The Florida agriculturist. [volume], July 03, 1878, Image 2

About The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911

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58
Croquet.
The evening wa* bright with the inoon of
May,
And the evening was light as though lit by
day;
From iny window I looked to see croquet.
Of mallets and balls the usual display,
The hoops all stood in arcb array;
I said to myself, “Soon we’ll see croquet. ”
Jtot the mallet and bad ball unheeded lay.
And the maid and youth, side by side sat
they;
And I said to myself," Is that croquet t ”
Isaw the scamp—it was light as day—
Fat his arm ’round her waist in a loving
way.
And he squeezed her hand. “ Was that
croquet f”
While the red rover rolled forgotten away,
He whispered all that a lover should say,
And he kissed her lips. What a queer
croquet!
Silent they sat ’neath the moon of May ;
And I knew by her blushes she said not na v;
And 1 thought in my heart, “Now, that’s
croquet! ”
—Democrat &. Chronicle.
HALF AN HOUR OF AGONY.
Sir. Th iimblcdirk-K Terrible Predica
ment.
Yesterday afternoon 31 r. Jasper
Thumbledirk, who is forty-three
years old and unmarried, dashed into
our sanctum and evolved a remark,
the intensity of which fairly made
our blood curdle. And when he
completed the remark, which was
neither very long nor remarkably
complicated, he picked up a dictiona
ry, hurled it at the proof reader with
great asperity, and before that good
natured and greatly abused angel of
the editorial stall" could recover from
his emotion and get his umbrella Mr.
Thumbledirk was gone. He dashed
out of the door, missed the stairway
and stepped down the elevator, fall
ing a distance of three stories, but he
was too mad and excited to get hurt,
and we heard him rushing away
down the alley, yelling and swearing
till he was out of sight and hearing.
As he is usually a very severe man,
of habitual reserve, very particular
and guarded in his language, we were
amazed not only at his words, for
which his excited manner afforded
not the slightest explanation. Dur
ing the day, however, we became
oseessed of certain facts which may
causes of this worthy and respectable
citizen's violent and disrespectful
manner and language.
It appears that about 2 o'clock in
the afternoon, Mr. Thumbledirk drop
ped in at the Union depot to ask
some questions relative to the arrival
and departure of trains, and while
passing through the ladies’ waiting
room, he was accosted by a lady ac
quaintance who was going cast on the
T. P. & W. at half-past two. She
wished to go up town to make some
little purchases, but didn’t want to
take her baby out in the rain. Would
Mr. Thumbledirk please hold it for
her until she came back? She wouldn't
be gone more than five minutes, and
little Earnest was just as good as an
angel, and beside, he was sound
asleep.
Mr. Thumbledirk, with a strange
flutterof his feelings, lied, and said he
would be only too delighted. Then
he took the baby, and the ticket
agent, who has two, knew by the
manner in which the mau took the
baby and looked anxiously from one
end of it to the other to see which
end the head was on, that he had
never handled a human baby before
in all his life, and promptly closed
his window to shut out the trouble
that he knew was on the eve of an
eruption.
Mr. Thumbledirk is a very tall,
dignified man. He was rather an
noyed as the mother disappeared
through the door to observe that all
the women in the waiting room were
intently regarding him with various
expressions, curiosity predominating.
He sat down and bent his arms at
the elbows until they resembled in
shape two letters V's with the baby
lying neck and heels in the angle at
the elbows, and he looked, and ho felt
that he looked, like the hideous pic
tures of Moloch in the old Sunday
School book.
Mr. Thumbledirk felt keenly that
he was an object of curiosity and illy
repressed mirth to the women around
him. Now a dignified man does not
enjoy being a laughing stock for any
body, and it is especially humiliating
for him to feel that he appears ridic
ulous in the eyes of women. This
feeling is intensified when the man
is a bachelor, and knows he is a little
awkward and ill at ease in the pres-
ence of women, anyhow. So, as he
gazed upon the face of the quiet,
sleeping infant, he made an insane
effort to appear perfectly easy, and
to create the impression that he was
a old married man, and the father of
twenty-six children, he disengaged
one arm, and chocked the baby un
der the chin. About such a chuck
that you always feel like giving a
boy with a “putty blower 1 ' or a “pea
shooter.” It knocked the little rose
bud of a mouth shot so quick and
close the baby couldn’t catch its
breath for three minutes, and Mr.
Thumbledirk thought, with a strange,
terrible sinking of the heart, that it
was just possible that he might have
overdone the thing. A short, young
woman in a kilt skirt and a pretty
face, sitting directly opposite him,said,
“Oh!” in a mild kind of a shriek, and
then giggled ; a tall, thin woman in a
black bombazine dress and a gray
shawl, and an angular woman in
a calico dress and a sun bonnet, gasp
ed, “ Why! ” in a startled duet, a fat
woman with a small herd of children
and a market basket, shouted,“Well!”
and then immediatly clapped her
plump hands over her mouth as
though the exclamation had been
startled from her, and a tall, raw
boned woman who wore horned spec
tacles and talked bass, said, “The
poor lamb !” in such sepulchral tones
that everybody else laughed, and Mr.
Thumbledirk, who didn’t know just
exactly whether she meant him or
the baby, blushed scarlet and felt his
face grow so hot that he smelt his
hair. And his soul was filled with
such gloomy forebodings that all the
future looked dark to him.
The baby opened its blue eyes
wider than any man who never own
ed a baby would have believed it
possible, and started at Mr. Thumble
dirk with an expression of alarm, and
a general lack of confidence that
boded a distressing want of harmony
in all further proceedings. Mr.
Thumbledirk viewing these signs of
carelessness witli inward alarm, con
ceived the happy idea that the baby
needed a change of position. So he
stood it upon its feet.
It is unnecessary to tell any mother
of a family that by the execution of
very simple move
menu,” uft; uniuiij>|>y
thread of the baby’s clothes around
its neck in an instant. A general but
suppressed giggle went around the
room.
Mr. Thumbledirk blushed, redder
and hotter than ever, and the aston
ished baby, after one horrified look
at its strange guardian whimpered
uneasily.
Mr. Thumbledirk, not daring to
risk the sound of his own voice,
would have danced the baby up and
down, but its little legs bent them
selves into such appalling crescents
the first time he let the cherub’s weight
upon them, that the wretched man
knew in his heart of hearts that he
had forever and eternally most hope
lessly “bowed” them, and felt that he
could never again look a bow-legged
man in the face without a spasm of
remorse. As for meeting the father
of this beautiful boy, whose life he
had blighted with a pair of crooked
legs—never, he would lace death
itself first. And in coming years
whenever he met this boy waddling
to school on a pair of legs like ice
tongs, he would gaze upon them as his
own guilty work, and would tremble
lest the wrath of the avenging gods
should fall upon him. .
Alarmed at the gloomy shadows
which these distressing thoughts cast
over Mr. Thumbledirk’s face the
baby drew itself up into a knot and
wailed. Mr. Thumbledirk balanced
it carefully on his hands and dandled
it, lor all the world as he would
“heft” a watermelon. Instantly the
baby straightened itself out with such
alarming celerity that the tortured
dry nurse caught it by the heels just
in time to save it from falling to the
flooi*
“He’ll kill that child yet,” said the
gloomy woman who talked bass, and
Mr. Thumbledirk felt the blood
curdle in cold waves in his veins. By
this time the baby was screaming like
a calliope, and the noise added inex
pressibly to Thumbledirk’s confusion
and distress. He'would have trotted
the baby on his knee, hut the attempt
occasioned too much comment. The
fat woman with the market basket
said;
“ Oh-h, the little dear!”
And the short pretty woman snap
ped her eyes and said :*
TIIE FLORIDA AGRICULTURIST.
“ Oh-h-h, 1 how cruel ?” ) || fj<
And the woman in the black bom
bazine, and the woman in the sun
bonnet said: < -
“ Oh-h-h,! jnfit look at him !”
And the woman who talked bass
said, in her most sepulchral and pen
etrating accents:
“ The man’s a fool. ”
And the baby itself, utterly ignor
ing the fact that Mr. Thumbledirk
was laboring in its own interest, threw
all the obstruction it could in the way
of further proceedings by alternately
straightening itself out into an abnor
mal condition pf such appalling rigid
ity that Mr. TWmbledirk was obliged
to hold its head tightly in one hand
and its heels in the other, and then
suddenly doubling itself up into so
small a knot that the poor man had to
hold his two hands close together,
like a bowl, and hold the baby as he
would a pint of sand, and these tran
sitions from one extreme to the
other were made with such startling
rapidity and appalling suddenness,
that Mr. Thumbledirk had to be
constantly on the alert, and his arms
ached so, and he exhibited such signs
of tatigu#and distress that the depot
policeman looked in to say to him
that if lie was tired out, he would
send in. a section hand or the steam
shovel to give him a spell.
It seemed to Mr. Thumbledirk that
he never heard so much noise come
from so small a baby in his life. The
more he turned it around and tossed
it about more its cloak and dress,
and skirts and things become entan
gled aronpd its neck, and now and
theu the mass ot drapery would get
over the I£> y’s face and stifle its cries
for a sefjlHl, but the noise would
come odPtiwonger than ever when the
tossing ntfle hands would tear away
the obstruction. And the louder the
baby steamed the faster the vigor
ous, fa* legs flew, kicking in every
crazy fly wheels with
the Sometimes Mr. Thum
bledirk made as high as a hundred
and eighty grabs a minute at those
legs and never touched one of them.
He was hot, blind and wild with ter
ror and confusion. Once he tried to
sing to the baby, but when he quaver
ed out a “ Hootcliy, pootchy, puddin’
and piegftlio women laughed, all but
talked bass
—sh' l UlUjJjllJ.*' in
lie gave" the baby his pearl handled
knife, aud the innocent threw it into
the stove. He gave it his gold watch,
ami it dashed it on the floor. He
gave it his emerald scarf pin, and the
baby put it into its mouth.
The pretty woman screamed.
The sad woman in the bombazine
shrieked.
The angular woman in the sun bon
net yelled, “Oh, mercy on us!”
The fat woman with the market
basket called wildly for a doctor.
The gloomy woman who talked
bass shouted hoarsely:
“ He's killed it!”
And Mr. Thumbledirk hooked his
finger into that child’s mouth and
choked it until its face was purple
and black, trying to fiud that pin.—
Aud Mr. Thumbledirk couldn’t hear
even the chattering woman. It beat
the air with its clenched fist, and
thrashed and kicked with its fat bare
legs, and wailed and howled and
choked and screamed and doubled
up and straightened out until Mr.
Thumbledirk, steeling his nerves to
the awful effort, clasped the scream
ing babv in his arms and arose to his
feet.
lie Avas going to go out and throw
himself and the baby under the first
train that came along.
The baby’s mother sprang in
through the door like an angle of
mercy.
She took the baby in her arms and
w ith one slight motion of one hand,
had its raiments straightened out so
exquisitely smooth that there Avasn't
a Avrinkle in it.
The baby lay in her arms as placid,
quiet, flexible, graceful and content
as a dream of Paradise.
The mother thanked Mr. Thumble
dirk for the agony and torture he had
endured so patiently for her. This
Avas the Avay she thanked him. She
did not look at him. She looked
straight out of the-window Avith a
stony glare, and said, in a tone that
made the themometer shiver:
“Mr. Thumbledirk isn’t a very good
nurse, is he baby ?”
All the Avomen smiled, except the
gloomy Avoman who talked bass. She
[ nodded approvingly.
11 The baby looked up into Mr. Thum
blodirk’s lace And laughed aloud.
What Mr. Thumbledirk said when
he dashed in at the sanctum last even
ing was this:
“By the avenging daughters of
Night, the everlasting, snake haired
Erynnes, the terror haunted shades
never knew the horrors that haunt
the soul of a sensible single man
that tries to take care of some other
fool’s howling squalling, squirming
baby !”—Burlington Hawkeye.
BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM
A Century Ago.
To begin with the lady: Her
locks were strained .upwards over an
immense cushion that eat like an in
cubus on her head, and plastered over
with pomatum, and then sprinkled
over with a shower of white pow
der. The height of this tower was
somewhat over a loot. One siugle
white rosebud lay on its top like an
eagle on a haystack. Over her neck
and bosom was folded a lace hand
kerchief, fastened in front by a bosom
pin rather larger than a copper cent,
containing her grandfather’s minature
set in virgin gold. Her airy form
was braced up in a satin dress, tbe
sleeves as tight as the natural skin of
the arm, with a waist formed by a
bodice, worn outside, whence the
skirt flowed off, and was distended at
the top by an ample hoop. Shoes of
white kid. with peaked toes, and
heels of two or three inches elevation
enclosed her leet, and glittered with
spangles. Now for the swain: His
hair was sleeked back and plentifully
beflowered, while his queue projected
like the handle of a skillet, llis coat
was a sky blue silk, lined with yel
low ; his long vest of white satin,
embroidered with gold lace; his
breeches of the same material, and
tied at the knee with pink ribbon.
White silk stockings and pumps with
laces, and ties of the same hue, com
pleted the habiliments of his nether
limbs. Lace ruffles clustered round
his wrist, and a portentions frill,
worked in corresponding style, and
bearing the minature of his beloved,
finished his appearance.
sn of \
“ Mary Jane,” said tfie ftaher’of
Estella Montmorenci de St. Claire j
the female Hercula, “ Mary Jane is
unquestionably one of the most draw
ing attractions billed with any show.
That act where while swinging by
the toeß she lifts the members of the
company in succession with her teeth
is a marvel of .esthetic grace and
culture.” “Yes,” says the mother,
proudly, “but I fear that we must
soon give up our darling child.”
“ Why ? I have noticed nothing.”
“Perhaps you have not, but a
mother’s eye—Mary Jane is in love
with Gennario Gonzales, the cata
clysm of California. Any one with
half an eye can see that at a glance.
Every night during her present en
gagement and at the Saturday mati
nees I have observed that when she
lifts the members of the company
with her teeth she keeps him sus
pended by the nape of the neck
twice as long as any of the others.
She does not conceal her preference,
and thus strive to be in his company
as much as possible. Her heart has
spoken.”
Nick Names of the States.
Arkansas, Toothpicks ; California,
Gold Hunters; Connecticut, Wooden
Nutmegs'; Delaware, Muskrats; Flor
ida, Fly-up-the-Creeks; Illinois, Suck
ers ; Indiana, Hoosiers; lowa, Hawk
eyes; Kansas. Jayhawkers; Ken
tucky, Corn Crackers; Louisiana,
Creeowls or Creoles; Maine, Foxes;
Massachusetts, Bay Staters; Michigan,
Wolverines; Mississippi, Tadpoles;
New Hampshire, Granite Boys; New
York, Knickerbockers; North Caro
lina, Tuckoes, Tar Boilers, or Tar
Heels; Ohio, Buckeyes ; Pennsylva
nia, Leatherheads, or Pennamites;
Rhode Island, Gun Flints; South
Carolina, Weasels; Tennessee, Cot
ton Maines; Texas, Beetheads ; Ver
mont, Green Mountain Boys; Virgin
ia, Beadies or Beagles; Wisconsin,
Badgers; Alabama, Lizards ; Colora
do, Rovers; Georgia, Buzzards;
M ary land, Craw-thumpers; Minnesota,
Gophers; Missouri, Pukes ; Nebraska,
Bug Eaters; Nevada, Sage Hens,
New Jersey, Blues or Clam Catch ers;
Oregon, W ebfeet.
RECIPES.
Ginger Pop. —Five pounds of loaf
sugar to five gallons of cold water,
four lemons, two ounces white root
ginger, four ounces cream tarter;
boil the sugar and giuger (previously
pound the latter;) when it has boiled
fifteen minutes strain it through *
flannel cloth into a large crock, put it
the cream tarter, slice also the lemoc
into it; let it stand until milk warm,
then add a teacup of yeast; 'let it stand
a little then bottle it tightly in stone
bottles; in three days it will be fit
for use.
Oranges Filled with dell;/. —Take
some very fine oranges, and with the
point of a knife cut out from the top
of each a round hole about the size of
a two cent piece ; then with a spoon,
empty them entirely, taking care not
to break the rinds. Throw the rinds
into cold water and make jelly of the
juice, which must be well pressed
from the pulp and strained as dear as
possible. Color one half red with
prepared cochineal and leave the other
very pale: wheu the jelly is nearly
cold, drain and wipe the rinds, and
fill them with alternate stripes of the
jellies; when they are perfectly cold,
cut them in quarters, and dispose
them tastefully in a dish, with a few
bunches of myrtle between them.—•
Different blanc-mange may be used
to fill the rinds ; the color should con
trast as much as possible.
Cream Cake. —Four cupfuls flour,
three cupfuls sugar, one of cream,
five eggs, one teaspoonful soda.
Jumbles. —One cupful butter, two
cupfuls sugar, one cupful sour milk,
one egg, soda, nutmeg, flour enough
to mold.
Peach Marmalade. —Peaches 100
ripe for preserving answer for mar
malade. Pare and quarter them, al
lowing three quarters of a pound of
sugar to each pound of fruit, and half
a pint of water to each pound ot
sugar. Boil one hour and ahalf, stir
ring constantly.
Baked Peach Pudding. —Line a
jdeep pudding dish with puff paste;
put in' a lHyer of peaches, pared anti.
sliced, then sprinkle with sugar, and
add a few bits of butter and a little
com starch ; then peaches and so on
until the dish is nearly full. Add a
teacupful or more—according to youi
dish, of hot water, and cover the
whole with the paste; prick well
with a fork and bake one hour.
Peach Pudding. —Pare and quar
ter nice, ripe peaches and line the
bottom of a deep dish; sift three
tablespoonfuls of pulverized sugar
over them. Take one pint of milk,
two tablespoonfuls corn starch, yolks
of three eggs, one cup sugar, and
make a boiled custard; pour one half
of the custard over the peaches; ther.
another layer of peaches and sugar,
and the rest of the custard. Beat the
whites of the eggs to a froth, flavor
with lemou, and cover the top of the
pudding; set into the oven to brown.
Patching. —A Massachusetts wo
man gives the following useful hints
on patching. “ A round or ‘crooked"
patch will inevitable thrust itself into
notice, as it is impossible to match
the threads. Then a patch should
never be ‘laid on,’ but always ‘set in.’
To this end first cut away carefully
by a thread all that is in the least
worn, and turn back and bast down
an even seam all around. The cor
ners may be slashed slightly in a di
agonal direction to keep them square.
Then to this opening fit the patch ex
actly, with the edges turned and
hasted; and sew it ‘over and over’ on
the wrong side with thread of the
precise shade and very fine, sewing
alternate opposite sides to avoid
trouble with the corners. The extra
thickness caused by the folded corners
of the patch itself should be cut out
after sewing, and a little fine darning
added to keep them secure. Now
alightly dampen and press on the
wrong side, and you have a neat piece
of mending which cannot be seen a
few feet away. Figures and stripedj
goods must of course be carefully
matched; heavy woolen fabrics, such
as men and boys wear, need not have
seams turned, the clean cut edge be
ing strong enough to hold.