore tells? Congregativnalist. Jenny LIud. "Where is Jenny Lind now?" inquired a reporter of P. T. Barnum. "Jenny Lind, or Mrs. Goldschmidt, is living in London, near the Buckingh m Palace, at a place called Pindico. Wi 6j I was last in London I met her daugl te. at a photographer's the royal photogra pher'sand she insisted upon my seeing her mother. So I went to see her, and had a very pleasant visit Her marrii ge was rather romantic. Goldschmidt is a Jew. They studied music together. When she came to America she sent inr him to come as a pianist, and he used play at her concerts. "It was her own arrangement, and she paid his salary herself. She thought he was a grand musician, and used al ways to get into one of the private boxes and applaud his pieces. Though she was older than . he, she loved him, auu was bound to marry him. He renounced his religion in order to be her husband. I guess he thought it was a comfortable place. She must be worth $1,1)00,000. There was a joke about it at the time. The question was, 'Why did he niai'ry Jeuny Lind?' and the it ply, 'Because he was gold sruit.' " - Tlie Pentateuch. Pentateuch is the collective name of tho first five books of the Old Testa ment. For centuries the Pentateuch was generally received, in the church, as written by Moses. Differences in style and apparent repetitions to lj found in different parts of Genesis and the first chapters of Exodus led emi nent critics to suppose that, in tlie com pilation of the book, written documents of an earlier date had been made use of. The Mosaic authorship of the Penta teuch is defended by many theologians, who hold that any other supposition is inconsistent with the plenary inspiration of the Bible. But some of these writers admit that, beside the account of the death and burial of Moses, some words and sentences may have been interpo lated at a later period. Other theologi ans hold that the documentary theory is inconsistent with the divine authority and inspiration of the writings attrib uted to Moses. Briglit'8 Disease and Ice AYatcr. The idea has been advanced that Bright's disease is attributable to the immoderate use of ice water and cold drinks, tho fact being cited that tlie people of this country use 90 per cent, more ice in drinks than the people of any other country the inhabitants of Greenland not excepted and that we have 75 per ceut. more of Blight's dis ease. The wine-drinking countries of Europe are said to be comparatively free from the cinlndy. while in America the progress of tiie disease, it is asserted, has kept pace with the increased con sumption of ice. "I don't so much mind," said Mr HeDpeck, "I don't so much mind a woman's having a mind of her own, 'ex cent tltut in EHli a nn. 1 1 i . t ----- w-.... - ' ut'inmv ; takes charg- of li-r husband's also.'" " PITH A5U P0IXT. Tsk miser's little joke Don't give it away. A soft answer--What will yoti'have' for breakfast? Mush, The hardest road to travel' for a Eus-" sian Czar is the shell road. "What a beautiful thing, my dear, is' a rosy cheek." "Yes,- husband, but how great the contrast when the blush' settles on the nose 1" "Are yon mate of this ship?" said a' newly-arrived passenger' to the cook. "No, sir ; lam the man that' Cooks the' mate I said the Hibernian.' " Marie 1 what's that strange noise at" the gate?" "Cats, sir." "Cats! Well, when I was young cats didut wear stove-' pipe hats and smoke cigars." " Times' are changed, sir." A cHciibH deacon at Tarry town, If. Y.,- -snored so loudly that the sermon had to' stop until he could be awakened. When' aroused he jumped upandsaid : "I vote' aye ! " The ayes had it,- " How 18 your wife, Vr. Sruith ?" Saya1 S?uith, jiointiu-' to whore his wite sat in the neit room 'it .ork upca his ooat. " She's sew-Bew." Mr.-. Jones. "Oh, I, see ; she is mending, sure enough 1" Lotus A. Godkv, of Cocfc.yV Lady's Book, left an estate inventoried at 8221,854. As a distmguiohed French-' man said, " Jjet me publish the fashion of a nation, and I care not who losca money by publishing its classics." It is well known that certain fowls fi'l' their digestive apparatus with gravel and pebbles, which act as niiii.-ttones to grind up their food. Human beings should act ou this suggestion, and before dining at a Western reHtuurant swallow a sausage' cutter. Philacli Iphid Neiett. " Where would we be without worn'' en?" asks an Ottuinwa man. It is hard to determine just which Way the majori ty would drift, but some men we know, of would be out of debt and Out of trouble, and a good many more oui at the seat of their breeches. That jolly old' sea-dog, the Secretary of the Navv, rushed into Congress one day with a demand for an appropriation' for sinking artesian wells on ship-board. He explained that it was about lime our navy was supplied with pure, fresh water at all times. He was removed by force. San Francisco Post A QtjAKEit maiden of 60 accepted an' offer from a Presbyterian elder, and, being remonstrated with by a delegation of friends appointed to wait upon her for marrying out of the meeting,' she re plied : " Look here 1 I've been waitings just sixty years for tlie meeting to marry me ; and, if the meeting don't want me to marry out of it, why don't the meet-" ing bring along its young men ?'' The: delegation depaited in silence. "I cannot pay you this morning," said the customer to the milkman,' " you'll have to chalk it down." " Chalk it down?" stammered the milkman. " Yes, chalk it down. Why, you look as if you didn't know what a'pieee of chalk was." The milkman blushed,' and, picking up his cans, sadly took his whey from the door, pondering on the uncertainty of humanity. SoineniUe Journal. .--v-;. - M Hast thou no ffte'ing . ' - - To si-e me kneeing," J '-lv-3tty love rove&Liug . : - - u Xfaj alter aaj 7" Cj a SUE.' ' -. f;-V "Yes, I havefee'ing j o see you sues lug, Yonr ba'.d head revealing.' f TaKeitswsy." THE was a bright yonngter nauted Jack Im his dssr mother chitr plac-Ail a tsck ; Khs arose with s u Yip I ' Then KrabUid the youij; ch!p An4 warnted him down una. r his back." Derrick. A man from one of the mral districts' went to Washington to see the sights. A member of the House, whose con stituent he wus.'said, " Come up to-morrow, aud I will give you a seat on the floor of the House." " No, yon don't," answered Jonathan ; " I always manage to have a cheer to sit cu at home, and I don't coiae to Washington to sit on the floor !" A Galveston school- teacher asked a new boy: "If a carpenter wants t, cover a roof fifteen feet wide by thirty broad with shingles five feet broad by twelve long, how many bhingles will his need T' The boy took up his hat anil slid for the door. " Where are you go. ing?" asked the teacher. "To find a carpenter. He ought to know that bet-" ter than any of we fellows." A nice-looking old lady, with a snowy circle of lace about her head, sat in "a Wabosh-avenue car, and drew up her skirts nervously, lefct the cataract of to-' baceo-juice that was pouring from th.v mouths of two loafers next her should' deluge them. " Conductor," she asked,; timidly, when he came iu, "isn't is against the rules to spit on the' floor .of the car?" "No, ma'am," replied tho n gallant conductor, " spit wherever voii like." Cliimnn Tntr Cit-mn The Summit. Johnny Boonspiller goes to school and he loves eggs ; but, during the re -ei.t gg famine, when the price was at mh-j point that one would have to m0rtU).3 his house to buy a straw oiit of a heu'.-i uest, Johnny had to give up his favoiiUi teed. About this time the class of wliUh ae was a brilliant member was called' in vrive definitions. Said the teacher :' "Tommy Tompkins, name something very high." " The big trees of California," sV.id Tommy. " And you, Jimmy Jackson." " The Himalaya mountains, " ans it crt-d Jimmy. "And yon, Billie Jones." "The clouds in the far-away ky," triumphantly replied Bilhe. " And you, Johnny Boonspiller." "Eggs," senteutiously remarked thr-t young man, and, as strange as it nwy seem, the teacher told him to jjo up ahead. Steubenville Herald. A Sly Cat," On the plains of Nevada a nti'c frina any house, a gentleman noticed h cat, huge one. It lay on its back, its le t uppermost, and was apparently dead. Around it, feeding mjf,uspectiiil, ;is i flock of small birds. Just as lie vm thinking how much easier it wouid lv, lor the animal to feign death ami i-at ; a bird by deceiving it than by aiipj.-iiig up to it, he was astonished to bee tin. cut suddenly roll over and grab .ue the feathered tribe that was very m-;ir. Tho other birds flew away a hliuurtd yards or so, aud alighted. The -.it iu:y made one or two mouthfuls of the g.im , and then crept around to wind .vui.l ot the birds, Jaid himself out a; a n. Aij.j once more successfully played i:io' uii dodge. A man in Alban? ' that he "had a fourteen base-ball r t. li.e .-s him asking what "Tie ri!''.. r0 t.-.n-. - j were for tbo sca-on,