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6 3 8 WITH THE JOKER. HIS SHARE. Judge —Was the stolen aiticlc gold) or only gilt? Prisoner—lt was silver, sor- ihe guilt was all on me, yer anner.—Jew eler’s Weekly- ANIMAL (SPIRITS. Zeba—Going anywhere tonight? g ear —yes; got to attend a donkey party up at Mewlsey’s- Zebra— That’s too bad- Ola Antlers told me to bring you along to his stag party. —Brooklyn Life. A CHANCE TO FIND OUT. “Pa, what’s a rebuff?” “You watch ma the next time I come home late to dinner and try to say something that will tickle Then you’ll see what a rebuff is.”—New York World. CHICAGO LADIES' REPARTEE- Mabel— Pshaw!' Why, you would marry the first man who came along. Lillian—Oh, well, you wouldn’t even wait for him to come along if you knew where he was hiding. —Chicago News. SUCH A BRUTE. Wife of His Shirt Bosom—Arc these your new collars! Husband—Yes, dearest- W. H. S. B. (in a tone of grieved astonishment) —But these are ltl sand I wear 14’s; and those last neckties you bought didn’t match a single gown I’ve got. FIOW HE WAS CURED. Mrs. McPherson was attracted by the following advertisement the other day: “To the Public—A gentleman who was cured of drinking, smoking, talk ing too loud, going out at nights, go ing to the races and gambling and who also gained 20 pounds of flesh in three years and was completely restored to health, will sell the secret to any re spectable person for half a crown. If no cure, money refunded- —Address, in confidence.” etc- Mrs. McPherson sent for the remedy and received the following reply: "I was cured of all the bad habits mentioned by a three years’ enforced residence in her majesty’s prisons- London Tit-Bits. HE'S GUESSING YET. Ye poet—Would that my muse might soar aloft and, cleaving the empyrean blue, find words to sing the glorious glory of your hair of burnished gold! Ye Maiden (Titian haired, but pro saic)—That sounds very pretty Mr. Scribbler, but do you know the differ ence between your poems and my hair? Ye Poet—Ah, a conundrum! I give it up. What is the difference, oh, fair est of your sex?' Yc Maiden —Well, my hair is red. BOOKKEEPING COMES HIGH “It makes me tired,” said the young man —“these advertisements guarantee ing to teach a person bookkeeping for $10.” “But can it be done?” was asked. “Not on your life! Why, I spent six months and over SIOO to learn the art, and what do you suppose happened at the close of the first year?” “Got your figures mixed?” “Well, I should smile! There was a discrepancy of S7OO between the cash book and my ledger, and my father had to make it good, while I hunted for an other job!” —Brooklyn Citizen- BOUND TO MAKE A NOISE. “You may scorn me now, Cassimere McGinness,” exclaimed the youth with eyes aflame and nostrils quivering, “be cause I am poor and unknown! (But, mark what I say, haughty girl! The world shall hear from me yet!” “So George,” she (answered sadly, “you are going to keep right on wear ing that suit of clothes, are you?” —Chi- cago Tribune. A FINANCIAL SHOCK- A man went to a local bank with a check which there was no cash on de posit to meet- When the paying teller declined to respond, the applicant loud ly demanded to see the cashier. “We have no ‘cash here’ for you,” quietly responded the teller. The man with the check saw the point. He removed in circles till he found his way out, tobogganed down the front steps and was led a block by a policeman before sufficiently recov ered to make explanation. —Detroit Free Press. THE FIFTH FEMININE AGE. - Until a few days I had always sup posed that there were but four ages in a woman’s life —the young, the still young, the well preserved and the el derly —but a man I know has added to my knowledge a fifth age- It comes in somewhere between the still young and the well preserved, I imagine. I said to him maliciously: “How old is Mrs. Blank? Is she a young woman?” “Not exactly,” he made answer, “She’s —well, she's at the age when a woman always tells you, when she in troduces her eldest son to you, that she was married ridiculously young.” — Washington Post- CH AN GED ACCOM PAN IM ENT. One can hardly be expected to have “music in his soul” when there is dis cord in his stomach, i Husband —What was that you were playing, my dear? Wife —Did you like it? “It was lovely —the melody divine, the harmony exquisite!” “It was the very thing I played last evening, and you said it was horrid-” “Well the steak was burned last evening.”—Stray Stories. flMfiiy'HHiM iTi \rarmSfi Anvone sending a sketch and description may quickly ascertain our opinion free whether an invention is probably patentable. Communica tions strictly confidential. Handbook on I atents sent free. Oldest agency for securing patents. Patents taken through Munn & Cos. receive special notice, without charge, in the Scientific American. A handsomely illustrated weekly. Largest cir culation of any scientific journal, lernis, fo a year; four months, fl. Sold by all newsdealers. MUNN & Cos. 361 Broadway New York Brauch Office. 625 F Bt.. Washington, D. C. THE FLORIDA AGRICULTURIST. Florida East Coast Ry. TIME TABLE NO. 21, IN EFFECT SEPT. 10, 1899. SOUTH BOUND (Read Down). NORTH BOUND (Read Up). &o 39 qc w. i*q No fiffiSS stations. SaSg-5 4 06p & 20a Leave Jacksonville Arrive 7 80p 10 55a 815 plO 30a Arrive St. Augustine Leave 6 20p 9 45a 5 20p 10 35a Leave St. Augustine Arrive 6 15p 9 40a 5 57p 11 lfia “ Hastings Leave 5 36p 9 04a 687 p 11 55a Arrive Palatka Leave 4 50p 8 20a 5 45p IToOa Leave Palatka Arrive 5 40p 9 10a 7 35p Arrive San Mateo Leave fr 30a 615 p 11 80a Leave East Palatka Leave 5 20p 8 48a 7 43p12 56p “ Ormond “ 347 p 713a 7 65p 108 p “ Daytona “ 336 p 7 Ola 8 05p 118 p " Port Orange “ 326 p 6 51a 8 26p 155 p “ New Smyrna “ 305 p 6 80a 851 p 2 22p “ Oak Hill “ 2 22p 6 05a 9 30p 3 OOp “ Titusville “ 1 45p 5 30a • ■■■■ 6 41p “ Eden “ 10 05a No. 646 p “ Jensen “ 10 00a No. 209 6 56p “ Stuart “ 9 50a 208 Daily 7 26p “ Hobe Sound “ 9 19a Daily ExTu 7 39p “ West Jupiter “ 9 07a Ex su 12 15a 813 p “ West Palm Beach “ 8 33a 1130 p 124a 839 p “ ...’ Boynton .. “ 8 06al0 26p * 149a 8 48p “ Delray • 7 57a100’2p 4 02a 9 37p “ Fort Lauderdale “ 7 07a 7 45p 6 14a 10 20p “ Lemon City “ 6 24a 5 55p 6 45a 10 30p Arrive Miami “ 615a 530 p BETWEEN NEW SMYRNA AND ORANGE CITY JUNCTION. No. 3 No. 1 STATIONS. ~TSTo. 2 N0.~4 8 05p 10 10a Lv New Smyrna Ar 12 55p 5 50p 8 50p 11 21a “ Lake Helen Lv 12 lOp 4 40p 4 02p1139a “ Orange City.. “ 12 00n 4 24p 4 05p 11 45a Ar Orange City Junction “ 11 55a 4 15p All trains between New Smyrna and Orange City Junction Daily except Sunday. BETWEEN TITUSVILLE A?.D~ SANFORD. No.ll| STATIONS. No. 12 700a Lv... ... Titusville Ar i 25p 7 13a “ Mims Lv 112 p 8 28a “ Osteen “ 1157a 8 50a “ Enterprise “ 11 35a 9 00a “ Enterprise Junction “ 1125a 9 30a Ar Sanford '. “ 11 00a All trains between Titusville and Sanford Daily except Sunday. KEY WEST AND HAVANA. The steamers of the Florida East Coast Steamship Company are appointed to sail as follows: STEAMSHIP COCOA. SOUTHBOUND. Leave Miami Sundays and Wednesdays; Arrive Key West Mondays and Thurs days. Leave Key West Mondays and Thursdays; Arrive Havana Tuesdays and Fridays. NORTHBOUND. Leave Havana Tuesdays and Fridays; Arrive Key West Tuesdays and Fridays. Leave Key West Tuesdays and Fridays; Arrive Miami Wednesdays and Saturdays. Departures from Miami will he made soon as possible after arrival of train 35 on sailing days. These Time Tables show the times at which trains and boats may be expected to arrive and depart from the several stations and ports, but their arrival or departure at the times Stated is not guaranteed, nor does the Company hold itself responsible for any delay or any consequences arising therefrom. For copy of local time card call at 226 West Bay Street, Jacksonville, or address J. P. BECKWITH, Traffic Manager. J. D. RAHNER, A. Q. P. A mDP JNr'V / M mTIII liM ■ M A Mtt K J Ufnt If T wSnTEBSaH?, “SAVANNAH LINE.” Florida to New York, Florida to Boston, a short Rail Ride to Savannah, Thence a short sea voyage. Fast Freight and Luxurious Passenger Route to New York, Boston and the East. Sailing from Savannah: Four ships each week to New York, and two to Boston. All ticket agents and hotels are supplied with sailing schedules. Write for general information, sailing se'hed u ; e s, Stateroom reservation, or call on, E. H. HINTON, Traffic Manager, ------ Savannah, Georgia. WALTER HAWKINS, Fla. Pasesnger \jrt. 224 W. Bay St., Jacksonville. Fla. W. J. FARRELL. Sol. Frt. Agt.