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- . I - II " . I . CITY TR I B lJNE .1 January 22 , ' THE FALLS 7 . 904 . . _ . _ _ uu . . . . . , . - . . - _ . . . - . - . - . - - I I . ' . FACTS AND FANCIES i I I ' . BY ALLAN D. MAY. j " " - I'd like to be in Lincoln i. When the editors are there . At the fount of wit and wisdom 1'0 drink 111) honest shal'c. I'd like to go to I-4incoln-- Lincoln- Imlced I reall ' would " really , ; . But I have no transportation . And the walking iSIl't good \ . . . , Judge Lynch never cited any- " body 1 for contempt of court. . ' \Ve like a cat better than a ( log. . A cat seldom wants to kiss you. . _ . . - - - - - . You can't tell how big a new house is going to be by the size I of the cel1ar. . . - - - - p Every man imagines when he gets mad , that his is what' is . . . L , mown 1 as u rig 1 1teous In < 1. Igna- . tion - - V - \Ve have often wondered if Job looked as miserable as a twentieth - century man with a cold in his , ' ,4 , . ; : head. - . . . . . . . , . , -'A ; woman is as careful to remember - , . member who owes her a call as a , mall is to remember who owes . . . . . hint money. . - The only lJerson we ever knew who cozilii 1 truthfully say that he ' had never spoken a lie , was a ! , . - - - . . . . . . ' . , . . . . _ . . ; . . " ; " ' deaf and dumb man - - - - . . . . , - ' " ' ) i When the deputy assessor goes around he can turn away lots of wrath by advising the wrathful . . ones , with soft words , to see the boss about it. r A young man with a good ear for music has discovered that the _ whistle . , of one of the big Missouri Padfic freight engines chords ex- f actly with the loIethodist church ? bell. t A young man - told 1 1- his best girl I r - ' . that he had been eating doves to lw - cure his rheumatism. She ate . . . . I some for the same purpose and it , - - ; , lidn't work. Now she is wonder- 'r' . ing whether the young man.l . lied l " . to hel' or whether hiS phYSicIan f : < tt - ' " . _ - . . . . didn't know his _ . busincss. . ! i" - - - - " _ The members of the Sphinx club deny emphatically the report that after the contest was ended and the piano had been delivered t9 the club rooms , Albert l\Iamt ; , became so jubilant that he sat down at the instrument and played - ed "loIr. Dooley" with forty-nine \ ' ari a tions. - - - - - - . - I've had the chicken pox and mumps , the measles and the croup , . . . . . - - . A score of ills have drove mc nigh ( - distracted ; ' . , I've suffered some financial loss that made mY spirits droop , . And oft with me has Fate unkindly $ ; . . ' . acted it I've had my share of ups and downs , r " . . small gains and greater losses , aiy hopes have been upraised and - later blighted ; tI. Aud set I smile . as on I go , no frown I my visage crosses- - Praise God from whom all blessings . . . ' indicted ! ' now , I'vc never been - - - - . . - _ . . - . - . - ' - - - ' - - L. A. Virner.of' ! . the Sterling Sun , predicts in a cold blooded uianner , that soon the daisies will be growing on a newly made mound in the newspaper graveyard - yard , and beneath the mound tl'he Falls City Tribune will be sleep- ing , awaiting the hour when the last trump shall hid all good newspapes arise and resume pub- ] lication. If we did not know } loIr. Varner we would bc tempted to size him up as a calamity howler , . with vestments of sack cloth , and ashes sprinkled in the whiskers that he doesn't wear. But know- ing him to be a good fellow , and optimist by nature , we feel an . . . . . . - that he has either been eating the wrong kind of breakfast food , or working too late . at night mak- ing The Sterling Sun the rattling gum1 newspaper that it is. He has simply made the mistake of trying to apply a rule to an exceptional - ceptional case. Cheer up brother Varner and banish your fears , Don't s pea k s tic h discouraging things ; Just \\'ait till we're dead and then give us your tears- . Don't weep till the tolling bell rings. Cheer up brother Varner , the cloud of dark gloom Is something ) 'our nature should shun It won't help The Tribhne to 1 fight shy of the tomb- And might cause an eclipse of The Sun. Cheer up , brother Varner , we fear you are ill , And that makes you grumble curd fret Pray haste to the doctor and get a l pink pill , Lest The Sun , up at Sterling shall . set New Opera House at Nims City The new opera house at Nuns City was formally opened on Sat- urday night. The attraction was "trhe Southern Spy" produced by i-l home talent company of Hum- boldt and was a creditable performance - _ formance , the at1ilteurperformers taking their parts well.trhe house was filled with an enthus- iastic audience. The new opera house is complete in every detail and is a credit to the town. The scenery was painted byV oHf Bros of this city. Good attrac- tions will be played regularly and the Nims City opera house is sure to become a. popular place. Commercial Hotel Sold Ben Poteet has sold the Commercial - mercial Hotel to Powell & Fall- stead and CoI. James Powell will act as landlord. l'dr. Powell will doubtless play his part well and should make a prince in the way of a host. \Ve understand that a. . number of important improvements - ments are to be made at the hotel. l\Ir. Poteet will continue to reside in this city devoting his time to looking after his extensive busi- ness interests. - . . . TRIBUTE TO NEBRASKA , . ' (1)eivitt ( Republican . ) , q' , ' a ' f If " , 'ou are old , with the . fire dying omit of . your life , and the buoyancy leaving your limb ; if you are look- ; incr at . the gray clouds overhead and longing for a land ' where ' your faded ; life may ' pass away in peace , come to 'I N ebrask . H ere the sky is as' blue as the slay of Italy ; I the air is full of fragrance and the land echoes : with the voice of thousands who work beneath the pale glimmering . ingof the stars . If you are a voting man toiling as your father toiled , in worn out and barren deserts of the east ; if you would like to live where the soil rewards the toiler , where the grain waves and sparkles in the morning dew and swells the cribs in the fall , where banners of prosperity wave and the gaunt spectre of starvation crosses into another state , come to N ebl aska. Before many years every foot of land will be taken , the hills that now know the spotted co\\r , the untamed broncho or the black boar pig ; will echo to the heavy tread of the book agent , as cultivation sweeps onward This is a country where the sun used to shine through the entire summer and the earth dried up like brick in , a furnace ; \ here the hot winds swept up their deadly breath and before them the winter wheat withered and the corn fell. Now the sun .takes a rest and gives the rain a chance ; the hot winds have 'gone to Kentucky ; the face of the earth seems to glow with beauty and health , and the people who live in this marvelous coun- try g-o around congratulating each other , and try to analyze their , gladness ' Come to Nebraska. . . - To The Public . , - T I I - I have opened up a stock of Groceries , Flour and Feed in the Sol C. Stump i building , one block west of the First National Bank , where I will keep on hand at all times a complete and up-to- date stock of everything in my line , at prices that are as low as is consistent with first class goods. Call and get our prices. . , E. J. Shields Wanted At time City Hotel , a good lady .Qook. Goo place and good wages 1\'nt. McPherson ; Prop One dollar buys 100 envelopes and 100 sheets of writing paper at the Tribune office. Good qual- ity and neatly printed . D. S. McCarthy PROPRIETOR OF CITY DRAY LINE Special Attention to Household Moving Falls Nebraska City - - .