TOMBSTONE WEEKLY EPITAPH.
VOiay Y. NO. 3.
Denver. July 22. Tho Denver
aid New Orleans Railroad yesterday
tiled a motion for an injunction
against tho A. T. & S. F in tlie
United States court hero. Tho mo
tion was brought to compel the Santa
Fe road to intorohange freight and
passenger business with tho plaintiffs
as it does with tho Rio Granilo. The
motion was argued before Judge
Ilallett, who docided it could not bo
sustained. 1 he decision Is a tempo
rary victory for-tho A.T. & S. F, and
the Colorado pool. It practically
settles tho original action, to compel
a permanent interchange of business,
Fast Halls-Indian 1'ollev.
Chicago, July 22. President Gar
rett, of the Baltimore and Ohio Rail
road, says negotiations regarding the
fast mails are so far progressed as to
cause a belief that a fast mail will
soon be put on, which will materially
reduce the time from Washington (o
Chicago and St. Louis.
It is stated the Ssorctary is pre
paring to make important changes in
the Indian Bureau affairs and among
them will be tho removal of the As
sistant Secretary of the Interior,
Alphonso Bell. Those to whom have
been confided the information, say it
proposes a hotter Indian policy and
speak in high terms of the pro
gramme. Corruption Charted.
New York, July 22. Tho Trib
une's Washington special says in a
leiter to the Judiciary Committee, J.
J. Newell proposes to make startling
dislosures in relation to tho Texas
and Pacific land grants, and to prove
the same. Thirty membors of Con
gress were bribed years ago. Con
nected with the matter is the thrice
told tale that Now all has ordared his
appearance a good many times be
fjre and has never made out his case.
He has had a great many startling
things to propose, but had fulfilled
Ireland unit Texan.
OniCAGO,July 22. A speoial from
Austin, Texas, says: New3 from all
over the State indicatss that Judge
Ireland's nomination for Governor by
the Democrats is not meeting with
much enthusiasm. His opposition to
frontier protection by tho State, his
antagonism to railways and free
schools, and his political prejudices,
are strong points against him, and are
effectually used. If harmony pro-
vails in the Republican-Greenback-
ranks there is a chance of his being
St. Joseph Notes.
St. Joseph, Mo., July 22. Lewis
Max, wholesale furnituro and carpet
dealer, was partially burned out;
loss, $25,000; insured.
Archibald Mann, a colored preach
er, and wife, mysteriously disappear
ed Sunday evening. Mann's house
was found burned to tho ground, and
it is an open question whether the
pair were burned to death or fled and
burned the house behind thorn.
.Their lives had been threatened by
a nnmber of families who are jealous
of their presence.
A. Florida Harder.
Pensacola, July 22. The citizens
of this place are greatly excited over
the unprovoked murder this morning
of James Robeson by Georgo James
and, a woman named Dubois. The
murderers were arrested. The feel
ing against tho .woman is most in
tense, and threats of lynching are
heard on every side.
A Doctor lloetercd-
San Francisco, July 22.- A Port
laud dispatch says: A white physi
cian was callejl by a Spokane In
dian to treat his sick son on the Kla
math reservation. Tho boy died and
the father shot the physician dead
A Texas Duel.
Collinsville, Tex., July 22. J.
McLain and.0. Fallon fought a duel
for the hand of a young lady, being
rivals. Fallon was shot dead, but
McLain was unhurt.
Twenty Toy Pistol Victims.
Chicago, July 22. Twenty vic
tims of the toy pistol arc now enu
merated in this city dying of lock
jaw. A Costly Jtlaze.
Washington, R. I., July 22. Tho
Chase cotton mills burned. Loss,
Fire at Fresno.
San Francisco, July 2-1. A
Fresno dispatch says: "A fire occur
lee here last night. About fifty
houses were burned, mostly business,
houses, including five hotels: Ogle
House, French Hotel, Star Hotel,
Farmers' Home, Mechanics' House;
also Hughes' livery stable, Farmers'
bank, Metropolitan hall, stores, bar
ber shops, saloons, etc. Tho losses
will probably reach $200,000, muoh
of it uninsured.
Funeral or Fanny l'nrncll.
JLJoedentown, N. J., July 24. The
funeral of Miss Fannie Parnoll this
mornings-Was largely attended by tho
residents c5f the city and vicinity.
Trains from New York and Phila
delphia brouglulTmembers from differ
erent Land LcUgue organizations.
A harp at tho head of tho casket bore
the following inscription: ''Cede
Deo." A white satin pillow with a
hap at the Iiea'.d had a quotation
from her last poe'm, "Tho Utteranco
of An Irish Hfjart." Tl jservicei
wero very impressive
The ItcNult or ahprce.
Denver, July 25. Tho Republi
can's Walsenburg, CoL special says:
This morning two niners, named
Wm. Holmes and Jaups Walchman,
wero returning Jionioj in an intoxi
catod condition and yun over by a
tram. Holmos was ustautly killed
and Wulohmuii badly jnjured. The
mpii weto lying dowu Jntho track.
Chicago, July 24 The total loss
by a railroad accident, near Bloom
ington, III., will not be under $65,
000. No ono injured except a
brakeman, who was found dead un
der the caboose, terribly mangled.
Ienth or a Patriarch.
Motmouth, 111., July 24. Tho
celebrated Clydesdale stallion died
here yesterday. Ho was tho finest
Clydsdalo in America, weighing
2,500 pounds, and has numerous pro
geny. Arrest of a Mail Houbcr.
LinxK Rock, July 24. J. E.
Rudd, a substitute routo agent for
robbing tho mail was arrested and
confessed his crime.
SOUTHERN HONAH .
Christianuurg, Va., July 25.
Captain John S. Wise, Readjuster
candidate for Congress at Large, and
John S. Crooket, the Commonwealth's
Attorney, of Wytho county, csmo to
this plaoo on the early train this
morning and fought a duel near here
with pistols. Tho first round both
fired at tho word, but without effect.
At the second round Crockett's pis
tol wont off prematurely. After re
loading the weapon, both combat
ants wero placed in position for
another exohango of shots. Wiso's
pistol missed fire, and Crockett's fire
was again harmless. Crockett, the
challenging party, expressed himself
satisfied, and tho light terminated.
Tho meeting had arisen in a personal
encounter which took place on Mon
day, the 17th instant, at Marion.
A Horrible Crime.
Kknosua, Wis., July 25. A
wealthy and reputable woman at
Evanston, who had an uncontrolable
appetite for drink, was made drunk
by a gang of loafers and taken to
the woods near tho city and repeat
edly outraged by them. The affair
coining to the knowledge of the offi
cers, the woman was rescued in a
famishing, besotted condition, and
taken, half dead, to a place of safety.
Several of the parties have been ar
restod,and others will be.
Killed at Sea.
San Francisco, July 25. It is re
ported that Watts, former mate of
the Gatherer, who was arrested at
Cork on his arrival thero as mate of
tho Imperial, killed a man named
Lugan during tho voyage of the Im
perial. Lugau's relatives at Cork
made inquiry as to whether ho sailed
hence in tho Imperial. It has boen
ascertained that Lugan signed arti
cles hero as an ordinary seaman.
He wm an Englishman, aged 32
Xoiie but Stalwart on uard.
New York, July 25. A Wash
ington special says: The Piesident has
adopted a new rule which will soon
result in placing only stalwarts in
office. Where a stalwart's term ex
pires he will be reappointed by him,
and when anti-stalwarts' terms ex
pire he will replace them with stal
waits. A lenerado Killed.
CiuwroRD, Mo., July 25. A
member of a notorious gang of
thieves and blacklegs, in Howard
county, was shot dead by a posse
trying to arrest him, and whom he
resisted. It is feared h's comrades
will avenge his death, and that a
series of bloody tragedies will fol
low. Killed and Jtobbed.
Meridian, Miss., July 25.'
mangled bodies of six negroes were
found on tho railroad track. Thoy
had been run over. It is supposed
they wero murdered, robbed, and laid
on the track. They had just been
paid off. One negro has been arrest
ed on suspicion.
Probable Failure of tho Revenue JIIII,
Chicaoo, July 25. A Times
Washington special says : From a
canvass of tho House of Representa
tives, it is certain the revenue- bill
must fail this sessicn. Democrats
intend opposing it, and it can't be
passed without Democratic votes.
New York, July 25. The Her
aid's Washington special says: It is
understood that Barrias and Painero,
with the Mexican Ministers, have
agreed to submit the boundary dis
pute to the Arbitration of President
Killed by Jler Husband.
Lincoln, Neb., July 25. Sunday
night Wm. Reed, formerly of Gage
county, shot and instantly killed his
wife, who had sought refuge from his
brutality with hor son-in-law. The
murderer is in jail at Beatrice.
Chicago, July 25. The iron ore
unloaders at South Chicago have
struck, and tho scenes of tho Juliet
strike, whioh were long and brutal,
are likely to be repeated unless a
compromise is effected.
Kepoi'lcd Arrest of the l'hu-nlx I'ark
New York, July 25. Tho Her
aid's St. Thomas speoial says: Ono
of tho assassins of Lord Frederick
Cavendish has been arrested at Puer
to Cabellero. He gives the names
of his accomplices.
Washington, July 21. The Sen
ate conference report on tho river and
harbor bill was adopted by 41 to 12.
The Houso amendment to the Sen
ato amendment of the pension bill
was concurred in, and the bill now
goes to the President.
The Senate took up the House
revenue tax bill. Bayard's amend
ment, retaining the mutch stamp tax,
was rejected, 8 to 45.
At tho adjourned star-route trial,
Walsh was cross-examined at length
regarding his dealing with Brady.
Tho examination mainly related to
witnesses lo.uis to Brady, and was of
Washington, July 22. Walker
and Blaine wero appointed assistant
counsel in behalf of tho United
States before the Court Commissioner
of Alabama claims.
Orders have been issued for the
monitors Mantauk and Nantucket to
pet in roidiness for sea, service to
test their sea-going qnalities.
Washington, July 22. Second
Assistant Postmaster-General Elmer
reports the star-route service section
now in operation, 4,978, as one hun
dred per cent cheaper than former
contracts. The cost per mile is
45 31H00 per cent less saving over
A communication received by the
committee from ex-Secretary Blaine
requesting permission to submit sup
plementary statements on tho Chili
Peruvian correspondence, in response
to assertions made by. Randall were
Washington, July 22. In the
House the Deuster bill,to regulate
tho carrying of passengers by sea,
In the Senate the House bill, to
provide additional industrial training
schools for Indian youths und author
izing tho use of unoccupied military
barracks for such purposes, was
In the Houso the bill directing the
payment to Mrs. Lucretia A. Gar
field of $50,000, less any sum already
paid out on account of tho late Presi
dent's salary, was passed.
Attorney General Brewster dee'd
ed, in the qucstiqn between George
William Curtis and Representative
Hubbell, regarding pollitical assess
ing, that Congressmen are not Unit
ed States officers, and a gift to them
for campaign purposes does not fall
within the statute. Tho Cabinet will
consider the matter to-day.
The Attorney General deoides that
tho Secretary of the Treasury cannot
allow the transportation of the sixty
thousand Chinese through this coun
try from Cuba to China.
Washington, July 24. No action
on the Nicaragua canal bill is likely
this season. The committee on for
eign affairs have determined it shall
go over to give time for its dis
cussion during recess.
Mrs. Pacheco is rapidly convales
cing. In the Senate to-day, Logan asked
leave to hnve his bill constructing
the law so as to allow Chinese labor
ers to pass through the United States
en route to China, referred to the
Judiciary committee. It was re
marked that the benator from Cali
fornia (Miller) intended to debate
the proposed reference,, and Logan
withdrew his request.
The Democratic Senate caucus
this 'morning resolved to disouss all
amendments to the tax bill and op
pose any attempt to reach a final
vote upon the bill unless such ample
opportuni y was afforded.
In response to an application from
the Government counsel in the Star
Routo cases, Second Assistant Post
master General Elmer has prepared
a statement of the cost of the Star
Route mail service for the fiscal years
1870 to 1882 inclusive. In the seates
of Louisiana, Texas, Kansas, Ne
braska, Colorado, Oregon, Nevada
and California and the territories of
Dakota, Montana, New Mexico, Ari
zona, Idaho, Utah and Washington,
the annual cost at present is $2,
018,635. This table covers one contract term
and half of 76 and half of the pre
ceding term. The previous cost was
12,944,049. Tho now term begins
on following day, July 1S78, one
year afterwards cost had been raised
by Brady to 83,535,560, and at the
end of second year of his term of
four years ended on June 30,1882,
and on tint day the amount of cost
was only $2,877,209, owing to a re
duction made by the present admin
istration. The next term began
July 1st, 1882, and its annual cost is
only $2,080,000, while service in
some States and Territories of Bra
dy's inflation co st $4,520,821.
Washington, July 25. Trescott
has writteu a letter to Blaino clear
ing up the latter's Peruvian policy.
He says Blaine showed himself de
sirous of making the "credit indus
trial" useful to Peru, but was unwill
ing to make, tho programme of the
company part of his negotiations as
to guarantee it; did not favor a pro
tectorate over any part of South
America. Ho had no intenion of
raising a war. Ho rejected theCochet
claim absolutely. Regarding San
derson's claim, ho instructed Hurl
burt to ask that Sanderson be grant
ed a hearing before the Peruvian tri
bunal and his claim be broucht to tho
attention of Chili and Peru, in the
event of the concession of Peruvian
territory, but under the restrictions
of his instructions, the claim was
never brought to tho consideration
of the Peruvian Government, either
by Hurlburt or the Minister.
COCHISE COUNTY, ARIZONA,
The War loud England Maklue
Preparations Arab! Defiant A
ItattlcKxpreted Noon -JIanaere of
SCARCITY OF WATER.
Alexandria, July 22. Tho situ
ation In regard to the water supply
is becoming alarming. Unless more
troops arrive soon to enable General ,
Allison to prevent Arabi Pasha from
pumping tho station the consequence
will be terrible.
THE KHEDIVE DEPOSED,
Alexandria, July 22. The nota
bles, at a meeting at Cairo, adopted
a resolution declaring the Khedive a
traitor and deposed him. They also
issued a proclamation declaring war
A CONFLICT EXPECTED.
Alexadria, July 22. Major Gen
eral Allison is marching with two
regiments toward the intrenchments
of Arabi Pash. Tho movement will
probably result in a general engage
PUNISHING THE INVADERS.
Alexandria, July 22. Five hun
dred soldiers and many Bedouins,
in Scagozeg, have been joined by 190
Bedouins from Cairo, and no doubt
a general ma-sacre has begun. The
news of the massacre of Europeans
in various parts of Egypt excited
great indignation here. The 'delay
of action is bitterly commented upon.
Arabi Pasha's proclamation, now
ready, will effect a marked change in
the attitude of tho people. Arabi's
camp is on a strip of land flanked by
two dykes. It is very strong. Thirty
six Europeans were massacred there
by order of Arabi.
LIVELY FIGHTING ALONG THE WHOLE
Port Said, July 22. At a meeting
of the foreign consuls, yesterday, it
was agreed to call on the Admirals
and Captains of the men-of-war in
tho harbor to ask what steps could be
taken for the security of Europeans
on shore in tho event of an outbreak.
Fresh earthworks have been thrown
up by the Egyptians at Fort Guemill,
six miles from here. The Arabs at
Imailico are murdering carHives.
Every European has left Cairo.
THE ENGLISH STRENGTH.
London, July 22. The Times
says the forco for Egypt will consist
of 10,000 troops, which, with those
already there, will swell tho forco to
London, July 22. The troopship
Euphrates left Portsmouth to-day.
Sho. took 1,700. Tho captain re
ceived sealed orders. It is presumed
sho is destined for Alexandria, not
NOT SO BAD.
London, July 22. The corres
pondent of the Times at Alexandria
writes that he is convinced the report
of the number of persons massacred
at tho time of the bombardment is
PROGRESS OF THE OON1E3T.
Alexandria, July 23. To-day
two hundred and fifty of the Rifles,
under an aid-de-camp of General
Allison, pushed beyond Milah, six
miles hence, to blow up the railway.
They met some of Arabi Pasha's
cavalry and several shots were ex
changed. The Egyptians fled, after
losing two dead and several wound
ed. The Rifles having finished their
work, withdrew. The British troops
now oocupy Aboukier, and will occu
py Kemlek to-morrow.
Alkpandria, July 22. Some cor
respondents having reported that
they were fired upon yesterday at a
village a few miles out from here, a
party of military proceeded thither
last night. They found the houses
filled with plunder and brought back
forty Bedouns for trial.
FRIENDS IN PEASE, ENEMIES AT WAR.
London, July 24. Arabi Pasha
wrote the following letter to Glad
stone two two days before the bom
bardment, but Gladstone did not re
ceive it until after Hie bombardment:
" The Koran commanded us to resist
if war was waged against us, hence
England may rest assured that the
first gun she fires Egypt will absolve
England from treaties. Good con
duct will cease, property of Europeans
will bo confiscated and destroyed,and
Jehad be preached in Syria, Arabia
and India. The first blow whioh
strikes, Egypt will cause blood to
HoV through Asia and Africa, the re
sponsidility for which will be on the
heads of tho English. Egypt is still
ready to be fast friends with England
and keep her road to India, but she
must keep within the limits of her
jurisdiction. Finally, England may
rest assured we are determined to die
for our country.
THE UNHAPPY LAND.
Alexandria, July 24. Eye-witnesses
from Taulop state that eighty
five Europeans were tortured, disem
boweled and torn to pieces, and that
women were violated and tortured.
Soldiers participated in the atrocities.
Arabi Pasha's new government has
issued a proclamation stating that
every native molesting Christians
shall be shot. It is believed tliis is
a mero form to cover themselves
should they happen to fall into our
hands. To provide water for the
civil population tho chief engineer of
the Bittern has been placed in charge
of the steam cotton work, where
with four boilers and two tanks lie
has been able to condense 100 tons
of water daily. It is considered cer
tain that Arabi will destroy Cairo
JULY 29, 1882.
unless dofeated and the city occu
pied. In reply to a proclamation of
tho Khedive, Arabi appointed a min
istry of his own at Caiio. Prepara
tions are being made to attack
Alexandria. Arabi is removing por
tions of his force in that direction.
Dispatches for Arabi, brought by
Constantinople were seized.
ENGLAND HAS HER HANDS FULL.
New York, July 24. A Herald
Alexandria special says: Last night
500 of Arabi's cavalry, with one gun,
raided through Ramleh, and rode be
tween the English outposts and came
boldly to the water works and then
retired. At. 5 o'clock this morning
5,000 Nubians, with eight guns,
marched to Aboukir, under Arabi
Pasha, and immediately began to con
struct earthworks. Arabi now has
guns mounted on tho earthworks be
tween Motallot and Kofareldwar.
Pocho assurmed me that unless Eng
land aots with at least 40,000 troops
she 'will meet with a Bull Run. There
is no doubt that had 5,000 men land
ed immediately after the bombard
ment, burning and
id lootjug would
ted. The electric
have been preven
lights, established in the forts, last
night illuminated the country lor
miles around. Incendiarism con
London, July 24. The Times
says: The question of Turkish inter
vention is practically decided by the
fact of an expedition about to bo sent
without reducing the district provin
ces, of troops, and then reducing the
garrison at Constantinople.
AN IMPORTANT DISCOVERY.
Alexandria, July 24. Teghet"
Ber, second officer of tho embargoed
msil steamer, has been arrested.
Documents were found upon him
showing that for months he had act
ed as agent for Arabi Pasha for car
rying communications between him
nd the palace and Pan Islam. Tho
committee at Constantinople had
Reghet taken before the tribunal.
Upon being promised leniency if he
fully confessed, he gave a complete
list of persons with whom Arabi
Pasha was connected. The list in
cludes the names of several influen
tial persons in Constantinople. Reg
het also gave a list of Arabi's con
federates in Egypt. A cypher letter
to Arabi was found upon him.
THE FRENCH POLICY.
Paris, July 24. DeFreycinctJ
president ot the couucil, conferring
with the committee on naval credit,
declared if the powers indirectly in
terfered in Egypt or remained neu
tral in regard to the intervention of
other powers in Egypt, France would
leave England to act alone and
would confine herself to the protec
tion of the Suez canal.
A SKIRMISH IN PROGRESS.
Alexandria, July 24, 12:15 p. m.
The Sixteenth regiment marched to
occupy Romleh this morning. A
skirmish is now proceeding. No
A STRONG FORCE.
Alexandria, July 21. The in
spector of the Cadostral survey has
arrived from the interior. Ho re
ports the total force of rebels at
nearly a hundred thousand. He says
a volunteer cavalry regiment is form
ing to attack Alexandria.
TO PROTECT THE SUEZ.
Paris, July 24. It is announced
that the French Govemment will,
for the present, only send 6,000 ma
rines for the protection of the Suez
ENGLAND SENDING TROOPS.
London, July 25. Fifteen steam
ships have been accepted, or are un
der survey as transports. The au
thorities decided not to send militia
to garrison Malta or Gibraltar.
WAS IT AN ENGLISH DEFEAT?
Alexandria, July 24. The fight
ing is finished and the casualties arc
insignificant. The British remain in
occupation of the trenches. Two
despatchers appointed by the British
have arrived, and report that Arabi,
on learning that troops were des
patched from India to Alexandria,
sent 9,000 men to Cairo.
Alexandria, July 25. The mili
tary authorities are of the opinion
that Arabi Pasha will not attack the
city. He is, however, strengthening
his position hourly. At daybreak
this morning his men were at work,
many of them without uniform,driven
WILL POrECT THE HITCH.
Pakis, July 25. Tho minister of
marine moved a naval credit of nine
millions of francs to protect the Suez
canal. De Lesseps telegraphs that
Arabi declares his intention to re
A BLOODY CONFLICT.
Vienna, July 25. A conflict oc
curred on tho railroad between peas
ants and laborers at Dambrava, dis
trict of Dabnau, in which fourteen
persons were killed.
Two Hundred Lives Lost.
Vienna, July 25. The Russian
was sunk by a
Two hundred lives
The English Turn
London July 25. The Goodwood
stakes were won by Fortissimo. Re
veler second, and Sunbeam third.
Death of a Htatesman.
Panama, July 25. Thomas Guar
dia, President of Costa Rica, is dead.
Victor Huco's Daughter.
From the London Eche.
Victor Hugo has a daughter,
Adele, who has now for ten years
been tho inmate of a private lunatic
asylum in the neighborhood of Paris.
Sho is now about 50 years of age, and
the story is a sad one. Some eigh
teen years ago sho fell in love with a
naval officer, who had some property
in Jiinglanu and several estates in
Trinidad. Her relatives wore oppos
ed to her marriage, but as she was of
full age she carried her point, and
the newly-married couple proceeded
to the West Indies. After a few
years of life together the Commo
dore abandoned his wife, whose pre
vious eccentricity under this blow
rapidly developed into insanity. In
her rare lucid moments she has been
heard to say: "If he had not aban
doned me I should not have lost my
reason." She found herself left
without resources, and in her distress
she appealed to her illustrious father.
The help he suit she placed upon the
carpet and told the tradespeople to
beln themselves. Tho first onmors
t00j au) vheieupon tho old negrrss,
uer servant, advised her to write
again to hei father. In the interval
poverty and distress were endured,
which intensified the mania
and finally the poet sent
for her to come home. Her insanity
is mild and harmless. Sho can reason
well, and her memory is good; but
suddenly while at the table, she put
her food in her pocket. Her dress is
that of a young girl; her walk is very
peculiar; she fills her pocket with a
host of things which she picks up out
of the road in her daily promenade,
and one day she collects the pebble
in her path, which she replaces on her
next walk. She is proud of her
father's reputation, and knows his
works by heart. Mdlle. Adele, as
she is called, is supplied with every
thing that can contribute to her
physical comfort. She has her own
servants, and she spends most of her
time walking in the grounds. One
day as she passed the garden where
the most afflicted patients were walk
ing, she remarked to her companion:
"Poor maniacs! how unhappy they
must be!" Her father often' visits
her, and the days of his visits are
red-letter days both to her and the
other patiets, who know him well and
throng him with questions, to all of
which he gives satisfying answers.
While the others are about him, the
daughter caresses her father's face,
exclaiming: "1 have lost mj' life."
She speaks in a lone tone, and, as he
is somewhat deaf, her companions
repeat what she says, in their way.
Can any one imagine a more remark
able picture than this?"
Yoiiiib Love's Dream
They are young married people
and have just gone to housekeeping,
and the neighbors who assemble at
their front windows to witness the
harrowing sight of their parting for
the day declare that the following is
a verbatim account of thoir con
versation: "Good-bye, Charlie; now be care
ful the street cars don't run off the
track with you and kits me, Charlie
there was something I wanted to
tell you let me see. Was it hair
pins? No, I got them what could
it have been?" "I'm due at the
office, pet," says Charlie, bracing up
and looking very handsome and
manly; "was it something to eat?"
"Why, of course it was; there isn't
a bit of mashed potato in the house,
nor a mouthful of bread and butter.
We want half a yard of beefsteak
sec; and have it cut bias so it will be
tender and a loaf of sweet-bread,
Charlie, and a strawberry short-cake,
dear, and and anything else you
think of, dear."
"But, my little wife," says Charlie,
looking very wise, "these thing must
all be made before we can eat them."
'Must thoy? oh, dear, and I never
learned to do fancy work! I never
crocheted a biscuit lit to eat, and I
couldn't paint a tomato to save my
life. Oh, Charlie, cro to tho ready
made stores, do, there's a darlingl"
Ho did; and they had a pictures
que "meal of lobster and strawberries
with baker's msk and lemonade, but
Charlie has written to his mother to
come at once and make them a long
visit, they are so delightfully situated
they can make it pleasant for her
now, he ays.
Said an Austin teacher to one of
his highest pupils: ''If your father
gave you a basket of peaches to
divide between yourself and ySur
little brother, and there were forty
peaches in the basket, aftor you had
taken jourshaie what would be left?"
"Mv little brother would be left, for
I'd take all the peaches. That's the
kind of Congressman I 'am going to
be when I grow up."
Daniel Webster made a profound
impression npon Carlyle, who said of
him to an American: "The most re
m'arkable man in appearance 1 ever
sw great, shaggy, taciturn, hav
ing the gift of silence, yet know
ing how to talk a great thing,
that, to know when to hold your
tongue evidently of great reserved
power. 1 shouldn't like to fall into
his claws when he is excited."
"I was with Grant," said the bare
headed stranger at Long Branch.
"Ah," interrupted a kind man, "you
are a veteran of tho lato war and
need money to buy a loaf of bread."
"No, no," continued the stranger; "I
was with Grant. He was pulled out
of the wrecked car first, and con
found hint he walked off witl:
FIVE DOLLARS A YEAR.
Xnt Very Murh,
A young man with a nose like a
razor and an eye which would have
raised a L lister .on sheet-iron on a hot
day halted a pedestrian on Gratiot
avenue and stated that he was trying
to raise money to reach the bedside
of his dying aunt in Chicago. He
was to proud to beg, but if the citi
zen would give him a quarter he
would show him a trick worth five
"Vhas ish dot drick?" queried
"It is to make ten cents go further
than a dollar. You can play it on
the boys and make ten dollars a day."
"My-friendt, I nefer blavs mit der
"Yes, but you can have lots of fun.
"I vhas no handt for fun. If I
effer git off some shokes I neffer laff."
"Yes, but this is something. When
you come down to the grocery of an
evening you "
"Idoan'corne down." I vhas home
on der stheps all der eafnings."
"But you could have a little fun
with your ncigldXiTS. ' ,
"I told you I vhas not a fulfny -man.
I likes to schmoke und read
der morning bapers."
"Well, I don't want to beg, and I
am offering you this trick very low
in order to get home and see my
sister die. Have you a dying sister?"
"I doan' expect T have. Vhas ish
"To make ten cents go further
than a dollar."
"Und vhill she do it?"
"Und five cents goes more ash
half a dollar?" .
"Und a cent goes petter as a dime?"
"That's the ratio."
"Und nottings at all goes petter
ash five cents?"
csl I I think it does."
"Vhell, you shust consider you liaf
all der nottings efer was und you
vhill be in Chicago to-morrow! Gif
my love to dot dying sister und tell
her dot you saw me well. You'd
petter git some express wagons to
draw dose nickels down to der rail
road, und you look a leedle oudt for
some Dutchmaus who has peon eat
ing grass und vhas green!"
The new reporter was sent to
the school exhibition. His repoit
read pretty well; but there were a
few things in it which did not meet"
the approval of the local editor
such, for instance, as. these: "The
essays of the graduating class were
good, whoever wrote them;" "the
floral offerings were excessive, and
from the number received by Miss
Simplegush we judge her father owns
a first-class greenhouse," "the young
lady who read the valedictory to the
teacher has in. her the making of a
fine actress. She simulated sorrow
so accurately that the writer might
have been misled had he not subse
quently heard the young lady speak
of this same 'dear teacher' as 'a hate
ful old thing." Boston Transcript.
A French scientist has made
some experiments recently which go
to snow that all classes of insects, in
proportion to their size, are from
fifteen to forty times as strong as a
horse. If you don,t believe in
strength of insect life, watch the
velvety little bumble-bee, with the
tropical polonaise, and see him lift a
two-hundred-pound picnic-man out
of the grass. Chicago Times.
When all the buffalo aro killed
oil', if Uncle Sam can be induced to
quit feeding the red devils on can
ned . goods and other Government
rations, they will have to put up at
au American boarding-house, and
then dyspepsia will wind up the noble
red man. The Secretary of the
Interior should cut this out and paste
it where ha will see it again. Texas
W. .1. Home, Inventor and Manufactur
er, Pico House. Sir: Your Electric Belt
cured ine ot kidney disease, dyspepsia,
sick headache and general debility. It
also cured my wife of a severe pain in her
stomach, with which she had been afflicted
from childhood. We wore the belt some
live months and would not fkc $10,000
for it and slider again as we did. You can
refer any one to us on its merits.
Si. S. Howell,
180 Main Slrcct, Los Angeles, Cal.
June 27, 1882.
Agent's headquarters at W. W. Ross &
Co's drug store, Tombstone. jyl.)-lw.
"I feel I am growing old," says
the lady, mincingly, to her guests,
"for really I am beginning to lose
my hair." (Of course she has
btishels of it, and it is black as
"Then ma," exclaimed her little
child, with the innocent frankness of
innocency, "why don't you lock up
tho drawer when you put it away at
night?" From the French.
A Colorado constable had a war
rant for the arrest of a circus man
for an alleged assault, but the circus
man betook himself to the lion's
cage, and safely ensconsed therein
taunted that constable and invited
him in. The constable withdrew
with his warrait unserved.
It is all a one-sided contest: Pima
and Cochise do all the growling and
Yavapai has a monopoly of tho
Home's Electric Belts cure rheumatism
spinal and kidney diseases, -constipation
piles, etc. Agent's headquarters at W XT
Hos & Co.'s drug itoie. " jyll-lw
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