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The Winslow mail. (Winslow, Ariz.) 1893-1926, November 23, 1899, Image 3

Image and text provided by Arizona State Library, Archives and Public Records; Phoenix, AZ

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn96060765/1899-11-23/ed-1/seq-3/

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KURNEL BUNKER
Some of His Army Experiences, as Related by Himself.
BY M. QUAD. (Copyrighted)
“Yes, &ah, I will smoke, sail,” replied
Kurnel Bunker after tenderly setting
down liis glass and carefully wiping
off his mustache. “I hold, sah, that
smoking is one of the attributes of a
gentleman, sah, and that there is as
much gcnteeluess in smoking a cigar
in proper form as in bowing yourself
out of a drawing room. Therefo’ I
smoke, sah, and I enjoy it, sah, and
this cigar promises to be a good one.
“Speakin’ of the wah, sah —speakin’
of what had been termed the fratrici
dal tragedy,” continued the Kurnel as
lie settled down, “I have every reason
to believe that I came out of it with
credit to myself and the cause. I don’t
refer altogether to my conduct in bat
tle. There were side issues, sah—sev
eral side issues—which I had to face
and overcome. Soon after I became
majah of my regiment I met up with
Majah Goldwin, of an Alabama regi
ment. \Ye were thrown together by ac
cident, sah, and we became convivial,
sah, and it was while in a state of con
viviality that Majah Goldwin expressed
the wish that we had a Napoleon to
lead the confederate troops. I could
onlj- take his words as an imputation
on the military skill of the gallant
Gen. Lee, sah, and almost as soon as
he had uttered them my glove struck
his face, and I asked him to name the
time, place and weapons. There we
were, sah—Majah Bunker vs. Majah
Goldwin, and we met at sunrise the
next mawnin’ with swords as weapons.
1 was never in better spirits in my
life, sah —cool, calm and determined,
and I resolved to fo’ce the lighting from
the word. I even had the spot selected
through which my sword was to pass
into the majah’s body. I should have
killed my man, sah—pierced him
through and through, but as we re
ceived our swords he remarked to me:
“ ‘Majah Bunker, I wish it to be un
derstood that I had no thought of cast
ing aspersions on the character of our
brave general. I meant that Napoleon
should only lead under Lee.’
“That put a different look on matters,
of co’se,” said the Kurnel, “and after
some further conversation the duel was
declared off. As a man of honah, sah,
I had taken the majah as he said; as i
a man of honah, sah, he had said one j
thing and meant another. Gen. Lee j
sent for me. but what passed between
us I shall hold sacred —sacred as the
DŚFSF
grave, sah. Don’t you think smoking i
conducive to thirst?”
I did, and after the Kurnel had put
in eight minutes assuaging the dryness
of his throat he picked tip the rem
nant of his cigar and continued:
“Egad, sah, but give a man a repu
tation as a* duelist and his work will
be cut out for him. It soon became
noised about that I had brought Majah
(J old win to bock, and I had scarcely
been promoted to a lieutenant colonelcy
when Adjt. Gen. Graham, of the Third
corps, took opportunity to criticise the
wav 1 led my men into action at Glen
dale. When we charged, sah, 1 was
at the head of the regiment, sah. I
waved nn sword five times around my
head anil then lowered it, and the ad
jutant contended that I was short by
two waves. We had an argument which
grew into a dispute, and at length I
looked him straight in the eyes and
said:
“ ‘Adjt. Graham, should it be your
pleasure to meet me ou the field of
honuh 1 will endeavor to wave my
sword until one or the other of us has
received full satisfaction!’
“Egad, sah, but I've been told that
my remarks were trite and to the point,
and I rather reckon they were. We
met early next mawuin’. My attitude
was the same as befo', sah—the same
as befo'. That is, it was calm and de
termined, with a feeling that 1 should
conquer. To do the adjutant justice,
he toed the mark, but there was a
great difference in our demeanor —a
great difference in my favor. We were
about to place ourselves on guard when
the adjutant stepped back and said:
“ ‘Kurnel Hunker, 1 am heah at your
service—at your service, sah—but as a
man of honuh l w'ish to make an ex
planation. At Glendale you waved your
sword five times around your head and
called upon your brave men to follow
you. 1 was uuder the ideah, sah, that
the tactics called for seven waves, and
hence our dispute and this meeting.
Last evening 1 locked up the matter
and discovered that we were both
wrong. It is .six waves of the sword,
Kurnel I.linker —six waves and a de
termination to conquer or die.’
“Well, sah,” said the Kurnel as lie
slowly pushed the ashes off his cigar
with his linger, “as we were both
wrong, and as we were both men of
honuh, the only way to do was to
tliake hands over the matter and be
come reconciled. I was pleased, and
yet not quite satisfied. I had deter
mined to pink the adjutant, sah to
pink him in the right shoulder, and I
lilt that I had surrendered a privilege.
The credit of calling liim out was
mine, however, and I could not fail to
observe that 1 had gained a point or
two. T•’ weeks later 1 was a full kur
nel. You can draw your own inference,
sah- your own inference. I observe
I hr* T it is now three o’clock in the even
teg. Ii ** usual custom at tJiis
hour—. That is, at three o'clock in the
evening—.”
There was no reason why his usual
custom should be broken in upon, and
after it bad been duly respected he
gracefully crossed his legs and mus
ingly observed:
“I should have killed Kurnel Hopson,
sah—killed him stone dead at the first
fire, but for an nnlooked-for interrup
tion. At the battel of Manassas 1 bad
three horses shot under me three
horses, sah. A year later, one day
while conversing with Kurnel Hopson
on the incidents of that battle, he
turned and said:
“ ‘Kurnel Bunker, allow me to tip my
hat to you, sah. You had 11 horses
shot under you at Manassas, and yet
you took it as a matter of eo’se. You
are a chevalier of old, sah—a chevalier
of old.’
“ ‘Only three horses, Kurnel Hopson
—only three,’ I replied.
“ ‘Eleven, Kurnel Bunker.’
“ ‘Three, Kurnel Hopson.’
“And thus we disputed, sah. The
kurnel had somehow got the number
of horses at 11 and wouldn't give up,
and of co’se I stuck to three. The re
sult was that I called him out. He was
a brave and gallant man, and he was
on hand to the minute. He chose pis
tols, and I felt it my duty to remove him
to another sphere of action. A brave
and gallant man, sab, but he was kill
ing too many horses for my credit. We
had taken our stand and were ready
for the word when the federals sud
denly attacked our center. Gen. Lee
sent an aide to find me and to order me
to hurl my regiment into the thick of
the fight, and he came upon us at the
critical moment. I was about to shoot
Kurnel Hopson through the head, but
orders from the chief were not to be
disobeyed. As I turned away I said:
“ ‘Kurnel Hopson, our affair is off for
an hour or so.’
“ ‘When we have beaten the federals
back,’ he replied.
“But it was not to be, sah—not to
be,” sighed Kurnel Bunker as lie rose
up. “When we had beaten the federals
back—when my gallant regiment had
performed deeds to live in history for
evei' —I returned to the field of honah.
Alas! I had no opponent! Kurnel
llopson had fallen in the thick of the
fight, dying as a soldier should, and
there was no one for me to shoot at.
“SPEAKIN’ OF THE Av’AH. SAH.”
I And, egad, sah, he probably went to l.'is
j death still firmly convinced of the re
port of the 11 horses—the 11 horses shot
under me at Manassas! Too bad, sah—
too bad! It was an utter waste of eight
good horses!”
SCENES AT FIESTA.
Stran.sre Mixture cf the World an<l the
Church During? Celebration
*i» Mexico.
; Such a strange jumbling of the world
i and the church is seen nowhere in the
United States as is exhibited at Mag
dalena, Sonora, Mexico, during the
period of the fiesta in honor of the mem
ory of St. Francisco Xavier. The fiesta
| extends from September 20 to October
| 10, but October 4 is celebrated as the
j birthday of the great missionary. The
tradition that on this day to kiss any
| portion of the figure that lies in the
sanctuary will heal all pains and sick
ness is believed by thousands of people
i who travel hundreds of miles to secure
j the legendary benefits,
j Tuesday night thousands of people
! camped in the plaza on the campus sur
; rounding the cathedral and elsewhere
j near by. At four o’clock in the morning
j when the bells in the tower rung the
; call to early mass the crowd pressed
| into the big auditorium. There in the
j center under the dome on a catafalque
1 covered with rich lace and silk lay the
; life-sized figure of the saint, robed in
j the costly raiment of a prelate. On the
| floor during the mass a great crowd
; knelt. At the conclusion of the serv
j ice the throng passed on either side
jof the figure. The sick, the lame, the
blind kissed the forehead, the nose, the
I hps, the eyes, the hands and the feet.
For hours streams of humanity jos
tled and surged in and out of the church.
At. ten o'clock another service—the bap
tism of children—began and lasted lor
: three hours. During - the remainder of
the day great crowds continued to visit
j the figure of the saint.
( ! Leligious duties performed, the
crowds passed to the market place, u
’ j ljioclt away, where gambling and
I jinking tents are pitched and where
, ' officials of the state and prominent
owners win and lose fortunes.
| Hazards of SI,OOO and $2,000 on a single
j cai 'd are common. Women of estab
, iisked position play. Everybody garn
. j bles, drinks and goes to church.
I i
A luiqiie Record.
j . “Cousin Elizabeth is utterly deficient
| ' in imagination.”
“How do you know?”
1 “She says she can’t brag that any
man on earth was ever in love wits
£ Lei I .”—Detroit Free Press.
Mutual .xdmlration.
“How young you look, lnaciam!”
e “Ob. professor, how remarkably you
. have retained your Ciu
s ( cugo ifidiy ivv‘.Tff'di
FOR THE HOUSEWIFE.
Some Short Suggestion* Concerning
Various Matters of Domes
tic Interest.
Threadbare carpets are no longer the
despair of the thrifty housewife who
longs for their banishment, but dreads
the expense of their replacement. She
knows now her clear and satisfactory
duty in the matter. In all large cities
there are factories where old carpets
of all kinds are cut into strips and
woven into beautiful velvety rugs. The
new fabric retains? the colors of the orig
inal, but these are so blended that no
one predominates, and the revised pat
tern is soft and artisitic. No carpet is
too worn or soiled to be put through
the process, and no preparatory clean
ing is necessary. A ragged ingrain,
Brussels or other carpet may be taken
up, the floor stained while it is away,
and presently the covering is returned
in the shape of fresh, handsome rugs,
whose beginning cannot be suspected
by the most critical observer.
After pickling a batch of peaches or
pears, a cupful or more of the rich sirup
is likely to be left. It is a good plan to
cook quarters of apples in this, using as
many as the sirup will hold. These may
then be put away in jars or a small
crock for use at winter luncheons.
When, later on, peaches or other sweet
pickles are used, the sirup from them
may also be saved, reheated, and the
cans refilled with apples. In this way
a supply of relishes is kept.
A new and delicious salad was served
recently at an elaborate luncheon. An
aspic had been made of dissolved beef
capsules, the mixture well seasoned.
A little was then poured into individual
molds, on the bottom of each of which
blanched almonds had been arranged
in tlie form of a star. When this had
set more aspic was gradually added, al
ternating with layers of the almonds.
When the molds were sent to the table,
and each turned out on a lettuce leaf,
the amber jelly against the green, with
a spoonful of mayonnaise over it, mads
a very pretty course.
Something the housekeeper, and par
ticularly tlie suburban housekeeper,
should keep on hand is a supply of stale
macaroons. For 25 cents a quantity can
be bought which, kept in a covered tin,
will furnish the needed ingredient for
many a hasty and delicious dessert. A
soft custard or, better, a caramel cus
tard mixed thickly with them before it
is poured in glass cups, and eaten cold,
makes a popular dish. Oran excellent
pudding is made by spreading them
whole witli jaxn, filling the dish with
custard and baking the mixture. The}’
are an esteemed addition to ice cream,
and, powdered fine and sprinkled over
whipped cream, add to its flavor. Plain
rice molds prepared for the children
become a company dish dusted with
crushed macaroons and served with
whipped cream. These suggestions
are scarcely the beginning of the list
of ways in which the flavoring may be
utilized. —N. Y. Post.
FASHION NOTES.
New Features of Fall Costumes—
Short SLirts and Heavy
Tan Shoes.
Many a small fancy button is seen on
new gowns, and so far the brass ones
predominate. They may be flat or
round. Both arc to be found on tlie
new flannel shirt waists.
These shirt waists are made in a va
riety of ways. Pretty ones are made
perfectly plain in front, opening down
the side, the fullness gathered in at the
waist, blousing slightly. The buttons
are put on regularly, or in groups of
three, and for many of them the round
brass buttons are used. The shirt with
which we are so familiar is still to be
seen with a yoke in the back coming
a little over the shoulder in front, where
the fullness is gathered. A prominent
shirt waist maker has his new waists
made with a very deep yoke in front,
the yolk embroidered with polka dots,
small bow knots, or similar small de
signs. These long yokes can hardly
be said to be becoming to the majority
of people. Some waists are made with
no yoke at all to have the long effect
that has been so much desired. Shirt
waists, or, perhaps, they should be
called merely separate waists, made of
thin woolen material in delicate colors,
are made with clusters of narrow tucks
running up and down the front, back,
and sleeves of the waists. There is the
flaring instead of shirt sleeve cuffs to
these waists.
The so-called golf capes, reaching
half way to the bottom of the skirt,
have much more elegant lines than the
shorter capes. They are really intended
more for sea voyages and traveling
wraps.
Just about this time of the - year a
great many women are to be seen
around the streets wearing short skirts
and heavy yellow shoes which look as
if they might be in men's sizes. The
heavy shoe in yellow has a pretty, man
nish effect on a small foot, but on the
ordinary foot of a woman of ordinary
size they have not the effect, but seem
to be men’s shoes and lose their beauty.
Women would do well to adopt tha
styles to their own particular needs,
and doing this the large woman woull
give up her yellow shoes. The straight
tip is still the most popular. —N. Y.
Times.
Tomatoes a La Turqne.
Put on a pint of tomatoes (fresh or
canned), with two sprigs of parsley,
three cloves, three peppercorns and a
sliced onion, and boil for a quarter of
an hour; strain; wash two-thirds of a
cupful of rice and put it into a quart of
boiling water; put the tomatoes into a
double boiler, add the rice, one cupful
of stock or water, a little pepper and a
teaspoonful of salt; steam one hour;
add three tablespoonfuls of butter cut
small, letting them rest on the top with
out stirring; remove the cover, and put
a towel over for ten minutes. Serve as
a vegetable, or as a border to meat.—
Housekeeper.
Quite Natural.
First Drummer —I had bad luck on
my last trip, but the goods 1 am hand
ling now are selling right and left.
Second Drummer —What are you
handling?
First Drummer — Shoes. —N. Y. Jour
nal.
Ills Strength.
Teacher —For what else was Julius
Ceasar noted ?
Tommy Tucker (who had studied the
lesson somewhat hastily) —His great
strength, ma’am, He threw a bridge
across the Rhiim,—Chicago Tijhiyue.
FIRST WALKING MATCH.
Resolved Itself Into a Running
Match, and It Was for
Territory.
In 1706 William Penn bought from the
Indians a tract of land bounded on the east
by the Delaware, on the west by the Nesh
aminy, and running as far north “as a man
can go” in 11 days. After his death his son,
Thomas Penn, thought it would be a good
idea to survey the boundary. On August 25,
1737, this was done.
Three men lined up for the start, James
Yeates, a lean Yankee; Solomon Jennings
and Edward Marshall, an old hunter. The
sheriff, the surveyors and a number of In
dians who wanted to see fair play accom
panied them on horseback.
The three men ran.
“You are not walking,” protested the In
dians; “you are running.”
It “They are going,” replied the sheriff;
and that’s what the treaty says—as far as
a man can ‘go’ in a day and a half.”
So the Indians went home.
Yeates collapsed on the second day’s run
and died two days later. Jennings lived in
shattered health but a few years longer.
Marshall was tougher—;n better training,
we would say nowadays. He kept on,
reached the end of the blazed trail, seized
the surveyor’s compass and still kept going
in the same direction. When Sheriff Smith
at noon said “Halt!” Marshall had covered
68 miles through rough forest, or twice as
far as the Indians had expected.
The sellers were “only Indians,” you see.
—N. Y. World.
A QUEER COMBINATION.
It Was a .Justice of the Peace, a PlcU-
X>ockct and a Little
Prayer Bool:.
Justice “Bill” Hall was chuckling the
other day over a little adventure that befell
him, anti which he related as follows:
“It was during the festival week,” he said,
“and you all know how the downtown
streets were crowded. I was walking down
State street, and. happening to look in one
of the big store windows, saw a pile of books,
which reminded me of a commission given
me by my wife that morning. I went in and
bought a book and put the parcel in my
overcoat pocket.
“As I came out into the crowd on the
street again I felt a hand go into my pocket,
and turned quickly, but not quickly enough
to catch the would-be thief, a tough-looking
young man, who skipped off in the crowd
and was immediately lost to view’. I couldn’t
help laughing to think how horribly disap
pointed he would have felt if he had suc
ceeded in his theft, because the parcel in my
pocket contained a common little prayer
book.
“There’s what I call a ludicrous combina
tion —a thief trying to rob a police justice
of a prayer book—a combination that prob
ably has* never before and never will again
arise in the history of Chicago.”—Chicago
Inter Ocean.
GRADUAL PROGRESS.
The Boy Jla<l a Situation and tlie Fa
ther AVas Goins to Be an
Agriculturist.
“How’s your boy doing?” inquired the
man whose business takes him occasionally
to a rural community where he knows all
the inhabitants.
“Fine.”
“Has a good job, has he?”
“He ain’t got a job no more. He’s got a
situation. He started in with a job, where
he didn’t get nothin’ but wages—four dol
lars a week. But he done so good that they
boosted him right along, that now he’s
gettin’ ten dollars a week. That there ain’t
wages. That’s salary.”
“How are your own affairs prospering?”
“First rate.”
“Still pursuing your old business?”
“No. I’m a farmer now.”
“Why, isn’t that what you always were?”
“No, sirree. I don’t fool myself with no
datterin’ notions. Up to a little while ago,
when the wave of prosperity struck, I
vasn’t nothin’ but a common cracker. But
I’ve bought an extra piece of ground an’
lifted a couple of mortgages, an’ now I’m
a farmer. Es the luck holds out I’ll have
some money in the bank in a few years.
Then I’m goin’ to buy a three-minute hoss
and a buckboard and mow the grass in front
of the house and be an agriculturalist.”—
Washington Star.
His Last FHngr.
As they bent solicitously over him, the
man who had been kicked by a horse opened
his eyes. “Have you any last wish? they
asked him.
“Yes,” he murmured. “Have an auto
mobile hearse at the funeral.”
Revenge, it seemed, was strong even in
death. —N. Y. Press.
A Nude Departure.
Husband—That gown appears to be cut
considerably lower than your last one.
Wife—Yes; the dressmakers have depart
ed somewhat from the lines of last season’s
models.
"1 see. A nude departure. —Philadel
phia Record.
A man with but one idea is sometimes
worse off than a man with no idea at all.—
Chicago Daily News.
Talk is cheap—probably because of the
overproduction.—Chicago Daily News.
Don’t slander the dead; if you do justice
to the living you will be kept busy.—Atchi
son Globe.
It may take a person a long time to get
asleep and yet get fast to sleep—Yonkers
Statesman.
“For the first year of his married life he
came to dinner in evening clothes.” “What
does he do now?” “Now he comes to break
fast in them.”—Puck.
When you come across a man who is un
easy if he owes a man a dollar, you come
across a pretty good sort of a citizen even if
he does not belong to your church or vote
your ticket.—Advance Farmer.
The average woman seldom carries a hand
kerchief. This is particularly noticeable at
the theater during the pathetic parts of the
play. At a recent performance five women
wept upon one handkerchief. —Atchison
Globe.
Fuddy—“You never can tell anything
about the weather. At the time of the flood,
you know, it rained 40 days and 40 nights.’’
Duddy—“Yes; and I’ll bet if there had been
a weather bureau in existence at that time
it would have prophesied fair weather, or at
least clearing, every morning.”—Boston
Transcript.
A Satisfaction. —“What are you going to
do for amusement to-dav?” “I think,” an
swered the hero, “that I’ll go to a dime mu
seum and see the armless phenomenon.” “1
didn’t know you were interested in curi
osities of that kind.” “I wasn’t formerly.
But it will be a great satisfaction to meet
somebody who I’m dead sure isn’t going to
shake hands with me.” —Washington Star.
Located.—“ Papa,” said the minister’s
little son, “I thought you told me the other
day that I must never say can’t because
there is no such word?” “Yes,” the good
man replied, “I said so, and I repeat it.
In the bright lexicon that youth reserves
for glorious manhood there is no such word
as can’t.” “W ell,” little Willie returned,
“mebby it mightn’t be in the bright lexicon,
but when 1 was playing with Eddie West
wood to-day I heard his papa say you were
full of it.”—Chicago Times-Heraid.
LIKE I'IMMMi MONET.
The use of the Endless Chain Starch Book in the purchase of “Red Cross”
and “Hubinger’s Best” starch, makes it just like finding money. Why, for
only 5c you are enabled to get one large 10c package of “Red Cross” starch,
one large 10c package of “ Hubinger’s Best” starch, with the premiums, two
Shakespeare panels, printed in twelve beautiful colors, or one Tv*gntieth Cen
tury Girl Calendar, embossed in gold. Ask yottr. grocer* for thi* starch §nd
'bfain the ChfiftiUftß prg|sßt§ IfCG*
The Isthmus of Panama.
Its engineers believe that they have solved I
the problem of the successful completion of ,
this great enterprise. If so, it will prove a
great benefit to humanity, no more, truthful- i
ly speaking, than has Hostetter’s Stomach j
Bitters, the remedy which never fails to cure ‘
afflictions of the stomach—for of what use is ;
prosperity without health? The Bitters inva- :
riably strengthens weak stomachs and torpid
livers, and is one of the blessings of the age.
Thoroughbred.
A New York society dame, who is an ar
dent upholder of the Society for the Pre
vention of Cruelty to Animals, owns a little
fox terrier of which she is exceedingly fond.
A naan who called on her the other day was
admiring the dog and asked her mistress
how she, with all her humane theories, could
have allowed the cruel dog fancier to cut off
Snap’s tail and ears to the fashionable de
gree of brevity. The dame drew herself up
and replied, with some hauteur:
“My dear sir, Snap expected it. Every
thoroughbred fox terrier expects to have
his tail and ears shortened.” And that
bumbled man went away saying to himself:
t That s the first time I ever thought of
noblesse oblige,’ as applying to fox ter
riers. —Cincinnati Enquirer.
How’s This?
We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured
by Hall’s Catarrh Cure.
F % J. Cheney & Co., Props., Toledo, O.
We, the undersigned, have known F. J.
Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac
tions and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by their firm.
West & Truax, Wholesale Druggists, To
ledo, O.
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, O.
Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Price 75c. per bot
tle. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials
free.
Hall’s Family Pills are the best.
She Knjoyed It.
They had been sitting together for half
an hour.
“I have enjoyed our conversation so
much!” she exclaimed, as she rose to go.
“It is so restful to talk with you!”
And after she had left him he remembered
that he hadn’t been able to get in ten words
edgewise throughout the whole conversa
tion.—Somerville Journal.
Every reader of this paper should give
special heed to the offers which are appear
ing from week to week by the John M.
Smyth Co., the mammoth mail order house
of Chicago. In this issue will be found their
advertisement of a thoroughly up-to-date,
first-class sewing machine, at the astound
ingly low price of $14.25. Coming as this of
fer and other offers do from a house with a
commercial rating of over one million dol
lars, and of the highest character, they mark
an opportunity that the shrewd buyer will
not be slow to take advantage of. The John
M. Smyth Co., 150 to 166 West Madison
street, will send their mammoth catalogue,
in which is listed at wholesale prices every
thing to eat, wear and use, on receipt of
only 10 cents to partly pay postage or ex
pressage, and even this 10 cents is allowed on
first purchase amounting to one dollar.
The Fuel Problem.
“I suppose you had money to bum in the
Klondike?”
“No,” answered the man who had been
lying by the hour, “we didn’t have anything
but chunks of chilly, incombustible gold.
We’d have paid a big price for a few scuttle
fuls of dollar bills.” —Chicago Chronicle.
Jnson Crow, Ose*rville, Gft., Sayss
“I feel it my duty to write and let you
know what your medicine, ‘5 Drops,’ has
done for me. I have had rheumatism about
18 years, but was able to be up most of the
time, until a year ago last May, when I was
taken down and not able to move about.
About six weeks ago I saw your advertise
ment and wrote for a sample bottle. After
taking a few doses, it did me-so much good
that I ordered some more for myself and
friends and in every case it has done won
ders and given perfect satisfaction. Dr.
Woodliff, my family physician, who has had
rheumatism 15 years, is taking ‘5 Drops,’ and
says it is the most efficient rheumatic med
icine he has ever used. May 31, 1899.”
The above refers to “5 Drops,” a perfect
cure for rheumatism, kidney and all kin
dred complaints. The proprietors, Swan
son Rheumatic Co., 164 Lake St., Chicago,
offer to send a 25c. sample bottle for only
10c. during the next 30 days. Be sure to read
their advertisement of last week.
Anions: the lJrenlcers.
Long—Family troubles, eh? What rock
did your domestic ship split on?
Short—-It was the absence of “rocks” that
caused the split.—Chicago Evening News.
The nest Prescription for Chills
and Fewer is a bottle of Gkove’s Tasteless
Chili, toxic. It.s simply iron and quinine in
a tasteless form. No cure-no pay. Price,soc.
A Model.
Miss Antique—ls he a nice, quiet parrot?
Dealer —Oh, yes, ma’am; he never swears
unless he’s sworn to! —Puck.
Each package of PUTNAM FADELESS
DYES colors more goods than any other dye
and colors them better too. Sold by all
druggists.
A Polite Man. —The Bystander-—“ What
are you taking off your hat for?” The Man
at the ’Phone—“l’m talking to a lady.”—
Chicago Tribune.
To Cure a Cold In One Bay
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c.
The Man and the Bore. —The Solemn Bore
—“Have vou ever reflected that there will
be no more time?” The Busy Man —“I
haven’t any now.” —Indianapolis Journal.
I cannot speak too highly of Piso’s Cure
for Consumption. —Mrs. Frank Mobbs, 215
W. 22d St., New'York, Oct. 29, 1894.
Speaking of fruit, the first apple caused
a lot of trouble for the first pair.—Chicago
Daily News.
Check Colds and Bronchitis with Hale’s
Honey of Horehound and Tar.
Pike's Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
psp]
Pi|(<S
Look at yourself! Is your face
covered with pimples? Your skin
rough and blotchy? It’s your liver!
Ayer’s Pills are liver pills. They
cure constipation, biliousness, ana
dyspepsia. 25c. All druggists.
Want your moustache or beard a beautiful
brown or rich black ? Then use
BUCKINGHAM’S DYE
-—£2-£T 9 - c_g Druggists, or R. P. Hall A Co. Nashua. N.
Too Late,
A horseman hurst into the prison yard.
“Reprieved!” he shouted, and waved a
paper aloft.
“Too late,” replied the warden, sadly.
“Is the man hanged already?”
“No; but he has eaten the hearty break
fast of ham and eggs, coffee and potatoes!”
Executive clemency was all right in its
place, but it could not be suffered to inter
fere with the conventional course of events.
Yes, the horseman’s steed was undeniably
foaming, but even that availed little or noth
ing under the circumstances. —Detroit Jour
nal.
Be sure you are right—but don’t be too
sure that everybody else is wrong. —Chicago
Daily News.
WOMEN do suffer!
Even so-called healthy women suffer!
But they are not healthy!
The marks left by pain are on the young faces of many of our
daughters. Pain that leaves its mark conies from a curable
cause. If that cause is not removed its
MfSCIP influence reaches out and overshadows a
MWM llv « whole life. The reason Lydia E. Pinkham’s
~ P .ur clB Vegetable Compound has been so uni
formly successful for over a quarter of a
gy, » B ajt century in overcoming the suffering of
m d&Jn m women, is that it is thorough and goes
directly to the cause. It is a woman’s
state that I used your Vegetable Com
was very sick for nearly a year with |
nervous; also suffered with painful
menstruation and pain in back and
had doctors, but their medicines did 7
me no good. At last, by the advice //; j, \
of a friend, I began to take Lydia E. ft *
Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. I
and lam happy to say it has entire- &\\\l
ly cured me.
Jennie Sherman, of Fremont,
llich., Box 748, writes; /U.
“Dear Mrs. Pinkham:— l feel \V^|||j|i
that I must write you and tell \Y#II
you what your medicine has M ijofjp* \
done for me. I had neuralgia LJ / j \ Vi
of the stomach for two years, /W V \ \' 1
so bad that I could not do any J \ \
work. I had two or three doc- / I \ 1
tors, but did not seem to get any bet- \ I \
ter. I began taking Lydia E. Pink- 1 I \
ham’s Vegetable Compound and Liver \ I \
Pills and improved from the first, had \ f
better appetite, and after taking three bottles of Compound
and one box of Liver Pills, can say that lam cured. Your
Vegetable Compound is a wonderful medicine."
it M\s*ST <;
;j gyp j;
I $14.25 Mg 514.25 Best Sewing ij
; _ g i\Hachme on Earth
l “MELBA” Sewing Machine. < *
* ’**2 A high-arm, high-grade machine equal %
► Kj|{pSg?ta| B. « to what others are asking $25.00 to $35.00
y /J for. Guaranteed by 11* for 20 yearc from ’ y
> NjgKSrapN THrarHy date of purchase, against any imperfee- >
► thglffglgH H H tion in material or workmanship. The ’,
► SSsj&fijji « li stand is made of the best Iron and is %
► nicely proportioned. The cabinet work ’,
► Sp- j s perfect and is furnished in your choice ',
► [*fl S' of antique.oak or walnut. It has seven %
drawers all handsomely carved and with %
► nickel-plated ring pulls. The median- ’ 1
► leal construction is equal to that of %
: ► any machine regardless of price. All j y
! ► working parts are of the best oil-tcm- J
; ► pored tool steel, every bearing perfectly J y
: ► YrtFkaA fitted and adjusted so as to make the ’ y
> running qualities the lightest, most per- %
' 1 ‘ feet and nearest noiseless of any machine J y
made. This Sewing Machine has all the latest improvements. It makes a perfect and uni- .
► form LOCK STITCH, and will do the best work on either the lightest muslins or heaviest ’ y
cloths, sewing over seams and rough places without skipping stitches. A full set of >
. ► best steel attachments, nicely nickel-platod and enclosed in a handsome plusn-iinea »
’ > metal, japanned box, and a complete assortment of accessories and book of instruction ►
. ► FURNISHED FREE with each machine. , . . . .
cnnivdTDiii We ship this machine C.O.D. subject to approval, on receipt of two »
% uU LIAYo i nIAL. dollars. If, on examination jrou are convinced that we are saving
> yous2s ors3oon agent’s price, pay the balance and froightcha rges then try AI /I AC , ’
themachino. If notsatisfiod at any time withia6odayssend the machine 3s 8 fcj, Jr pi
back to us at our expense and we will refund the foil purchase pneo^—
C ~ „ M „,,,Which is listed at lowest wholesale prices < J
< everything to eat wear and use,is furnist* <,
’ > FM* H r-r M B A-^ ** on receipt of only 105 to partly pay \ 1
<► nnst.ndfi nr exnrassage and as evidence i J
<; §ooci faith the 105 is allowed on first <
< ► &€§f *1 J amounting to Sl?9 or above- <»
\ OUR MONTHLY GROCERY PRICE LIST FREeJQ 1
W. L. DOUGLAS
53&53.50 SHOES
t“ Worth $4 to $6 compared with
other makes.
Indorsed by over
1,000,000 wearers.
ALL LEATHERS. ALL STYLES
THE CKNI'IXE have W. L. I)oii(rlne’
name and price stamped on bottom.
Take no substitute claimed
to be &3 good. Largest makers
of S 3 and SS.SO shoes In the
world. Your dealer should keep
them —If not, we will send you
a pair on receipt of price. State
kind of leather, elze and width, plain or cap toe.
Catalogue B Free.
W. L DOUGLAS SHOE CO., Brockton. Mast.
I I ■ ■■C3B«M»WB3MCZMaW
25c.
"ills - ! s / Uy ° uwiu
(Sc U Knd us
J we will send
44 / you Demorest’s
|| / Family Magazine
H A / f 2l . three months
/ and give you two
/ handsome pictures in
/ ten colors, exact repro
/ ductions of famous oil
/ paintings. They are 3
/ by J1 i inches. This offer
/ of this great family magazine
/ is only good for 60 days.
/ Write to
I / DEMOREST’S MAGAZINE
1/ Art Department
/110 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK CITY I
ARTERSIMK
The best ink made, but no
dearer than the poorest.
rgjmgUSa
; ..Ji:. I n rr-iil
CITC Poi'MwenMy Cirr4> Nonthcrnerv !
r I I 81 tinsneiiUf w urnOAF* u«« of Or It U#» 8 ,
urtral fieryp Renoirr, •« hTiin hotti" and utdU*s |
Try Grnln-O! Try Grnfn-O!
Ask your grocer to-day to show you •
package of GRAIN-O, the new food drink
that takes the place oi coffee. The children
may drink it without injury as well as the
adult. All who try it like it. GF.AIN-0
has that rich seal brown of Mocha or Java,
but it is made from pure grains, and the
most delicate stomachs receive it without
distress. 1-4 the price of coffee. 15 cts. and
25 cts. per package. Sold by all grocers.
The silent man may be a mine of wisdom,
but a talkative fool sometimes explodes the
mine.—Chicago Daily News.
“Oh, yes, he hates afl women.” “I won
der what particular woman he began with?”
—lndianapolis Journal.
Pilss-Fistula
AND
All Diseases of fits Rectum
CURED
WITHOUT
KNIFE, LIOATURE OR CAUSTIC.
Read testimonial:
Has Perfect Health.
Kansas City, Mo., Dec. 22, 1897.
Drs. Thornton & Minor, Kansas City, Mo.
Gentlemen:—Before you treated me for piles
I had been troubled for eight or ten years. I
have not be n bothered in any way since, and
have perfect health. for which I give you credit.
lam always ready and willing to recommend
you to anyone to whom I can. Yours very truly,
Geo. S. Tamblyn.
Tamblyn & Tamblyn, Live Stock Corn. Her.,
K. C.', Mo.
We guarantee to cure every case: Don’t take
one cent until patient is well. Send for frea
book to men; also free book to ladies. Address
DRS, THORNTON & MINOR,
Ninth and Wall St*.. Kansas City, Mo.
WELLDMLLW6
/// f f I MACHINERY K ,T^:
j I Machines are portable, and
J drill any depth both by steam
V’fl and horsepower. Twentydif-
...TS, ferent styles. Send lor FRLB
*<22; illustrated catalogue. Address
SELLY fc TANEYHILL. Waterloo, lowa.
Pfrxrpt aim Dr. Williams’lndian Pile
M ointment will cure Blind.
5> "5 f;; ra Bleeding and Itching
id Files. It absorbs the
ft; S! i’ 1 3Z : 3 tumors, allays the itch
ag 4 [’»“ in* at once, acts as a
Cu h. i‘>3 a poultice.givesinstantre*
gl Rf— d ffiJH lief. Prepared for Piles
as: fity -. sjifyg and Ttchingof the private
parts. At druggists or by
mail on receipt of price. cents and SJ.OO.
WILLI All a MFG. CO.. Crops., CLEVELAND, OHIO.
READERS OF THIS PAPER
DESIRING TO BUY ANYTHING
ADVERTISED IN ITS COLUMNS
SHOULD INSIST UPON HAVING
WHAT THEY ASK FOB, REFUSING
ALL SUBSTITUTES OB IMITATIONS.
aTn. K.-D 1780
WHEN WHJTJSfI I*o ADVERTS CM*
M-etue Siirto Ihrti you «*t?r |^M5
js*m!» W* dj**r,

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