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BED-BOUND FOR MONTHS.
Hcpo Abandoned After Physicians' Consultation. Mrs. Enos Shearer. Yew and Wash ington Sts., Centralia, Wash., says: lor years I was weak and run down, could not sleep, my limbs swelled and the secretions wero troublesome; pains were Intense. I was fast In bed for four months. Three doc tors said there was no cure for me, and I was given up to die. Being urged, I used Doan's Kid ney rills. Soon I was better and In a few weeks was about the house, well and strong again." Sold by all dealers, 50 cents a box, Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y. WHAT SHE ESCAPED. Jack There goes young Softy. No took his finacee out rowing last Sun day, rocked the boat, and the poor gil was drowned. Ruth Lucky girl! Jack Why do you say that? Ituth Why, she might have lived and married the idiot. PAINT DURABILITY. The first thought in painting should, of course, te durability and dura bility means simply pure paint prop erly applied. Pure paint is pure white lead and linseed oil (with or without tinting material). Some years ago the paint-buyer was likely to get adulterated or counter feit white lead if he was not familiar with brands. To-day he may buy -with perfect safety if he only makes sure that the Dutch Boy Painter trademark i3 on the packages of white lead that he buys. This trade mark was adopted by National Lead Company to distinguish the puro white lead made by them from the worthless adulterated and fake goods. It Is a guarantee as valuable to the house-owner as the education of a paint expert could be. A Candid Judge. A Dover lawyer tells a story In which figures lion. H. L. Dawes, who, it seems, in his younger days was an indifferent speaker. Shortly after his admission to the bar he had a case which was tried before a North Adams justice of the peace, and Dawes was opposed by a lawyer whose eloquence attracted a large crowd. The justice was perspiring in the crowded room and evidently fast losing his temper. Finally he drew off his coat and, in the midst of the eloquent address, burst out: "Mr. Attorney, supposing that you take a seat and let Mr. Dawes speak. I want to thin out this crowd." Lip pincctt's. Important to Mother. Examine darefully every bottle of CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for Infants and children, and see that it . jrjyi . Signature ol In Use For Over CJO Years. The Kind You Have Always Bouirht Weds Her Rich Stepfather. Social circles in Pasadena, Cal., learned with amazement the other day that Miss Katherlne Traphagen has become the bride of her stepfather, Cyrus M. Davis of Los Angeles. Miss Traphagen lived with her sisters in Altadena and was one of the promi nent members of the Young Women's Christian association, being director of Us short story club. Style of Price. "Are you going to raise any fancy crop on your suburban place this sum mer?" nsked Jones of Smith, as they met In the business district. "Well, yes," hesitatingly admitted Smith. "I am going to try to raise the mortgage." The Air. He So you think married life ought to be one grand, sweet song? She Yes. He What air would you prefer for this matrimonial song? She 1 think a millionaire. Afterglow. "Are you still In the blissful intox ication of love?" "No, I've reached the headache now." Exchange. From the Life of the Protector. Cromwell wished to be p&lnted with the wart. "Don't you mean the warthog? they asked anxiously. When you hear one man trying to belittle another, It's Fafe to bet that the other Is his superior. Lnme bark and LnmTfffr mrlc a young man foci oli. Hamlin Wizard Oil inn ken mi old man feol younjr. AhMmitely notn ing like it for the relief of All pain. De Careful. In going out after fame, make sure that you don't capture notoriety. And occasionally a man throws off trouble by putting on a bold front. HELPING TOMMY OUT By Ralph Henry Barbour Tommy Wlnslow Is an awful ass about things English. Fact is, I guess, he's one of those thlngama- bobs Anglomanlacs. Of course, if it ever came to a show-down, Tommy would be the first to grab a gun, hike down to Sandy Hook, and defy the Britishers. He's very chesty for a chap only five feet seven and a half Inches. When he Is really angry his little blue eyes blaze terribly. Tommy traces his descent back to Alfred the Conqueror or Peter the Great, or some old English Johnnie like that, and so, as ho says, he just can't help being scrappy. But you mustn't get the idea that Tommy is quarrelsome. I guess he won't like my telling about the time we helped him out, but he's on the other side now, and it isn't likely he will ever see this, for about the only thing Tommy ever reads are the sporting papers and the English weeklies. Tommy reads all the English jour nals that tell about the fashions, and what the king wore Friday afternoon at Sandringham and that sort of non sense. Tommy came into the smoking-room of the club the Poppy club, you know looking a bit gloomy. "I'll bet the king has cut off his nose shaving," said Dickie Boswell, "and Tommy Is getting up his cour age to get rid of his." "Poppycock," said the duke. "The trouble with Tommy is, he's seen pome one on the avenue with larger trousers, haven't you, Tommy?" Tommy lighted a Russian,, shaking his head dolefully. Finally he said: "Don't laugh, you chaps. I'm In a hole, a beastly hole." We all looked sympathetic. "When I was In Florida last win ter," he went on, "I met up with a chap named Watkins " "Was, his first name Bill?" asked the duke. That was a joke. The duke calls everybody and everything Bill; I don't know why. Tommy looked hurt, but went on. "He was awfully decent to me put me up at his club and showed me around quite a bit. He has an orange orchard " "drove," corrected Dickie. "Grove, then. It's near somr place with a funny name. I stayed two days with him. He has a jolly bunga low; very picturesque; roses, palms, dogs, oranges, good whisky, and all that you, know. Well, there's a whole bunch of English Johnnies down there, and I met a lot of them. And and somehow they got the idea that I knew a good many English chaps up north here." He paused dejectedly, and the duke looked astonished. "How do you suppose they ever got such an Idea?" he murmured. We grinned. "Anyhow," Tommy continued, "I asked Watkins to come and see me. And and I eot a telegram from him this morning. Heil be here to-morrow." "Well, what's the trouble?" asked Dickie. "Isn't he all right?" "Yes, but don't you see, he'll expect to meet a lot of English chaps, and of course I don't know any out-and-outers except Brubbs, and he's away some old placo. Whatil I do?" "Tell him your English friends have all gone back to dear old Lunnon," the duke suggested. "Get pome of the waiters from Bos worth's to lunch with you, and Invite Watkins," said Dickie. "Oh, let up." Tommy growled. "I think you chaps might help a fellow out." "Of course we will," I said. "Only what how " "Well, I've thought of a scheme that might work," Tommy answered. He looked a bit sheepish. "It's this: Suppose you three come to lunch to morrow and meet Watkins." "Easy, Bill," agreed the duke. "And and supposing you er sup posing you let on you're English?" "We will," answered the duke. "Bill Watkins won't be able to tell us from the r'yal famiy. I'll be the duke of York." "And I'll be Prince Henry of Bat- tenberg!" I cried. "Your Ignorance pains me, Annie," said the duke. "You'll bo Sir Thomas Llpton, that's who you'll be. And Dickie" "Cut It out," pleaded Tommy. "Pcn't make a bally joke of it. It it's serious!" When I got to the club the next day at half-past one I found the duke and Dickie there before me. They were having cocktails. Tommy and Wat kins hadn't showed up. I sat down In a chair and looked at the duke and at Dickie and just laughed until I couldn't sit up. I wish you could have seen them! The duke was the best. He had on a suit of big yel low plaids, with a red waistcoat. The clothes were bo much too large for him that the coat hung In folds from his shoulders and the duke Isn't lit tie, either and ho had to turn the trousers up nearly four inches at the bottom. Dickie had a rough pepper and salt coat on that didn't begin to fit him ho explained that It belonged to his father, who is a much larger man and a pair of light-colored trousers. His waistcoat was of khaki, and he wore an immense brass watch-chain across it. He had a monocle, too, but couldn't make It stay up. As for me, I had on a flannel shirt with blue and pink stripes and cellu cold collar and cuffs. I went shooting two years ago with an English chap up In Quebec, and he wore flannel shirts all the time and used the same collar and cuffs for ten days; when they got dirty he washed them in the river. I had borrowed a bottle-green velveteen Jacket from a chap In our house, and wore a pair of blue serge trousers and low tan shoes. After a while Tommy and Watkins came In. Watkins was a tall chap of about thirty, a nice, sensible appear ing fellow, with a quiet voice and aw fully good manners; handsome, too. Tommy looked dazed for a moment when he saw us, and I noticed that he swallowed hard once or twice and got very red in the face. But finally he came around and Introduced us. "My friend, Mr. Hastings Mr. Wat kins," muttered Tommy. The duke pulled himself slowly out of the arm chair and put his hand away In the air and looked blank, just as though he couldn't see anyone, you know. "Aw, haftpy, I assuah you," he mur mured. He wagged Watkins' hand twice and dropped it n3 though It had been an Icicle. Then he sat down again and stared Intent'y at his glass. Tommy got red again and looked dag gers. Watkins never turned a feather. "Mr. Boswell Mr. Watkins," said Tommy. Dickie got up and followed the duke's lead. "Chawmed, I'm shuah," he said. "And er Mr. Annismead Mr. Watkins.." I arose and shook hands just as the others had done. "Doosed glad, old cock," I muttered. Then I, too, sat down and looked at the table. There was a silence. I stole a furtive glance at Tommy. He was apoplectic. 1 peeked at Watkins. His face was as serious as a judge's, but I thought there was a twinkle in his eye. Tommy tried to make conversa tion. "Mr. Watkins raises oranges in Flor ida," he said, looking menacingly at the duke. "Beastly things, oranges," answered the latter, without taking his gaze from the table. "Beastly," said Dickie. "Beastly," I echoed. "Don't be a fool," said Tommy, aim ing a kick at the duke's shins and nearly knocking the table over. Our arrival in the cafe was in the nature of a triumph. We slouched along, hands in pockets, with expres sionless faces we three while Tom- ray led the way, looking unutterably miserable, followed by Watkins, calm ly unaware to all appearance of anything out of the ordinary. We heard whisperings, chuckles, even a laugh or two, as we passed through the crowded room to where a table had been reserved for our party. The duke, glaring stonily through his monocle, growled greetings here and there to acquaintances, and Dickie and I nodded distantly now and then. With his napkin tucked under his chin the duke threw aside some of his gloom and looked almost cheerful as he reached across in front of Wat kins and seized the "Puppy-bread," as we called the oatmeal biscuit. With his mouth well filled he began to asl: insane questions about Florida and oranges, exhibiting a weird ignorance of both the location of the state and of how oranges were grown. Watkins was gravely explaining that they did not grow on palm trees when the waiter brought the' oysters. Tommy had thrown a word In here and there, nervously, all the time mutely begging us to let up. "Tommy 'ere tells me there's a lot of our people down there," said the duke, swallowing his oysters loudly. "Er English, you mean?" asked Watkins Innocently. "HI said Hinglish, didn't HI?" de manded the duke crossly. "We have some, Mr. Hastings, but I fancy they're not the real thing. I thought they were once, though," said Watkins. "That reminds me," Tommy broke In; "how are they all?" "And why aren't they the real thing, may HI arsk?" demanded the duke. "Oh well really, I think I'd rather not say," answered Watkins, pretend ing to be mightily embarrassed. 'HI demand an hanswer, sir. I de mand hit!" bellowed the duke, thump ing his hand on the table until the whole room was watching us. "Well If you Insist," said Watkins, "It's their manners that give them away. I can see now that no one with manners like theirs could be English." "Haw! And what's the matter with their manners, sir?" "Nothing," answered Watkins quietly. The duke stared, then dropped his eyes to his plate. But I saw his shoulders heaving. Dickie and I glanced at each other and said: "Haw! Bah Jove!" to keep from laughing aloud. Tommy looked terribly dis tressed. He started the conversation on new lines by asking Dickie how his uncle was. "The duke of Muddledab?" asked Dickie Indifferently. "Ow, 'e's able to sit hup and take nourishment." "The duke Is your uncle?" asked Watkins, evldenlty quite pleased to fcavc met' the nephew of royalty. "Ow, yes," said Dickie, "but HI dc't like to speak hof It, sir." "How's that?" asked Watkins affa bly. 'E's a bit of a bounder, the duke," said Dickie. "E is!" affirmed tho duke. "Ill never speak to im, Mr. Watkins. 'L a a regular bad 'un, the duke." "Indeed." said Wntkins. Tommy groaned. "Ow, yes," repeated Dickie. I thought Watkins looked queer. I know Tommy did. Then the waiter brought In the kid neys, and the duke refused to taste them; said he could see by their looks that they hadn't been cooked right; threatened to resign from the club, and write to the Times about It. The kidneys were taken out again. We had chops Instead. I hate chops, and wished the duke wasn't playing his role so thoroughly. The rest of the luncheon went badly. Tommy was off his feed, and Watkins was the only one at the table who appeared to have any appetite. When the end came I was very glad of It. We adjourned to the library and had cigars and ver mouth. Tho duko went to sleep In the arm-chair. At last Watkins, who for a full min ute had been staring with puzzled eyes at Dickie's boots and socks, arose and said he must be going on. He shook hands all around and said he was very happy to have met us and hoped that, when we found ourselves In London again, we'd do him the honor of staying awhile with htm; we'd always find him there in the sea son, he paid. He nodded courteously and went out, followed by Tommy. The duko stared at Dickie, and Dickie at the duke; 1 looked at both of them in bewilderment. Then the duke groaned. We overtook Tommy at nine o'clock that evening. He had plainly been striving to drown care and sorrow, but had only succeeded in making himself preternaturally solemn. We found him In his room, sitting on the bed, cross-legged. In purple and green pajamas, smoking a pipe and drinking Scotch-and-soda. "You've gone and done It, haven't you?"' he greeted us dolefully. "You've gone and spoiled my life and desolat ed my hearthstone, haven't you? You've you've " He choked. "Tommy," demanded the duke stern ly, "did you let us in for that with malice aforethought?" "Eh?" asked Tommy, blinking. "Did you know all the time that Bill Watkins was a real Englishman?". Tommy laid his pipe down on tho silk counterpane and eyed us gravely Dickie moved the pipe to the mantel and extinguished the fire. The odor of burnt feathers was distinctly un pleasant. Tommy wagged a porten tous finger at us. "Did I know, you ask? Did I know? Did I know? Duke, most noble duke, I knew nothing; I was as a born un babed. I was as a reed crying In the wilderness or a voice shaken in the wind. I knew not! I knew I knew " He looked around for his pipe. "Look here, I thought he was like you or me or Annie there, a simple, unspoiled American. I knew nothing; I suspect ed nothing. I said to myself" He stopped and eyed us affectionately. "Have drink?" "We don't doubt It, Tommy," an swered the duke. "But what we want to know is, did you or didn't you know he was English?" "No, dukie, not until this morning Then I knew! Then I learned all all all! He lives in orange in winter and raises Floridas, and In spring he sails for England. He he is undoubt edly English. I hope he wjll forgive you for what you said 'bout his cou sin; I cannot!" Tommy bowed his head and sniffed. "Whose cousin?" demanded Dickie. "Who mentioned his old cousin? Tom my, you're drunk!" "You're awful liar, Dickie," an swered Tommy, without, however, any resentment. "You Insulted his cousin to his face to my face at my board as my guests as " "Shut up!" growled the duke "What cousin are you talking about?" "Watkins' cousin; cousin of my friend Watkins." "What's his name?" "Watkins' name?" "No, the cousin's name?" "His name's Muddledab, duke of Muddle dubble duke; I said It once; I refuse to say It 'gain." Dickie sat down on the edge of the bed and groaned; then he laughed. We Joined him. "I said he was my uncle,' giggled Dickie. "And that he was a bounder!" yelled the duke. "And and you said said you never spoke to him!" "I never did," laughed tho duke. Presently, when we had calmed down and .Dickie had mixed three more Scotches, the duke said: "Tommy, I consider that you have done a despicable thing." "Me?" murmured Tommy. "Me?" "Yes, you. You have allowed our friend Bill Watkins to depart from ur hospitable shore In the belief that there are three of his countrymen In New York who are disgraces to to his native land." Tommy chuckled behind his glass. "Don't be 'larmed," he answered finally. "Don't you be 't all 'larmed. Watkins never thought you were English, never for one mlmet. But he said he was muchmused, very much mused." "Oh, he did, eh?" said Dickie. "And you allowed him to go off with tho Im pression that we were a set of three bally idiots, eh?" Tommy nodded blandly. "Well, all I've got to say to you," announced the duke disgustedly. Is this: Bill Watkins Is a sport and ought to be an American; and as for you, Thomas, never ask me to help you out again!" Thanksh," replied Tommy beaming ly. "Have drink?" AT THE MOMENT. Percy Aw, aro you Interested In tho "Coming Young Man?" Kitty (with a yawn) No; I am moro interested in tho going young man. FREE LANDS IN WYOMING. Chicago & North Western Railway. Send for booklet telling how to se cure 320 acres of U. S. Government lands in Wyoming free of cost, and describing various irrigation projects and tho most approved methods of sci entific dry farming. Homeseekers' rates. Direct train service from Chi cago. W. B. Kniskern, P. T. M., Chicago. The Ever Changing Waist Line. Consider the mental agility it takes to keep up with one's waist line. One goes to bed at night in the sweet as surance that it w ill be under the arms for tho next two or three months at any rate, and awakes to learn from the headlines in the morning papers the waist line is positively at the knees. There is absolutely no use in prognos ticating anything about It any longer. That the waist line occurred at the waist was an axiom accepted as un questionably as that the earth re volves on its axis, but in these days of higher criticism It Is likely to be anywhere. It bloweth where it list- cth. Mrs. Wilson Woodrow, in Ameri can Magazine. Marriage and Meanness. Some years ago there lived in Atch ison a young woman noted for her good works and gentleness. She was always helping the poor and was pa tient and kind and universally ad mired. She married a fairly good man and abused him w.ithin three months. She had been good and patient for years, but a husband was too much for her; she had never been cross to any one until she was cross to her husband. There is something about marriage that stirs up hidden depths of meanness on both sides. Atchison (Kan.) Globe. Decidedly Rattled. Of an Irishman, named Dogherty, a speaker of rare eloquence, the follow ing amusing story is told: After one of his speeches he asked Canning what he thought of It. "Tho only fault I could find In it," Canning answered, "was that you called the speaker, 'Sir too often." "My dear friend," said Dogherty, "if you knew tho state I was in while speaking, you would not wonder if 1 had called him 'Ma'am!'" Graves of the Wicked. Where is the man who has not wandered now and then through the graveyards of the world and wondered where the wicked folks are buried? If one believes all the tombstones say one Inevitably Inclines to think there never were many, if any, very, very wicked folks on earth. Shake into Your Shoes Allen's Foot-Ease, a powder for your feet, it cures painful, swollen, smarting, sweat ing fctt. Makes new shoes easy. Sold by all Druggists antl Shoe Stores. 23c. Don't accept any substitute. Sample FREE. Ad dress Allen S. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. Y. Working the. Brain. Church They say fish Is a great stimulant for the brain. Gotham Well, I know just catching them makes the imagination more ac tive. Mr. Wlnslow's Koothlnu Byron. 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For 30 years it has been curing women from tho worst forms of f cmalo ills inflammation, ulceration, dis placements, fibroid tumors, irregulari ties, periodic pains, backache, and nervous prostration. If you would liko special advico about your case write a confiden tial letter to Mrs. Pinkhani, at Lynn, Mass. Her advico is lrcc, and always helpful. ; a vp rnnn ruininn, nod work 4 mice. -Aft promptly and o maiir time. cants. Kati dls out door seek lntf water. Eat Ms-Kit neNl no mixing: dry, clean, throw It any wbcra. All drittijti 1 5 cU. hoi Tnn It at BisrriT Co. it N. I.tmeatnneHt. Springfield, O, This Trade-mark Eliminates All Uncertainty in the purchase of paint materials. It b an absolute guarantee of pur ity and quality. l'or your own protection, see that it is on the side of every keg of white lead you buy. MTICNAt IEAD COMPANY 1S32 Trinity Buildinf, Hew York Nothing to Learn, Simply Shave NO STROPPING NO HONING KNOWN THE WORLD OVER DrJ.D.KELLOGGS FOR THE ' PROMPT RELIEF OF ASTHMA & HAY FEVER KrfSK. yOtR. DRUGGIST rOR. It wRrf roa rati sum octhos van co unt.o.iii nrrmtlPr CTIDCU ealet to work with and tarcties clothes nicest. I .v .if V ? vJ IS . mm. FREE GOVERNMENT LAND! rSW:J . " mm a . - "- RE.RVATIOI ib.u au u 9 v-r v v-r of good land Homesteaders October 4th to 23rd. The general land office has designated Le Beau and Aberdeen, on v f M. Si St. L. It. R. as places to register for the drawing. For rates, etc.. write or ask any agent of the Iowa Central or Minneapolis and St. Louis road or A. B. CUTTS, General Passenger and Ticket Agent Minneapolis, Minn. FADELESS HDYES to Colonist one-way second class tickets on sale daily from Chicago, September 15 to October 15, via the Chicago, Union Pacific C& North Western Line to San Francisco, Los Ange les, Portland and Pugct Sound points. 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