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THE .wimow MAIL.
J. F. WALLACE, Publisher. WINSLOW, ARIZONA. A WOMAN’S FROBL.EMS. When breakfast things are cleared away The same old problem’s rising. For she again sits down to think Os something appetizing. The dinner she must soon prepare. Or give the cook directions, And great is the relief she feels When she has made selections. When dinner things are cleared away The problem that is upper Is just the same, with one word changed— “ What can I get for supper?” Bhe wants to give them something new, And long is meditation Till choice is made, and then begins The work of rpeparation. When supper things are cleared away Again her mind is worried. For then she thinks of breakfast time. When meals are often hurried. She ponders o’er it long until The question is decided, Then hustles ’round till she makes sure _ That everything’s provided. Three times each day, week in, week out, This problem she is meeting. And often she is sore perplexed In making plans for eating. For one likes this and one likes that. And what is appetizing To some is by the other spurned As food that they're despising. That “woman’s work is never done’’ Has often been disputed. But that she’s worried is a fact, And cannot be refuted. The worry over what to eat Is greatest of these questions, And glad she'd be if some one else Would make the meal suggestions. —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. :: No Signs of Peace War Is Still Pairing in the <. Auberlj Flats. < ON THE street side the Auberly flat building presented an imposing and unbroken front to the world. The doorway in the middle of it was wide and beautifully arched, all the windows were trimmed with stone carvings, all the window shades were alike. The landlord had carefully seen to the latter point; he said that it made the building look more like a private house, al though not even a Klondike millionaire would have been likely to build a palace as large and impressive as the Auberly. But the landlord made a great point of the private-house-like appearance of the great building; he rented several flats annually solely upon this ground. The back of the Auberly building, "however, was less imposing. Long, skeletonlike porches stretched along it at etery floor, and these porches were not divided off into sections as were the flat to which they belonged. If they had been so divided various things would never have happened which did happen. But the only point of division which broke the long line of the porch on each floor was a strip of two-inch boarding which marked the place at which one section of veranda territory was merged into the next. And it was this little strip of boarding which caused all the trouble between the Hai lams and the McNaughtons. Mrs. Hallam, to begin with, instruct ed the man who sometimes worked for her to build a support for her porch box of flowers with this strip of plank for a foundation, and she quite forgot to mention the matter to Mrs. Mc- Naughton, who occupied the next flat on that floor, until the box was in place. Mrs. McXaughton, in spite of the summer-long friendship between them, was inclined to look upon this pro ceeding with disfavor. “Such impudence!” she exclaimed to her husband, as they sat at dinner. “To put a box on top of my boarding with out even consulting me. I*ll just wait until to-morrow and see what she says; that’s all!” Mrs. Ilallam, however, being annoyed In her turn by the disdainful glances she had received from Mrs. McXaughton upon the occasion of their stepping out upon the back porch simultaneously, said nothing whatever, and Mrs. Mc- Naughton’s anger increased mightily. The next day. aided and abetted in her decision by the gossip of the building, Mrs. Brewer, who zealously fanned the flame of the growing disagreement, she ordered the mar. who occasionally did n little work for her to take down the box, lift it over onto the Hallam side of the dividing line and remove the sup port upon which it stood. Mrs. Hallam, bitterly indignant, or dered her man to rebuild it and went to the matinee with a sense of triumph. She returned to find the support once more demolished and to hear Mrs. Mc- Xaughton exultantly relating the story to Mrs. Brewer by means of the air shaft. That evening the two husbands were called into the quarrel and each instructed to settle the matter. They met. pacifically at first, upon the back porch and argud the question across the miserable bit of boarding around which the trouble had grown. At heart each man was more than willing to let the matter drop, each considering the quarrel silly* in the ex treme; upon the surface, however, each was determined to uphold the dignity of his wife and to maintain her undis puted right to the possession of that strip of planking. The consequences of this insincere attitude of mind were several. The first and most noticeable was that the two wives, who. from be hind their respective screen doors, lis tened eagerly to the affray, were pres ently imploring them to stop hammer ing each other. “Don’t notice him, dear; he isn’t worth it,” screamed Mrs. Hallam. wild ly, rushing out and seizing her husband by the tail of his coat. “I wouldn’t bemean myself by touch ing such a man!” Mrs. McXaughton shrieked, catching hold of her husband’s arm. They managed to stop the fight, after much persuasion and entreaty, but after this incedent the two men, who had gone to the city together and turned in company every day since mov ing into the building, only glowered at each other when they met on the rail way platform and took opposite sidesof the pavement as they went to and from the depot. Xor did they longer go arm in arm to the suburban lodge to which both belonged. The lodge met upon tha evening following the battle upon the porch, however, jtnt! Ijotli oftemJet!. \\ was while they were absent from home for this reason that the next develop ment of the affair took place. Mrs. McXaughton, entering her kitch en for a glass of milk before retiring, was startled to see reaching forth out in front of her window a hand, which gleamed whitely out of the surrounding darkness. The superstition which Mrs. McXaughton has inherited from her great-aunt upon her mother’s side as serted itself instantly, and she screamed so loudly that Jennie, the hired girl, came running up from the court, where she had been enjoying herself with a young man, to see w hat was the matter. When Mrs. McXaughton discovered that the ghostly hand was attached to Mrs. Hallam’s body, and that it was engaged in emptying a coffeepot full of grounds into a dish she instructed Jeunie to carry them back to Mrs. Hallam with a message to # the effect that she, Mrs. McXaughton, knew that Mrs. Hallam could not afford to lose them and to re turn immediately. The grinning maid returned presently wdth the message that Mrs. Hallam knew Mrs. McXaugh ton was fond of coffee, pitied her for being too poor to buy the best quality, and had deliberately made her a pres ent of the grounds. Then Mrs. McXaughton made a huge pot of coffee, carried it to the back porch and carefully poured it over as large an area of Mrs. Hallam’s territory as she could compass. She finished by emptying the grounds all over the door step. Then she retired to await her husband’s return and to think over the affair with growing wrath and con tempt for Mrs. Hallam, her erstwhile friend and matinee companion, and the next morning the two handmaids who served the Hallams and the McXaugh tons, respectively, also came to angry words about the coffee grounds. Later in the day Mrs. McNaughton's pet dog strayed across to the Hallam part of the porch, as he had been wont to do ever since the first of May. when the two families had moved in simul taneously, and was surprised to find himself seized, beaten and thrown across to his own portion of the ve randa. Mrs.McXaughton witnessed this inhuman treatment upon the part of Mrs. Hallam with indignant tears, and when, half an hour afterward, little Johnny Hallam, 2y s years old, toddled up to her door he was treated to a mild spanking and sent wailing home to his mother. The latter rushed out to meet him as he made his noisy way back to her and met Mrs. McNaughton’s triumphant smile. The quarrel which ensued was so bit ter that all the other tenants of the building came to see and hear it, and ’YY.Y YrY J ' A— - i / MRS. HALLAM DELIVERED AN UL TIMATUM. only ceased when a policeman, resting in the alley, strolled up to see what the matter was. That night both husbands sought the landlord, and next day he appeared with a carpenter, w ho utilized the narrow strip of boarding which had caused all the trouble as a foundation upon which to rear a six-foot partition between the two sections of the long porch which stretched all across the building on that floor. Both women were inclined to resent this action upon the part of the landlord at first, but now: “The impudent thing who lives next door actually had a flower box built up on the strip of wood which edged rnj porch," is the way in which Mrs. Mc- Xaughton tells the story, “and the land lord had that partition put up so she couldn't annoy me any longer.” “1 never saw such au unpleasant neighbor as the woman who lives next door,” is Mrs. Hallam’s version of the affair, told to her friends and cronies and such of the other women in the building as have espoused her side oi the quarrel—now become an Auberly classic. “Why, the landlord actually had to have that partition built in order to procure a little peace forme!” So the wily landlord prevented either tenant from breaking the lease which bound them to the Auberly flat building until the first of next May, and the af fair blew over with no consequences more serious than Mrs. Hallam and Mrs. McXaughton no longer go to the mati nee together, while the McXaughton dog and the Hallam baby are not the warm friends they used to be. And as for the two husbands—well, it is true that they still choose opposite sides of the street for their walks to and from the depot, but it is rumored that they have beeu seen to nod to one another when meeting upon the station plat form, and it is reported that the wife of each has been heard to call the husband of her choice a mean-spirited creature, and to remark tauntingly that “she wouldn’t be the first to back down.” The other Auberly tenants meanwhile are divided into two factions—that which sides with Mrs. McXaughton and that which takes Mrs. Hallam’s part. Some of the families have moved into the building since the active portion of the quarrel was stopped by the building of the partition on the back porch and only know of the trouble by hearsay, but that alters the matter not a whit. The quarrel between Mrs. Hallam and Mrs. McXaughton is as much a part of the Auberly atmosphere as the peren nial complaint about the condition of the alley or the unceasing indignation about the uncarpeted upper halls. And in the heat and bitterness induced by the quarrel almost everybody has for gotten just how the matter started; it is probable that neither of the two original fighters could iiptv state defi nitely what was the rouuneht'einpr.t pf t&t trnijble.. ClJcago (‘jwnj}iciß. The Cause of Free Silver. THE STANDARD HOCUS-POCUS. Choose Between Scarce Money with Low Prices and More Money with Higher Prices. Double standard is a misnomer. So also is single standard, monometal lism and bimetallism. The word stand ard presupposes stability, but in fed eral money there is no stability. By the concurrence of the American gov ernment bankers and importers will sometimes in the course of a month or two export many millions of dollars in gold or silver coins which are coined into legal tender money to “provide for the general welfare” of the people, thus destroying the standard of value; and a large consignment of gold from the Klondike or Cripple Creek w ill in flate prices, making our standard as unstable as the wind. Xo man can re fute Bryan’s logical reasoning that “if an influx of gold from the Klondike will make times better for business, more money will make times still bet er.” Suppose that increase of our money is silver or greenback legal tender. “All the same” it makes more money and bigger prices for labor and products, and if we do not promise to redeem them in gold they will not be presented for redemption. Take the silver dollar as example. They are not presented for redemption. Why? Be cause there is no law for their redemp tion. Yet they stand at par with gold money which the government so much delights to honor. Let any man take off his political eyeglasses and look at the question logically. Is his interest better subserved by the government promising to redeem his silver money or his greenback money, or to make it a legal tender and coir iel every other man in our government v? take it at the face value from him? Tx.*. truth is, we have no business with an international agreement on the ratio of weights in our coins, as they are not coined and made a legal tender in any other coun try but our own. If a man wants to buy goods or pay a debt in Europe he does not send gold money or silver money’ or paper money, but bills of exchange, and one kind of money will buy as much exchange as another, and the price of the metal in it cuts no figure in the transaction because the money he has ia left in this country that cre ated it, and it was intended to serve the people here and should stay here. It is as much of an injustice to “the general welfare” to export gold or sil ver coins, thus contracting our money and reducing prices of labor and prop erty, as it is to suffer counterfeiters to inflate prices without authority of congress. The Gresham law% cited by Mr. Keeler, is a kind of hocus-pocus in finance. If congress controlled money as it ought to do there would be no money worth more or worth less than another kind, and no basis for the hocus-pocus Gresham law. Congress should make it the same crime to melt or export our money which it had prepared for our use as to counterfeit it and make more. The whole equation of money can be relegated to two equivalents, scarce money and low’ prices (as per gold standard, for that is the mean ing of it), and more money with high er prices (as per free silver and legal tender paper, for that is the object of that). Do you want higher or lower prices? “Choose you which you will,” and vote that way.—Mississippi Valley Democrat. GOLD AND THE PEOPLE. Practical Working of Theory That the Money Hardest to Get Is the Best Money. Mr. Edison has invented a process that successfully extracts the small particles of gold that are known to exist in the sands of New Mexico, Ari zona, Southern California and doubt less elsewhere. The sands of the \ el low-stone and Missouri rivers also con tain gold, but not in quantity sufficient ly large to pay for working by any process in use before Mr. Edison’s in vention. Now if this invention should result in bringing all this gold into commerce it will prove an estimable blessing to mankind, and incidentally prove the truth of bimetallic argument, namely, that an abundance of money makes times good and brings comfort and luxury to the people. Recent new discoveries of gold and our large bal ances of trade, also in gold, have done this In the United States for those who were already rich; but gold, does not come down to the poor, and consequent ly they have felt its benefits only as the crumbs fail from the rich man’s table. Silver is the poor man’s money—the money that circulates among the mass es, and it is the only money that does or can fill the place. The rich have been blessed w ith an abundance of gold —“the rich man’s money”—now they should be generous and give the poor a chance. It is said that the salt water of the sea is also largely impregnated with gold, and if this be true some wizard of invention will find away to get it out. And who will say that the dream of the old alchemists, who imagined they could compound gold from its natural elements, may not soon lie realized? When that time shall come, each cit izen can have his private gold mine in his back parlor, and compound enough for his daily needs before breakfast in the morning. Then what will become of the “intrinsic” value theory? and will the money changers still insist on having all other kinds of money “re deemed” in gold? Hardly! When those golden days shall have arrived, the misers will demand that their money Vie “redeemed” in diamonds, or some other product equally as hard to get—their ideas of redemption being that the redeeming factor should con sist of something which they hold as a monopoly and which nobody else can get without playing the character of “hands up ’ in the old highwayman's game of "stand and deliver.” For that is precisely w hat is meant by “redeem ing ’ money; and any man who sin cerely believes that money ought to be redeemed in some one particularly scarce and hard-to-get commodity is at heart » highwayman— qr a Simple Simon who doesn’t know-' enough to know better,—MDfde*jpi> Galley Pem» otuut, ' p A MATTER OF COURSE. Money Power Xo Longer Carries on Its Work Secretly ami by In trigue anti llribery. At the recent convention of the Amer ican Bankers’ association in Cleveland, 0., the following resolution was unan imously adopted: The bankers of the United States most earnestly recommend that the congress of the United Slates at its next session enact a law to more firmly and unequivocally es tablish the gold standard in this country, by providing that the gold dollar, which under the existing law is the unit of value, shall be the standard and measure of all values in the United States; and that the obligations of the government and all paper money, including circulating notes of na tional banks, shall be redeemed in gold coin and that the legal tender notes of the United States, when paid into the treasury, shall not be reissued except upon the de posit of an. equivalent amount of gold coin. There was a time when the Roths child money power carried on its work secretly and Jay intrigue and bribery. It was at that stage of its progress when it bribed Senator Sherman to se cure by stealth and fraud the demon etization of silver in the United States, and he carried out the will of his mas ters by employing the forces of false hood, fraud and forgery. If any ob ject to the vigor nr explicitness of these terms, let him possess his soul in patience, for a book is now in press that will contain-the proof of each of these several charges. But the crime of enslaving the world to the money power has advanced to a point where it can afford occasionally to act in the open, to advance out of ambush and declare plainly what it means. And therefore we have this resolution of the Bankers’ association—composed of ab ject slaves of the money power—boldly published to the world. It means that at the approaching ses sion of congress the entire influence of the money power, acting under the command of Baron Rothschild, will be exerted to secure the enactment of the infamous Gage-McCleary bill, or some thing equally as bad. It means that another turn in the death-screw of the gold standard garrote is to be made; that the people’s money, silver and greenbacks, is to be destroyed, and government bonds substituted in its place as a basis for additional issues of national bank sliinplasters, by which means the people will be forced to pay double interest for the currency that they ought to have free. Interest on the bonds and interest on the money bottomed on the bonds. Double inter est concentrating the single standard gold basic men jy all the more rapidly in tht vaults cf one family. This is the Rothschild plan. Meanwhile, as a future protection against anticipated vigorous protests on the part of the cheated and debt enslaved populace, an imperial army of 100,000 roughs and desperadoes has been organized, ostensibly to subdue the Filipinos, but in fact for the sup pression of liberty at home. All sin gle standard advocates are monarch ists at heart, and monarchy is the pill that is being capsuled for the Ameri can people to swallow in the not dis tant future. Much will depend on the action of congress.—Mississippi Valley Democrat. NOW ONE OF THEM. Attitude of Carlisle as a Member o# the House and as Secretary of the Treasury. John G. Carlisle, when a member ol the house of representatives, declared in a speech delivered in that body that the demonetization of silver was “the most gigantic crime of this or any other age,” and that it w as a greater calamity than war, pestilence and famine com bined. Such was the strong language of Mr. Carlisle before he was taken in and made secretary of the treasury, for the specific purpose of fastening that “gigantic crime” upon the people of the United States. The demonetization of silver created a pretext for the sale of United States bonds. It was while a vast amount of silver was in the treasury in the form of bullion that Mr. Carlisle and Mr. Cleveland met J. Pierpont Morgan and the agent of the Rothschilds in Wash ington, at the dark hour of midnight, and made a sale of bonds to them, which yielded a clear profit to the parties to the transaction of more than $8,000,000. The government, of course, lost that amount in the bargain. How this enor mous swag was divided may never be known outside of the parties to the in famy. But what has become of Carlisle? In stead of returning to bis home in Cov ington. Ky„ when his term of office as secretary of the treasury expired, lie pointed for Wall street. New York, and became the attorney of Morgan and other large money-changers. “Actions speak louder than words.” Los Angeles Herald. THOSE SILVER DOLLARS. Why Only 8.000,000 of Them Were Coined in the United States Previous to 187:5. Many people think that because there were but 8,000,000 silver dollars coined in the United States previous to 1573 we were not upon a bimetallic stand ard. The reason no more silver dol lars were coined in the United States was because the ratio of fifteen and one half to one prevailed at the French mint, which made silver worth $1.33 an ounce, whereas our ratio of sixteen to one made it worth $1.29 an ounce. The holder of silver bullion in the United States, at the expenditure of one cent per ounce, could transmit his silver to the French n-int and thus make three cents more per ounce than lie could make by having it coined into American dollars. Is it any wonder, then, that there were no more silver dollars coined in America than 8,000,- 000? But during that period the great quantity of silver that we transferred to France was doing duty and service as money in Europe, and was therefore relieving the strain upon gold equally jis much as if that silver were in cii filiation In the United ■"Jiljnnij stew iiegistiT, PERSONAL AND LITERARY. Eobert Watts, of ConnersvilP, has at tended 46 of the 47 Indiana state fairs. W. H. H. Ilart, the colored philan thropist whose experiment with a ne gro boys’ farm in Washington is at tracting attention, was born a slave in 1657. Archduke Rainer has presented to the Hofbibliothek of Vienna his famous collection of papyri, consisting of 70,600 Greek, 30,000 Arabic, and 5,000 Coptic manuscripts. Admiral Dewey barely got through the Naval academy at the foot of the class, and Capt. Carter, in prison for embezzlement, passed West Point with the highest honors ever given to a cadet. Prof. Lombroso, the alienist, has at hist come to the conclusion that a man of g’enius need not necessarily be in sane. He is convinced that Goethe, though a sublime poet, was of normal and healthy mind. Ex-Queen Liliuokalani is living in Washington, but insists on being treat ed as a royal personage. A young col ored girl who applied to Queen “Lil’s” lady in waiting for the position of maid to “her majesty,” on being told all that was expected of her, said, indignantly: “No, miss; no, miss. Bad ’nuf to wo>\k for a darky, anyhow; but a darky dat ’spects all dat, not es I knows it; not es 1 knows.” Eoseoe W. Davis, of the Thirty-third United States volunteers, is the wealth iest private soldier belonging to this country. His home is Marfa, Tex., where he owns a splendid ranch, with hundreds of thousands of cattle. There ’s no doubt he could have obtained a commission had he applied, but he pre fers to earn promotion from the ranks. The regiment was organized at San An tonio. Eobert Barr is telling a story of a jest played by him upon a London ed itor. It was when he was running the Idler and happened to have one of Mr. Kipling’s stories in his possession. Dis believing in this particular editor’s judgment, he submitted Mr. Kipling’s story to him without a name. The ed itor promptly returned it as poor stuff. Mr. Barr has not ventured to call upon that editor since. He is now at work, by the way, upon another series of short stories. TRIALS OF A SUBURBANITE. How an Obedient Husband Executed a Commission for His Wife Vnder Difficulties. Mr. and Mrs. X were out of town for the summer—that is, Mrs. X was out of town, while Mr. X divided his time, the city, trolley cars and the sub urban hotel in which his wife was dom iciled, all claiming a part of it. Life to Mr. X was not a rosy dream of bliss, for he was warm while in the city, crowded in the cars and eaten by mos quitoes at night; besides all this he always had a parcel of some sort to carry, though it had never been greater than a nut cake, put up nicely in a box and intended for the delectation of the particular hotel card clique of which Mrs. X is a member. One da}', how ever, as Mrs. X bade her liege lord good-by on the hotel steps, she intrust ed him with a delicate mission, to bring out that evening a new tulle hat which she had just had made to wear at a garden party. “If you forget it,” said Mrs. X , solemnly, “life will be one great desert of Sahara to you for weeks, for 1 won’t be able to go to the smartest event of the season.” “If I forget it,” responded Mr. X , “may my right hand forget its cun ning.” Then he took down the address and raced madly down the walk to catch the restive trolley. That afternoon he forgot the hat un til he was fairly on the ear ready to go home, but the desert of Sahara loom ing black or yellow before him, he jumped hastily off and proceeded to hunt up the artist in headwear. The chapeau was ready for him in what he thought was an unnecessarily large box, but when he turned to leave with it the face of the saleswoman clouded a bit. “Madam has not an account here; ten dollars is the price,” «he hinted, deli cately. “1 thought she had paid for it,” said Mr. X——, blushing furiously, as he thrust his hand into one pocket after another, only to discover that his cash on hand was $3.50. Then he looked the situation in the face grimly, lie was totally unknown to the milliner, all his friends were out of town, gone out on the car that should have carried him, in fact, and the banks were closed. He glanced at the floor for inspiration and caught the gleam of his watch chain. “1 will he back in just one moment.” he said, debonai rely, tot he saleswoman, and disappeared from view. When he came back lie had the money, but no wateli. Mrs. X was delighted with the ef fect of her hat that afternoon, and, not being gifted with second sight, no vi sions ol pawnshops arose to disturb her pleasure in it, but Mr. X was in a very bad humor for at least three days after the episode.—Baltimore Mews. Care of Young Palm*. A subscriber asks for information re garding the care of young palms. I would suggest tha. a soil composed of one-half common garden soil, re mainder equal parls of well-rotted manure, leaf-mold, sand and finely chopped sod. all thoroughly mixed, be used for potting the palm. Water only as often as the soil in the pot ap pears to become somewhat dry—not dust-dry, but showing a small amount of moisture left—then apply the water liberally. Keep the plant out of direct or strong sunlight, which has a tenden cy to make the foliage of a light color. The plant should not, however, be con signed to a dark corner, but be kept in good light, and where there is plentv of good fresh air and no drafts. The leaves, especially the under surfaces, should be sponged at least once a week with tepid water made slightly soapy. This will prevent the attacks of scale-insects so often troublesome. If any scale-insects should appear, how ever, they may be removed with the point of a leadpencil.—-Eobert E. Mc- Gregor, in Woman’s Home-Companion. Dislicnrltiiing Advice. "Mercy, Louise, what a doleful ex pression your photograph has on.” “Yes; I was feeling ail right until ilie photographer told me to lookpleus . -Detroit Fret Press, WIT AND Vy t ISDOM. Everything comes to him who -waits —with the exception of wealth.—Chi cago Daily Xews. Fatal. —Cleverton —"Do you think it is possible to love two girls at the same time?” * Dashaway—“Not if they know it.” —Puck. Xever lay out all you can afford; for he who la}'s out everything he can af ford lays out more than he can afford. —Arab Maxim. If there were nothing in a name, com fortable clothing could not possibly be made to cost enough to be swell. —De- troit Journal. The gas and the lamp don’t stand much show when there’s a couple of spoony lovers around. They get turned down every time. —Philadelphia Eec ord. “I hear that you assisted at the post mortem examination of your old en emy,” said Gaswell to a surgeon of his acquaintance. “Yes; I cut him dead.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. “That is a capital winter effect you’ve got there, Chrome. It really looks cold!” “It ought to! I pawned my overcoat to buy the canvas!”—Brook lyn Life. It Was an Inherited Gift. —“Johnnie, you talk too much.” “See here, dad, am I to blame for your marrying into a talkative family?” Cleveland Plain Dealer. “They say Troppo, the concert pi anist, always practices with a phono graph running opposition.” “How strange! What’s his object?” “Why, it makes him feel as if he were playing before a fashionable audience.”—Phil adelphia Bulletin. “Are you a brakeman on this road ?” asked the passenger. “No sir,” replied the person addressed, “I am a broke man. The conductor just cleaned me out at craps.” Philadelphia North American. HOW A LIE WILL LIVE. Ex-Senator Blair Says He Xever Favored a Scheme to Thaw the \orth Pole. The following communication to the Palladium from former United States Senator Henry W. Blair, of New Hamp shire, will be read with a good deal of interest in Connecticut: “Manchester, N. H., Aug. 28, 1899. — Editor Palladium, New Haven, Conn.: Dear Sir: Some loving friend has fur nished me with your article of August 21 ascribing to me a scheme to ‘turn the waters of the Mississippi into Hudson’s bay,’ and incidentally thaw out the north pole. “1 wish to say. with all proper solem nity, through the same wide-reaching columns, that I am not the author of any such scheme, and that I have known that water would run downhill and would freeze when it was cold enough ever since I can remember. “At the request of a prominent citi zen and business man of my state I once introduced in the senate for refer ence to the committee on commerce a proposition (with accompanying pa pers) made by a quite able friend of his to turn the gulf stream, or a part of it, through the Bay of Fundy into the Gulf of St. Lawrence, with a view to warming up things a little along the coast of Labrador. The petitioner who desired to be heard by the committee had some support from scientific men. “Perhaps he included a discussion of the Mississippi-Hudson bay project also —I don’t now remember. “But for myself, unless Canada and the United States were united political ly, I would never give them a drop of our warm water; not a drop, whether byway of the gulf stream or by run ning the Mississippi uphill. “When we are one people, as we ought to be, they may have the best we have got and all they want of it. so far as I am concerned. “I did this very proper and usual thing for my constituent many years ago, at a time when a hot and rather bitter political campaign had just ter minated in my favor, and a newspaper man who was disappointed, and who afterward greatly regretted his act, seized the opportunity to charge upon me the authorship of the scheme itself. “It has been several times contra dicted and explained in the press by the man who set the story afloat, by the gentleman who requested me to intro duce the proposition and by others. I never noticed it formally before. “This happened 20 years ago. How a lie will live! This one has already sur vived the author of the scheme, the author of the lie and most of its early promulgators, but the lie itself seems likely to run as long as Tennyson’s brook. “I wish you would help me dam it for a little while. It will never dry up. Truly yours, Henry W. Blair.” —New Haven Palladium. One of Job's Comforter*. Some persons have peculiar ideas of how to cheer one up. A fond Brooklyn mother was endeavoring the other day at the breakfast table to comfort her daughter, who had not received a letter for several days from her fiance. “I am sure he is forgetting m£,” wailed Georg-iana, refusing to eafc her toast. “Oh, I don’t think so, dear,” said the fond mother. “He always used to say he couldn’t possibly do it.” “But I never believed him,’’.exclaimed Georgiana, shaking her head defiantly. “He s so taken up with the fall shooting that lie thinks of nothing else.” Mamina tried once more. ‘‘Perhaps his gun exploded and he has been so in jured that he couldn’t write,” she said, soothingly. Georgiana instantly burst into tears, and the good old mother was keenly disappointed that her effort to comfort the girl had so signally failed.—Chicago Times-llerald. His Exca.se. Mrs. Good —Why will you drink, my I friend? Why not welcome Admiral j Dewey soberly? Patrick Murphy, U. 8. N.—Me good lady, Oi’m not only welcomin’ Admiral Dewey, but Oi’m dhrownin’ me grief. Think av me bein’ twinty-wan years in thenavyan’missin the battleav Manila! —Puck. Tribute to His Eloquence. “Dat wuz a po’ful appeal yo’ made frum tie puipif,'Brer Jackson •' “I’m right glad yo’ tho t so, Brer ’Eastuc. Wuz yo’ moved ?” “Yes, sali; ■mos’po’ful'! • litadJehol’ myself in frum puttin’ semeijiju’ ir. d* coctnlni’lupii box! Kimberley’s Jokes. It is said that the only time James G. Blaine was nonplussed was while he was secretary of state. One of the appli cants for a consulate in Japan was the late Samuel Kimberley, of Baltimore, who died in the service of Central America. After he had presented his credentials Mr. Blaine said: _ ll l should like to appoint you, Mr. Kimberley, but I have made it a rule to recommend no one who does not speak the language of the country to which he is sent. Do you speak Jap anese?” “Cert-t-tainly, Mr. Blaine,” stam mered Mr. Kimberley. “A-a-ask me s-s-something in J-J-Japanese and I’ll a-a-answer you. ” a\li. LI dine Lad not a word to sav, but the Japanese post went to another man, all the same, and Kimberley went to Central America. Another story is told of Kimberley equally creditable to his nimble wit. One day he met a young woman who threw her arms impulsively around his neck and kissed him. Seeing her mis take, she drew back and angrily asked: “Aren’t you Mr. Jones?” “N-n-no, madam.” replied Mr. Kim berley, bowing; “I’m n-n-not, but I w-w-wish to thunder I w-w-was.” Philadelphia Post. Why Smith Goil Mad. Young Mr. and Mrs. Smith were pre paring to make a visit to friends for a few days. Their baby was only two months old, but was an important member of the family, just the same. Mr. Smith was upstairs aud Mrs. Smith downstairs, putting on her things and getting ready to start. “Hubby,” she called out to her better half on the floor above, “please bring me my gloves. They are lying on the dresser. And bring me my overshoes and veil and that hatpin lying on top of the chiffonier and a few of those animal crackers for baby, and don’t forget the baby’s toothbrush.” Poor hubby had a hard time finding everything liiawife wanted. He was a long while making his appearance aud finally his wife called to him: “What is keeping you, dear?” “Oh, that confounded tooth brush for baby. I have everything but that.’’ Then Mrs. Smith laughed. “You silly duck,” she said, “did you not know’ that I was only joking? The baby, bless her dear little heart, hasn’t a tooth to her name.” That was why hubby got so mad and “said things” as he was coming downstairs. A man never likes to have a joke played on him by his wife.—Pittsburgh Chronicle- Telegraph. Breaking the News Gently. When Thomas T. Crittenden was governor of Missouri he achieved a wide reputation for the persistency and success with which he pursued the members of the notorious James gang to their ruin. Since the dispersion of these highwaymen the state of the “Big Muddy” has been free from this form of crime. Crittenden, after hav ing served as consul general in Mexi co, has settled down to the practice of law. During his term as chief execu tive of his state he had a colored hos tler w T ho wms much in awe of his em ployer. The man was apologetic over trifles, but when the governor’s favor ite horse died one night the case seemed to be beyond the man’s power of palli ation. lie wuandered about the stable yard for a long time, lost in thought. Tlufh going to-Oittenden’s presence he said: “Guv’nor, that yere black horse, Pluto, ain’t a goin’ to live berry long.” “What makes you say that, Ben?” asked the governor, in surprise. “’Case he am dead.” —Pittsburgh Dis patch. Tli© Feminine Observer. We always criticise; others find fault. How can there be time for every thing when so much of it is wasted? It is wonderful how few persons have scruples about stealing photo graphs. We are always satisfied with so much less in ourselves than in anyone else. Rickey and rickety are synonymous, judging by the effect of this insidious drink. Many a man has paid more to have a fan mended than the fan originally cost. A woman’s way is to get the best of an argument, and then cry as though her heart would break because she has done so. The bicycle girl thinks love ah end less chain of delight, while the golf girl talks only of the way it links two souls in unison. There is one great joy about not owning any jewelry. You do not have to lie awake nights fearing the bur glars will get in aud steal it.—Phila delphia Times. The Yacht Itace Defined. “Well, what do you think of that!” “You don’t tell me.” “Say, is that on the square?” “Well, it’s a wonder they wouldn’t do something.” “Why don’t they shake for it?” “Again?” “Wouldn’t that kill you?” (i t>> “Aw, that makes me tired.” “Why don’t they get a few ward politicians to stand on the beach and blow?” All of which shows how general is the interest in the yacht race and the fact of there being no wind. —Detroit Free Press. : “Duly Feed Man and Steed ” | Feed your nerves, also, on pure blood, ♦if you would have them strong, den • ♦ and women who are nervous are so<be- , J cause their nerves are starved. W hen ♦ they make their blood rich and pure t with Hood's Sarsaparilla their nervous' l ness disappears because the nerves are ♦ properly Rerr.ereber^ Wlt.iS Cures a Cough or Cold at |nl Conquers Croup without fail. ml Is the best for Bronchitis, Gnppe. r^l Hoarseness, Whooping-Cough.nod M a via >■ VA Bend for free booklet. Mtloß. 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