Newspaper Page Text
THE s Ay ing. man;
Who Wants to Convert Every One to Parsimonlousncss That friend of yours who, after yearn of unlmaglnablo grubbing and scrimping has saved up a couple ot thousand dollars Isn't he the nuis ance though? Oh, you know him all right. Know Mm, because, not content with saving himself, he wants you to save. He pleads and expostulates with you to save. He demands you to save, lie bullyrags and bulldozes you to save. You don't envy him his hard wrung couple of thousand at all. You're glad be has got It. You don't, how ever, feel that a couple of thousand saved up with such a bitter effort would do you, yourself, any good. You don't want savings wrenched out of the ordinary comforts of life In that way. And if you had the couple of thousand a still, small voice tells you that you'd be pretty liable to blow It within a month or so anyhow. Therefore you are content that he shall go on having his saved up two thousand and some odd bones, If he'll only keep still about It, if he'll only take away that noise he makes about why you ought to get on your saving clothes. But he won't. Nor, sir, he will not. He refuses to. He's going to keep right at you about saving. He's going to force you to see the advantages, the benignities, of Eavlng. He's going to put It square before you. He's going to make you save. He has a thousand ways of tackling you. He's with you, for example, when you buy a couple of cigars for two bits. Rotten extravagance," he pays to you as he sinks his teeth Into one of the two for a quarter smokes. "Per fectly rotten. Where - d'ye expect you'll pull up if you keep right on hurling your dust away like that? I know, but I won't say. I'd hate to say. Doggone it all, I will say it you'll pull up on the poor farm, that's where you'll pull up. Idea of chuck ing In twenty-five cents for two pHnng smokes. You must be crazy! Look at me. I smoke stogies. Got a hun dred of 'em for a hundred cents. And they're every blamed bit ns good as these two for a quarter things. Fel low gets used to 'em. I'd rather smoke stogies now, in fact, than these fool things. Think what you could do worth while with that two bits. Why, It's the Interest for a year on a five dollar note at five per cent. You're bughouse, that's all. You'll never have anything. You'll die a bum. You hear me a-talkin'." You tell him mildly that it's all right that if you're destined to die a bum, as he says, why, you'll be able to cast back and reflect upon the fun you've had. Hut le snorts at that. He snorts, in fact, at virtually every reason you give as to why you desire to blow in your own coin after your own ideas of coin blowing. He's one of the busiest little snorters we have, as a simple matter of fact. Or maybe he'll get at you with ref erence to the clothes you wear. "How much did that fool Willie off the pickle boat suit of clothes that you're sporting set you back?" he asks you. Y'ou mutter something about sixty 1 five bucks. "Sixty-five iron men for that mess of togs that makes you look like 1 somebody trying to make a hit with himself, hev?" cho;is that friend of 1 yours who , has tucked away some sav- at the Inside of your head under the i violet rays, that's all I've got to say. Sixty-five bones for that sjilt, eh? well, it is to iaush. its to laugh to , think that there's a man on earth so plnheaded. Say, you see this suit that I'm wearing now, don't you?" You do. You dou't tell him what you think it looks like because you don't want to hurt bis feelings. "Well," he goes on, "d'ye know iiuw uitiuv bumiu"ia e lui uul oi this suit? This is the' fourth sum ! met! Got it In the summer of 1905, ( and I've been banging around in it every summer since. And what d'ye . think I paid for it? Hey? I paid $11.99 for this suit ot clothes, and 'I'll get still one more summer out of it. And if it doesn't look every bit bb good as that sixty-five buck suit you've got on I'll eat my linoleum lid, that's what I'll do." That'B the way the saving friend keeps right on barking at you. He hears somewhere or other that Inst night you dropped eighteen simoleons playing poker. He holds you up the minute he meets up with you. -So you're tossing your kalo at the dnbwblrds again, hey?" he says at you. "Thought you were going to Dag that. poker. stuff, hey? Didn't you tell me yem were going to stick all of the poker money henceforth Into that building and loan association I was telling-you about?." ' You tell him yes, you had Intensod to get into that building and Joan as sociation, but that you met up with a bunch ot fellers that bad a little poker fiesta on harfrt and that you only sloughed oft a few dollars, any boTV, and that you had a lot ot fun at It and therefore you're not kicking, und so on. But that doesn't take him t,ff of you. Sometimes he takes another tack. "Say, how old are you getting to be nowadays, young fellow?" he in quires of you. Y'ou tell him. "Uh, huh," says he. "Well, you're not exactly the kldlet that you used to be, are you? Not the Infant prod igy that you were ten or fifteen years ago, huh? I can see the gray boys beginning to peek out of your hair at the sides and there's a crowsfoot or two beginning to show up at the cor ners of your eyes. And I understand that you're living right up to every cent you make. That's showing a fine set of brains for you, isn't It? Are you aware of the fact that Id these days of competition a man has got to get together at least the foundation of his little pile before he's forty-five or so or stand a hundred to one chance of never getting anything at all after he's reached that age? Hey? Don't you know very well that a matt gradually becomes less productive, sort of loses out, after he reaches the age of forty? That the demand now. adays in all lines of endeavor is for the younger fellows? Well, then!" Yon tell him that you're not feel- seven; that you expect to be swing ing right along at the old game for qnlte a spell yet, and so on. But nix. lie won't have it. "I say." he declares oracularly. "thfit if vnn'rfl pvpr rrnlnr In hnvp n t place to lay your head by the time you're forty-five, you've got to begin right now to tuck a hunk of your earnlnss away. You ought, as a mat ter cf fact, to've begun long ago. And you can't save by indulging your self In every blamed caprice and whim that you happen to think of. Y'ou have got to make sacrifices If you expect to save. You've got to grind. Y'ou've got to put your nose down to It. You've got to be able to say No, no! Y'ou've got to bo able to stand by and see the other plnheads blow ing fu their money without experi encing any temptation to go and do likewise yourself. Y'ou're listening to me, aren't you? " Of course you are. You wouldn't dare not to listen to him. But you tell him that, really, you don't feel as if you'd bs any happier if you did manage to accumulate a few thou sands of dollars. Y'ou try to pass it off by being a bit humorous. "What 'ud be the good," you in quire of him, "of my scrimping and saving to get hold of a few thousand dollars, and then to have a milk wagon zephyr along and hit me on thoJ wishbone and send me over to Oak Hill, and all like that what' ud be the good of my saving if that kind of thing were to come off?" This makes him positively furious. He Bays that that observation proves that you are an utter fathead. Ha has all the insurance figures on a man's chances to live doped out and at his finger's ends, and he tells you that at your age, thirty-seven, (why, you've got such and such a number of chances out of such and such a number to go right on living , until you bury the last member of this year's baby crop. He jumps. upon you for trying to fetch in tha milk wagoa and tells you that the grave defect of your character is frivolous ness. The very fact that you'de be gin to talk about milk wagona arid wishbones and Oak Hills and, .things when he was' trying to lead you to your duty yo.ur duty to your family as well as to yourself why, that very fact shows that the grave defect ot your character is frivolousness. ' it sure is. He's sorry to see it' too. He's noticed it for years, But he never wanted to say anything 'about It to you. . Sad nuisance, this saving friend of yours. Sad, really. Because you can't come right out aud tell him to take that noise away. He's always a good, solid, well meaning sort of a chap, you see, and you know very well that he sincerely has ypur in terest at heart. If you toll him to forget that stuff and talk baseball, he'll be offended. There's really nothing that you can tell him that'll stick, anyhow. The only thing you can do la to keep right on apologizing to him, year after year, dozens of times each year, for spending your own hard earned money the way you feel like spending it. It sure is orful, Mildred, how many otherwise good people there are In this world who suffer from atrophy of the .imagination and things. Washington Star. : Tlic Alms of Athleticism,. Physical training ls.,by no means the -main, end .of athleticism. ' It is possible (and eminent men have sup ported this view" "in -more emphatic terms! that, the finest moral,, social and commercial training In the world Is to be gained on the cricket crease and the football field. Men's Wear. IN 1940. Tbey were looking up at the latest kyiKM-apfr. "But what are thoe tfcffigs sticking out from the sides?" asked the un-stato friend. "Those? Oh, these are mile posts;" answered the New Yorker. Judge. Hicks' Cnpudlne Curv Headache, Whether from Cold, Heat, Stomucb, ol MwitaJ Strain. No Act-undid or ilangtrous drugs. It's Liquid. Kilects immediately. 10c., 25c., tod 60c., it drug store A man cannot add to his stature by treading on ether people's toes. IS. II. OmtFX'n Sons, of Atlanta. Os., nr lbs only suecn-ful Iroiy fpeolllt in tts world. Se thuir lllirru! utter In sulrerti meat la toother ooiuinu of this papdr. The man who talks hot air shouTd wear a move pipe hat. i DEATH TO r.INQ VfOIJM. "Everywhere I go I speak for tettckk.i, bemuse It cured me of rlugwoim in lu worntfirm. 11 y whole clie.st froni nuk to waist was row us bef; but TiTTEBtiE eurd me. It 'so cured a bad caso of pil." So ssvs Irs. . F. Jon'sof 38 Tanuehll St., riitstiurg, r. Ti:tte1!, the treat skin remedy, Is sold by druKUlsts or sent by moil for tVv. Wfito J. T. bucrTHM, L)ept, A, bTQuoh , 0 Germany ivaiits he next Olvrrn'le games. How is the Fatherland In the matter of taking a bftlng with good temper? asks the New Ycrk EvcnMg Sun. Itonrness Cannot Be CnrotJ Sylocal appli nations as the yen not reach the tiseased portion of the our." There is only c ue way toeurt) divifuess. and tbot is bycorwti tutiotul remedies. Deafness iBcauved byan inflamed condition of the mucous lining of ioe Erutachian Tnbn. WbeulhiatubeisiD turoed yon hare a rumbling sooud orimper feet hearing, and when it u entirely closed afnessis the result, and nolens the inflam mation can be taken oat and this tube re tored to its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed forever. Ninecaseooat of ten reoanseilbycatarrh, which isnothinnbiit an inflamed conditio! of the maroon oar faces. We will jrive One Hundred Dollanforany caaoofDftufnes ( censed bycAtarrh) that n Dotbecuredby Hall's Catarrh Cure, tvndfor Orctilarsfreo. F.J. Chf.nky & Co., Toledo, O. Sold bv Drnegisti, 7.V. Take Ilall's Family Pills for constipation. American Hotel in Japan. In the Hochl Shlmbun we find a paragraph suggesting that the ques tion of hotel accommodi !rn, In view of the great exhibition, is again at tracting attention. There is talk of a Japanese syndicate obtaining a grant of 10.000 tsubo of land In the vicinity of the Maple Club from th? Toklo municipality and there Is also taUt of a foreign syndicate erecting a hotel at MukoJIma !n conjunction with an American hotel company at a cost of C.coo.ono yen. But as yrt these and other proVcrs do not seem likely to be curried out. The fact la that a hotel U not like a tent, which can be set up and taken down at will. The exhibition of 1912 Is an exceptional event. It will cer tainly attract an unusual number of visitors, but when these have taken their departure things will return to their normal condition and there will be little more need of hotel accom modations than there Is today. That consideration probably deters capital ists from permanently pinking large sum to meet an pphomeral de mand. Japan Weekly Mail. Aiminy to Please. "See. here," growled the patron In the cheap restaurant, "this coffee's cold." "Dat so?" retorted the polite and intelligent attendant. "Well, dls Is a quick lunch joint, eo If de coffeo wuz hot yer couldn't drink It In a hurry.'" Catholic Standard and Times. , PI'ZZlV SOIA'ED Coffee at Bottom of Trouble, It takes some people a long time to find out that coffee is hurting them. But when once the fact Is clear', most people try to keep away from the thing which Is followed by ever increasing -detriment to the. -heart, stomach and nerves. "Untll-two years ago I was a heavy cotTee drinker," writes at .HI. stock man, "and bad been all my life. 1 am now 5 6 years old. '. "A boot three years agoT4)egan to have nervous spells and could not sleep nights, was bothered by indi gestion, bloating and gas on stomach affected ray heart. "J spen lots of money doctoring one doctor. told me'I 'had 'chronic ca tarrh of the stomach; another that T bad "heart disease and was liable to die' at any time. "They all' dieted me until I was nearly starved, but I seemed to get worse Instead of better. "Having beard of the good Postum bad done for nervous people I dis carded coffee altogether and began to use "Post am regularly. ' I soon got better and now, after nearly two years, I can truthfully say I am sound and well. ' "I sleep well at night, do not have tbe nervous spells and; .am not. both ered wltb Indigestion or palpitation. I weigh S2 pounds more than when I began Postum, and. am better every way than I ever was while drinking coffee. I can't say too much In praise of Postum,- at I am sure It saved my life." "There's a Reason.'" Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read "The-Road to Wellville." la pkgs. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears front time in time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. Howls Doomed by Autos. Logan Waller Pa?e. director of the. Office of Public Roads of the 'Deport racnt of Agriculture, commissioned bv President Roosevelt, Is on bis way to France to tell tho highway engi neers of the world what, In his opin ion, the automobile is doing to mac adam thoroughforcs and what should be done to counteract Us destructive President Roosevelt summoned Di rector Pago to the White House and conferred with him about this high way problem. lie lea-ned that an al most Incalculable amount of damage was being done dally, and then he Informed the director that it was his wish that the Vnltcd Scates be strong ly repreacnud at the coming Interna tional read congress lu Paris, and asked for the names of two other ex perts. Mr. Tage named Colonel Charles S. Eromwell, superintendent of buildings and grounds of the Dis trict, and Clifford Richardson, an authority on bituminous road ma terial. They were nppolntsd, and Mr. Page was made chairman of the dele gation. Although this congress will not as semble at Paris until October 11, Di rector Pase decided to sail somewhat early to Inspect some of tho roads of England, Germany and France before the congress Is called to ordsr. He wished to see If the speeding automo biles worked tho same damage there as they do here and study tho rem edial work that is being done. Here he has learned that by the tractive force of the rubber tires of the speed ing motor car3 the surface binding dust of rock roads Is drawn from its resting place and Is sent swirling to the adjacent fields. Inasmuch ns the integrity of the macadam road rests absolutely ia this rock dust, which acts as a bind ing and surfacing crust, r. dissipating of the surface leaves the road nothing but a mass of loose, round stones. The te3ts on the Conduit road, near Washington, D. C, prove this conten tion absolutely, and he carries with him a collection of photographs taken during the progress of those tests. These pictures will b3 submitted to the congress. The greater question that will arise will he how to overcome the effect of automobile traffic on hard roads with out restricting the automobile or pre venting its development. Two solutions there are to that question: One, to fiud a material ot which road3 may be made which cre ates no dr.. si-, secondly, to so treat the tcads already constructed that the dust will be retained upon them. That, of course, is now being dono in many parts of the country by spraying with calcium chloride and by the use ot various bituminous preparations. Director Page and hi3 associates will have much Interesting Informa tion to contribute along those lines, for within the past few months many mile3 of America's roads have been treated with these various prepara tions, many of the tests under the di rection of some expert from the Fed eral Office of Public Road3. Wash lngton Star. The Split Log Roatl Drag. There are thousands of highways In the rural districts, which while only being excuses for. roads, may be put Into shape by the use of the road drag, and.it is important to know that farmers' bulletin, Just Issued by the Department of Agriculture, gives a description of the split log road drag for use on earth roads. The split log road drag is by no means a new; institution, but this fifteen-page pamphlet tells why it Is sometime;) a failure. For one thing, it is often made too heavy; it should be light enough for one man to lift easily. "A dry cedar, elm or walnut log Is the best material for a drag far better than oak or hickory. Another mis take is in the use of squared timbers instead of those with sharp edges whereby the cutting effect ot sharp edge's Is lost and the drag glides over instead of equalizing the irregular ities in the surface of the road. By the ordinary, process of ditch cleaning, scraping, etc., it is estimated that road, improvement costs from 120 to $50 per mile, while by the use of the split log drag and plank ditch cleaner, rentes from $1.50 to 5 per mile, and a far better road Is the result. ' The advantagjs to be gained from the use of a road drag are emphasized in the bulletin thus: First, the main tenance of a smooth, servlcgable earth road,, free from ruts and mudholes. Second, obtaining such road surface with the expenditure of little money and labor In comparison with the tuonsy and labor "required' for other methods. ' Third, tho reduction ot mud in--wet -weather and of dust la dry wea-ther.v. This publication (Farmers; Bulletin 381) can be had free upon application to the Secretary of Agriculture or to your member of Congress. Indiana Farmer. It Is' cheaper to fence hogs In than to fence them out. Fair All Round. The Man (new arrival at ntt ' hotel) I suppose thero's no prof tlon of kissing at this resort? The'1 Maid (demurely) N0: tt(. local- option. Puck. , CONSTIPATION AND DI LI OL'SNti : Constipation Bends poisonous B! bounding through the body. Dun hni. Sour Storaaoh, Feted Breath, Iiliarl i ' Loss of Energv and Appetite are tbs nifD ot the affliction. Yousa's f.itj, , positively cure eonntlpatlon. They 'J! the sluggish liver to better aotlon, 4u,: the bowels, strengthen the wealc,,,, Induoe appetite and aid dilation, ty1 25 cents trom your dealer or ilrsot t ' the laboratory. Freo sample by mail u , address. J. If. Jtocso, Ja.. Wycro,J Y'ate Wood of Australia ha J tensile strength- of good cast iron. I Mrs.Winslow's Soothing Rrnip forCkikV twilling, softens tnegums, reduced inlW'; tiou.allavBDam. cure wind coUe.2ocUa, Street car magnates to pui "Walk, you suckeri. walk," quoo, tho New York American. ,'o Drive Out Malaria an.-l llafld t, tbe System 1 Take the Otd Standard Grows Tuf, . .. TV.-1' Vnrt 1 are taking. The formula is plainly fri on every bottle, allowing it ii siodItuj; nine and Iron in a taateleas orm, audi 1 moat effectual form, r'or grows oh1 and chilAen. anc. The fishhook cactus la the fM of the desert, for It always polatu tho south. FIFTEEN YEARS OF SUFFERING. Burning, Painful Sores on Legs To. tured Day and Night Trleu Maoj Itomedres to No Avail Vied Catlcura; Is Ytell Again, "After an attack of rheumatism, runiiif sores broke out cn my hunband's legs, fnt below the knees to the anklet. Thus in no words to tell all the discomfort ud great suffering he had to endure night ul day. He used every kind of remedy ui three physicians treated him, one after tit other, without any good results whatns, tina dnv I nrdprpd mm, titii-nri Sa.. v ' J 1 w , L'uticura Ointment, and Cuticura Hw.i vent. He began to use them and in threJl weeks all the sores were dried up. Tbs burning lire slopped, and the pains beoat bearable. After three months he was quite well. I can prove this testimonial at uj time. Mrs. V, V. Albert, Upper Freodt ville, Me., July 21, 1907." . VAUDEVILLE. "Yes: I saw that alleged drama." "Any plot?" "Not enough to wedge the specttV ties apart." Houston Chronicle. TT. , a : n-an in now hi, my iiitrn-u.u Yti'iiii" lonely homos to-day lonp for this blcssinp to come into their live., and to be ablo to utter these words, but because of some orjrnnic derails mrnt this happiness Is denied them. Every woman interested in this subject should kno-ar that prepara tion for healthy - maternity accomplished by the use ol ILVniA ft OlMEf UA&I'S VEGETABLE COMPOUND , Mrs. Massie Gilmer, of West Union, S. C.writes to ilrs. rinWiam: " I was preatly run-down in health from a weakness peculiar to my set v. hcn T.ydla E. Pinkhnm s Vegetable Compound was recommended to me- not onlv rcstoied trn tn tierfect health. but to niv dolicht I nm iv mnther, r Mrs. Josephine IIall,of Bardstovrn, y., nics; . . . -v 1 1 T .. , rt - 4mm I cinnle troubles, and mr nhvsician f aiW to help me. Lydia E."Pinchatn's Veg tablo Compound not only restored v to perfect health, but I am now a prow FACTS TOR SICK WOMEN. l or thirty years Lydia E. l'inf hams Vegetable Compound, made from roots and herbs, has been tbe standard remedy for female ih i"'.-iilicij i-ureu uiiu."-nin"" w-omon who have been troubled w aisplaeements, inflammation, ulcera tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities! periodic pains, backache, that bffvf-mir-down feelinfr, flatulency, indif tion.dijHinessornervous prostration. ny don't voiitrv it? Mrs. Plnkham Invlroa all sick M-omon to write he.r for ml vie ...,,us KUldea thnusnrtds health. Address. Lynn, Mass AND HAVE THE LAST WORD. TOO; He: "When we are ' married must both think alike." 6be: "Veo, but I'lL.Uilnk Ars Town Topics.