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Newspaper Page Text
HOW TO GET MARRIED BY HOLDER WRIGHT Many- young men think it is diffi cult to get married. Such is not the case. The difficulty lies in getting unmarried. If you wish to get mar ried write the names of ten single girls that you know on ten slips of K .'' ;"* ' Wfc i -i Ttfß- if p» r t *■ tlwT ,__ . - *■-■ ■'■■ " H i ■' i -^ : ~ TEBMIfe ~~ .*<., -. - -“tEs. -, J ' : . ■' ~-n ; t •MHMNMir *rnmmm** m*m mmm » •- . ;■** *&*- -^— TT ||nprnpngflTtnir paper, shake them up in a hat, and draw one. Then put on the hat and go to the girl’s home. Appear nervous, glance at the girl many times when you know she thinks you think she doesn’t know. By this time she will be quite ex cited. Move closer beside her, take her hand, say “Miss Jones —Myrtle, it has always been you that I’ve wanted — always— above —fame —money—ev erything. I want you now. Say you’ll make me the happiest man on earth and marry me!” Naturally it will be sudden to her. but you’ll be surprised how quickly she’ll pull herself together and com mence to play with her handkerchief. Then sieze her in your arms, press your lips to hers, true movie style, and say, “You will, you will, won’t you?” A little murmur will greet you. Nothing now remains but to buy the ring and take her to the minister and she’ll tell every girl in town that she took you because you were really the one she always loved! PHOENIX TRIBUNE —ALWAYS IMPROVING DO GENTLEMEN REALLY PREFER BLONDES? Percy Pennington, the library book worm: “When I want to take up something light 1 like a blonde, but when 1 wish to hold some dark mystery 1 take out a brunette.” Rudolph Randier the philosopher: “My dear sir. if gentlemen really preferred blondes and it became broadcasted as an absolute fact at the end of 48 hours all the bru nettes would be blondes.” Urh-TJrh, reformed chief of the Cannibal Islands, now visiting at Hoboken: “It has been said that blondes are more fickle, but from personal experience in the old ship wreck days, 1 believe I have always found them more tender than bru nettes.” Butch Bolder, slugger and Shiek of the underworld: “Don’t insult me. 80. I aint no gentleman. But about STITT’S CLEANING WORKS 17 North 2nd St Phone 7392 We clean everything but the baby and return everything but the dirt ALL KINDS OF ALTERATIONS Work Done Right SUITS AND OVERCOATS MADE TO MEASURE Tempe Normal blondys and broonettes, with me it’s lyike beer. Sometimes I likes the dark and sometimes the light. ’ Hirim Perkins, married and re signed, or would like to be as regards the latter: “I really think I would prefer a light blonde. You see my wife stands two hundred and ten in her slippers. Many a man’s reputation for truth fulness goes lame when he begins to say things about himself. Pew women are interested in the study of prehistoric man. Their specialty is for the man of today. Instead of making a fool of a man. a woman furnishes the oppor tunity —and lets him do the rest. Originality: Doing what some oth er fellow did so long ago that peo ple have forgotten all about it.