OCR Interpretation


Tombstone epitaph. (Tombstone, Ariz.) 1887-current, January 18, 1891, Image 8

Image and text provided by Arizona State Library, Archives and Public Records; Phoenix, AZ

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn95060905/1891-01-18/ed-1/seq-8/

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bSsSei
Tbe ImUt Um Batten
?sesBger I this train on time, eon
fcjakr? Cbsvaetor One hour late.
Passenger Well, that's outrageous,
lm in a hurry to get to East St. Louis.
Conductor Hare you ever been In East
St. Loulat
Passenger No.
Conductor When yon get there yon
will he eorry the train wasn't later. Th
Epoch.
A to XXla Expectation.
&
"To put this business on a cash bull,
Mr. Peduncle." said the father of the
young lad. ' " you should marry
lrcnd you must hare" something to lire
on. What are your expectatlonsr"
ff5y. s - sir." replied the
somewhat embarrassed young man. "I
shouldn't expect ranch, of course, at the
start, though It's hind of you to ask.
May 1 Inquire the amount cf life Insur
ance you carry Chicago Tribans.
A DaBroaa Job.
It doesnY pay to he too sharp, as a
West Side German barber has discovered,
for he lost a customer recently by trying
to he facetious, lie was sharing an
Irishman, as be had dons many times be
fore, hut never without an argument as
to the relative merits of each one's na
tionality. These controversies had u
ways been good n&tured. bat on the occa
sion in question the barber said, aj he
finished brushing the Irishman's hair;
"Veil, 1 ran rather share dree Germans as
Ton Irishman any day in dot reek "
"Phat'g thatr" cried the man from
Cork. "Maybe yes her a slnslble rayson
or that same; If jei hare, it's mora thin
I've heard from jei yit"
"Tou bet I ras had some goot reason."
replied the barber, with a broad smile. "I
ras got dirty cents for dree Germans,
und I ras only got den cents for Ton
Irishman; you see dot?"
The Irishman had argued for months,
and had never lost his temper, but to
hare a Joke sprung on him in that cold
manner was more than he could stand.
Chicago Herald.
Deathbed Meatuses.
From a reader at the south I hare th
following; which, if rather apocryphal, is
at least not half bad:
Tour clever accoant of "Old 1L," the
old German of the past generation who
hoarded his money by pinching and btint
log, recalls to my mind an incident in
the life of II , of Baltimore. Dur
ing the last Illness before his death he
became unable to turn crer in his bed,
and though his riches might well hare
surrounded him with every comfort, he
stoutly refused to hire a nurse. lie sent
for an upholsterer, who was directed to
suspend from tho ceiling a heavy piece of
picture cord. This he was to use to pull
himself over from side to side. Toe up
holsterer's charges were senaty-fire
cents. H then tcld the upholsterer
that ho had hut a few mere day to 11 Te
and asked him to take back tho ccrd at
his death for fifty cents and collect the
twenty -lira cents for the wear and tear
from the estate. Town Topics.
As Crldeaee of Insanity
"Mr. Yoder, your daughter Irene has
given me her permission to ask of you her
hand In marriage; but before I ask for
tout formal consent yoa will pardon me
if I make the Inquiry, as it is a matter of
lifelong consequence to me, whetner or
not there hare ever been any indications
of insanity, so Ear as you know, in your
familyr
"Yon say Inae has accepted you, Mr.
Hanklnsoaf
"I am happy to say aha has."
"Then, sir, said tho old man. shaking
his head dejectedly, "it is my duty, as hei
father, to tell yon that I think Irene It
khowing decided Indications of insanity.'
Chicago Tribune.
Dark Days Abesd.
Stranger (to Arizona citizen) Whafs
wrong In this town? It's aa qciet as a
grareyard.
"'A big calamity, pilgrim- CoL Bilks is
dead, and I don't sco how we'll get along
without him."
, Whyl Was he necessary to tho
towr
"Necessary? Gness so, stranger. He
was the only man in these parts that
old make a hangman's knot. Lincoln
Journal.
Peslartty.
Mr. Small That man over there makei
half a dozen trips down tawn eterj day,
and scores of women he don't knuw cod
to him and try to stop him.
The Victim Is he an actor?
Mr. Entail No, a street ear conductor,
-life.
CMWren said Fool.
,
Mrs. Westeai All I am daUghted te
If-im that Mrs. 2?tuekr.p and family kav
retnrrWl f rem the wasido at hut Yoa
stayed nansnaDy lata this seasoar
TS9..1itaeI)ick'Slccsi:T)S3res1ia, Thel:d
wj. a- Jl...,. I ...... &'mIn .m Unltiili
CemlftgtooanWof llanu KliiM.
fres ilhtft rations of the immense lulln.
tnee of contagion in the development i4
all bunas- emotions. Nor is it by any
nieaoa to be set down as a weakness pecul
iar to or characteristic of n feeble mind,
to be blindly sat-cepuole of such con.
tngioa. Erea the strongest wills are bent
and warjed ly tho winds of other men's
passions, ;efe,tenty blowing in girec
directions. Original minds, gifted with
wu.it the French call l'esprlt prime
sautier. are perhaps, indeed, affected
rather more than less than commonplace
people bv tne emtnion of im urutiFn!
them, because their larger natures are
more open to the sympathetic shock. Like
ships wl'h every mil tet, tbey nre canglit
by every brecse. It is a question of de
cree bow muth each man receives of la-
Caeiice from his neighbors.
liorcovtr, oe it careiuuy cctji, u u
only by contagion, nnd not by nay klml of
aatbonty or conimand, that emcilou csn
he ootnmul-itett It is a matter of com
nmn otnrnit ion that any effort to direct
the cmetluas to order has a tendency to
produce the opposite effect to the one In
tended. To challenge a man to be brave
is to make him srrvoat; to bid him ad
mire a person or a work of art Is to sug
gest to hhu to be critical; to command a
young man or woman to lore thd elect of
their parvnts is to chill any nascent In
clination In the dcsiretl direction, aiel to
make it a duty for Montana to hate
Cnpulcis Is to start tho loves of Horn-
and Juliet. tVc must give tho feoliug vt
deir. Wj cannot pcratiblj impose it.
FortnlghUy Ilevlew.
flw ln ?tcrlns Iloar.
I rise between 7 awl 8 a. m. usually,
and at once spread tbe bedclothes otci
iZizzzzllt: trilicifrhsi-sm;
t!ie st.etu and destroy nil effluvia, 1
then throw off wy nlsht dress, go to tbi
vvasSilug IokI, wash my htnds with soap,
and then swill my face, ears r nd neck
with water only. I rarely use oap
my face. Since Ivavlng It off I flod thai
civ face is less cuvered with scurf. I
then dip my hands In the water and rnk
n.y arms, cUeit, body and limbs with tht
wet hands. "While still wtt I dry ray
face, ears and neck, and then give my
body a vigorous rubbing with the towel,
rtad so get into a glow.
My hrt grts washed only every three
", a I find too u.uch koup causes
turf in the bead, bleaches the hair, and
makes it brittle. I ase a metal comb anrt
brush, and nse tbcm jast enough to mak
tbe hair casurae a civilized form, as toe
nuch bruthing pulls out the hair aud
ireakens the fcalp. Occasionally I go in
or a little mild exercise before dressing,
lach n throwing my arms about, o:
tooplug in varloui ways to exereis th
muscles. When dressed, I go out foi
half an bomV walk before breakfast, n
matter how cold, wet or foggy. I const
In warm, hungry and brijrbt. I tale n
food nor drluk before going ont. T. II
Allison la London Times and Ctlio.
Grief of nn -Artre.
Speaking of actresses, tho public onlj
gets faint and occasional Ideas of the per
tonal griefs which are often masked bj
the mimic jollity of the stage. An actrtsi
at a city theatre was engaged siie othei
tisht in the performance of a sonbrettt
role The part called for unceasing gayetj
of manner and frequent laughter. Tht
job was half done for tbe nlslit, and tha
recess between acts was nearly over, when
a telegram was hui!l to ber. bin
opened It, aud read tbe simple words
"lie is dead." Her notation was in
teibe, but it was no time for private Kr
row. The prompter's bell rang, tbe car
tain went up, and the comedienne skippec
Into view of tbe audience as merry of as
pect as before. The message had droppet
from her nerveless hand at the wings, ant
a fellow actor t ad picked It up. Vhci
tbe git' came off the scene he restored i
to ber
"Isn't it dreadf atf" she aKked.
"Lamentable, Indeed," the man ra
plied, sympathetically. "Who Is IV"
My pet pug doc, Adele. " Atul dBrirt
tire rest of the pby the poor actrcs
masted ber grief, aivl had not even tht
sympathy of that actor to scstaln hei
until tbe final fall of tho curtain. 2,'ev
Tork Sun.
rarK ?fatrinonlfc2 Arel.
The police divWe the matrimoalal agen
ies into three damn. The first ca'.egorj
ias for ordinary clients the a''ilemar
Without fortune and tbe high government
functionary who has been retired ou n
pension. Tbe feminine element is geaer
ally recraiud among the foreign ootony,
rphnta wiih dowry ami rich widows
who bore tbemeelm to death la the prov
Inces. The secoad class Accents begotiaU,
with lower grade functionary, retired
officers and middle class folk, who or
"poor but honest." In the third thus is
comprised oil the agencies tbat aeeept ct
matter who, provideil they can extort s
gool commission fur tLeir servieeS. Tbta
ckutMSostkm is donbtles an crhitrarr
Jne, but It is commndtoes far peltce re
qulrement. la the bet of these egen
jies, ihtle if any advance payraest is
required, but the applicant signs an
agreement to give 5 or more per esse on
the dowry within a fertaln length of
time. I hardly need aAI that the IVunt
sgrnts managirto mchn a cemiaisskjs
'rom both parties. fransia LclunA 1
CHIUJKOOtrS FAIRIES.
trtta trai cornea coel t rets t&w tmirr tntt
And the sua gws dowa sat) Ute stantow dta,
ajxl (he nadi of the day ar lusted to rut,
Jlal tie can are lit la the !ptElag rty,
TLeo Um tree toaiUKrt their flJctcrinc err,
Aad the erieic-u eairmp tbes r vtrdija,
Aad I tblak at the Sub at a &-&
These are the fairies rf chOIIiood dsra.
Tteo the nird errl hoots from her boDotr Oftr
Ask3 beviex otchntXcrinf bat c (Jy- by,
J53liwfrchitfcmooiilitioirbprort,
Whfte turtsi Uexrr on brutchee higti;
Aad over the tra tep oee tuy spy
The shfausertee twtcUs of sSrer rays.
AM tbe woods avafce and tl-s grot ptivn rfgt
Tleo the wljp. poor, wffls triple their stem bebsi
Aad the "caHirit fay- wtth a tear at bis ey
Avers that the bone way b the baa
0r: tbe fault Oat be caa'ideny J
Iinifbfe l?ioM cT wMtaisfsBs w
iniDtrtmrniuavritm tfeok4reamsr3TV
Ta,tL,2a?SStfcSS,r'-
rrUM ra ti Wiiniit tf&UiaoA dan.'
Uol KobtoOKdMtow.yovrcap'Sawryi
Aadgsrjrdld,dar.ytir cheek are ahfaxst
. tax the tiOries of eUUbood days.1
A.H.A.
Aa Athletie Jab.
SImpersaa Young Bmithsoa has becotss
ctane cnits athlete, I hear.
Begfcy That ttBoir aa athlete I Oa.no.
SscoaU not wahc around the block -without
gASimpersan Ah, well, ho has been jumping
;HJ&3nS baL"tndthlim3iSb acanjider
TOMBSTONE-EPITAPH. SUNDAY, JAKUA.RY i8,
' OONT YOU WORRT.-
tlewShrawd Uuiln.a lln llr att
a Orvat Problem.
r
"Is there a fatality among oar prnmi
Bent men" is a question that wo often
ask. It is a question that pcp!exea nut
leading medical men, and they are at a
lof-s to know how to answer it.
AVe sometimes think that if the phy;
ciarxs would give part of tha energy to
the consideration of this question th.it
they give to combatting other kcUooIs of
practice, it wight he iitliiicr-.:y
anceril.
Tlie nights of "iims" reminds us often
of the quarrel of old Indian tribe, tin.
were only happr wlion tliejr were anm
hilat'nK each other.
If Allopathy makes a disrorcry thai
prorujses oq! to tho rj-e, Ho.nwepatliy
den let it and break down its influence.
If llomu'pathT makes a discovery that
promises to be a boon to the race,
Allopathy attacks it.
It is absurd that three school shoold
fancy that all of good is in their methods
and none in any other.
Fortunately for the people, the merit
which these "um" will not recognize,
is recosmiwl by the public, and this
public recognition, taking the form of s
demand ujion the ruedtcal profersioa,
eventually compels it to recognize it.
Is it pogsibio that the question has
becaanswerwl by shrewd business men?
A prominent man once said to an in
quner, who aked him how he g"-t rich,
"I got rich because 1 did thing while
other people were thinking about doing
them. It reems to us that the public
hare recognized what this fatality is,
and how it can be met, while the medi
cal pruieBsrvu iu,j wvCrsghngbcl
it
Br a careful examination of ins ranee
reports we find that there has been s
sharp reform with reference to examin
ations, (and that no man an no grt
any amount of insurance who has tho
least deelopmenl of kidney disorder,)
because ttiey find tiiat sixty oat of evoijr
hundred in this countrr do, either di
rectly or indirectly, suffer from kidney
disease. Hence, no reliable company
Aril! insure a man except after a rigid
irinary examination.
Thi reuiitxis m of a little inntanco
h:ch occur re I a short time a;o. A
fellow editor was an applicant for a re
spectable amount of msaraure. He was
rejected on examination, be-an) un
known to himself, his kidncy were dis
rafted. The rh ewd a?e it, however, did
not give up the case. He had an eye to
buinei and'' to Ids coin mission, ail
saiil : "Don't yon worry; you set a hslf
dozen bottles of Wjrnor's safo euro. t-ke
it ucconlms to direH-tiont and in a'OTt a
month ctm nr-mni, and wo will luive
another eramina ion. I know yon will
find yourself all right nd will get your
poVcy."
Tlie editor exprewed surprise at the
Brent's faith, but the Utter replied.
"This point is a valuable one. Very
manv insurance agents all over tho
country, hen they find a customer re
jected lor this caus, give similar airico,
and eventually he gets the insurance."
What are we to infer from such eir-camstani-eti-'
Hare shrewd insurance
men, as well as other ahrewd businos
men, found the secret answer to the in
quiry Is it possible that our columns
have been iro.-:a.ni na, in the form ol
adrertiseaients, n !ut ii is pro.eda blees
ing in disgrits to miihtmsi, and yt by
many ignored ssan ailveiiKcment'
In our files we fin 1 tb'jiumU of stron;
testimonials tor W trnt-r s t-sie t urc
ko
two alike, which con'd not oiift pxcoi t
upon a basis of truth ; indeed, thuy are
published tinder a cuarantce of $5,'03 jo
anyone who will disprove thircorwc -nesi,
and this olTer has bifii standing
we are told, for mote than lour yeara.
Undoubtedly ttiin arih-Ie, which fa
simply dealing ont Justice, rrfll be cca
sidemi as an airertisement and be re
jected by many as such.
We have not spice nor tim lo discrm
the prof o-ition that a poor thinx could
not succeed to uie extent mat tais great
remedy
has succeeded, conM not be-
come so popular without merit even ii
pu'bed uy vandrrut or an Astor.
Hence we take tbe liberty of telling
our friends that it is a duty that tln-y
owe to themselves to investigate the
matter and reflect carefully, for the state
ments published are subjort to tho refu
tation of the entire world. None have
refuted them ; on the contrary hundred;
of thousands hare believed them and
proved them true, and in believing have
found the highest measure of tatisfac
tion, that which money cannot buy, and
monj r-soinot take away. t
Eobber Your money or ywr Bf el
Viitira Well, look here, you may sheet if
ftn. like, bat Via cleaned out; I bare jest
UmgUt my family from the seaside and.
BiLbrr AM richt, yocng mas; I know"
what that means, Pass right on 1 Ufa.
A Trick of Sprach.
Trfcks of speech grown Into zaannericm
ften betray peoria inU bloncUra absurd
anongh. One instance of this com-v from a
town in Maicv, where dwelt a man wboqual
ISmI his reply to ever) .qsestkm with tta
word "handy" twisted into soma sort of a
eonditlonal daosa, It was even asserted thai
be proponed to tbs lady who became bla wits
by dadarisg hs would lit to marry her il
abe could taaka it handy, but tfels vary bkely
h a fabrication of iaTldious go&dpt
Cauiag recently at a booie, of wbirn On
W- - writes tmburied ta th. parlor.
the Ttator was aura If be woau lis to tt
tbe remains of hii id friend.
Well, 7es,, he answered, "that Is I'd lila
to see them if you're got en- roa:4 handy
uw otbvrsalL.
Courier.
An Acstla y-Jth, whose incrcse Js not j
.raits as exierstre that of Viwiwt)l!tV, I
jot a largrnkrtk Lis cost. HeuauH
(rtssdho .jsjancochibsremovxL
"Xoncaa. ia,raenucau prepsrauun ib-
twentfvflve cent. Jtst soak the apotv-xir
,lt and it-vrOleoaM ixik
i8qi.
MVf w.iu'
, THE LOST ATLANTI3.
:i
or manr crnlunes tiiprr li rn
lirailiUun of a Issg lust 9laittl celled
AtUntiH.
'lha Greek googrsjis located !t a
the Atlantic Ocean, west uf tne north
wet part of Africa snl tha 11Hon el
Herrues. Tlie tea-kings r .tlantin are
s-tid to have invaded Kuropo and Africa,
and to liave ben d.tfc;ed by the Athen
ians. Ail the legenihj agree that it si rust
island, of iuexhauslibte refio.ir.x'i", and
inhab'tcd bv a race oi Bi-rir people.
For asex this island h.is exi.teif o -Ir in
legendary Ivrc Bu , l.nthal:jtht
of modern rvnearcli '6 tn ned full Kim
tbe inveetigation behold tbe lost Atiant.s
at our very do r.
fro the bigoted mcdlca' fre Ti'ty f;os
f rop ug abuil in lit ; iarU, weking for
ai AlUutiaor KscuUnius, when if tiier
would investigate, they would bebo'.d
the loet Atlantis at their rrry door.
With their ancient text took, a case oi
physic, a iper in their waistcoat giving
them license to practice, experiment and
Jcse with their injurious drugs, couter
ire and perform nnnrcufeary acU, witb
no rm or law to l.o'.d them account
tble, thoy continue their bitted, uar
jcftlced prs"-!!!, staring i, to rocancy
and tniigirdbg that tly see in them
selves an Escu'apius.
WrapjK-din a.ient"blgo!ry, thej are
try ins out against all improvemetitt that
have been made in nirdiral eciencA
They denoi.nx an new idc advanced
hy a layman or an opposition school as t
fraud.
Why'
!5eeaue Immunity -n ill not be bene
fited? Not at all, but becaehe then
specialism did not niale tlie discovery.
Yet they concede that there is no rem
edy tnomn ti. tlipn luatorla uelica that
will cure en adv-uiced kidney malady
and the disesss ariiing therefrom al
though many .f theui Vnnw fioui crown
ing proof that Warner's Safe Cure will
but unscrupulous' treat nvmptoms and
call them a dis -aee. whn in realhy they
know they are but syinicins.
A few of tre more honet physicians
admit that Warner's Saf (.'ure is a Valu
able remedy, and a preut Ideesing to
mankind, but uay m w many words,
h-n atiked why tliey do not nreecribe
it that they cannot, according to thsir
cmie.
Never1heles, the world i Ut hemiu
ing satisfied that the fure for kidney and
lirer dUeates, in whatever form or con
dition, has been discovered, and there
is no doubt but what Warner's Safe Cure
and its fa.no will live long after tuch
bigotry xs we hate ins'anctil is dead and
bcr.ed.
The late eminent physician and writer,
Dr. J U. Holland. puuhiihel in "Scnb
nnr'a JlonthJy," and (showed his opinios
oi such bi,utrr, and no doubt nas satis
fied that At antis miht poriibly be dis
covered in a proprietary m,dicine, when
he wrote editona ly, as luilotts .
"JievertlisIcK-. it is a fact that many
of the best proprietary medicinefl of tlie
day were more succe-sfai than many ol
tlie phytdcians, and inot of then), it
thould If niuemberel, were f.rtt dis
cosred or used in svtual medical prac
tice. When, however, any hrewd p-t-son,
kuowins their virtue, and foreseeing
their popularity, aecures and advertises
Uiem, then, in the opinion ol thabiguted.
xU (irtue went out oi ibein."
a next Beya Tops
One top is named Stonewall JfciLyn,
because of an miconqnerable tendency to
"ride ahead cf the rest. This name
shows that ' Barbara Freitchie" has stork
J In the Dtaitr jr of at least one small hoy.
.a uui.er ua legsea top, wnicn nas a cle
wed preference for a stationary attitude
'a spiin'og, and wears an aspect of pa
rent, .mllirig dignity, is named Gen.
Grant, because, it ownei said, It sug
gested to him Gen. Grant "sitting la his
window and smiling down on tho children
going by to church" obviously an Inci
dent of tbe general's last illness whica
bad impressed the small boy's imaginir
tion. There is a certain battered old top,
seamed with lashings and perforated with
hostile pes holes, which nevertheless lies
i Tery close to its owner's heart, and which
proudly bears the designation, always
quoted at its full length, of "Daniel Web
ster, the old war horse." One top has
the name of Pegasus, a title which tho
"Listener" fondly fancied showed a clas
sical tendency on tho partcf Tommy's
tastes until, upon inquiry, he found that
It was borrowed from the name of a
highly approred locomotive on the Boston
and Lowell railroad. Boston Tranicript
Uitencr.'
fte liar.
$&ifoA
Hr. Gotham (at the ball game) Do not
ITeleh' curves. Miss Ereejry, remind yoa of
Hogarth's Ure cf beauty I
liisa Breeay (from Chicvgr) Well, really,
Mr. Gotham, I never saw Hogarth pitch.
Htxr York Ban.
A WlfORV.
a pertssed Jriftriam ! tfcrecss tha att
as Ialt berr il, tbe fire Scat dwa.
aad yon tua3 awts as&ia, with yetur.xq;&de
UaV.
WiCt reer rHMUe Up asd joar pSeodtsg
j A van here thai rou at. IX 1 stretch cot my
j saad
j leuataMetbeBeratheiltooeaTeeagaia:
I L&a the bur.jerel tsArbe tprtess tertba
A lau4.
1 Tbattie sees m fi&i maoicesa, btHTBpM7; 2:
I . rtki-
th .-. pos Jose tfcey are mai-ifc joa tUak
AnddetindaMd taw tfcey in dosd 8 fiae
tMat t
I cere netf foe I afcedd bo wH
ktosiuk
th SpUl Of TOO
Into masses w dsota
kiss.
TcaTebersoacsagahv-laanls,
ck la thia chair.
I And I am eoctraa.td crsueli
i ai jixrr Jue!
ts ir-.r fiwi)
ffijfimsak
- m mjmwLi;itB 1 1 acagBeaaarz
I
DEADLY DRINK NQ WATERl
I'nlrarnl Kfi4anl Cau-).
Slay b Atitdtl
Umrlt
Typhoid fever ragea everywhere!
A lierever citica .r9 di-Kn lent upoa
rivers or streams for thoir i.'rinking water,
the fever rsg- violently Throuuliowt
the entim South-went and North-wreiitthe
wells are low : tho water is of rery po-r
q&ali y ; and here aloo tha fever rauM.
Tlie atithoritiex of.illunv, New fork,
Chicago, Cincinnati. M. Loi..r, rtnLuIui
puis ir,d cti.cr Isrgsr-.rei aie wumma
t-'in p-uplf not to think the water with"
out 'irti boiling it to kill the uialanalaud
l li-iid germs.
surely a winter of malaria and typhoid
will ill prepare our peuplo to Qiuter a
ummer oi cholera.
Cholera and typhoid and maUri.
ferers can All be prrented by simp1.
rules of life and these rules should b
studied by very one. These diseatet
sre symptoms of a low elate of lhesystem
produced by :h? itiattd blood.
Tins Wotil is mode impure becanse of
the impuritte? in the drinking water,
thee impurities being deadly poison
fthich paralyze the nerve action of the
kidneys and liver. When these hiooJ
punf)ing organs are paralyzed, then tlis
natural waste of tb body tho nnt
acid-r-acvuinulatbs in the blo--d, and
fever cannot be prevented until this
excess of uric acid has been removed
The greatest necessity of urerydaj lift
is pure nater. Tno-tlurdaof one' bo!
19 ni ide up of water. If the water we
drill W ii impure, then bun can we hope
to escaiw d:eated conditions?
It is impossible. The stomach, liver
and kidneys cannot purify polluted water.
ovitm c ,532 pecpie rscrt !' tlwv
GHer lor purifymg this water, but even
he filter does not remove thi poison,
for water of the ino;t deadly chamcttr
may pas through tins filter und become
dear, yet the poison, disguised, is there.
Tin-y whu u Ultcm know that the
mast become renewed at retular periods,
'or eten tl ou:h they do not take out ah
'he impurity, they Mon liecomc foul.
Now in like manner the human kid
neys art as a filter for the bloud, and if
Uiey are filled up with imnuritied and
'jeeome foul like the rhter, all the blood
n the system coursing ti. rough them te
renifS bad. for it is now a coin-coed facl
I hat the kidnevs are the chief means
(Thereby the blood is purified. Ihey
organs are filled witii thoucanas v hair
like tubs, Khich drain 'he imp'intiei
from the biood, as th sewer pipes drain
impurities from our houe9.
IS a sewer pipe breaks under the houeo,
tlie sewage escapes into the earth and
fills the house with poisonous ga; so il
any of the thousand and one lit Je hair
like sewer tubes of the kidneys break
down, the entire body is affected by this
awful poison.
It is a scientific fact that the kidneys
have few nerves of sci.sation ; and, cou
sequently, disease may exist in tiietr
organs for a long time and not in avnxclei
b the individual. It is impossible to
filter or take the dea.h out of tlie blood
when the least derangement exists in
these organs, and if tho blood is not
filtered then the uric acid or kidney
poison, removable only bv Warner' eafij
cure, a cumulates in the system and
attacks any organ, producing nine nut al
ten ailments, just as newer gas and bad
drainage produce so manj iat.il diord-rs
Kidney disease may be known to exil
If there is any mailed dcparlxt frou
trdmary health without apparent k-iow
cause, and it should lie uiidt r.itood L) at"
that the greatest peril exists and is in
tcnyined if there is the least neglect t
teat it promptly with thit g'eatspec-ec
Warner s safe curt-, a remedy that nai
recei-ed tlie highest recognition bj
ecwntific men. who have ttoroughly in
vestigated tlie character of kidney de
rangements.
The lirer, when deranged, irrCTrdictrh
announces tbe fact by sallow skin, con
stipated bovtel, coated tongue and head
aches; but the kidney when (ilsaceJ
struggles on for a long time, and tho fai t
of its disease can only bo discovered bj
the aid of the microscope or by the
physician who is skilful enough totrara
the most indirect efforts in the systim l
he derangement of theto organs as to
crime cause.
THE "SCARE CAT" BEYICE.
k Raw Iuveatloa That Itaat aot win
Gonmrl ApproTtal.
Kr. Bart Kane, of Brooklyn, R C , pred
jent of the Scare Cat dab, bu the thanks c
this omce for a copy of his new iaventtot
called tho "Scars Cat." Thinking that ahttfc
stat descriptive of tho device would not b
devoid of interest to the public I hare, ii
eompany with the author, examined ant
triticised It and must heartily indorse it.
The machine or appliance conuits of a da
eollete black walnut box, arouad whkh ai
slastfc gum baad is lightly attached. InsiA
tho k w neck box a sniall bait Is arranged ft
such away as to catch the:yoof tbecom
mon, midnight, pr&Iitsry Tom cat He ex
scutes a krr, pontenata wail, smells tb- hoi
aid bents for it. When he takes his beat
out of the low nock lnnch counter a coranio
clastic band goes with him at a rapid rab
across the tao of Sew York.
The foUuWtaday a cat with a srstStn ap
pceranee od apopiectio bulging eye i
found dead in the corner of a fence In St
Lawrence county. Thus does tho "scan
cat" save much in the outlay of bootjacks b
Sew York, and add to tbe bsshua of tht
coroner ic St Lawrence conuiy.
Tbe attractive featsre of the "scare cot'
ars so apparent to tha casual observer thai
when the president of the Scare Cat dab ei
Brooklyn opened out on the corner of thr
City Hall perk, near tbe pcetof&ce, not kinj
ago, tho crowd arerwbelmod Sir. Kane, am
a policeman had to prohibit th sale of thr
great boon on the streets of oar town.
I can truly say thai after sasccaEfally &te4
the "scare cat" for a night or two on a deb
gation cf silver throated songsters of Statu.
Island, who bare been in the habit of enatei
underneath oar casement at eventide arc
singing, "Sweet Spirit, Hear My Prayer,'
that it Is a good thing. Sine baritooa'ra
withTurpIe faces and bolging eyes trie J te
catch the 13 o'dock boat for New York, nai
died before they could get their ticket
chopped.
I sleep w2I now and miss that seal crown
taste is the mouth which I formerly notaca:
on getting up. tors seeros to wear a, morr
.roseatelraelaIsay' frankly to Mr. Ease
ust Be my Dsnsacror
'IMcnaiauuviar-r
tic hand sold at stationery store Is all the
outlay rrqnmd each night, and It will roaks
a common tortc&e shell cat hang bis tongue
out so far that any phyddan m readily as
certain what is ths matter with him.
The "scare cat' has a wendtrf al carrel
aheadof It, and I have no doubt that In tbe
near tutors it wul be so far perfected that by
putting a nickul in cos corner It U1 catch a
UNCLE IKE AND THE BEAR.
A Reck Bottom Poet Story at a freshet
Duwn ta.Ccrst.
"Speaking "bout b4h7' brose m anv,
ether, "jou nerah heara tell of my Uncle
Ike a iclliii of a story that waaH rock
bottom faek. He wax In the Har'soa.
freah. and got out cypress rab on Bab.
Crick when the fresh it come, JVhat hs
didn't know about bahs the haha didn't
know tbcmselre. He could tell whan,
lbs biggest bahs used by the dawks on
the trees, and the young bobs by tbe lit
tle masks Lobi wouldn't this fresh
're (mucked him all out of jiut. lie
thought that wan a big flood, and ha
muuul tou.ll na. bora. Pahawyou .young
bucks don't know when thar's a big rua
tn tbe rirah. Vou ougbten for to have
seen tbe HarVm fresh. But that tint
eorain to my Uncle Ike's bah story. My
Uncle Ike. he was a cnttia of cypress
ovah on Bab Crick, and his shanty was
"pon a hlgb knoll, and the watah had
kivered ererythlng lu two states, cept
ing that knoll. One night along about
the turn of the night thar come a knock
ou the dob and ray Uncle Ike sex 'Come
Itu'jrad who should step in but a big
black bah. A light was btoxio' from a
pine knot In the chlmley. and Uncle Ike
rlz up In bed to see who inout cmoe In oa
him. aud thar wiTJ the bah, and the teahs
was runniu" doiru his eyes, liy Uncle
Ike was about to rech for his gna, but
when he seed the teahs streanua' down
be hadn't the heart to shoot, and tha
'pcalin' look waa too much for Uncle Ike.
" 'Orownded out, by thu&dahatid m
Cucle Ike. '
"Tho bah nodded Ma bead.
" 'Hungry as a bah. too, said my Unela
Ike.
The bah nodded his head.
" 'An' you'd as soon lunch on me,' said
my Undo Ike; and this time he rech for
his shcotin' iron.
ine Can snooa ulVueau auu weM tm
cry.
I " "I won't play a low down trick on that
! bah. by thundah, talcl my Uncle Ike, 'if
1 he snakes me out. Thar's a pot of hominy
ovah by tbe jam, says my uncle Ike to
i the bar. 'helpyourieL
"The bah ent over and tool the elsp-
boahdaoff the pot and went dawn In It
I with his nose aud eat half of the mess.
I ' & tbe whole hog,f cays my Uncle
j fko, 'I'll have ccoiher'meft Inside of it is
the mauniu if I ain't Inside of yon.'
j -Well, sab, gentlemans, nry Uncle Bee
j says the bah eat the whole mess, and laid
. down ou the puncheons by the side of the
j bunk, with a grunt. Tho next mawnin'
j tho watah was lappln the doh step and
I nas ou a stand, and for fob days the ba
and my Uncle Ike ct cctea the same I
On the fifth day the ban left early In ti.
mawnin'. and that night a little aftah th.
tnoo& rlz. while my Undo Ike was setting
by tho firelight smokin' his cohncob pipe
and wonderin' what had become of his
cypress raft and the bah. thar comes ths
naiio rap at the doh. and who should come
In but the identekittle bar, not a ieah la
his eyes, but his teetle black eyes shone
like a bead, and bo lays down a whole hog
right by tho side of my Uncle Ike.
" 'Hog and hominy, by thunder!' says
my Uncle Ike. Well. saL. the bah kep'
my Usdc !ho In hog and hozainy until he
took tho raft down tho Savannah.""
"I'm somewhat of a liar ayself," said
one gentleman, "but 111 not tell my alli
gator story on this trip." and tbe dis
gusted native bid us good night.
"Now. thar's a manadmittin he's a Uar
himself," said the man who told the bear
story, "and you couldn't expect him to
believe another man's story, but every
body who knew ray Undo Eco never beam
of him telling of a story that won't a rock
bottom fack" Savannah News.
Cbtorted.
"Helen, what ia the world Is tbe mat
ter with your face! You look as though
you might be first cousin to the mikado."
"Why, I'vo done on tay front hair in
papers, and I guess It's a IJttla tight-"
Harper's Bazar.
Cattare'a Coat.
Foad Father I declare, Agie, yea ara
a perfect fac-ehnuo of your mother when
she was yoar age.
Aggie (just horao from boarafsg chc?
Plssse call ma Agonies, papa. As yi5
say, I presume I am a fahswameei of
msrams in tier younger day.
Fond Father (communing' with himself
fct tbe woodshed a few roonu-nta later)
Papal Mamma! Agonfeir- FfcTjslinhieell
Jumpin Jerusalem! Is that what I air
$160 a term forf Chicago Tribune. .
Keeping It Cp.
"Itdoesat natter btnf li tHejyea jsay
save." moralized Jiggs, "asjlenra8 you
put It away regularly It araounta"irp ai
the end of the year. Now, I pot away 10
cents every night."
"But yoa can't keep uparesohitiealik
that."
"I bTC."
"When did yoa beginr"
"Lr. night." Xew York Evening Sua.
-rtt r Gt.t.. F "
Beodler (Jnt Messed from penitontl-
to lauorj i wssi you to gePmojupa t
CiaSB Mni Ol SWMGK, '
Tsika- (iMKOSHCl) V Yes. sirs something:
to the way of a alee striper " t-
Beodler eyes him darkly-, andtfjerfordert
a proaouBced cheek. The Epochl
Kntefc Tor WrUlaff.
An article In a September magzzins
tells "How to Write a Storyi" J - A ,canal
boatman who is out of worlgsaysthat be
attempted to write svstory cfter-'rcSteg
wv
than If ho had never seen it, aiaybe t
didn't use tha right kind of bkv Norrif
torruHeraW.
, What U Wiust,!.- x.
I7ow Usst they have mir&Ess for row.
laj oa wheels ticro raayjj St.haffilnrea
tfea that win eaiMo a(cV'mJt'rMi2!lk "
mra cbou. .wiiaoat -1 IIin.TKinioac'
imam mwry

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